-Fizzle, last day of the year-
Waking up with a snort, I looked to the body pillow in my hooves. It just wasn’t the same as having a living breathing body next to me in the morning.
Jade might not have complained much about me using her as a sleeping aid, she might have even enjoyed me snuggling her while she slept. I just couldn’t keep forcing her to follow my morning schedule.
I got out of bed and stretched out my back, then started towards the bathroom. I hoped to all that is good in the world that the tub wasn’t clogged with cat fur, I needed a warm bath to wake up in the morning.
Today was the last day of the year. A year full of crashing airships, danger, Jade’s insanity and my life of not trying to get my horn back. Jade was building up a collection of things that were probably related to fixing what I lost, but it wasn’t interfering in her everyday life as weird and absurd as it was.
I know for a fact that Jade’s trying, but she’s really not telling me if she’s close or not. I shouldn’t really get my hopes up, but I’ve seen Jade do some incredible things. She meets a lot of weird people who end up doing incredible things themselves.
To be fair, everyone we know has done something incredible and I seem to be the least incredible being here and I’ve survived a deadly basilisk attack. That’s something I guess.
I had asked Cheerilee and she’s confirmed it for me that only some of what Jade said about basilisk venom was an exaggeration. The explosion thing apparently doesn’t happen until after your body temperature drops to dangerous levels despite the environment, it was as if the spontaneously combusting thing wasn’t bad enough. Freezing to death at room temperature and becoming a literal lightning rod sounds horrifying.
I felt a splash of water and blinked, I was in the tub already? I just started scrubbing myself and tried to think of something else aside from giant snakes of imminent death.
My magic still tires me out, but I had larger magic stores because I bleed off so much magic every time I use it. Using my magic didn’t hurt so much anymore, but it still tired me out. I don’t think I’ve ever told Jade, or anyone else for that matter, just exactly how painful using magic with a broken horn is.
Jade would definitely be more worried about me if she knew… not that she didn’t worry about me enough already. The only one that suspected anything was Sekhet. You couldn’t hide anything from her, or any other god for that matter.
I sniffed the shampoo bottle to make sure it was the right stuff, I guess I was on autopilot this morning.
Before I knew it, I was done with bathing and was already working out my mane like an Earth or Pegasus Pony. I appreciated doing everything by hoof, other unicorns had it too easy. After taking care of my mane and looking at my scar in the mirror, I shrugged and set out to see what trouble Jade could cause today.
“Hey mom, where’s Jade and what kind of trouble is she getting into this time?” When I or anyone else says that Jade can’t do normal, well it was easy to time when Jade was going to do something strange. If nothing happens for an entire week, expect an airship to crash, wild monsters to attack or some crazy quest devised by Jade out of boredom to happen. “I didn’t get the chance to brush her hair this morning and I think she’s actively trying to duck out on that now.”
I wasn’t the most feminine mare in the world, but I did like doing something feminine to someone else.
“She’s outside chasing the Jackalope again, he’s actually starting to respond to being called Jackass now.” Sighing and shaking her head at that information, mom came over to me and gave me gentle hug and then pulled back to look at me with a warm smile. She kissed me on the forehead. “Now what do you want for breakfast my little filly, Jade’s already called blueberry waffles and honey for herself.”
“So nothing too weird on the ‘what will Jade try now’ front?” I ask this because Jade was weird about things she’d eat.
“No, she’s not having a cheese and jelly sandwich today. I swear, my kitten likes sweet things way too much and I really should curb that habit. At least my little chick doesn’t gobble down sweet foods like it’s going out of style.” She gave me an odd look and she smirked slightly. “Speaking of which, are you in the mood for a grilled peanut butter with sliced and fried pickles Fizzle?”
“Okay so maybe some of the things I eat are just as weird.” Peanut butter and fried pickles were a salty and sour sensation for my tongue, don’t give me that judging look mom.
“At least you admit it, Jade doesn’t even toast that sandwich and that would make it so much better.” I will never understand how your culinary abilities work Kuril, though with the taste sensations you make I can’t complain about your magical food skills. “Grilled peanut butter and banana on french toast then?”
