Celestia descends the stairs, Luna and Twilight following her closely behind. The latter two appear to be just finishing up their own conversation concerning the Crystal Empire. Twilight appears somber, likely having learned of Sombra’s fate herself.
“As you can see, that is why we have kept his existence, as well as that of the empire itself, a closely kept secret,” Luna continues as the three of them reach the ground level. “The climes are utterly inhospitable to pony life, and it is possible there are still remnants of the undead lurking about.”
“I understand. If it’s that dangerous, you wouldn’t want ponies poking about,” Twilight agrees with a small nod of her head. The three of them return to their cushions near me, their conversation dying down. Twilight glances at me, picking up on the change in my demeanor instantly. “Is everything alright?”
Celestia remains silent at first, but when it becomes clear that I’m not going to answer, she does so instead. “We are fine, Twilight. Seth is simply...taking the news about his quest rather hard,” she explains softly. “I assume my sister told you what happened?”
“She did. I feel bad for Seth, but there was really nothing else you could have done. Someone like him needed to be defeated,” Twilight replies, the mare looking at me with sympathy, which causes me to silently seethe. “Though this means we won’t get any answers; King Sombra must have had some reason for bringing him to our era…”
“It doesn’t matter,” I snap suddenly, causing Twilight to recoil. “He’s gone, and I’m still here. There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“I’m sorry…” Twilight attempts to express, but that only makes me angrier.
“You’re sorry!?” My eyes snap to hers, and she shrinks back, her ears folding back. If I thought that I’d known rage back when I was hunting Sombra, it was nothing compared to how I feel now. Yet, as quickly as it arrives, it ebbs, leaving me emptier than I ever thought I could feel. “I don’t need your sympathy or your help. I’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time.”
“That’s not true,” Twilight attempts to reassure me, but Luna cuts across her before our conversation can go any further.
“Are we finished, sister? We cannot stay in Ponyville for long; we tire, and the Day Court no doubt desires your presence,” Luna questions Celestia with a hint of impatience coloring her words. “We have yet to resolve the most important issue; what to do with the human.”
“I believe I have come to a decision regarding such,” Celestia answers, the princess sighing. She turns to Luna and gazes at her seriously. “I understand you believe humanity is a threat due to their colorful history. Yet I also believe that if Seth intended to hurt anypony, he had plenty of opportunities to do so before our arrival.”
“You cannot mean to leave him here, especially after he professed his intent to murder another living pony!” Luna insists, catching on to Celestia’s intentions. I remain silent during their exchange. ”Sister, we must take him back to Canterlot with us.”
“You would do the same as him if something were to happen to me,” Celestia returns with a firm stare. Luna flinches, but doesn’t reply, suggesting that there was some truth to her sister’s statement. “Luna, the last thing he needs is to be isolated in the castle, surrounded by ponies that will only seek to gawk at or study him. He needs the kindness and friendship that I know Twilight and her friends can offer him.”
I let out an incredulous scoff at that, but the conversation continues.
“What then, do you suggest we do?” Luna demands. Celestia doesn’t answer her directly, choosing instead to address Twilight.
“Twilight, it was you who brought him to my attention. Therefore, I would like to make him your responsibility,” Celestia decides. Twilight blinks, looking between Celestia and me with surprise. “Make sure he is adjusting to our era, and teach him what it means to live in Equestria. He will need all the help he can get.”
“You want me to look after him?” Twilight gasps. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m willing, but...Seth, are you alright with this? We haven’t really asked you for your opinion on this.”
“Do whatever you want. I don’t care,” is my simplistic sounding response. The three mares exchange glances, unsure what to make of that. “If we’re done here, I need to go to work.”
“We do not like this. We insist that you at least increase the presence of the guard in this town, in case the worst should occur,” Luna presses, turning to her sister.
“I suppose that is a reasonable compromise. We can discuss precisely which measures to take once we return to Canterlot,” Celestia finally acquiesces. She rises from her cushion and moves towards the door, as does Luna. “It is time we take our leave. As much as I would like to stay, duty calls.”
“Will I be able to see you again soon?” Twilight asks wistfully, the mare looking rather down. Celestia smiles and cranes her head down to nuzzle her student lovingly.
“I will do my best to find some time for us, my dearest Twilight,” Celestia promises, which cheers Twilight up slightly. Then, as Luna opens the door with her magic, Celestia turns to me one last time. “Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your loss, Seth. Regardless, it was good to meet you. Feel free to send me a letter if you ever need anything.”
Celestia remains still, waiting for a reply from me. When it becomes clear that I’m not going to give one, she frowns. She joins Luna and the two of them exit the library through the front door. Twilight follows them out, with me following her close behind.
The morning sun is already rising, bathing the town in a soft orange light. Despite the light, there’s no warmth to be felt in the wintry air. It won’t be long before the town will come alive with ponies starting their day.
Celestia and Luna climb into their respective chariots, and at their command, their guards work together to wheel the chariots around and break into a run. Twilight watches as the chariots take off into the sky, their departure just as much of a spectacle as their arrival. As they get further away, the heavy feeling in the air dissipates. As for me, I’ve no further reason to be here.
“Seth, are you going to work already? Have you eaten yet?” Twilight calls out to me when she notices me walking away. She rushes forward to catch up with me, and then she follows along behind me. “I know a place that serves really good pancakes, if you want to…”
“I’ve already eaten.” I turn her down without letting her finish, or even slowing down.
“Oh…” Twilight slows down to a stop after hearing that, a sad frown forming on her face. She tries once more. “Will you be coming by again this evening to visit me? I’d be glad to have you.”
Without saying a word, I continue forward and turn the corner into the next street, leaving Twilight and her library behind.
Applejack meets me out in front of the barn not long after I arrive on the farm, a green striped scarf wrapped around her neck to help keep her warm. I’m a little later than usual; she’s already pulled out the cart and filled it with empty baskets. She tips her hat in greeting.
“Mornin’, Seth! Y’all ready for another day?” Applejack sounds as cheerful as ever, a smile brightening her rustic features. “I already took Apple Bloom to school, so I’m all set!"
“Let’s go, then,” I reply simply. I fall in step beside her as she ducks beneath the bar and starts to pull the cart over to the apple orchard. As my worn shoes plod on the dirt, my thoughts take over once more, and I can’t help but gaze at Applejack with a hint of resentment. After a moment of silence, I decide to ask her. “Applejack, do you enjoy your work?”
“You mean here on the farm? Darn tootin!” Applejack answers enthusiastically as we walk. Asking that one question appears to have opened the floodgates, as Applejack proceeds to explain. “ It’s hard and long work, but I find it invigorating and refreshing. Not to mention, what we do is important to the whole town!”
“How so?” I press.
“Y’all are new in town, so you probably don’t know, but Sweet Apple Acres has been around ever since Ponyville was founded all them long years ago. We’re the reason the town is still around!” Applejack proclaimed proudly. She doesn’t seem to have any qualms about spilling her feelings to me. “When I work, I get to talk to all them ponies of Ponyville and get ‘em what they need. It makes me feel like this really is home, ya know? Y’ever have a feeling like that?”
“Not anymore,” I reply despondently. The resentment I feel towards her solidifies. It must be nice for her to live life doing what she enjoys, surrounded by her family and friends. It must be nice to feel like you have a home and a purpose. I bite my lip until blood flows, hopelessness and despair filling me up inside. When I notice Applejack looking at me with worry in her eyes, I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just thinking.”
“You sure you’re alright?” Applejack asks with concern as we reach the first tree. I don’t reply at first, choosing to begin arranging the baskets as needed. “Seth…?”
“I’m fine. Where do you want this basket?” I question her, lifting another one from the cart. Applejack gazes at me for several seconds, and then she joins in, our work day beginning.
Time ticks by excruciatingly slowly. The minutes feel like hours, and the hours feel like days. Between the cold air chilling my skin and the effort necessary to bend down, push, and lift the filled baskets onto the carts, I find myself tiring swiftly. Each basket seems to weigh more than the last and each tree seems to be further away than the last.
As the sun starts to move past its zenith, I start to slow down. I know that Applejack has already noticed; I can see the worried glances she keeps giving me when she thinks I’m not looking. My body feels heavy. Each step seems to require a tremendous effort, and just lifting a single basket causes every muscle in my body to scream out with agony. I can feel my legs starting to wobble like month old jelly.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Applejack finally says as I shakingly lift another basket. They feel so heavy to my exhausted arms; I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth just to bear the weight. I don’t understand why this is so hard. “Put that down, and let’s take a rest.”
“I don’t...need...,” I grunt, straining to lift it up to the cart. The cart is nearly full, so I have to lift the basket even higher than normal. I don’t need to rest. I’ve made it through the past two days without resting much. Today should be no different. Even as I reason this to myself, I feel a sudden onset of dizziness, and then my legs give out. I fall to the ground hard, the full basket landing on its side and spilling the apples everywhere.
