//------------------------------// // Chapter 16: Butt Have We Done? // Story: Applejack's Butt // by Vedues //------------------------------// Pinkie walked up onto a temporary stage a few minutes later, with Dash right behind her. Both wore striped shirts and carried canes, and Dash was blushing like mad. “What are they going to do?” Sketchy asked. Applejack shook her head. “I don’t rightly know, but I get the feeling it’s gonna be disturbing.” Dash looked about ready to bolt. “Don’t make me do this, Pinkie.” “No way,” Pinkie said. “You said you’d do anything to help. What kind of a friend would I be if I let you break your word?” “Just kiss already,” somepony in the crowd shouted. Pinkie laughed. “Now why would we do that? We’re here to sing you a song.” She grinned and waved her cane to Dash. A bunch of different emotions warred across Dash’s face, mostly anger and terror. “Come on, Dashie.” Pinkie nudged her with her cane. Dash sighed. “Fine.” She took a deep breath then smiled widely and called, “Say, Pinkie, there’s a stallion I like, but I just can’t think of a way to get his attention.” “Well, I can,” Pinkie said. “You can?” “Sure, just get a sexy picture of yourself drawn by Frameless Sketcher.” Dash faked a gasp. “Really, do you think that’ll work?” “Of course it will,” Pinkie said. “His art’s so good there’s only one way to describe it.” “And what’s that?” Pinkie took a big breath and began to sing. “Why it’s globular-buttical, poundica-plotical, rumpical, rearical fun!” Dash fell in with her own part, “Fleshical-orbical, flankular-bouncical?” “Right-o, that’s the one!” “Is it gluteal maximal, tushical-crackular, bunular morning till night?” “Well, your absitogladular, fanny-fantastical, tailica-swingular right!” The two of them locked hooves and began to dance while singing in unison, “It’s a plot-icalogical, autoerotical, buttical, bouncial joy, an exposular-regional, asset-a-logical, fun for girl and boy! A blush at the beakical, stare at the cheeksical, bunular joy in its call.” Pinkie grinned. “The most bunular-funular.” “Fruit-of-the-loomular,” Dash added. “Frenchical-tongular.” “Tailular-tushular.” The two of them raised their hooves to the ceiling. “Artwork of them aaalll!” They struck poses and held them. Silence filled the room. Applejack could almost hear everypony’s brains trying to process the sheer absurdity they’d just witnessed. Then something must’ve clicked, because the crowd started laughing, and cheering, and applauding like mad. “Thank you, thank you,” Pinkie called. “I hope you all enjoyed that, but seriously, Frameless Sketcher is a great artist who just moved to town, so let’s show him some Ponyville love and commission a bunch of his awesome artwork. I know your special someponies won’t be disappointed.” She winked. “Oh, and he’s also looking for a full-time model, if anypony’s interested. Now, are there any questions?” Applejack turned to Sketchy as the Q and A started. “You don’t seem near as shocked as you were the first time Pinkie and Dash sang a song about rears.” “I suppose I got used to it after the first time,” Sketchy said. “Do you really think this will help?” “Don’t worry,” Applejack said. “Nothing sticks in a pony’s head like a song, and every time they think of this one, they’ll think about your business.” “I’ll take your word for it,” Sketchy said. Pinkie and Dash walked over to Applejack after the crowd had thinned out. “Ugh,” Dash groaned, “that was the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Applejack chuckled. “Maybe so, but we do appreciate you two helping out.” “Is there anything I can do to repay you?” Sketchy asked. “Just seeing all the smiles was worth it,” Pinkie said. “Maybe for you.” Dash shuddered. “Anyway, can you arrange a time to draw me soon? I’ve got a Wonderbolts show next week, and I want to get a couple of pictures drawn and copied so I can sign them for my fans.” “You sure that’s allowed?” Applejack asked. “Spitfire said it’d be fine,” Dash said. “So do you have any openings? You know, since you’re his manager now?” “Yeah,” Pinkie said, “when did that happen?” Applejack sighed. “It was sort of an accident.” She opened a small notebook and looked through it. “Rarity’s got him scheduled to draw the spa twins later today, and we’ve got an appointment with Cloud Kicker tomorrow. We could fit you in before the twins, but it’d have to be in the next hour or so.” “Sounds good,” Dash said. “I’ll go ask Twilight if she’s available.” “Why?” Applejack asked. “I need somepony to hold me in the air while he draws me,” Dash said. “It’ll also give her a chance to talk to him about …” She glanced at Sketchy. “You know.” “Right,” Applejack grumbled, “that.” “What?” Sketchy asked. “Never mind.” Applejack shook her head. “How long do you think it’ll take you to get back to your apartment and grab your supplies?” “A few minutes,” Sketchy said. “Good,” Applejack said. “Go get ‘em. If Twi’s available, we’ll draw Dash now. If not, we can head to the spa early.” She turned to Dash. “You go ask Twi. Meet us back here.” “What about me?” Pinkie asked. Applejack stared at her. “Uh, what about you?” “It’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?” Pinkie said sagely. “Anyway, you have fun. I’ve got to get back to work!” She bounced over to the counter, still wearing her hat and shirt. “Was I supposed to understand that?” Sketchy asked. “I hope not,” Applejack said. “Because I sure didn’t.”