This Can't Be Happening

by StayOuttaMyShed


Chapter 9: End of the Line

There's something stressful about being on a train ride taking you to a portal leading to another world. Maybe it was the excitement about finally being able to go back home after being worried that I may never get to. Perhaps it was the awkwardness of having to think of an excuse to explain why I'd been gone. It could be the worry about something going wrong with the portal, maybe taking me to another cartoon entirely rather than the real world. But perhaps most of all, it could be the dread from the fact that the lead we were following could be a dead end, meaning there might not even be a portal in this Appleloosa to begin with. All of the above? Yeah, I'm thinking all of the above.

Thankfully I at least had company to help make the ride go by faster. Seeing as this could be the last chance for me to speak with the group, now it was their turn to ask me more questions of back home. Applejack and I compared farm life between our worlds. We seemed to handle a lot of things the same, though we never kicked our trees to gather fruit. I asked why they didn't just employ a unicorn to retrieve apples with magic since that had to be much faster than individually bucking trees, but she insisted that it wouldn't be the same. Hard working yet stubborn as can be? Yup, she was definitely a farmer.

Rainbow Dash then asked about what sports and such are like for humans. I was surprised to hear that pretty much every main sport existed for them in some form or another, you'd think stuff like Basketball and Football would be tricky with no fingers. But then again their hooves didn't obey any laws of logic to begin with. I did make sure to tell her about events we have such as the Super Bowl and World Cup, but I also made it known I was more of a band kinda guy than a sports guy. The mention of big spectacles also prompted Pinkie to ask about what kinds of parties and celebrations we have back home. That eventually turned into talks of holidays, and a lot of their versions of holidays seemed to be renamed but otherwise similar.

Next up was Fluttershy who asked about, what else, animals. It was interesting to hear which animals seemed to be fully sapient and capable of speech, like donkeys, buffalo, and even cows. Meanwhile others like fish and dogs weren't. Except for a group of dogs that kidnapped Rarity once, apparently? Sounded like some Goofy and Pluto shit to me. Something in the conversation Twilight also found especially interesting was just how many species existed in Equestria that were just creatures of fiction for us. These guys had Windigos, Changelings, Hyrdas and more? Shit, place was more dangerous than I thought.

And of course we didn't have dragons, which caught everypony by surprise, especially Spike. He started to get nervous about what would happen if he were to go through the portal if his kind doesn't exist in my world, but I pointed out how humans don't exist here and I simply became a pony. He'd probably just turn into a gecko or something. Meanwhile the topics brought up by Rarity lasted the shortest since we shared the least amount of interests, though I shared what I could about the goings on with fashion for humans. I did feel tempted to point out how it's weird for any humans to be without clothes and wondered why a fashionista pony of all characters also chose to go nude, but I didn't want to make things weird. Especially since Spike was sweet on her.

On that note, when it came time for Twilight to brief the others on the plan for when we arrived at Appleloosa, the dragon took that opportunity to tell me about his date since she had already gone over the plan with him multiple times the night before. Spike and Rarity's date seemed to have gone well, he claimed they had gone bowling before later having a romantic dinner. You would think someone with fingers to utilize the holes in a bowling ball would have the upper hand, but apparently she steamrolled him. Personally, as he continued to describe their dinner it seemed to me like it was more of a puppy love situation and the vast differences the two had would eventually stop things from going further, but I was proud that the date I sorta, kinda, not really helped set up seemed to be a success.

Eventually, the whistle of the train bellowed from ahead. Outside I could see the familiar old west-style houses from the very same episode that started this whole mess. This was it, do or die time. Well, do or 'be stuck in a cartoon for who knows how long' time was more accurate, but that doesn't sound as cool. The plan was simple, since they didn't know how powerful or unpredictable the portal could be if it appears, the others were going to spread throughout the city to make sure nopony else could come nearby. Applejack had contacted her cousin about finding an excuse to get everypony out of the town for the day, but it was possible there would still be stragglers around the city that may have slept in or something. It was best to make sure the area was safe. Meanwhile, Pinkie would lead me to the area she had originally pulled me in from. Since we knew for a fact she could go through to my world and back without issue, it wouldn't be a problem having her around.

"We'll come to see you off if it's safe," Spike said as we piled out of the train. Seeing as this was a fairly nothing middle of nowhere town, we were unsurprisingly the only ones to depart at the stop. "But in the chance that the portal does pop up and we can't get near it... well, I guess this is it." He grinned, holding out his hand for a little fist bump. I was happy to return the gesture. "So, yeah, thanks again for everything."

"It was fun!" Rainbow Dash hovered over, repeating the same gesture as Spike with her hoof. "Sorry that you gotta go back to boring, flightless life again." She chuckled, having dipped that comment in plenty of sarcasm. Though I wouldn't lie, losing the ability to fly WAS gonna be a bit of a bummer.

Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight stuck to a more plain hug for their goodbyes. Not really my style, but I wasn't going to be rude and decline. Once everything was all said and done, Twilight apparently felt the need to brief Pinkie one last time. "Just come and get us if it's safe for us to be around. The town isn't too big, so we should be easy to find."

"You can count on me!" Pinkie did a little salute with her front hoof, grinning at her bookworm friend and then back at me. "Come on, Morgan, let's get you home!"

As soon as she was done saying it, Pinkie Pie was already hopping off on her merry way without waiting for a response. Not needing to get left behind, I gave the others a final wave before catching up. Being in unfamiliar territory, I remembered very little about the town from when I originally watched the episode, I left it up to her to lead the way.

"So where exactly are we going again?" I asked to pass the time. "From what I remember, that episode was all over the place throughout."

"The stage on the outskirts of town where I originally did my song," she answered, hopping along with the genuine enthusiasm that only Pinkie could pull off. "That's where I saw you and brought you into Equestria from, so that should be where the portal shows up."

Sure, makes enough sense to me. "So tell me something, how is it that you pulled me in from this place, but once we went through the TV we were in Ponyville instead?"

For just a moment, the hyperactive pony took a pause from her hopping. Was she pondering? Did even she not know how this shit worked? Eventually she shrugged, returning to her bouncing. "Probably because you were watching a rerun instead of when it happened for real."

Well that makes less sense, but it wasn't like I had a better answer, so I may as well accept that one. Doesn't explain how she could see and interact with me if that was supposedly not when it really happened, but there was no point dwelling on it.

"While we're talking about it and since this is kinda my last chance to say it," she suddenly continued, stopping her bouncing once again to this time let me catch up and walk alongside me. "I'm sorry for getting you into this whole mess. It wasn't nice of me to drag you into Equestria without thinking about the consequences."

Huh. Wasn't expecting the sudden guilt coming from the party pony now of all times. You'd think she'd want to keep the mood chipper since this was hopefully going to be my goodbye. "Don't worry about it. Like I've said, there's plenty of humans back home that would have been ecstatic at the gesture. You just got unlucky with who you chose, that's all."

Pinkie giggled. "Maybe. But I think you enjoyed your time here more than you'd like to admit. You proved your special talent, you learned how to fly, set Spike up on a date, you even had you very own stalker!"

Yes, that was indeed an accurate summary of my stay here. "Well... it definitely wasn't boring, I'll give you that much." Truth be told? Yeah, I did have fun. Not all the time, and it was stressful being stuck in a cartoon, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't fun learning how to fly, or trying to get Spike out of the friendzone. But at the end of the day, even after I'm back home, Pinkie still probably subjected my friends and family to panic and grief over thinking I disappeared and died. So I wasn't going to admit that to her, she had to learn something from this mess.

After a bit more walking and idle chit chat, we finally arrived. The stage had been set up on the outskirts of the town, surrounded by some apple trees. It was smaller than I remembered it from the episode, just a tiny wooden platform and frame, a white cloth draped over the floor and a dusty purple curtain. At the edge of the stage was a single piano that I recalled Spike playing during the song. Had this thing even seen any use since that episode?

As we approached the stage, I was overwhelmed with an intense sensation. The presence of a certain feeling. A feeling of... nothing.

"So, uh, where's the portal?" I asked, tapping a hoof against the side of the stage to see if that triggered anything. No dice. I galloped over to behind the stage to see if the portal may have been behind the curtain, but all I could find were old timey western outfits on a clothes rack. "This is the right place, isn't it?"

Upon returning to the front of the stage, I found Pinkie starring up at the sky, unresponsive. I couldn't get a read on her expression. Was that worry? Disbelief? Or maybe... guilt? Oh God, this was a dead end, wasn't it? The one lead we had about how to get me home and it was a bust.

"Well, shoot," I mumbled dejectedly, the second word still not coming out the way I had intended. "Guess I should have known it was too good to be true."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Pinkie finally responded, her blank stare turning into a huge grin. "See for yourself!"

"See what? There's nothing here!" My tone was probably more snippy than it needed to be, but how else would I react to a dead end? All this place had was apple trees, a busted old stage, a slowly appearing purple vortex, a piano, a- "Wait, what?"


"What the hell is happening?"

I would have been glad to answer Brycen's question if it weren't for the fact that my TV was turning into a fucking black hole or something. The room was shaking and it was like there was heavy wind despite us being indoors. Some movies and games fell off of the shelf and I had to rush to stop the lamp from falling off of my dresser and letting the light bulb shatter on the floor. The source of the wind was coming from my television, as if what we had just been watching on there wasn't enough of a mindfuck.

Then, just as soon as the disturbance had started, it stopped. My room was once again calm and quiet. Not for long, though, since after one look at the TV changed that.

