Twilight Sparkle sat on the grassy campus of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns reading the book the Princess Celestia had assigned to her.

"Hmm, Elements of Harmony. I know I've heard of those before. But where?" Twilight mused aloud. With a bright flash of purple light, a unicorn appeared before her.

"From your copies of Predictions & Prophecies, and Mare in the Moon," Starlight Glimmer said to the surprised unicorn, "But don't worry about all that..." Starlight shrugged her heavy saddle bag from her haunches. The bag opened and the Elements of Harmony spilled out. "These are the Elements of Harmony. They were hidden in a castle in the Everfree Forest. I already got them for you. You're welcome, by the way. Also, you can't use these by yourself. Here's a list of the other ponies you'll need to round up in Ponyville."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, wait a tick," Starlight said. With another flash she teleported both of them to Ponyville. Twilight felt nauseous. "Oh please. You taught me that one."

"Oh. Right. I mean, you will. Anyway, on that list of ponies, I made a note of which Element to assign to each of them. Nightmare Moon will be making her big appearance in Town Hall when Celestia is supposed to for the Summer Sun Celebration. So make sure you have your friends rounded up by then. Oh, one more thing! Nightmare Moon is actually Celestia's sister, Luna, so, you know, set those things to 'stun', okay?" Starlight said. Twilight looked like a deer in headlights. "Alright, look," Starlight gave her a scroll. "I know how much you love checklists, so here is written instructions of everything you need to do. Now get to making friends!"

"Yes, your friends. Your very best friends. Speaking of-" Starlight said, noticing that Pinkie Pie was rapidly approaching the new ponies in town. "The pink one will guide you to finding the others. Good luck." Starlight readied her time-travel spell.

"Wait!" Twilight yelped. "Who are you? Will I ever see you again?" Starlight grinned.

"I'm Starlight Glimmer... And I get the feeling you'll be seeing me quite a bit."

The tightly curled scroll, wrapped in scarlet ribbon and sealed with the crest of the Equestrian monarch, manifested itself from the green flames of Spike’s belch.

“It's a letter from Princess Celestia,” gasped Twilight Sparkle beside her farming friend, Applejack, as the parchment came down to earth in a haze of glitter and radiating its own natural light. Spike took immediate responsibility to unfurl the message and read it allowed for the two girls with a clearing of the throat.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh,” his eyelids were beginning to droop just from the expanse of useless exposition that took up half of the page, “yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest.”

Applejack and Twilight Sparkle both drew in gasps and spun to face each other, whinnying their excitement at the correspondence unveiling important details to the The Grand Galloping Gala! The pair cheered and reared up, cycling their forehooves in the air gleefully and bouncing about in the spirit of Pinkie Pie’s ordinary sprightliness.

A second bout of gas rose up within Spike, and the emerald fire produced two golden leaves, printed with the admittance of the beholder to the Grand Galloping Gala.

“Look, two tickets,” exclaimed Spike, holding them up to his lavender guardian. Her face remained unchanged.

“Uh, Twilight? Two tickets?” he wafted and nearly stuffed the two shiny coupons into her nostrils, yet still there was no response. His two friends were frozen in time. He yelped in shock as a voice behind him answered instead.

“Oh, come on, this was an easy one,” the baby dragon twisted to see a pale fuschia mare with a silky violet and aqua mane trotting towards him, an air of insistence in every step.

“Who are you? What have you done to my friends?” Spike enquired instantly, righteous anger and fear for the well-being of his companions rising with him.

“Just a friend on a friendship mission, Spikey,” she offered cheerfully, reaching out to ruffle the pine-green spines on the top of his head with a hoof. With a forceful grab of telekinesis, she stole the two tickets from his claws and examined them with a tut.

“Hey! Give those back! They belong to Twilight!” He yelped, attempting to leap and snatch them from the air. Instead, they tore before his eyes and dropped to the floor like sad confetti.

“Two tickets? Between six ponies and a baby dragon? You do the math- no! Don’t, instead write a letter for me to Princess Celestia.”

“And why should I do that for you?” The little drake placed a clawed hand on each of his hips and gave a determined attempt at an intimidating stare at the stranger.

“Full of questions, Spike, aren’t you? How about this; if you write one incy-wincy letter to Princess Celestia for me, Aunty Starlight won’t have to unlock Twilight from the petrificus charm to tell her all about how her number one assistant pilfers the trashy romance novels from her library for some late night reading, hm?” The result was instantaneous. Eyes widened, hands rose and waved urgently, the boy taking a nervous step backwards.

“No! Anything but that!” He looked into her pointed gaze and relented, sliding an arm into his statuesque mistress’ saddlebags, finally producing a spare, unused parchment and a quill.

“Very well, “Aunty Starlight,” what would you like me to write?” Starlight Glimmer grinned encouragingly, took a nice, deep breath, and began.

“Two tickets? Really? You know I have more than one friend now! That was the whole of your previous friendship lesson for me! “I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends!” Those were your words.

“Please enclose a further seven tickets, as the current ones have become null and void, and don’t even think about skipping out on Spike. You have no idea what he gets up to on a Thursday night.

The lilac mare gave a pleased smile at the dragon and a swirl of her hoof. “Send it!”

“Really?” Spike began to counter, brow quirked, “you know this sounds nothing like-“

“Trashy. Novels,” said Starlight smugly. A lick of grassy flame later, the deed was done. The unicorn smiled excessively to herself and petted Spike’s head one more time, before summoning a fresh purple circle of light to exit from.

“Catch you around, Number one assistant,” she bid him with a farewell salute, before hopping backwards through the swirling portal. A flash and a crackle, all trace of her was gone, leaving Spike to wonder what in the name of Celestia just happened.

The two static ponies reanimated as though the last thirty seconds had not occurred, and Twilight was the first to notice the torn tickets on the floor.

The young creature went to explain, only for something to bubble in his throat. He released another gaseous ball of leafy fire and produced another scroll.

Utterly bemused, Twilight unwrapped it this time with her magical glow and read it aloud.

The unicorn and farm mare examined the tickets, each one coated gold and pristine. Their gazes fell to the sheepish and squirming young dragon trying to back away discreetly.

Reality shuddered, juddered, and snapped. A pale lavender-coated pony stood where there had been no such pony before. Primly, she stepped off the circle of charred grass she'd created.

Applejack stopped dead in her tracks. Sure, she was a little tired, but she hadn't skipped enough sleep to start hallucinating. She watched the mare dig through a saddlepack and consult a book.

Starlight nodded once and strode towards the apple mare with a purpose. Mid-step, she pulled a newspaper from her saddlepack and rolled it up.

“So, Applejack. Applebuck Season. All these trees gotta get harvested before the fruit spoils. Your brother injured himself wearing one of Granny's girdles down Stirrup Street.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed dangerously as she sized up this stranger. “Did Twalight put you up to this? Ah kin handle maself.”

“In a way, yeah. But I'm going to save you a week of heartache and sleepless nights.” She slapped Applejack across the nose with the newspaper.
“Those girls are your family too, you stubborn donkey. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, if you need it.”

Applejack opened her mouth to retort, and was rewarded with a thwap of the newspaper. “Ask your Granny, she'll say the same thing.”

Then the pony turned on her heel and trotted off. Ashamed at how childish she'd been acting, Applejack turned and started towards town, and her best friends.

Starlight Glimmer wasn’t a stranger to a good, solid facehoof. Suffice to say, the pantomime playing out in front of her as she warped in prompted exactly that reaction.

“Hey, Pinkie. C’mere.” Gilda drawled, less than a yard away from where Starlight hovered in midair. Pinkie Pie — much to Starlight’s frustration — pedaled closer on a thoroughly inexplicable contraption towards the Griffon, who abruptly grabbed onto its supporting rod and pulled Pinkie to within mere inches of her weird, beaky face.

“Don’t you know how to take ‘get lost’ for an answer?” Gilda hissed. “Dash doesn’t need to hang with a dweeb like you now that I’m around. You’re —”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you got that backwards. She can only hang out with dweebs these days.” Starlight rolled her eyes as Gilda let go and spun in her direction.

