The world froze around me as I stared into its eyes. Its black, beady little eyes that bore into me like razor-sharp glaciers with its complete indifference. Its long ears that would twitch in delight as my heart beat its last. Those little buck teeth that looked prime and ready to pierce into my soul the moment I let my guard down... once it was done eating one of my carrots, the little jerk.
The winged pony frowned, looking a bit worried. "Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you?"
I shook the terror out of my head and gathered my thoughts. "O-oh, yeah I'm fine. No bites or anything."
"Oh thank goodness," she sighed, relaxing as she set the bushy-tailed monster on her back. "Angel can get a little nippy when he's grumpy, which is usually when he's hungry. I'm so sorry about your carrots, he must have smelled them."
That little demon is named Angel?! There are some sick ponies in this town.
"Oh, it was just a couple of bits," I said with a dismissive flick of the hoof. "Really, no harm done." Not physically anyway. I tried not to make eye contact with Angel. Behind that fluffy, bored-looking face there lay the intent of a ruthless killing machine.
"But that's no excuse for bad manners," the pony insisted, and turned to her side so that the snow-white beast was eye-to-eye with me. "Say you're sorry, Angel."
Angel rolled his eyes and squeaked something in his devil language.
"He says he's sorry for taking your carrots," she explained.
I blinked slowly, starting to think I'd run into another crazy. I wouldn't have been surprised. "Um, it's fine...?"
"Oh that's good," she said with a sigh of relief, then turned to face me again. "I don't think we've met before. My name is Fluttershy."
I had to smile a little. That name was admittedly some adorable wordplay, though she didn't seem all that shy to me. "I'm Sharp Sight. I'm new around here." I had a feeling that was going to be my catchphrase, and on my tombstone in the near future.
"Oh, well welcome to Ponyville," she said with a warm smile. "I hope you like it here."
She was being rather nice and civil, so I decided not to divulge that this town actually terrified me a bit. "It's growing on me, yeah."
"I'm glad," she said, and then skirted around me. "I'm so sorry for taking up your time, and I wish I could welcome you properly but I'm in a bit of a rush."
Part of me just wanted to wave her off so she'd get Angel away from me, but my more rational half was the one that brought me to ask, "Something wrong?"
"Oh no," Fluttershy said with a shake of her head. "I just didn't realise that I was so low on bird food, so I had to rush to pick up some sunflower seeds. And then someone--" she gave Angel a soft glare, "--sneaked into my bag because he wouldn't eat his lettuce this morning." Angel stuck out his tongue distastefully.
I found myself somewhat terrified that me and that little monster had something in common; I was never a big fan of eating my greens either. But since I hadn't seen even the slightest hint of a butcher's around here, I had a sinking feeling I'd have to start. Then again, carrots weren't all bad all of a sudden, so maybe my taste buds were adjusting?
"Sorry to hear that," I said. "Don't suppose I could lend a hand?"
Fluttershy tilted her head. "Pardon? Lend a what?"
"Hoof," I quickly backpedaled, "I said 'hoof'." This pony lingo was going to be a pain.
She glanced upward in thought for a moment. "Well, I don't really want to impose..."
I shrugged. "I'm not doing anything important right now."
"It's just I have a lot of animals to feed, and I like to feed them all at roughly the same time so it feels fair. I don't mind it of course, it's just that with me being out of bird food, it's going to be a bit of a rush by myself."
"Sure, I can help you out with that," I said with a nod.
"Oh, thank you so much!" she chirped with a grateful smile, and she trotted past me a few steps. "Let me just get some sunflower seeds and I'll take you to my home."
I watched as she disappeared into the crowd of ponies, and I felt relieved at an easy-sounding job that didn't involve hauling a giant mound of clothes.
It's only feeding some pets, how hard can that be?
I followed Fluttershy on a dirt path out of town, with a heavy sack of birdseed that I had decided in my infinite wisdom to carry for her when she was having trouble with it on her own. Somehow I wasn't expecting her to get a bag of the stuff that was the size of me.
Though whichever deity or deities existed in this world decided to cut me a break, as the walk wasn't that long. I was soon looking at a cottage that was rather pleasant on the eyes, sporting a green, grass-like roof instead of thatch. Like somepony had taken a tree and moulded it into a house. It even had a little stream with the path going over a bridge.
