“This… is… INCREDIBLE!” Rainbow Dash zipped around the interior of the TARDIS, her mind blown right out of her head with the trick that the Doctor had been able to pull with it. She had never seen anything like it before in, well, ever, so needless to say, she couldn’t help herself to look around. “How in Celestia’s name do you fit all this in, Doc?”
“Transdimensional engineering,” the Doctor replied curtly, looking a bit put out that Rainbow hadn’t done the whole step in, then step back out of the TARDIS and walk around it in shock bit like a few other companions had done before her. He’d been expecting it, really. It was generally the highlight of the first journey with one of them.
“In more Rainbow Dash terms, egghead stuff,” Twilight said with a small smirk at Rainbow’s expression of annoyance. She punched the air in victory, finally got one on over her! “The Doctor was able to find a way to create a cloaking field around his ship that disguises it as a regular old phone box. I must say, it’s pretty impressive.”
“Yeah… It’s not supposed to look like a phone booth,” the Doctor admitted, with a flushing face as he ran a hoof through his mane. “The Old Girl, she’s supposed to disguise itself with the environment around it. Blend in. Like a chameleon. Sadly, the device as Twilight so calls it, or as I know it, the chameleon circuit is… well, it’s sorta broken.”
“Well, then why don’t you just fix it?” Rainbow cocked a brow. “I’m sure Twilight would be willing to lend a hoof out. Right, Twilight?”
“I like it like this.” the Doctor replied, a little snippy in his tone.
“In other words, he’s lazy,” Twilight replied flatly.
“I AM NOT!” the Doctor snapped, quite defensive before leaning in close to the TARDIS’s console and murmuring: “There there, old girl, they didn’t mean to call you such rude things…”
“Geez, why don’t you just marry her already?” Rainbow asked, rolling her eyes in disgust while Twilight made a groaning sound and facehoofed.
“Anyways…” The Doctor just rolled his eyes and started to operate the machinery. “The Sonic Rainboom’s a marvelous feat in your world, right? Stuff of legends, and such right? And if you’re not sure whether or not you did the first one, well, we’ll just have to check and find out.”
“Well, of course, I didn’t do the first one!” Rainbow replied, wondering if the Doctor really knew what he was doing, noting him hit the controls with a hammer at one point. “I mean, the legend had to spawn from somewhere. Ancient Roam, I think, around the time Flash Magnus was scheduled to marry Queen Sonnambula…”
She received a few looks.
“What, I read!” Rainbow replied defensively. “Just only on important crap. Just don’t like looking in old textbooks that give things out on “How to Cure Transfiguration” and such.”
Twilight huffed to herself and crossed her forelegs. There was nothing wrong with old spellbooks.
“Well, nothing to it really. Only one way to solve this mystery. Hold on to your… Well, just hold on. Allons-Y!” he cried, and threw a switch as the whole TARDIS began to groan and shudder, making awful wheezing noises.
Twilight, as the Time Machine rocketed through time and space found herself thrown up against one of the walls, a spanner nearly hitting her in the forehead flying from a nearby toolbox.
“I swear, at times the only spanner bigger than that one, is the one operating this machine!” she thought to herself. She then found herself sliding across the metal floor on her tummy as the machine rocked and rolled as it bounced through more time periods. She let out a yelp as she flew past the Doctor, who was managing to keep control of himself (Somehow) and landed in Rainbow’s arms.
“I got you Twi, don’t worry.” the pegasus replied, seemingly oblivious to Twilight’s blush. “Never gonna leave ya hangin’.”
“...I think I’m going to be sick…” Twilight moaned, her face going from a bright crimson to a sickly lime green.
If the Doctor took any notice of this, he didn’t let it show. In truth, he was hoping for some sort of distraction, any sort of distraction really. Just to get his mind off the Master. Knowing his old friend was quite alive and well, really didn’t do wonders for his nerves. Sure, Celestia had locked him up somewhere, even if she hadn’t told him exactly where but the Master had this way with people. He managed to get right through Canterlot’s front gates for crying out loud!