“Who are you? What are you doing here? Wait, lemme guess: Dweebs just sort of magically spring out of nowhere around here.” Gilda pointed an accusatory talon. “I don’t need you — ”

“You kind of do. Look. Look at how happy Rainbow Dash is.” Starlight pointed at Rainbow Dash, who was currently doing her best impression of the world’s most oblivious acrobat.

Gilda rolled her eyes and tilted her head towards Rainbow Dash. “Yeah, I’m looking.”

“If she really wasn’t happy hanging out with dweebs, don’t you think she would have ditched this scene long ago? But she’s still here.”

“Look, if she got you, she’d know what it’s like to live in Griffonstone. I know what that life’s like better than anypony else here, you aside. You think Rainbow Dash understands what being poor is like? Much less actually thinking about how bad you’ve got it?”

“You think she cares enough to even learn about you? About how you live? About how lonely you are? Do you think she cares about any of that? Or do you think she did the easier thing and just learned to hang out with the dweebs, doing dweeby things with them until she didn’t think about being un-dweeby unless somepony barged into her house?”

Pinkie froze, mouth open, unable to articulate her thoughts. Gilda was silent, but the tremble in her body said enough.

“She’s as lame as everypony else now. Has been for months, at least. I mean, you can always ask her and prove me wrong. See what kind of letters she’s written to you! Figured out what postcards to throw your way! I’m sure that’ll be really enlightening. But, y’know. This is just from one dweeb about another.” Starlight smirked and offered Gilda the smuggest shrug ever witnessed in the past four centuries. “You can always ask.”

Starlight shouldn’t have taken delight in the way Gilda’s tail drooped, or the way her claws clenched onto bits of cloud. “Shouldn’t have” wasn’t the same of “didn’t,” though.

“Try matching that!” Rainbow Dash whooped as she pulled in for a landing. “Hey, why—”

Gilda spread her wings and rocketed off into the sky, leaving a chestnut blur and piercing screech in her wake. Rainbow’s jaw dropped as she she stared at the spot where Gilda had been. Pinkie’s jaw stayed in a bewildered gape as she stared at the all-knowing, all-benevolent unicorn. Starlight, meanwhile, had the class and decency to keep her jaw firmly shut.

“I think...I think we should go after her.” Pinkie mumbled. “I think her feelings were really hurt by—”

“Nope! Job’s finished, lessons were learned, everypony wins!” Starlight clapped her hooves. “You can take the rest of the day off if you want. I’m out of here.”

“Oh, and here’s a freebie friendship lesson.” Starlight told Pinkie, pointing an accusatory hoof at Rainbow Dash. “She’s a sucky prankster, because she’s going to be a massive jerk about her pranks a few years down the line. Not that you can do anything about that, but for the record? I told you so.”

Basking in the warm glow of her own brilliance, Starlight’s horn flared as she popped out of existence once more.

Starlight Glimmer emerged into her new time frame to the sound of the voice of what appeared to be an incredibly unintelligent pony.

"Look, unless an Ursa Major comes waltzing up the street for Trixie to vanquish, I am not gonna believe a word she says, and neither should you!"

Hey, that second voice sounded like her future castle-mate! Sure enough, there was Spike talking with two... unfortunate looking colts. Maybe they'll grow into their... something? Nah, those two losers are dying alone.

"Uhhh, okay, random, strangely familiar purple unicorn," drawled the tall, dumb one.

The two colts alternatively waddled and gangled over toward Starlight, "Alright, you guys, let me get this straight. Your plan is to go out into the dark, monster-ridden forest, find a bear-monster the size of a Manehatten skyscraper, bring it back to your small farming village, and hope that the random street performer you met ten minutes ago can beat it up? Have I got that right?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixe already vanquished an Ursa Major once!" squeaked the short, ugly one.

Starlight shook her head, "That was a magic show, not a news report you goobers! I mean don't get me wrong, no one's more fond of Trixie than I am (literally), but your plan is just going to get your town destroyed. And even if it doesn't, I will personally make certain your teacher gives you double the math homework for the rest of your educational careers, capice?"

"Dang it, now she has no reason to come back and try to exact vengeance in Season Three. Alright. Hey, you two idiots! Come back here! I need you to do something for me."

"Trixie doesn't understand it." Trixie complained while dodging rotten fruit, "Those two pathetic colts were just fawning over Trixie, and now they're spreading terrible rumors about her!"

"Oh Trixie, don't worry," said Starlight as she charged her horn to leave, "Sure, the next few years will be unbearable and you'll feel like you're trapped in a pit you'll never climb out of, but at the end of it you'll have me!" Starlight winked at Trixie with a mild leer before blinking out of existence, leaving the showmare terrified, baffled, and confusingly aroused.

"Um, excuse me, Twilight?" she said, in her most forward voice. "I know you're busy, but..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight, nose stuck in the map, didn't seem to have heard her for some reason. "Well, we could go thisway..."

Licking her lips, Fluttershy redoubled her paltry efforts. "But if I could just have a second..."

Sensing her opportunity, Fluttershy pounced on it like a wild, cuddly beast. "So, um, I was thinking that, um, maybe I should just stay here in Ponyville."

"Oh!" Fluttershy wasted no time in vacating the scene. "Good. I'll stay here and--"

Rainbow Dash bowled Fluttershy over as she insinuated herself in Twilight's map at high velocity. Twilight glowered at her.

Dash grabbed Twilight's head and turned it as far as it would go. "Look at the mountain!"

Twilight looked. They all did. There, at the top, the neverending trail of smoke was, well, ending. The oppressive black cloud that ringed its peak began to dissipate, little by little.

"There was some kind of crazy green light, then an explosion!" Dash babbled. "And now the smoke's clearing up!"

"Well that's unexpected," said Twilight. She produced a spyglass from her saddlebag and trained it on the mountaintop. She caught a small turquoise flash that was gone before she could get a good look at it.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear I just saw somepony teleporting." Eyes narrowed, Twilight collapsed the spyglass and placed it and the map back into her bag. "Come on, girls, let's check it out."

With cheers and hollers, her friends joined her in charging for the mountain. Pausing, Twilight turned and said, "Fluttershy, you can stay here if you want. I think our problem may have just sorted itself out, but I want to make sure."

"O-okay, Twilight," Fluttershy said, trying and failing to hide a smile. "I'll, um, hold down the fort!"

Twilight grinned before kicking back up the trail after her other friends. "Knew I could count on you!"

Fluttershy watched them go for a few moments, then, breathing a long sigh of relief, turned toward the direction of her cottage. All she needed was a quick visit to her animal friends and--

Fluttershy's scream caused a nearby bird to jump. A pink unicorn with teal-striped purple mane had just appeared out of nowhere only a few paces away. As Fluttershy's heart hammered in her chest, the unicorn winked at her and clicked her tongue.

"Don't say I never did nothin' for ya!" she said in a really bad Apple Family accent. Then, just as suddenly as she'd appeared, the mare was gone.

Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash at the doorstep of the Golden Oak Library, reluctantly disguised as Twilight Sparkle. She resisted the urge to look around—the clock was ticking.

She immediately spotted Rarity and Applejack shouting at each other in a nearby park. Broken branches and little topiary ponies swirled around them and flew away in the wind of the breaking storm, and they didn’t care. Starlight couldn’t hear what they were saying over the weather, but they sure were angry. And they were right up in each other’s faces—

A bolt of lightning struck close by and a boom of thunder rattled the air. Colored spots danced in Starlight’s vision, but she could see that her two friends were now wrapped tightly around each other, staring. And neither of them made a move to let the other go.

“Sheesh! No wonder they’re cranky,” she said. She charged her horn again and cast a spell before they could separate.

The wind surged hard and swirled tighter around the two mares, pushing their heads together until they were locked into a surprising kiss. Rarity and Applejack stared at each other with wide eyes for a few tense seconds—then their eyes closed, and their kiss really got going. Wind and soaking rain howled around them, lightning flashed, and thunder boomed! But they were oblivious.

Starlight howled with laughter and cupped her hooves in front of her muzzle to shout a final encouragement at the two tongue-wrestling ponies.

