Chapter 5: Psychology of Deception
(Twilight)
***
A light creamy yellow earth pony with a blue and pink mane sat alone at a cafe table. Resting on the long cushioned seat, a hefty stack of books lay beside the image of three wrapped sweets on her flank. Some of the titles read Politics for Dummies, Diarchy Republics and You, and So You Want To Rule?
The mare looked over an unfolded newspaper with mild pleasure as several royal guards passed by the window, galloping off down the street.
Finally, I get some peace and relative solitude.
The mare returned her gaze to her reading material. Hidden behind an issue of Equestria Daily was another book. Spelling Secrets: Espionage is Magic.
As the tail end of the squad of guards passed the café, a guard clad in purple and gold armor peeled off from the group. His horn was glowing and his head moved to and fro, as he moved back up the street. He was making his way towards Doughnut Joe’s Pastries.
The reading mar's ears perked up to the chime of the bell above the café entrance. The place was relatively packed, but the patrons became silent at the sight of a fully armored palace guard. They promptly continued on as if it were a normal sight.
“Hey!”
“Why I never!”
A few customers uttered in annoyance as they were enveloped in magic and lifted off their seats.
“Official royal business, do not be alarmed,” the guard said with a professional tone. Most tried to ignore the disturbance. The white stallion made his way to each table in search of something. They finally came to a stop in front of the lone reading mare.
“May I have a seat here?” He asked. This must be her, he thought. Now I just need to get her to spill it. How clever of her to come ‘here’ at this time of day. He pictured tying the mare up and carrying her out the door before she knew what hit her, but quickly pushed the daydream from his mind. This job is really turning me more devious by the day.
The cream colored mare pretended to be engrossed in her reading, waving a hoof in a welcoming gesture, before the stallion took a seat across from her. Oh horseapples, how did they find me so fast? Maybe he doesn’t know yet.
“Hey there, Shining Armor. Lost her again, have we?” A light brown stallion gave a soft chuckle. He wore a white apron and a shirt with a single red stripe around the waist.
“Oh I wouldn’t say that, Joe. I have a feeling she's gotta be close.” The guard gave joe a quick wink, not bothering to hide it at all.
The mare at the table ducked almost imperceptivity further behind the newspaper.
“I’m glad a dedicated pony like you is protecting us city folk, even if some are not so enthusiastic about a big brother watching over us. Anyway, what’ll it be today sir?” The proprietor asked, pulling out a small notebook.
“I’ll have what she’s having. That is, whatever she did have.” A white hoof indicated the empty cups and plates of crumbs. If it is her, I know exactly what she will order.
“So that would be tea, coffee, and two vanilla glaze and rainbow sprinkled doughnuts, with raspberry filling.” The order was taken down and Shining looked as though he had expected something else. Joe began clearing the plates with his magic and started for the kitchen.
“I’ll have another pair of donuts well,” said the mare before he was out of earshot.
Doughnut joe turned back to the table. “That would be your eighth, haven’t you had enough miss?...”
“Bon Bon.” The pony seemed slightly agitated. “Can’t a mare indulge herself once in awhile?” I’ve kind of had a sweets craving lately. What is with Celestia's body.
“Sure you can, especially if you’re Celestia,” Doughnut Joe said nonchalantly.
“What is that supposed to mean?” she said, still keeping the paper up, but turning to listen with great interest.
Joe took a deep breath. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Shining probably already knows, and you don’t look like one to spread rumors. That is, I haven't seen you before. The regulars tend to gossip.”
Playing dumb are we? I’ll play your game ‘Bon Bon,’ Shining thought, as he removed his armor with his magic and placed it beside him. He took a seat, crossed his hooves.
Doughnut Joe continued in a slightly hushed voice. “That bundle of nerves comes in here late at night, ordering piles of pastries and tea, unloading all the stresses of work. I just wonder where she packs it all. I mean seriously, she nearly cleans me out.”
“What does she talk about? I mean, why do you think she does that?” said Twilight. Celestia is so calm, when I’m around. What could be bothering the most powerful being in this Equestria?
“I've mostly learned to drown her out, but I do pick up a lot about Twilight Sparkle. She talks about how she wishes she had more time off to spend with her, and that running a country is such a pain in the flank. She tries to make new friends, but they either just pretend to be friendly so they can influence the government, or they're scared out of their mind.”