“Seth, are you alright!?” Applejack says with alarm, the mare setting her own basket down and rushing to my side. I’m already struggling to get up, but my limbs feel like rubber bands and won’t support my weight. “I knew it. I knew y’all were pushing yourself too hard. Hold on.”
Applejack produces one of the canteens of water that we typically carry with us and moves over to me with it. She hooks her two front hooves beneath me and attempts to gently flip me over on my back. Applejack possesses a tangible strength that I’m only just now experiencing for myself. I don’t have the energy to resist her.
When she offers me the canteen, I turn it away with my hand, attempting to rise at the same time. “I’ll be fine. I can keep working,” I pant heavily, despite the clear evidence to the contrary. “Just give me...a moment to...catch my breath.”
“Don’t be silly; I know what exhaustion looks like,” Applejack retorted, pressing me back down to the ground with a hoof. She sets the canteen down beside me, just within reach of my right hand. “You lay down there by the cart and drink some water; you’ll feel better.”
Despite my stubbornness, the thought of cool water proves too enticing to ignore. I lift the canteen to my lips with a trembling hand and gulp down my fill, nearly draining the container dry. As I do so, I’m overly conscious of Applejack gazing at me with concern in her eyes. I grit my teeth and set the canteen down hard.
“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” Applejack suddenly offers, causing me to look at her in surprise. “Rest up and take care of yourself for an evening.”
“I promised I’d see you through to the end of harvest,” I remind her in a dull voice, making no attempt to move. “I’ll be fine in a few minutes.”
“Seth, you’re new to this kind of work; said so yourself. You ain’t got the muscle for it,” Applejack reasons with me, her words blunt and to the point. “That comes with time; certainly not overnight.”
“Are you going to tell me I can’t work here anymore?” I ask in the same dull manner as before, unable to bring myself to argue back. I need this money in order to continue living in this town, but I don’t feel any of that desperation I once did when I was first faced with losing my job.
“What? No, I ain’t firing you. I’m just sayin’ that if we wanna make this work, we gotta put some thought into it,” Applejack answered, looking at me with an odd expression that I can’t quite place. “Why don’t we try mixin’ up your tasks throughout the day? Start small, work your way up to that muscle y’all need...but then again, you said you were skippin’ town soon, right?“
“I was. But now it seems like I’m stuck here for good,” I reply, much to Applejack’s surprise. Just saying that causes a rush of despair to flow through me. I’ve been telling these ponies over and over again to stop trying to be friendly, using my impending departure as an excuse. I don’t have that anymore. How will I be able to get them to back off now without making an enemy of the whole town? I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but humans were easy; all it took was one firm comment and they’d never bother me again. “Just do what you’re going to do. I’ll go along with whatever you come up with.”
“If you’re sure, I guess,” Applejack seems like she wants to ask me more, but thankfully chooses not to. She puts on what I think it supposed to be a reassuring smile. “Well, it ain’t all bad. There’s worse places to be stuck in Equestria.”
“If you say so,” is my uncaring response. Some semblance of strength is returning to me, so I brace myself on the cart and rise to my feet. My entire body is afflicted with a soreness that seems to sink into my very bones; I can’t fathom how I never noticed that it had become this bad before. “What do I do next?”
“You go home and get some rest. I meant what I said before,” Applejack repeats, giving me a stare. “Your legs look wobblier than a fresh can of zap apple jam.”
“But…”
“No buts, Seth. If you don’t go home and rest right now, I’mma truss you up in some rope and drag you,” Applejack insists with a tone that brooked no nonsense. I hesitate, still feeling the obligation to finish out the rest of the day. “Go on, git. I’ll bundle in today’s pay with tomorrow’s when I see ya tomorrow.”
It’s clear she’s not willing to budge on this, so I do as I’m told. Without a word, I turn and walk back towards the entrance to the farm, wincing in pain with every step.
~
Without having to work at Applejack’s for the rest of the day, I have several hours left before the gig with Vinyl and no clear plan on how to spend them. It doesn’t take me very long to determine that Vinyl’s house is the last place I want to be right now. All she would do is ask me questions that I’m not in any state to answer.
As I re-enter town, I recall that Rarity asked me to meet with her sometime today to see the clothes that she’s made for me. The chill on my skin serves as a strong argument towards handling that sooner rather later. Despite the logic present in that decision, I bypass the street that leads to her boutique entirely.
Without any destination in mind, I plod through the town, hardly ever taking my eyes off of the ground. I’m vaguely aware of the ponies around me, some of them turning their heads as I pass. I pointedly keep from looking at them. Just a glance at their unfamiliar, alien appearance is enough to make me remember just how out of place I am; a stranger in a world that no longer belongs to him.
Rainbow Dash and the weather team flies overhead, clearing away any leftover clouds in the sky as though such a fantastical task were routine. A group of mares pass by me, laughing and talking about their experiences at the town’s spa, while a pair of stallions near the side of the street watch them, commenting on their figure in hushed voices. Pinkie Pie bounces by through the street, greeting each and every pony she comes across by name, and even sparing one for me as she passes by.
Unable to bear the atmosphere, I promptly turn off the street and make a beeline for the edge of town. I’ve felt like this many times before, but it’s never been to this extent. Being alone in a crowd is nothing new to me; before meeting Amaryllis, this is what my every day was like. Yet this time it feels so much worse; this time, I can’t just pick up the phone and call Amaryllis, nor can I drown myself in music, books, or games. I am completely alone.
Before I realize it, the sounds of the town gives way to the hypnotic flowing of the river, and the crunching of pavement beneath my feet gives away to the rustling of grass. Looking up, I find myself walking along the river’s edge outside of the town. Across the wide river rises the twisted and gnarled trees of the Everfree Forest. I wince and keep my eyes forward, memories of the undead and the wooden wolves filling my mind.
I don’t know for how long I walk. Sticking to the river’s edge, I come across a large copse of oak and hickory trees. I bypass it and keep walking, using a small strip of damp riverbank between the copse and the river. As I walk, the terrain starts to rise on a steady incline. The riverbank becomes a cliff, and then eventually a gorge. In the distance I can see a railroad trestle that crosses the ravine.
Panting with the exertion and wincing from the soreness of my overworked muscles, I finally come to a stop. My breath is taken away by the sheer size of the gorge stretching out before me. It appears to be scores of meters deep, with the rushing river far below looking like a ribbon of blue and white. The ravine itself snakes its way into the distance and out of sight. Looking back, I can hardly see Ponyville at all.
I know I’ll have to go back eventually for Vinyl’s gig. The idea doesn’t appeal to me, but I gave my word. Even that obligation, however, feels trite to me. The whole point of making it was to help gather money for my expedition north...the one there’s no point in making now.
I sit down on the very edge of the ravine, my legs dangling over the lip into midair. The air is cold, but there’s no wind. I am alone, but the world is far from silent. From the forest nearby I hear the singing of the birds and the rustling of animals in the undergrowth. I can hear the cries of birds of prey that soar through the gorge, and even the faint rushing of the river far down below. It’s calming, but it does nothing to sweep away the strong sense of solitude I feel.
Vinyl glances up from the couch as I enter her house. All of her equipment looks to be all packed up and ready to go in the cart by the door. “Dude, where have you been? You’re like half an hour late,” she addresses me with some concern evident in her voice.
“I just lost track of time,” I reply curtly, shuddering as I get used to the warm interior of her house. Vinyl seems less than satisfied with that explanation, but she comes to join me as I move to the cart. “You won’t be late for your gig, will you?”
“Not if we get moving. I give myself plenty of time to set up,” Vinyl answers while we work on getting the cart out the door. “How did you miss it when the bell tolled six? The clock tower is pretty loud.”
“I went for a walk,” I answer, just as curtly as before. Vinyl raises an eyebrow at that, but doesn’t press any further.
“Awright, let’s get to it. Just your typical gig tonight; no Pinkie. There’s this place on the outer edge of town…” As we push the cart, Vinyl gives me the details of her next gig. Most of them mean nothing to me; not even the thought of a musical performance is enough to stir my emotions from the pit in which they reside.
The night passes much like I thought it would. Vinyl has me doing much the same as I did at Pinkie’s party; unfurling the cables, untangling them if necessary, and carrying that which is too heavy for her to feasibly carry by herself.
Yet, the work is torturous for my exhausted body. Just a few minutes of work has my muscles burning, my limbs shaking, and my chest heaving. Vinyl of course notices, and like Applejack, offers to give me a rest. Unlike Applejack, I manage to convince her otherwise and finish the job I was given. Unfortunately, the result of my stubbornness has me lying in a deep sleep in the most secluded corner I can find for the entirety of Vinyl’s show. She has to come find and wake me up at the end so the two of us can start cleaning up.
