//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 - Right Place, Right Time // Story: Off The Mark // by Goldfur //------------------------------// “What’s an alicorn and why the hell should I know anything about them?” The blue pony stared at me as if I was mad before replying. “How do you not know of the alicorns? Everypony knows the rulers of Equestria are alicorns.” “Still haven’t answered my question, pretty blue pony,” I pointed out. “You think Trixie is pretty?” she asked before shaking her head vigorously. “Wait – Trixie is the one asking the questions, impertinent one! But if it helps diminish your ignorance, alicorns have both wings and horns.” “Oh – like that stained glass picture of you that I passed.” I peered more closely at her robe-covered body. “That’s odd. I swear there aren’t any wings under that cape of yours.” Trixie was startled and then her eyes shifted nervously. “Do not be so presumptuous of your Princess, peasant! Now, answer my question!” Between the magic special effects and her bluster, I began to recognize this mare for what she was. Nevertheless, she had the guards at her beck and call, so I decided to play along for the moment. “I know nothing about your alicorns. In fact, I’ve never believed in fairytale kingdoms until now. All I know is that I fell into a mirror and suddenly I’m a Pegasus.” Abruptly, Trixie was in my face. “You came through a portal and were transformed? Perhaps you saw Celestia and Luna but in the form of the creatures from your world?” “Not unless they were shopping for antiques.” Trixie blinked in confusion. “Nay – the Princesses… er… Trixie’s fellow rulers left in great haste on a task of enormous importance, vowing to return promptly. Shopping is hardly the reason. Perhaps you missed them?” “I don’t know what could be so important that would drag two magical ponies to my world, but I doubt I would miss it.” “Nevertheless, the portal rarely opens and this is the first time since they left that we have had a hint of where they may be. …Uh… one moment…” With another burst of light and smoke, she was gone, only to reappear a few seconds later in the same fashion. I would have been more impressed, but her hacking cough as she waved away the smoke kind of ruined the moment. I did notice that there were now lumps on either side of her barrel under her cape. “Attend us, Mark Swell.” “That’s ‘Wells’,” I corrected even as I followed the mare out of the throne room. The doors opened to her glowing horn, and the guards bowed as she passed. This situation just seemed to be getting more bizarre every minute. This Trixie person was obviously in control for whatever reason, but she came across to me like a showpony – all bluster and razzle-dazzle. Did these ponies really fall for that routine in the throne room? And I was willing to bet a month’s salary that there weren’t any wings under her clothing, or at least not real ones like mine. Maybe they were ceremonial? Artificial wings put on at certain times to mark them as special? And why was she so worried about the alicorns’ return? “How long have the princesses been gone?” I asked. “About two months,” she answered absentmindedly. Then she shot a glance at me. “Stop asking Trixie questions! You are our prisoner, remember?” “Why am I a prisoner?” I asked, ignoring her order. “You were found in a restricted area of the castle.” “Not my fault that my new mirror turned out to be a doorway to another world. By the way, if we’re talking about alternate worlds, I might have a reason why your alicorns haven’t come back yet.” I nearly crashed my nose into the mare’s rear end as she abruptly came to a halt to stare at me intensely. “Why have you not told Trixie this before?” “Because I couldn’t possibly know until you answered my questions!” I replied with a glare. Trixie snorted and resumed trotting. I hastened to catch up, glad that I seemed to have finally got the rhythm of the leg movements. “Well? Are you going to explain to the Great and Intelligent Trixie your dubious theory?” “Sure, why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do.” But before I could begin, we came to a flight of stairs. Trixie trotted down them without pause while I hesitated. She frowned at me from the bottom. “Well, hurry up! Duchess Trixie values her time!” I poked my tongue out in concentration before giving myself a pep talk. ‘You can do this, Mark.’ Moments later, I was groaning in pain at the bottom of the stairs. Apparently, I couldn’t. “Trixie is most impressed with the speed with which you followed her command, but questions your people’s sanity if that is your usual mode of descent,” she said. She lit up her horn and levitated me back onto my hooves before continuing on without waiting to see if I had broken any bones. At least I didn’t land on my nose again. Everything else, maybe. “The Magnificent and Impatient Trixie is still waiting for your words, Spark Well.” “ ‘Mark Wells’,” I grated out as I tottered after her. “Look – I’ve read enough science fiction to know that some parallel dimensions could have different rates at which time passes. Your missing alicorns may have only been in another world for an hour while two months passed here.” The mare looked thoughtful. “Trixie finds your theory plausible. We shall have to try to test it.” We approached a doorway guarded by a lone unicorn. Although I did not get a good look at him before, I think it was the one that found me after I fell through the mirror. “Your Empress orders you to open the portal room!” Trixie commanded imperiously. The guard saluted before pulling out a set of oversized keys and using one to unlock the door. He turned on a light inside before we entered. Trixie pulled up with a gasp. Turning to the guard, she said, “Why wasn’t Trixie informed of the damage, Guard?” “My deepest apologies, Your Excellence! I was busy with the intruder.” Now that I could see clearly, I observed that the room was filled with about twenty mirrors. They were of many different styles, some wall-mounted but most free-standing, but every one of them was full-length and apparently a potential doorway… except for the four that lay smashed on the floor. My stumbling around in the dark had managed to destroy them – shattered glass and twisted frames possibly ruining them forever. Trixie rounded on me. “Why did you do this?! Are you a saboteur sent to prevent the return of the Princesses?!” “Don’t be so paranoid, lady! I fell into a pitch-dark room, tried to get onto my two legs and fell over a couple of times before your guard opened the door and let in some light.” She looked at me incredulously. “Why were you trying to walk on two legs if you couldn’t see?” “Because humans only have two, and I didn’t know that I had been turned into a pony!” She exchanged glares with me for a long moment before returning her gaze to the wreckage. “Which was your mirror?” I looked hard at them all, especially the four broken ones, but I didn’t recognize any of them. “None of these resembles the one that I have at home, but I suspect it’s one of those.” I pointed a hoof at the two in the middle of the mayhem. The mare sighed. “The Mighty and Frustrated Trixie was afraid of that. We hope that you have not also broken the Princesses’ portal.” “Why not?” “Because if you did, like you, they won’t be going home again.” “What do you mean? Can’t you repair them? You have the magic power to make them, so fix them!” “The construction of portals is an arcane art known to few, but worse, they have to be anchored to an object at the destination. Once that link is broken, there is no way that I know of to find that particular world once more.” My eyes bulged and my ears flattened. “I’m stuck here as a green horse?!” “Pony. And yes, you are.” “Oh, crap.” My legs felt shaky and weak. As I fell onto my rump, I heard Trixie start to chuckle. Then she started to laugh a touch hysterically. “What’s so funny?” I asked surlily. With a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face, she replied, “The Awesome and Wise Trixie’s reign shall last forever!” Oh, great. I’m stuck in a crazy world with a nutcase in charge. And I think I sprained a wing. Joy. With my host apparently having a meltdown, I eventually decided that both of us couldn’t afford that luxury. Sure – I was a ridiculously colored winged equine stranded in an alternate world perhaps for the rest of my life, but I was in good health (various recently acquired cuts and bruises excepted), and I was a resourceful kind of guy when I wasn’t planting my oversized snout into the floor. I turned to the guard and asked, “Were you here when your princesses went through the portal?” The stallion nodded. “I was stationed outside at my post when Princess Celestia and Princess Luna arrived.” “Did you see which mirror that they used?” “No, but I did glimpse one glowing oddly.” “Which?” “I’m not sure. As I said, I only caught a glimpse.” “Take a stab at it,” I encouraged. “Umm… this one, I think.” His hoof pointed at one of those on the floor, and my heart sunk. That just about put the final nail in the coffin. “Could you let your… um… great and wonderful ruler talk in private with me for a moment?” The guard looked at Trixie and she said, “Have you reported the damage here to anypony else?” “No, Your Majesty.” “See that you don’t. Also, do not discuss anything regarding our visitor.” Trixie half-heartedly waved him off. The stallion bowed as he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. It looked like solid oak – excellent for security but also good soundproofing. I turned back to the blue mare and looked at her keenly. The slight bulges under her cape seemed askew, but even as I watched, she unconsciously shrugged and shifted them back into place. I was pretty sure that I was looking at some sort of flimflam artist, or at