"Whoa." I mumbled. "The fuck am I looking at?"

The actual content itself that had been playing on the TV hadn't changed, the weird fever dream episode of MLP somehow featuring our missing friend in pony form was still going on. But now the screen emitted something of a purple hue. Most notably, it now looked less like we were watching images on a screen, and more like we were looking at the reflection from a river. The screen seemed to ripple like water. I took a loud step forward to get a closer look, and sure enough the image briefly trembled like a glass of liquid.

But that wasn't all that was off. Previously Pinkie Pie had suddenly went into a stare, looking directly at the screen as the pony that sounded like our friend checked behind a stage. But now this other pony had joined her. He stared towards us, mouth agape and eyes wide. He seemed to stammer a bit, but eventually found his words.

"Axel? Brycen?"

The hairs on my arm shot up. I almost felt the need to clean out my ears to make sure I wasn't hearing things or going crazy, but the situation was already ludicrous enough as it was. I knew what I heard. One look of awe over at Brycen, and I could tell from his identical expression that he had heard it too.

As ridiculously as it had to have looked, I stared at the pony beyond the screen. I was almost too flabbergasted to speak. I had to put aside my thoughts of feeling like a lunatic believing that a cartoon was talking to me. Finally, I bit the bullet and responded.

"Morgan?"


This time I wasn't able to fight back the tears. After weeks in this place I was starting to think I'd never see fellow humans again. But there they were, my two dumbass friends that inadvertently got me stuck in this whole mess. I could almost be mad at them if I wasn't so damn happy to finally see the real world again.

"I knew it would work," Pinkie said, a happy bounce to her tone. The portal was essentially a large purple circle showing the image of Axel's room with my two friends watching us in disbelief. Pinkie grinned and waved at the two doofuses. "Sorry for taking your friend! Don't worry, though, he's been having a super fun time! I mean, he doesn't want to admit that he did, but it's definitely obvious, and-"

Pinkie continued babbling, but it was easy to tune out. My friends seemed to be just as dumbfounded as I was, with all three of us slowly looking around through the portal to confirm we were all indeed seeing this. Was this the fourth wall? Is this what Pinkie saw constantly? Was there one of these portals for every TV watching them? Shit, that had to be annoying to deal with, maybe that's what made her such a loon.

"Is that really you, Morgan?" Brycen finally asked, which got her to stop talking. "What's going on? What is this?"

"It's a long story," I replied. "But yes, it's really me."

Axel gave me a sort of perplexed look that told me he wasn't entirely sure this wasn't just some sort of crazy dream. He reached down, sitting back up with a sock in his hand. Balling it up, he chucked it straight at us. There was a small whooshing sound as it hit the portal before, sure enough, the sock came out on our end and fell to the ground.

Following along, I retrieved the garment, holding it up to show that it did indeed go through. I then balled it back up and threw it back through the portal. I could see as it appeared through their end, falling down to Axel's floor with their eyes glued to it.

"That's totally sick," Axel whispered, looking up with a huge grin. "Dude, how did this happen?"

Since I had no thumb to point at her, I lifted my hoof towards Pinkie. "Because of her. Like I said, it's a long story."

"Since the portal seems safe, I can let you and your friends catch up while I go and get the others," Pinkie offered. "Just don't go through it yet, I don't know if it'll go away or not as soon as you do."

I nodded, and she zoomed off back into town without a second of hesitation. While it was tempting to just be done with it and go through immediately, I figured Twilight wanted to observe the portal in person for research purposes. And since she found the lead to help me get here to begin with, it was the least I could do as thanks.

"So... you've been in a cartoon this entire time, huh?" Brycen asked once Pinkie had swooced away. I responded with a nod. "What's it like?"

"It's... different." I held up my front hooves and gave em a wave. "Adjusting to not having fingers and walking on all fours was a pain. Though I got wings as a trade off." To prove my point, I flapped my wings and hovered a bit off the ground. I could feel the jealousy through their stares.

"Dude, that's so cool." Axel leaned closer towards the portal to get a closer look, but seemed too nervous to get too close. "I wonder why you specifically ended up being a Pegasus... so like, did you know how to fly automatically?"

"Nah, Rainbow Dash had to teach me." Another jaw drop from the two of them at the mention of that. Well shit, may as well ham it up while I'm on a roll. "Yeah, it's been a pretty crazy stay. I met all of the main characters, Lyra, Derpy..."

"Seriously?" Axel groaned, exchanging frustrated looks with Brycen. "Man, why did you get to check it out instead of us, you don't even LIKE the show!"

"I know, right?" That got a good laugh out of me. They laughed in return. "Blame Pinkie, I guess, she's the one that did it."