“By the way, how did your meeting with the princesses go?” Vinyl asked as we were finishing up. I pause, but only briefly. It’s not surprising that she’d be curious about them.
“They were...interesting,” is my rather undescriptive response. I have to suppress the bitter scowl that threatens to show on my face upon remembering the meeting with the princesses. Noting the unsatisfied look oon Vinyl’s face, I decide to give her just enough to assuage her curiosity. “They wanted to make sure I was acclimating well, and to tell me that I was welcome here.”
“See? I said you’d have nothing to worry about,” Vinyl says with a grin, nudging me. That seems to have satisfied her so I fall silent again and focus on moving the cart.
“Morning, Seth! How are you feeling?” Applejack greets me the next morning out in front of the barn. I find it hard to answer at first; my body feels worse than ever. My muscles feel weak and heavy, and they relentlessly pulse with waves of pain. I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and suffer in solitude, but I forced myself into motion regardless. “You don’t look so great. Do you need some more rest?”
“I’m not going to skip out on you twice,” I tell her stubbornly, even as I bite back a whimper of pain. The thought of going through the entire day like this almost makes me want to give up right now. “Just...tell me what you need me to do.”
“You got it, partner. But if you collapse again, I’m sending you home, you hear?” Applejack warns me. She goes on to detail my tasks for the day without waiting for my answer. “Now, like I said yesterday, I’m gonna start you small and work your way up, if we’re gonna build up your muscle. I can probably give you some chores to do around the farm for now; I bet Apple Bloom would like coming home to no chores! Come with me, I’ll show you what’s what.”
Wordlessly, I fall into step behind her, wincing as every step sends a bolt of pain up my legs. She leads me to her little sister, and my work day begins. Just like she promised, I’m given menial tasks such as washing and folding laundry, repainting various walls and constructs where they may have faded, and even the dishes from yesterday’s dinner.
Even though I know these are chores a child could complete, I’m grateful for the chance to take a break from heavy lifting. The downside of handling chores inside where it’s warm is that Granny Smith is often inside as well, and if there’s anything she likes to do, it’s talk. Despite my lack of any meaningful responses, she seems more than happy to prattle on by herself as long as I’m there to listen.
Lunch comes as a welcome respite, but it also means that Applejack and Big MacIntosh join us in the kitchen. This turns out to be a blessing in disguise; once Applejack starts a conversation with Granny Smith, it means none of them are focusing on me.
At some point during the meal, the conversation turns to the topic of an event called the Grand Galloping Gala. I don’t pay that much attention until Apple Bloom mentions that her sister looked “beautiful in one of miss Rarity’s dresses!”
“Shucks, sis, it was too frilly for my tastes,” Applejack remarks, brushing her mane uncomfortably. She’s all too quick to change the subject. “Oh yeah, that reminds me. Seth, Rarity told me she’s been looking for you. She said something about giving you clothes?”
“Right,” I acknowledge simply. For some reason, Apple Bloom starts snickering, only to get hastily hushed by her sister. “I’ll go to her soon. Thanks for the reminder.”
“No problem, sugarcube,” Applejack replies, satisfied. That random nickname causes me to glance at her oddly, but I don’t ask about it, finding that to be too much effort. “Oh yeah, and I’m thinking about asking Rainbow Dash back over tomorrow. That alright with you?”
“I don’t see why you need to ask me for permission. You’re the boss.” As much as the idea of having to meet with Rainbow again causes my mood to sink even further, I can’t muster up the desire to argue about it. “I won’t make an issue out of it. Do you need her to demolish something else?”
“Nah, this time I got some stuff that only a pegasus can do. I just thought I’d let you know beforehoof,” Applejack answers. That seems rather vague to me, but it’s not really my business, so I let the conversation end there.
Before long, we finish our lunch and return to work.
Clutching my pay from the day’s work, I leave Sweet Apple Acres behind and return to town, the sun already starting to set. This may be one of the first evenings where I’ve nothing pressing to do, and I don’t know how to spend it. Applejack reminded me of my arrangement with Rarity, but the idea of associating with any of these ponies when I don’t need to doesn’t appeal me.
On my way back to Vinyl’s house, I have to pass through the town square, which is full of ponies milling about, packing up their market stalls for the day or walking home before the sun completely disappears. Yet it quickly becomes clear that passing through such a well traveled area is a poor idea on my part.
“Oh hey, Seth!”
I stop in my tracks as a familiar mint green unicorn calls to me from a bench over by the fountain. Lyra and her seemingly ever present friend, Bon Bon, are sitting together on the bench. I’m uncertain what the acceptable amount of personal space is for ponies, but they’re awfully close to one another.
When Lyra sees me, she leaps down from the bench and waves to me with a bright smile. Bon Bon just gives me an askance look and a roll of her eyes, clearly unhappy to see me. Either way, I don’t want to deal with any of them. I haven’t forgotten Lyra’s disgusting interest, and I’m not about to encourage it with my presence.
Lyra’s smile drops immediately when I turn on the spot, heading back the way I came without sparing her a look or even an acknowledgment in return.
“Seth, please, I was just playing before!” Lyra calls after me, audibly upset.
Despite her cries, I continue on my way. I’m beginning to understand that no matter what I do, these ponies will never leave me alone. I don’t know if it’s some form of herd mentality or just sheer nosiness, but I do know that it’s becoming extremely hard to keep my patience. I don’t understand why they can’t just pass me by, like to what I’m used.
Before I realize it, my feet are taking me on a familiar path out of town. The idea of solitude appeals to me greatly, so I consciously speed up my pace until I leave Ponyville behind and make my way back to the gorge I sat at before.
I sigh with a dull satisfaction as I sit down at the edge of the gorge, in the same spot as before, and stare down at the rocky riverbed far below. Seeing the rapid white frothy water race past the sharp rocks below is mesmerizing and awe-inspiring.
It isn’t long before I find myself reflecting. I can still remember it so clearly; walking through the park with Amaryllis, enjoying our short time together and planning for my future. The life that I’d hated for so long was just starting to become more bearable with her around, and my relationship with my family was finally starting to mend…
I slam my fist onto the ground with rage fueled by helplessness. All of them are dead now. Celestia was right about one thing: so many people were murdered by Sombra, but that’s more or less just a number to me. But Amaryllis and my family…
A choking sob leaves my throat, my eyes stinging with forming liquid. The fact that they’re gone sits in the middle of my chest like a ten ton weight that I can’t dislodge. All I can think about is that I want to see them again. I would give or do anything to be able to see them again. Even if it were just Amaryllis...she’d know what to do. She’d know how to handle this completely hopeless situation.
There’s nowhere for my anger and despair to go anymore, so it all turns inward. I continue to impact the ground with my fist until my knuckles bleed, shouting wordlessly with raw emotion. I could take it as long as I had the goal of going after Sombra. At least then, I could hold someone responsible for this. At least then, I could seek vengeance upon him, to whatever end that may have brought. But this…
If I had just watched where I was going...if I’d just walked right past him and out that door, maybe this all would have never happened. Maybe I could have died with Amaryllis and my family. Even that would be better than this ridiculous magical pastel-colored pony hell. To hell with them…walking around with their families and their friends, happy and oblivious. How dare they think they could understand how this feels? Maybe if their entire village were to be wiped off the map...then...maybe then they could understand!
My train of thought is suddenly interrupted by the sudden return of that strange pressure in my chest. It’s much more intense than usual, to the point where it’s difficult to dismiss as my body’s physical representation of my emotion. I cough and choke, thumping a fist to my chest in a vain attempt to alleviate the pressure. It feels like something frigid and dark is coursing through my veins, and my eyes start to burn, my vision slightly distorting.
After several minutes of fighting that feeling, it dies down, leaving me a frightened and panting mess on top of the ridge. My mind races with confusion and terror, and I can’t help but gaze down at my chest.
“What the hell was that!?”
“You’re back late,” Vinyl comments from her position on her couch as I walk in through the front door. She shifts in her seat to look at me when I don’t answer. “You look cold, dude. You thought about using some of your extra money to get some warm clothes?”
“I’ll get around to it,” I acknowledge her, moving towards the kitchen. It looks like Vinyl has already eaten, judging from the mess on the counter and the dishes in the sink. Additionally, there’s a plateful of salad wrapped in plastic sitting on the table. “Is this for me?”
“Yup! I figured you were busy, so I threw together something simple,” Vinyl replied lazily from the couch. I hear the sound of turning pages, suggesting that she’s passing the time by reading a book or a magazine. I’ll assume the latter; Vinyl doesn’t seem like the bookish sort. I unwrap the plastic and force the dry leaves down despite my lack of appetite “By the way, it looks like I’m gonna have another gig on Friday. So not tomorrow, but the next day.”