Knowing that, knowing he could have easily gotten that close to the Princesses had Blueblood not gotten wise to the Master set the Doctor’s nerves on edge. He visibly shuddered at the possibility of the Master whispering in Celestia’s ears, giving her advice. He’d be the puppet ruler from behind the curtains, controlling every little thing. It’d be like if Oz of the Emerald City was revealed to be a great big stinking… Yeah, the metaphor may have gotten away from him there, the Doctor admitted. Point was, the Master anywhere near Celestia was a very bad thing indeed.
He just hoped she had the sense to not try and reach out to him with offers of friendship, he was too far gone for that anyways.
“Nonsense!” a voice spoke up in the Doctor’s mind, and all of the man’s thoughts immediately ground to a halt and everything else seemed to fade out. If there was one person the Doctor was going to listen to, and respect aside from his mother, of course, it would be himself. “I’m getting quite cynical in my old age, don’t you think?” the First Doctor asked. “Now, you shut up and listen to me dear boy.”
“Oh, don’t dear boy me!” the Doctor whined. “You’re starting to sound like Albus Dumbledore!”
“And what’s wrong with Albus Dumbledore?” the First asked, sounding quite like he was about to hit his successor with his cane. “Don’t you take that tone with me, otherwise I’m going to have to smack you across your flank!” he barked. “Now, Dumbledore. Wise man, very insightful man. To quote, and I know you should like this as I remember this being your favorite book of the series: “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Is that not right?”
“Your point?” the Doctor asked.
“Never say anyone’s too far gone. The Master, there’s a smidgen of goodness inside him, you and I both know it. Remember Yana? That was what was inside the Master’s Fob Watch. Like you, when you became John Smith, a tiny part of the Master’s personality locked away was set free if only for the briefest of moments. You just need to find a way to get to that spot. Maybe Celestia is the key. But then again, you could do what you always do, and just ignore me and my advice. Been doing it for centuries after all.”
The Doctor groaned and just turned to Twilight and Rainbow.
“Okay, we’re… here.” he started, before noticing the state they were in, both looking rather green.
“...World stopped spinning yet?” Rainbow murmured, and nearly threw up what she’d had for lunch that afternoon.
“...Please don’t do that, the Old Girl really doesn’t like it when you throw up on her floors.”
“You talk as if she’s alive,” Rainbow remarked, still a little green.
“Well, she is! You just haven’t seen it yet,” the Doctor remarked, a little miffed. “Now, would you kindly shut up? Insult her a bit too much, and she goes into a full on screaming tantrum, and believe me you don’t want to see that!”
“So, we finally there yet,” Twilight asked before deadpanning: “Or is this just a pit-stop to refuel or something?”
“Nope, we’re there. Height of The Roamane Empire. So great it needs just one big ‘The’!” the Doctor proclaimed before tossing the two togas. “Now, put these on. Go on out nude, you’re likely to cause a riot Barbarella!” he told them.
“...What about you, aren’t you going to change?” Twilight asked as she slipped the white piece of clothing over herself.
“Well, changed my suit from our lunch meeting. Isn’t that enough?” he commented. That much was true, he was now wearing a brown pinstripe suit instead of his usual blue one.
Twilight once more found herself groaning out in frustration even as the Doctor opened the TARDIS doors to reveal a bustling marketplace.
“...Eh, just asking but won’t they sorta notice… this?” Rainbow remarked, gesturing to the TARDIS with a wing.
“Eh, perception filter. Hard to explain, let me think for a moment…” he mused, before continuing as he let out a gasp. “Oh! I know what it's like. It's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist. That's what it's like.” he remarked. He noted Twilight eying Rainbow’s flank as the threesome marched out onto the cobblestone streets. “Yeah… You too, huh?” he asked.
Twilight’s eyes couldn’t help themselves from darting from left to right as they took in everything. The ponies, the stalls, the ancient (Well, ancient by her standards, everything was new in this time) structures, the most noteworthy being the huge colosseum rising high in the background. One could hear cheers and shouts, along with the roar of some great beast echoing from within.
“Oh, constants and variables…” the Doctor muttered mostly to himself. If Twilight knew what he meant by that, she didn’t say.
