Applejack had thought that nothing could be worse than Granny talking with Sketchy, somehow mistaking everything he said as proof that they were in a relationship.
Then Big Mac and Apple Bloom came home.
“So that’s why Applejack didn’t want me to go to Sugarcube Corner the other day,” Apple Bloom said. “She was trying to hide her new coltfriend. You two were doing something that day, weren’t you?”
They were sitting around the dinner table, or as Applejack had begun to think of it, the torture chamber.
“Which day was that?” Sketchy asked.
Apple Bloom thought about it for a second. “Tuesday.”
Sketchy nodded. “That was the day she bought a Playcolt magazine and told me to study it.”
Everypony went dead silent, and Applejack’s cheeks tried their darndest to scorch her to death.
Big Mac cleared his throat. “Why?”
“To help me perform my craft better,” Sketchy said.
Granny gave Applejack a death glare. “Perform, eh? Normally what ponies do with their special someponies ain’t none of my business, but don’t you think you could’ve told us you had a coltfriend before your relationship reached that point?”
“We ain’t doing anything like that,” Applejack said weakly.
“Not yet,” Sketchy agreed. “We recently agreed to change that, but we haven’t set a time yet.”
Even Apple Bloom was blushing. “I’m not sure I’m old enough to be hearing this.”
“Least he’s being honest about it,” Granny said, shooting Applejack another dirty look. “Guess we’ll be welcoming you to the family soon.”
Big Mac took Sketchy’s hoof and gave him a very serious look. “Take care of my sister.”
Sketchy stared back in confusion. “I will.”
Applejack smacked her head into the table again. She’d already left a considerable dent in it. “He’s an artist! He needed models to draw! I recently agreed to do a bit of modeling work for him! That’s it!”
“You wanna be a model?” Apple Bloom asked.
Big Mac gave Applejack a suspicious look. “A Playcolt model?”
Applejack was pretty sure her entire head was blushing by now. “N-nothing quite that extreme. Sketchy’s art just tends a bit towards the,” she glanced at Apple Bloom, “adult side of things.”
“I copy the pictures and sell them,” Sketchy said, “though I also do commissions from creatures who want to surprise their significant others.”
Big Mac’s eyes went thoughtful.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Applejack said. “You can’t seriously be thinking of getting yourself drawn, you know, like that, for that marefriend of yours.”
Big Mac just arched an eyebrow and pointed at her. The message was clear, ‘You’re modeling for him. How’s it any different if I want to do the same?’
Applejack groaned and dented the table some more. She knew when she’d lost an argument.
“I still don’t get what this is all about,” Apple Bloom said.
“Don’t you worry your sweet little head about it,” Granny said. “Dinner’s basically over, and now Applejack’s gonna take you into the front room and explain the birds and the bees,” she looked at Applejack, “now won’t she?”
There was that sense of impending doom again. Applejack swallowed. “S-sure … just let me do the dishes first.”
“I can handle them,” Granny said. “You’ve got more important things to talk about.”
Sketchy said something to Big Mac and then turned to her as well. “When’s my next opening? Your brother would like to make an appointment.”
Applejack’s eye started to twitch. “Just one sec, okay?” She got up, calmly walked outside, and sucked in as much air as her lungs could hold.
( | )
Spike paused in the middle of the dishes. “Twilight, Starlight, did either of you just hear something?”
“I didn’t,” Twilight said as she swept the kitchen floor.
“What did it sound like?” Starlight asked, drying off another plate.
“Kind of like,” Spike shivered, “the screams of the damned.”
( | )
Her lungs now empty, and her throat now sore, Applejack walked back inside. “Sketchy, you got your art supplies with you, right?”
He nodded.
“Big Mac, you fine with getting this drawing stuff out of the way tonight?”
He nodded.
“Good, then go ahead and get to work in one of the bedrooms or the barn, or anyplace with a locking door.” She sighed. “Apple Bloom, come with me.” Then she walked into the front room.
Apple Bloom followed behind her and hopped up on the sofa. “So, uh, what did Granny want you to explain to me?”
“One sec. I’ll be right back.” Applejack went to her room and came back with a jug of alcohol and a mug. “I ain’t doing this sober.” She set everything down on the coffee table and poured herself a mug, draining it in one go.
Apple Bloom looked worried. “Um, okay. So what did you have to talk to me about?”
Applejack took a deep breath. “Sex.”
Understanding dawned in her little sister’s eyes. “Oh, so that’s what all that in the kitchen was about. They thought you and Sketchy were …”
“Yup.” Applejack poured herself another mug. “We ain’t, by the way, and don’t expect that to change anytime soon.”
Apple Bloom nodded.
“So, anyway,” she took another deep breath and then launched into a short explanation of how ponies went about making new ponies. It took her maybe a minute, but she aged at least a decade in the process.
Apple Bloom wasn’t faring much better. “Y-you mean, his-”
“Yup.”
“-goes into her-”
“Yup.”
“That’s gross!” Apple Bloom looked a little green. “Why do ponies even do that?”
“Dunno,” Applejack said. “Ain’t never done it myself, but some ponies act like it’s the be all and end all of life.”
Apple Bloom shuddered. “I don’t think I’ll ever want something like that.”
Applejack smiled in spite of herself. “That’s exactly what I said when Mom gave me this talk.” She blinked away a bit of moisture in her eyes. “She just said that my opinion might change once I’d grown up a bit and met the right stallion.”
Silence fell over them, like it usually did whenever their parents came up. Applejack took the opportunity to pour herself a bit more hard cider. She paused and passed the mug to Apple Bloom. “Go on and take a sip.”
“Are you sure?” Apple Bloom asked, eyeing the mug.
Applejack nodded. “You just got one step closer to being an adult. Don’t go overboard, though.”
Apple Bloom took the mug and drank a bit. She started coughing immediately.
“Yeah, the stuff packs a mean kick.” Applejack took the mug and drained the rest of it.
Apple Bloom nodded, still fighting down coughs. “How do you drink that like it’s nothing?”
“Practice.” She patted Apple Bloom’s head. “I hate to ask, but you got any questions?”
“I’m not sure,” Apple Bloom said. She tapped her chin with a hoof. “If I think of anything, can I ask you later?”
Applejack sincerely hoped her sister didn’t think of anything, but she nodded.
“Thanks, Sis.” Apple Bloom smiled and hugged her. “By the way, what kind of artist is Sketchy, exactly? I know you said he’s more of an adult artist, but what does that mean?”
That explanation was a lot easier now that the big one had been covered. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Applejack was hardly embarrassed at all as she explained things.
“Weird.” Apple Bloom shook her head. “And you’re gonna be his model for that kinda thing?”
Applejack looked around. They were all alone. “Truth be told, I’d really rather not, but he’s my friend, and I promised him I’d do it, so,” she took a deep breath, “yup, I’m gonna be his model. Don’t really think it’ll bring in much business for him, but” she shrugged, “that’s neither here nor there.”
“Ah, come on,” Apple Bloom said, “you’re a hero of Equestria.” She giggled. “I’m sure plenty of ponies would pay to look at your rear.”
Applejack groaned. “I hope not. Now c’mon, let’s see if Granny needs any help with the dishes.”
Apple Bloom hopped off the couch and followed her. “Hey, Sis?”
“Yup?”
She nuzzled Applejack’s side. “Thanks for explaining everything to me.”
Applejack nuzzled her back. “You’re welcome, little Sis.”