//------------------------------//
// Friendship University 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
//------------------------------//

Dear Starswirl, 

I want to know something, how in the hell could you not see past Flim and Flam?  Come on, you are the greatest wizard in the history of Equestria but you honestly think those con-ponies would be running a legitimate university?  For Celestia's sake, they simply took every other page out of my book to teach it to their students!  Yes the classes were free but they charged for the worksheets!  Now if that doesn't reek of a scam, I don't know what would!

Now I would appreciate it if you came to my school and study friendship with me and my friends.  We are the poster ponies of friendship and you'll learn a lot more from us than you ever would those two!  

The Only REAL Friendship Teacher, 

Princess Twilight Sparkle 





To Old Pony, 

Yona is student at Purple Pony's school and wants old pony to know that purple pony and light pink pony screw on school grounds.  Also, yellow pony screws the local vet constantly so maybe purple pony's school won't work for old pony.  Yona thinks old pony should teach for big white pony in fancy city. 

Purple Pony's Best Student, 

Yona





Yona, 

What, you mean to tell me that Twilight screws Starlight on school grounds and that Fluttershy screws the local vet?  Well there goes my respect for Twilight and perhaps I will take your advice.  I know Princess Celestia will be glad to have me teach at her school.  Perhaps if I go there to teach, you could join me and be my best student ever. 

Sincerely, 

Starswirl the Bearded





Dear Twilight, 

I am very disappointed in you.  I always had a feeling from the moment that I met you that you and Starlight may have done things together but seriously, getting it on on school grounds?  Luckily for me, your best student told me about your activities so I have decided that I will not come to your school.  This wonderful, polite caring yak simply wants what is best for me so I'm headed to Canterlot.  I know Celestia needs a teacher since Luna sleeps during the day and Celestia is too busy stuffing her face with cake to bother with anything else.  Oh well, at least she only eats cake and not her guidance counselor. 

Very Disappointed, 

Starswirl the Bearded





Chancellor Neighsay, 

Why the hell would you give full EEA accreditation to a fucking diploma mill?  I would think that even the likes of you would be able to tell those con-ponies were just running a scam school so they could expand their resort.  This is yet another reason Princess Celestia needs to abolish the EEA, throw you into Tartarus and put me in charge of everything!  Just wait you speciesist asshole, one day you will learn that there are ponies out there you shouldn't trust and other creatures that you should. 

Hating Your Guts, 

Head Mare Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Twilight, 

I did it to spite you.  I know those two have a rough past with your shitty little town and given that they were competitors of yours, I saw a chance to shut your sorry excuse for a school down.  Just wait though, one day those creatures will rebel against you, overthrow you and take that school for themselves....especially that yak.  She is stronger than any of you and would have no problems taking you out, all of you out. 

Still Favoring Ponies, 

Chancellor Neighsay





Dear Twilight, 

Come now, we meant no harm with our university.  We were only trying to make an honest living with our school yet you are so jealous that you have to snoop around and discover things that nopony should know about.  You know, we were going to use that money to re-open the Wild Blue Yonder.  We'll be sure to tell that blue pegasus friend of yours and we know for certain she will not be happy with you. 

Sincerely, 

Flim and Flam





Flim and Flam, 

Oh please, I did Equestria a favor by exposing that diploma mill you were running.  You were making money off of MY friendship lessons.  To top that off, you two care nothing about friendship.  All you two care about is conning ponies out of their money like you always have.  If anything, you two need to come to my school and study friendship, not open your own cut rate copycat sham. 

Sincerely, 

Princess Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Princess Celestia, 

Can you believe it?  Can you believe that Flim and Flam would have the audacity to open their own friendship school?  What a bunch of assholes, trying to capitalize on something that I should have a monopoly over.  What is worse is that Neighsay gave them full accreditation when he discovered that Starswirl had been conned into studying there!  We need to do something!  We need to banish those two to the moon! 

Upset with Flim and Flam, 

Princess Twilight Sparkle 





Dear Twilight, 

While I am upset with the scam those two were running, that is not the biggest issue I have.  From what I understand, you and Starlight's squealing was heard by sweet, innocent Yona and I am not happy with the two of you.  I know you get your urges but couldn't you at least wait to release that stress until you are in your own sleeping chambers?  I just hope that Yona doesn't tell Prince Rutheford about this because that is the last thing we need, rumors regarding the head mare and guidance counselor bucking in the school. 

Disappointed in You, 

Princess Celestia