//------------------------------// // 13. Thursday's Child is Full of Joy // Story: Equestria : 1940 // by Georg //------------------------------// Equestria : 1940 Thursday 20 June - Canterlot, Equestria “The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the LORD, make straight in the desert a highway for our God.” — Isaiah 40:3 Jon was getting used to abruptly waking up with an unexpected pony visitor in his bedroom. After all, he had endured Schadenfreude, survived Cadence, was learning to appreciate Nightshade, had developed a respectful relationship with Laminia, and… Well, there was Twilight Sparkle, he supposed. Very little could prepare a human for an early-morning foray into the world of Friendship Experimentation by the princess’ own student. That was not to say he was immune to early morning surprises. This morning, he was very surprised. By Princess Celestia herself. “Good morning, Doctor Walthers,” chirped the cheerful voice of the monarch of the pony principality as the inevitable force of nature and magic swept into his room, much like a glowing, happy hurricane. “You’ve been such a help to my student over the last few days that I’m going to send you with her this morning.” There was a cold breeze across the bed, and the thin blanket he had been under became remarkably absent, as well as the warm duvet, his pillow, and most of his modesty. The only thread of decency he could still cling to was his polka-dotted boxer shorts, although when Celestia’s magic surrounded him, Jon could not help putting up a struggle, for appearances at the least. “Hey!” he protested while being floated through the air in the direction of his closet. “Your Highness!” “No time,” said Celestia in the middle of a fog of clothes, brushes, and at least one wet washcloth stuck in his ear. “My student will be at the chariot in a few minutes at the latest, and you will be with her today while she makes new friends in Ponyville.” Jon wanted to ask where Ponyville was, but since he had a toothbrush in his mouth while a flurry of clothes were surrounding him and dressing every part of him at a record pace, he really did not want to distract his dress-er. After all, being shaved while a quick swipe of Brylcreem went through his hair and both boots were tying themselves onto his feet was a staggering display of magical dexterity. It was made only the more impressive by the way Celestia was looking over her shoulder out the window while working, and the faint touch of sunlight coming through his window indicating the rising dawn. “And it’s time,” she declared, slowing her magic and placing Jon on the ground as his shoulderbag nestled up to his side and topping him off with his brown fedora. One last swipe of a wet washcloth to clean away any shaving residue and Celestia turned a loving smile on him. “We’re all depending on you, Doctor Walthers. Keep Twilight safe and help her make friends.” There was a flash of light. * * ✹ * * “Good morning, Doctor Walthers. You know,” remarked Spike, “most ponies who get airsick throw up after the chariot is in the air.” A pithy response to the dragon was warranted. It was not going to show as long as Jon was being quietly sick off the side of the parked chariot with both pegasi in the traces giving him the silent treatment. Twilight Sparkle climbed on after her dragon and sat down right in the middle of the open area with an expression that could have had its own thundercloud stuffed full of lightning. The sympathetic ‘friendly’ response to her sulk would have been to express some compassion of his own and attempt to bring her back to some sort of equilibrium, which would have been a good idea if he had not still been spitting little bits of sour stomach contents over the chariot’s edge from his inevitable reaction to teleportation. “Fly,” she growled. “The faster we get to… What blighted corner of Equestria are we being exiled to, Spike? Oh, just take off! We’ll figure it out on the way.” Both pegasi leapt into the air, followed by the chariot and its contents, or at least most of the contents followed. Jon gripped the edge of the chariot bed and watched his fedora flutter to the ground behind them, until the chariot gained a little altitude and swung over the early-morning city. “You do realize that Princess Celestia sent a note for us.” Spike arranged himself and unrolled the scroll while Twilight hunched her back and sulked. While waiting for the dragon to start reading, Jon crawled forward so he could grab onto the front bar of the passenger compartment and pray intently for some seatbelts, or perhaps some rope. “My dear Twilight, there is more to a young pony's life than studying, so I'm sending you to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in this year's location: Ponyville. And, I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends!” Twilight moaned and continued to moan louder and complain while Spike bickered with her, but Jon took the opportunity to stand up straighter and get a better look at where the Royal Guards were taking them. After all, with a name like Ponyville, it could easily be a short flight to a borough of the city like Queens or the Bronx in New York. It was not. Over the last few days, Jon had almost