“Okay,” I acknowledge her simply. For the first time, I have a general idea what day it is. The days have been blending together, each seeming to take an age to pass, so it wasn’t hard for me to lose track of time. I find it odd that ponies use the same naming convention we do, considering it has its origin in both ancient Babylonian and Norse culture. I don’t think too hard about it, though. The mystery behind the pony’s evolution and adoption of human culture doesn’t interest me as much as it first did. I finish the rest of my meal and wash it down, and then I head for the stairs. “I’m going to bed.”
I vaguely hear Vinyl acknowledging me before I shut myself in my room. After setting my pay down with the rest of my meagre savings in the drawer of my desk, I sit down on my bed and press a hand to my chest, recalling the strange feeling I’d experienced out there on the cliff.
It’s not as though that was the first time I’d felt such a pressure. It’s been happening more and more every since I arrived in this era, but I’d always thought it was just a result of my own fear and anger. It’s not unheard of for people to experience strange physical feelings in conjunction to their emotional state. Yet that seemed so intense and so frightening that that theory seems less plausible.
A thought suddenly occurs to me. Considering the location of the strange pressure, I can’t help but remember the video I’d seen in the school, where Sombra’s spell had entered the same place. That can’t be the reason, however. According to what I’ve seen as well as my presence in this time, that was a spell (specified in the singular by Sombra himself) designed to bring me to this era.
Perhaps the magic he used is having some kind of adverse effect on my body. Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that this is an entirely different environment. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten sick by now; ponies could be carriers for any number of illnesses to which humans aren’t accustomed.
I undress myself and lay down on the bed. A sensible next step would be to see a pony doctor, but I doubt I would be able to afford the bills; I don’t know if ponies have health insurance, but I do know that I don’t have any. More importantly, I feel fine now. Perhaps I really am just overthinking this, and it really is a result of my current emotional state. I can’t say I’ve ever felt like this before; perhaps the physical sensations get more intense as well.
If I’m wrong and it truly is something magical, or worse, a disease, then whatever it is could potentially harm me, or even kill me. Surprisingly, I’m not as bothered by that realization as I know I should be. There’s no place for me in this pony society, nor any reason for me to keep going.
Perhaps dying wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.
“Morning, Seth! You’re a little late this morning,” Applejack greets me as I arrive on the farm the following morning. Despite her words, she doesn’t seem all that upset. Instead, she takes the opportunity to nudge me slightly. “What, did you oversleep? Careful you don’t turn out like little miss Dash over here.”
“Hey, it was one time!” Rainbow protests, the irritating mare looking at Applejack indignantly. She must have arrived sometime before I did. She quails under Applejack’s unamused stare. “...and the time before that. And the time I wasn’t able to clear the clouds before they rained on your crops after you watered them.”
“And for the past three cider seasons,” Applejack quipped, causing Rainbow to flush and duck her head. “And weren’t you five minutes late this morning?”
“It was five minutes! Besides, you’re not so perfect yourself! Didn’t you miss the train to Canterlot that one time?” Rainbow Dash shoots back. “I had to go back for you!”
“My alarm clock was broken!” Applejack retorted, the two of them getting closer together, seemingly taking one another’s comments seriously. I get a little uneasy just watching them. “Maybe y’all should think about hiring somepony to drag you out of bed, cuz your internal alarm clock is broken!”
“That’s it, you c’mere!” Rainbow Dash suddenly tackles Applejack, the two of them tumbling over the ground. At first I take a step back, alarmed by the sudden fight, but then I hear the two of them laughing despite their roughhousing. “I’ll break your internal clock!”
“No you won’t! Lie still, you scruffy little varmint!”
I glance over at Big MacIntosh, who has just walked up with a bucket of tools in his mouth. He sets them down, notices the two wrestling ponies, and rolls his eyes with exasperation, yet smiles despite that.
“Do they do this often?” I ask with a raised brow.
“Eeyup.” Big MacIntosh answers simply.
I can only assume that Applejack is spending her time overseeing Rainbow’s work, so I spend most of the day working with Big MacIntosh, whose quiet nature comes as a welcome relief. Only saying that which needs to be said, we steadily make our way through the fields, harvesting the simpler crops that don’t require as much physical effort to pick.
“Take a short break,” Big MacIntosh instructs me after the cart is filled up an hour or so later.When I give him a quizzical look, he indicates the cart. “Tugging back the cart is a one pony job. I’ll be right back.”
I don’t protest. Instead I find someplace in the sun to sit. The light does little to raise the temperature, but it’s better than sitting in the shade. I sigh, looking at all that’s left to be done on the farm. It’s getting harder and harder to justify to myself why I’m still doing this. I suppose there’s the pride I hold in my word, but even that seems like a burden too heavy to shoulder anymore.
A flutter of wings sounds from behind me, and my spirits sink even further. I don’t even have to look to know that it’s Rainbow standing behind me, though what she wants with me I have no idea. I ignore her, hoping against hope that her presence here is work related.
“Hey, uh...Seth?” No such luck. Her distinctive scratchy voice addresses me from behind. Even though I don’t give an answer, she continues regardless. “Thanks for helping out Flitter the other day. That ribbon means a lot to her; I think her sister gave it to her when they were fillies.”
“I just happened to find it,” I answer her quietly with an uncomfortable shrug. Out of everything I’d come to expect from her, this was the last thing I would have expected. “Don’t let me keep you from your work.”
“Work? Oh, I’m done. I was just helping her out for a little while,” Rainbow informs me, much to my annoyance. She stretches briefly and yawns. “Now I need another nap. But before that, do you want to join the girls and I at Vinyl’s gig tomorrow?”
“I’ll be there.” As surprised and irritated as I am that she’s trying to be friendly again despite the fact that I’ve made it very clear I don’t like her in the least, it’s one of Vinyl’s gigs, so I’ll be there whether I like it or not.
“C’mon, you don’t have to be like...wait, what? Really?” Rainbow does a double take, having clearly expected me to say something scathing. Normally I would, but I’m just not feeling up to another argument with her.
“I work for Vinyl,” I remind her simply. Understanding dawns on Rainbow, the mare making a small “o” with her mouth. Hearing the rumbling of the cart along the ground, I get up and turn around, preparing to get back to work. “Big MacIntosh is on his way back. If you’re done, then please leave me here to my work.”
“Right, yeah.” Rainbow leaps into the air, her wings extending and flapping just hard enough to keep her hovering in the air. She gives me a strange look. “Are you...feeling okay?”
I don’t answer her.
Once the workday is over, it doesn’t take me very long to decide my next destination. This time, I consciously cut through town and head directly for the outskirts, taking care to avoid the town square on the way.
After taking a roundabout route through the alleyways to avoid running into ponies that know me, I end up passing in front of an oddly designed house that stood alone atop a small hill across the river. The only reason I notice it at all is because its roof looks almost like the canopy of a tree, complete with thick ivy and leaves. If it weren’t for the plaster walls and wooden-frame windows, I wouldn’t have been able to tell it was a house at all.
Additionally, it’s surrounded by wildlife; scores of birds perch on the window sills or the leaves of the roof, rabbits and squirrels dart across the grass moving from tree to tree, and once I think I even see a badger rounding the corner of the house. All in all, it’s not something unusual enough to briefly catch my eye.
Unfortunately, it’s spoiled by the presence of a familiar pony standing on the bridge over the river, who appears to conversing with a soft-spoken butter yellow pegasus mare with a long pink mane. The conversation lasts until the pegasus catches sight of me...and then with a squeak, she zips into the house at a frankly impressive speed. I swear I even see a small cloud of dust where she had once stood.
“So you’ll be free for lunch tomor...what in the...Fluttershy, come back!” Twilight, who was the other pony speaking with the now missing mare, called after her, looking exasperated. With a sigh, she turned to find out what had scared her, only to see me walking by. “Oh, Seth! Wait there a moment!”
I don’t wait for her despite her words, causing her to break into a canter in order to catch up with me. She looks up at me with worry when I don’t even react to her presence.
“Hey, I was looking for you last evening. I had hoped you would drop by again to come talk with me,” Twilight reveals to me. Her expression becomes perturbed when she still doesn’t get an answer. “How are you feeling? I can help if you need someone to talk to.”
My teeth grit together at her words, her very existence serving as a testament to everything that’s gone wrong with my world. That she’s trying to act understanding at all is causing my ire to rise. Unfortunately, she’s not as perceptive as she is nosy, so she doesn’t pick up on any of this.
“Okay, so...not talking,” Twilight finally seems to get it when I continue to walk regardless of her words. She stares at me stubbornly, her mouth set in a firm line. “I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through right now, but I wanted to tell you that we’re all here to help you. There’s no strings or other motives or whatever you think might be behind my offer; just that none of us want to see you suffer. Together, we could…”
“Would you give it a rest?” I finally snap, unable to handle her sanctimonious spiel any longer. I come to a halt on the path, the two of us standing just outside of Ponyville. Twilight’s mouth closes in surprise from my vehement response. “I don’t know what you think you’re trying to accomplish, but I don’t want any part of it. So turn your furry little ass around and go back to your friend.”