least some show-pony who had been thrust into a role that was turning out to be tougher than she anticipated. “Okay, Your Trixieness – would you mind explaining exactly what’s going on here?” That seemed to pull the mare out of her strange mood, and she glared at me. “I don’t know what you are talking about, and do not address your monarch so informally.” “Listen, lady – I don’t know exactly what’s going on here, but I can recognize someone running a scam when I see one. I run across your type all the time in my job. If you’re a real princess, then I’m the King of America!” Trixie snorted derisively. “The Great and Tolerant Trixie is not amused by your presumption. She is the legitimate ruler of Equestria.” “Then why are you so freaked out by the news that your princesses are unlikely to return?” “Trixie is not freaked out; she is deeply concerned.” “S-u-r-e you are. Mind letting me have a look under that cape of yours?” “Impertinent stallion! No, you may not!” “I thought as much. You’re a fake alicorn, aren’t you?” “Be careful what you call your empress, peasant, or else suffer the consequences!” Her words were imperious, but her tone lacked conviction. “What consequences? Are you going to dazzle me with more fireworks and stage magic meant only to impress an audience? Or perhaps try to frighten me more with illusions made of smoke and mirrors?” Trixie gave me a sullen look. “Are you a performer in your land?” “No, but I can recognize one. So, how did you usurp power?” She tried to look indignant, but she slowly deflated and her ears sagged. “Trixie did not usurp power – she had it thrust upon her.” As unlikely as that seemed, her demeanor seemed to back that up. “Care to share?” I asked, keeping the skepticism out of my voice. For a very long moment it seemed she would not answer, but with a visible effort to firm her resolve, she replied, “Can Trixie trust you, stranger?” I rolled my eyes. “Listen, ‘Princess’, we both seem to be caught up in this situation, so how about we help each other and cut out the bullshit? You can trust me to zip my lips and I’ll trust you to fix me up in this place.” “Trixie finds that acceptable if you will Pinkie Promise.” I looked at my hoof in confusion. “How? I don’t even have a pinkie finger anymore.” Trixie stared at me in confusion before shaking her head and saying, “No. Do and say as Trixie does.” She then recited some words accompanied by some odd actions. I just gaped for a long moment. “Seriously?” What sort of childish oath was this? “Do it!” “Okay! Okay! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. OW!” I had slammed my hoof into my face. Thanks to my ongoing lack of coordination, I probably now had a black eye to add to the list of injuries. “Just so you know, ‘Bark Smells’, nopony ever breaks a Pinkie Promise.” She shuddered. “And a Pinkie Promise lasts forever.” Her last word echoed strangely around the room, and I could have sworn it was in a different pony’s voice. Looking around, I didn’t see any…uh…pony else. Apparently satisfied, Trixie began her explanation. “To understand better, first you need to know that Trixie did some unpleasant… things… in the past that she deeply regrets. Trixie decided that she must complete her magical training before resuming her career with confidence and style. Not that Trixie was ever less than magnificent, of course, but there’s always room for improvement. Her friend, Twilight Sparkle, spoke up for Trixie when she tried to re-join Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, and Her Highness often gave Trixie personal lessons as a favor to Twilight.” “Why did Celestia favor this Twilight Sparkle so much?” “She is the Princess’s personal student and a powerful mage. She was visiting Canterlot to check on my progress on the day that the Royal Sisters left through the portal. There were just the three of us in Celestia’s private study when one of the Guardsponies virtually burst into the room. He presented a message to Celestia and Her Highness looked horrified by whatever it contained. She jumped up and said something like, ‘An emergency has come up that my sister and I must attend to. Twilight – could you please help Trixie with completing the lesson?’” “Twilight replied, ‘Of course, Princess, but if this is some sort of threat to Equestria, perhaps I should fetch the Element Bearers?’ And Celestia shook her head and said, ‘No, Twilight – this is a task for alicorns alone. We will assess the problem and let you know what you can do for us in the meantime.’ Then Celestia left in great haste while Twilight continued with the lesson. Shortly thereafter, a messenger from the Crystal Empire came begging for help against shadow creatures that were attacking the citizens of that distant city. Without either of the princesses there, Twilight took it upon herself to gather her friends and head off to the Crystal Empire to deal with the problem, leaving Trixie to study by herself. Celestia’s right-hoof mare Raven Inkwell found Trixie still there when she came looking for Celestia. She asked Trixie for Celestia’s whereabouts and was just about to leave when the Captain of the Royal Guard arrived.” “ ‘Are you Celestia’s personal student?’ he asked Trixie. Of course, Trixie replied in the affirmative. He then informed Trixie that, by Celestia’s command, she was to take over the governance of Equestria until they returned.” “What?!” I exclaimed. “Don’t tell me – Celestia meant Twilight Sparkle, didn’t she?” “Princess Celestia’s words to him before going through the portal were, ‘My personal student awaits my return in my chambers. Inform her that we empower her to act on our behalf in our absence.’ ” I gaped at her. “You mean to say that you became ruler due to a case of mistaken identity?” The mare gave me a half-smile. “Trixie was Princess Celestia’s personal student and was waiting there for her; Trixie thinks it was fate.” “And everyone believed you?” “Raven Inkwell was there to witness. Trixie is the legitimate ruler and her subjects do her bidding.” “I’m beginning to think you ponies have to be the most gullible people that I have ever heard of. So – do you really want to have the responsibility to rule Equatoria forever?” “It’s Equestria,” Trixie corrected. Then her ears drooped and she bit her lip before replying. “Trixie only sought to make some improvements and put some pizzazz into the Royal Court while she had the opportunity. She never expected that this might be a permanent gig.” “Oh, for the love of… What about this Twilight Sparkle? Surely she knows who should really be in charge?” “Heh! Funny you should mention that. Twilight and her friends spent about a week in the Crystal Empire trying to deal with the shadow creatures. Then they returned to Canterlot to acquire more help…” Trixie was idly admiring her new crown when a Royal Guard approached the throne. “Your Majesty – the Elements of Harmony have arrived and they demand an audience.” Trixie had been anticipating this and she replied, “Let them in without delay, and make sure we are not disturbed.” “As you command, Your Magnificence!” As the Guard hastened to obey, Trixie smiled and placed the crown back on her head. “Hmmm. Trixie thinks she likes that one. She will keep him.” Twilight Sparkle trotted into the throne room, followed by her five closest friends. They saw Trixie sitting imperiously on the throne and Raven standing nearby with her clipboard in hoof, looking like she would rather be anywhere else. Twilight squared her stance and lit her horn, the other Element Bearers forming a line on both sides of her, their jewelry gleaming in the darkness with their own light. Trixie smirked. Twilight opened her mouth to speak but Trixie held up a hoof to interrupt her. “Stop! You are here to put an end to my vile villainy and knock the false alicorn from the Throne of Equestria, am I correct?” The light around Twilight’s horn flickered for a moment, but then her voice returned with its full confidence. “Uh, yes! And…” “Fine! You win!” Trixie trotted down from the dais and headed for the back of the throne room. She then stopped and called over her shoulder. “Good luck ruling Equestria! You do realize all the Little Ponies will not accept anyone but an alicorn as their ruler, don’t you?” Twilight gaped. “That’s not true! And even if it was, Cadance can… well, as soon as their emergency is over in the Crystal Kingdom she can occasionally visit to…” Raven sadly shook her head. Twilight’s horn went out entirely. “What?” Raven looked up. “The Boring and Facetious Trixie is correct about the citizenry.” Trixie turned around completely. “Hey!” Raven continued as if no pony had said anything at all. “There was mass chaos in the streets after the rumor broke that Celestia and Luna had left. Ponies everywhere were just running around like headless chickens, throwing things in the air and knocking themselves over. They wouldn’t stop screaming and running even when they were on their sides, spinning like tops. Without their Alpha, whether it be the head of their herd or the ruler of the nation, the common pony can’t function. Trixie was…” “Kind enough,” supplied the smug blue mare. “…opportunistic enough…” “~grumble~” Trixie pouted. “…to seize the reins of power and restore order. She has been doing a sub-optimal and only a shade higher than adequate job of keeping the faith of the ponies since then.” During this time, Trixie had put on her most smug grin and marched right up to Twilight’s nose. “So what do you say, ‘Prized Pupil’? Until the diarchs return, do you want to be saving Ponyville from their weekly crisis–” Rainbow Dash spoke up. “Actually, more like monthly after you left.” Trixie’s smile faltered and she glared at the pegasus, who didn’t seem to notice. “…their bi-weekly crisis and trying to help your foalsitter and