forgotten that Canterlot was situated on the side of a mountain. He would never be able to forget that again. What was worse, the Royal Guards pulling the chariot seemed to enjoy taking a sharp dive over the edge of the city wall as fast as they could go. Twilight and Spike did not notice the precipitous plunge, having progressed to sniping at each other in the same way that any human siblings would recognize in a heartbeat. Other than prayer, Jon had no distraction from the sight of distant hard ground accelerating at him with both suicidal pegasi holding their course in what certainly would only leave a damp red spot in a few moments. Then they pulled up out of their dive, and Jon was flattened against the chariot floor with a solid thump. He had no intention of getting up afterward, since there were a few places to dig his fingers into the flooring, and from the speed of the air whistling past, it would only serve to make him throw up again. Besides, landing chest-first on the floor of the flying chariot gave him another reason to remain quiet until the dangerous contraption gently sat down in one of the green fields of Ponyville and the other two passengers got out. It just took a moment to double-check his suspicions, and any fear of heights or discomfort from throwing up went away like magic. At some point when Princess Celestia had been rapidly dressing him, she had slipped his shoulder holster under the tweed jacket, put the loaded .38 revolver in it, and stuffed a half-box of shells into his jacket pocket. * * ✹ * * The dragon and the unicorn were still squabbling as they strolled away from the chariot, leaving Jon to face several pony satchels and his smaller ‘traveling’ suitcase, which had been somehow been brought along. The town was visible just over a low rise, which Twilight and Spike were walking away from, most likely headed to the first visit on their checklist. “Can I get you gentlemen… I mean gentlecolts to drop our bags off at the hotel?” asked Jon. “I need to catch up.” “No problem,” said one of the guards in Nightshade’s distinctive vibrant contrello. “We’re supposed to stay out of the way unless you need us, so try not to rile up the natives while we catch some sleep.” She yawned, with bright white teeth looking identical to an ordinary pegasus due to the armor’s illusionary disguise. “Princess Celestia said the library has an apartment that the previous librarian used, so find us filed under ‘P’ for Pegasus.” The other guard just rolled his eyes and turned to trot away, giving Jon the opportunity to sprint after his student. Thankfully, arguing left Twilight moving slower than normal, and he managed to make good enough speed on the dirt path to be just within earshot when she said “—do my royal duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends.” “Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about,” tried Spike. “Come on, Twilight, just try!” Something pink and energetic bounded out of the bushes with a loud gasp, hovered in place in front of all three of them, then departed in the direction of the town so fast that it sucked up loose twigs and leaves in its wake. Jon was so startled he nearly tried to draw his revolver, but thought better of it almost immediately and tucked his jacket back in place instead. “Hi?” ventured Twilight Sparkle long after the speedy pink pony was gone. “Well, that was interesting, I suppose.” “No kidding.” Jon took a moment to look over Spike’s shoulder at the checklist. “Sweet Apple Acres. Sounds… rustic?” * * ✹ * * “Yeee-haw!” A golden-brown earth pony came galloping across the grass and planted both rear hooves into the trunk of a nearby apple tree, causing the apples in the upper branches to fall like rain. Quite unlike rain, or anything else that Sir Isaac Newton would approve of, the apples all managed to fall into several wicker baskets scattered around, except for a few apples which looked slightly darker or with brown spots on them. It was a stunning display of earth pony magic, which Jon wished he could capture on film if not for his camera being somewhere else. The young earth pony mare came trotting over to the wooden rail fence with a joyous smile and a wink for Jon. Twilight stepped forward with a ill-hidden sigh and a grumbled, “Let’s get this over with. Good afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle—” “Well, howdy-doo, Miss Twilight,” said the earth pony with a smile and a vigorous hoof-shake. “It’s a pleasure makin' your acquaintance. I'm Applejack. And who’s this handsome human?” “Jon Walthers,” said Jon, reaching out for a hoof-shake only to find his fingers nearly crushed in the farm pony’s wrist grip. “Instructor in friendship studies,” he managed to gasp out through the sensation of his bones grinding together. “Friendship studies? Well, ain’t that a hoot. We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like makin' new friends!” “Actually,” started off Twilight over the sound of Spike snickering, “I am in fact here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you're in charge of the food?” “We sure as sugar are! Would you care to sample some?” Jon’s churning stomach took that moment to remind him of the carriage ride, but Twilight did not seem