“Seth, is it really so hard to understand that I just want to-” Twilight, now riled up herself, steps closer to me.
“-to help? You think a few flowery words are going to make this go away? You think you can just say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ and I’ll just perk right back up again? You know absolutely nothing about me,” I cut across her, venom entering my voice.
“Maybe I would if you didn’t always shut us out every time we try to know you!” Twilight shoots back with frustration. “Look, I am very sorry about what you’ve gone through. Nobody should have to live with what you do. But I do know that you can’t get through it alone.”
“What, and you’re going to be the friend that waltzes on by and magically cheers me up? Don’t make me laugh,” I retort sardonically, crossing my arms and glaring at her. “I don’t care if the princess told you to or whatever; go back to the life you were living before me, and stop trying to meddle in my business!”
“So do you just plan to live through life like this? Day after day, all by yourself?” Twilight demands. “I know more than anyone just how unhealthy that is! I won’t let you do that to yourself!”
“You won’t ‘let me?’ You seem to think you have a choice in that,” I seethe. I hold a hand to my chest, already feeling the pressure returning. Something that I’d been holding back for the sake of my now nonexistent goal surges to the surface, and it gets out before I can restrain myself. “You need to understand something. I have never asked for nor desired the companionship of any of you ponies from the moment I got here. In fact, I want nothing to do with you. Your kind is the reason I’m here, the reason my family and friends are dead in the first place, and now here you all are, enjoying your pretty and idyllic little life as though none of that ever happened. It makes me sick!”
“Seth, you can’t…” Twilight takes a step back, her ears folding back and her body shuddering at the sheer amount of venom in my voice. “You can’t blame us for that. That’s...that’s not fair…”
I stare at her, realizing by the expression on her face that I said too much.. I take a deep breath, and let it out as a long sigh.
“Just go back to town; I’m done talking to you.” Tired of this argument, I turn on my heel and continue on my walk out of town, my pace quickening in order to widen the difference between us as quickly as possible. Twilight calls after me desperately, but I don’t look back.
Once again, I’m at the cliffside, my legs dangling over the edge into the open air. I sit there lifelessly, my heart still beating quickly. As I gaze down into the gorge, I start to wonder if I’d gone too far in that argument with Twilight. I meant every word that I said, but I told myself again and again not to let them know my true feelings. Otherwise at best, I might lose my job and the house in which I’m staying, and at worst, I’d make an enemy of the town and get kicked out.
One question comes to my mind; one niggling question that I can’t dislodge. Would it really be a bad thing if I didn’t go back to Ponyville? There’s nothing there to which I’m attached; no reason to stay and suffer their increasingly intrusive attempts to befriend me. So why should I go back?
Yet, there’s a roof under which to stay and a source of income to keep me fed. Despite logic and pragmatism telling me that there’s no choice but to suck it up and deal, the thought of going back to Ponyville proves to be unbearable. Seeing Twilight’s stubborn but sad face, seeing Applejack take pity on my weak body, and seeing Vinyl greet me every morning and evening with prepared meals...all of it is unwelcome.
I can’t take this. I can’t take all these emotions. Amaryllis. I just want Amaryllis to be here. I need to her sit beside me and whip me into shape. I need Amaryllis here with me now to tell me what to do. There isn’t a part of me that I wouldn’t tear out and crush if it meant I could have her back.There’s nothing that I wouldn’t sacrifice. I don’t care what I would have to do. It’s just not fair that I’m here and she’s not. If anyone deserved to live through the end it would be her. Why did I get to live when she had to die?
A chunk of the cliff on the opposite side of the gorge suddenly breaks away, breaking me out of my increasingly desperate thoughts. I watch in silence as the chunks of earth and rock plummet hundreds of feet into the gorge and break apart upon the jagged rocks jutting up from the river at the bottom. The sight causes a thought to rise in my mind.
If I can’t have her back, nor can I get revenge, then what’s the point of living anymore?
The sun shines down over Ponyville on a bright and clear Friday noon, revealing the scores of colorful ponies milling about the streets. It is an average day for the rustic town, with salesponies advertising their wares in the town square or in their small cubby hole shops, and the aromas of freshly made foodstuffs of all kinds mixing in the air to form a pleasant atmosphere.
“Would you smell that? It’s the smell of soft bread pulled fresh from the oven. Isn’t it just heavenly?” Rarity, the mare dressed in a simple sundress and hat, makes her way through the streets of Ponyville, accompanied by Fluttershy and the ever boisterous Pinkie Pie, who bounces along with every step.
“It does smell wonderful,” Fluttershy admits in her soft musical voice, a small smile making its way across her comely face as she inhales the scent hanging in the hair.
“Ooh! That smells like Honey Baker’s sourdough! You can make the best sandwiches with a single loaf of that! If we weren’t meeting the girls for lunch, I’d definitely be going to get some!” Pinkie reveals excitedly, earning chuckles from her two companions. The three of them turn the corner into the square, where a restaurant complete with a set of outside tables is set up immediately to their right. “Speaking of whom, there they are! Good morning, girls...and Spike!”
Sitting at one of the tables by the restaurant were the three other ponies that Pinkie had mentioned as well as Spike, who was sitting on the top of the table with a bowl of gems in front of him. Rainbow flashes them a grin as they approached, beckoning them over with a hoof, while Applejack tips her hat and pulls out a chair for each of them. Twilight hardly looks up at the greeting, the mare forlornly gazing down at the tabletop.
“‘And Spike’ is right. Better not forget me,” Spike remarks with a good natured grin, scooping up a handful of gems with a claw and chowing down on them.
“Spike, do slow down; you’re getting chunks of gemstone all over the table!” Rarity fusses, promptly lifting a napkin with her magic and cleaning up the mess, while Applejack looks on with a roll of her eyes. “Do mind your manners. There are ladies at the table.”
“Morning y’all...or is it afternoon now?” Applejack greets the three as they approached and sat down in their respective chairs. “Rarity, you didn’t need to get all dressed up for a simple lunch meeting.”
“Of course I did! A lady must always look her best when walking the streets, and even more so on special occasions such as a lunch between friends!” Rarity insists, flaunting her hat and flattening out nonexistent wrinkles in her sundress.
“Totally, I even wore my best,” Rainbow replies with sarcasm, as she was wearing precisely nothing, as per usual. She then turns to Pinkie to greet her as well. “Morning, Pinkie Pie!”
“Is that a frown I see!?” Instead of acknowledging Rainbow, Pinkie’s response is to gasp, and then immediately zip on top of the table directly in front of Twilight, somehow not knocking everything over. “Not on my watch! Twilight, can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?!”
“Uh…” Twilight looks up, her wide eyes blinking. It took her a few moments to come up with an answer for Pinkie’s completely random question. “Maybe? I don’t know anything about kangaroos…”
“Of course they can! Houses can’t jump at all, silly!” Pinkie immediately responds, earning snorts and giggles from the others. “Did you know that Winona used to chase ponies around on a scooter a lot?”
“What…?” is all Twilight can say before Pinkie’s randomness.
“Hold up, Winona did what now?” Applejack joins in, raising a brow.
“Yeah, it got so bad I had to take her scooter away!” Pinkie finishes, once again to the amusement of the other mares. Pinkie huffs when her jokes fail to bring a smile to Twilight’s face. “Come on, those were some of my best jokes!”
“I’m sorry, Pinkie. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort, but…I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” Twilight confesses.
“Whatever is the matter, darling?” Rarity asks with concern, using her magic to lower Pinkie down from the table. “Weren’t you the one who suggested we all have lunch together today?”
“I know I was, but…” Twilight begins, but she trails off with a sigh.
“It’s Seth, isn’t it?” Rainbow emits with a flat brow, sounding completely unsurprised and unenthused. “He said something nasty to you, didn’t he?”
“Well…” Twilight looks to be searching frantically for something to say, but beneath the scrutinizing gazes of her friends, she relents. “Yes, it’s Seth. Let’s wait for our food, and then I’ll tell you over lunch.”
There is a chorus of assent from the others, and they get to ordering their food when the waiter comes by. When a spread of sandwiches of various types and drinks lay on the table before them, Twilight begins.
“I can’t say much, but...he’s...going through a tough time right now, and I don’t know how to help him,” Twilight begins. “It’s...starting to get to me.”
“Seriously. I haven’t seen her this frazzled since Discord,” Spike chimed in, patting one of Twilight’s hooves with his claw.
“What, is it still the whole ‘alone in a town of ponies’ thing?” Rainbow‘s ire starts to rise, her eyes narrowing. “I’m done letting him use that as an excuse. He keeps hurting my friends, and he needs to stop.”
“It’s not just that anymore, Rainbow,” Twilight attempts to explain. “I can’t tell you everything for the sake of his privacy, but you know how focused he seemed to be on getting out of town?”
