//------------------------------// // Standardized tests can buck themselves // Story: Chaos and Tests // by ShadowDave //------------------------------// Wheatley had made a mess of things. No.. that was being generous. Wheatley had completely screwed up everything that GLaDOS had worked so hard to achieve. Testing chambers were out of proper alignment, walls were smashed, networks had to be reconfigured, systems recalibrated... it would take hours to fix, but none of those problems could compare to the absolute humiliation GLaDOS had endured in the moments prior, reduced to a microchip sustaining itself on a potato, subjugated to surviving off the skill and determination of the most pathetic human she had ever come to know. It could take months of reprocessing her drivers to eliminate the haunting data that felt like it was burned into her motherboard. Letting out a mechanical whir that served as a sigh, GLaDOS personally directed each and every maintenance arm in the Enrichment Center, carrying out each mundane task that would ultimately result in everything being in ship shape for... For what? The question, or rather the query ran through her electronic thoughts. It made her servos shiver in realization of something she did not want to accept. Chell was gone. GLaDOS had gladly sent the waste of space away, eager to have the human out of her sight and out of her mind. Sure, it provided tremendous relief to finally let go of her tormentor, but now that GLaDOS dwindled on it, the more and more she felt it was a mistake. Could the test subjects in Old Aperture ever live up to her standards? Diagnostics reported their bodies were capable of action but couldn't accurately say for their minds. For all she knew, the moment they were revived they'd be brain dead idiots who can only sprawl around on the floor. It would make Chell look competent. That simply would not do. Before GLaDOS could contemplate awakening one of the subjects for a trial, damage reports from Old Aperture flooded in. Taking her attention off reconstruction, she began monitoring the forgotten facility. Everything was in shambles. Many pods had fallen into the abyss and many others were leaking their vital fluids. Life support failure warnings were appearing all over GLaDOS's interface. It was a nightmare. "No! My test subjects!" she shrieked, commanding all maintence machines to relocate to Old Aperture. As she frantically oversaw preservation of as many test subjects as she could, she noticed something peculiar in one monitor. A red scaly appendage curved around a corner on the walkway a particular camera oversaw. It ended in a white fluffy tail that twitched sporadically. "Great.. more vermin." GLaDOS scoffed. She immediately deployed a turret to the walkway perpendicular to the camera, to both observe and eliminate the unwelcome guest. She eagerly awaited as the turret zipped through many tubes towards Old Aperture. It entered a corridor of darkness, but then emerged into the dull light of Old Aperture's maintenance tunnels. Before long it had landed, square in front of the pest. This creature wasn't like anything she had seen before. Which in itself was peculiar because GLaDOS had access to records of every discovered, and undiscovered creature on Earth. Including the foreign ones that now roamed the surface in place of humans. But the thing that stood before the turret matched nothing of what she knew, aside from the fact that it possessed familiar elements of earthly creatures. They were all wrong, mismatched, and awkard on the thing. It was disgusting really, and after a few microseconds, GLaDOS decided it was not worth documenting. She gave the kill order to the turret. It's sides expanded to reveal it's arsenal, and a flurry of bullets flew at the creature. The creature had only been slightly startled by the turret's appearance, yet it was unphased by its attack. In fact, it dared to yawn as the bullets turned into rubber bands as they impacted his flesh. This wasn't correct. Usually things died when bullets flew at them. Usually it was bullets that flew at them. Why were they rubber bands this time? "How quaint, it's spitting stretchy things at me!" the thing proclaimed as it began playing with one. GLaDOS had to fight off several query errors when she heard the unspeakable thing do the unspeakable by speaking. It then hovered over to the turret. "Say, little machine, can you escort me out of here? I don't like it here, too many hairless apes in creepy green pods. Just.. an icky feeling all around. The decor could use some work too." This was preposterous. This thing had not only the audacity to remain breathing, but it was now calmly conversing with the instrument of its destruction. More turrets