//------------------------------// // Chapter 53 // Story: To start over // by Midnight_Song95 //------------------------------// Sunset felt as if she would be sick as she stood there in front of the portal, watching as the surface shimmered and glowed as if it was a liquid besides a solid. She felt as if she was being crushed. Moving closer to Principal Celestia's side the pony turned teen took the woman's hand, trying to regain some form of composure. The first to come out of the portal was a familiar figure of Spike, followed by Twilight who promptly fell over which prompted everyone to rush over to help her, although Sunset stayed rooted where she was too nervous to really move from the spot because the portal began to glow again. Sunset would have thought it would have been hard to distinguish either of the Celestias from each other, however, as she saw her former mentor step out of the glowing statue she instantly could tell the difference between them because Princess Celestia seemed to still radiate power although her body no longer showed it. Why did she come? Just to rub it in my face that her best student is better than I am? Sunset couldn't help but think, although she knew it wasn't exactly true. She never did offer to help me before...Just give me those stupid hints and riddles that I had to figure out myself! I was just a filly! Sometimes I just needed someone there to talk to, someone who cared enough to see Sunset Shimmer the pony not Sunset Shimmer the girl with untapped potential. The amber-skinned girl felt her anger grow as she took in Princess Celestia's human appearance. Even the portal made her look like she was better than everyone else...Who in this town besides Filthy Rich's family can afford clothes made out of silk and Jewelry made of pure gold? I just wish she knew what a regular pony felt for once! To know what it's like to be so lonely that you would do anything just to have someone look your way! Suddenly the portal began to shimmer once again, confusing Sunset because after all who else was there to come? The elements of harmony? She guessed, though to her surprise it was a woman dressed in a black, shimmering dress that seemed to change colors as she moved. Is that princess Luna? What is she doing here? Panic began to set in then, forcing the air out of Sunset's lungs as her mind began to whirl with possibilities and the world went black. The first thin Sunset became aware of was someone yelling from another part of the room. The second thing, a hand gently running over her non-broken arm. “How are you feeling?” Her aunt's voice asked softly, causing her to glance up although she still felt a bit woozy. “Kinda dizzy. What happened?” the teenager answered, sitting up only to find that she was in the nurse's station although Redheart was nowhere to be seen. “where is everyone else?” “Princess Luna went with the others to try to figure out what to do about our Equestrian storm spirit problem and Chrysalis went back to her computers in the main office and I think Tempest went with her.” Vice-Principal Luna answered calmly before glancing up at the two Celestia's that were fighting by the door. “And those two....Well....They've been at it since you passed out.” This, of course, caused Sunset to turn her attention to her adoptive mother and former mentor in time to hear: “Don't play dense, Princess. Don't try to make me honestly believe that you don't know what I am talking about or why Sunset ran away in the first place.” The principal responded, earning a surprised look from her doppelganger. “I honestly don't. I mean I know I pushed Sunset hard in her studies and I maybe wasn't as patient as I should have been...” Princess Celestia began, however, this time the redhead cut her off. “You don't know? Don't you remember how you literally pushed me away a few times just because I tried to hug you in some area where somepony could see? You don't remember confining me to my quarters for days just because I played some silly prank on you?” Her voice shook with every word, both anger and hurt causing tears to rise into the former unicorn's eyes. “You were so nice at first...Helping me when I needed it, but that all changed. You got so distant so fast...and I was still so young....What did I do? What did I do to make you avoid me?” The whole room was silent as Sunset glared up at the princess. “I know I expected too much, that I messed up and I continue to mess up but I was just a kid! If I did something that made you feel like I was disrespectful or something I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything! But....back then....I saw something in you that I didn't have....family.” “Sunset, you had your aunt and uncle and surely....” Princess Celestia began, only to be cut off again by the distraught teenager. “Oh yeah, I totally had an aunt and uncle. They barely wrote me and when they did it was to remind me that I had to be good at magic or else I'd be a failure! They never wanted me! My aunt even said it to my face, twice! Why do you think I didn't go home for hearths-warming? I got tired of seeing Sunburst get showered with praise and affection when if I got anything like that, it was literally a 'good job'.” her eyes spilled over as she paused for a breath before continuing: “Do you know what I would have done just to have anypony to say they were proud of me? To have someone to run to when things got too hard? You were always saying that it was disrespectful how I acted toward you, Did you ever remove your head from so far up your own ass to notice that I looked up to you more than anypony else in Equestria? But the only person you cared about was Cadence.” Princess Celestia felt her stomach flinch as she realized just what had truly happened between her and Sunset all that time ago, her mind flashing back to one of the less pleasant memories she had of the filly. “Sunset I didn't realize...I just...” For once the sun princess was at a loss for words. “How did you not notice just how much you meant to the girl? She accidentally called you mom!” The Principal snapped, her voice and eyes harder than Sunset had ever heard them, even the night that she had been caught by Kibitz. “Do you know what having something like that get out would cause? Do you know how much stress it would put on her if I had let...” the princess didn't have time to defend herself before Principal Celestia snapped back once again cutting her off. “I know that you don't let love be dictated by what other people expect of you! Even if you end up badly hurt later because of it!” A heavy silence settled over the room after that, though Sunset couldn't keep those early months at Canterlot high out of her mind. “Tell everything Sunset. She hurt you...She deserves to face what she has done just like you had to face what you have done.”Sunset heard the demon's voice at the back of her mind prompting almost gently. “but Mom