Two pink-skinned, pink-haired girls in their underwear stood across the room from each other. One had bright blue eyes. The other had golden eyes with black sclera. Both were fit, trim, and busty. And very, very pink.
Pinkie Pie raised a trembling hand and pointed at Other Pink, eyes wide. "Y-y-y-you're my Shadow!" she proclaimed. "And I'm not even IN that fanfic right now!"
"Heeh...you must be the girl that angry girl downstairs mistook me for," Other Pink said. "So I guess this is your room, huh? Sorry for barging in and stuff—do you mind if I borrow some clothes, though? I think we're about the same size."
"Well, yeah, obviously we are if you're me," Pinkie said.
Other Pink tilted her head. "I'm not you," she said, confusion in her tone. "How could I be you? I'm me."
Pinkie blinked. "If you're you and you're not me, then who are you? And who is me?"
"I'm Ashido Mina," Other Pink said. "UA High Class 1-A. And you are...?"
"Oh, I'm Pinkie Pie! I think." Pinkie blinked, looking Mina up and down. Aside from being pink with pink hair, there really weren't many similarities; Mina's hair was short and shaggy instead of long and curly, and she had tiny, wiggly yellow horns sprouting from her head. "Umm...oh yeah! I guess we're both kinda naked right now, so we should better raid the closet, huh?"
* * * * *
Radical Edward and long bus rides don't mix.
"So we're on this bus for how long?" Sakura asked boredly as she watched Ed run up and down the length of the bus and do springing cartwheels across the tops of seats. Fortunately, the bus was only half full; only a few of the other passengers were annoyed by Ed's antics.
"Five hours," Ranma said. "This one takes us all th' way t' Cloudsdale. We were s'posed'ta head ta Oatlanta an' catch a train th' rest'a th' way from there, but next bus t' Oatlanta's tomorrow an' I kinda wanted outta here sooner."
"Skipping the plane ride was a good call," Hikaru said, watching Ed bounce around. "I don't think Ed-chan would've been welcome on an airplane."
As Ed bounced past, Ranma grabbed her shirt and yanked her down into a seat. "Settle down," he said.
"Aww," Ed pouted, crossing her arms. "Ranma-person is a no-fun person person."
"No, Ranma-person is a don't wanna get kicked offa this bus in th' middle'a nowhere person person," Ranma said. "So anyway, Sakura, th' way you fight's pretty amazin'. I don't recognize your style though. It ain't Shotokan Karate, I know that much, but I can't place it."
Sakura beamed happily. "I'm impressed," she said. "Too many people mistake the style for Shotokan. It's actually..." She scratched the back of her head. "Well, in my case, it's an imitation of the style Ryu-sama and his friend Ken Masters use. I..." She pulled a face. "Don't actually know the name of the style. I've heard words like 'Satsui no Hadou' tossed around, or 'Ansatsuken', but I honestly don't think the style even has a real name."
"Oh, it's one'a those," Ranma said, nodding sagely. "Yeah, I know that kinda style. Th' ones so few people know it ain't got a real name." He snorted. "Heck, my style's name is kinda dumb, but then, th' old bastard who came up with it has a diseased brain." He frowned. "Wait, you said your style's an imitation?"
"Eheheh..." Sakura rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "I'm...kinda self-taught? I've studied my idol extensively and practiced his moves until I couldn't stand up anymore. My moves aren't anywhere close to the real thing, I know that, but even Ryu-sama himself said he was impressed." She tilted her head back and scratched her nose with the back of one finger.
"Heeeeeh," Hikaru said, eyes wide. "Sugoi, Sakura-chan!"
"You fight that good just from copyin' what you saw this Ryu guy do?" Ranma asked. "Holy crap! I mean, I'm th' best there is, but all my moves I learned from someone, or from trainin' manuals. And years of hard work an' stuff."
"Speaking of," Sakura said, "your style's pretty intense. What is it?"
"Musabetsu-kakutou," Ranma said. "It's not so much a single style as it is, well...all th' styles. We cherry-pick th' best moves from every style we come across an' fold it inta our family style. Oyaji decided aerial moves are best, so we do a lotta high moves an' stuff. Me personally, I've been pickin' up moves from all kinda crazy stuff for a while now."
"So it's like mixed martial arts, except on a super crazy level?" Sakura asked.
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Awesome," Sakura said. "So, do you fight in like tournaments, or what?"