Doughnut Joe plopped beside Shining Armor, who shied away from the greasy pastry chef.
“I miss the days when that nerdy purple filly came here with all her books. She kept me company on many a late night. But hey, you don’t see me letting myself go and I own this fat flank joint.” Some nearby customers instinctively looked down at their furry bellies, some blushed with shame.
“That was a while back, when this joint was going under, but once one of your regulars becomes The Element of Magic and ‘Saviour of Equestria,’ business tends to pick up. I owe a lot of thanks to that filly, and to Celestia during those—”
“Hey Joe! What’s the holdup?” a customer yelled impatiently.
“Pipe down, I’ll get your order in a minute.” Joe leaned in closer to the table and made a poor excuse of a hushed whisper behind his hoof. "He could use the wait, more like a few months’ wait, and some exercise."
Twilight slightly lowered the paper during Joe’s explanation, and the mare’s cheeks flushed slightly red as Doughnut Joe had brought up his hooves to air quote, ‘savior of Equestria.’ What did Celestia have to do with it
Shining Armor took mental note of the blush.
Joe looked over the crowd, picking up more impatient glares. “I’d be glad to tell you more, but I need to fill some orders first. I see that you also came to enjoy Twilight’s favorite doughnut.”
“My, err Twilight’s favorite?” She looked around in surprise, and noticed almost everypony had at least one of the same rainbow-sprinkled pastries.
“Have you been living in a dragon cave? After she got all famous, I have had to make dozens upon dozens of these vanilla raspberry filled sweets. I’m just glad Twilight liked such a simple doughnut.” Joe hustled away into the kitchen.
As soon as the shop owner left, Shining Armor turned to the mare and spoke with an air of determination, “So, your name is Bon Bon, and where does Ms. Bon Bon hail from?”
Just act natural. You can do this. “Ponyville.”
“And what does one like yourself do, in Ponyville?” She has to slip up eventually.
“Most of the time I hang out with my friend Lyra Heartstrings.”
“NO! I mean for a job. Shining rubbed the side of his head. Sorry for yelling, I got the chills.”
Chills, yeah right. My brother always gets like this when he gets anxious about something. “As for my job...” What the hay does she do? All she does is spend time with that human obsessed mare. She looked down at her flank for inspiration. “I sell sweets, door to door.”
The Guard Captain crossed his hooves on the table. Damn, thought I had her with that one. “Being a door to door salespony pays the bills?”
In the snootiest voice she could muster, she said, “No, not really, but I get lots of time to lounge in the park. Not that it is any of your business, but a better wage is what I’m here for.” The fake aggravated voice paid off as their little conversation gathered a few listeners. Just a little more time. Cadence always told me I had a way of pushing my brother’s buttons.
Shining was far too focused to notice the eavesdroppers as he continued his interrogation. “So where do you work around here?”
“Look! If you must know, I just got accepted to work at the castle as part of the serving staff. I would like to finish the paper before training starts. Is it lawful for royal guards to go around interrogating innocent citizens about their personal affairs!” Nearly half of the café was engaged now. A few guards entered and joined the audience too.
“Now, you look!” Shining Armor shook the table with a stamp of his front hooves. “We both know how this is going to end. I know who you really are and I’m running out of patience. I’m just doing my job. Besides, you haven't even been reading that paper.”
Twilight recited a number of titles from the paper, surprising the stallion a little. “If you know then why are you getting so worked up? Who do you think I am?” The mare said more than loud enough.
Shining Armor's face grew red, then a sly smile crossed his muzzle. You lose this time. You made too many mistakes. “If you’re about to work on the serving staff, name somepony on the serving staff?”
“Easy, Porcelain Pot and Silver Platter.” Really, that was your next best question?
“HA! Hahah. You may have fooled me by not becoming depressed at the sight of my sister’s favorite pastry, pretending to be ignorant during Joe’s little history lesson, and you even had a good reason for being in Canterlot, what with your fake friends and jobs, but that is where this game of cat and mouse ends!”
Twilight scanned the crowd and her enraged brother. Perhaps I over did it? He seems like he’s about to lose it. I just wanted him to leave.
