//------------------------------// // Snippets #2 // Story: Just Girls Talking // by MythrilMoth //------------------------------// "So last night I started thinkin'," Rainbow Dash said. "If Princess Twilight did it with Flash and got pregnant, would their baby be a centaur?" "GAH!" Twilight Sparkle said, face paling. "Rainbow Dash!" "I did say Princess Twilight," Rainbow pointed out. "As in, not you?" "That's not what—well, actually, that also, but—" "Rainbow Dash, whatever is wrong with your brain?" Rarity wondered. "Eh, I dunno," Pinkie Pie said. "It's not the weirdest thing any of us have ever come up with. Actually, it's a pretty good question." She tilted her head. "Do they even have centaurs in Equestria?" Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes. "First of all, I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, Rainbow, so...probably not. Second, I..." She frowned. "I'm not sure, actually. I think I remember reading something about centaurs once? But it's been a long time..." Brow furrowing, she reached into her bag and pulled out the journal, writing a quick note. A few minutes later, it glowed, and Sunset read the response. Her face fell. "Ouch. Bad question to ask," she said. She hastily wrote an apology, then closed the journal and put it away. "Well?" Rainbow asked. Sunset sighed. "Apparently there are, or were, centaurs in Equestria. Or rather, from a distant kingdom outside Equestria. The only centaur known to ponykind is named Tirek, and he recently attempted to conquer Equestria and almost succeeded. She said something about him having the power to drain pony magic, and escaping Tartarus, then they fought him and put him back, but he destroyed half of Ponyville and burned down her home." She shrugged. "So yeah, I think centaurs are a sore subject for Twilight." "Ouch," Rainbow said. "Umm...yeah...forget I asked, then." * * * * * Everyone who knew Pinkie Pie had long since learned to ignore her bizarre antics. However, sometimes Pinkie Pie was too random to ignore. "What's she doing?" Twilight Sparkle wondered. Most of Pinkie's friends were gathered on the back steps of the school, watching Pinkie Pie roll giant signage letters around the school track. She'd roll one letter for a while, let it drop somewhere, step back, tilt her head, then either move it some more or disappear for a few minutes and return with another large letter, repeating the process. "Is she working on something for Principal Celestia?" Rarity wondered. "Ah don't think so," Applejack said. "She don't seem ta be spellin' nothin'." "Girls?" Principal Celestia asked from behind the group. "What is Pinkie Pie doing on the track?" At that moment, Pinkie began pushing a cart loaded with three Es and two As down the track. "Looks like she's having a vowel movement," Sunset Shimmer said. Everyone stared at her. One of the Es fell off Pinkie's cart. Celestia rolled her eyes and went back inside without comment. * * * * * Sunset Shimmer couldn't sleep. It was late Friday night. Since Thursday evening, she'd been dealing with menstrual symptoms, ultimately leading her to forego an outing with her friends. All day Friday, she'd been suffering through cramps—not the worst cramps in the world, but still pretty bad—and bloating, and had spent the day curled up in bed with her heating pad, doped up on Dammitol and drifting in and out of a fitful sleep. Now it was half past midnight, and Sunset was wide awake. Her entire body was stiff and sore from lying in bed all day, so she got up and went to the bathroom, then padded around her apartment. She had thought of checking her e-mail or reading some of the books piling up in her digital library, but she dismissed those ideas fairly quickly as her eyes were puffy and bleary. Instead, she went to the freezer, grabbed a carton of chocolate covered cherry ice cream, plopped down on the couch, and turned on the television, keeping the volume low and flicking through the channels. She opted not to bother with the program guide or even pay attention to the info boxes that popped up, instead resorting to the refuge of the truly bored and listless: blind channel-surfing. Because she generally kept herself busy during the day and believed in a proper eight hours of sleep at night, Sunset had very little experience with late night television. She assumed it was more or less the same as daytime and primetime television. "Stop having a boring pussy! Try Vajujubeast for thirty days! If you're not satisfied, keep it and get your money back!" Apparently, she was very, very wrong. The screen showed