"Nah," Ranma said dismissively. "Mostly we just train for th' sake'a the Art. I mean, sure, I've gotten in some pretty crazy fights, you pretty much can't help it sometimes, y'know? But really, we just train to keep th' Art up."
"Wow, that's so old-school," Sakura said with an impressed grin. "That's kinda like Ryu-sama. He's always going on about 'becoming a true warrior'...I don't get it, but I'm guessing it means he's just never satisfied with his own power, so he's always trying to get stronger."
"Yeah, I know some people like that," Ranma said, nodding. "Honestly? I'm fine with what I can do now, but there's always room ta learn new things, especially if I run up against somebody I can't beat."
"Like that three-eyed freak?" Sakura asked.
Ranma clenched his fists. "Yeah," he said. "If I see him again, I'm gonna pound his ass inta th' ground." He gave Sakura a sharp look. "No buttin' in next time, got it?"
Sakura nodded. "Got it," she said. "I know what it's like to wanna settle things with your own fists."
"Wow, it's like you two are made for each other," Hikaru said, giggling.
Ranma and Sakura both blushed. "Wh-what? N-no—"
"Don't go gettin' th' wrong idea!"
"Oooh, Ranma and Sakura, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N—"
"EDWARD!!"
* * * * *
"I'm startin' to think this was a stupid plan."
Edward Elric, Zack Fair, and Sephiroth stood on the roof of a damaged building, looking out over Canterlot. They were four blocks inside city limits, and the signs of a massive battle were everywhere. Not that this was a surprise; they'd seen the multiple giant robots as they approached the city.
"It's gotten...a bit complicated," Sephiroth admitted.
"A bit complicated?" Ed echoed. "Ever since I got here, it's been one bullshit giant thing after another! First there was the bullshit giant metal city, then there was the bullshit giant monster, and now there's bullshit giant robots! PLURAL!"
"Yeah," Zack agreed. "I'm starting to understand what it must feel like to be you all the time." He flashed Ed a cheeky grin, which Ed responded to with a dark scowl and a middle finger.
"I believe our destination is that castle," Sephiroth said, pointing across the city. Even with the urban sprawl, the massive, forbidding stone walls of an ancient, skull-shaped castle dominated the skyline.
"Oh SCREW THAT!" Ed cried. "That place has 'you're gonna die horribly and painfully' written all over it!"
"No joke," Zack said, scratching his head. "I mean, if we gotta we gotta, but damn."
"Let us not tarry," Sephiroth said, his coat billowing about him as he jumped down to the street. The others followed.
"So what're we hopin' we're gonna find in there?" Ed asked as he struggled to keep up with Sephiroth's purposeful stride.
Sephiroth's eyes gleamed. "Answers," he said simply.
* * * * *
"GLORIOSA! Get away—we shouldn't be going anywhere near that thing!"
Gloriosa Daisy stealthily approached the massive black pyramid which had appeared in the middle of the forest two miles from Camp Everfree. "Don't worry, I got this," Gloriosa said dismissively.
"My ass you've got this!" Timber Spruce hissed, heart pounding. "I'm telling you, this is the worst idea you've ever had!"
"Oh come on, Timber, where's your sense of adventure?"
"It's on a bus to the city, where we should be until the Marines or something can come check this thing out! They have guns and bombs! We don't even have a slingshot!"
Gloriosa scoffed and approached the pyramid. At the base, a large basalt slab served as a barricade to entry, but it was partially ajar and cracked down the middle. She found a handhold in the broken-off section and began pulling at it, straining with all her might.
"Cut it out!" Timber hissed urgently.
"Get—ngh!—over here and help me!"
"No way, sis! Get away from that thing!"
"Either—ngh!—run back to camp like a wimp, or help me open this thing, because one way or another, I'm going in!" Gloriosa insisted, face screwed up in pain and concentration.
Timber sighed. "Fine." Finding purchase on the slab, Timber added his own strength into pulling it away. With a grinding of stone and stone and a fine rain of the dust of ages, the slab gave way; the twins quickly sidestepped as it fell to the ground with a tremendous crash.
Eyeing one another apprehensively, they entered the pyramid. Timber pulled out his phone and used its light to guide the way. "This place reeks," he complained.
"This must be ancient," Gloriosa said. "Do you think we'll find mummies?"
"I don't think Anugyptians built pyramids out of basalt," Timber said. "Besides, this place feels...unnatural."