“I want to try it with less cinnamon and a little more strawberry infused milk.” My choice made, mom nodded and set off to go make me a not so simple breakfast sandwich.
-Several minutes later-
Jade came down from cleaning the blueberry juice out of her facial fur. Apparently the Jackalope was learning new tricks, especially after Jade had caught him a few times since she started chasing him down for exercise. He was getting smart enough to plan his revenge pranks on Jade and blueberry juice was not the worst that has happened to Jade.
“Jack the antlered rabbit being a problem Jade?” I asked.
“No, he’s just getting smarter… smug antlered little monster that he is. Also when was the last time Jacky’s bad luck effected any of us nega…” In ran Blackcap being chased by an angry looking toucan pecking at her, don’t honestly know where that came from. Toucans aren’t even native to this region… like the ‘highland pukwudgies’ that attacked occasionally even when we don’t say those words. Jacky ran by me and I got knocked out of my seat with a face full of toucan which I clutched to and started wailing on as it started clawing at me with its feet. “Jacky where in the world did you find a toucan!”
“Don’t know Captain, but I stumbled into it literally and it really wants to peck my eyes out for getting my fruit back from it!” Well Blackcap, it’s quite nice to know I wasn’t crazy. I fought the bird down and managed to pin it. “It did not appreciate me shooting it in the butt with a rock.”
“Can someone help me with this crazy bird?” It struggled against my hooves and I continued to smack it a few times hoping that it’ll either calm down or I’d knock it out.
“Quetzalcoatl sent you didn’t he?” The bird immediately froze and looked at Jade, what did she know and why was the bird all of the sudden looking very sheepish. “Ugh, let him go Fizzle, he’s a messenger from Quetzalcoatl. Not a god like Rata, but he works for one at the very least. Do you have a message to deliver?”
I released the now calm bird and it nodded while saluting at Jade.
“Then take it to the post office, it’s outside to the right of the inn and painted blue. You can have the local messenger god who runs our post office write down the message.” With a pause Jade crossed her arms and tapped her left foot while staring the colorful beaked bird down. “It’s that or you can wait to talk to a friend of ours that visits fairly often to play with the animals in the area until she can get her own home. Her name is Fluttershy and she’s sweet like an angel. If the message is not an immediate concern, then you can relax and have some complimentary dried fruit at the post office to wait for either to occur.”
The toucan nodded and took off out the door.
“Thanks Captain, I thought that bird had it in for me.” Jacky, I think you were missing the more important thing here. Like how Jade knew it was a messenger from Quetzalcoatl.
“A toucan is playing messenger for Quetzalcoatl?” I was a bit confused, so I directed that towards Jade. I was expecting something more... reptilian.
“Yeah, Rata is a messenger god for his pantheon, but other pantheons outsource to regular animal at times. It’s why Toucans are rumored to have colorful rainbow beaks.” Jade shrugged and couldn’t obviously state that as a known fact, but she was knowledgeable enough to know why a Toucan was here of all places. “Guess Quetzalcoatl finally finished getting things mostly back in order.”
“Yeah, not questioning that any further.” Upon saying this I found a sandwich placed before me by mom and she started putting food in front of Jade and Jacky. “Got any crazy plans for today Jade?”
“No, not really.” That meant that we were likely to get a visitor if Jade had nothing, it’ll either be our combined luck at work or it’ll be Jade’s luck specifically. I don’t know how to read Jacky’s luck, but I’m sure something bad would come of it.
I was beginning to see a pattern with Jade, if she doesn’t do something insane or crazy at least once every two weeks, then we all end up getting dragged into an adventure with Jade.
“You know, I’ve always wondered…” Oh here we go, what is Jade going to do? I was thinking ancient temple to some god of some kind that most people don’t know about. I just took a bite of my sandwich and waited. “Why does pony education end at the age of sixteen for ponies?”
Wait… that didn’t sound insane or crazy. It actually sounded like a legitimate question from Jade. What was wrong with the world? Also when was Snickers coming back, I think Jade missed her more than she misses the occasional potato stew.