Speaking of the devil, or rather the hyper horse, this had been an oddly long amount of time for her to return. Not that I had a problem with catching up with my friends, still in pony form or not, it was just that Pinkie seemed to usually work really fast. I would have at least expected her and Rainbow Dash to be back by now.

"Hey, I just noticed he actually has a cutie mark," Brycen suddenly pointed out. "Did you just already have that when you turned into a pony?"

"No, actually," I answered, glancing back to that little ass tattoo. "Funny story about that, actual-"

Before I could finish my thought, I felt a sudden shock overcome me, tensing me up and causing me to keel over. It was like a hand buzzer on steroids.

As I flopped to the ground like a fish I could have sworn I heard distressed yells from my friends, but whatever they were saying I couldn't hear. When my vision and hearing seemed to finally return, the voices I heard were something else entirely.

"I dare say, brother of mine, this might be one of our best inventions yet."

That voice.... the pony from the train? What the hell?

"I do believe you're right," another voice replied. They sounded similar with just a slightly different pitch. "Furthermore, I think we have one doozy of a spectacle on our hands with this find! Why, we'll be swimming in bits by the time it's all said and done."

While the two of them continued to babble, I tried to catch my bearings. I could hardly move, and any attempts to wiggle myself free seemed fruitless. From what I could see, it looked like I was caught in some sort of net, and the damn thing was tight. Even trying to move my wings proved useless. Shit, now I wish I was brought here as a unicorn instead.

"Let him go, you bacon haired shit heads," I heard Brycen yell. "He's been through enough as it is."

"Yeah, fuck off Flim and Flam," Axel added. "The hell are you two doing here anyway, that doesn't even make any sense."

"Quite the odd lingo on them, eh Flim?"

"Took the words right out of my mouth, Flam. They're strange looking creatures too, aren't they?"

More wiggling and attempted thrashing proved useless. This net wasn't budging anytime soon. Giving up on that, I did my best to at least rock side to side until I could get the momentum needed to roll over on my back. As expected, there was that weirdo from the train, Flim if I was recognizing the tones from the conversation correctly. Flam was next to him, and he was pretty much identical to the former save for a mustache. Axel and Brycen were on their feet glaring through the portal, caught up in their back and forth with the brothers.

"OK, yeah, as much as I'm loving laying in the dirt, anyone care to explain what the heck is going on?" I shot a nasty look at Flim and Flam's vaudeville looking asses. "Who are you two and why am I in a net?"

"Who are we?" the mustachioed unicorn repeated, smirking.

"Why, I'm glad you asked!" The clean shaven brother jumped into the fray, exchanging a glance with his brother as they both took a breath as if they were gonna break out into song. "We're-"

"Flim and Flam, they were one-off villains in an episode," Axel suddenly cut off. "And you're in a net because they shot it at you."

The brothers gave my friend the sort of look I'd give someone who cut me off in traffic. Flam eventually cleared his breath and nodded. "While I'm not sure what an 'episode' is in their speak, at least this one knows who we are."

"And indeed they're right," Flim added, holding up what looked like an empty thermos. "Flim and Flam's Instant Electro-net! Ideal for quickly apprehending and stopping any critter in its tracks!"

"We think it's the perfect aide for somepony who may be dealing with a pest terrorizing their garden, for example. But we've had trouble finding buyers due to concerns about it not being 'humane' enough." Flam did a little air quote with his hoof, rolling his eyes. "But clearly it works like a charm!"

While that made me want to cuss the brothers out for potentially electrocuting me, I was distracted by the sudden feeling of floating. Strange since my wings were currently out of commission. Looking around, I saw the net covered in a green aura that matched an identical glow coming from Flam's horn. Seemed to be the culprit.

"Let's walk and talk, wouldn't want your friends waking up and interrupting us."

I could hear my friends yelling obscenities the brothers way in protest, but there was little I could do against the magic lifting me away. "What do you mean wake up? The heck did you do to them?"

"When you're trying to make your item a hot seller, you tend to carry a lot of the product on you, friend." Flim withdrew another one of those electro net shooters from his shirt, winking. "And we're more than familiar with your companions. Figured they could use a quick snooze so they wouldn't be an issue."

Well that's creepy. These two must be a huge hit with the ladies. "You realize two of them are unicorns, right? Once they wake up they'll just teleport out of your dinky nets and find us."

"Not if we're gone by then."

As if on cue, the non-mustachioed brother's horn lit up with a magical glow of its own. I heard the sounds of sputtering and creeks of what sounded like a run down jalopy. But looking towards the source of the noise revealed a contraption that seemed to be one part train, one part car, and one part Willy Wonka-looking abomination.

"I can see you're in awe of our World Famous Super Speedy Cider Squeezey 6000," Flim commented, probably noticing the weird look I was giving their machine. "This baby not only specializes in making top of the line cider, it also doubles as a top of the line getaway vehicle!"

