//------------------------------// // 40: Three's little adventure. // Story: An Exercise In Management // by Nameless Narrator //------------------------------// It’s been a long time since I could say this, and I hope I won’t jinx it by saying it out loud: “Things are… stable,” I breathe out, curled up on the underground throne of the ruined castle, wrapped in some ancient tapestry depicting princess Luna. A quick look from side to side reveals that my poor choice of words haven’t cause the sky to fall down on me… yet. We’ve got enough love, and I’m not even counting lust anymore, because if there’s one thing my infiltrators seem to be good at getting, it’s that. Normally, I would even consider releasing some energy into the insatiable emptiness of the hive mind, but no. They are the enemy. I can’t appease them, especially if Eight killing one of the royal memories was real. I doubt it would be that easy, though. No, we’ll need all the strength we can get if we’re to escape or fight when someone eventually finds us, or to resist the ancient rulers. That also means that I need to deal with the crippling headache which has been assaulting me for three days now. It took me a while to realize what’s wrong, and I think I’ve got it. I haven’t slept at all. Every time I wanted to, something was going on, someone was doing something important, and I was simply too curious or worried to let them be on their own. Now, I believe, I need to let my mind rest as much as my body has been. I need real sleep. Alright, one final check-up. One. ”I quite like this ‘Ponyville’. A quiet, simple town with lots of friendly folk,” she says, and takes a sip of something brown and smelling of lemons in a cup. A chubby blue earthpony mare with pink mane tied into a bun turns away from her table and walks behind a counter of some very colourful… shop. One licks her lips, watching the mare’s expansive backside jiggle with each step. ”Submissive, mother, loves her husband to death, but isn’t exactly satisfied, King. I think I’ll go for a bit thicker pillow tonight. If they’re receptive enough, maybe I’ll have fun with both of them.” ”Sorry to bother you, One. Just checking up on everyone before I go to bed. The headache is killing me.” ”Want me to come over and kiss the boo boo better? Kiss, lick, bite, suck… and a lot more...” ”Right now I just need real sleep, I think.” ”Too bad,” she shrugs, ”but you’d better say yes soon, or I’m taking you whether you want it or not. In the beginning, of course. When I start applying my… charm there’s no way you won’t want more.” ”Heh, I’ll look forward to it, One. Goodnight.” ”Night, King of hearts.” I’m tempted to let her prove she’s as good as she keeps announcing, but for some reason I feel as if I should talk it over with Eight first. What will One do if she says no? What will I do if she says yes? What will we do if she says she wants to join? Ehm, nevermind. Four, what’s Four up to? ”Hello, boss,” her greeting echoes through my mind as soon as I tap into her. She’s getting really good under One’s supervision. Thankfully, without the constant seduction… yet. Currently, she’s sitting in a sandbox and helping several foals build some structure. Oh, great… There’s a sand house nearby, a rather well done sand castle, and what’s growing under Four’s hooves is a pile of sand full of holes. Well, I doubt the ponies will recognize a changeling hive anyway. Those who came into it never left. ”Heya, Four. How’s it going?” ”It’s alright. One’s in the Sugarcube Corner, Ten is trying to seduce some noblemare, and I’m playing here with foals. My cover story is that I’m a schoolteacher from Fillydelphia, and that I’m looking for a calmer place to stay. Oh, and tonight I’ll be bringing some love from the local teacher. She loves foals a bit too much, if you know what I mean, but genuinely. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt them, though, and when I met her yesterday after work she was a bit drunk and said I looked ‘barely legal but in the good way’.” ”So, no problems to report? No paladins sniffing around, no guards?” ”Nope! Great small town, really nice ponies. Reminds me of Wet Soil in a way, only bigger. I like it here.” ”Alright, have a nice day, Four. I’m going to bed.” ”Goodnight, boss.” Do I even want to check on Ten? Yes, just in case. “Are you saying that frilly flaps around the buttons is the latest Canterlot craze?” I hear a rather annoying, but very excited, high-pitched female voice. ”Definitely. Last time I saw lady Bronzeheart at the ball right before… you know what happened, she said the trend was just arriving from the Griffon Empire, and was here in Equestria to stay.” “Oh my, really?” a white unicorn mare with purple mane and tail styled into a curl looks absolutely smitten with Ten’s story, “I’ll have to design an experimental piece, and I’ve got JUST THE RIGHT IDEA!” pieces of fabric start flying all over the room, “Mind helping me model it? The basic design will be-” ”No problem, no problem at all,” Ten remains unheard over the mare’s excited technical fashion-related droning. ”Any problems, King?” ”Not on my end, no. Four told me you were going after your usual nobility targets.” ”Learning from the great One, and still incorrect. Tsk, tsk,” Ten’s eyes narrow as he watches the unicorn rush around, ”I must admit, nobility kind of lost its… flavour.” ”How come? Ten, are you sick?” ”In a way, King. You see… I was