“It’s because ponies usually have their cutie marks by then and know exactly what kind of job they’d be good at. It doesn’t stop them from having a talent that’s just a hobby and getting a different job however.” Speaking up from a nearby table was Cheerilee who was looking quite cheerful this morning. “Of course finding a job suited to you, Jacky, Fizzle or even Arizona would be a bit harder. Maries is already a fully accredited lawyer and I’m quite proud of her… even if she still hasn’t finished her education yet. You know, this does bring me to the fact that I should maybe learn the educational values of other species. How long do Abyssinians learn for Kuril?”
“Eight to nine years of education, mostly because our people are lazy and not very aggressive unless pushed into it. Jade was top of her class at most things except history and of course her worst subject.” That being math mom, everyone knew Jade couldn’t do complicated math without the world collapsing. It’s scientifically proven from what Cheerilee tells us about her mild dyscalculia problem.
“Holy carp, the impossible is happening!” Sekhet wouldn’t say something like that if it wasn’t completely true, I stuffed the remainder of my sandwich into my mouth and rushed outside to see what was happening.
When I got outside, I saw a small airship perfectly balance on Sekhet’s head. She wasn’t being crushed by it at least.
“Uh… you’re not mad at me for landing an airship on your head again are you?” Hey it was that mare that went to Mare-Akech. What was her name again? Jade knew some things about her. I believe it was… Daring Do?
“You did it without hurting me. That... is a miracle. As much as it is the fact that you managed to land it in one piece, on my head and having it balanced like it currently is mortal.” Sekhet was right, Daring Do either had luck nearly as sporadic as Blackcap’s or haphazardly landing airships was a common thing for her. “Now can you please get it off of me without crushing me with it?”
“That’s asking a lot of her Sekhet, her ship isn’t named The Ardent Survivor and likely doesn’t have nearly as protective a name as that ship does.” Turning to Jade with a flat gaze, Sekhet sighed and reached up with her paws to lift the ship off her head and she placed it on the ground gently. “Huh, for once the ship didn’t…”
After the start of a long drawn out pause, I had to wonder what Jade was waiting for. The still inflated balloon was likely why Sekhet hadn't felt the weight of a small airship sitting on her skull.
“What no other airship? I feel gypped.” Oh come on Jade, that was a rather impressive display of an airship not hitting our favorite local goddess like a ten ton weight… where did that thought come from? How would I even know what a ten ton weight looked like? “So what brings you to Airship Mauled and landing on our favorite goddess Daring Do?”
“I heard things went well for you in Klugetown, also I’m here on business. You said you destroy magical artifacts right? Well I have a few onboard that need to be dealt with before the next full moon and I remembered you saying that you could do that.” Daring hopped down and walked up to Jade. “So what’s that going to cost?”
“Not much with our current going rate, but the magic of whatever I destroy has to go somewhere.” Jade looked over Daring Do for a bit, she looked perfectly fine from where I was sitting. “How did Mare-Akech turn out and what’s your next adventure?”
“It went well enough, but I got into a few scrapes here or there and picked up a metric ton of some really dark stuff that needs destroying. I got away from my most recent adventure with only two arrows to my helmet this time.” Rubbing her chest with a hoof she started looking proud of herself for that one fact. “As for my next adventure? I’m heading to a temple high on a tall mountain that is said to house the cultist monks of a dark goddess called Nightmare Moon, apparently one of my enemies has been scouting it out for something big for a while now. I want to find out why and I stopped here because I have some time to spare.”
Here comes Jade, in three, two…
“Can we go on that adventure mom, please!” Jade turned her big cute cat eyes on our mother in a heartbeat. “It’s been kind of lazy around here, even with that super thief elephant that came through here last week.”
Cue mom giving in to the absurd desire.
“We could use a dangerous family vacation.” Yep, called it, we’re going straight into danger again and mom was coming to chaperone. “After we destroy those artifacts, we'll be joining you tomorrow Miss Do.”