After a long hike through winding corridors of black stone, the siblings found themselves in a cavernous room whose walls were covered in luminescent lichen, with thick, tangled cobwebs and strings of old, musty fungus hanging from the ceiling. The round floor was recessed, with two stone walkways leading to the center, which was taken up by a large stone basin filled with brackish water. Along the sides of the chamber, equidistant from one another, stood four massive, forbidding stone statues: humanoid likenesses of a boar, a crocodile, a vulture, and an ox.
At the other end of the room, set in a recessed alcove surrounded by ornate carvings, was a stone sarcophagus.
"Uhh..." Timber swallowed. "Okay, so maybe there's a mummy in here."
"This is incredible!" Gloriosa said, snapping photos left and right with her phone. "What civilization do you think built this? Where did it come from?"
"Why is it getting warmer in here?" Timber asked suddenly. A thin mist crept along the floor; despite its chilly temperature, the room was growing noticeably warmer.
The sarcophagus at the other end of the room began to rumble, its stone cover sliding open with a loud grating sound. Dust rained down on the ancient floor as a dessicated blue hand, twisted into a gnarled claw and covered in old, filthy bandages, emerged.
Gloriosa stopped taking pictures, staring in slack-jawed disbelief. "What—?"
"Oh, FUCK THIS," Timber snapped, grabbing his sister's hand. "RUN!"
As Timber dragged Gloriosa along behind him, a pair of glowing red eyes gleamed from within the sarcophagus. A cold, malicious laugh echoed off the stone walls...
* * * * *
"Well this sucks," Iria said flatly, taking another long sip of her ice cold soda.
Samus, Iria, and their local informant sat around a table at Los Tacos Hermanos, piles of empty, wadded wrappers and three soda cups scattered across the table. Samus and Iria's assorted weapons occupied the middle third of their booth.
"And that's all you know?" Samus pressed.
"Yeah," the pimply geek said, nodding. "Word on the Internet is that this all started in Canterlot City and spread out from there. The whole world's gone crazy. People, buildings, entire cities, all kinds of monsters and robots—it's all showing up all over everywhere, and none of it's going away."
"Hmm," Samus mused, drumming her fingernails on the table. "We need more detailed intel," she decided. "We also need shelter and funds for the duration of our stay."
"Don't look at me," their informant said. "I live in a one-room apartment and barely make enough to live on. You ladies are on your own." He finished his soda, then stood and hastily left.
Iria sighed. "Well, at least we got a free meal out of him," she said.
"And some valuable information, even if it leaves us with more questions than answers," Samus said. She wiped her hands on a napkin, then looked around. "Now, the real question is how to proceed from here?"
"Excuse me."
The bounty hunters looked in the direction of the voice. A tall woman in a sharp navy blue suit with black stockings and heels walked over to them. She had periwinkle skin, and her frost-colored hair was tied up in a severe bun atop her head. With the imposing hairstyle, the square-framed glasses she wore, and the severe look on her face, Samus placed her age at anywhere between forty and fifty-five, and regarded her as someone used to commanding respect. "Yes?" Samus asked.
"I couldn't help but notice you ladies are rather heavily armed," the woman said. "My aides have been telling me about a pair of women who were spotted clearing the street a few blocks from here. Would that be you?"
"That's right," Samus said guardedly.
The woman nodded stiffly. "My name is Mayor Mane Knot. I was hoping I could hire you ladies to take care of a...problem..."
* * * * *
"That...does not look like a high school."
"That's one creepy looking castle," Coco said, eyes wide and terrified, as the air car descended over Castle Greyskull.
"Sunset did say the school had transformed, but she didn't mention anything about this," Trunks said. "Kinoa, can you take over? I need to check things out before we take Coco in."
"Sure thing." Trunks bailed out of the air car; Kinoa quickly slid over into the driver's seat and lazily circled the castle as Trunks disappeared inside. A few minutes later, he came back out and gave them the signal to land.
Once they were on the ground, Kinoa got out and helped a frightened Coco out, then capsulized the car, tossing it to Trunks. "So what's the story?" Kinoa asked.
"Damnedest thing I ever saw," Trunks said, scratching his head. "This castle basically ate the high school."
"Ate it?" Kinoa echoed, raising an eyebrow.
"See for yourself," Trunks said, gesturing the way inside.
As the three of them made their way up the walk, two Pinkie Pies skipped past them. "Hi Trunks!" Pinkie Pie said. "Glad to see you're back, can't wait to meet your friends, this is Mina, she just got here, let's all go inside and catch up!"
The second Pinkie Pie, who had gold-on-black eyes, laughed. "She's full of spunk, isn't she?" she said. "Pleased to meet you and wow, this is one crazy evil-looking castle!"