to be very enthusiastic either, despite most probably missing breakfast as he had. “As long as it doesn't take too long…” Before Jon realized what was happening, the three of them were being herded to the back of the nearby farmhouse/barn and the clanging sound of a metal triangle echoed all around. And earth ponies came from everywhere, like a multicolored stampede. There were introductions, Jon was fairly sure of it, even though all he really could retain out of the torrent was the constant repetition of the word ‘apple’ in one form or another. And with the apple ponies came the apple food, to the point if he ate a single bite out of everything in front of him, they would need to roll him around town to keep whatever appointments Twilight Sparkle had left on her list. Or clean up a messy explosion. He managed to excuse himself partway through the food sampling on the excuse of ‘using the little cowpoke’s room,’ which was as he expected, an outhouse. An admittedly clean outhouse with a tight-fitting lid and a collection of Sears catalogs nearby to read while contemplating. Or he supposed from the pages torn out of them, to be put to an alternative use. “I should have stolen a roll of Celestia’s toilet paper,” he murmured while doing his business. “I swear, they sculpt the stuff out of clouds.” Once done, he sprinkled part of a scoop of lime in the hole, careful not to make a mess or inhale the dust, and put down the lid, but when he opened the outhouse door, Jon found a line had formed. A line of one specific farm pony, who was regarding him with a very serious look. “Doctor Walthers, was it?” asked Applejack. “Ah just wanted to caution you a bit on anything you and your city unicorn might get up to in this town, if you know what I mean.” “Um… Actually, no.” “Ah mean you ain’t going to be doin’ no hanky-panky in the streets where all the foals can see, right? Just because them mountain unicorns may be free to lift their tails—” “I have a professional relationship with Twilight Sparkle,” said Jon as fast as he could to derail the oncoming train of thought. “I’m here to help my student learn about friendship.” “Friendship, eh?” Applejack’s eyes looked him up and down, then both eyebrows shot up when she caught sight of his shoulder holster, which was still exposed since he had not put his tweed jacket back on after using the facilities. “Oh! Yer a Pinkerton man. Well, that’s a horse of a different color.” “What? I mean, no. I’m not with the Pinkerton agency,” said Jon, quickly grabbing his jacket from the outhouse door and putting it on. “Really.” “Ah know you can’t talk about it. Shoulda realized Princess Celestia wouldn’t have sent her student here without some security,” said Applejack with a sly smile. “Heck, one of my great-grandpappies worked with the Pinkertons in the West. Left me his Winchester and his hogleg, as a matter of fact. Mind if I see it?” Feeling a little like he had wandered into a Western movie lot, Jon drew his Smith and Wesson, ejected the handful of .38 cartridges, and passed it over to the eager farm pony. “It’s a mite smaller than Grandpa Applejack’s Colt .45,” she said, snapping the empty cylinder back up and sighting down the barrel. “He had the triggers on both of his guns wired back so he could work the lever on the Winchester or fan the hammer on the pistol faster than anybody else in his group. Never could get the accuracy of his rifle, but I can put five cartridges in his Colt and bounce tin cans out at the back field like nopony’s business.” “Um. Right,” said Jon as the revolver was passed back to him and he started refilling the cylinder. “Your great grandfather… Did he ever have to shoot anybody?” “A couple of card sharks and a rustler, but we ain’t got none of them varmints round here. Just the occasional hydra or monster out of the Everfree Forest, and your little peashooter should be able to scare them off.” Applejack winked at him. “Now you go on back to the family and get filled up with them vittles. Sounds like you and your ‘student’ got a lot to do today.” “So we can make it to the party,” added Jon, thinking about Nightmare Moon. * * ✹ * * Dragons had the metabolism of a blast furnace, even the small ones. Jon was fairly sure Spike had eaten more than him and Twilight Sparkle put together, but the little dragon jogged on down the road without a care while Twilight and Jon dragged along after him. “Ugh,” groaned Twilight. “I ate too much pie.” “There’s no such thing as too much of that pie,” said Jon. “That was worth my whole trip here.” Twilight groaned again. “And there’ll be more at the party tonight. The food’s all taken care of, so next on the list is the weather,” chirped Spike, who was looking up into the cloudy sky. “That’s odd. There’s supposed to be a pegasus named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds.” “Maybe she ate too much pie too,” grumbled Twilight. Jon had just opened his mouth to give a witty comeback when a pale blue section of the sky clobbered him in the side, sending himself and Twilight Sparkle arching across the path and into a deep mud puddle on the other side. It tasted horrible. The laughter he heard only made it worse. “Um, ‘scuse me? Sorry about that.” The laughter muffled as