So, what, these guys had this thing all along? "Hold up. If you guys had your own ride already, why in the heck were you on the train to begin with?"

Flim's eyes narrowed and he began to mumble something under his breath while approaching the machine. Flam continued to keep me held in midair while his brother began tinkering.

"Things have been a bit complicated since our run in with your little friends. We've tried selling our services to just about every town from Manehattan to Las Pegasus, but it seems word travels fast."

"And little did we know Applejack has family here when we rolled into town to try and offer Appleloosa some Grade A cider," Flim grumbled from nearby, still messing with the Cider Squeezy. "They roughed up our poor locomotive and we had to ride out of town for the replacement parts."

"Well I mean... the word Apple is literally in the town's name, you guys are kinda stupid if you didn't know Applejack would have kin here." The brothers both shot me an annoyed glare, giving me some smug satisfaction. "Ok so you happened to see us on the ride back and now you've kidnapped me. What's the next step of your master plan, smart guys?"

Flam chuckled, pointing a hoof back at the direction we had come from. "Well we couldn't help but overhear your conversations with the others about your unique situation. Of course, we thought it was complete hogwash at first, but seeing is believing as they say. And indeed, that anomaly you created back there was quite the convincing case."

"And the way we see it," his brother added, now joining us with his repairs seemingly done. "There's ponies out there who would pay a nice amount of bits to see a portal to another dimension with their own eyes!"

"A Portal to the World of Humans, Live from Appleoosa!" Flam waved a hoof in front of his face, emphasizing each word. "Has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?"

Well, I'd like to say it was a stupid plan, but I knew at least one pony that would indeed have paid top dollar for such a show, so it was hard to argue with. "So what, you're just planning to keep me locked up like an animal?"

"You'll be free to go after we put on the show," Flam answered. "Just think of it as a somewhat cramped vacation before you go back to wherever it is you came from."

"And how do you know something won't go terribly wrong bringing that many ponies to the portal? Heck, who knows if my friends will even be around the portal at that time to give you guys the show you want? Furthermore, how are you gonna pull off advertising this thing without Twilight and the others finding out when they'll be looking for-"

"Shhh." Flim held a hoof up to my mouth, flashing a cocky smirk. "We'll work out the details later. Right now we need to get moving. Ready, brother of mine?"

Flam nodded. "Ready!" With another pulse from his horn, the net and I were hoisted up to the bed of the huge contraption, sticking me in the middle of a circle of barrels. I tried my damnedest to struggle and wiggle my way out, but the net wasn't budging and I could do little more than hit my head against the barrels. The brother's laughter could be made out as I felt the contraption sputter to life and begin to move. I tried letting out a few calls for help, but there was no reply. This was really happening. Inches away from going home, and I'm being kidnapped.

"Well... this stinks."


Life as a prisoner was hard times. The terrain these brothers trekked was bumpy and uncomfortable. Being stuck in a net meant I couldn't stretch out my limbs and it gave me a killer pain in the neck. The only sustenance that aided me during these bleak hours was a slow drip of cider that leaked from a small hole in one of the barrels. And the cider tasted like rotten ass, so it wasn't much help at all. As hours turned to days, and days into weeks, truly this was a living Hell.

Or at least that's what it felt like. In reality it had been maybe 30 minutes to an hour since I was pony-napped, but it still sucked. "Hey, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, y'all realize that as soon as we roll up to a town I'm just gonna yell to get somepony to help, right? Then they'll kart you guys off to the Pony Gulag or whatever."

"Not to worry, friend, we'll be sure to leave you parked well outside the outskirts of town to ensure nopony can hear," I heard Flam shoot back from the front of the vehicle. "It shouldn't take us long, and we'll be sure to bring you back some grub."

"Indeed, Dodge Junction is just a hop skip and a jump away," Flim added. "So we'll have our first advertising gig done lickety split."

Hmph, these guys underestimate my yelling. One time I got so pissed off from losing a Smash Bros match the neighbors even had to come over to complain. Hell, when we were in an apartment I almost got Axel and I evicted when I went off on some cheater that was being a shit in TF2, and the people in the apartment above us complained to the landlord. I'll show these clowns what's up, just you wait.

Since I needed to save my vocal chords, it was a boringly silent ride to this Dodge Junction joint. Or at least I'd like to say as much, but those two nerds sung some sort of barbershop quartet sounding diddy as they drove. I mean to their credit they were pretty good singers, but considering how it lasted a good hour or however long it took to get to their destination, it was feeling like torture by the end.

Eventually their seemingly endless singing became too much to handle. "Could you two give it a rest already?"

Surprisingly enough, the singing immediately stopped. "You have impeccable timing, friend," called back who I was pretty sure to be Flam. Their voices were pretty similar, so it was hard to be certain. "Looks like we've arrived."