Then she disappeared in a flash, just as the door of the library tree began to open behind her.

Twilight Sparkle stepped out and stared in shock at her friends for a moment, but soon came to her senses. Her shout barely reached the mares through the howling of the storm.

The two friends pulled apart a little, watching each other and breathing heavily. Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“Did you hear anything, sugarcube?” she shouted. Rarity smiled and shouted back.

“Oh no, darling, I’m sure it was only the wind.” Her wet mane fell against Applejack’s muzzle as she leaned in and spoke into her friend’s ear. “Sweetie Belle is with my parents.”

“Awww,” Twilight cooed. “It’s great to see them finally getting along, Spike! I mean hey, really getting along...”

“If you say so,” Spike said, glaring as the two mares quickly turned to leave.

Twilight stared as the two galloping ponies finally disappeared in the direction of the Carousel Boutique.

“And maybe a good romance novel,” Twilight added. “Mettle and Mis-Judgement.”

"AAAA! Who are you, and why do you intrude
within my house, pink snobby unicorn?
In peaceful woods, the imposition's rude:
At home, intrusion is not to be borne!"

As Zecora recoiled and half-cowered behind her own cauldron, the mysterious visitor (who'd effortlessly bypassed any number of protective wards and cantrips that the studious zebra knew to be sound) began to speak.

"Shut up for just a moment, if you please:
I've business to conduct, and we will see
how best to soothe Ponyville's perfidies…
And if we can't," she winked, "the pizza's free!"

"Invite me not, oh wayward mare. Despite
your pride, you're not impressing me today.
You've given me no better than a fright.
What even is a pizza anyway?"

The smirking pink unicorn was undaunted, advancing on Zecora with chin high and tail higher.

"So, listen: lose the cloak. Like, YESTERDAY.
The ponies in this town are cute but dumb.
You're scaring them with your dark spooky ways
and to your door their angry hooves will drum.
They'll picture you an evil wicked mare,
who wrecks their wings and makes their horns go flop,
and many other things both foul and fair…
Don't worry. I got this. That tale will stop."

The pink unicorn's horn lit, and lifted into view from behind her a large bundle of…

"That's Poison Joke! How dare you taint my home
with pony hazards and dire zebra bane!
Get out of here! Be missing! Gallop! Roam!
And don't come back until you grow a…"

"SANE zebras," interrupted the pink unicorn, "trust the clever ponies who
help fix their future problems far and near.
Relax, dear stripey-butt, this won't hurt you:
It's sealed and hasn't touched one surface here."

Zecora subsided, glaring in frustration at the cocky unicorn. Sure enough, a telltale glimmer showed that the deadly leaves of Poison Joke were well insulated: she would not grow stray appendages or break out in neon colors from touching anything with Poison Joke residue on it. She cleared her throat.

"You speak of future problems, snotty mare:
I take it you forsee my own distress?
You're from the future, somewhen or somewhere?
You're here to fix a mess I haven't messed?"

The pink unicorn beamed, as if Zecora had done a rather clever trick, or gone a whole evening without having an accident on the carpet. There was no carpet, but she was just as delighted as if there was not only a fine carpet, but an entirely unsullied one at that.

"Exactly! Now remember, lose the cloak.
Find some excuse to meet the Apple clan.
The filly there is solid as an oak:
If anyone can help you here, she can.
You'll meet the ponies, nervous ones or brave.
You'll find new friends, which is their biggest joy.
Much grief and tribulation will you save:
Your love and theirs will prove a fine alloy."

Zecora's eyes were wide again. Unexpectedly, the annoying pink unicorn had proven some sort of super-pony, coming from the future to do good deeds without any reward. Zecora's gaze softened as she thought of the little pony community, so cute and pretty, viewed always at a distance from the depths of a dark, concealing cloak. Perhaps… yes, perhaps she could trust them to be true friends, even though she was a zebra. Indeed, she could help them in turn, with her herbal preparations and wisdom of the ages, passed down from zebra to zebra, but never shared with other creatures! That, too, could be the meaning of friendship.

"It will be so. I'll do just as you say.
My gratitude goes with you, stranger mare.
You bring to me a brighter, warmer day.
What service can I give you, half as fair?"

The unicorn blinked. "Oh! I'll be needing about nine to fifteen of those flowers. Don't ask."

Zecora's jaw dropped. The unicorn, apparently thinking her verbal misstep was the issue, hastened to explain.

"I give to you this dreaded harvest dire:
Fresh Poison Joke: keep carefully and well!
And if I've got a touch of marely fire,
well, hey, I'm Starlight Glimmer, what the hell?"

Zecora paused, studying the strange pink unicorn. Nine flowers of Poison Joke wasn't enough to harm many ponies: she was being given the bulk of the deadly harvest. It seemed the weird mare had some very specific plan in mind for a relatively low dosage: enough to make things odd for a small pony group, or to powerfully affect a single pony if they consumed every petal willingly.

"Perhaps. If you speak truth, you bring a boon.
I see some honesty within your eye,
yet there's a mischief that you're plotting soon.
I call upon you now, to tell me why."

Zecora stared at her, levelly, for second after second. Then she nodded, and spoke.

Starlight Glimmer flashed into existence near the Everfree Forest, clutching an excited looking Pinkie Pie.

"You sure you've got all your instruments? You know how to lead out the parasprites?"

Twilight woke up bright and early on her first Winter Wrap Up Day in Ponyville. Then she realized that she had woken up several hours too early and decided to read a book to pass the time. Once the time had come, however, she was as alert and ready as ever to get out into the snow and start cleaning it up the old fashioned way. No magic, no nonsense, just a tradition that’s been around for hundreds of years, or at least as long as Granny Smith has been alive. Sources vary. No better way to learn more than to be a part of it though!

However, as soon as she exited her home, Twilight noticed that the outdoors were actually warmer than the indoors. Not only that, but the snow was already gone, the flowers were already in bloom, the local squirrels were out and about instead of hibernating. Winter was wrapped up without her! “Was I too late? Maybe I shouldn’t have read that last chapter…”

“There she is!” It was Mayor Mare, the mare who mayored Ponyville, who may or may not have been merry, judging by the tone of her voice and the presence of her guards. “Seize her!” Nope, definitely not a merry Mayor Mare.

“Mayor, what’s going on?” Twilight asked as the Mayor's guards began to flank her. “You never told me that being late for Winter Wrap Up is illegal.”

“Missed it?” the Mayor asked. “You canceled it! I have witnesses that saw you at the scene using magic to change the season. Surely you know that’s not how it’s done here!”

“She didn’t do it, Mayor!” Applejack chimed in. She was flanked on either side by Rainbow Dash and Rarity. “I told you myself; it was a unicorn that looked like Miss Twilight. It wasn’t Twilight. If it was, I would’a’ told ya. I hope you ain’t twistin’ my words around.”

“I’m sorry Applejack,” the Mayor replied, “but what other unicorns in this town looks more like Twilight than Twilight?”

“From what I saw,” Rainbow Dash cut in, “she wasn’t a unicorn from town at all. I saw her show up in a flash of light, shoot a bunch of lasers out of her horn that wrapped up winter, then she was gone in a flash again in like 30 seconds.”

“So,” the Mayor said, “we already knew she had to be a strong powerful unicorn, but this means she could have shown up from anywhere. That’s troubling. However, it doesn’t rule out Twilight.”

“Pardon me, but” Rarity chimed in “I was a witness too, Mayor, and I’m positively certain that Applejack is exaggerating claiming they look anything like each other. Sure, they both have purple manes, but the unicorn who did this had a streak of pale aquamarine in hers. Not to mention, her coat wasn’t purple at all, rather a shade of heliotrope.”

“Well then,” the Mayor replied, “I suppose that sounds too different from Twilight to be possible. Guards, please leave the citizen alone.” They lowered their weapons and went away from Twilights doorway. “I’m sorry for the mixup. I hope that you can see it in your heart to help me with my search for whoever has done this.”

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Twilight asked, “but is using magic to change the season actually illegal?”

“I can’t say that it is,” Mayor Mare answered, “but contradicting our traditions like this shows some malice for the town. I want to at least talk to the pony who did this and understand why.”