Jon spit out mud and staggered to the edge of the puddle, dragging a perturbed unicorn along with him. “I’ll make you sorry,” said Twilight very quietly as if she were afraid Celestia would overhear, then switching to a louder tone to add in her most literate criticism, “Ngh!!” Jon was still cleaning mud out of his eyes when he heard a fading, “Lemmie help you!” It struck him as odd that somepony would say that when leaving the scene of an accident, but when he managed to blink away the last of the dirt, the meaning of the pony’s words became obvious. That’s a huge cloud. The dark storm cloud hovering right overhead burst with exceptional enthusiasm, drenching Jon to the skin in moments, and doing much the same to Twilight, only without soaking her tweed suit. Admittedly, the mud washed off immediately. So did part of the road, several pieces of paper that Twilight had been holding onto, and any bit of Brylcreem he still had in his hair. “Oops, I guess I overdid it.” Twilight did not say anything, but Jon could see steam begin to filter up from her mane. The pegasus who was behind the collision and sudden deluge looked down on them from the depleted white cloud, much like a vibrant rainbow turned upside-down. Her pale blue coat must have blended into the sky to provide a sort of camouflage, although the wild splash of colors in her mane and tail should have provided Jon and Twilight enough warning to get out of the way unless she had been flying very fast. Jon was getting fairly used to pony names, and if this speedy pegasus was not Rainbow Dash, he would… do something really soggy. “How about this?” There was a blur of motion and a brisk breeze, which Jon expected to mean the pegasus was getting some distance from an explosive unicorn, but the breeze built to a stunning blast of air, swirling around him until he could barely keep on his feet. Twilight, having twice as many feet for stability, provided a bracing point until the wind storm faded away. Spike had managed to avoid the mud, rain, and wind by being a short distance away. He could not avoid snickering at the two of them and eventually fell on his back, laughing his tail off. The colorful pegasus promptly followed, laughing twice as hard at Twilight Sparkle’s tangled mess of mane. Somehow, it had snarled and messed together during the drying process, making a curly tower on top of her head, matched by a puffball of violet for her tail, while Jon’s much shorter hair only felt a little mussed when he ran his fingers through it to get some of the dried dirt out. Twilight managed to restrain her ire at her fluffy manestyle, most likely because she wanted to get the task on her checklist done before she had to find a place to hide an inconvenient pegasus corpse. “Let me guess,” she started with only the slightest snark in her voice. “You’re Rainbow Dash.” “The one and only.” Rainbow Dash preened momentarily as if she were posing for a fan, then her eyes got large. “Why, have you heard of me?” Her colorful eyes shifted to Jon and got larger. “Are you a talent scout?” “No, he’s my teacher,” said Twilight rapidly while clearly repressing an urge to let out an exasperated sigh. A curl of her newly ‘Rainblow Dried’ mane drooped down in front of her eyes and she blew a breath of air at it to make it go back where it belonged. With a quick scowl at her frazzled mane, Twilight Sparkle put on what might have been considered in bad light to be a smile and addressed the errant pegasus. “I heard you were supposed to be keeping the sky clear. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and the Princess sent me to check on the weather for the festival.” “Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof and began to stuff the remnants of the cloud together into a floating platform, which Jon found fascinating. “That'll be a snap. I'll do it in a jiffy. Just as soon as I'm done practicing.” “Practicing for what?” Jon had not expected those words at all. Over the last week, Twilight Sparkle had been the most insular, introspective, in-pointed unicorn, and this made twice in one day where she had expressed an interest in another pony who was not a research subject. “The Wonderbolts!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash with a thrust of one pale blue hoof at the sky. “They're gonna perform at the Celebration tomorrow, and I'm gonna show 'em my stuff!” “The Wonderbolts?” echoed Twilight. “They’re a team of military pegasi out of Cloudsdale,” said Jon. “They did a flyover for the Washington Senators one—” “I know who the Wonderbolts are!” said Twilight sharply. “They’re the most talented fliers in all of Equestria!” “Yep!” declared Rainbow Dash, who had nuzzled out a hollow in her cloud and was settling in for a nap, which seemed to be an odd form of ‘practicing’ for anything. “I’m gonna be one someday.” “Pfft! Please!” scoffed Twilight. “They’d never accept a pegasus who can’t even keep the sky clear for one measly day.” For all intents and purposes, Rainbow Dash reacted as if she had been jabbed in the rear by a hatpin. “Hey! I could clear this sky in ten seconds flat.” The way Twilight Sparkle had provoked the response she wanted was a work of art. Jon could not help but smile when his student