I would have loved to be able to look up and confirm if this Dodge Junction truly was nearby, but being in a net surrounded by cider barrels meant I had to take their word for it. The vehicle screeched to a stop and I could hear the two of them get out and walk closer to where I was.

"We shouldn't be long, it's a rather small town," who I'm pretty sure was Flim said, sounding like he was lifting some materials out of the Cider Squeezy. "We'll do our advertising round, grab some grub, and be back quick as a whip!"

"And how exactly do you plan on doing advertising, hm? Just going around to random ponies and telling them there's gonna be a portal to another world down in Appleoosa like some kinda lunatics?"

"It's all about showmanship, my boy," Flam answered, chuckling like a smug fuck. "And nopony does showmanship like us! You'd be surprised how far a song and good pitch will get ya. We'll make our show the talk of the town before the end of the hour."

With that said, I could hear the sound of hooves growing more and more faint. The chatter between the brothers faded away and soon enough the only sound to keep me company was the slow drip of cider from the barrel. This was fine. Just give it a few minutes for them to be far enough away, then I'd get to calling for help.

It was hard to get a feeling for time when you're just laying in a cramped net with no watch to speak of. I figured if I jumped the gun and yelled while the vaudevillians were too close in range they'd just hurry back and tape over my mouth. To pass the time I decided to count the drips of cider. I figured 100 drips would be sufficient time to let them move away.

"20 drips. 21 drips. 22 drips. 24 drips. 25 drips." Wait a minute, did I miss one? Shit, better start from the beginning. "1 drip. 2 drips. 3 drips. 4 drips. 5 dri-"

"Hey Morgan, watcha doing?"

Oh great, I'd become so bored I'm now starting to hear voices in my head. One that sounded suspiciously like Lyra, oddly enough.

"Dear Celestia, is he in a net? What happened?"

Huh, and that one sounds like Bon Bon... wait a minute. "Girls? Is that really you?"

Shifting my head, I was greeted by what was either a mirage or indeed the genuine ponies in the flesh scooting aside some barrels. "Yup! But seriously, what happened to you, how'd you end up like this?" Lyra asked.

"Some dudes called Flim and Flam ambushed us before I could go home and kidnapped me... but how the heck are you two here? You couldn't have just walked here from Ponyville."

The two of them began pushing away the cider barrels around me while Lyra responded. "Well at first I didn't want to force myself into your sendoff, so I was just going to leave it at the goodbye we had earlier. But the more I thought about missing the one opportunity to see a real live portal to the human world, the more I started to regret it."

"She practically begged to catch the next train out to Appleoosa, and I didn't want her to have to leave by herself," Bon Bon added. "I tried to convince her that you'd surely be gone by the time we got there, but she wouldn't listen to reason."

With an ample amount of room around me, they then started to work on the net while Lyra continued. "And it's a good thing too. When we started getting close, we just so happened to look out the window and saw this machine from when those two brothers tried to put Applejack's family out of business."

"There isn't a lot of towns in this area, so we could tell from the direction they were driving that they were going to Dodge Junction," Bon Bon continued. "We couldn't help but think it was a weird coincidence to see them of all ponies in the same area, so Lyra insisted we ride the train here."

As they continued talking, they finally were able to get me free from the net. The moment I had freedom for my limbs, I nearly stumbled back from the stretching. "So then what, you just walked around the outskirts of town until you found this thing and me?"

"Pretty much," Lyra answered. "You're welcome, by the way."

Well obviously I was thankful, I felt like I was going to lose all feeling in my legs inside of that damn net. Still, this was all a little too convenient in my opinion, but who was I to argue with freedom? "Thanks. Now lets get the heck out of here before they notice that I'm-"

"Hold it right there!" Speak of the devil, Flim and his brother appeared on the scene. "You're not going anywhere, buster. There's too much cash to be made in this portal to another world business for us to let it slip by us."

"Oh come on, weren't you too supposed to be doing some advertising?" Seriously, this was what I get for questioning the convenience of Lyra and Bon Bon showing up. "Why are you already back?"

"When you notice two mares sneaking around the outskirts of town you tend to get a bit suspicious," Flam answered. "We came back to make sure you wouldn't cause a scene and get their attention, and clearly we were right to be cautious."

"Yeah, well, there's three of us and two of you," I pointed out. "So how about you cut your losses and go away, hm?"

The mustachioed brother chuckled, pulling out another one of those net guns. "No can do, friend. This here is gonna be our meal ticket. If we let you go now then-"

Before the SOB could even finish his sentence, a barrel was chucked his way. A mint covered magical glow covered the barrel, and he was only just able to duck out of the way before getting beaned in the head.

"Enough!" Lyra picked up yet another barrel with her magic and chucked it at the clean shaven brother, forcing him to also duck. "You're not taking him anywhere, he is going home!"

