Whatever the case, today, the Rarity came over to discuss 'fashion' ideas and mentioned drawing inspiration from the 'castle of the two sisters'... whatever that is.
I mean, don't get me wrong, this place NEEDS a castle. It's practically a backwater hobo town with the livestock running things... so there's GOT to be a castle somewhere.
And the huge thing hanging off the mountain in the distance doesn't count. I don't care how safe anyone says it is, that thing is just a stiff wind away from a mass grave at the foot of a mile-long fall and a VERY funny stop.
But yheah, not everyone can have a magic floaty mountain house made of stone. Someone had to have been sensible in the past and just wiped out everyone who remembered otherwise.
Come to think of it, the Master DID say that the royals she visited lived in a castle. Hmmm... wonder if they're the ones on the mountain... and if they are, they're doing a much better job of slaughtering the unwitting than I gave them credit for. I mean, COME ON! NO ONE sees ANYTHING wrong with a massive lump of stone hanging off the side of a mountain in a VERY hazardous fashion... and then encouraging the little servant peasants to live there so you can dispose of them with minimal effort when they anger you?
I might have to send them a fruit basket to thank them for cutting down on the local pest population.
Anyway!
So, The Rarity came over, borrowed Spike, and left the Master and I all alone.
I figured this would be the moment she'd throw me into a vice, start cackling madly, and demand payment for her stepping in the other day, so I was justifiably worried for my continued well being.
What I wasn't prepared for was being asked if there was anything I'd like to do.
I mean.... what the hells?
Sure! Let's go stab the traitor! Or how about we go sacrifice a few orphans to bolster your growing reserves of power? We could taint the water supply with fel magic, tempting the populace into a self-serving cycle of madness and suffering the likes of which only warlocks and their demons can truly appreciate. Or, you know, we could simply cut to the quick and go full bore: chasing a megalomaniacal quest for power that leads to the corrupting influence of the Legion taking hold of her soul.
Buuuuut, I'm pretty sure it was a test to see if I'd been reading the etiquette grimoire as she'd suggested a few days ago.
So, despite my desires to engage in a bit of incendiary frivolity, I suggested we have some tea and 'study time' in the basement.
She'd seemed pleased by that, and before long, we were both downstairs with a teakettle and cups between us.
Now, my experiences in the basement have been ... varied, let's say. On the one hand, it's been a place of indescribable pain. Acids and flames and sharp bits of glass becoming embedded in my flesh will tend to make for some unpleasant memories. But on the other hand, it's where the little Apocalypse-In-Waiting, Spike, and I forged our little truce. It's the place where the Master seems to have become most comfortable when trying out new spells or experimenting upon mysterious things.
It's also the place where the table we fixed resides.
The table, I remind, that I engraved with the spellform for FelFire bolts.
A table, we decided to have tea on, and read books on, and COMPLETELY IGNORE THE PULSING RUNES OF LEGION MAGIC.
I... was less than satisfied, but... then again... I hadn't asked for rampant destruction, so ... maybe the Master is just seeing how well I behave.
-~oOo~-
It's been two weeks since the Master got her minions in line.
Two weeks of surprise inspections, unscheduled trips, and a brief bit of discipline involving the Rarity coming into possession of an ancient tome which, apparently, granted her the ability to manifest her will upon reality on a whim.
HAH! I KNEW she was a crazy powerful mage. Not like the Master, of course, but still.... crazy powerful.
During her little power trip, the enchantress did everything from building the perfect puppet show (yheah.... not sure what kind of mental damage that caused), to turning the streets into literal gold and a few trees and buildings into precious gems. Aaaaand, just to clarify: I don't mean she turned them into gemstones, I mean she quite literally transmuted the existing structures into new material of a precious, crystalline, nature.
I know some gemcutters that would saw off their right leg for a chunk of crystal the size of a skull.... and the Rarity just started cackling and transforming parts of the town on a whim... talking about making things 'Fabulous!'
Oh, but the best part of her little rampage? The abosolute BEST part? That has to be our four 'new' residents.
It seems that while the Rarity was trying to make the Master's little hamlet more.... upscale... she actually managed to transform four of the residents at some miscreant's birthday party (a clown and three mariachi players, no less) into four entirely different horsebeasts. Oh... the madness THAT brought about.
Turns out, in addition to actually changing a heavy-set, mustachioed, guitarist into a svelte female cellist, each one of the four is actually now a duplicate of an existing resident....which has led to no small confusion. That, and the existing female Cellist is apparently in a monogamous relationship with a local entertainer... another female mind you... which makes the whole 'unexpected twin' thing even more funny.
Preeeeetty sure the Master hasn't noticed that particular bit yet, but she did come back a few hours after the incident complaining about having to clean up so much 'dark magic'... oh, THAT clever little offhanded comment had me rolling.
Cleaning up 'Dark Magic'? Coming from a warlock? Hah!
Oh, and it so happens that Spike ATE the spellbook.... simply ate the artifact. Yheah.... I'm once again reminded how insanely overpowered that little dragon is.
Anyway, the Rarity has been properly chastised, the Orange Sweatstink has left us alone. The Rainbow Traitor seems ill-at-ease but hasn't attacked again. The butter colored assassin has been hiding. And the Pinkie Pie? That one's been over multiple times just to say 'hi' or leave baked goods to apologize for the party being ended unexpectedly.
And then, the whole lot of them ran off to a foreign empire for some kind of culturally relevant ritualized gladiatorial combat.
I'd tell ya more about them but the Master, apparently, thought I might be naughty so she bound me in a little glass ball, told me to be good, and left me at the lair.
Let me tell you, running around like a little infernal gerbil in a heavily warded library-esque lair is pretty boring once you fall down a flight of stairs.
All in all, a fairly boring two weeks.
But then, this morning, the Master received a letter from the local royalty.
Apparently, the Master has been given a position of some authority in the empire!
I knew it. I frakking knew it! All this time, all this secrecy! She's been maintaining the guise of some hapless idiot, slowly building power and a legion of willing subjects all bent to her will, and now it's finally paying off!
I had just started packing the various torture implements (still can't figure out how a hollow handled butter spreader is used in torture, but eh... what the hell), when the Master smirked and explained that the 'silverware' could stay at 'home.'
I must have looked confused since she started laughing softly before calling for Spike to help me pack.
And in the manner of about twenty minutes, Spike, the Master, and I were all ready for the Master's first public steps towards tyrannical domination.
I actually wished I had a small fuzzy animal to clutch while I sniffled in pride.
I was so proud of her! So much power! So much deception! So much planning and misdirection. All those bizarre 'etiquette' sessions and 'tea parties' and 'friendship lessons'... all that nonsense — and it was finally paying dividends!
And those royal idiots had no clue what kind of nightmare they were unleashing.
...
Oh... you caught that bit about me clutching a fuzzy animal? Let me clarify: when I said 'clutch', I meant 'rend and light on fire.'
Don't look at me like that! I'm not going soft! I love the squeals of agony just as much as I always have! High score on crippled orphan multiplier, RIGHT HERE, BABY! Little snot nosed bastards never saw me coming.
But, all things considered, maybe there is a better way to play this off.
...
hmmmmm.... something to think about, maybe.
...
And besides, the Master ~is~ about to unleash hell.
-~oOo~-