//------------------------------// // Twilight Gets Pantsed // Story: Not Another Equestria Girls Fic // by Admiral Biscuit //------------------------------// Twilight Gets Pantsed Admiral Biscuit Every now and then, Twilight liked to go through the mirror portal and meet her friends. It was a good chance to get in touch with them, even though it was weird when she met up with her mirror-world self. It was also her only opportunity to bond with Sunset: the former unicorn refused to return to Equestria, despite Twilight's assurances that Princess Celestia had forgiven her and wouldn’t banish her to the moon for a thousand years. Besides just seeing friends, she could justify it as satisfying her intellectual curiosity. There was a lot about life through the portal that she still wanted to learn, and it was nice to have the opportunity when there wasn't a major crisis at hoof. At hand, she reminded herself. On the other side of the mirror portal, they'd humanized familiar Equestrian expressions, which always struck her as strange. She'd finally agreed to meet with Rarity to go clothes shopping. How is that going to work anyways? she wondered. Is it like the market, but instead of farmers there are tailors and fashionistas selling their wares? Or is it an enclosed store like Barnyard Bargains? Rarity promised after shopping she'd treat Twilight and anypony—anyperson—else who wanted to join them to a snack at Doughnut Joe's, and that was another thing to look forward to. Plus, it'll be an experiment for the future: will I keep new clothes when I step through the portal into Equestria, or if not, will I be wearing them when I come through next time? “Earth to Twilight.” “Huh?” A blush crept across her cheeks. “Sorry, Rarity, I was just lost in thought for a moment there.” “I guess so,” Rarity said. “You were tugging at the hem of your skirt.” “I was?” “Mm-hmm. That eager to try on new clothes?” “I was just thinking . . . what's going to happen to my clothes when I go back to Equestria?” “You were wearing them when you went through the portal.” “Yes, I know.” I wonder what would happen to them if I took them off first? In some ways, clothes were the human replacement for fur. “And I don't have them when I arrive in Equestria.” “You're naked when you arrive in Equestria? Isn't that—“ “I'm sure I already told you that we don't normally wear clothes in Equestria.” Rarity frowned. “I think that you might have, yes. But I tried to block that from my mind, darling. It's just so gauche.” “I'll try to remember not to bring it up again.” Twilight fell silent for a moment. “Where are we going, anyways?” “The Dress Barn.” Rarity rolled her eyes at Twilight's snicker. “I assure you, it's a proper fashion store. Perhaps not the pinnacle of fashion, but quite stylish and affordable.” “I wasn't doubting your choice.” “And to be perfectly frank, I'm not sure that you're ready for something higher-end.” “Maybe next time?” Rarity nodded. “If—I assume that I'll be allowed to wear any new clothes that I choose.” “That is the idea of a clothing store.” “Right, sorry. Could you keep my old clothes, and let me know what happens to them when I go through the portal?” “You think that they might disappear?” “It's possible.” Twilight admitted. “The thaumic interface of the portal is weird, and it keeps changing as magic leaks through. I've got nearly all the large effects worked out, but there are a lot of little variables that I don't quite understand, like where Sunset got her saddlebags when she stole my crown. I don't get a new pair of saddlebags whenever I go through.” ••• Dress Barn wasn't an actual barn. In fact, it looked much like any of the other shops around it. Twilight's eyes bulged as she took in the place. There was nothing but clothing and fashion accessories as far as she could see. Even with her untrained eye, things appeared to run the gamut from functional to fashionable and everything in between. “How do you even begin?” It was like a library for clothes. “Pick out what you like.” “I don't know what I like,” Twilight admitted. “I mean, I know what I like to wear to a gala or a party or a wedding, but I'll be honest, it's kind of weird wearing clothes all the time—sorry—and a gala dress isn't exactly comfortable to wear around Ponyville.” “Well, then, we'll both go looking together,” Rarity said brightly. “I like this shirt.” “Mmm, no. That's not your size, and the color clashes with your skin.” “You know my size? How?” “Fashionista secret.” “My counterpart.” “Yes.” Rarity smiled. “That does make it easy.” Their first circuit of the store was simply reconnaissance. Rarity kept up a running commentary of why things were sorted the way that they were, and also how to identify the difference between overpriced clothes and a bargain, and Twilight soaked it all up as best she could. Not just for herself; she was sure that pony-Rarity would love to discuss it over tea. The second time around, Twilight started tentatively picking out clothes, watching Rarity for cues to see if she was making a good choice or not. It was harder to read human expressions—there were no ears or tail to watch—but