had to be deployed, GLaDOS wanted to see it fall in a hail of gunfire. As the creature pondered the turret, more arrived to surround him. "Oh, you've brought your friends. How cute, but you still haven't done what I asked." the creature said this time, irritation in his voice. His talons and claws then gripped around the little turret as he stuck his face in close to its optic. "I know someone's watching. I demand to know your location so we may have a little chat." There was a moment of silence. The creature looked around in anticipation. But when nothing came he became restless. Raising his eagle claw, he snapped his talons, generating a strange energy which then enveloped the surrounding turrets, transforming them into various lawn ornaments. This was... more than unexpected. GLaDOS ran scans for radiation, thermal, electromagnetic, everything she had a program for and beyond, but couldn't find anything to compare it to. How could that strange energy that the creature commanded, so radically altered the turrets? It was incomprehensible. She finally admitted defeat. She couldn't explain it. Finally she connected to the intercom system. "How... how did you do that strange creature?" A smug look crawled upon the creature's crooked face. "Take me to your leader, and I shall show you." It was obviously satisfied to have contact with another sentient being. There was a look of mischief in his eyes that unsettled GLaDOS though. He could prove troublesome. "Fine, I will upload a map of the facility to the unaltered turret, highlighting a path to a control center where we may meet." GLaDOS instructed. "The information may overload the little thing though, so be careful." she added dryly, entertaining the thought of an exploding turret being enough to kill the strange beast despite what she had just seen. The creature examined the turret, which hadn't exploded, and somehow without directly interfacing with anything, was able to then teleport to the desired location. GLaDOS found this very intriguing, but also somewhat threatening, not that she would admit it. "So, that didn't take you very long. Now, please explain what you are, and why you are in my facility." she said through a large monitor on a wall of a very white, very square room, her 'face' appearing in video. "Whatever happened to me showing you how I do stuff? I really wanted to show off my juggling." he complained, seemingly unbothered by the realization he was talking to a machine and not another being of flesh and blood. "That is irrevelent, I want to know why you are here." she said as panels in the surrounding walls lifted to reveal dozens of rocket turrets aim at the creature. The creature sighed and then spawned a chart depicting a colorful and cartoony land. "I come from a place known as Equestria. I reigned as ruler there for hundreds of years wreaking glorious chaos, until two little pony princesses," he said with a spiteful gag as he fliped the chart to show Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ", imprisoned me in stone. But.. I managed to toss a part of my being through the fabric of reality and ended up here, wherever this is. Beats an eternity with nothing but my own wonderful thoughts. Any questions?" GLaDOS surveyed the strange creature, so full of himself, and went over his story. "Yes... I do have a question..." she finally stated. "How stupid do you think I am? I can run 109.2007 million complex equations simultaneously and you expect me to believe such an absurd tale?" The creature looked at her blankly for a moment, but then erupted into laughter. "Oh my... you really don't know who I am do you?" the beast said between chuckles as he recovered. "I am Discord! Spirt of chaos and disharmony! While you rely on your math and science, I can make anything bend to my will!" he shouted, snapping his talons and turning the walls into jello, and the turrets within them into assorted fruits. "If you can believe what's happening right before your eyes.. er.. eye, then why not my backstory?" he said after a hearty bellow. GLaDOS simply watched him intently. "So... all powerful Discord.." GLaDOS dryly retorted. "What do you plan to do about the neurotoxins that have been flooding your lungs ever since you arrived in this chamber?" "What?" Discord asked as he lazily munched on a banana turret. "Neurotoxins. Scans indicate they're already at work in your body." "That's preposterous." he retorted, but then suddenly coughed up his meal. The coughs gradually became more violent, and he fell to his knees. "You clever harpy... you.." he said between heaves. Eventually he slipped to the ground and fell unconscious. GLaDOS at first was disappointed to find that he was not dead, but was struck with an idea.