leaned forward and said, “Prove it.” The pegasus took off so fast it seemed all the air in the vicinity went with her. It was impossible to track where she was, although it was fairly easy to see where she had been from the blue and rainbow trail amidst the exploding clouds. From one end of the town to another and back, zipping around with her own verbal commentary including ‘Wham’ and ‘Loop-the-loop’ with every maneuver until the sky was clear and she was zipping to a near instantaneous halt in front of all three of her audience. “What'd I say? Ten. Seconds. Flat. I'd never leave Ponyville hanging.” Jon finally managed to get his first blink completed since Rainbow Dash had zoomed away, looking at the way the young pony was not even breathing hard after that astonishing exhibition of pegasus magic. His astonishment must have been written over his face as much as Twilight’s, because Rainbow Dash gave out a short giggle as she flew away. “You should see the look on your faces. Ha! You're a laugh, Twilight Sparkle. I can't wait to hang out some more.” “Wow,” said Jon. “Yeah, she’s amazing,” added Spike, who then looked over and quietly lifted Twilight’s bottom jaw so her mouth was not hanging open. The unicorn student shook her head as if to clear it, and several more strands of her tangled mane dropped down over her eyes, making Twilight give out a frustrated growl. “Wait,” offered Spike. “It’s kinda pretty once you get used to it!” - - Ω - - The Ponyville Town Hall was next on the list, where all the ponies would gather at dawn tomorrow to see Princess Celestia raise the sun. During his studies, Jon had not read much about the actual celebration any more than making a few notes about how it ran all night until dawn. The upcoming party certainly appeared to be highly anticipated, with quite a few tables already being set up and streamers in the trees. Princess Celestia’s cutie mark was plastered all over the walls and stitched across no end of flags, making the whole area quite an impressive cultural display. Jon hoped his camera had somehow been thrown into the luggage so he could bring some pictures to his co-workers in Washington when this was all over and Nightmare Moon was— Oh, yeah. Focus. Spike and Twilight had strolled forward through the open door to the Town Hall’s wide interior, making Jon hustle to catch up after his woolgathering. He almost ran over Spike, who had stopped just inside the door with his eyes riveted on something ahead. “Beautiful.” “Yes, Spike.” Twilight looked up at the ribbons and streamers around the open area. “The décor is coming along nicely. This should be quick. I'll be at the library in no time. Beautiful indeed.” Jon wanted to ask about the ‘library’ comment, but Spike indignantly said, “Not the décor, her!” It said something that Jon took a long and respectful look at the pale young unicorn currently testing the colors of various ribbons against a pillar. She had a beautifully coiled violet mane which bounced even when she was standing relatively still, which was most probably a rare pose with the enthusiasm she was pouring into her present task of decorating. He took in the long, graceful muscles of her forelegs and how they merged smoothly into her knees, the balance and matched ratio of her fore and rear quarters, the smooth roundness of her flank contrasting with the stark geometrical pattern of her tripartite diamond cutie mark, her long shoulders set at a proper angle for unicorn proportions, the regular spiral of her short but still tasteful horn— Oh, God. I’ve been here too long. “How are my spines?” whispered Spike, pulling on Jon’s trouser leg. “Are they straight?” Thankfully, Twilight stepped forward before Jon could respond with something stupid. “Good afternoon—” “Just a moment, please,” said the young unicorn, passing yet another ribbon in front of the pillar before discarding it in favor of another which seemed identical to the first, except maybe a little more glittery. “I'm 'in the zone', as it were. Oh, yes! Sparkling always does the trick, does it not? Why, Rarity, you are a talent. Now, um, how can I help yo—” Rarity turned in the direction of Twilight Sparkle and her eyes widened with an astonished gasp. “Oh my stars, darling! Whatever happened to your coiffure?!” “My…” Twilight looked upwards at the pile of tangled mane above her, which looked as if it were about to cascade down Forehead Mountain and bury her head. “Oh, you mean my mane? Well, it's a long story. I'm just here to check on the decorations, and then I'll be out of your hair!” “Out of my hair?” Rainbow Dash was a slug compared to the speed at which Rarity fairly teleported to Twilight’s other side and began shoving her in the direction of the door like a linebacker after a loose football. “We simply must do something about your hair first! Come along.” Jon was feeling a little neglected, to be honest. Rarity had noticed him, from the brief flicker of attention he had garnered, as if a human were worth some attention, while a fellow unicorn in distress was worth far more. Despite Twilight’s protestations, she was going along with Rarity to whatever hair-related destination two unicorn mares could find, just like they were some sort of odd