two women excitedly applying rhinestones to their private areas with what looked like a cross between a label maker and a hot glue gun, while a guy wearing a headset gesticulated animatedly behind them while waving around the product in question and extolling the virtues of pasting plastic jewels to your crotch. "What...the..." Sunset could only stare in horror as the commercial went on and on and on. When the commercial finally ended, it was followed by several promos for bad, low-budget horror movies of the type Rainbow Dash was a fan of. The channel's late night movie returned, a grainy, older film full of explosions and smoke and screaming. It was a subtitled foreign film; a rubber suit monster that looked like a bipedal elephant with an upraised, erect, extremely phallic trunk was stomping through a cheap cardboard set. Occasionally, it would trumpet loudly and spray fire from its trunk. This would cut to Neighponese people running around in a panic, and somebody screaming at the top of their lungs. The subtitles said "Dongzilla!", but Sunset's ears were sharp enough to pick up that they were actually saying "Chinkozo!", which she guessed was probably Neighponese for "Dongzilla." Shaking her head, she changed the channel. "Diet Dogs: The Leaner Wiener!" a cheerful voice proclaimed. The commercial faded. "And now back to the Late Late Movie: Queer For My Horses, on Throwback!" Sunset wrinkled her nose as a scene played out of a cowboy lovingly fondling a stallion's mane while giving the poor beast the moon eyes. "Why can't Ah quit you?" the cowboy asked the horse. Sunset shuddered and changed the channel again. She was immediately blinded by a bright strobe from the TV. "Gah!" "—with an attack strobe to stun attackers. This flashlight is so durable it can withstand being run over by a tank and so bright it can be seen from a helicopter!" Sunset rubbed her eyes, which watered and stung and had black spots dancing in them. "Why would they even show it doing that?" she moaned. By the time she could see again, the commercial had ended, and the programming—a late-night music video block—kicked in. A bunch of heavily made-up rockers with huge, feathered hair were dancing around on the screen wearing costumes made of badly clashing animal prints. The little popup in the corner of the screen identified the band and video as: Dixnot "Cum On Over (Again and Again)" Sunset groaned. She was just about to change the channel again when the video suddenly froze. Frowning, she pressed the button to change the channel on the remote. The screen went black. The infobox for the next channel came up. Then the screen stayed black. After thirty seconds, the screen turned gray, and informed her that the channel was not available. Sunset frowned and hit 'Guide', then started picking channels at random. Nothing was working. "Great," she muttered. "An outage." Shaking her head, she picked up her phone. When she input her lock code, a notification was waiting for her: WiFi not available Sunset frowned. Grunting, she got up from her comfortable spot and headed over to where her router lived. She leaned down and checked it. Lights were blinking that should not be blinking. "Great," Sunset muttered. Shaking her head, she opened her contacts and quick-dialed the cable company. //Welcome! Canterlot Cable is now Prism. For quality assurance, this call may be monitored.// Sunset suffered through the menu of options, then said, "My internet's not working." //Got it. One second while I pull up your technical support information.// A pause. //We've received reports of an outage in your area affecting cable TV, internet, and phone service. Our technicians are working to fix the problem as quickly as possible—// Sunset disconnected the call and sighed. "Great," she groaned. "Can't sleep, no Internet, no TV." She considered using her mobile data to watch EweTube or something, but her eyes were still feeling pretty cruddy and that was an awful strain—not to mention, it would burn through her data and it was only the sixth day of the month. She flopped back down on the couch, massaging the bridge of her nose and glaring at the unresponsive television. "This sucks..." * * * * * "Oh, dudes, did you see it?" Rainbow asked suddenly. "Goku going Ultra Instinct is so awesome! Man, he just gets cooler and cooler and more awesome and kickass all the time!" "Oy, DBZ," Pinkie groaned, rolling her eyes. "It's just...the same thing over and over again. How do you not get tired of it?" "Because it's awesome!" Rainbow retorted. "And it's actually Dragon Ball Super