Suddenly unsure of herself, Vivid tried to determine where she'd landed. She couldn't feel the ground, but she wasn't falling. She couldn't activate her perception spell, meaning either she'd burned out her horn for the moment, or she was in the clutches of something designed to nullify magic. But she didn't feel pain or pressure.
She shifted, but only managed to wobble, without feeling anything change.
"I didn't expect you, of all ponies, to be here."
Vivid immediately placed the voice as Clover. Her fellow archmage, and violator of gender norms.
"And where exactly is 'here' Clover?" Vivid asked as she turned her head towards the sound of hooves.
"A trap for windagos," Clover chuckled. "A Web of magic that grabs onto spirits of disharmony and malcontent, and keeps them there. So I wonder, are you truly Vivid Colour at all?"
Vivid frowned, crossing her forelegs. "I'm not a spirit, that's for certain. You have a thousand ways to determine that I am me, I don't see the point in entertaining the question. But clearly something is wrong with your spell, if it fetched me, mid trans-location."
"Ah, but that would explain it," Clover agreed as Vivid felt herself start to descend. "If you found a way to trans-locate, and were particularly emotional at the time, your thaumic signature would be warped by the emotions. You would appear a being of emotion to my sensor. I will have to adjust for that, make a spell to avoid creatures with a heartbeat or something."
Vivid huffed as she touched the ground, and her perception spell came to life. She was in a spherical stone room. Bizarre, to be on the inside of a sphere, but particularly powerful for forming a spell meant to contain. She could also perceive Clover, in their robes as usual, though with a flower tucked in their mane.
"I know, an odd look for me, isn't it?" Clover chuckled as Vivid stared.
"Well, just unusual. Not bad at all. But I've grown accustomed to you being serious."
"Ah. Well, a strict approach does have its advantages. One of which is getting right to the point. Why are you here and not on your way to that sleepy farming village?" Clover's whole demeanor changed, suddenly so much more blunt and confident.
Vivid nearly cursed, having hoped to leave before that came up. But she calmed her outer appearance.
"Her royal highness, Princess Luna, felt it necessary to visit me during my mission, and I needed some time alone to think."
"You actually love her!" Clover said in shock, making Vivid jolt backwards in an equal measure of surprise.
"How could you know that?!" She snapped.
Clover cleared her throat and shook her head before chuckling.
"I'm sorry, a... an ability I have. I can feel certain emotions. When you spoke her name... well..."
Vivid looked at Clover as though she was a new sort of monster that might lash out. "You can feel emotions? That’s absurd."
“Of course it is, I simply guessed,” Clover corrected herself, but Vivid was uncertain.
Her friend’s nervousness was uncharacteristic, and she’d seemed so certain when she first spoke out. But Vivid did not want to address the issue, she shook her head and turned away.
“Regardless, that love may be futile. I may as well begin planning to flee Equestria.”
Much calmer once her misstep was being ignored, Clover sighed and grabbed Vivid with her magic.
“No, nonono, stop this. Tell me what happened.”
“I don’t owe you an explanation, Clover,” Vivid replied as she charged her horn and dissolved the magic holding her, but her tone wasn’t as acidic as her magical energy, and it did not drive Clover away.
“You are correct. You do not owe me anything. But as a friend I’d like to know why you are now preparing to leave, when before you had been quite happy with your new position, and this home.”
“Because she believes she is superior to me, and can tell me what to do,” Vivid scoffed, turning back to the door and climbing the wooden slats that formed a diagonal sort of ladder up to the entryway.
“Have you contemplated that, as a seven hundred year old alicorn, she might be worth listening to?” Clover asked as she followed Vivid up and back into the Archway complex, all stone walls with air shafts in the ceiling that let fresh mountain air circulate.
Vivid focused on following the hallways, matching the markings on the walls with her knowledge of how the Archway’s home was arranged. She didn’t reply.
“Besides, I can’t imagine the dark brooding princess stating that she’s better than you,” Clover scoffed, still following behind.
“Please, just… Leave me alone. I’ll pack my things and be gone before moonset.”
“Then what, we get stuck with a moping Luna, no Court Mage, and a bunch of public questions?” Clover replied, her voice stained with sarcasm, or maybe scorn.
