//------------------------------// // Lesson One: First Impression // Story: Three Dates and a Prune // by MagnetBolt //------------------------------// Rarity compared her last bolt of Saddle Arabian silk to the measurements she had for her client and came to the conclusion that unless she invented a new form of mathematics wherein one could fit a rather pudgy noblewoman into a very slim size zero, she was going to have to buy more silk at the cutthroat prices that they currently commanded. “I suppose I could tell her the dress will cost twice as much,” Rarity considered. “And then I could close down my business since I’ll never be able to sell anything again. Or I could just buy silk instead of paying rent. Choices, choices...” Somepony tried to dramatically slam the front door open. As it was locked at the time, it was reduced to a dramatic thump followed closely after by less-dramatic and mildly humiliated knocking. “Yes, yes, I’m already here,” Rarity said, opening the door. “If this is about the incident with the Hearts and Hooves day hats, they were clearly marked as edible and to avoid getting it wet!” Twilight pushed past Rarity even before Rarity had a chance to greet her. “Rarity, I know how we can end the trade war with Saddle Arabia!” “That’s wonderful, Darling. I’m glad you came over at…” she glanced at the clock. “Eleven at night to tell me. You do realize other ponies sleep, yes? Except perhaps Pinkie Pie.” “This couldn’t wait!” “I seriously doubt that.” Twilight started pacing. “I should have brought a list! I should have made a list! Oh stars, this is never going to work! I was wrong! I’m sorry!” Twilight ran back outside. Rarity sighed and waited near the door. Twilight dramatically threw it open again a few seconds later. Rarity had left it unlocked this time. “It has to work though!” Twilight half-ran, half-flew inside in an awkward panicked hop like a scared rabbit. Rarity cleared her throat. “You’ve had how many pots of coffee, darling?” “Well I got this idea between my eighth and ninth cups, but I needed a few more to really nail down the details, except I didn’t write them down so they’re gone, Rarity! They’re totally gone! That’s why I need your help! I don’t have the details and you’re good at details!” “Help with what, exactly?” “I realized that the only way to fix everything is romance. Rarity, I need you.” Rarity’s face burned red. “Well, this is so sudden! I suppose if--” “You’re the only one who can help me get the stallion to notice me!” Rarity’s blush faded. “Excuse me?” “I tried referencing a few books but he isn’t a firefighter or a pirate so those scenarios won’t work.” Rarity guided Twilight into a chair to keep her from breaking anything. “Sit. I’m making coffee--” “Six lumps,” Twilight requested. “--for me. I’m making coffee for me. You get water. If you ask nicely I’ll get you cold water. You’ve had entirely too much coffee already.” “Princess Luna drinks way more coffee than this.” “She also occasionally has hissy fits and tries to destroy the world. As much as I like her, perhaps we should emulate other ponies, hm? Like perhaps moi?” “I can prove in at least twenty-three ways that coffee is enhancing my performance.” “Does coffee have anything at all to do with why you’re here, excepting perhaps the lateness of the hour?” Rarity asked from the kitchen. Twilight frowned. “No.” Rarity returned with a mug of coffee and a glass of water. Lukewarm water. “Then get around to actually explaining your plan and I’ll point out the obvious flaws and we can both go back to what we were doing.” “I’m going to marry the son of the Sultan of Saddle Arabia.” Rarity almost spat out her coffee. She didn’t, because she was a lady. She almost did, because Twilight Sparkle had gone insane. “What?!” “Historically, marriages are a fast and relatively permanent way of aligning nations. They tend to last for generations and promote a lot of cultural exchange.” “And what makes you think he’d even be interested in marrying you?” Rarity asked. “As far as I know you’ve never even met the stallion!” “Well… I haven’t,” Twilight admitted. “I have,” Rarity said. Twilight smiled “Great! That’s why I came to you! You can help me get to know him!” “No.” “No?” “Twilight, Darling, my most romantically disinclined and naive friend, you do not want to get involved with…” Rarity’s nose scrunched. “That stallion.” “What’s wrong with him?” “You sound amazingly offended for somepony who has never even had the dubious pleasure of meeting Emir Ali ibn Arabia.” “According to my research, he donates money to charity, has been all for improving relationships with Equestria, is open to change, well-learned…” Rarity snorted. “So you read the papers. ‘Improving relationships with Equestria’ indeed. I know when somepony is quoting the Canterlot Times at me, Twilight. You’ve spent enough time with Princess Celestia that you must know that she carefully manages her public appearances.” “Princess Celestia is perfect in every way!” “Why don’t you ask her for advice, then?” “Because this is my idea. If I tell her about it, she’ll take charge and I won’t be able to prove myself.” “Ah, we’re at the self-doubt part of the manic-depression curve,” Rarity sighed. “If you really want my advice you’d stop now before it goes anywhere. You’re simply not ready for this kind of delicate social situation. Maybe try sending him some letters, hm? Or even better, hire somepony else to write letters in your name.” “What?! I’m an excellent author!” “A love letter doesn’t need citations in MLA format, darling. Besides, I believe mares aren’t allowed to read and write in Saddle Arabia.” “That was true a hundred years ago, Rarity. Why don’t you join the rest of us in the current century?” Rarity blushed, waving her off. “I admit most of my knowledge of their culture comes from less scholarly tomes--” “Romance novels. I’m your librarian, Rarity. I know what you check out.” “And I know you’ve never checked out anything with hooves. We both have our areas of expertise, hm?” “I just need to know how to make a good first impression,” Twilight said. “That’s all I’m asking, Rarity. I can handle the rest.” “I seriously doubt that,” Rarity muttered. “All I have to do is try to get to know him as a friend and then make my proposal.” “Traditionally the stallion is the one making the proposal, and not until at least the third date.” “Not that kind of proposal! I’ll make some slides and go over the numbers. He’ll agree with the logic and we’ll proceed from there with a mutually-decided schedule.” “Oh yes, there’s no possible way a stallion could resist the siren song of pie charts and bullet points. It’s really a wonder that you aren’t already spoken for.” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Was that sarcasm?” “We’ll make identifying sarcasm part of the advanced course,” Rarity said, reaching over to pat Twilight’s cheek. “For now, you wanted to learn how to make a good first impression?” Twilight nodded and clapped her hooves. “Perhaps first we should discuss the importance of timing and how the middle of the night is almost never the best time for meeting somepony? Some ponies even manage to sleep at night.” “Look, I’m sorry about the hour but I needed help now! He’s going to be in Canterlot tomorrow and I need to be sure that things go according to plan! And let me tell you, Rarity, that’s going to be really hard since I don’t even have a plan yet!” Rarity sighed. “Panic is unbecoming, darling. The last thing you want is for him to think you’re a neurotic mess.” “You’re right. I need to stay calm.” “He’ll find that out soon enough, but we’ll delay it as long as possible.” “Hey!” “Now what you’ll want to do is use body language. If you seem nervous, at best he’ll think you’re childish and cute.” “I want him to take me seriously.” “Yes, darling, we have our work cut out for us.” Rarity sighed. “I’m going to stand on the other side of the room. Pretend I’m Emir Ali and greet me like we’re meeting for the first time.” “But I came here so you could tell me what to say!” “I need to know what I’m working with.” Rarity trotted to the other side of the room, holding her cup of coffee. “On your own time, Darling, but I want to get at least some real work done before the end of the night.” Twilight took a deep breath and walked over, her chest puffed out. “Good evening, sir. I am--” “Ugh. Terrible.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Keep going.” “Princess Terrible-- I mean Princess Twilight! You threw me off! That’s not fair!” “It was a non-starter. You can’t just start off like you’re reading off a cue card! You have to be natural!” “If it was natural I wouldn’t need lessons!” “Clearly. It’s like a play, and you need to be Princess Twilight, an interesting and mysterious mare who defeats cosmic threats and travels between worlds. What you don’t want is to be Princess Terrible, who reads off a script and gets frustrated because everypony else is improvising.” “Fine, I’ll try it again.” “No, no. You need an object lesson. Go back to the table.” Twilight walked back to the table, annoyed. “I don’t see what you’re going to prove. I just need a few tips and maybe a good conversation starter--” She turned to see Rarity walking towards her, the mare sipping coffee and moving her hips just enough to give Twilight a glimpse of her cutie mark with each step in a graceful sine wave that looked perfectly natural, her head tilted back and hiding one eye with her mane. “You must be Princess Twilight,” she said, looking right into Twilight’s eyes. Her voice was low, like Twilight was the only other one in the room. Which she was. But it felt more intimate than a boutique should feel. “I’ve heard so much. Good things. And bad. All of it was interesting.” “I, um, that is--” “Maybe I’ll have a chance to learn more,” Rarity said, blinking slowly. She smiled and turned, her tail lightly touching Twilight as if by accident, walking away and giving the Princess a better look at just how her hips moved. Twilight watched her intently until Rarity got back to where she started. “See?” Rarity said. “It’s quite simple. Darling, are you blushing?” “No!” Twilight coughed. “If you say so, Princess.” Rarity smirked, half-hiding it behind her coffee cup. “Do you think you’re ready to try again?” “I can’t walk like that,” Twilight said. “I know. I’ve seen how you dance.” “I mean if I walked like that, he’d think I was, that I was--” “That you were interested in him?” Rarity tilted her head. “I believe that was the point, non?” “I’m not trying to look like I’m easy! This is supposed to be a political alliance, not about wiggling my butt!” “He’d be much more interested in your alliance if you grab him by the bits of a stallion that do most of their thinking for them.” “Ew! Rarity!” “If that’s a problem, I think you’ll find significant difficulties with your ideas about marrying him.” “It’s not a problem.” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Then try to get my attention, darling. If you want to get romantic with him, even if it’s for an ulterior motive, you’re going to have to make the first move.” Twilight pursed her lips and walked over, tossing her mane and trying to keep eye contact like Rarity had. “I don’t believe we’ve met,” she tried, holding out a hoof to shake. Rarity took it. Instead of the expected shake, she kissed the Princess’s hoof. “It’s a pleasure,” Rarity said. “I didn’t know this land had such beautiful gems. I must compliment your husband on finding such a fine mate.” “Oh, well, um…” Twilight coughed and smiled. “I’m not married.” “No? Then the ponies here must be blind, because there’s no other excuse for ignoring your beauty.” Rarity leaned in closer. “Perhaps we should discuss your unfortunate lack of companionship further?” Twilight nodded quickly. “Indeed, I have only once seen a pony whose beauty matched yours.” Rarity sighed. “Oh, how I pine for my lost love. She was as beautiful as you, though her mane was nicer.” “Her- what?” “She had curls in it, though of course she could pull off almost any look.” Rarity sighed. “If only Rarity was here! How I miss her so!” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Rarity.” “Oh! How it wounds me to hear the name of the most perfect pony! Her hip to-barrel ratio! Her thigh gap!” “You know what, I think I’ll figure things out,” Twilight said. “But I haven’t even started talking about how soft my coat is!” Twilight took a deep breath. “You’ve given me some good tips. Thank you.” “Mm. It won’t be enough, you realize. There’s more than just making a good first impression.” “The rest is the same as building any other friendship,” Twilight countered. “I’ll be fine.” Rarity shook her head as Twilight left. She didn’t lock the door, in case Twilight changed her mind.