brother solve the mystery of those ponies made of shadow that keep battering the shield around the Crystal Kingdom, or do you want to try to ‘reason’ with a nation of screaming equines that won’t listen to you unless you have both horns and wings?” She finished with a confident smirk and a flourish of her cape, showing off the artificial appendages that shored up her claim to the throne. Twilight frowned and her horn started to glow again. Trixie’s smile faltered and she took a step back. Applejack put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “One sec, now, sugarcube. Let’s get all the facts ’fore we do somethin’ we might regret.” Rarity turned to the Right Hoof of Celestia. “Raven, darling, we were just so busy fighting off those deplorable creatures over the last week that there was no time to talk about anything else. Can you tell us what Cadance has said on the matter?” The mare nodded. “As you know, Princess Cadance and Shining Armor are very busy keeping up the shield and evacuating the outskirts of their kingdom. We’ve only gotten a few scrolls through, but she…” Raven let out an exasperated sigh. “… praised Trixie for her quick thinking given the situation.” Trixie crowed. “You see! It takes the intelligence of a royal to appreciate Trixie’s– ” Twilight turned her head to face Trixie. Her eyes turned white and her mane appeared to catch fire. The showmare crouched down slightly and softly said, “Shutting up now.” Fluttershy came up to Twilight’s side. “Breathe deeply, Twilight. In… out… in… out...” The unicorn closed her eyes and her mane slowly returned to normal. When her eyes opened, they were their normal purple hue. She looked at Raven. “No word from the Princesses?” “None. And they specifically stated that the dimension they were travelling to was too dangerous for anypony but an alicorn.” “Prince Blueblood?” Raven snorted. “If he had been appointed by Royal Degree and the Sisters had personally expressed their full confidence in him to every pony in Equestria, the riots would have started in three days, tops.” “He would not have missed this chance to seize power. Where is he, then?” Trixie gave a motion of finality. “The situation has been handled.” Rarity gasped. Fluttershy gasped. Pinkie Pie gasped because it seemed to be the “in” thing at the moment. Six stares continued unblinking until Trixie wilted under the pressure. “No, Trixie didn’t kill him. Trixie gave him an all-expense paid trip to Prance to sample the wine at every vineyard in the country.” Twilight frowned. “Five thousand, two hundred and twelve wineries, one visited in the morning and another in the afternoon makes…” “Eight years,” supplied the showmare. Twilight looked thoughtful for some time. Then she raised her head and moved in front of Trixie. “If you can do this, I’ll be the first to congratulate you on pulling off the Scam of the Century.” Trixie stood up tall and straightened her crown. Twilight leaned closer and narrowed her eyes. “And if you fail, I have absolutely no idea what the Elements of Harmony would do to the mare that usurped power from the rightful rulers of Equestria, but we would soon find out. Are. We. Clear?” The blue unicorn’s legs trembled for a moment, then she gave Twilight her most confident smile and returned to the throne. Only after she was comfortably lounging there did she deign to reply. “Trixie has been preparing for this role since the day she was born. The Great and Wise Trixie has … ascended to the occasion and she will not fail.” She waved a hoof dismissively. “Now off with you. The Queen of All the Heavens has a meeting with the Griffonstone Ambassador to prepare for. Trixie does not need your distractions.” “So basically, you were the least worst option,” I summed up. “Trixie feels that you could have put that better, but yes. Equestria’s order has been maintained while Trixie has dealt with royal matters. The Elements of Harmony have attended to some minor crises and the Guild of Mages maintain the raising and setting of the sun and moon.” My mind checked out then. “Say what?! Raising the sun?!” Trixie gave him a curious look. “How else do you think the day cycles are maintained in the absence of the alicorns?” My brain was officially overloaded and I rubbed my aching head with that damned hard hoof of mine. “I give up – I’m officially stuck in a fairytale.” Then my stomach emitted a loud gurgle. “And I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since I got here.” Trixie headed for the door, opening it with her magic. “Perhaps we should discuss this further over dinner. Trixie can have the chef prepare whatever you wish.” “That would be great. A nice thick sirloin steak sounds good right now.” Trixie looked at me with horror. “You eat griffon food? Truly you are an alien from another world, Park Well!” I groaned. Note to self – ponies can’t eat meat. Thank God they have toilet bowls. # # # # # # # # #