there with princess Celestia herself. I saw her beauty… I… touched her. Even when she saw I was a changeling, even after the invasion, she didn’t… hate me. All her caring eyes showed was that she wanted to help me. King, I saw the ultimate beauty, and I was found wanting. Other nobles, every mare I’ve ever been with, might as well be dust under princess Celestia’s hooves. Once this is over, once I’ve become a better changeling… I must seek her out again, no matter what happens to me. ” ”Ten...” Then it hits me. I understand him completely. For me, though, it wasn’t the beauty of some mare, but the wonder in Three’s eyes as he saw the sky outside the hive for the first time, Four’s first unsteady steps and her giggling whenever she loses balance and falls, Eight’s… ...just Eight. ”You’re a good changeling, Ten.” ”Not good enough, King,” he chuckles to himself, ”No, this mare isn’t just any conquest. Her name is Rarity, and she’s the element of Harmony, one of Equestria’s best… protectors, assassins… one of the greatest threats. For us, she could be the perfect bargaining chip. If you’re worried about food, King, I’ve got a meeting scheduled with the local Mayor. She’s a mature earthpony mare who looks like she’s all work and no fun, but when she lets herself go, she’ll do anything. Granted, right now all I’m getting from her are tons of lust, but she’s opening up to me.” ”Good luck, Ten, and don’t push yourself too hard. If this unicorn is as much of a threat as she’s supposed to be, there’s no reason to go for risky moves. We’re in alright shape right now.” ”Don’t worry, King. I don’t intend to do anything violent unless it’s the only remaining option. I’d have hard time explaining it to the princess eventually, after all.” Alright, so what’s Eight up to? Grasping the upper jaw of some maw looking as if it was made of wood, Eight pulls, and with crunching of dry branches and a hail of splinters, she rips the muzzle in half. The wolf-like creature she’s fighting turns into lifeless wood, crumbling on the forest floor. There are three more piles surrounding her, which she observes with a bloodthirsty grin. Dead timberwolves. ”Nine, you done?” The bigger, bulky changeling warrior punches another one. His chitin is scarred, and I can see green blood seeping through some smaller cracks. He doesn’t let his wounds slow him as he rams into the stunned timberwolf, his sheer weight making the creature spin in the air and land on its back. With a flicker of green fire, Nine’s carapace grows lighter and he jumps onto the timberwolf’s ‘belly’. Another green flash, and Nine’s suddenly heavy and hard hoof crushes its head. The changeling is gasping for breath, but a faint smile on his muzzle reveals the small touch of pride I can sense from him. ”Not bad for a pile of chitin. Hundred years from now, you might even do more than LOOK scary,” Eight’s harsh remark is lightened by her look clearly giving Nine praise. ”Doing what little I can to serve the hive, miss Eight,” Nine nods. ”Any problems, Eight?” Eight glances at the piles of wood, kicking a branch at random. ”Just making sure Nine is more than just eye candy. One’s got a huuuge head start on me with Four, but I’m gonna make this guy a force to be reckoned with. That, or he’ll die trying!” I know her well enough by now to know she wouldn’t just leave him if she needed a distraction to do something more important. On the other hole, that’s exactly what she wanted to do in Canterlot, and would have done if I didn’t tell her Four was in danger. No, she wouldn’t do it. If she wasn’t invested in this, she wouldn’t bother training Nine, and she’d just let him stand guard at the castle. ”How is he, other than big and scary looking?” ”Weak. Classic low-class warrior suited for overpowering civilians, but I doubt he’d hold his own against an experienced guard, not to mention special task force like the paladins. He’s learning the basics, though. In-combat transformations, localized armor strengthening, finding vulnerabilities in unusual enemies, how not to waste energy basically. He’s not exactly flexible and suited for my style of combat, but he’s strong like a minotaur if he needs to be, and his real talent seems to be in taking blows. I swear that he-” The piles of wood start glowing with eerie green shimmer. Suddenly hovering, they all float together and start reforming into a much larger wolf. ”We might have a problem,” Nine’s chitin toughens up again. ”The neighponies have the same expression for a problem and an opportunity. And this is your opportunity not to get eaten. Now chop chop, literally.” ”For the hive!” Nine charges the massive timberwolf. Eh, they’ll be okay. Three, what is Three doing? The drone is standing in front of the throne, staring at me, his forelegs quietly tapping the floor. “Hah?!” I sit up, opening my eyes. ”Sorry, boss. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” “What’s wrong?” ”Nothing… nothing...” “I’m listening.” ”Well… can I go outside?” “Sure. Should I call Eight to go with you or something?” ”No, no. I mean, miss Eight is nice and all, but I’d like to go to the Horsietown and see ponies for myself. I didn’t get to talk to anypony in Canterlot, and I’d like to see if ponies around here are as nice as they were in Wet Soil. Miss Three Hugger seemed friendly enough.” Well, I’ve got three changelings working in Ponyville now, and recently Eight had to go deeper into the forest to find any possible victim- threats. The problem is that I desperately need to sleep, and I won’t be able to hear Three and call for help if something happens. I trust everyone else. Do I not trust him to take care of himself? And here’s the truth. No, I don’t. The thing is, Four learned quickly, and Three’s been tagging along with Eight whenever possible. I would be scared outside, Three might not. He might do a lot better job than I would. “Alright, Three, just be careful. I won’t be able to hear you and call anyone. The forest should be clear from here to the edge, and if you need help in Ponyville, One, Four, and Ten are there. You can sense them up close, right?” ”Mhm,” he nods. “Then you’re free to go.” ”Thanks, boss!” he beams, nuzzles my hoof hanging from the throne, and gallops off. I should stay awake longer, keep watch inside his head just i case- NO, STOP! He. Can. Handle. It. I need to sleep. Breathe in, breathe out. Goodnight. *** Three, blue eyes bright as usual, trots out of the castle, No, not via the main gate, but rather through a small tunnel he found some time earlier which leads him to the surface so far away that the castle isn’t even visible. He stops, tilts his head, and looks around. “Uhh, which way to Horsietown?” Three pouts, taps his hooves, and thinks, “Ah hah! These should be working now, right?” His wings buzz experimentally. He hasn’t flown before, considering his wings regenerated recently, but changelings normally learned that quickly. Adding a bit more power to his… flapping, Three gradually lifts himself off the ground, smiling despite there being no one to see him. “I gotta show boss when he wakes up!” Now, the goal is to fly above the trees and see which way to the edge of the forest. He could try going by memory, but on their way to the castle Three was exhausted, hungry, and miss One was leading the way because it was dark, so he doesn’t remember that much. Attempting to fly forward, one of Three’s wings misses a beat, tossing the changeling through the air into the nearest tree where he bounces off of the trunk and drops like a rock. Unharmed from the fall thanks to his chitin, Three shakes his head, dizzy. “Alright, do I try again, or do I walk?” Chill runs down Three’s chitin, as he hears a deep, melodic voice: “Who is this strange creature that I see, sitting here and talking to a tree?” Three turns his head to its source, and jumps on all fours when he spots a grey pony with black stripes, and aqua eyes. It’s a mare wearing some yellow rings around her neck and fetlocks, as well as a brown bag on a belt hugging her waist. She’s also armed with a stick, but the curious look in her eyes doesn’t give Three the impression that she’s about to attack. She speaks funny, too. Bad guys don’t usually bother rhyming, right? Three used to want to be an infiltrator before realizing how much he enjoys being underground, and now is his chance to dust off everything he learned from miss Eight in Wet Soil. Recalling miss Eight’s description, Three arrives to the conclusion that this is the pony who lives in the forest, which means she might not know what happened in Canterlot, or at least how changelings look. That means that unless he changes in front of her, she won’t know he’s a changeling. Genius! He waves his forelegs. “Bzz bzz, I’m a fly.” Perfect! One corner of the mare’s mouth twitches. “You sure can walk the walk, but flies definitely cannot talk.” Plan B! Or continue plan A? Keep infiltrating, Three, keep infiltrating. “My name is Three,” he says, “which means I’m three times smarter than a fly and because of that I can talk,” he stretches out his foreleg in greeting. The mare blinks, carefully walking forward and shaking it. “What, if I may ask, are you doing here, Three? This forest is a place where many beasts roam free.” “I’m a bit lost. I want to go to Horsietown, but I got turned around and don’t know where the edge of the forest is. You said you lived here, do you know where to go?” Three giggles, “Hey, I’m all rhymey too now!” “Horsie- you mean Ponyville?” the mare stops, frowning, “Guiding you is… indeed within my… skill. Phew,” she wipes her forehead, “My name is Zecora, and I know all local fauna and flora. Come with me, and the forest’s end you’ll soon see.” Nodding, Three follows Zecora through the forest, trying to float again from time to time. The trees don’t make it easy. On the other hole, him being a step or two behind allows him to take a clearer look at the striped pony from all sides, and he comes to a strange conclusion. Zecora looks a little like miss Eight. Her barrel is thicker than miss One’s, taking into account their different sizes, but lean and with easily visible muscles, her backside is really big but strong too, and her legs toned as well, which shows in the fact that unlike Three she doesn’t stumble whenever she steps into an unexpected hole. Plus her smile is really nice. Boss likes miss Eight, maybe he’d like miss Zecora too. As the forest growth gets thinner, Three can’t help but ask: “Are you going to Hors- Ponyville too, miss Zecora?” She shakes her head. “What I want is a flower that grows near, a blue plant other shamans fear. Any contact with it is a threat, its advantages, though, are worth a bit of dread.” “Oooh, can I see?” Zecora shrugs, and changes her course. Soon, the two arrive at a clearing filled with blooming blue flowers with short stalk and wide petals. The