Shining quietly clapped his hooves. “I applaud you for your most elaborate backstory yet, but who reads books about ruling a kingdom and espionage?” But wait, you already know about that material. Why re-read that now? The stallion looked a little confused, but still determined. Any second now she will admit it and we can get out of here.
“I... I just wanted to be... be informed about the ruling structure and I wanted to be prepared for spies, so I... I could protect the princesses... you're scaring me.” He does have a good point about the books. If Rainbow Dash wasn’t suspecting every new pony of being a spy, I probably wouldn't’ have given the book a second thought. I can still pull this off. Just bring on those fake tears like your filly days.
“Playing the Sacred Innocent card huh? How do you know the names of Celestia’s personal servants on day one? Only trusted servants of two years of service even meet them. The only way you would know those names is if you were Celestia.” Those forced sobs, that look, and that breathing pattern are so... familiar.
The crying ceased and an awkward nervous look appeared on Twilight’s disguised face. “Well... um... I... can explain” How did he get so good. He always fell for that fake cry.
The worried look on the mare before him struck another alarm in Shining’s mind. He used a telepathic spell to signal the nearby guards. “Go ahead and try to explain yourself.”
Everypony in the restaurant was on the edge of their seats, as though they were at the climax of a Daring Do radio broadcast. It turned dead silent as the last few customers even stopped mid bite or mid chew. A doughnut rolled off the belly of a particularly fat patron, before wobbling to a halt at Doughnut Joe’s hooves. The baker levitated the sweet off the tile floor, rolling it over in his magical grasp, soaking in the awkward scene before breaking the silence.
“So what’s the hubbub, bub?” Joe asked, leaning against the table and eying the captain.
Before Shining Armor could answer Joe’s inquiry, the crowd turned wild, as wild as a bunch of snooty rich folks can get anyway.
“This Shining fellow has caused this poor pony to cry,” a stallion snorted.
“That gruff guard is grating on this innocent mare. It gives me a ghastly feeling in my gut,” another stallion adjusted his monocle as he spoke.
“Are you two serious? She is obviously a spy!” A third stallion with a tuxedo and a black bow tie broke in.
“No way, you heard her, she just needs bits to help support her secret relationship with that Lyra.” A mare, with what looked like a Bulbous Bouffant mane style, raised a few strange looks and whispers from her comment.
“When is the government going to stay out of everypony’s business? Also, you betta get me a bucket,” uttered a fat stallion with a streak of frosting down his front.
“Yeah, down with ‘The Man!’” Everypony just stared in confusion at the fellow who said that.
Twilight recognized the subtle message spell her brother had cast from the book she had been reading. Taking advantage of the distraction, she had packed all the books into a pair of saddlebags. Just as she began to charge a teleportation spell, Shining Armor turned, swept the the newspaper off the table and shoved it over the mare’s head. The crowd was still in a heated discussion, sparked by ‘The Man’ comment and the mention of spies.
“My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, heard from this stallion who knows this filly, who's going out with a mare who saw a man once.”
“What was it like?” An intrigued customer asked.
“Well, they wear clothes all the time, and only have a tuft of hair on their head. Other than that, they are just pink fleshy creatures that walk on two legs.”
“That’s not scary. That just sounds like a hairless minotaur.”
“I heard they can fly around in big metal machines that can spray smaller hunks of metal at their foes.”
A young stallion got up from his seat. “So, we have two alicorns that can fly, without the help from machines and could rain death from above with their superior magic bolts.”
“Yeah but humans do it all... without magic.” The crowd gasped. “They could be watching us right now from the stars. Any moment they could blow us all up with little red buttons.”
“Oh please, now you’re just making things up,” A mare with a fancy mane style waved off the ridiculous claims.
There was a large flash from Twilight’s abrupt teleportation, which momentarily broke the discussion in the room about humans, spies, and questionable pony relationships.
“Hey! Where did she go?”
“Do you think she was a human spy?”
“No, I don’t know if they have females.”
***
That was close...
Twilight reappeared in the alley where she had donned her disguise earlier that day. She hadn't run any significant distance, but was panting from the excitement none the less. All she had wanted was some time alone to read, relax, and eat lunch. That had been all but impossible in the Palace. What with the guards, servants, and nobles constantly bothering her.