“Yeah, he keeps using that as an excuse too,” Rainbow retorts.
“He did originally come to work saying he was only gonna stay for a week or two,” Applejack affirms, but then she recalled something else. “He told me on Tuesday he wasn’t leaving no more. Something seemed off about him then too. Like he wasn’t as focused or driven.”
“Not to mention he completely forgot to come visit me, despite saying that he would,” Rarity sniffs, looking offended. “Do you know how many outfits I’ve already made for him? As it stands, they’re just hanging on the racks, completely unappreciated!”
“Something did seem off about him,” Rainbow finally admits, much to the surprise of the others, who knew well of her solid dislike for him. “I talked to him yesterday and he sounded so...out of it. He didn’t even snap at me like he always does.”
“He’s getting worse,” Twilight summarizes sadly. “I just...I just don’t get him. I’m trying so hard, but he just doesn’t understand. It seems like the more I try to help, the more he starts to hate me.”
“Did something bad happen? Cuz he seemed fine until Tuesday,” Applejack asks pointedly. “Even weirder, he didn’t come to work today.”
“He didn’t?” Twilight looked up with horror.
“Nope. I figured the poor guy needed some rest after all,” Applejack added. “Though now that we’re all talking about it...”
“Oh no...I let him go, but I didn’t think he’d…” Twilight whispered to herself, much to the confusion of the others. Suddenly, she turned to Rainbow and placed both of her hooves on one of hers. “Rainbow, I need to ask you a huge favor.”
“Huh? Okay...but what is it? You’re acting kinda weird,” Rainbow looks uncomfortable beneath Twilight’s fervent gaze, her hoof twitching in Twilight’s grip.
“Will you please go find Seth for me?” Twilight pleads. Rainbow immediately adopts an expression that betrays just how little she wants to do that. “Please, he’s not used to Equestria; what if he stumbles into someplace dangerous, like the Everfree?”
“Why me? Why not Applejack or Fluttershy?” Rainbow returns with reluctance. Fluttershy promptly sinks beneath the table, out of sight. Applejack just gives Rainbow an askance look.
“Because you’re the fastest flier, and you could get to him before anything else happens. It’s already been a day, and I’m worried,” Twilight insists. Rainbow looks like she wants to complain more, but then she looks around to see everyone else staring at her expectantly.
“Fine, I’ll go,” Rainbow finally relents with bad grace. She wolfs down the rest of her meal and puts down her share of the pay, and then she gets up from the table and takes to the air. “Even though I know he’s just gonna yell at me and tell me how much I shouldn’t have bothered.”
“Thank you so much, Rainbow. I know I’m asking a lot,” Twilight expresses appreciatively, the frazzled mare letting out a sigh of relief. “Last I saw him, he was heading southeast past Fluttershy’s house. I’ll check Vinyl Scratch’s house to see if he went home last night.”
“Yeah yeah,” Rainbow reaches down and tousles Twilight’s mane with a hoof affectionately. “But you owe me a cupcake, you hear me?”
“I’ll buy you three!” Twilight promises with a smile.
“And I’ll throw in two more free!” Pinkie adds.
“Now we’re talking!” With all the extra encouragement, Rainbow zips through the air at a breakneck speed, leaving nothing behind except for a rapidly fading multicolored trail.
I stare over the edge of the cliffside, unmoving. Ravenous hunger unlike that I’ve ever felt gnaws at my stomach, and my throat feels dry. My body is chilled and every slight breeze feels like a dagger against my skin. My hair is matted from grease and sweat, and the remains of dried tears cling to my cheeks. Yet I can’t bring myself to move to alleviate any of these conditions. The pain and discomfort almost feels refreshing - like a way for me to physically feel the emptiness inside.
It’s been hours and hours since I sat down. Applejack and Vinyl Scratch are probably wondering where I am. I know that should make me feel bad, but instead, I recognize that I’m doing them a favor. Now they won’t have to think or stress about me, and they can go back to their ordinary, happy naive lives.
I keep thinking about my future. When I was in school, I believed I knew what I wanted in life. I just had to keep moving forward, keep making pragmatic decisions, and succeed. In the end, I would have ended up in a lucrative job. It may not have been the most glamorous future, it didn’t matter to me at the time. As long as I had my music, my family, and my best friend, perhaps I could have found some form of happiness.
Perhaps I could have settled down with Amaryllis. She would have taken up a job that exercised her excellent math abilities and made just as much money as myself. Maybe we could have had a small house or an apartment together. I think I could have been happy, as long as she was there with me.
I scoff, tossing a rock over the edge of the cliff. These wishful thoughts… why should I be having them now? Besides, I shouldn’t be feeling that way about Amaryllis. She was tough, reliable, and beautiful; I shouldn’t disrespect her by feeling like this. I can’t call it love; such a word is a pretty disguise for the ugliness of lust. The last thing she needed was some idiot lusting after her. The thought that I could feel anything of the sort towards her only disgusts me; she deserved better than that.
But now, to what do I have to look forward? Slaving away endless hours out in the elements, exhausting my body and crushing my spirit, only to earn a few meager bits with which to pay my rent? For what would I do all of that? I’m the first human to walk the earth in millenia, and it doesn’t mean a damned thing. For everything that I’ve been through and all that I’ve endured, humanity is just going to go back to being extinct again. Nobody will care that I existed, or that I’ve died.
With that thought, I slowly, steadily, rise to my feet, never once taking my eyes away from the depths of the gorge. The longer I look, the more inviting the jagged rocks jutting out of the river appear to me. If that’s all it’s going to come down to… if all I’m doing is performing the same actions every day like a robot, then there’s no point. Why should I linger, when the end result will be the same regardless?
I take one step closer to the edge of the cliff, my breath catching in my throat. My footsteps dislodge bits of rock and gravel, which plummet into the chasm below. The more I think about this, the more it seems like a good idea. I can’t do this. I can’t subsist for the rest of my life alone. More than anything, I want Amaryllis back by my side, to give my life some meaning again.
But I have to face the facts. I am alone. I will be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe Celestia and the rest of the ponies are right, and some of them are genuine. Yet even if that were true, it’s too late. I don’t think I’m capable of trusting another living creature, especially not a pony whose species I’ve little experience with.
I gaze at the rocks far below that will undoubtedly mean my death. Despite what I’m about to do, I find myself to be strangely calm. There are no more tears. My emotions feel numb, and even the hunger and thirst I feel seem to fade away to nothing.
I'm just tired… tired and ready for it to be over.
I’ve made my decision. Without delaying any longer, my foot moves forward, over the edge of the cliff into nothingness. The obvious result to such an action is a sudden loss of balance as my weight carries me right over the edge. I don’t bother to flail or catch myself, even as one foot scraps against the cliffside.
A breath leaves my lungs as gravity swiftly takes over. My stomach feels nauseous as it struggles to keep up with my rapidly accelerating body. I close my eyes, knowing that it won’t be long now.
Time seems to slow down, and I can’t help but reflect over my past life. I can only wonder what my life would have been like if I’d have been born somewhere else. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have turned out the way I did. Maybe then, I wouldn’t feel so angry and bitter all the time. Maybe then, I would have had the chance to live a normal life.
I remember my childhood, when I was a naive fool with no idea what the world held in store for me. I had no idea how cruel humanity could be, nor did I let myself think about why people were as mean as they were… until one day, a single girl walked into my life, and ripped away my naivety to reveal the truth.
The sound of the rushing river draws ever closer, at a painfully slow pace. I allow myself one last smile, my thoughts filling with images of Amaryllis. Perhaps I’ll be granted one last kindness, and I’ll be able to see her again in whatever awaits for me beyond death. At long last, the sound of the rushing rapids overpowers my every thought, signalling my incoming demise.
A tremendous crack shatters the air like a thunderclap, and before I realize what’s happening, something furry and warm presses against my body, two limbs grasping me tightly around the middle and holding me close. I open my eyes, but all I can see are the blinding colors of the rainbow.
I feel my trajectory evening out through a gradual curve, veering me away from what was supposed to be my imminent death without breaking every bone in my body. I’m moving at an impossibly fast speed, such that it’s making my body ache and the sounds of the river distort. The only thing I can think about is that I haven’t died like I’d intended. What the hell is going on, and why haven’t I perished? Or is that what this is, and there is some sort of reaper?
Whatever it is that has me eventually slows down, and lays me to rest on my back atop what feels like a grassy field, the individual blades tickling my back and making me itch. I keep my eyes closed, liking the idea of the next life being some sort of meadow. Yet, I start to suspect that something is amiss due to the faint rushing of the rapids in the distance...and the feminine panting that I hear right next to me.
“Whew! That was seriously close, even for me!”
My heart stops as I recognize that scratchy voice immediately. There’s only one creature I know that talks like that. A helpless rage surfaces within me, my hands tearing at the grass. This has to be some kind of sick joke. I’ve gone through so much, and these ponies won’t even let me die!?