plants in the center of the clearing look bigger and more… ripe than the ones further from it. “What now?” Three tries to pick the nearest flower, but stops when Zecora shakes her head. “Poison joke affects strangely those who enter, yet I need to get the grown flowers from the center. The ground isn’t dangerous as such, I just need to be careful what I touch.” Three’s eyes dart from Zecora to the bigger plants, then back. Wait, he can help! That way he’ll repay the nice mare for leading him here, AND she might want to see the boss as a friend later. “Hey, miss Zecora, I can fly there and pick the poison joke for you,” without waiting for an answer, Three’s wings buzz again, and he slowly floats towards the thicker central growth, “Are any of these okay?” Zecora nods, and Three begins plucking poison joke wherever he can reach, stacking the stalks into a hole in his foreleg. When he’s got a full bouquet in there, he carefully flies back to Zecora. Unfortunately, as he’s near the edge of the clearing, something tickles his nose, he sneezes, and his traitorous wings freeze up, dropping him into the blue field. He quickly scrambles back on all fours, and darts out. Phew, nothing emerged to bite him, which means he’s okay. Three lets out a sigh of relief, presenting the blue flowers to Zecora who with utmost care grabs the stalks and shoves the harvested poison joke inside her bag. “Are you okay, chan- little fly? Not suddenly feeling worse or strangely better?” Zecora pats his head, examining him from all angles, “I’m not gonna lie, unwanted contact with poison joke is no laughing matter.” Three pokes his chest. Chitin okay, not feeling weak, love level absolutely fine. “I’m alright, miss Zecora. This is the least I can do for you showing me the way out.” The mare pats Three’s head. “Then I must head off, as my house is in the forest deep, and these plants definitely well do not keep.” “Bye!” Three waves at Zecora who waves back and trots off, “Nice lady,” he adds to himself, resuming his walk through the gradually brighter forest. Eventually, he’s outside where morning sun greets him, and behind fields covering the flatland everywhere the eye can see lies Three’s target - Ponyville. In a burst of green fire, Three’s gone, his place taken by good old light blue, brown-maned little Glowstick. *** Glowstick draws little to no looks from ponies roaming Ponyville streets, while he himself is interested in everything. Some ponies find it flattering, some act indifferent, and a moment ago a vendor selling some kind of yellow flowers gave him one. It wasn’t of much use, but it looked pretty, and the friendly mare’s smile tasted delicious. “OMIGOSH!” an overly excited voice startles Three, followed by a pink mare with poofy mane appearing out of nowhere with some sort of a tube on wheels aimed at him, “YOUMUSTBENEWHERE-” Three hiccups, then again. His leg twitches, shapeshifting into a tentacle which spins the tube around as he raises it to cover his mouth, and then turns back into a pony leg immediately. *Boom!* Colourful pieces of paper blast the pink mare’s face taking breath for more excited yammering, somehow coming out of her ears. “Oops, sorry, miss,” Three looks at his forelegs with suspicion. Oh no, he’s just attacked an earthpony with everyone else watching. He can say sorry a lot more later. Now he’ll be under suspicion and then they’ll all look at him closely, examine him and they’ll find out he’s a changeling and then the paladins will come for him again and and and- Half-locked in his imagination, and half-watching in horror as the many-colored fragments floating in the air drop on the stunned sitting mare one by one. Three darts off as fast as he can. Unfortunately, Ponyville streets are nothing like Canterlot, full of dark alleys where a changeling can hide. These are wide open, every house has at least a small lawn in front of it- AH HAH! There’s an area with fence made of bushes sculpted like a wall. Three jumps over it, curls into a ball in the corner- *Hic!* -and the corner is suddenly decorated with a fresh bush only slightly taller than the wall. A moment later, Three’s horror from the unexpected transformation only grows as he feels something inside him where nothing has been before and by all rights should not be. The pink mare’s head slowly surfaces from the new bush’s thick growth, watching the street with narrow eyes. Where she got a khaki explorer's helmet in the meantime is beyond Three’s understanding. “Hmmm...” she frowns in suspicion, crawling out of the branches seemingly intent on getting her away. When she starts walking away, her hind leg twitches, then her ears flop, followed by some sort of horrible spasm likely inconsistent with life which by no means stops the mare, “Nose scratch, left hind leg twitch, ear flop… twice, fetlocks rotate, right buttcheek squish, and barrel roll while standing still. That either means a friendly changeling disguised as a hiccuping bush or I’ve overdone it with sugar-” she mutters. The branches on the incriminated bush slam against the mouth the bush definitely doesn’t have. The pink pony raises an eyebrow, hearing the sudden rustle. “-but changelings here in Ponyville, with what princess Cadance did to them? And everypony knows there are no friendly ones. Although… I heard princess Luna had some super secret dealings in Canterlot recently… hmmm...” With one final look around, the pink mare walks away, now with a definite lurking feel to her step. “I, and only I… am the hide and seek champion of this town… nopony will outhide me.” The bush breathes out in relief somehow- *Hic!