//------------------------------// // Eh, yo, is that something happening? // Story: I Am The Villain! // by Chemtest //------------------------------// I carefully aim the hoop to throw around the bottle. And... throw! “Sorry, you lost.” I look up to look the pony running the stall in the eye, “This game is rigged.” The pony mearly shrugs, “Sorry.” I do a little cough, “I’m sorry, let me rephrase that.” I place my wand down on the counter, “This game is rigged.” The pony looks down to see my wand, and nervously looks up, “What do you wand- ahem- want, m’lord?” I smile as he gets the message, “Get me the foam finger.” He hands me the foam finger they have, for some reason, “Here you go, m’lord.” My straight smile obviously cuts through him, “Now then, I don’t wanna hear about any more rigged games, got it?” The pony nods up and down vigorously, “Yes!” I tilt my monocle to glare at him a minute more, “Good.” I snatch up my foam hand, and walk off to enjoy the other attractions. I smile as I see all of my new citizens play in this fair. As I observe my citizens, one in particular comes up to me. Lightning’s Arc, “McBad, I have just come up with a brilliant idea!” I nod down to him, “Continue.” He excitedly nods as he speaks, “Okay, as the Bananaramma Corporation, we should obviously grow some bananas, right? Well, I learned of a copying spell that can be placed into gems. To put it simply, we have a room full of bananas, and we place these gems into there to replicate them.” I nod and look down to him, “I assume there is something else that needs to be done to charge the gems?” He nods again, “Yes, the gems would need a constant source of power, magical or otherwise. Now, we want to mass produce this and keep the city liveable, so I’ve designed a genius system! We use steam to create the energy! And, in order to supplement it, we use lighting rods to capture lightning’s energy! One single lightning strike and an hour with the steam machine could power up to 100 gems going constantly to produce bananas! If you multiply the engines, then we could produce thousands of bananas per day, and move our economy out of mining!” I smile and pat him on the head, “Yes, perfect! Go ahead and start production of those, I fully support it.” He jumps up and down in excitement, “Oh, thank you, thank you, Emperor! I’ll start on it right away!” And before I can say anything, he races off. Thus, I continue to observe the Corporations citizens. —(???)— I look down at the Crystal Empire, “Well, Cadence, we made it!” My wife steps up beside me, “Finnaly, after so long it is good to see civilization again! Even if we do have to clear out King Sombra.” I smile back at her, “Relax, that’s why we have the guards.” She sighs and looks back to the guards right behind us, “Honestly, remembering our wedding, that doesn’t help me relax. Not to mention that they sent five recruits instead of at least ten veterans. No offense to your training skills, but I don’t trust them with the horns on top their heads.” I shrug, best response I can give, “Well, worst case scenario... we make them bodyshields, deal?” “No deal. I don’t even trust them to stand in front of me.” “Well, they’ll make us look more intimidating.” She sighs, “For some reason I have the feeling that an entire city of them couldn’t win against a single foal.” I glance back at them to see one of them trip over their own spear, “Well... yeah, I agree.” I glance ahead, “Well, let’s move in, shall we?” She nods and starts to trot forward before her face becomes one of shock, “There’s a foal falling from a roof!” I focus and see said foal as they fall, and then my wife as she starts to fly after it, “Men, let’s get moving!” I look back to see one of them salute only to hit himself on the head, and one of them is eating a sandwich from their bag. “Why do I even bother.” I crack my hoof on the ground, “Let’s go!” —(McBad)— As I look around, I hear an infant cries. I quickly whip out my wand and see a child falling from a rooftop. I quickly aim my wand, “Teleportus apperatus!” With my spell, the child ends up in my arms. I find a pony next to me, “Please, return this to who it belongs too.” I hand the pony the baby, and they carry it over to another that is crying, presumably it’s mother. *Thud!* I look over to where I hear a landing thud, and see a pink energy beam headed towards me, “Sheildus reflectus!” The beam connects with itself, and results in a massive explosion. When the dust clears, I see a pissed off looking pony glare into at me, “What did you do with the foal!?” I point my wand at her, “I don’t usually talk with those who have tried to kill me, and still have the power to!” I see her horn charge up, and I immediately shout, “Infernos Maximus!” The beams of magic connect once again, and we struggle for dominance. The beams of red and pink connect for a while, until I hear hoofsteps rushing up, “By the name of the Bananaramma Corporation, you are under arrest!” I smirk as I see guards emerge from the fucking woodworks. Like, I saw one crawl out of a manhole and another jumped through a wall. These guards are beasts. I see them stick their spears near her face, and she stops her magic. I also do, “Magus dismissus!” With this, the beams disappear and I can see her surrender. Six other non-crystal stranger ponies rush up behind her. When my guards burst through at least four differnt walls and five windows to threaten them, they surrender. One guard wearing fancy armor walks up, “By the power in me as Captain of the Bananaramma Corporation Guard, and given to me by Emperor McBad himself, you are all under arrest for trespassing and the attempted assault/murder/battery of the Emperor. Any punishment is up to him.” I walk up to the one that assulted me, “Well, you aren’t to be trusted with magic, so that goes away.” Her face goes to one of pure disbelief, “You’re going to cut off my horn!?” Her face becomes a lot more confused when I take out the foam finger and put it over her horn, “Alright, punishment done.” I fix my moustach and top-hat from the tilt they got in the battle, “Now, you will join me in the dining room and we will have a chat about what just happened.” I look over to the Bananaramma Guard Captain, and nod, “Please, escort them to the dining room.” He nods back, “Yes Emperor, they will be waiting for you to arrive to talk to them!” They march off and I look back at the citizens as they watch me, “Well, go and have fun!”