she was getting better at it. Or so she thought. “No, that skirt won't do at all.” “Why not?” It was similar in color to the last one she'd picked, although a different, silkier fabric. “It's too big.” “It's the same size as the last one.” Twilight pointed to the tag. “Some manufacturers lie about the size,” Rarity said. “Trust me. You want the next size down. Or else you'll just be walking down the sidewalk and they'll start slipping down your hips and the mirror portal obviously gave you a bra and pardon me for asking—“ her voice dropped to a whisper— “it also gave you panties, I hope?” “Yes. Just plain ones, not like those fancy lace and elastic E-strings that—“ “G strings.” “Yes, those.” “I just wanted to make sure before you embarrassed yourself in the changing room.” Twilight frowned. “Embarrass myself? How? Besides that I really don't understand human fashion. I should have taken notes.” “You . . . never mind. We'll have a discussion of modesty some other time perhaps.” She sighed. “I just thought that since Sunset frequently goes without, maybe it was a pony thing.” “Well, I don't wear underwear in Equestria,” Twilight admitted. “I gathered that from the frequent mentions of being naked,” Rarity said dryly. “Well, it looks like the cart's plenty full. Time to go to the changing rooms!” “There's no way that I could ever wear this many clothes in a hundred visits.” “Of course not! You fill the cart, and then try everything on and keep the one or two outfits that most appeal to you, that's the idea.” “One or two? But we could have—“ She clamped her mouth shut. “I trust you, Rarity. If this is how it's done, this is how we'll do it.” And she did. ••• An hour later, they emerged from the changing rooms. Twilight had settled on a pair of jeans and a simple black top to wear for today, and she had also—at Rarity's insistence—purchased a summer dress with a belt that was 'just the right amount of slutty.' (She hadn't gotten the matched polar fleece pajamas, which was a shame, because they were really comfortable. Rarity insisted that you couldn't wear pajamas out in public, which was a dumb rule. It wasn’t because they didn’t cover enough, or they covered too much, it was just because they were pajamas and somehow different from pants and other shirts with buttons.) The pants she’d picked were loose on her hips, because according to Rarity she had less butt than anyone except Rainbow, but all the other ones she'd tried on had been too clingy and confining. “If I have to wear clothes, I'd rather be comfortable in them.” Rarity hadn't pushed the point further. Twilight's old clothes were securely tucked into Rarity's backpack, and if they didn't disappear, would be available for her next time she came through the mirror portal. The two of them were deep in conversation when Pinkie Pie accosted them from an alleyway. “Hey!” “Gah! I wish you wouldn't do that.” “Sorry. How did clothes shopping go? Are you ready to have doughnuts yet? Because I am, and I saw you had Dress Barn bags so I thought that you were probably done and were going to be looking for us or maybe texting us but I hadn't gotten any text messages yet so maybe you forgot.” She took a deep breath, and Rarity held up her hand before Pinkie could speak again. “Yes, we're done shopping. I was going to text everyone when we got to the store, I promise.” Pinkie nodded, then turned to Twilight. “How was it? Your very first clothes shopping trip?” “It was . . . interesting. Rarity told me that foals—children—often play dress-up.” “Yuppers!” “I think I know what that's like, now.” “Because you never did it as a pony.” “No, because we don't normally wear clothes.” “Right.” Pinkie's eyes shifted for a moment, before locking back on to Twilight's. “So you've never been pantsed.” “Pantsed?” Twilight looked down in confusion. “I'm wearing pants right now, so—“ She had just a moment to feel fingers at the waistband of her jeans, and then they slipped down her legs with practically no resistance. Rarity looked up from her cell phone just in time to see Twilight's new pants drop around her ankles and let out a shriek of horror that was piercing enough to cover both Pinkie and Rainbow's maniacal laughter. For her part, Twilight just stood there on the sidewalk in confusion, making no motion to pull her pants back up. ••• After apologies—mostly to Rarity—the four girls resumed the journey to Doughnut Joe's. Rarity was sulking, and Twilight was puzzling over what had just happened in her mind. Finally, she spoke. “Is it funny because you hobbled me?” “Huh?” “So I can't gallop—run—after you without first pulling my pants back up?” Rarity's voice was dripping venom. “It's not funny, it's mean, because everybody got a look at your panties.” “So?” “So that's just not done.” Rarity crossed her arms. “Really, you girls should grow up. It wasn't funny in middle school, and it isn't funny now.” “I'm not upset,” Twilight said. “And you don't have to be upset for me. I'm not some filly—child—who's still suckling at her—“ “Woah, TMI.” Rainbow covered her ears. “But we . . . never mind.” Twilight sighed. “I just don't understand fashion.”