Vivid chose to hear it as scorn.
“That’s all you care about, isn’t it?” Vivid asked as she turned to face Clover. “How it will effect you?!”
“No, but it got you to reply to me, and stop acting as though I was a ghost following you around,” Clover snapped in reply before getting right in Vivid’s face. “You’re running on emotion, pure emotion. It’s several hours past moonset, it’s almost midday! You’re talking about leaving before whenever, so determined to vanish, but you don’t actually want to leave. I know you don’t. We’ve talked enough about your past life that I know this is the closest thing to home you've ever had. I'm not going to let you destroy it in a fit of emotion!”
Vivid didn't have an answer to her. She was angry, she was emotional, but it felt more like she was being ignored than like she was overreacting. She wanted her life to fall apart, for everything to decay so she would be proven right. So she could say that all those who had cared really were lying.
But something about the honesty and concern in Clover's face gave her pause, and as tears started streaming down her cheeks, she turned away and took a shaking breath.
“I won't leave.”
“Good mare,” Clover whispered, putting a hoof to her back.
She then guided Vivid to her private room, and helped her into bed, before Vivid was alone, and could cry herself to sleep.
As Vivid drifted toward unconsciousness, she felt feathers brush across her whole body, and she felt a warm presence around her, warming some deep ache in her heart.
"Go away," Vivid whispered, but she didn't mean it. Silently, she was begging for Luna to stay.
Her silent wish won out, as the warmth grew and she was surrounded by comfort.
When she finally drifted into dreams, Luna was there, smiling.
It was as though nothing was wrong. The world had no pain, and Vivid laughed as she ran up and tackled Luna into the grass, rolling down a small hill entangled.
“Take me flying!” Vivid said quickly, far more excited than she would feel comfortable being when awake.
“Oh? Are you not afraid?” Luna asked as she picked Vivid up and put her on Luna’s back.
“Never! I know you wouldn’t drop me,” Vivid declared as she charged her horn and cast out a net of perception that extended far out beyond her normal sight, allowing her to see the ground and trees as Luna spread her wings and they began to fly upward.
The moon far above them cast a magical glow across Vivid’s own magical net, and Vivid looked up to it, the shimmering silver sphere.
“Is it you?” Vivid asked curiously.
“Hmm?”
“Is… Is the moon, you? Is it your heart?” Vivid clarified.
Luna laughed softly as they swing in the sky to form a wide circle. “No. Not in such a sense. It existed before I did, and will exist forever. But for as long as I am tied to it, it is a crucial part of me. I can see through it, I can even transport myself to its surface if I so wish, though there is no air.”
“No air…” Vivid said, in awe of learning so much, as she lay on Luna’s back, gently running her hoof down Luna’s neck, before she giggled. “But we could bring air! We could grow a tree! On the moon!”
“Yes,” Luna agreed, grinning with amusement, “I suppose that we could, if you would like to.”
They flew in silence, Vivid humming as she watched the stars, her mind creating swirls of color among them, and thin branching lines to form constellations. Then she paused and nuzzled the back of Luna’s neck.
“Yes, Vivid?”
“I’m going to wake up, aren’t I? And you’re going to be gone. I’m going to be alone. Floating in a boat, out in the water.”
Vivid’s voice was faint, and it pitched up as she spoke, as though she was having trouble breathing, panic coming in towards her.
Luna exerted her control over the dream to prevent it from returning to that memory of the rocking boat and the saltwater spray. It was difficult, that memory clearly tortured Vivid, and she’d never resolved it. It still held much power over her. But Luna was the princess of dreams, and she would not let it drown her love.
“When you awake, you will find me near to you, Vivid,” Luna insisted gently. “You will not return to that place. You will not be alone.”
“Yes I will.”
Storm clouds began to mask the stars and moon above, and cold wind whipped past them as they flew, but Luna did not hesitate. This was a change in the dream that Vivid had created, and it would hurt her to force it.
“Why do you say that, Vivid?” Luna asked.
“Because I am evil. I am a killer. Noone stays.”
