//------------------------------// // 13: This Was Going to Be the Last Chapter, But in the Interests of Getting Things Out in a Semi-timely Fashion I Shortened it and Transformed it into the Penultimate Chapter // Story: How Spike Kinda Sorta Maybe Married a Changeling // by somatic //------------------------------// The orchestra swelled. Spike loped down the aisle, his girth flattening a few of the more centrally seated guests. Twilight strode beside him, a wing wrapped around his thinnest claw in the closest approximation of an embrace she could manage without the buttocks-related difficulties of Spike’s growth spell. “Spike, why is your crown ogling the ushers?” whispered Twilight. The changeling regalia warped slightly, its amorphous eyeballs boiling to its surface, popping, and reforming elsewhere. “Don’t really know. Sometimes it whispers to me, but I’ve learned to ignore it.” Scraping bits of the Smooze off his tail, Spike passed under a colossal flower arch and reached the front, where Princess Cadance stood. A squadron of changelings flanked her, black tears dribbling down some of their perforated cheeks. A few of these mares of honor instinctively bowed to their new king. Then came the bride. Voices of the children’s choir--rented from an orphanage by Chrysalis’ request—harmonized as the processional climaxed. Her dress, a diaphanous shroud of spider silk and lace woven together by Equestria’s best tailors, caught the starlight in a riot of color. Opalescent gemstones, crystallized from the Queen’s own slime, hung on every silken strand, all placed under Rarity’s watchful, glassy eyes. Buttressing the bulk of the vast train, four changelings followed, their behinds leaking with white ooze. Spike jumped to the conclusion that they must have shapeshifted into spiders to produce the silk, that the white ooze was its remnants, and that he did not want to consider that any further. Swathed in this elegance trotted none other than… Princess Cadance. The camouflaged bride looked around, saw the other Cadance before her, and sighed. “Force of habit.” A flare of witchfire dropped her disguise. Soft pink flesh gave way to hard-edged exoskeleton and bubbling slime, causing most of the wedding guests to recoil slightly, and the few who were into that sort of thing to lean in closer. Her hooves scraped against the red carpet, dark stains forming where she walked. Suspicious fluids dribbled down her throat, fluids that an astute eye might gather had more to do with orphans than was entirely acceptable in high society. On the groom’s side of the aisle, Celestia contemplated if she could somehow detonate the bride and still have grandfoals. Cadance’s—the real Cadance’s—smile stretched from cheek to rosy cheek. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to…” Chrysalis—the erstwhile Cadance—butted in. “Look, this is not my first rodeo. Can we…” “Hey!” A bull in the back yelled. “No offense to our bovine guests. Can we skip the formalities and… what’s the pony term?” Spike chimed in. “Get on with it?” “Yes, get it on. Well, Cadance?” Chrysalis licked her lips, a serrated tongue sopping up the remnants of fluid. “And gut all the pomp and ceremony?” The princess shrugged. “I used to think you couldn’t rush true love, but Shiny proved that wrong, know what I mean, girls?” Chrysalis did not. Cadance’s smile deadened. “Uh, so, um, yeah. Do you, Spike, take this… bug to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Chrysalis butted in. “He does. I do, too.” The princess raised an eyebrow. “You take yourself to be your wife?” “That could be arranged. My drones are very skilled shapeshifters.” One of her bride’s mares approximated a blush. “But I don’t think that’s legal this far north.” Cadance nodded sagely. “Right, so… do you, Chrysalis—” “Queen Chrysalis.” Spike rolled his eyes, a colossal endeavour and one he feared he would be repeating quite a lot once he was truly hitched. He cast an askance glance at the castle’s windows, where far above his old friends watched the… Wait. “—take this dragon to be your lawfully wedded husband?” The windows should be riots of stained glass, but for some reason they looked empty, nothing but bland quartz. “By the power vested in me by myself, I now pronounce you…” “If you would so kindly wait a moment, darlings!” Rarity’s voice, crystal clear, came from down the aisle.