* -and catches on green fire which harmlessly burns away as Three manages to stay in control of his definitely unwanted transformation this time. “Whoah,” unfortunately, Three’s been spotted, “A burning bush. Now there’s either a horrible pervy joke behind this, some material for an even worse fantasy book, or the latest Zecora’s stash is laced with something seriously illegal.” *Hic!* “Celestia’s sweltering balls, a shapeshifting, hiccuping bush. Zecora, if I wanted shrooms, I would have asked for them- wait wait wait, it’s the little bugsy from the castle,” real Three suddenly stares into the slightly unfocused eyes of the familiar medusa pony peeking over the real live fence. “Hello, it’s me, miss Three Hugger,” he waves at her, speaking quietly, “Umm, can you help me? I think the piece of my head that makes me change shape is mad at me.” Tree Hugger scratches him behind the ear, turning her head around to see if anypony can see her, then jumps over the hedge. “Wow, I remember you having holes in your legs, but blue spots? That’s new. Well, I can’t exactly recall too much, but...” “Spots? What spo- AAH!” Three raises his black foreleg suddenly covered with bright blue dots, “Is it chitin rot, lust overdose, LOVE overdose, too much time underground, I’ve been stung by a Badlands scorpion at some point, right? I’ve seen drones melt from that! Waaaaaaaah!” suddenly sobbing Three hugs the green, dreaded- no, dreadlocked mare. “Shh shh shh,” Tree Hugger pats his head comfortingly, “This looks like poison joke reaction. I got caught by those things once before on my way from Zecora’s and it made me sober for a week no matter what I did,” she shudders, “Horrible time. Did you by any chance walk through some blue flowers on the way here?” *Hic!* Tree Hugger is suddenly patting a quietly weeping cardboard box. “Oh geez, that’s a box, Tree Hugger. Last time you were this baked, you started a bonfire in the middle of Ponyville and burned some branches from Twilight’s library,” yells a blue pegasus floating past lazily on a cloud above. “Yeah yeah, miss twenty percent more coke,” Tree Hugger mutters to herself, “All-natural performance my ass,” out loud she just calls out, “You’re so funny, Rainbow Dash,” and adds, once again only to herself, “And I remember you getting dragged into the slammer for the night after slobbering all over Roseluck that evening.” She waits until the pegasus is long way away, all while rubbing the box with her hoof. “You still there, Three? I’m not really talking to a box, am I?” “It’s still me, miss Hugger.” *Hic!* “Oof! Good to know the green fire doesn’t actually burn,” surprised Tree Hugger pulls her hoof away from once again real Three, “Kinda tickles, actually. Anyway, if it’s really a poison joke reaction then you need to go to the hospital. They know how to treat it… for ponies.” “But they’ll see me like this!” Tree Hugger frowns. “Can’t you change back into a colt?” “I can, but it can change me at any p-” *Hic!* Aaand Tree Hugger is now talking to a potted plant. “Well, at least you’re easy to carry,” she puts potted Three on her back, “Try not to change into something really heavy next, I’m the… herbalist kind of earthpony, not the hauling kind.” “I’ll do my- hnnngh!” the plant focuses, and nothing happens, “uh oh… I can’t change back.” “Then the sooner we treat this the better. Off we go,” Tree Hugger trots off with urgency rarely associated with the chill pony. Ponyville hospital isn’t far. Actually, considering the size of the town nothing is usually too far from anywhere. Anyway, some twenty minutes later, plus transformations into a chair, a cactus, and a fetching black saddlebag that would make Rarity’s eyes water with jealousy, Three’s sitting on a metal table with Tree Hugger watching while a new, still sleepy, white pony with pink mane and a red cross cutie mark is examining him carefully. “Tree Hugger, you called me before my morning coffee for this?” the white mare gives Tree Hugger an exhausted, venomous stare. Unfortunately, Three’s current form is that of a larger brick. Granted, it’s covered with blue spots, but still a brick. “It’s a cha- pony, Reddy. He only looks like this because of poison joke. Can you fix him?” ‘Reddy’ sighs. “Look, if this is some sort of prank like with Pinkie Pie’s special cookies, this time I’m gonna report you-” she stops, green hoof in her mouth. “Shhh...” Tree Hugger leans closer, “You know how to treat poison joke sickness, you’ve done it to me before. If it’s really just a brick, I swear I’ll lay off all… fun substances for a month, plus no talking about chakras.” “Alright, alright,” Reddy shakes her head, “I’ll go get the cure while you prep the bath,” she sniffs the air, “Maybe for yourself too.” “My natural scent is the expression of my free spirit. I’ll take a dip in the lake later or something.” “Your ‘free spirit’ is sending my patients to sleep. You’re getting a bath too!” “NNNNEEEEEIGH!” Tree Hugger whinnies in protest. “Get over here!” Reddy advances at her. “You’re in this one on your own, little buddy!” Tree Hugger calls out to the brick in question, darting out of the emergency room. “You little- uh, nevermind,” Reddy rolls her eyes, and taps the patient, “If you’re a real brick, I swear the hippocratic oath won’t stop me from breaking something.” *Hic!