Rainbow’s eyes widened as she gazed upon this grand structure that looked not to far removed from the Firefly Amphitheatre back home, (Named after the famous flyer and pegasi warrior Firefly) in Cloudsdale and what lay within. Hearing the roaring crowd reminded her of home, and the grand shows the Wonderbolts put on in that very place.
“Now, gladiators. Bit of information you need to know about them,” Twilight said, in a rather stuffy ‘I know everything’ tone of voice. “Some of them, they actually volunteered to risk their lives, and if you can believe it, even their legal and social standing by advocating to appear in the arena.”
Now normally, Rainbow wouldn’t have bothered to listen to any of this, but to her, all of this sounded actually rather exciting. I mean, hot sweaty male ponies fighting each other? I mean, hello! That sounded exactly like something she’d read in a good old-fashioned erotica. ...Not that she’d ever laid eyes on such a thing of course.
Twilight smirked as she watched Rainbow’s ears perk up and the prismatic maned pegasus listen in rapt attention.
“I’m sorry, legal and social status?” Rainbow asked, the obvious fact that she was now talking in Romaine not occurring to her. Yet. “Why, I mean why risk such a thing?”
“Er, well that’s where things get a bit tricky, and to be honest will probably dampen your enthusiasm a little…” Twilight admitted sheepishly. “Let’s just say, you probably won’t want to watch two hot sweaty ponies fight each other after this,” she remarked, ignoring Rainbow’s blushing.
“...How did you?” Rainbow trailed off in disbelief.
“Know what you were thinking?” Twilight asked. “I know you, simple as that. You’d love the glory of a cheering crowd, and don’t think I haven’t heard Rarity gossip over you buying a copy of Fifty Shades of Hay.
“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” Rainbow replied, though her blush said it all. “N-Now can we just move along? Please?”
Twilight smirked, another verbal victory to her. “Right, yes. Gladiators. Quite sadly, despite all their bravery, daring do or if you ask me suicidal stupidity, a lot of them were quite often despised as slaves, given schooling under inhumane conditions, likely socially marginalized, and segregated even after death.”
“W-What…?” Rainbow whispered. “Why?”
“Now this, this is where the social standing bit comes in,” the Doctor added. “Honestly, modern Equestrian customs offer few legal comparisons to those in this time By that, I mean to the legal and social context of the gladiatoria munera. By law, anyone and this includes anyone as in the young, old and doesn’t bother with gender I might add- sentenced to the pits was a servus poenae.”
“Slave of the Penalty,” Twilight explained. “So yeah, female gladiators were a thing. Despite all the perceptions of it being a mainly male-dominated sport. Sadly, anyone sentenced to this fate was given at the very least, three years of fighting in the arena, up to five. Presuming of course, they weren’t killed by another warrior or a wild animal,” Twilight finished.
“...Okay, think I’ve heard enough thank you,” Rainbow shuddered before muttering: “Tempora di superi!” without ever realizing it. Then, as if someone had flicked on a lightswitch above her head…
“Wait, did I just speak Ancient Romaine? Did I just speak in Ancient Romaine?” Rainbow stuttered out in disbelief before realizing something. “Twilight, did you just speak Ancient Romaine?”
“TARDIS Translation Matrix,” the Doctor put in. “Allows you to speak any language in the universe.”
“So, in that case, what might happen if I ran up to someone and said “veni vidi vici”?” Rainbow asked.
The Doctor ran a hoof through his mane, as he was oft to do when at a loss and shrugged his shoulders. “Guess they’d think you’d be speaking Old Marish, I guess?” he told her, not really knowing for sure. “Guess you could try.”
Sure enough, that’s exactly what Rainbow did. Soon, she returned with a look on her face. “...They thought I was speaking Trottish.”
“Close enough, I suppose…” the Doctor mumbled to himself as Twilight facehoofed again and shook her head.
“Gotta wonder, what are they celebrating anyways…?” Rainbow mused, before a gruff, older voice spoke up.
