Chapter 11: Chef’s Opinion
===[Apple Family Farm, Sanji’s POV]===
My name is Vinsmoke Sanji, well, my new name is. Before this whole Equestria debacle, my name was Vincent Siciliano, son to my two immigrant parents. My father was Italian, while my mother was French. Obviously, I took after my mother.
When I was on Earth, I had opened a restaurant that was fairly popular. I was often working as both chef and waiter, mostly because I loved to see people's enjoying the food that I created. That feeling of knowing that you made something that people love, there's no other feeling like it in the world.
On Halloween, my life completely changed. We were doing a costume week and one of my employees, Fernando, showed me the chef of the Strawhats as a costume idea. Quite honestly, I could relate with a lot of his views. The hands of a chef are for creating works of culinary art. It is unacceptable to waste food of any kind. Always be courteous to those of the opposite sex (Mama beat that into my head very well). He named a lot of his attacks in French, so that was an extra plus in my book. So I decided to dress like him. And then a little girl gave me the golden lighter.
Do you know what it's like, feeling like a stranger in your own body? Being able to do things and remember things you never could? Before all this, I didn't know even a fifth of what I do now concerning my career. And you can bet that I never learned how to fly by kicking air. None of this was natural, hell it still wasn't.
Anyway, I woke up in some random forest, and tried to find some civilization. And then the Prance incident. Quite honestly, it's a fucking miracle that I didn't die after flooding a Goddamn city block in my nose blood! All I can say as an explanation is cartoon logic. Then the equivalent of a living god threw me into Hell, or Tartarus. I won't go into detail about my thirty year vacation in there, but it was terrible, hot, and I somehow became the king of it. Don't ask how, I just kicked some demon’s ass and they started to kowtow to me. Then some ugly ass centaur helped me break out of there, I heard about another human, and the rest is history.
Now, I am staying on a farm until it is proven that I am not a complete danger to the people - or ponies in this case - and can be trusted. And that apparently entails this…
“No.”
“Sanji, ya gotta do this.”
“Miss AJ, I don't think you understand. I don't do kids.”
“Well now ya do.” I glared at her. “Look, Sanji, just show her a few things, alright, nothin’ big. She's feelin’ right useless, what with Sweetie’s powers an’ Scoots doin’ swords with Zoro.”
“Well if that's the case, why don't you ask him? He seems to be the one that likes kids.”
“An’ he's helpin’ out Twi with some sorta spell. Anee-may-shon, I think.”
===ooo000ooo===
“HEALER DOWN!”
“OUT OF MANA!”
“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”
The giant blob of cheese and tortilla that used to be the quesadilla that Zoro was having for lunch before Twilight zapped it with magic had enveloped the unicorn in its grasp. And while Spike’s dragon fire could harm it, there was too much of it. It shuffled a little closer before it’s center started rippling. From it, Zoro's three blades emerged and the monstrosity pointed them as the three figures huddling up against, ironically, the horror section.
“AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
===ooo000ooo===
“Well it doesn't sound like my problem.”
“Sanji, yer gonna do it, whether ya like it or no.”
I wasn't moving, trying to be stubborn. Unfortunately, the mare in front of me was equally as stubborn. This is what happens when two stubborn people get into an argument, neither person wants to give ground to the other. We stood there for a good minute before one of us reacted.
“Tch, whatever. I'm going to make dinner,” I say, turning towards the farmhouse.
“This ain't over, Sanji!”
“Don't care,” I shouted back.
I passed Big Mac, who learned early on to not get between AJ and I when we start arguing. Doesn't happen often, but it does on occasion. Like just now. He only nodded to me, then returned to his work.
When I entered the farmhouse, I was greeted with the sight of Granny Smith sleeping on her rocking chair. I can honestly say that of all the ponies I've met so far, she was my favorite. She reminded me a lot of my Nonna, who had passed away a few years prior to my being sent here. Even had that same weird habit of talking complete nonsense with a few helpful nuggets of surprising wisdom.