If I had known it would be that much trouble I would have...
Her thoughts were cut off by three bright lights of teleportation. “Just give it up.” Shining Armor stood at the alley entrance, backed by two more guards.
“This doesn't make any sense. How did you know? How did you track my magic trail, and why does the royal guard have to shadow the princesses all the time?” The act was over, but Twilight didn’t drop the disguise.
“I had my suspicions when I noticed the neatly stacked books. Most earth ponies can’t hold and stack books that neatly without magic, plus your hooves were too clean.”
He held up the newspaper she had been reading. It now bore a horn sized hole. "Not that this was necessary for your conviction, but it proves that you were never an earth pony and you most likely cast that teleportation spell. Few disguise spells can hide a horn while using magic. If I had a horn that big, I don’t think I could hide it either.”
Shining Armor had a hardened look on his muzzle as he moved in on Twilight.
“As for how we found you, goddesses tend to have bigger magical trails, which are harder to hide. It’s like trying to contain a dragon in a hat box.”
The three stallions marched closer.
“Third. Before Luna became Nightmare Moon, she suggested that guards always accompany important figures, that way they could not be replaced with imposters. Luna may not be able to make any laws post her banishment, but any decrees prior still hold true.”
The sturdy white stallion and his two reinforcements were right in her face. He suddenly smiled and said, “I guess I finally win one. Let’s get back to the castle before you draw too much attention.”
Wow, my brother has gotten really good. Twilight reluctantly admitted to herself.
His relaxed posture and smile set Twilight at ease. This just made it all the more surprising when he pounced on her. Before she could process the assault, three restraining auras washed over her body. Her Bon Bon façade faded away and the guards pinned her to the stone backing of the alleyway by her wings. "I should have seen that coming."
“You would have known all of what I just told you, and you would have dogged me... If you were the real Celestia!” His horn glowed, but this latest spell seemingly did nothing.
Shining looked to both his guards, and back to the helpless disheveled alicorn.
“I had a number of theories about what was happening here. That spell should have rid you of any magic to make you appear as Celestia. That leaves the possibility that a creature Luna described as a Changeling, is using an ability to appear as Celestia. That, or I’m going to be charged with treason for attacking a royal family member.”
The guard captain nodded to his two compatriots and they charged up two battle spells. Shining charged a different magic of his own. Twilight braced for the end. She didn’t bother trying to struggle. At least Celestia can live on in my form and there is still ‘her.’
A bright green flash spilled out from the alley. Twilight felt the pressure of hooves on her wings lift and the magic restraints dissolved away. Something he had done drained all her strength and her limp, but conscious form slid down the wall to the cobbled ground.
The white stallion faced away, with a beaten look on his face. “My last theory was that you were a certain special filly in my life, but that... is ridiculous. Well, I'll surely be sent to jail soon, or maybe the moon. I’m sorry my little LSBFF, I guess... I guess I’ll be missing you for a while.”
“I’m not a changeling and I’m not your little filly anymore... BBBFF,” she whispered. He’s gotten really good... and scary. “You also forgot your armor at Joe’s place.”
“But... she... I... how long...” It looked as though Shining Armor was about to turn around, but instead fell to the ground, out cold.
“Uh sir?” The two Guards said in unison.
When the guards were staring at their leader, Twilight felt a little energy returning to her. Two quick red flashes in the alleyway and the guards wobbled a little, dazzed and confused.
“What are you standing there for? Shining Armor just saved us all and you two are sitting there dumbstruck. Help him and I back to the castle.” Chapter four: a good spy always knows a good memory spell, Twilight recalled. She didn’t have the heart to wipe out her brother’s memory, and his will score was probably too high anyway.
***
Back at Doughnut Joe’s, a dirty light brown stallion, with buck teeth and a turnip hat, slipped on a set of purple and gold armor. His legs shook under the sheer weight of the leather and steel.
“Hey boss, I’m da Capi-tan of the Royal Guard. Fear me,” he chuckled.
Doughnut Joe threw a mop in his face. “A.C. Turnip Truck. The only thing I’m going to fear is the flank whipping you’re gonna get from me and Shining Armor if you don’t take that off and get to work!”
***
To be continued.