“That’s something we can agree on Mayor,” Applejack smoldered. “Why the very idea that somepony would just come and dishonor our hard work and traditions with some fancy shmancy magic, and for what?”

“Maybe they were showing off,” Rainbow tried to answer. “I mean, even I couldn’t finish Winter Wrap Up alone in 30 seconds, but if I could, I know I’d wanna prove it.”

“Maybe they just teleported to the wrong spot?” Rarity hypothesized. “Most places do use unicorn magic. After all, it’s so much less messy work out of doors.”

“Well, Mayor,” Twilight said, “I have plenty of connections from academia that might know the powerful unicorn that fits this description, but it might take weeks, even months to find them, and even if we do there’s no telling whether they would confess or simply ignore our-”

“Um, Twilight,” Spike said from inside the house. He was holding a scroll addressed to her.

“Excuse me,” Twilight said, “I just need to check this for one second.” The letter read as follows:

This is your future student. I came back in time so you wouldn’t have to deal with this pointless, useless, racist tradition. You can thank me later. If you need it switched back, go find Starlight Glimmer in Sires Hollow and she’ll fix it. Tell her she owes you a free pizza while she’s at it. She’ll understand.

Twilight tried to glean more out of the short letter, but there just wasn't that much to get. “So,” she said, cautiously, “I think I know someone who can fix this. Do you guys all want pizza?”

Her three friends cheered for it while Mayor Mare had to stop her guards from doing the same, as if to say “No, that does not mean you.”

Twilight looked over the letter one more time with a pause. “I mean, it is kind of racist, isn’t it?”

The now familiar feeling of being tossed though time quickly vanished as Starlight was deposited in the new location. General nausea and lightheadedness retreated soon after, allowing her a look at her surroundings.

‘Trees’, she thought, ‘how helpful’. If her calculations were correct, which they always were, she should be relatively close to…

There is was, through the trees! The Ponyville Schoolhouse. After some rapid teleports around town and a quick search for a forked branch, she was ready.

Applebloom barely noticed the sound, too focused on Ms. Cherilee talking about Cutie Marks.

A quick glance at her side confirmed that the stuck up filly next to her was responsible. Probably trying to distract her on purpose. With an annoyed look, she turned back to their teacher.

That one, the opposite of subtle and loud enough that several other foals looked in their direction, finally snapped her nerves

“WHAT?” she hissed. But wasn’t met with the sneer she was expecting. Instead the unbearable filly was holding a note out to her. The ‘give it here’ gesture of her compatriot on Applebloom’s other side made their intention obvious enough.

“Applebloom!” the teacher’s shout caused her to freeze up in shock. Caught.

Cherilee frowned at her from the front of the class, “Are you passing a note?”

Opening her mouth to reply, the note fell to the ground, where it promptly burst into flames. Starlight then made her entrance with a crack of displaced mass as she appeared in the room.

“That’s enough of that.” Levitating behind her were two very confused foals and a stick.

“Uhhh…” was as far as she got before being impacted by two foals she’d never seen before, one a pure white unicorn and the other a pumpkin orange pegasus. The three landed in a bundle of legs near the back of the room, carried by the force of Starlight’s throw.

Starlight levitated up the other object she brought with her, a branch that forked in two at one end. She aimed it straight at the filly. Casting the spell gave her a pang of guilt and regret deep in her chest, but it was for a good cause this time.

The filly’s cutie mark, and that of her stuck up friend, were ripped from their owner’s flanks. A quick scan with her eyes located another blank-rumped filly and the stolen marks promptly stamped themselves onto either of her hips. She shot out of her chair with a yelp, feeling as though somepony had just whacked her flank with a fly swatter.

Cherilee, finally having found her voice, marched up at aisle at the pony tormenting her students. She was then bound and hung from the ceiling with magic, a gag appeared in her mouth.

Starlight nodded at her spellwork and turned her attention back to the offending fillies.

Breaking the branch and giving and awkward wave to the rest of the class, she cast the time travel spell again and leapt through, leaving minor scorch marks on the floor and sending a wind whipping through the room.

When all had settled, the spells apparently wore out, having lost their source of power. Cherilee dropped from the ceiling and proved, once and for all, that ponies are not as much like cats as many people think.

Applebloom and the two other fillies slowly disentangled themselves, trading awkward smiles and apologies. Their names were Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Applebloom thought they seemed really nice, maybe she’d ask them to hang out at Sugarcube Corner after all this.

And lastly, Twist, having turned around, was spun in a circle as the marks on either side of her flank shot off and returned to their owners. Said owners found themselves thrown to the ground by the sheer force of the reunion, with rumps that would remain sore for the next week.

The rainbow maned pegasus lazily flew upwards into the air. “Heh! Easy shmeasy!” With another easy win in the bag for sure, she was thinking of the next medal she could put on her wall. Next to her Trophy cabinet, next to her closet full of them…. What? She had a lot of them! If you’re not trying! You’re not winning!

“HOLD ON!” Applejack’s voice snapped her from her thoughts before she hit the dirt. With the buff farm pony now standing on her tail, she had no choice but to listen to Applejack’s banter. “There is ONE condition.” The farm pony narrowed her eyes at Rainbow. “The point is to run. So no, wings, allowed.”

“No wings?” With a grin, she bucked Applejack right off her tail, sending her flying with a yell. “No problem!” Rainbow’s voice cracked a bit, ruffling her wings a bit. With the two ponies back on their hooves, they locked eyes for the briefest of moments.

Applejack spit directly onto her hoof, and Rainbow followed suit as they went to bring them together. In a split second, a flash of light purple light appeared before them and before they knew it, a pony was standing right in the path of their spit-laden hooves.

“Oof!” Starlight Glimmer jumped a bit as two wet hooves smacked into each of her cheeks. “Ow, geez you two. I know you like it rough, but… Ow.” Rubbing her now sore jaw, the two mares looked quizzically at the new pony.

“Sorry about that miss! I uh, do I know you?” Applejack narrowed her eyes, looking at the pale heliotrope unicorn before her.

With a shake of her head, Starlight smiled. “No, I’m just a mare on a mission.” She put a hoof around the two and pulled them together. “Now, I hear you two are have a little competition, but you need to stop acting like a couple of foals!”

Glaring hard at the pegasus, Starlight continued. “Shut up and listen… You’re letting this stupid competition of ‘whos better’ ruin your friendship!” Magenta eyes met green ones, a few moments pass before Applejack sighed.

“While some ponies, are better at other things!” The two friends shared a small smile, staring in each others eyes.

“Good! Now get over yourselves and be friends again.” There was a moment or two of silence, before Starlight pushed them just a little closer together. The two mares blushed before pulling back, Applejack’s muzzle scrunched up while Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head.

“R-right.” There was a glint of playfulness in Starlight's eyes before she stepped back. With a flash of light, the mare that stood there was gone. That left Applejack and Rainbow Dash staring wide-eyed at the slightly singed grass where the unicorn had stood.

“Friends can be harsh, even when they don’t mean to be
These dresses are awesome, but they don’t see that, you see?
They want to wear nests and candy on their heads,
Make you wish you’d curled up and were dead,
Then your career nearly goes up all in smoke,
And you’ll end up looking like a joke,
That’s why I'm feeding Opalescence thiiiiis~”

The fresh presence of the singing pony in her workshop, interrupting her closing her song, nearly sent poor Rarity catatonic. She’d been putting the finishing touches to the last of the Gala dresses for her friends, and enjoying a good sing-a-long while she’d been doing it, when an extra vocal harmony created a final verse that had certainly not been expected.

“Hello Rarity!” Glimmer waved hurriedly as she pushed a cat bowl to the white purring fluff ball, allowing Opal to greedily feast on the laced biscuits that now resided in it. The periwinkle pony with a mostly modest purple mane put a stopper on a bottle marked "Hypnotoad Spittle - Not for use on-" only for it to be put away before the full label be read by the fashionista.

“You’re that…” Rarity fumbled for the right name, but could not remember her friends actually telling her what she was called, “...time pony, right? What are you giving my Opal?”