"Whoa, was that two Pinkie Pies?" Rainbow Dash called from above. Trunks, Kinoa, and Coco looked up to see Rainbow descend from above, limned in emerald light. Cadance floated gracefully to the ground behind her, glowing with a violet aura.
Trunks blinked. "What—what happened to you two?" he asked.
"Magic power rings," Rainbow said, holding up her right hand to show her ring even as she dissipated her costume. "Cool, huh?" Then her eyes flicked past Trunks, and she tensed. "We got incoming," she said.
Everyone who was still outside followed her gaze. Two men and a teenage boy approached the castle. The tall leader had long, silver hair and was dressed all in black. The other man had spiky black hair, a black uniform, and an enormous sword. The teen with them had a long blond braid, a red longcoat, and a determined glint in his eyes.
Trunks felt an immediate sense of danger from the tallest of the three, and intercepted him. "May I help you?" he asked.
The silver-haired man nodded once, curtly. "We represent the Shinra Corporation," he said simply. "Our city, Midgar, was transported to this world by a force unlike anything we have ever seen. We have tracked the source of that power here, to this castle. My associates and I have been dispatched to retrieve the source so that our scientists may examine it and reverse its effects."
"Sorry, friend," Trunks said. "We've got our own team on it, and it isn't going anywhere."
"I see," the silver-haired man said. He eyed Trunks shrewdly. "I don't suppose we can negotiate this matter?"
Trunks narrowed his eyes. "You are welcome to speak to our people," he said. "But I'm afraid I can't let you enter the castle. I don't entirely trust you."
The man nodded again. "Wise," he said. "We could, of course, force the issue."
"You're welcome to try," Trunks said, allowing a fraction of his power to slip out.
The tall man watched him for a long, tense moment, then took a step back. "I must consult with my superiors," he said. "We will meet again." He turned with a dramatic sweep of his coat and walked away, the others following behind him with curious glances back at Trunks.
Once they were gone, Kinoa tilted her head, one hand on her hip. "Well that was a pissing contest," she said. "Those three gonna be trouble?"
"Count on it," Trunks said. "We'd better tell Sunset."
* * * * *
"Forgive the bumpy ride," Mayor Mane Knot said. "We've had our share of troubles in recent days."
"Understandable, from what we've heard since we arrived," Samus said. The three women were in the back of a black SUV, being driven by a uniformed police officer. "Now, what's this problem you were talking about?"
"In short, Cumulus Court—the heights district of town, where our most affluent citizenry live, as well as my own residence—has developed something of a pest control problem."
"Pest control? Madam Mayor, we're bounty hunters, not exterminators," Iria said.
"Unless you're understating the problem and these aren't your typical bugs," Samus added.
"They are not," Mane Knot said, nodding. "We've already lost six police officers before we evacuated Cumulus Court. Then we had that mess on the drag, and we were spread too thin to deal with everything—not that we have weapons that worked on either the robots or the bugs."
Samus sighed. "This is all starting to feel way too familiar," she said.
"We've actually managed to stop a few of the bugs," Mane Knot said. "High-powered rifles take out the little ones. The problem is the big one, the king bug. He's dangerous, he's sentient, he's insane, and—"
"And he can make more bugs," Samus guessed.
"Right." Mane Knot adjusted her glasses. "If you ladies can take care of this problem, preferably without destroying Cumulus Court, you can name your reward."
"We're here, ma'am," the officer said.
"Right," Mane Knot said. "Do we have a deal?"
"We'll take care of your bug problem," Samus said confidently. "Just let us out, get out of here for your own safety, and circle back when the explosions stop."
"Yep, that's exactly like home," Iria muttered as she rounded up her guns. Samus slid open the side door and emerged, her blaster and shield at the ready. Iria fell in step behind her. The SUV took off again.
The two hunters looked up at the mansion they'd been dropped off in front of. It had seen better days. The grounds were wrecked, the mansion had holes in the walls and splattered gore on the roof. Bits of chewed-up police officers littered the grounds. Alien bugs with bright-colored, striped shells and many limbs flew in low, buzzing circles around the house.
"Well, they're patrolling," Samus observed calmly. "So where's the king?"
"Did somebody call for the King?"
A heavy buzzing filled the air. From a thick, red-leaved tree, a massive, bulbous head topped with a pointy golden crown appeared. A white lace ruff framed a cartoonish face with a bulbous nose.
"What...the...hell?" Iria asked, staring slack-jawed.