"Well, this is my home," Fluttershy said, and stopping my mental count of how many nests and birdhouses were around the house. I'd reached twelve. She really did need all that birdseed.
"It's pretty nice," I said truthfully.
"Oh thank you," she said with a smile, and lifted the sack of seeds off my back, allowing me a chance to silently thank the pony gods for their mercy.
I opened my mouth to say my thanks to her, but I froze as I felt the ground shake beneath my hooves. My ears flopped. "Is that normal? Should I be worried?"
"Oh no," Fluttershy said with a knowing smile, "everyone's just coming for lunch."
I wanted to run for my life, but fear decided it was more plausible to keep me rooted to the path as the tidal wave of animals rushed out of anywhere and everywhere. Birds appeared from nests and birdhouses, mice jump out of the house's windows, squirrels scurried down from the trees, otters hopped out of the stream, and-
"IS THAT A BEAR?!" I screeched in pure terror as an honest-to-pony-god fully-grown brown bear thundered toward us. I felt an icy chill when its paws wrapped around Fluttershy, but I found my breath when I realised it was... hugging her.
"Harry's just a great big teddy bear," she giggled and rubbed under the bear's chin with her hoof and cooed, "Aren't you, Harry?" The bear responded with a soft grunt.
I raised an eyebrow, and looked around at all the animals surrounding Fluttershy, with something that looked like admiration in their eyes.
"I take it your thing is animals?" I asked.
"My thing?" she asked quizzically, then blinked. "Oh, my special talent? Oh yes, I've always been able to talk to animals. I can understand them and what they're feeling, and they can understand me too."
At first I thought this mare was just another loony, and I opened my mouth to speak my scepticism, but then I noticed when she was talking to a hummingbird, it was occasionally nodding and it chirped something to her.
"Oh I know, Hummingway," I overheard her as she filled its feeder, "I made sure to get you the best sunflower seeds I could find." The bird chirped happily and started helping itself.
Maybe she wasn't so crazy.
Once she was done with the seed, Fluttershy swooped into the house and soon returned with a small stack of bowls, looking filled up with what looked like sliced carrots, lettuce, tomatoes and such.
"I was thinking you could help feed the bunnies?" she offered innocently. "Don't worry, they all get the same. Apart from Mr. Picky over here, but I'll take care of him." She added with a glance toward Angel.
"Oh sure, I can handle th--" I froze, eyes pinpricking. "Excusemehelpfeedthewhat."
Fluttershy frowned. "Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "N-no, not at all!" I lied, wanting to make a good first impression.
She nodded and smiled. "Just set them down for them, they'll help themselves," she instructed, and she flew off, coaxing Harry to follow her.
I glanced down at the long-eared monsters in front of me, staring at me expectantly. Brown, grey, black... who knew evil could come in so many colours?
Fluttershy wasn't insane. She was downright diabolical.
It was just me, a mound of rabbit food, and sparse sea of bunnies, their beady white eyes staring right at it. Then at me. Then at the food. Then back to me.
I took a deep breath, and took a bowl of food off the top of the stack. "Nice bunnies--"
Everything went slow. A tidal wave of cute, fluffy terror bounded and hopped toward me, their buck teeth glistening in the sun and their eyes practically glowing with intent.
Everything went black, and I felt paws bounding on and off of me in a disorderly fashion.
It's the petting zoo all over again.
"Is everything okay?" I heard Fluttershy's voice in the near distance, and I took my hooves off my eyes and scrambled to stand back up. "I thought I heard a filly screaming."
My ears flopped again. That couldn't have been me. No, nope, it surely wasn't. "I didn't hear anything."
She blinked, then took a look behind me. "Thank you for feeding the bunnies, looks like you're a natural with them."
"Uh?" I turned and looked to the rabbits, which were calmly and orderly helping themselves to the food, two or three to a bowl. "Oh, uh... thanks."
They let me live today, but what insidious plans did they have in store for me?
Then I narrowed my eyes and noticed one of the rabbits approaching us. A grey one, with little... antlers? Horns? It definitely had one of each. "Is that some kind of jackalope?"
"Huh? I don't..." Fluttershy trailed off, and looked into the jackalope(?)'s smug little eyes. "Oh, I know who this is." She confirmed with a smile.