I exchanged a look with Bon Bon who seemed just as surprised as me to see her friend doing her best Donkey Kong impression. But that just lead to another thought. Why should she have all the fun? Bon Bon apparently had the same idea, as she quickly joined me next to the barrels and helped me pick one up to throw at Flam.

"Have a taste of your own cruddy cider, ya jerks," I yelled as we threw a barrel at Flam.

"Yeah, see how YOU like it," Bon Bon added with another thrown at Flim. Between us chucking barrels and Lyra flinging them with her magic, the supply was quickly depleting. Thankfully the brothers were overwhelmed, and one eventually made contact with Flam that sent him to the ground. The net gun landed a bit away from him, and Lyra thought quickly to fling it farther away with magic before resuming barrel throwing.

"Now hold on, you're ruining our entire stoc-" Flim was cut short by a well placed barrel to the head thrown by your's truly. Well, me and Bon Bon. With a groan, he fell back defeated, out like a light. Since Flam was starting to get his footing, Lyra tossed a final barrel at HIS head, ensuring he was out cold too.

Before I even had time to catch my breath, a sudden strong gust of wind came down from above. Then, just as soon as it passed, it came back from the other direction. "Morgan!" Rainbow Dash's voice solved the mystery that lasted all of five seconds concerning what caused the gusts.

"You're ok!" She flew down just as quick as she had flown by overhead, a relieved smile showing her concern. "We got so worried, one minute we were just regrouping and the next thing we knew we all woke up in some sort of nets. When we got out of them, we couldn't find you anywhere and the portal was gone."

"Welp, you can thank those two for causing all of that." I pointed a hoof at the still unconscious brothers, Dash looking at them in what seemed to be a mix of confusion and anger. "They tried kidnapping me so they could turn a profit out of making a show opening the portal themselves."

She shook her head, eyes narrowed at the stallions. "Wish I could say I'm surprised, but they tried ruining Applejack's life and her family's. Sounds like something they'd do. Anyway, we figured you probably didn't go through the portal without us making sure you went through ok, so I scouted ahead to see if I could find you." She stopped, turning to face the other two mares standing with us. "Uh, by the way, why are those two here?"

"Long story," Bon Bon answered.

"We freed him from the net and gave those two a taste of their own medicine," Lyra continued. "Then, well, you showed up and now we're here."

"Huh. Well, I guess everything worked out pretty well then. You sure lucked out that they were around to help, eh Morgan?"

I nodded. "No doubt. Who knows how long I would have been in that net and away from home without them. And on that note, we're burning daylight." I hopped off of the Cider Squeezy, a new fire of determination burning within me. Or maybe it was indigestion, either way I was good and ready to get to stepping. "Let's move."


One train ride later and we were back in Appleoosa. Things got a bit awkward when Flim and Flam woke back up, but using their own net guns against them worked well to have them subdued for the time being. Apparently only proficient enough unicorns like Twilight could pull off teleportation, nifty. With Bon Bon and Lyra now joined up with the group, Applejack was the last to join us before returning to the portal area.

"Alright, I got those two locked up in the jail cell for the time being. I'll explain everything to Sheriff Silverstar when they get back." She sent an annoyed glare back at the building she had left. "Can't believe those two are still meddling with us. You'd think they'd have learned their lesson after Ponyville."

"Some ponies never change." Pinkie Pie shrugged, still grinning from ear to ear. "But enough about them, let's go ahead and finally get Morgan home!"

"Right." Twilight nodded, motioning a hoof forward. "Lead the way, Morgan."

OK. For real this time. No more Saturday Morning villains crawling out of the woodwork this time, please. Cautiously and looking around to make sure nopony else was going to get the jump on me, I slowly approached the stage on the outskirts of town. After a few moments of nothingness, sure enough the portal began to materialize.

"Whoa," Spike whispered in awe.

"This is so cool!" Lyra was giving Pinkie a run for her money with how much she was vibrating with excitement.

After a minute or so, the portal had grown to full size. Thankfully, Axel and Brycen were still looking back at us from the other end, both looking extremely relieved.

"Morgan?" Brycen called out. "Everything all good now?"

"Hopefully," I replied. I turned around, chuckling in amusement at the array of shocked expressions from everyone other than Pinkie. Twilight pulled out a pen and scroll from seemingly nowhere and began furiously jotting down notes. Fluttershy nervously hid a bit behind Rainbow Dash, and Lyra looked like she had just passed by the biggest celebrity you could imagine. "Everyone, meet my buds. Axel, Brycen, meet the ponies."

While not as extreme as Lyra's reaction, the two of them looked pretty awestruck. "Uh, hey," Axel eventually said, waving his hand. "Morgan hasn't been too much of a headache for you guys, has he?"

Well that was as good an icebreaker as any.