Rest in peace, Nonna.
Over the last few weeks, I've been taking over the kitchen, even rearranging a few things so they made a bit more sense. And after the first day, I was nominated to making dinner from Monday to Saturday, Sunday being Granny Smith's.
As I walked towards my work area, I heard noises. Specifically the oven gas burner and light humming. “God dammit,” I mumbled.
Inside was the kid who AJ was trying to make me take under my wing, cooking something. I don't have a problem with her personally, but I just hate working with kids.
I quietly walked up behind her with practiced ease. Huh, grilled cheese. Definitely something a kid would do.
Honestly, I just watched her work, slightly interested. She got done with three before she noticed me.
“M-Mister Sanji! Ah didn't see ya walk in,” Applebloom scrambled.
“You shouldn't have.” She stared at me, waiting for what I was going to do next. I inspected what she made before taking a bit of it. Might as well, because I'm sure as hell not letting food get thrown out.
“Huh, not bad. Could use a bit of a mix on the bread for more flavor, but not bad.”
“Um… couldjya show me how? Makin’ the mix, Ah mean.”
This is why I said God dammit earlier. Because this whole thing seemed to be set up for a sort of acceptance/bonding experience between us that was probably planned from the beginning. And by God I'm falling for it. Fucking kids, man.
“Grab me some butter, some herbs, a bowl and the pastry brush. And get some tomatoes and lettuce while you’re at it,” She rushed off, collecting everything I asked her to. I showed her that if you melt the butter, add in a few herbs, and lather the bread with it before grilling it, it greatly improves the taste. Use the same stuff on paninis and they are heavenly.
Anyway, we made grilled cheese for dinner, AJ nodded in approval (I was severely tempted to flip off her smug face, but I am a gentleman, so such things are beneath me), we had to cut them up for Granny Smith, and the kid was munching away happily at my side.
Is it too late to go back to Tartarus? At least they had succubi.
===[Ponyville Market, Next Day]===
“You okay there, Big Mac?”
“Y-yep.”
“You're certain?”
“... Yep.”
“I heard hesitation.”
“Nope.”
“And that was a very quick response.”
“...”
“Alright then.”
The red stallion insisted on carrying everything we got from the market by himself. Honestly, I think it's from having to prove his machismo, since Zoro and I are living here now. Because how manly is kicking a tree when compared to creating mini earthquakes with a well placed stomp. True story, that. Felt like a Pokemon when I did.
And after buying everything we needed, the stallion decided to head back home, leaving me to get ingredients for tonight's dinner. I'm thinking Moussaka, vegetarian style of course. You know, I've never actually gotten the Apple family’s opinion on eating meat, figuring they were only herbivores.
“-ell I'm not sure I like the new Fluttershy.”
Oh, it's Pinkie and Rarity. Should I avoid, or go say hi.
I'll have to go with-
“Oh, Sanji! Get over here, we need to ask you something, Darling!” Dammit.
It's not that I don't like them, it's just that out of all six of the girls, these two can be a bit… much. Rarity is a lot like my Aunt Claudine, and while I loved her, she was the kind of person you take in moderation. And Pinkie was just bat shit insane. I'm just shocked at how well the green haired man can tolerate her.
“Of course, how can I be of assistance?”
“Hiya Sanji! Have you seen New Fluttershy yet?”
“New Fluttershy?”
“Yes, it seems that after dear Fluttershy attended an ‘assertiveness class’ held by somepony named Iron Will, she has been… not as gentle as before.”
“Isn't that the whole point of an assertiveness class?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“New Fluttershy is acting like a jerk!” I raised my disable eyebrow at that.
“Yellow Pegasus who couldn't even hurt a worm, is being a jerk? After how many sessions?”
“Um… I think one?”
“... I don't mean to be rude or anything, but ponies seem to not be the most practical of thinkers-”
“Yep!”