My eyes shoot open and I force myself into a sitting position despite the pain; sure enough, Rainbow Dash is sitting on the grass not far from me, her mane damp with sweat and hanging in tangles over her face. She flashes me a breathless smile...which immediately drops when she notices the intense glare I’m directing at her.
“Whoa, relax, buddy. You’re safe now, alright? I caught you,” Rainbow attempts to assure me, but it only has the opposite effect.
“Safe?! Why!? Why can’t you ponies ever leave me alone!? Why can’t you just let me go!? What did I do to deserve this!?” I yell at her furiously, my voice rising to an almost primal shout immediately, taking her very much aback. I press a hand to my face, trying to keep myself from sobbing despite my fury. “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask for you! Who the hell do you think you are!?”
Rainbow’s eyes are as wide as dinner plates after my tirade… but it doesn’t take her long to snap out of it. Her eyes flashing with anger, she gets to her hooves and glares right back at me.
“What do you mean , ‘who the hell do I think I am!?’” Rainbow retaliates, her voice rising as well as she echoes my own bad language back at me. “I saw you falling into the gorge, so I had to pull off a Sonic Rainboom just so I could reach you in time, in case you hadn’t noticed! A simple ‘thank you’ would be nice!”
“Thank you!? You think I’m going to thank you for this!? You think I wanted you anywhere near me!? I left Ponyville, just like I said I would! You were done with me for good! Why did you come out after me!?” I shoot right back, clenching my fists so hard that my uncut nails start to draw blood from my palms. “Why couldn’t you just let it end!?”
“Uh, in case you didn’t hear me the first time, I came out to save you, which I did quite awesomely, I might add!” Rainbow waves a hoof in front of me as though what she’d said was the most obvious thing in the world. “Besides, what the hay were you even doing, walking off a cliff like that!? It’s like you were trying to...to…”
Rainbow suddenly trails off as the realization hits her all at once. I watch as the anger on her face fades away entirely, to be replaced by pure and unadulterated shock. She stares at me with wide eyes, her jaw still frozen in the middle of her sentence. She starts to tremble, the very thought of suicide no doubt entirely alien to her. The thought must never even occur to these happy ponies in their happy and idyllic world.
Suddenly, Rainbow closes the distance between us and her hoof slams into my face with so much force that my head snaps to the right, pain exploding from the point of impact and white stars erupting in my vision. I cry out and clutch a hand to my cheek, staring at Rainbow with disbelief. She really just hit me… but damn, she hits hard.
“Why...why would you…?” Rainbow stammers, and to my shock, I can see tears glistening in her eyes. She glares at me tearfully, her body shaking with emotion. “You… you were, weren’t you? Answer me!”
“What are you getting so upset about?” I demand incredulously. “This is the way it should be. Once I’m gone, you can go back to living your life without having to think about me. Isn’t that what you want?”
“You… You idiot! How could you even think that that’s what I want!?” Rainbow shouts back at me, the volume of her shout rivaling that of mine only a few moments ago. “Why would I ever want you to...to die!? Wait, I have a better question. Why would you ever want to die!?”
“I’m not answering that. What I choose to do with my life is none of your business,” I manage to get out between gritted teeth. In the blink of an eye, Rainbow is in my face, the fervor in her eyes serving to astonish me even further. I can’t fathom why it is she would be so upset about this, when she’s hated me since the first time we met. “Wha…?”
“No, you know what? I don’t have to take that! You can’t pull something like this and expect me to pretend I didn’t see anything!” Rainbow asserts, jabbing a hoof into my chest with nearly enough force to knock me over. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me why, buster!”
I scoff at that. “What do you think you’re going to do about it? If I didn’t tell you anything before, I’m certainly not going to tell you anything now.” I turn my back on her and start to walk away, with the intention of making my way back to the top of the gorge. I’m not entirely sure where I am now, but if I use Ponyville as a reference point, I should be able to find my way back. “I’m leaving. It’s best you go back to town and forget about-uuh!?”
I don’t get more than a few feet before Rainbow zips around me and shoves me backwards with both of her front hooves, knocking me off my feet and onto my rear. I attempt to rise, but before I get even halfway up, Rainbow’s hoof slams down on my sternum, forcing me back down and pinning me there.
“You’re not… going… anywhere. I’m making this my business,” Rainbow expresses with a low growl. I struggle in an attempt to get free, but to my surprise, I can’t budge her. When I take a closer look at her, I note the presence of powerful muscles rippling just beneath her skin. Comparing them to the other ponies I’ve seen, they’re exceptional. This can only mean I’m looking at a pony who takes very good care of her body. “You’re staying right there until you talk to me!”
“To hell with this!” Snapping, I reach up, and with as much strength as I can muster, I punch Rainbow right in her exposed belly. Rainbow’s eyes shoot wide and she coughs, the wind leaving her lungs and her grip faltering just enough for me to throw her aside and break into a run. I will not stay and be bullied by this goddamn pony!
Despite my attempts to put as much distance from her as possible, I quickly learn that I might as well have tried to run to the moon. As much as I hate to admit it, her bragging had some basis in truth. With her speed, I can’t get more than a few meters away before she’s already caught up to me.
“Get back here!” Rainbow yells, her hooves already reaching out for me. I dive down and scrape up a pile of dirt and grass, and throw it directly into her face. She pauses and frantically tries to clear her eyes. “Gah! You cheating little... !”
With her so indisposed, I double back and sprint past her, running down a hill and into a cleft in the rock that looks like it’ll take me deeper into the canyon. Like before, I don’t manage to get very far before Rainbow swoops down from above and cuts me off. Unable outrun her again, my hand drifts to my rifle. All I can think of is getting her away from me, despite the fact that I’d have to harm her to do so. I unsling my rifle from my back and swing it at her desperately.
“Whoa!” Rainbow veers around the strike easily and circles around me, and then she immediately propels herself back just enough to avoid my second swing. She glares at me and boldly intercepts my third swing, catching the muzzle of the rifle on the cannon bone of a forehoof and kicking my wrist hard enough to dislodge the weapon from my grip. “Put that down before you hurt someone!”
The rifle now skidding across the canyon floor near me, I have nothing else other than my fists. My right fist careens forward and collides with her chest...hitting solid muscle. I cry out in pain, nursing my aching hand. Rainbow takes the opportunity to bash her two front hooves into my chest, once again knocking me flat on my back, my head just barely avoiding the rock and landing on grass instead.
I don’t rise again, my chest heaving from the exertion. My body is already weak from hunger, thirst, and exhaustion; As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t keep this up.
“So...are you done?” Rainbow asks simply, the mare sitting down on her haunches a few feet away. She takes a moment to wipe some of the debris off of her muzzle from earlier, making a disgusted face as it smeared into her fur.
“Shut up,” I groan miserably, my body aching all over. Other than that, I can’t come up with anything else to say, even after my breath returns to me. I remain silent for several minutes, trying to think of another way out of this, but eventually I realize that there isn’t one. Rainbow isn’t going to let me leave until I give her a reason, and it’s become clear that she can enforce that. I curse the situation that I’ve somehow landed in. What I can’t understand is why Rainbow would have any reason to be this far away from town in the first place.
Rainbow waits for me to say something, her impatience clear to see. After the first few minutes, she starts to fidget in place; one hoof will start fiddling in the gravel, or a wing will start to flap idly. One time, she even starts humming under her breath. Clearly, she’s not used to staying in one place for this long. Yet for some reason, she’s putting in the effort for me.
“Why are you doing this?” I finally ask after roughly ten minutes pass. Rainbow glances at me with some relief, but that quickly turns to confusion.
“Huh? Doing what?” At first, it sounds like Rainbow is mocking me, but when I glance over at her, she looks genuinely confused by my question.
“This. Saving me. Forcing me to talk to you. Why do you even care whether I live or die?” I demand helplessly.
“You’re kidding. You even need to ask why I care if someone dies?” Rainbow looks at me as though I had just told her the dumbest thing she’d ever heard.
“Of course I do! You’ve made it very clear how much you hate me. Now you’re suddenly turning around and saving my life, even though I didn’t want you to?” I snap back, irritated. “So what is it you hope to gain? Is it just because I’m human?”
“Okay, there’s so much wrong with what you just said,” Rainbow huffs stubbornly. “Look, I don’t care that you’re human. News flash, you’re not exactly the only species to walk around on two legs. And, I never said I hated you. You’re just an insufferable jerk who’s mad all the time and is like… allergic to fun.”
“Then why? Why can’t you have just let me die? It’s what I want…” Before I finish talking, a rock hits me in the side of the head, causing me to yelp.
“Stop talking like that! I’ll punch you again!” Rainbow suddenly yells at me in a shaking voice. “Saving someone is common sense! Besides, you’re not a bad guy…”
“Are you serious!? How can you even say that, when every single time we’ve met, we’ve argued? What about all the times I’ve ‘hurt your friends?’ Those were your words,” I snap back incredulously.