“Sorry, I'm on the clock,” Starlight looked to the many watches along her forelegs as she spoke, her ears folding in discomfort, “let's just say it's a Zecora special and it should wear off in seven days. So-” She suddenly screamed out and pranced on the spot urgently, before tugging Rarity in to look her in the eyes.

“Five seconds left! Really shouldn't have sung a song! Rarity, follow these instructions to the letter! Make sure that your friends look Opalescence in the eyes before they look at their new dresses, remember to tell them you're the boss and don't look the cat in the eyes yourself or else you'll-”

Pop! The strange shouting mare was gone before she could finish the full sentence. The pale snow mare with the luxurious mane fell into the void left by the vanishing pony, yelping at the bump to her chin.

“Ouch!” she winced, rubbing her jaw and groaning, “what on Equestria could she mean about not looking at you, Opalescence? Why, you’re just too adorable not to-”

Her words were not cut short. They simply did not need to exist anymore when the feline spun around to reveal deep, spinning pools where it’s eyes had once been. There was no more worries or frets about the dresses, they were just fine. There was only Opalescence, and that was all that mattered…

“Rarity? You okay in there? You haven't come out for days,” called a sugar-high voice as the party pony known as Pinkie Pie pushed open the door and trotted in, leading the procession of her other friends. The curtains were drawn shut, the room looked unswept and unkempt. There was no sign of the dressmaker in the main foyer, just a lot of bowls of cat kibble and dozens of feline-friendly toys scattered all over the floor.

“Who said you can’t become a crazy cat-lady with just one cat?” hissed Pinkie to the others. Twilight Sparkle gave a long-suffering shake of her head then set off up the stairs, calling for her friend.

It was only once the five concerned allies slipped into an open bedroom that they found a frazzled Rarity, petting a puff of milky fluff on her bed and looking completely spaced, which added strength to Pinkie’s “Cat-lady” rumors. Ahead of her were five completed dresses, sparkling, beautiful and perfect, one for each of her darling pals.

“Err, Rarity? Are these complete?” Grumbled Rainbow in an unsavory manner, “I thought mine was going to be, you know… Cooler. By about twen-”

“Is this really the time, Rainbow?” scolded Applejack, before turning to Rarity with sympathy, “err, Sugarcube? Are you strugglin’ with the dresses? T’ain’t like they’re bad, jus’...” before she finished, Rarity rose the hoof she’d been petting her cat with and shook her head.

“I’m the boss,” she droned in a monotonous manner, still staring straight ahead. Fluttershy gasped in horror.

“Rarity! What-What’s happening to Opalescence? She’s gotten so-so… so big! Have you been over feeding her?” As she protested, the cat struggled to rise from the bed, a wide expanse of fur on matchstick legs. However, when she spun around and her eyes fell upon them all, the group of comrades stiffened instantly and eyes widened to the size of saucers. They each sat obediently, unblinking, and obeyed their whiskered mistress.

“We love our dresses, they’re perfection, we will not tamper with the white one’s work,” all five said in uniformity with each other, heads nodding.

“We will learn not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and remember that we know nothing about fashion,” almost all of them agreed.

“Although, the armscye's tight,” began Fluttershy robotically, “the middy collar doesn't-”

“Oh, right, s-sorry…” added the butter yellow mare, managing to sound a little bashful behind the bored tone.

“Purrrr~owl,” finished Opal, and the ponies complied, breaking out of ranks to pet the cat, feed her, comb her, and generally provide her with her heart’s every whimsical desire. It was good to be a cat.

In the next few days, Opal did one good thing with her power - she encouraged the friends to complete Rarity’s dress using Fluttershy’s mad skills with a sewing needle. When they awoke on the seventh day, the cat had stuffed herself silly with treats and was achingly as round as a ball.

“Meow,” she said as they worried over their lost days and the sickly feline. She was right, it had been a very productive week.

Starlight Glimmer ignored Twilight's suspicious look, countering it with a wide smile. "A movie!"

"I can see that." Twilight looked at the rail and then looked up at the other unicorn. "I've never heard of "Frozen" before."

"That's because it hasn't been released yet," Starlight explained. "I did mention that earlier."

Twilight paused. "Okay. I'll bite. How is this related to Pinkie's so-called Pinkie Sense?"

"Just watch it and pay close attention to Elsa's song. I'll come back for the movie later."

Twilight eyed the other unicorn warily until she left the library, then looked down at the movie reel again. "Why not?" She shrugged and used her magic to bring out her projector. "Might as well take a look."

Starlight watched Twilight leave the library, humming and singing to herself, "Let it go, let it gooo..."

Rainbow Dash collided into the archives of the Golden Oaks Library with a flash and a bang.

For a moment, Twilight’s world was white noise and blindness. She reached out feebly, trying desperately to put together what had just happened. She was feeling existential dread and hyperventilating. There were loud flashes and harsh noises. Twilight had read of these symptoms; as her mind finally began to clear, she could only come to one conclusion. Standing before her was a mysterious pink unicorn, a cyan stripe in her purple mane, her magic still crackling from her horn as a warm smile stretched across her face.

“Twilight!” the figure said, pulling Twilight Sparkle to her hooves. “Are you alright?!”

“I’m Starlight Glimmer, your best friend and loyal student in the future!” the unicorn said. “There’s no time to explain, but a friendship problem is coming to you and yours soon, and I’m here to solve it as fast as I can!”

“Who is asking?” said a dainty, woozy, voice in the corner, as Rarity slowly rose onto shaky hooves. In an instant, Rarity was zapped in Starlight Glimmer’s seafoam magic, and in an instant, she disappeared.

Twilight’s existential dread gave away to horrified panic. Judging from the screaming, her friends felt the same. Her horn glowed instinctively as she scrambled to find the first self-defense spell she could. “What the hay did you just do to my friend?!”

“It’s okay!” Starlight Glimmer said. “I just banished Rarity to the Elemental Plane of Fabrics! She’ll be fine!”

“The Elemental Plane of Fabrics! It’s the place in timespace where all fabric that was and ever will be floats in a perfectly livable void! Trust me, if you knew the friendship problems coming you’d have done the same thing! You can get her back with…”

Starlight Glimmer raised the books – and Twilight’s other friends – in her magic, quickly sorting through them as best as she could. “Where is it? Jeez Louise, this is poor bookkeeping, Twilight! Are these volumes even numbered?!”

“J-Just hold on a second here!” Twilight spluttered. “You came from the future to send my friend Rarity to an elemental plane?!”

“Hold on a darn-tootin’ second!” Applejack cried. “Rarity’s where?!”

“You bring Rarity back right now!” Rainbow Dash growled, flailing ineffectually as Starlight Glimmer scoured rapidly through book covers. “I oughta kick your butt back to… to wherever! Aaaargh!”

“I can’t bring Rarity back, Rainbow Dash! I mean, I could, but then a thousand bad things would happen in a row! There are better ways to learn about how to handle being upstaged than everybody almost dying in a horrible accident!”

Starlight Glimmer was hyperventilating. She stopped herself, taking in a deep breath and dropping everything in her magic. Books and ponies rained onto the floor again, as a bewildered Twilight Sparkle tried to blink away her confusion. “What? Wait, Rarity is going to almost die?!”

“Just trust me on this!” Starlight Glimmer said, yanking a book from the pile. “Finally! Here it is!” She tossed the book to Twilight Sparkle, who peered at the cover. “There! You’ll need that book to get her back, but only after the Best Young Flier’s competition!”

As Twilight Sparkle scried through the book, Starlight Glimmer turned around. “Now, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow Dash rose to her hooves, stomping towards Starlight with fury in her eyes. The unicorn rolled her eyes, raising a hoof to her heart. “I’m your best friend from the future! Rarity is fine! Just hold still, okay?”

“Hold still for what?” Rainbow Dash growled, before she was enveloped in Starlight’s magical glow, only able to let out a cry of fear before she… she…

She was just there. She was just standing. But now, she felt… What did she feel? Rainbow Dash couldn’t put her hoof on it. “What… What the hay did you…”

“Just a little spell I whipped up to eliminate your negative emotions,” Starlight Glimmer said, beaming.