"Yeah, he ain't been too much trouble," Applejack answered. "Well, not until he went and got himself hogtied and all."

"And he could have picked up his flying lessons a little easier," Dash added.

"Oh, and he was a little stubborn finding his cutie mark," Pinkie pipped in.

"Alright, hey now, you guys are making me sound like I was some sort of huge handful." I nudged Spike next to me. "It hasn't all been bad, tell em Spike."

The dragon chuckled, looking back at Rarity. "Yeah, I guess it was nice having him around."

"Heck, we'll keep him if you don't want him back," Lyra quipped, still beaming from the whole situation. I couldn't really tell if she was joking or not. Half joking? Probably.

With the conversation started, the ponies took turns going back and worth with the guys. Rarity, as nicely as she could manage, not so subtly dissed their fashion sense and gave them her own suggestions. Axel retrieved his pet dog to show off to Fluttershy, and Brycen repeated the sock test from earlier per Twilight's request while she wrote her notes.

While the ponies took turns mingling with some humans, I took the opportunity to say my goodbyes to everypony. One fist and hoof bump from Spike, a tip of the hat from Applejack, and one suffocating hug from Pinkie Pie later and eventually I had covered them all. The commotion had quieted down and I looked back at the portal with my friends waiting on the other side.

"Welp... as much as I hate to admit it, it's been fun." And that was the truth, not that I exactly wanted to do this again. "But this is it. Time for me to go."

I started flying up towards the portal. Now that I thought about it, this was gonna be the last time I'd get to fly. Shit, I was actually gonna miss that. "Thanks for getting me home and everything. Y'all take care."

"It was nice meeting you, Morgan," Pinkie called while waving, the others joining her by yelling out final words of their own. "I'd say we should hang out again sometime, buuut I don't think you'd exactly want that."

That got a good laugh out of me. If it wasn't such a headache as getting me home was this time, maybe it wouldn't suck TOO much, but as it was I had received my fill of this place. With one final wave, I turned to face my friends looking on from their end. Taking a deep breath and shutting my eyes, I flew into the portal.


"My Little Pony, My Little Pony, Aaaaaa-"

"Hey, could you not?" I immediately turned the channel mid-theme song, giving Brycen an annoyed glare. "It's not funny."

He shrugged, chuckling. "Eh, it's a little funny, Morgan. Don't you feel like reminiscing?"

"Bite me."

I wasn't actually upset or anything over the show being played and my tone should have reflected that, but still. It had already been an eventful enough week as it was. I made it through the portal without issue, thankfully, and somehow even still had on the clothes I was wearing when I was originally pulled in. Not sure how that worked out, but then again how did any of this shit work to begin with?

It was initially an adjustment having my anatomy changed back so Brycen and Axel had to drag me to a seat while we caught up. As soon as I came through the portal, the TV was just playing the ending of that Over a Barrel episode. The guys checked all over the web the next day for any sign of anyone else seeing what went down, but as far as they could tell everywhere else just saw a rerun of that episode during the time they saw me getting kidnapped and everything.

Once I got used to being bipedal again, then came the hard part. Telling my family and everyone else that I wasn't dead. Obviously we couldn't go with the truth, so the story goes that in a moment of angst I ran away momentarily to clear my mind and be on my own. Axel and Brycen agreed to go along with the story and drove me to my mom's. It made me feel like shit lying to her with how broken up she was, but she was at least happy to have me home. Everyone bought the story, so now it was all a matter of things settling back to normal.

"Just got a message from Peter," Axel said as he entered the room. "He and the boys will be meeting us for wings in 15. Y'all good to go?"

"Yup." I nodded. This was the first big gathering for me and my friends since I got back. Sort of an unofficial welcome back party even if they wouldn't acknowledge it as that. Mom was pretty hesitant to see me going out again so soon, but I did my best to calm her nerves.

"Morgan can catch the lads up on what they missed," Brycen added. "I think they'd particularly get a kick from the story about everyone in Ponyville thinking you were boning Lyra."

I couldn't help but laugh as the three of us gathered our things and started making our way to the car. "I'm good. No more pony talk for me, I've had more than my fill. I'll be putting it all behind me, thank you very much."

"Ah come on, man," Axel teased, unlocking the car. "After all of that, surely you actually like MLP by now, right?"

I paused, reflecting on everything I went through. Everything from being sucked through a TV to being kidnapped. It was a wild ride, and a lot of it truly did subvert my expectations of what the show was. The characters were pretty cool, for the most part, and I didn't totally hate my time there. There was action, drama, genuine laughs. In another dimension, I probably could have been lifelong friends with them just like I am now with these guys.

"Well, it was interesting, and those ponies aren't as bad as I thought," I finally answered. "... But the show still sucks."

With that, the car pulled out of the driveway and we were off.