right now?" She jumped up and started doing poses. "KAMEHAMEHA!" "Yeah, I'm gonna be honest?" Sunset said. "Vegeta's the best character, hands down. I...don't really think Goku's all that cool. Actually, he's pretty lame." "Lame?!" Rainbow cried. "What th—Goku is awesome and kicks everybody's butt all the time! He always gets stronger and always wins and saves the day! How can you say he's lame?!" "Uh, because he doesn't lose ever?" Sunset pointed out. "He's always pulling some new trick out of his butt to win fights he shouldn't be able to win. It was cool back when it was just Super Saiyan, but now it's just...he's always getting some stupid new upgrade to make him hit harder and it's always Goku who gets it first just because he's the hero, and...honestly? For being the 'hero', he really kind of isn't." Rainbow pulled a face. "Oh god, you're not gonna start in on the whole 'the Tournament of Power is his fault' thing, are you?" "No, because that's explained right in the show," Sunset said. "No, my problem with Goku is that he's a selfish, thoughtless jerk who only cares about finding his next fight." "She's got a point," Twilight said. "Sunset loaned me the entire manga over winter break. It's not the kind of thing I normally read? But I got into it because of the clever wordplay, the humor, and the characters. And honestly? Goku kinda doesn't think about anything but himself." Rainbow stared at them, jaw agape. "Wha—BULLSHIT!" she roared. "He's always saving the world and the universe over and over again! He takes down every big baddie that comes along to kill everyone! How can you say he—" Sunset held up a hand. "Rainbow," she said patiently. "What does Goku do when he's not fighting?" Rainbow frowned. "Eating, mostly," she said. "Or training. Or..." She bit her lip. "Well, he's a farmer, right? I mean, he does farm stuff." "His wife makes him do farm stuff," Sunset pointed out. "And if he suddenly decides he wants to do something else, he just leaves right in the middle of the harvest." Rainbow held up a finger, then paused. "Uhh..." Her brow furrowed. "Okay, yeah, he did that...like...once or twice..." "I think the point Sunset's trying to make is that Goku's motivations for fighting almost never have anything to do with saving the world," Twilight said. "To him, saving the world comes after fighting a strong opponent." "But...no!" Rainbow said. "I mean, he fought Nappa and Vegeta to save the world, and he went to Namek to rescue his friends and get the Dragon Balls, and—!" "Cell," Sunset pointed out. "Buu. Beerus. Zamasu. How many times has Goku screwed things up just because he wanted a good fight?" Rainbow fell silent. "And when he's not in the middle of some fight, he complains about having to do chores. He doesn't really make time for his family," Sunset said. "Now, look at Vegeta. He started off as a big murdering jerk, but later on he settled down and became a devoted husband and father. He still fights and he still loves a challenge and he still trains and he's still Vegeta, but he cares more about keeping the people he loves safe than he cares about fighting strong opponents. Goku...doesn't." Rainbow looked like she was about to cry. "But..." Her lip trembled. "But Goku's the ultimate good guy! He..." She faltered. "He..." She worried with her wristbands. "You gotta be wrong, you gotta be missin' somethin'..." Sunset sighed, hating herself for it, but she played her final trump card. "I can prove Vegeta is more of a hero that Goku is with three words." She took a deep breath. "Fun Time Bingo." Pinkie blinked. "Huh?" Twilight fought a snicker. "S-sorry," she said. "That...that scene was so..." Rainbow, on the other hand, hung her head in defeat. "Dammit, you win," she said. "You're right. Vegeta...he'll do anything for the people he cares about." She sniffled. "I guess...maybe Goku's just a fight nut...who just happens to save the world a lot..." "Look, just because Goku isn't heroic, it doesn't mean he isn't a hero," Twilight said gently. "He is. It's just...he's a terrible person. I mean, where it counts. Anything that doesn't have to do with fighting, he just...can't be bothered with it." Rainbow grimaced. "Yeah...I see your point." She visibly deflated. "Wow, that takes a lot of the fun out of it..." "Aww, we're not trying to take the fun out of it, Rainbow," Sunset said soothingly. "Sorry if..." She bit her lip. "Wow, these fan debates never go anywhere good, do they?" "They really, really don't," Pinkie Pie said. "Hey, who's up for some Teen Titans Go?" And that's how Canterlot High was unmade...