The wind began to claw at Luna, as though trying to rip her mane from her head, but Luna couldn’t resist it. This wasn’t just a memory, this was a belief that Vivid had. It was potent and filled with self hatred that Luna hadn’t seen before. Then again, she had not visited the dream of someone who loved her before. She wondered if that made it easier for her to be tied to the emotions present.
“You declare such things as though they were fact,” Luna said loudly so she could be heard over the wind. “But yet I remain! This past year within my castle, and I have kept you close, perhaps you are not so cursed as you believe!”
Luna felt a sudden gust, and the weight of Vivid leave her back. Then she was falling, and lost in the winds, unable to find Vivid.
Then she was waking up from the dream, holding a struggling Vivid who was whimpering loudly as she thrashed.
Luna could see that Vivid’s brow was slick with sweat, and her face contorted in anger and pain. With a powerful spell, Luna banished Vivid’s dreams and cleared her mind of emotion for a moment, allowing her to awake from her state of panic.
Luna had grown used to Vivid’s movements and actions, and was comforted to see Vivid’s horn light and her perception spell expand around them, making Vivid’s mane ripple as though in a light breeze. Luna blushed a little, as she admired the glow that filled Vivid’s eyes and then faded to a slight shimmer.
“I was having a dream,” Vivid began to say before looking to Luna and frowning, standing up. “Then you…”
With the accusatory tone in her voice growing, Luna sighed and grabbed hold of Vivid in her magic. She lifted Vivid off the ground and began carrying her through the hallways.
“Put me down!”
“You are one of my ponies, Vivid. I can take you into custody as I see fit. One of the nastier aspects of a monarchy. Tell me, Vivid Colour, why are you angry with me?” Luna asked calmly.
Vivid spluttered, struggling to free herself as they exited the Archway chambers and began walking down the long hallways back to the castle.
“You called me blind!”
Luna paused, thinking on the claim. “Well, but you are. If I remember correctly, you are quite proud of that fact aren’t you?”
Vivid actually growled before she cast a spell, but Luna absorbed it without her magic failing.
“Do not attempt to hurt me, Vivid,” Luna said softly. “You will regret it, for you have a conscience even if you do not listen to it. Now, why are you angry with me?”
Vivid struggled to put her roaring emotions into words, until finally she hisses out an answer. “You act like you know me, like you can control me. When I know that once you decide I’m too broken for you, you will leave.”
Luna sat down, and gently set Vivid down, looking into her eyes.
“Vivid Colour, I am experienced in this fear of loss you have. I am… old. Perhaps not as wise as many mares who are only a century old, I have a unique experience that they and you also share. Over the years, countless times, I have grown close to somepony only to watch them fade or grow distant, or even if they do not, they pass on. To the place I will never go. I am left behind, to continue onward without those I loved or cared for.”
“I don’t care about your pain!” Vivid shouted at her, stomping a hoof on the stone floor. “The fact that you hurt has no bearing on my own pain.”
“But it does, for I have continued on despite loss!” Luna replied just as loudly. “What you imagine as a final sort of ultimate pain which you cannot conquer, I have suffered and survived countless times! I have grown from it, become more wise and a better pony, not because I spent my entire life dreading what would come next, but because I memorialized and cared for what I had, when I had it, and was thankful for what I had when it was gone. If you continue obsessing over pain yet to come, yes. You will be filled with pain. Constantly. But that will not prevent me from remaining by your side. I’ve loved only once before, I will not give up on loving you just because you are determined to drive me away!”
Vivid wanted to lash out, she didn’t know how to cope with the assertion that Luna would stay by her side, despite Luna also criticizing her. The criticism made her angry, so angry she wanted to run away, but Luna could go anywhere to find her. She wanted to be alone, but the only time recently she’d been alone was at sea, and that was a nightmare she did not want to return to. She was trapped, and as tears began to spill from her eyes, she slammed her hoof into the ground again, and again.
“Let me be right! Let me go! I hate you!” Vivid screamed.
“That’s not true. I know it’s frightening, but letting yourself love will not result in me dying. It will not result in you being alone again. You can trust me, not to be perfect, but to be your love.”
Vivid collapsed, sobbing as she lost control of her magic, and daggers of magic shot out from her, but Luna was unaffected. The magic dissolved when it touched the alicorn, and she moved closer to wrap herself around the little pony on the floor, holding her.