“Great! So now, you won’t feel nervous! Or any negative emotion! You may lose out on a few positive ones but, hehe, hey, small price to pay for winning the Best Young Fliers competition, right, Rainbow Dash?”

“You n’ I have a pretty different definition of success there, weird future pony,” Applejack said, waving a hoof in front of Rainbow Dash’s face.

“Alright, my work here is done, gotta run! Word of warning, I might be evil when next we meet, so like, have an open mind and stuff! Okay, bye!”

With a flash of light and a horrendous noise, Starlight Glimmer was gone as fast as she had come. Twilight Sparkle rubbed her eyes, gazing over the chaos that strange unicorn from the future had wrought. Fluttershy was cowering under a table. Applejack was trying to shake Rainbow Dash awake from her spellbound state. Rarity was literally in another dimension. And Pinkie Pie?

The entire time, Pinkie Pie had sat in the corner, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, her mouth hanging open. Through the entire ordeal, exactly one word left her lips, and it’s sentiment was one Twilight couldn’t have agreed more with.

"Now," Starlight muttered to herself as she emerged into yet another day in the past, "...if I got the coordinates right…"

Her suspicions were proven correct the area shook and the desperate clucks of several chickens filled the air, followed by a rather loud, "GIRLS!"

Starlight smirked, scratching another mental mark on her tally of perfect jumps and gave herself a mental hoof-bump. "Oh yeah."

She pulled out her copy of Twilight's Friendship journal and revised it just to make sure she had it right, then proceeded to cast a series of spells on herself before heading into the forest.

"Girls, you have to be careful! There's a cockatrice on the loose!" Fluttershy pleaded. "We have to go home."

"It's a fearsome creature with the head of a chicken and body of a snake! It—"

Fluttershy stopped as the girls walked around her. "That just sounds silly!" Apple Bloom declared. "Why, if Ah ever see one of those I'll just laugh it away!"

"Apple Bloom!" Fluttershy chided, aghast at the filly's reaction. "That's not—who… I'm going to have a talk with your sister, missy!"

Her horn glow and confused chicken floated out of the bushes, landing in front of Fluttershy and wobbling a bit before falling to the side. "Don't worry, she's okay," the unicorn informed them. "Just paralyzed."

She then proceeded to hoof over a potion to Fluttershy, who took it with a confused expression. "Soften Brew." The unicorn said. "To de-stone Twilight. I've also teleported the Cockatrice back to its natural habitat. You're welcome."

"And you girls…" Starlight said, turning to glare at the three before casting yet another spell made all three slump unconscious. "Should be in bed."

She smiled at Fluttershy. "There. I also fixed your table, and the gate. Enjoy the rest of your evening!"

Fluttershy stared at the three unconscious fillies, the frozen chicken and the potion. Then she blinked, shrugged and picked them all up. It was kind of late anyway.

And Second: Earth Ponies have very peculiar ideas about what you do in your free time.

In the outskirts of Applejack’s orchard, between the trees and rocks of the woodland, a temporal rift splits open. Like a rounded cube Starlight Glimmer rolls from the spacial opening and falls stomach-first onto the grass. Her copy of the friendship journal follows with her, landing page-open on her head.

The unicorn groans from the minor pain. “Glimmy took a tumble,” she upsettingly says to herself in a slightly dazed state. In a rush, she shakes her head and conjures a bucket of water, splashing herself in the face before getting onto her hooves and checking her surroundings.

“A little off,” she mentions to herself before dashing off in the direction of where the Cutie Mark Crusaders Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo should be. She arrives just as the young pegasus is giving her laughable performance of song-writing. The mare takes a second to just catch her breath before continuing.

Quick about her wits, Starlight conjures a megaphone. In her magical aura it comes to life, amplifying for a second before she is able to speak. “Attention Cutie Mark Crusaders!” This loud announcement gets all three fillies to look in Starlight’s direction and venture to a front row seat, confused looks on the three.

“Who’re you?” Sweetie Belle asks, but Starlight raises her hoof while her megaphone pops away as if it was never existing in the first place.

“Who I am isn’t important. Look, all of you are pushing yourselves way too much to find your true talents. Just let things come naturally.”

All three of the fillies look at one another with a bewildered expression. They had no idea who this mare was or how she knew what they were doing.

“Just trust me on this, okay my little ponies? I gotta run, see you three later!” With that, Starlight teleports away and onto the next lesson to fix in record time, leaving the three friends to give a much less enthusiastic performance at the talent show, and realizing they’re definitely not comedians.

As the Diamond Dog closed in, he pinched the gem on his collar. “We hunt for gems. But, you are a better hunter.” Each step, Rarity and Spike kept walking backwards as he came closer and closer. “So now we hunt, for you!”

With that, two more popped out of the ground, sending the small dragon falling backwards. Now, with two more Diamond Dogs behind her, Rarity turned and let out a small scream. But, before any could even realize, three beams of magic zipped across the landscape. Zip~! Zap~! Zam~! The Diamond Dogs were blown away, figuratively and very literally. Tumbling to the ground, they skidded to a halt no more than a few meters away.

“W-who dids that?!” The leader roared in anger, the fur on his back a little singed. Upon looking around, they all spotted a lone mare standing upon the cliffside. “YOU! You dids this!” With a bright flash of purple light, the mystery mare teleports down in front of the dogs, the three quickly scrambled back up to their paws.

“You should really should pick on somepony your own size, greedy mutts!” With another round of spells, the unicorn blasted the dogs back once more. “Now, get out of here! And don’t come back!”

Groaning, the three looked at the pissed off mare before hesitating. With one step closer, they took off with their tails between their legs. “Hah! Serves em right!” Brushing her mane from her face, Starlight looked back at Rarity and Spike, who sat there in awe. “Awesome! I can get this over with and onto the next one in record time!”

“Wait, don’t I know you?” Rarity looked at Starlight suspiciously before the purple unicorn booped the fashionistas muzzle.

“Don’t worry about that! Go around that corner, there’s about five minecarts full of gems there. Get the others and you can have them all.” Rarity perked up instantly, and trotted around the small, stone hill all while happily muttering to herself. With the mare out of sight, a heavy sigh came from Starlight’s mouth. “Sweet Faust above… These don’t seem to get any easier.”

Starlight glared hard as Rarity galloped past them to Ponyville, before glancing down at the dragon next to her. “And Spike? A little advice?” She then leaned in and whispered a few things into his ear before giggling.

“W-wait? How do you know that?!” He flushed red as Starlight brushed his frills before taking a few steps back.

The grin across her muzzle was huge. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Trust me, even though her and her friends are a little chaotic right now? Give em a year or so. They’ll grow out of it. Bye for now!” In a flash, she was gone. Leaving a very confused Dragon standing there.

Twilight paced in her position back-stage. The music was building, it was about time for Fluttershy’s cue, and for Twilight to intentionally nosedive the shy pegasus’ modeling career.

As soon as Fluttershy took her first tentative step onto the runway, her horn lit. The air smelled of ozone, and a ball of light swelled and popped, lightning snapping off its corona and grounding on nearby metallic objects.

When the dazzle left her eyes, a pale-lavender pony stood in front of her, consulting a book. Her own horn lit a cheerful turquoise, and Twilight felt a ward drop.

“Simple telekinesis, really Twilight? You should have gone with something flashier.”

Twilight watched as Fluttershy’s pupils shrank to pinpricks, and her expression hardened. The only time she'd seen the shy pegasus look like that had been confronting the dragon.

She didn't demurely creep as she normally did, instead she strutted in a way that would have made Rainbow Dash green with envy.

The reedy crackle of Photo Finish’s voice raised above the crowd murmur, some stage direction or another. Fluttershy snapped her muzzle around like a raptor seeking prey and flared her wings aggressively.

That simple word, a steel dagger sheathed in the silk of ‘Shy’s voice. She slowly built to a shout, advancing to the edge of the stage.

“This has gone on far enough! You've embarrassed me, humiliated my best friend who only wanted to sew outfits for your photo shoots, dragged me all over Equestria!”

“I don't give a flying feather who you think you are. We're going to do things the way I want to, or not at all.”