“So do you think that she’s just taking this guy’s advice too literally? Like, ‘attack the day’ is actually taken as literally attacking the day?”
“...”
“...”
“So we shouldn't bring the Princess here or...”
I pinched the bridge of my nose while I sighed. God dammit Pinkie.
“I'm going to grab the green idiot to talk to her.”
“Why can't you, Darling?”
“Because I still have other stuff to do at the farm after this.”
“Well, it's probably not a good time to bother him…”
“And why not?”
“Because he's helping Twi clean up the… mess, we made yesterday.”
“I'm not even going to ask,” I say, sighing afterwards. Demons are easier to deal with than these girls are. “Well, have a good day.”
I turned away, waving as I walked towards the library. One of the more utilitarian uses of Haki was making a mental map. You can tell where most of the roads are from how many people there are in an area, and mixing that with Zoro’s Haki signature (probably not the term but it works) I can figure out the fastest route.
So after figuring that out, I walked onwards. I did make a few stops to get ingredients for dinner, but I believe we have most of them.
When I did arrive, it was an… experience.
The inside was just covered in cheese, with some parts looking burnt. The unicorn looked exhausted next to a pile of clean books, probably due to some spell. The dragon, Spike I think, was scrubbing the burnt parts off with what looked like steel wool. And sitting at the table in his Sasuke outfit was the swordsman himself, eating from a glob of the yellow stuff from out of his hands. He turned his eyes to me, chewing slowly.
“... I don't even want to know.”
“That's probably for the best.”
“So, uh, you may want to talk to Fluttershy. She took some self assertiveness classes a bit too literally.” I heard him mumble a swear, shoving the rest of it into his mouth before getting up.
“Twi, Spike, I'm going out. Be back in a few.”
“Mmmmmmkaaaay…….”
“Alright, but then it's your turn,” Spike said, giving him a look.
“Yeah yeah, no problem.”
And so we walked through the town, a few stopping to stare at him.
“Hey, how many outfits do you have?”
“Like, two and a half.”
“Hm. You may need to get more.”
“Meh.”
===[3rd POV]===
Shining armor walked briskly towards the Princess’ chambers. Ordinarily, he would do these things in the throne room, but concerning the gravity of what he had to talk about…
The two Solar Guards guarding the door stopped him, going through standard procedure with scanning him for either a Glamour Charm or a Changeling Cloak, though the latter was less expected, what with how close the two countries’ symbiotic relationship was.
They allowed him passage, saluting as they did so. He saluted in return, and continued onward.
The Princess’ chambers were, unlike what most ponies would expect, fairly quaint. Although, perhaps ‘quaint' wasn't the correct word to use. After all, it could still hold a small family home with the amount of space, but at least it wasn't covered from top to bottom in gold and marble.
The Princess herself was sitting at her small table set on her balcony, drinking a glass of Château Cheval Blanc 507 AN. Thankfully, none of the really good stuff. Those had a single digit.
He kneeled before her almost immediately. “Your Majesty.” She motioned for him to come to her side before casting a Silence spell.
“Any news, Captain Shining Armor?”
“No, nothing.” She grimaced. It was not a good look, and only once had he seen it adorn her face. That was not a good day. “He seems to have been lying low, and we’ve heard nothing, not even rumors.”
Celestia’s grimace grew, her taking another drink from her glass. She hated this. She hated when enemies actually had brains, instead of simply charging into like a madman. It was certainly why she had disliked Zoro way back when.
“Keep eyes and ears open, especially in obscure communities that aren't capable of properly defending themselves. I don't care if it was a simple rumor or a body, we need every detail. But remember, discretion is our main priority.”
“Of course, Your Majesty.”
She sighed. “I've often wondered if I've made the right choices concerning this one, but no longer. I've given two the chance that they wholly deserved, but I shall not give Tirek that satisfaction.”