friends… Three in a row? * * ✹ * * It took a bit of hustling to catch up with his leader, who was inside a building which for all intents and purposes looked like a huge carousel… barn or whatever you would call a round building that held such a carnival ride. How that particular idea got wedged in his head while outside the building he had no idea. Once the front door was open and he got a good look at the interior, it was obvious. There were at least a dozen horse-shaped dressmaker forms scattered around the interior of the round building, each of which held a dress in the process of creation or destruction. By the looks of the white unicorn in charge, Twilight was going to wear each of them in turn, or else. Since Spike was engrossed in the ongoing rapid clothing change, that gave Jon enough time to slip away for a few minutes of critically needed alone time with the mud packed into his underwear. “Can I use your bathroom?” he called out, intentionally keeping his voice low. “Thanks!” There were a few universal rules shared between human and pony civilization, one of which was the location of their plumbing. It took only a few moments to locate the near-mandatory indoor bathroom that any clothing store would need, but it had a small, tidy sign indicating it was out of order. He traced his way back to the main room where Rarity was busy stuffing Twilight Sparkle into something that required a corset, and most likely a winch. “Now go on, my dear,” Rarity said as pleasantly as somepony could with their teeth clenched on a set of waist constrictors and pulling with all their might. “You were telling me where you're from?” “She’s from Canterlot,” said Jon in the hopes of allowing Twilight enough air in her corset to maintain consciousness. “Can I use your upstairs bathroom, Miss Rarity?” “Yes, of course. Oh, wait? Canterlot?” Jon could hear a crash behind him as he climbed the stairs. It sounded like he needed to hurry up and get that mud out of his waistband before it started to chafe, because their next visit on the checklist was not going to wait. “Canterlot?! Oh, I am so envious! The glamour, the sophistication! I have always dreamed of living there! I can't wait to hear all about it! We are gonna be the best of friends, you and I... Emeralds?! What was I thinking? Let me get you some rubies!” He tried to hurry up while he eased the bathroom door shut behind him, because from the sound of things downstairs, he did not have much time to wash up at all. Unfortunately, time had enough time for him. Jon peeled off his slightly dirty tweed jacket while standing one step inside the upstairs bathroom, but that was as far as he got. Admittedly, Applejack’s outhouse had been what he expected from the rural farmhouse, which let him to expect Rarity’s bathroom to be something in the Early Flush era, perhaps with an enamel washbasin and a simple gravity-fed tank over the toilet. Not quite. If anything, this room was more beautiful than anything he had seen so far in his journey, including the bathrooms in Celestia’s castle or even Fancy Pants’ magnificent estate. This is not a bathroom. This is a bath. Or a baaaaath if pronounced properly. The marble tiles underfoot were so artfully put together that the stone patterns were unbroken, meshing perfectly with the traceries of gold that wove around the walls. There was no medicine cabinet to be seen, only what might be mistaken for an entire pharmacy wrapping around a double sink, encompassing every possible beauty aid that a beautiful young mare might possibly need to capture a young stallion’s attention. And then there was the walk-in shower. Jon had seen waterfalls that most likely would not match the flow from five different golden showerheads, one for each point of the compass and one above. And after the bather had finished bathing, there were enough white towels hanging on racks around the vicinity to dry an Army brigade, each of the sinfully-soft towels embroidered in vibrant violet thread with a cursive ‘R’ on both sides. This palace of pleasure was certainly not what Jon was used to at his place of employment in Washington. He felt like an intruder in this sacred shrine to pony beauty, and would have been too embarrassed to rest his rump on the perfect white toilet and read the newspaper. Still, the mud under his clothes had been packed in by the quick pegasus-powered downpour, and would only chafe worse as the day went on, so… “Doctor Walthers!” Rarity scurried into the bathroom as he was contemplating the low sink with his dirty shirt in his hands. “Have you seen your companion? She seems to have stepped out while I was fetching some proper adornment for her couture.” “She probably— you know my name?” asked Jon, resisting the urge to cover up his bare chest. “Of course!” Jon’s clothes began to collect in a pile while Rarity’s hornglow untied his shoes. It was amazing how rapidly he had gotten used to being dressed and undressed by ponies, which was starting to worry him. “Twilight mentioned you in passing while we were discussing mare things just now. Had a few words about Rainbow Dash’s uncouth behavior, too. Now, I insist that you clean up before setting foot back outside. Go on, in you go,” she added, giving Jon a magical