Photo Finish shook under the onslaught of Fluttershy’s full fury… and began snapping photographs. As if she hadn't noticed, Fluttershy stepped off the stage and advanced down the center aisle. Rarity had just entered and caught the whole scene, and had time for a small gasp before she was wrapped in a wing and ushered out the door.

Starlight fixed Twilight with a sideways smirk, a circle of light glowing around her hooves.
“A simple Enrage charm. She'll snap out of it right around the time that she's got her tongue down Rarity’s throat. ‘ta, Twilight, see you in five years!”

Another flash of light and the pony was gone, leaving Twilight so nonplussed she was nearly minused.

As the Appleloosans and Buffalo gathered at the stage, a hush fell over the crowd. A few ponies smiled eagerly throughout the audience, but Chief Thunderhooves and Sheriff Silverstar were still scowling as they glanced at one another. Everyone’s attention was drawn fully, however, when Spike began to play on the piano. The curtains parted, and a large clamshell opened to reveal Pinkie sitting inside, wearing an elaborate showmare outfit. She began to sing.

“We may be divided,
But of you all I beg
To remember we’re all hooved
At the end of ea—”

A bright magical aura surrounded the top of the clam shell, and shut it with a thunderous clap, leaving Pinkie trapped inside as she banged on the interior. “Hey, I wasn’t finished!”

A flash of magic at the middle of the stage heralded the arrival of a pale purple unicorn, drawing gasps from the crowd as they muttered amongst one another. They barely had time to process what happened, however, before the unicorn produced a fresh, still-steaming apple pie, and flung it through the air directly at Chief Thunderhooves. It impacted his face with a loud, wet splash, staining his fur with stuffing and crust. An even louder set of gasps came from the crowd, and everyone watched in stunned silence.

Starlight rolled her eyes as she received accusatory glances from the Buffalo, and even some of Twilight’s friends. “Oh come on, it’s just an apple pie,” she said, twirling a hoof in the air. “Try it, Chief.”

All eyes turned to the towering chief as his tongue reached out from between his lips and licked up the scattered bits of crust and stuffing. Only a moment after he swallowed, he reached out with his tongue again, this time licking as much of the mess as he could reach off of his face. “T-that was… delicious!” he shouted, a wide smile plastered on his face.

The clamshell at the back of the stage flew open, and Pinkie gasped for air. She then cleared her throat and continued singing.

Starlight lit up her horn and a larger clamshell appeared beneath the first, snapping both of them shut in a sudden movement. The resounding “SNAP!” was enough to leave the crowd’s ears ringing. “Now where was I…”

Starlight turned her attention to Sheriff Silverstar, pointing a hoof at him. “Just cut down like a dozen trees to make a path through the orchard and give them pies once a year.” The sheriff looked to the chief and the pair stared at one another for a tense few seconds.

The duo clam shells both flew open, sending a few curtains falling off of the railings. Pinkie took several deep breaths, her outfit a tattered mess after nearly a minute of thrashing about inside.

Starlight’s horn lit up once again, and the two clamshells snapped shut before being lifted into the air, wrapped up in a dozen chains and held shut by three separate locks. It was then dropped, unceremoniously, back onto the stage, cracking a few boards as it rested into place. “Honestly, Pinkie,” she muttered to herself, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Twilight,” Starlight continued, turning to the unicorn and her friends in the crowd, “Stop butting into things. You guys kind of just mess things up a lot now and then.”

Twilight groaned, trying to bury one of her hooves into her forehead as a headache started to form.

Starlight turned back to the still shut clam shells, taking a step towards it so that the trapped mare could hear her clearly. “Pinkie, lay off the singing outside of Ponyville. Not everyone likes your songs.”

“But I practiced it for like an hour,” Pinkie replied, still stuck inside the twin clam shells and beating her hooves against the interior. Starlight pulled a scroll from her bag, and vanished in another flash of magic. “... Can somepony let me out now?”

Starlight Glimmer popped into existence out front of Fluttershy’s cottage and looked at the clock tower. The time was exactly 3:59pm. Which meant if she punched out that rabbit now he would never remind Fluttershy about the party and she never take Philomena. Plus Starlight wanted to punch the stupid rabbit anyway.
And so she did. And so didn’t Fluttershy.

My Faithful Student
Please tell Spike to not use his message sending firebreathe to make creme brulee. My throne is covered in burnt cream… at least I hope that’s what it is.
Sincerely, Princess Troll Celestia.

Once the dust, leaves, bits of shattered wood, and tripartite wounded prides settled, Apple Bloom was the first to speak. "See anything?"

"Tree sap and pine needles," Scootaloo replied, equally bruised in body and spirit herself, "but no cutie mark."

"Plan B?" Sweetie Belle suggested--or at least would have, had a titanic clap of arcane-induced thunder not simultaneously kept her from speaking and sent all three Crusaders ducking for cover. Once they looked up--and the rather-perturbed-at-this-point dust got a chance to calm down again--they found themselves staring at a panting unicorn mare with a lavender coat and a purple and pink striped mane who looked almost exactly like Twilight Sparkle, if Twilight Sparkle had had a massive inferiority complex and wasted years of her youth chasing a fanciful ideal of a perfect world only she could hope to create. So in other words, she looked like Twilight Sparkle with weird hair.

"Okay!" the mare who probably wasn't actually Twilight said, swiveling in place for a moment before her eyes latched onto the three small fillies gaping up at her from beneath a recently disturbed pine tree. "Soooo... Cutie Mark Crusaders. Right! You guys were... oh geez, this is gonna be a tough one. Here, you, hold this."

The mare had been talking to Scootaloo when she spoke, and holding out a magically conjured stopwatch towards her when she finished. Gingerly, Scootaloo took the device in both hooves and brought it to her chest, her eyes darting back and forth between it and the mare who seriously looked exactly like Twilight with, like, two hundred percent more emotional baggage. "Hit the button on the top when I say 'go'," the mare said, nodding first at the stopwatch and then at Scootaloo. "Ready... go!"

"So Applejack got her cutie mark by running away from home, living with rich relatives for a bit, realizing she didn't like being from old money if she couldn't earn any of it herself, and went back to her farm to live in poverty forever out of sheer principle. Fluttershy went to flight camp and got made fun for being a wimp until Rainbow Dash cared enough to bail her out while still not caring enough to avoid accidentally smacking her out of the sky presumably to her death, but it all ended up okay because the animals on the ground saved her and she realized ponies couldn't be trusted for anything and the raw chaos of nature was the only dependable constant in an uncaring universe. Meanwhile, Rarity got just absolutely extra about a school play and ended up getting dragged by the horn out to some gemstones she used to fill the gaping hole of self-assurance her short-sighted peers could never provide, and Pinkie Pie kind of did the same thing but out on a rock farm and with slightly more implied violation of foal labor laws. And of course, during all of this, Rainbow Dash went fast enough during the race she almost killed Fluttershy for to break the sound barrier, and that startled Twilight Sparkle into wilding out and nearly destroying Canterlot with her untapped magical potential, which apparently prompted Celestia to take her in as her personal student and give her a sapient dragon hatchling as a pet-slash-homegrown-assistant."

"Also, you guys don't actually get your cutie marks until about four or five years from now, and it's only after you dodge answering your biggest rival's question of what her cutie mark means and you realize your entire life's purpose was pointless by its very nature, which all happens right before the Elements of Harmony stop me from preventing everything I just mentioned from happening because I was upset that my entire life's purpose was doomed to colossal, world-ending failure from the start, which, wow, is really kind of ironic now I think about it and am saying it out loud, but anyway, that's how your so-called 'Plan B' goes, and now the rest of your day is free. Time! How long was that?"

None of the three Cutie Mark Crusaders answered her. After a moment's pause, the mare's still-ticking stopwatch slipped out of Scootaloo's outstretched hooves and clunked down onto the forest floor.

"Hmm," the mare hummed. "All right, if I just call that thirty seconds, are any of you gonna say anything?"

With a slight grunt and a blinding flash of her horn, the mare was gone. The silence she left in her wake persisted for several seconds, only broken by Apple Bloom's errant cough.