Then the rest of the creature appeared: purple chitin, strangely candy-shaped bits connecting its head to its body, its segmented bug legs and thorax alternating colors of bright orange. Its foremost pair of limbs were long, purple, and ended in lace cuffs and four-fingered claws. It gave the appearance of an odd little cartoon king fused with a science fiction nightmare bug.
Samus stared in disbelief. "You gotta be kidding me."
"HAVE SOME CANDY!"
And then all hell broke loose.
* * * * *
Four hours into a five hour bus ride, the little Japanese group and their hyper tagalong were getting hungry.
"We shoulda bought more snacks," Ranma grumbled as he dug through his bag. "I didn't think I'd get this hungry again so soon after that big lunch." He pulled out a medium-sized bag of pork rinds and a bottle of water.
"Ed bought snacks!" Radical Edward said cheerfully. "It's all candy though." She dug through her bag and started passing out cellophane packets of gummy bears, orange slices, chocolate covered raisins, and gumdrops.
"Thanks, Ed-chan," Hikaru said as she took a wrapped honey bun and a bottle of iced tea out of her bag. "I think I'll be good with this," she said. "Sakura-chan? Are you good?"
"Huh? Yeah, I'm good," Sakura said, rummaging through her bag. She came out with a protein bar and a round violet fruit that looked like an oversized plum, with strange swirl patterns on its skin.
"Ooh, what kind of fruit is that?" Ed wondered.
"Dunno," Sakura said. "I found it yesterday, decided to hang onto it for a bit. This is as good a time as any, I guess." She took a huge bite of the fruit. Her eyes started watering, and her face twisted up in a furious grimace. "GAH!"
"What's wrong?" Ranma asked.
"That's the nastiest tasting fruit I've ever tasted," Sakura said, taking a bottled juice from her bag and uncapping it. She drained the bottle in one gulp, then unwrapped her protein bar and bit off a huge chunk of it.
Hikaru eyed the half-eaten fruit dubiously. "I hope that wasn't poisonous," she said.
Sakura turned green. "Oh god, I didn't even think of that," she said. She frowned. "Well, I didn't eat much of it, so I should be alright. Unless it gives me like, super diarrhea or something..." She opened the window next to her and unceremoniously tossed the remains of the fruit out into the empty field.
Ranma bit his lip. "We'd...better stay the night in Cloudsdale, just in case," he decided.
Sakura grimaced. "Sorry, guys, that was pretty dumb, huh?"
"It's okay, Sakura-chan," Hikaru said. "Besides, honestly? After hours on this bus, I think I'd rather get a good night's sleep on a soft bed than be cooped up on a train all night."
* * * * *
Timber and Gloriosa ran screaming through the woods, the maniacal cackles of the undead creature echoing through the night. Behind them, the eerie red eyes of Mumm-Ra the Everliving shone like rubies as he flew over the treetops. Red lightning lashed out from his eyes, setting trees ablaze and scorching grass.
"BOW BEFORE MUMM-RA AND DESPAIR! SACRIFICE YOURSELVES TO MY EVIL!"
"What...IS...that...thing?" Gloriosa gasped out.
"I have...no idea...but it certainly isn't Gaia Everfree!"
Gloriosa tripped on a rock. Timber wheeled around and bent down to help her up. "Come on, we need to move!"
"My...ankle," Gloriosa said, biting back a cry of pain.
Timber glanced up. Mumm-Ra was approaching rapidly. He looked around frantically, desperate to find anything they could use to save themselves...
"MANCHESTER SMASH!"
Something dropped out of the treetops, crashing into Mumm-Ra with enough force to drive him into the loamy ground, leaving a crater. Timber braced himself against a pressure wave that spread from the impact, snuffing out all the fires set by Mumm-Ra's blasts.
Whatever had hit Mumm-Ra backflipped away from the demon and landed protectively between him and the siblings. In the fading light of dusk, Timber took in their apparent savior from head to toe.
He looked to be slightly older than Timber, tall and lean but solidly muscled, with broad shoulders. He wore a forest green bodysuit with dark red trim, enormous, thick-soled red hiking boots, and thick gold-colored gloves that extended almost all the way up to his shoulders, visibly reinforced with armor and trimmed in scarlet. Numerous pouches lined a thick suede belt. A long green scarf trailed behind him, nearly indistinguishable from his messy dark green hair. He turned to face them, and flashed Timber a confident, reassuring grin.
"No need to worry," he said. "I am here!"