“Hey, I said you were a jerk! But I’m also saying that there’s a decent guy somewhere beneath all the… the jerk,” Rainbow retorts rather ineloquently. Before I can protest, she continues. “I was standing right there when you gave that ribbon back to Flitter. Her sister gave that to her when they were fillies; I’ve never seen her with it off. You should have seen the smile she wore for the rest of the day.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. I just happened to find it,” I point out.
“Now you’re lying,” Rainbow replies instantly, causing me to freeze. “I spoke to Clear Skies. She told me you saw Flitter, stopped, and went back for the ribbon. You knew exactly what you were doing. So don’t try to hide it from me!”
“Fine…” I admit grudgingly, disgusted at myself for allowing her to verbally drive me into a corner. “So what, you’re trying to save me because you feel like you owe me?”
“No! Can you stop putting words in my mouth? I saved you because I wanted to save you! Besides, I’d have done this way sooner if I knew your issues were this bad!!” Rainbow shoots back with annoyance, baffling me further. “Besides, this isn't about me, so stop dodging my question!”
“What question?” I ask in a vain attempt to buy myself a little more time.
“Why did you jump off of that cliff!?” Rainbow demands once again, moving even closer to me. “What was so bad, that you tried to… to… kill yourself?”
“You wouldn’t understand. You’ve never lost a thing in your life,” I reply bitterly after a few moments of silence.
“Yeah? Try me. Neither of us are leaving until I get an answer,” Rainbow repeated her decision for the third time. Deprived of any other choice, I let a long, heavy sigh. I can’t believe I’m about to do this.
“Who would you say your closest friend is?” I ask. The oddity of my question gets Rainbow to raise an eyebrow.
“Closest? Gosh, that’s a hard question...hm...maybe Fluttershy? Ah, but Applejack is pretty fun to mess around with. There’s Twilight….and..” Rainbow appears to really struggle with this question, making me somewhat envious of her wide circle of friends.
“Now imagine all of them were to disappear from your life, without any warning.” That statement gets Rainbow to blanch, looking horrified by the prospect. “Now imagine you knew whose fault that was. What would you do?”
“Could I get them back again?” Rainbow asks hopefully. When I answer in the negative, her head droops, the mare looking clearly distraught by the scenario I’d just presented her. “Then...I’d find the jerk who took them all away and make him pay!”
“Now what if you couldn’t even do that?” I press further, one hand clenching into a fist. Rainbow was silent, her jaw hanging slightly open.
“I… I… don’t… know,” Rainbow finally admits, the mare completely at a loss. At last, the meaning of my words finally dawns on her. “Wait, so that’s what got you like this?”
“More or less. I had a goal...but now I have nothing. So what would it matter if I died? I was never meant to exist in this era, anyway,” I answer softly. “Are you satisfied? If so, it’s best you leave, and forget about me.”
“Not happening, buddy,” Rainbow expresses with the same amount of fervor as before, much to my shock and dismay. “I still can’t agree with you.”
“Wha…?”
“So what if all of my friends were gone? That doesn’t mean they never existed in the first place!” Rainbow begins, her brow set with determination. “They would want me to keep living! Actually, if I were the one to disappear, I’d never forgive my friends if they gave up like you’re doing right now!”
“So what the hell do you expect me do!?” I demand, honestly wanting her to give me an answer.
“Not throw yourself off a cliff,” Rainbow replies matter-of-factly. “Seriously, whoever your friends were, this is not what they’d want!”
“And how would you know what they’d want?” I retort. “You know absolutely nothing about them!”
“I don’t need to! If they were friends of yours at all, you dying is the last thing they’d want!” Rainbow counters. “They’d want you to move on, make more friends, and be happy!”
“Again with the friends! How can you even suggest that? Am I supposed to just pretend my friend never existed?” I respond, frustrated.
“What? You can have more than one friend, genius! Making a new friend doesn't mean replacing the old one!” Rainbow informs me as if she were talking to an idiot, irritating me further.
“So what, you expect me to just get over it and make friends with the ponies!?” I growl, disgusted by the very thought. “You think I can trust any of you?”
“There it is again; you thinking we’re some kind of bad ponies! I don’t know why you keep saying that, but we’re not out to ruin your life!” Rainbow huffs.
“You could have fooled me…”
“Actually, you know what? Give me a chance!” Rainbow suddenly tells me, her eyes betraying just how serious she is. I blink at the sudden request. It sounds an awful lot like she’s asking to be my friend. She notices the look on my face. “Yeah, you heard me. I don’t know what happened to you to make you hate us so much, but I’ll prove to you that I’m not like that!”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I, Rainbow Dash, am going to stick by your side from here on out. You hear me? I’ll show you just what kind of pony I am!” Rainbow presses her hoof to my arm, the mare staring at me right in the eyes. “From now on, you and I are friends!”
“What the hell?” I say with complete surprise. Out of everything that she could have said, that was the last thing I expected to hear. “You can’t just declare yourself my friend!”
“Too bad, cuz I just did,” Rainbow sticks her tongue out at me childishly. “I know you’re not all jerk, and a friend is just what you need to get through this.”
“Yeah? And what if I hurt you again, like I’ve been doing to all your friends?” I insist. This whole conversation has thrown me for a loop. I’ve never opened myself up like this to anyone except Amaryllis. I hate the way that I feel right now, but I keep telling myself that I had no other choice but to tell her. Rainbow gave me no other option.
“I’ll take that chance! Friends take chances on each other, even when we don’t know what’s gonna happen!” Rainbow continues, never hesitating even for a moment. My eyes widen, her words sounding oddly familiar. No… it can’t be. Not again. There’s no way the two of them could be that similar. “So how’s it fair if I’m the only one taking that chance? You’ll never know if you can trust me if you keep running away all the time!”
I honestly don’t have a response. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard that argument used against me. Only one person has said something like that to me… and she was my only friend.
“So you get it now? I’ve got your back. All you gotta do for me is… live. Just live, okay?” Rainbow’s voice breaks a little at her last request, the amount of emotion in her words clear even to someone like me. “That’s all.”
“That’s all?” I repeat, my emotions jumbled up in my mind. Rainbow nods solemnly. That has to be the hardest anyone has ever fought back against and for me, when they seemingly stand nothing to gain from it. I honestly don’t know what to think. Despite everything I feel and believe, part of me starts to think that maybe she isn’t lying to me.
I don’t get it. We haven’t gotten along from the moment we met. Not one positive word has been shared between us, and even now I can still remember the animosity I felt towards her every time I remembered her face. I don’t understand why she cares so much whether I live or die. I don’t understand why she doesn’t just go back to the way her life was before she met me.
“That’s all,” Rainbow affirms. “So...can we get up and go back to town now? Or do I have to yell at you some more?”
“I think you’ve made your point,” I grunt, too mentally drained to continue this conversation any further. My rage is slowly dying down, leaving nothing behind save for a mess of convoluted emotions of which I can’t make much sense. The only thing of which I’m sure is that I don’t know what I want to do anymore; I need some time to think. “But I have one last question.”
“Sure! What is it?” Rainbow responds curiously.
“Why were you out here in the first place?” I query, at last getting to ask the question that’s been bothering me ever since she appeared. “I went this far away from town purely so that none of you could find me.”
“Oh that? Well, I was looking cuz Twilight asked me to,” Rainbow confesses. I turn my head to look at her incredulously. If the only reason she was out here was because she was asked to be… “Hey, stop looking at me like that! She may have told me to find you, but I meant everything I said!”
“Right,” I reply shortly, my curiosity sated. “It’s probably because she doesn’t want to look like an idiot in front of the princess.”
“You didn’t see her face when she asked me to go,” Rainbow points out stubbornly. “It wasn’t just her, either. Applejack’s missing a worker, Rarity apparently has been designing up a storm… like it or not, you’ve got ponies worrying about you.”
“I’ve been here too long,” I groan as the last of my plans falls apart. The first thing I told myself when I first arrived to Equestria was that I wouldn’t get attached or let any of these ponies get attached. As it turns out, even as cold as I am, I can’t even do that right. I yelp as Rainbow starts to impatiently prod my side with a forehoof. “Alright, fine, I’m getting up.”
I grunt and struggle to my feet, picking up my rifle from where it had fallen earlier. I glance back towards Ponyville. The thought of going back still doesn’t appeal to me, but now it doesn’t seem as hellish as it did before, for some reason. With a sigh, I start to walk, Rainbow keeping pace just beside me.
“You’re probably hungry, cuz you were out here all the time. Did you know I had to miss lunch?” Rainbow complained as we walked.“I didn’t get to eat breakfast this morning, so I’m starving!”
I roll my eyes; this is going to be a long walk back.