//------------------------------// // Yes, the foam finger does block magic // Story: I Am The Villain! // by Chemtest //------------------------------// I walk my way into the dining room to see my new prisoners all sitting on one end of the table. Eh, they might as well, doesn’t really matter to me. I walk up to the head chair and sit down, across me is the special looking stranger that didn’t try to kill me. I look around to see some more guards of mine standing around, “Oh, come on guards, take a seat.” My guards all standing around close in and fill up the rest of the seats. I nod towards a waiter at my side, “Bring in some food. Our prisoners look like they have been traveling for a long time, and we want what could be future workers to be in good condition.” The waiters all being out food to everyone. It’s all... green? I look up at one of them, “We wouldn’t happen to have any meat, would we?” He shakes his head, “No, Emperor, ponies are herbivores so we don’t carry meat.” I wave him off, and look down to my meal. Broccoli and brussle sprouts. Yeah, no, I’m already full off of fair food. I look over at the strangers as they eat, “So, I presume introductions would be in order.” The one right across from me awnsers first, “I am Captain Shineing Armor.” He motions his head towards the pink one wearing a foam finger, “That’s my wife, Princess Cadence. Don’t care about the guards.” I smooth out my moustach and smile at them, “I am Emperor Eric McBad of the Bananaramma Corporation. And you are all my prisoners.” Cadence slams her hoof into the table, “On what charges!? We are nowhere near this ‘Bananaramma Corporation’, we are under the jurisdiction of the Crystal Empire!” I affix my monocle to look more towards her, “Well, I am sorry, but the Crystal Empire doesn’t exist. If you wish to bring up a complaint about it, talk to the previous king.” I get a sarcastic smile, “I don’t think he’ll be very talkative anymore, unless if you’re very skilled in necromancy.” Captain Shining Armor looks at me a bit more calmly, “What happend to Sombra?” I shrug my cape off my shoulders and throw it on the table, “He was an arsehole, so you know I had to do it to him.” Cadence gapes at his body, “You killed him, and turned him into a cape!?” I shrug, “Can you blame me? He was an arsehole, his body was just lying there... and it totally fits my style.” I throw Sombra-cape on and look back to them, “You are in the Bananaramma Corporation’s city and trespassed. You are prisoners under my jurisdiction.” I hold up a hand to stop any protests, “Now, just becuase your prisoners doesn’t mean much. You will be treated like guests at the palace. And, I need to do some negotiating with your country.” Princess Cadence smiles, “Well, as I am a Princess, I will be able to negotiate with you.” I shake my head, “No, no, no, I am an Emperor, and I will negotiate with whoever is chosen by your leader. Also, you tried to murder me, so I don’t really trust you to do fair negotiations. So, one of you two are going back to your leader, and I will receive an envoy of either them or whomever they chose.” Shining automatically stands up, “I will go!” Cadence also stands up, “No, I will go!” I stop them before they argue, “Now, I have a simple way to solve this. I will ask both of you three riddles each. The amount correct is what determines who goes.” Shining steps up towards me, “I’ll go first.” I nod, “What is tall so that it may reach the sky’s, but also short enough to be climbed? Made of stone, made a specific way, but never with our intervention. The longer it lives the weaker it gets. What has roots, but is not a tree?” He nods and thinks it over, “The mind. It can be so great to reach above clouds, but can also be very short. Some set their beliefs in stone, and it forms without us helping it. It has roots through the entire body, and is not a tree.” I nod at his awnser, “Good guess, but sadly not. Like, actually good on you for thinking that through.” I point at Cadence, “Okay, now you try and awnser that one.” She nods, “A mountain.” I smile and nod back, “Yes.” I point back at Shining, “I am constantly hungry, but no matter how much you feed me I am never full, what am I?” He smiles, “Ego.” I shake my head, “Dang, okay Cadence instead.” “Curiosity.” “Ding! Now, for a twist, Cadence goes again!” I smile as I come up with my next one, “What can teach generations without saying a word? Can carry knowledge, but never was alive?” She thinks for a bit, “Rocks?” I shake my head, “Nope. Shining?” “I know this from Twily! Books!” I smile, “He is correct! But Cadence does have the most right, so she goes.” Cadence nods at all of us, “I will get there quickly.” And, she flies out. I walk over to Shining, “Okay, I will show you all to your rooms.” He nods back, “Okay.” I smile at him, “Oh, without her here to ‘whip’ you, we should be friends.”