I blinked. "Who--"
The jackalope(?) suddenly burst into a white light, and in its place hovered a... noodle-goat thing with what looked like a lion's paw, a bird's foot, a hoof and a lizard leg.
"Firstly, I am a Draconequus," the noodle-goat said in a mischievous, masculine voice, "I am not a 'noodle-goat thing'." He made quote marks with his fingers-slash-talons.
I swallowed, suddenly nervous. "H-how did you know--"
"Would you believe I can read minds?" He smirked, his one fang glimmering in the sun. He then frowned. "No I'm asking, would you believe me?"
I blinked quickly a few times. "I guess I wouldn't rule it out."
"Open-minded! I like it!" He said from behind me, and he put his arm(?) around me and spoke again before I could question how he got behind me all of a sudden. "Bit of a pansy, though. Seriously Fluttershy, of all ponies you could run into, you found one whose weakness is cute and cuddly things?"
I turned to Fluttershy for help, and she was just giggling into her hoof. "Who is this?!"
"Oh, sorry," she said and pointed her raised hoof to the Draconequus. "This is Discord."
I frowned and gave her a look. "I figured that, but what's his name?"
The new creature snorted and cackled, giving my back a sharp slap and making me whimper. "And he does jokes! You really are the whole package!" He grinned and tied a red bow around my middle, the tag reading 'Do not open before Hearth's Warming'.
"His name is Discord," Fluttershy explained, looking thoroughly entertained by the whole display of whatever this guy was doing.
Discord took a bow. "Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony--TM--and Fluttershy's best friend in this realm and mine. And you'll do well to keep that in mind." His smile disintegrated into a threatening scowl, his eyes practically glowing red.
"I got it," I whimpered quickly.
"Good!" Discord chirped, the sinister air around him vanishing as quickly as it came. He snapped his fingers and a filing cabinet appeared out of thin air, hovering as he started flicking through each shelf. "Now then, who might you be? I don't believe I have you on file."
"This is Sharp Sight," Fluttershy answered for me. "He's new to Ponyville, and he offered to help me feed the animals."
"Well aren't you just the good little Samaritan?" Discord chuckled, almost mockingly, and pinched my cheeks between his talons. I tried not to whimper loud enough for him to hear.
"Uh, I guess," I muttered uneasily, and glanced over to Fluttershy. "You want anymore help?" I quickly asked, eager to get away from all of this awkwardness.
"Well, with Discord here, I think we're covered," the buttery pony said. "But thank you so much for helping with the bunnies."
"Wait," I said, holding a hoof up, "if you had this guy to help, why not ask him in the first place?"
"Just because Fluttershy is my best friend," Discord answered, "doesn't mean I don't have my own things to do. The milk ran out at home, you see. Had to chase it for a good eleven miles before it gave up, who knew dairy could be so fickle."
I had the feeling he was being serious, but given Fluttershy's titters and my being absolutely exhausted and fed up with everything that existed at the moment, I just took it as a joke.
"Is there anything you'd like before you go?" Fluttershy offered. "I'd hate to send you away with nothing after all your help."
"No need," I muttered, forcing a smile, "I was happy to lend a hand--hoof. Lend a hoof." I corrected myself quickly.
Truth be told, I didn't mind a lack of payment if it meant getting out of there faster. I didn't like how Discord kept giving me the stink eye every time Fluttershy's back was turned.
I sighed as I returned to town, the sun setting and the sky becoming a warm orange. Fluttershy was nice and all, but it was hard keeping a smile on my face with Discord giving me the I'm watching you gesture when Fluttershy's back had turned.
Looks like someone has a security blanket.
Relief washed over me as my new home came into view. All I could think of was what one heck of a day I'd had. I woke up with two more legs and two less arms and a magnifying glass on my butt, I met a lot of talking ponies whose sanity I am still worried about--especially that one pony, Lyra I think. What was her deal?--and I got a few odd jobs done. Plus some money in my pocket. Not bad for somepony who had no idea what in the world had happened to him.
Somepony. That still sounds so weird to say.
With a soft sigh, I pushed the door open, ready to find a comfy bit of floor to collapse on for the next decade.
I flicked on the light--
"SURPRISE!!"