Celestia's Rocket Adventures

by Snake Staff


Right and Wrong

“So, what you’re saying is that Team Rocket took you in when no one else was there?” Celestia asked. “And that, because of that, you feel like you have to prove your worth to Giovanni by… stalking a child to try and steal his Pikachu?”

“That Pikachu is no ordinary Pikachu!” James declared.

“It’s very rare and well beyond the standards of any others of his kind!” Jessie nodded along. “He’d make a perfect present for the boss.”

“If we could ever catch him,” Meowth said glumly.

“True,” James hung his head a bit. “How many years since that first time in Viridian?”

“I don’t even know anymore.” Jessie sighed. “It feels like forever, though.”

Poor souls. Celestia thought. If someone, anyone, except a criminal organization had been there for them, would they even be criminals at all?

Aloud, the white alicorn went on. “I gather that your endeavors have been rather fruitless?”

“Ya don’t have ta be so hard about it,” Meowth said. “But ya, dat about sums it up. When was da last time we even sent a Pokémon ta Giovanni? Yanma, back in Sinnoh, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Jessie answered. “And he sent her back to us anyway.”

“No one had even caught it yet. Can we really even count that as a theft?” James wondered.

“You seem a bit dissatisfied with your lot in life.” Celestia noted. “Have you ever considered a change of career?”

This time, when Meowth translated her words, the trio looked genuinely shocked and perhaps even a bit offended.

“No way!” Jessie declared. “Team Rocket is for life and there’s nothing we like better than being bad!”

“Yeah, we’re da meanest, nastiest, most thievin’-est band of thieves ya ever did see!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, then looked over at the resting Pokémon. “So evil that you take care not only of your own Pokemon, but those enslaved by a total stranger that tried to kill you? Positively fiendish if I may say so myself.”

“Well, uh…”

“If you’re so evil, why haven’t you tossed your own Poke Balls at them? Those Pokémon are fully evolved, quite rare, and in no position to resist you. You could send all five of them to your boss without the faintest consideration for their welfare.”

“Alright, maybe we aren’t quite that bad,” Jessie admitted. “But villainy is still our calling!”

James nodded his head emphatically. “Being the bad guys is what we’re the best at!”

“That’s not what I’ve seen,” said another voice.

“Huh?”

Both alicorns and Team Rocket alike looked behind them. There, walking slowly over towards them with Pikachu on his shoulder, was Ash Ketchum. He had an uncertain expression on his face, though no one did much of anything to stop him from walking over and taking a seat not far from the others.

“What do you want, twerp?” James said irritably.

“Come ta kick us while we’re down?” Meowth growled.

“Don’t you guys know me better than that by now?” Ash frowned a little. “Every time we fight it’s ‘cause you’re trying to steal Pikachu or someone else’s Pokémon.”

“Except the time Lysandre played you like a cheap drum.”

“If any of this is my fault I’m sorry, and I’ll do everything I can to try and make it right,” Ash said. “But what I was saying was that I’ve seen you guys in action for years. You’re not best at being bad.”

“Not by a long shot,” Pikachu nodded, hopping down to the ground.

“You take that back!” Jessie demanded. “We’re hardened criminals, feared by all and bad to the bone!”

Pikachu just sniggered.

“How many battles have you had with me and my friends?”

“Uh… too many to count,” James admitted.

“I don’t even remember any more,” Jessie sighed.

Ash sat back against a tree. “How many have you won?”

“A big fat zero,” Meowth groaned.

“And how do you do when you’re fighting with me and my friends?” he continued.

“We usually win when we’re with you twerps,” Jessie folded her arms and humphed. “Why? What’s your point?”

“The point is that you’re bad at being bad,” Pikachu said. “But you’re not bad at being good.”

“He’s right,” Ash said after Meowth translated. “Remember back in the Orange Islands? How you wanted to help me save the world when Zapados, Moltres, and Articuno were all fighting each other?”

“If the world is destroyed we can’t steal anything!” James defended. “We helped you because Team Rocket can’t dominate a world that’s been destroyed first!”

“That’s why you guys intentionally let go of Lugia mid-flight?” Ash asked. “You plummeted to the ocean from hundreds of feet up, risking your lives to try and help me get there faster to save the day. Is that a bad thing to do? Didn’t seem like it to me.”

“Well it’s because… uh…”

“This anecdote raises an excellent point,” Celestia said. “You can hardly steal anything if you’re dead. But you did it anyway.”

“It’s because we’re so loyal to the boss!” James finally declared.

“Yeah!” Jessie nodded. “Even if we ceased to be the cause of Team Rocket would have gone on in a world that was saved!”