“You’ll leave me,” Vivid sobbed.
“Do not look into the future and dread, Vivid. Look to the now. Look to the love you have, and my promise to care for you,” Luna countered.
“Promise?” Vivid sobbed, feeling like the word was almost foreign to her. “What… does a promise do for me?”
“It is a bond on my honor,” Luna said as she lifted Vivid from the ground and began walking again. “It is a bond between us. To inspire confidence in you. So that maybe you can learn to trust me.”
Vivid shook her head hard, in rebellion of even the idea, but she didn’t struggle as she was put onto Luna’s back and carried through the castle to Luna’s private chambers.
The great doors closed behind them as Vivid let herself sniffle, feeling hollow and spent, draped over Luna’s wings and back like a sack of flour. She certainly didn’t feel like a court mage.
“You must believe in something positive, in order to build a new self that is not constantly decaying, Vivid,’ Luna said as she poured a glass of water for the little pony, and provided a cloth kerchief to blow her nose and dry her face.
“I don’t want to change,” Vivid murmured as she dried her tears, blew her nose, and finally drank the whole glass of water.
She had to struggle not to cough, but she didn’t want to seem weak.
“Then why did you keep learning with Line? Why did you join the Archway, and learn so much about magic? It is all change, Vivid. It is the change of pride and self hatred that you avoid, which are most crucial to change, in the end.”
Vivid grit her teeth, but she felt herself breaking.
It was, in a way, worse than when she'd felt the blood of two innocent children running down her back. That time, when she'd first broken, it had been mindless. She had been crushed by the weight of her actions, and the lies she'd had to spin to continue living, and her heart had broken by the facts. Feelings had come later, in a boat in the middle of an ocean.
But now she felt her heart breaking like a bone being re-set. Her emotions ripping her open, as she dared to feel. Like a drowning pony gasping for air, lungs burning and no promise of respite, she was breaking the surface under which she'd been buried for far too long.
But oddly, she did not cry more. Her tears abated, while her mind and heart took the pain.
"What could I possibly believe in?"
Luna gave it some thought, as she held Vivid. Briefly, she was distracted by thoughts of how strong Vivid had been. In only a year, coming so far from where she had been. In only one day, accepting Luna's love even though it had thrown her world into turmoil. She remembered when Vivid had first arrived, and Vivid's childhood. What she knew of it, anyway.
She smiled.
"You worshiped my sister, did you not? When you were a child?"
Vivid was momentarily shaken out of her dazed state as she looked up at Luna. She'd never heard Luna speak of her sister except for in very somber tones, now she almost seemed to be referring to Celestia as the goddess that Vivid had seen them both as for so long, worthy of admiration. It was at odds with how Vivid thought Luna saw her sister.
"Yes... Yes I did, but I've noticed very few revere the sun in your nocturnal land, Luna. Fewer still wear the sun sign."
Luna sighed, nodding in agreement. "This is true but it is not by my command that it is so. It is due to a mistake many years ago. A weakness of pride exploited by those loyal to me, to extinguish my sister's flame. But now, after... maturing, I have found it is a bitter thing indeed to realize that few even know her name. Few even know why my old castle is called the castle of the two sisters. If her memory could bring you comfort, could help the one pony I love, then I will unseal long kept vaults, find her old books, and give you all the permission you need to care for her memory. Perhaps that would let her care for you as well, in a way."
Vivid tried to steady her breathing, her grip on her emotions still unsteady.
"The teachings of Celestia... A crucial portion of it all, if I am remembering correctly, was that one must worship with others. Never alone. Is there a church still to her? Or those who would worship if they were permitted?"
"I am certain they exist," Luna nodded. "I could give you their information, so you may contact them. Worship together."
Vivid cleaned her face and blew her nose before standing and nodding.
"When I return then... I have a task before me, as you commanded. I must complete it. Then, I will begin the new church."
"I can take you back to the camp, Vivid," Luna offered.
"I believe... I need to do this myself," Vivid declined as she lit her horn and began forming the teleportation spell.
This time it was very careful, methodical in how she formed her spell just as Luna had, and then she vanished with a pop of magic, reappearing in the camp at the base of the mountain.