boost to the rump that moved him in the direction of the walk-in shower while his shoes untied underneath him. “I’ll have your clothes mended and clean by the time you get out, so you can catch up with your student on the way to Fluttershy’s.” Jon hesitated at the shower curtain, a little distracted by still wearing his pants. “Are you sure?” “Of course.” Rarity beamed. “It’s the least I can do for my new friends.” * * ✹ * * “Three in a row,” mused Jon as he strode down the dirt street on the way out of town as Rarity had directed him. His tweeds had never felt more comfortable, dry, and possibly even adjusted slightly while he had taken a hurried shower. Rarity had even cleaned his shoulder holster, leaving the revolver spotless with a thin film of gun oil, and placed a new snazzy fedora on top of his clean clothes. It baffled him at first, until he saw the small stack of Dashiell Hammett detective novels tucked in beside the toilet, with Sam Spade looking back at him from the covers. This can’t be a coincidence. I’m not that good of a friendship instructor. It made a nice afternoon to stroll along, nodding at the colorful ponies in town. There was a lot less stress in walking by himself, no worries about Twilight and her heavy mission, no sword of Damocles hanging over his head. Just the sun in the sky, a few more patchy clouds blowing in, the cool breeze caused by all the pegasus wings in town, and the bear. Wait. “Nice bear,” said Twilight, edging slightly to one side of the road, only to have the bear match her motions. “Good bear,” she added, moving the other way. The musical sounds of birdsong drifted down the path in front of them as Jon strolled up beside Spike. “So, a bear?” Jon closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing what the response was going to be. “Can’t fool you,” said Spike. “I thought it was a flamingo at first.” The bear gave out a low growl and shifted positions to block Twilight Sparkle’s progress again. The delay seemed to bother Twilight more than the actual fact that there was a bear in her way. “Twilight,” called out Jon. “If we can’t get around the bear to go talk to Fluttershy, we could always come back later.” The bear gave out a short chuffing sound and looked at Jon. Thankfully, it did not seem to be a hungry look, more like it… understood? No, that was ridiculous. It was a bear. Five hundred pounds of muscle and claws that could tear him limb from limb and he was just standing here, looking back at its expression of… curiosity? “Pardon, but we have an appointment with Fluttershy,” said Jon just as formally as if he were talking to a butler at the door of a large mansion. “I would have been here sooner, but I was talking to Rarity.” “Isn’t she wonderful?” gushed Spike. “Focus, Casanova.” Twilight Sparkle put on her ‘social’ face and addressed the bear. “Please move so we can go talk with Fluttershy. I promise it will only take a minute.” Wait. She said please? The bear gave the three of them a long, intimidating look and ambled off into the bushes, vanishing from sight in very rapid fashion and leaving Jon with the disturbing question of how many other bears that might be in the bushes too. It left him turning his head to look behind them as they walked, or at least until he heard a sweet voice up ahead. “Oh my. Um, stop please, everyone, umm. Excuse me, sir? I mean no offense, but your rhythm is just a teeny-tiny bit off. Now, follow me, please. A-one, a-two, a-one two three—” “Hello!” said Twilight abruptly. Jon managed to get turned around just in time to see the tail ends of a dozen or so birds scattering into the bushes, showing that the birds around this crazy town at least had normal reactions. There was a yellow pegasus left behind, who was staring in their direction with wide, panicked eyes and cringing back as if she were trying to hide behind her elegant sweeping pink mane. Jon felt as if he had just kicked a puppy. He held himself very still in order not to spook the flighty pegasus, who let out a frightened yelp even at his minor motion. “Hello?” asked Twilight Sparkle again, moving forward with a practiced smile. “Oh my, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten your birds. I'm just here to check up on the music and it's sounding beautiful.” At least that made the frightened pegasus focus those dangerous eyes on Twilight, which let Jon get a breath of air. She still did not say anything. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Oh, and this is my teacher, Jon Walthers. What’s your name?” asked Twilight, and to Jon’s surprise it sounded like she meant it. “Um…” breathed the pegasus, still crouched as if she were going to flee at any moment, although for some reason she did not have her wings angled for a rapid takeoff. “I’m Fluttershy.” “I'm sorry, what was that?” Twilight pivoted both ears directly forward and gave the cringing pegasus all of her attention, which was probably about an attention and a half too much. “Um… My name is Fluttershy.” Jon was fairly sure that’s what she said, even though he had to imagine most of the words while her lips barely moved. “Didn’t quite catch that,” said Twilight Sparkle, leaning a little further forward and proving in Jon’s mind that her