"Okay, seriously, who was that?" she said once her voice fell back under her control. "And why does she keep showin' up right as we're about to go on cutie mark crusadin' adventures?"

"I dunno," Scootaloo said, after receiving a nod of tacit agreement from Sweetie Belle, "but whoever she was, I hope we never see her again."

And then they did. But not until five years later after Scootaloo forgot she said that, so technically it all worked out fine.

"So lifelike... and when Twilight discovers it shredded up on her floor, she'll think mouse-eating Owloiscious is to blame. And I'll be Number One again!" With a wicked laugh and a flourish of his cape, Spike turned on his heel and made his way out the front door of the deserted Carousel Boutique, glancing this way and that in case someone might see him.

But he had not gone far when all at once there was a noise like thunder, and before him flashed a bright ruddy light, from which materialized a hooded figure.

Spike skidded to a stop, tilting his stovepipe hat forward and drawing up his cape to hide his expression of surprise. The stranger was equine in shape, but its features were entirely covered by its jet-black cloak.

"And... where do you know me from?" His composure more or less regained, Spike stood on tip-toe to look taller.

"Never you mind. I am here, little dragon, because we are something alike in spirit."

Slowly, Haborym grew closer until Spike could smell its sulfurous breath. "You are prideful--oh, so prideful. Envious as well. And your sin of omission regarding the blue tome, followed by flattery of your mistress--most cunning. It might have succeeded, with my assistance. Now your deceptions grow more ambitious, but this one will also fail. Let us form a partnership, my young friend."

"Behold," Haborym said. And before Spike could say anything, there was another flash of red light. Now, all across the ground around their feet, there was an illusory map of the near face of the Earth: Here was Equestria, there was Griffonstone, there was the Hippogriff kingdom, and beyond these, others Spike did not recognize.

"All the kingdoms of the world belong to me," Haborym said, "though they do not know it. These I will give you, on a single condition." It leaned forward until Spike nearly gagged on the stench of brimstone. "Swear utter fealty to me."

"No!" Now almost in tears, Spike flung the fake mouse away with all his might and bolted in the direction of the library, shedding his accoutrements as he went. The hat went into an alley, the cape fluttered into a ditch, and the mustache was trod underfoot. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Twilight! Twilight!"

The moment that Spike was out of sight, the stranger shrugged off its cloak to reveal a benign-looking mare with a lilac coat. "How about that?" Starlight said to herself as she doused the sulfur burner that hung around her neck. "I'm a natural with kids."

Starlight materialized with a audible pop in front of Sugarcube Corner Bakery. She pulled the Friendship journal from her satchel and turned to the page entitled “Pinkie Pie’s birthday Mix-Up”. Since the entry had been written from Twilight’s point of view, Starlight was unsure where the pink pony could be. She decided to head into the bakery and check out Pinkie’s room above the shop.

“Mrs. Cake, is Pinkie upstairs?” The aqua blue earth pony with a swirled pink bouffant mane looked at her quizzically.

“Welcome to SugarCube Corner ! I don’t think we’ve met. I thought I knew everyone in this town. Are you new to Ponyville, dearie?”

Starlight didn’t answer and instead trotted up the wooden staircase. As she was nearing the top, a small purple dragon was headed down. Spike was holding his pale belly in a walking food coma and muttering to himself.

“Too many gems. But they were so good,” he muttered. Starlight stepped aside on a landing, and the little dragon passed by without noticing her. Starlight knocked purposefully on Pinkie’s door and entered without waiting for a response. The pink pony’s normally bouncy curls lay in lank sheets. Starlight had heard of Pinkie’s infamous deflated-mood-hair but had never seen it in person before. The effect was a bit disconcerting.

Pinkie Pie sat at the head of the table, staring dejectedly off into space. Starlight pushed a bucket of turnips off one the chairs, causing stack of rocks to crash to the floor. (Why were there turnips and rocks up here ?) She sat in the chair and addressed the earth pony.

“Hey there, Pinkie. Pinkie Pie, look at me,” said the purple unicorn. Pinkie shifted in her chair and faced away from Starlight.

“Go away. You weren’t invited.” Starlight swore to herself. Her time traveling spell had been a little off. She had meant to get to Ponyville earlier that morning, before Pinkie had delivered the invitations to Gummy’s After Birthday Party. That way, she could have simply reminded Pinkie that today was her birthday, and her friends were already planning a surprise party. Simple. Easily done in 30 seconds. But Starlight had arrived a half day late.

Now it was mid afternoon, and Pinkie had already gone the whole day thinking her friends were keeping secrets from her. This was going to take a little bit of work. Starlight walked over the the other side of the table, this time knocking a bag of flour to the ground.

“Pinkie Pie, look at me,” she repeated. Pinkie Pie looked at Starlight, but her eyes seemed a little...off. Her face twitched unpredictably. I don’t have time for this, Starlight thought to herself. “Pinkie, what day is today ?”

This was going nowhere, thought Starlight. “No, Pinkie, what’s the date ?”

Pinkie looked at the unicorn and said, “I didn’t invite you. Are you a friend of Sir Lints-A-Lot?”

“No, Pinkie, Im not a friend of Sir Lints-A-Lots. I’m a friend of Twilight Sparkle. And I know you think she’s been keeping secrets. Let me tell you, they’re not secrets. They’re surprises. Your friends are planning a party for you. It’s YOUR BIRTHDAY, you nutcase ! How can you forget your own birthday ? You know every Birthday, Anniversary, Holiday, Monthaversary and Event in this town, but you can’t remember your own birthday ?” At this point, she was practically shouting. The realization slowly dawned on the earth pony’s face. Her pink mane and tail coiled itself into bouncy curls with an audible squeak.

“You mean my friends are planning a party for my birthday ?” Pinkie squealed in excitement.

“Yup.There’s going to be dancing and games and cake and ice cream and punch. Now don’t forget to act surprised.”
Starlight’s transportation spell energized and Pinkie was deposited in front the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. The purple unicorn took a deep breath and readied herself for her next time travel spell.

The basement of Golden Oaks Library was dark, and full of mares chained to one another.

Rarity sobbed loudly. Fluttershy, whose face was pressed uncomfortably against Rarity’s, cringed and sputtered as a veritable deluge of tears threatened to drown her.

Twilight scowled. “Pinkie, I understand you’re trying to look on the bright side here—”

“No, I approve of how she’s able to see the actual service I’m doing for you all,” came the voice whom the mane six had all grown to loathe, what with it belonging to the mare who had chained them all up in an uncomfortable bundle in Twilight’s basement and all. A pale glow lit the room, casting long shadows in the dim light, but it was just strong enough to make out the smug grin of the pony producing it. “I mean, not in a more overarching sense, of course—”

The sound of chains rattling filled the room as Applejack thrashed around. Rainbow and Fluttershy, who were packed on either side of her like sardines, grunted as she uncomfortably smashed her bound limbs into their sides. “I swear, if y’all don’t let us loose right now, I’m going to—”

“Struggle against the chains futilely? I mean, not to polish my own horn here—”

“—but these are some pretty resilient chains. Even put a proper charm on them so Rarity and Twilight can’t weasel out.” The mare laughed and slowly began to trot away. “You know, the best part about this is that you’ll actually teach me this spell.” She gestured to Twilight.

“I am certain I don’t want to find out the circumstances under which I thought it necessary to do such,” Twilight said with a grim shiver. “Also, who are you?”

“A friend. A very, very good friend.” The mare had begun to trot away towards the steps leading out of the basement, but she paused, and turned her head back before giving the mares in bondage a knowing smirk. “Trust me, you didn’t want to be at the Gala tonight anyway.”

The entirety of the main ballroom of Canterlot Palace was coated in a thick layer of lime-green slime. The horrible ooze monstrosity that Starlight had dropped in moments before going to kidnap the mane six and force them all into a chain sushi roll was bubbling and splattering across everypony and everything. Terrified and confused Canterlot socialites scrambled about, wailing as The Smooze grew larger and larger in size and began to engulf everything in sight.

“This really is the best night ever,” she said, a single tear of pure joy rolling down her cheek.

Starlight Glimmer Fixes Everything

by Shakespearicles

Season 1