* Just as Three thought things couldn’t get any worse, his next hiccup turns him back into a changeling, now more blue than black. “I’m not, miss Reddy,” he mumbles, head hung low. “This… this is because of- of the p-p-poison joke too, r-right?” the mare backs slowly away. Infiltrate, Three, infiltrate! “...bzz ...bzz ...Imma fly...” he says weakly. So many transformations in such a short time, plus the fatigue from the illness finally catching up to him. “Oh dear, I’m nurse Redheart, and-” the earthpony’s professional attitude shines through her fear, and she pats Three. After putting a glove on, of course. Three nuzzles it, hiccups, and Redheart pulls her foreleg out of a fresh pile of jungle vines, “-and I should really go get the cure immediately. Stay here on the table, and don’t move! That way I’ll recognize you no matter what you turn into when I get back. We don’t have a batch of the remedy in storage, but princess Celestia’s protege Twilight Sparkle knows how to make it.” The nurse rushes out of the room. Three closes his eyes which the vines don’t have but still somehow allow him to see. The door opens again, letting in three fillies wearing oversized white coats. The pile of vines hiccups, transforming into Glowstick. “Hey, girls! It’s a real colt and he’s actually sick. Let’s have a look at him,” the leading doctor, a red-maned yellow filly, hobbles towards Three as the other two pull up a chair so that she can get onto the table. “Cutie Mark Crusaders diagnostics team!” the three yell in unison, their happy voices dominated by a high-pitched one belonging to a white unicorn doctor with white and violet mane. The third one, an orange pegasus doctor with purple mane carrying a walking stick for some reason circles around Three, rubs her chin, thinks for a while, then triumphantly jumps off of the table, the other two following. “It’s lupus!” she announces. The other two gasp before huddling together for a hushed conversation. Three hiccups, and disappears completely. “...gotta go, gotta go, gotta go...” he whispers to himself, trying to focus. The three doctors are so engrossed in their exchange that they don’t notice the door opening on its own and their disappeared patient. “...gotta find miss One. This has all gone so wrong...” invisible Three plods through Ponyville, following the faint trail of a mind link. The only two positives of the situation are him being completely see-through, and the fresh air slowly clearing his head. Being around Tree Hugger and then at the weirdly smelling hospital definitely played a part in his dizziness, “The princess might be nice to ponies, but even her prosthesis probably won’t like changelings now.” After several minutes of walking, Three freezes, hoping against all hope that he doesn’t hiccup again soon. The pink mare he accidentally stunned earlier is passing by, now wearing a tall khaki hat, glasses, and a pipe. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to be smoking anything. Three’s had enough of strange scents for one day. The mare twitches again. “Ear pop, mane standing on end, tail spinning, spine chill, left hind leg kicking towards northwest on its own...” she thinks for a moment, then narrows her eyes, “An invisible newcomer to Ponyville I have yet to throw a party for about a yard to my right and scared to his horseshoes!” with a bright smile, she jumps straight at Three, her forelegs clamping around his neck, “Gotcha!” *Hic!* Glowstick finds herself in the pink mare’s crushing embrace which lets up as soon as his invisibility ends. It was nice being able to do the trick miss One uses a lot, even if on accident. “Hello,” Three looks at the ground, “I’m really sorry for hurting you when you startled me before. I swear it was an accident-” he realizes he’s licking a pink hoof all of a sudden. “You just stunned me a bit, little guy. I haven’t seen you around here before. What’s your name?” “Glowstck, I’m new here.” “Well, Glowstick, it’s my job and absolute pleasure to welcome you to Ponyville, and as for everypony else, I want to throw you a party.” “What, really?” Three raises an eyebrow, then beams brightly, “You mean you’re not mad at me?” “Of course not, silly!” she pokes his nose, “Now, since we’ve had this misunderstanding and I scared you before, I think we need to combine the ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party with ‘I am super sorry for startling you’ part and have the biggest party of this week! EVERYPONY will be there.” Uhh, all ponies around a changeling who can’t control his shapeshifting? Infiltrate, Three, infiltrate. “Bzz, bzz- wait, not this time,” he shakes his head, “I’m not sure a big party like that would be the best idea, miss-” “Pinkie Pie.” “-Pinkie. I… I’d really like to get to know everyon- everypony, but a party would be a bit too overwhelming and-” Three stops as Pinkie’s normally poofy mane slowly goes flat like a deflated balloon, “-or… maybe just a small one with only few ponies?” “DEAL!” she immediately hugs him again, “I gotta go get everything ready. See you at the Sugarcube Corner at eight,” she gallops away, “Your mom and dad are invited too, of cooooourse!” “Where’s… nevermind,” Three stops, seeing that he’s talking to no one. Now he can finally find miss One and go home. She’ll know what to do with the poison joke thingy, and- wait, he can’t! He made a promise to a pony, and now he has to keep it, otherwise he would sab- sabot- sa-bo-ta-ge any future attempts at talking. Three pushes out his chest welling with newfound determination. For the alliance between Ponyville ponies and the boss! *Hic!