“The cause of stealing stuff and making money from it? That’s worth dying for?” Ash asked.

“Shows what you know, twerp!” Meowth humphed. “Team Rocket is like our family. It’s about standin’ with each otha, brotherhood, an’ self-respect!”

“What part of any of that requires attempting to steal others’ Pokémon?” Celestia asked. “You alone, Meowth, could be wealthy and famous as a professional mediator between humans and Pokémon and have no need to steal anything.”

“And you wouldn’t get zapped with lightning every week or so,” Pikachu added.

“Jessie and James, I’m less immediately certain of what your greatest skills are, but for sheer persistence alone I have little doubt you could master whatever you truly put your minds to.” The white princess shook her head. “You could be so much more than mere peons in a criminal organization obsessively stalking a child.”

“Why would we want to be anything else?”

“Yeah, we like being Team Rocket!”

“Do you? Or do you like being alongside one another?” Celestia asked. “I certainly noticed you didn’t much get along with Cassidy and Burt, and that no one else there said a word in your defense.”

“Well dat’s different.”

“How so? They’re Team Rocket every bit as much as you are. Would family treat you as they did?”

“…No.”

“Look, what’s your point?” Jessie demanded. “Are you too good for us now that you know we’re criminals? Or are you going full-on monarch and demanding we stop lawbreaking under penalty of whatever?”

“I’m trying to help my friends,” Celestia replied.

“And just how’s that?”

“I do think that you should cease your criminal activities,” the white alicorn nodded, “but it’s because of both morality and concern for your welfare.”

“And how is being criminals a threat to our welfare?” James asked.

“You’re kidding, right?” Pikachu asked.

“Apart from the apparently semi-regular electrocutions and falls from great heights? You might also actually be captured by competent authorities and imprisoned for many years. I get the sense that police in this world are not terribly effective,” Celestia shrugged, “but when you play the odds long enough something is bound to happen.”

“Pffft, yeah right,” Meowth scoffed.

“There are two questions you ought to ask yourselves. One, if you understand the pain of losing a valued Pokémon friend, why are you alright with inflicting that pain on another? Two, have any of your crimes actually made your lives any better?” Her expression softened. “Because from what I hear they have only ever ended in pain and explosions.”

“That may or may not be true,” Jessie grumbled.

“From what I have seen in my travels with you, what makes your lives better is your friendship with one another and your Pokémon. For your own sake if nothing else, you should drop what only brings you pain and embrace what brings you joy. Surely there are many other things you could do together if only you put your minds to it.”

“Well we have dabbled in various lines of work in hungry times,” James admitted.

“If you ever needed any help, once this crisis is over and I find a way home, you have but ask,” Celestia offered. “I’d happily assist you if you were to decide to turn your backs on crime.”

“We’re in dis way too deep ta turn and quit now,” Meowth folded his arms across his chest.

“If that is truly so, it’s a tragedy,” the white alicorn sighed. “Is that truly all that you want out of life? When you are old and on your last legs, will you look back with pride and satisfaction on years of petty crime and failed efforts to rob a child? Is that all the legacy that you would leave behind?”

Silence fell over that small forest clearing. Team Rocket stared blankly at the alicorn princess, no answer forthcoming. Ash looked a little puzzled. Pikachu blinked.

“All I am saying is that I have learned one very important lesson watching the generations go by. You only have so much time on this world, and it ought not to be wasted.” Celestia looked sadly at the trio. “It isn’t worth it.”


“So,” James said a good while later, “is this goodbye?”

Celestia cocked her head curiously.

“Now that you know we’re criminals, are you going to leave us? Maybe go off with the twerps and your ‘Twilight’ friend instead?” He looked glum. “I doubt royalty wants to hang out with a gang of failed thieves.”

“Of course not,” Celestia shook her head vigorously. “I’m still 100% committed to seeing our mutual mission against Team Flare through to the end. And besides…” her eyes twinkled “I find that the lot of you have a certain, unique charm to you. If you’ll have me, I’ll gladly remain with you as long as I remain in this world.”

“You really mean it?” He blinked.

“Of course I mean it,” she said. “I only speak out of concern for your welfare and those around you. It’s because I care that I want you to reform.”

“That’s so sweet of you to say!” James said. “C’mere you!”

The white alicorn blinked in surprise when the human abruptly took several steps forward and wrapped his arms around her neck, his head quickly enveloped by her flowing mane. But after a moment she smiled and put her right foreleg around his back. Celestia pulled him in closer and then rubbed her muzzle against the side of his face.

“Gag me,” Meowth muttered.