“You haven’t heard lass?” a dark purple pegasus pony, with a long gray beard and wearing bronze colored armor asked in surprise, eyes widened. “I mean, talk of the town! Flash Magnus, a buck I’m say I’ve proud to have trained getting married to one Queen Somnambula of Baladi! He’s in the arena right now, giving those mud sloshers what for!” the older pony exclaimed. All of the ponies eyes narrowed, particularly the Doctor’s being a ‘mud slosher’ himself. For reference, it was a old term, used to refer to the Earth Pony Slaves that used to clean out the toilets of the gladiators.
“Lucky dog, in all senses of the world. Why, if I was a younger buck… Mhmm.” the stallion commented, looking lustful as he eyed a finely weaved tapestry of Somnambula. The pegasus was a peach skinned mare if the tapestry was to be believed and possessed the most beautiful violet eyes you could lose yourself in.
“I’d thank you not to use the term “mud slosher” in my presence.” the Doctor growled, his tone low in warning. He needn’t have raised his voice, as the stallion saw the dangerous look in his eyes, the one of a warrior who’d fought countless battles.
“I’m sorry, don’t mind this old buck. Don’t mean anything by it, just force of habit you understand!” the stallion apologized.
“Yeah, I’m sure…” Rainbow trailed off, not believing him for a moment. “Who are you, anyways?”
“Commander Ironhead, of the Royal Legion,” the purple pony introduced himself, kissing Rainbow’s hoof. She grimaced, but forced down the urge to punch him in the face for that. “And who might you be, my fair lady?”
“Rainbow Dash, quite taken.” Rainbow snarled, wrapping a wing around Twilight who let out an “Eep!” of shock and her face went bright red.
“Calm down Twi, not like she’s actually dating you,” the mare thought to herself, slowing her breathing and forcing the blush away. “Just keeping up appearances to get rid of this guy, and stop him from bothering her.”
“Ah, so I assume they’re your consorts, Emperor Nero?” Ironhead asked, making both Twilight and Rainbow’s jaws drop in shock as Ironhead turned to the Doctor, who had his psychic paper out and in hoof. “I mean, the only way you’d allow two mares to be in love with each other right?”
“Kindly do me a favor, and shut it Ironhead,” the Doctor returned, still with that steely eyed gaze. “They’re not my consorts, they’re just friends of mine. I allow any of my subjects to be with whoever they choose.”
“Apologies then for making such a… brash assumption. One of the old guard you must understand, all of this is new to me. Sure, us stallions used bathhouses without a care, showing our balls to one another, but we didn’t really think of mares in relationships that much. We briefly entertained the idea to ourselves I admit, but…” Ironhead trailed off.
“It was only in perverted fantasies, right?” Rainbow asked, eyes narrowed, quite tempted to slap this one with a wing.
“Ironhead, glorious victory in the arena!” a young stallion, with a brilliantly amber coat of fur and a crimson mane wearing silver armor shouted as he walked up. Silver armor that was caked in blood that perfectly matched his mane, Rainbow noted. “Gets ones spirit’s up! Freshly killed leopard, we’ll be having tonight!”
Fluttershy would have fainted on the spot really, Rainbow noted she recently got ahold of a Snow Leopard. Somehow.
“Spirits aren’t probably the only thing that’s up…” Ironhead smirked, and the newcomer laughed.
“You see where I got it?” He asked the Doctor, with an aside glance. “Sorry if this old fart’s been bothering you. Name’s Flash Magnus.”
“Ah, so you’re the one who’s the talk of the town!” the Doctor’s eyes widened in recognition. “If I may be so bold, where’s the lucky bride-to-be?”
“She should be here tomorrow, coming all the way from her home country. Takes a few days. From what I heard, she got caught up in helping this Prince Hisan character with a Sphinx issue. But, as we say, my wife, veni vidi vici!”
Ironhead laughed long and hard.
“...And yet when he speaks it, nopony bats an eyelash.” Rainbow muttered, eyebrow twitching. She regained her composure and turned to Flash.
“So, fast flyer, right?”
“One of the best. Outfoxed a dragon with my speed!” the pegasus boasted.
“So, I can assume you’ve heard of the Sonic Rainboom?” Rainbow pressed. What happened next, nobody expected.
“...The what?” Flash asked.