and Aunt Luna doesn't deserve to know about that...it would hurt them too badly.”Sunset thought back, earning a sigh from the winged beast. “Would you rather they find out now or in an outburst?” “You didn't have to be my mother if that's how you felt.” Sunset began, closing her eyes to keep more tears at bay “All I really wanted was you to treat me like family like you did Candace, although having a mom would have been a dream come true. I just wanted you to look at me the same way you did Candace, to play around and spend time with me just as Celestia, not the princess. I use to watch you two fly around the gardens and dream of the day I became an alicorn...because I thought then...I could finally win your approval. That you would finally l-love me.” “Tell the rest. You'll feel better to get it all out of your system.” Sunset ignored the demon as she buried her face into her arms, sobs shaking her body. “I can't.” “Of course you can.” Princess Celestia watched as her human counterpart moved to sit beside the teen on the bed, whispering something that only the girl could hear. I pushed Luna away the same way...I pushed her away because of my ego and then I pushed Sunset away because I was afraid what the Royals would think. I should have paid more attention to Sunset, I should have noticed that she was struggling with a lot of things and I failed her. I failed her just like I failed Luna. Swallowing back the emotions that she felt she opened her mouth to speak, although it took a minute for anything to come out. “Sunset I am so sorry.” Was all that the sun princess could manage, however, she found herself meaning those words about twenty times more as Sunset finally made eye contact with her, her expression so heartrending that Celestia had to look away. “The night I ran away...you had told me that you regretted accepting me as your student and that if I didn't stop acting like I did you were going to ship me back home. You always reminded me of how many times I messed up....but didn't you ever stop and think that I just wanted attention when I did those things? Hearing both you and my aunt tell me that I was a regret...it hurt. I didn't know why I was so unlikable. I couldn't keep friends, and the two people I wanted to be proud of me hated me. That's why I ran away.” Vice-Principal Luna had sat silently for the whole part of the mostly one-sided conversation, unsure of what to say during any of this, although if Sunset's grip on her hand had been any indication, the poor girl had been terrified to even speak those words. “And before you decide to bring up the crown...Sunset already took the beating for that. Those elements and the crown left their mark. My sister and I tended to her injuries ourselves and my Celestia had to deal with the night terrors.” she said in an even, low voice that held no emotion as she gauged the princess's reaction. “What? You were hurt? What happened?” I see she does care for Sunset, she just sucks at showing it. Perhaps in time this rift between them can heal, but perhaps not right now....it's still a raw spot for Sunset. Not many people would notice the difference in her tone of voice, it is slight...At least I know where Sunset got her talent at hiding her emotions from. She thought as Sunset responded to the princess's question. “I turned into a bat-winged raging demon and almost committed regicide. You want to put me on trial for that too?” “I didn't come here to judge you Sunset, I came here because....I was worried about you. I was terrified at the thought of what could have happened to you. I know I wasn't the best teacher in the world but I did—do care about you. I was just too stupid to show it.” Sunset wanted to believe those words but something about them felt hollow to her. Why is she just now saying this if that was true? She never said anything like that back then. “Yeah right! I came back after two years...I actually came back but the first thing I saw was you and Twilight Sparkle making some kind of game out of a training exercise. Did you tell her that you knew exactly what her cutie mark meant? Was that why you replaced me so easily? Because you knew that I wasn't an element bearer?” Getting up from the bed although both members of her new family protested, Sunset met the princess's hurt expression with a glare. “I'm sorry I don't quite believe that, Princess! Do you know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep every night for a week? To wish that you were dead because that would be better than what you were feeling? Because guess what princess, my first week in this world was pure hell! I was hungry, cold, had nowhere to go and all I could think about was that you hated me! Before I started at CHS I actually tried.” The implications of the words hung heavy in the air as Sunset rushed from the room, questions running through everyone's mind. “Oh my stars....I...” Princess Celestia's mask of calm crumbled as she sank into a chair that was nearby. “I never meant to hurt her, I was just so angry at her that night...I spoke without thinking and when I went to apologize I found that she was gone and the guards near the mirror unconscious.” she said, face buried in her hands. “Sunset may act like she's tough and impassive but that girl is basically controlled by her emotions. She overthinks things. I know she made mistakes, which I won't make excuses for but I can tell you, from what I saw even back when she first came here. She was just a scared kid....Looking to belong somewhere.” Luna responded, her voice void of all emotion as she stood up and glanced toward the two other women before walking out. Let's hope that girl doesn't try anything stupid....I might just put my foot up that Princess's ass if I hear any more of what went on in Sunset's head. She thought as she walked, trying to figure out where the best place to start looking for her niece would be. I hope my sister doesn't flip out on the princess too badly, but after Sombra caused her to miscarry all those years ago. I am afraid to know just how protective of Sunset that Celestia is going to be. “And you guys are sure that Sunset isn't this anon-a-whatever? I mean didn't she do something like this before?” Twilight Sparkle asked, earning a sigh from Applejack. “Yeah, but she didn't make it painfully obvious. Besides that, she was grounded when this whole thing started.” the farm girl responded, earning a confused look. “She has a family over here? How did that happen?” Twilight questioned, earning a sigh. “That...Is a long story that I think Sunset should tell you.” Rainbow Dash replied, glancing over Chrysalis's shoulder at the list of street addresses where IP addresses where located. “Whoa! Hang on! Is that the address where this Anon-a-miss is posting from?” she asked, earning a sigh from the dark-skinned woman. “yes. Why?” Chrysalis questioned, raising a brow at the athlete. “That's Scootaloo's address.”