* A new plain rock with a signpost sticking from it is suddenly standing in the middle of the street. Or maybe a bit of rest would do him good too. The signpost closes the eyes it doesn’t have, and yawns. *** When Three wakes up in his inanimate form, he’s standing by the side of the road, not far from where he fell asleep. On reflex, he changes back into Glowstick, then realizes what he’s just done. “Eeee! I’m okay,” he notices more blue spots in his coat, “Uhh… or maybe not. Oh no… it’s dark already,” he starts trotting towards where the buildings seem more numerous to find any pony. After asking some hurried questions, Three gets directions to a building looking like an oversized cupcake crossed with an ice cream cone. The lights are on inside, and there are multiple ponies visible through the windows. One quick knock later, Three’s ushered inside by a big blue earthpony mare with pink mane greeting him. “Hey there, little one. You’re the guest Pinkie’s been talking about. What’s your name? I’m Cup Cake.” “Glowstick, miss,” Three looks around at the bright decorations, generally various pieces of colorful paper glued or tied to the walls or the ceiling. Sadly, far too few in dark green and black. Those would really make him feel at home here. “Are your parents coming? We’ve got enough place and sweets for everypony,” Cup Cake presents an actual cupcake to Three who sniffs it, then nuzzles the mare’s foreleg. To his surprise, she grabs him, and puts him on her back. She smells sweet, even her back is padded and warm, so Three just lies down on her and watches her walk around the shop, add some final finishing touches to the decorations, and pull out more cupcakes from some hot metal boxes. “I don’t know. I kinda fell asleep after I met miss Pinkie and when I woke up it was dark already so I rushed here,” Three shifts on Cup Cake’s back, “You’re so soft...” “Awww… don’t worry, Pinkie’s parties are famous, even small ones like this. Somepony is bound to tell them there’s one tonight. If not, I’ll walk you home afterwards if you want. Where are you from?” An egg? No. Changeling hive? Definitely not. East…? Yeah, I went west from the castle. Nonono, the forest is supposedly scary and I can’t tell them we live in the old castle. HAH! Got it. “Canterlot, miss. We’ve recently moved here.” “Oooh, fancy. I can understand you, though. Even the princess’ personal student lives here these days. Aside from the tourists, Ponyville is a great place to relax compared to the bustle of big city. Do you like it here?” “Definitely! You ponies are really nice compared to some I’ve met before.” “Bad experience with city folk?” “Mhm, they broke into our- the house we lived in… and...” Three frowns. “Bad memories, I understand. Well, Ponyville is a simple town. If you’re nice to ponies, they will be nice to you-” The doorbell jingles. “-well, you’ll learn for yourself soon. It’s eight, and the first guests must be here,” Three rides Cup Cake out of the kitchen, and spots several ponies already sitting around the tables in the main room. They look at Three who gives them a careful wave. The bell above the door clinks again, this time letting in- Three’s mental links flare up. -One and Four. Three perks up, jumping down from Cup Cake and rushing to miss One currently wearing a completely new transformation. ”Miss One, princess’ prostate is looking for me, because I’m all spotty, but that’s okay. Will you be my mommy tonight?” One completely freezes, her mind resetting to factory settings. Three could swear he’s just heard some sort of cheerful jingle come from inside her. ”I’ve never done it with a drone yet, but it might be good practice,” she answers on reflex, ”Sure I can be your mommy for tonight, honey,” One leans down, nuzzling Three’s neck. “Oh, you’re Glowstick’s mother, miss-?” Cup Cake walks over. “Honeypot,” One gives the chubby mare a quick bow before pointing to Four, “And this is Mix, his sister.” “Oooh, both unicorn and an earthpony foals, you and your husband must be lucky. If we knew there were two of you we definitely would have planned a bigger party, but Glowstick wanted something a little less over the top like Pinkie does most times.” “Oh?” One looks at Three, “You wanted a party, did you?” ”The pink pony ambushed me and wanted to throw me a huge one in the center of Ponyville. I talked her out of it, totally infiltrating this place.” “I tried to tell you, but-” *Hic!