middle name really was Oblivious. The pegasus cringed back even further and made a tiny squeaking noise, much like a rubber dog toy. Jon was only more entranced. The sight was almost too adorable for words, made even more by the way the frightened birds had begun to return, landing all around Fluttershy and making little sympathetic chirps of support. “Well…” Twilight looked around at the birds, who all seemed to be giving her suspicious glances. “It looks like your birds are back, so I guess everything's in order. Keep up the good work!” Fluttershy squeaked again. Jon marveled. She actually praised somebody. Actual comforting words. Did Celestia swap in a different unicorn on me? Four in a row is really strange. “Well, that was easy,” said Twilight, turning around and looking down at Spike, who was marking a check off the checklist. The motion did not just draw Jon’s attention, but also caught the eye of the last creature he expected. “A baby dragon!” Something yellow and fast caught Jon below the knees and knocked him into the bush that Spike had been hidden behind. While he picked his way out, Fluttershy was adoring her newest friend with an intensity that almost perfectly inverse-mirrored her previous behavior to Twilight Sparkle, although his student was catching the credit. “Oh, I've never seen a baby dragon before. He's sooo cute!” Puffing up slightly, Spike stuck his chest out and preened (figuratively) under the attention. “Well, well, well!” “Oh, my!” gasped Fluttershy. “He talks. I didn't know dragons could talk. That's just so incredibly wonderful I, I just don't even know what to say!” “Getting him to shut up is the problem,” muttered Twilight Sparkle as Jon boosted her up out of the bush and back onto the road, then crawled out behind her. Jon gave his student a quelling glance while standing up. He might as well have thrown ice cubes at the sun for all the good it did. “Well, in that case we better be going,” continued Twilight in a loud voice, giving her dragon a magical boost up into the air and dropping him onto her back. “Bye!” “Wait, wait!” called out Fluttershy, trotting right along behind them. “What's his name?” “I’m Spike!” declared Spike. “Hi, Spike. I’m Fluttershy. Wow, a talking dragon! What do dragons talk about?” Saying that many words in a row didn’t exhaust her. Wow. “What do you want to know?” asked Spike “Absolutely everything!” gushed Fluttershy. Jon felt a little left out, striding along behind them without anybody asking him to tell his life story. Twilight obviously felt much the same from the groan she let out while keeping up her punishing pace on their way back into town. - - Ω - - “...and that’s the story of my whole entire life!” exclaimed Spike. “Do you wanna hear about today?” Jon had been constantly distracted by Fluttershy’s fascinated expressions during the the story, which he had to admit was terribly interesting from his own perspective too. She nodded encouragement, which Spike really did not need, and added, “Oh, yes, please!” “Gyah!” Twilight’s grasp of the Equestrian language continued to baffle Jon, although at the moment, his mind was on other things. Tall things made of oak and covered with leaves and bark, which in the rest of the human world did not include things like balconies, doors, windows, and tidy little signs reading ‘Ponyville Golden Oak Library - Hours: Sunrise to Sunset’ out in front by the geraniums. This could only be the library she had mentioned before, because he could not possibly imagine a town this small with two libraries. And one way or another, he was getting a picture of this for when he went home, or nobody would believe him. Then again, if and when I go home, nobody is going to believe most of what I’ve gone through anyway. “I am so sorry, how did we get here so fast?” said Twilight Sparkle. “This is where I'm staying while in Ponyville and my poor baby dragon needs his sleep.” “No I don't—” declared Spike right before Twilight bounced him off her back with a thud and a startled “Whoa!” on his behalf. “Aww, wook at dat,” she added in her most sickly sweet voice. “He's so sweepy he can't even keep his widdle bawance!” Fluttershy, far from leaving as Twilight was so obviously trying to encourage, rushed forward and scooped up Spike from the ground. “Oh, you poor thing! You simply must get into bed—” “Yes, yes,” growled Twilight, shoving her dragon through the library doorway and following right behind. “We'll get right on that. Well, g'night!” She slammed the library door. Jon knocked on it. Twilight opened up the door and looked up. “It’s only afternoon,” Jon managed to say before Twilight’s magic dragged him inside the dark library and closed the door. “Rude much, Twilight?” sounded Spike’s voice from somewhere nearby. “Sorry, Spike. Oh, and Mister Walthers. I have to convince the Princess that Nightmare Moon is coming, and we're running out of time! I just need to be alone so I can study without a bunch of crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time. Now, where's the light?” “Careful!” cautioned Jon when he felt a clawed hand grope around his waist. “I’m not a lamp. Twilight, can we get some hornglow here?” “Found the switch!” declared Spike and turned on the lights.