* Three shapeshifts into a stone pillar complete with a bird bath, much to the shock of everyone around. ”What the hole? Four, get ready to grab Three. I’ll start blasting brains in a minute.” “Wait wait wait,” the talking stone ornament eases One’s combat pose a little, “I was at the hospital where miss Redheart told me I had something connected with poison joke, a blue flower growing on the edge of the forest. I helped some stripey grey pony lady pick it up, but I fell into them. I transform whenever I hiccup now.” “Poison joke?!” Cup Cake gasps, “That’s terrible!” she hugs transformed Three, “Poor guy.” The love transfer makes Four furrow her brows, and One relax further. ”You know, miss One. Maybe there is something to Three’s approach.” ”Four, the point is that it’s not ‘an approach’, he is genuinely like that, and it will hurt him eventually. Sometimes you can afford to be like that, but don’t forget that you always need to be in control of the situation, and have a plan B ready in case everything goes crotchtits up, which it will. Don’t forget this, Four. EVER.” The doorbell rings again, and a black pegasus stallion in his twenties build like an athlete arrives, accompanying a smaller white pegasus with dark blue mane. “Hello, Thunderlane, Rumble!” Cup Cake smiles at the duo, “Come in, come in! Our guest of honor is the pillar right now. Poison joke accident.” “Geez, did anypony contact Twilight?” asks Thunderlane, “I can fly to the library and-” “Oh don’t worry,” One approaches the pegasus with the grin of a hungry predator, “We’ve already set things up. Why doesn’t your-” her eyes flash green, “little brother join the others, and we get to know each other. I like to keep in shape, and by the looks of it so do you. If you tell me about some good spots in Ponyville,” she leans to his ear and whispers, “I’ll tell you about mine.” Thunderlane’s wings twitch, and he accompanies One to a corner table. Four walks behind the shop counter, and pokes Cup Cake. “Ah, Mix, was it? Is there a problem? Other than your brother temporarily being a garden decoration?” “Nothing, miss Cake. I’m just a bit too old for all this, and I don’t feel like going home yet. Would you mind if I watched you bake? Over the past few days I’ve never seen a pony leave your shop without a smile, and… I’d like to catch at least a little bit of that talent.” “Ah hahahahah!” Cup Cake giggles, “Of course, my dear. I’m about to bake a fresh batch anyway.” *Hic!* The two turn their heads to a fresh open parasol stuck in the floor near the entrance. ”Are you really okay, Three?” Four sends a soft mental impulse towards the poor drone. ”Everypony is happy, it’s not too noisy in here, and the colts talking about some place called school where they gather every day to hear stories about the big world. I’d like to go there sometime. It’s nice.” Yep, he’s okay. *** Two hours later, the party is slowly winding down. After all, it doesn’t do for younglings to stay up late. Sugarcube Corner door slams open, letting in a purple unicorn mare with two-tone mane, dark blue with a dim purple streak. “WHERE IS HE?!” Twilight looks around, grinding her teeth and gasping for breath until she notices a curiously empty armchair covered in blue spots in the middle of the room. “Oh dear.” For the first time, One stops giving all her attention to Thunderlane, and a murderous scowl appears on her face. How easy it would be to have revenge here and now… Pointless, too. *Hic!* The afflicted armchair transforms back into Three. Real Three. Everyone gasps, One jump up, spilling her drink into Thunderlane’s lap. “Don’t panic!” to One’s surprise, it’s Twilight who silences the rumbling and shocked whispers, “It’s just poison joke. I’ve got the remedy right here,” she levitates up a vial to show everyone, “Miss Cake, got a tub or- huh?” the corner of Twilight’s mouth curls up as Three jumps into the nearest cider barrel, and hides his head inside. Alcohol-free cider, of course, not that he would notice, “Don’t be scared, little guy. The medicine is just a bubble bath,” she nods to Cup Cake, “Warm water, please.” Twilight can’t stop her smile from freezing a little as she lowers her foreleg into the barrel with a changeling inside it. The only thing stopping her from blowing things up is that this is all just a poison joke effect, nothing more. No ploy to take over Ponyville, destroy her friends, and restore Chrysalis to power. Just a colt who fell into a field of innocently looking blue flowers. Twilight shudders, feeling the chitin against her hoof. To her credit, she doesn’t withdraw her foreleg even after she feels Glowstick shift inside the barrel, and notices him looking at her with the bright, blue, soulless eyes. Actually, maybe not that soulless, come to think of it. “Here’s the water, Twilight,” Cup Cake is there with the bucket that Twilight telekinetically grabs. “Glowstick, I’m going to pour the water inside, and then add what I have in this vial. It’ll be bubbly, so keep your eyes closed, but it works fast.” “Yes, miss Twilight,” Three nods, clamping his hooves over his eyes, and immediately sputtering as he breathes some of the poured water, “Blh… I’m soup.” “Heheh,” Twilight giggles, uncorking the vial and emptying its contents inside. Thanks to Three’s messing around, the water becomes bubbly quickly, and all that soon remains is a black changeling, completely spotless, raising and lowering his foreleg, and beaming as he watches water flow from the holes. “Hee hee hee,” he looks up... ...at the frozen glares of everypony. Uhh, what did I do? Oh… infiltrate, Three, infiltrate… “Bzz bzz- no, bad idea,” Three mutters. Ah hah! *Hic!* And in a final burst of green flames, wet Glowstick is sitting inside the bubble bath barrel, watching the thawing expressions and slowly warming smiles aimed at him. “Ahhh… this feels nice.” ”Four, take Three home afterwards. I’ve found the perfect target for tonight.” ”Yes, miss One.” One looks at Thunderlane’s wet, sticky, and most importantly stacked crotch. As the pegasus catches her lidded stare, she licks her lips. “My bad with the table. Luckily for you, I know just the right way to clean you up.”