“We should probably get going…”
Rainbow nodded, pulling herself to her hooves. As she stretched, the sunlight caught on the dried tear tracks down her cheeks. She turned, offering a small smile. “I’ll walk you to the train station.”
The day had passed as the pair sat, the sun now coming in at a sharp angle. Shadows cast by the trees divided their path into harsh stripes of light and dark. They walked together in silence, Rainbow keeping her gaze forward, Scootaloo watching the path. Finally she cleared her throat, and spoke.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“Do?” Rainbow turned, startled, her hoofsteps slowing slightly.
“Well, yes,” Scootaloo said slowly, “I mean, you must have a plan.”
“My plan is to live my life.” Rainbow’s words were flat, final. She turned her face back to the front, picking the pace back up as she entered a patch of shadow.
Scootaloo fell a few steps behind at first, then hurried back to her side. Her mind spun in circles, trying to find a way back around the door that just slammed in her face.
“Teacher?” Dimly Scootaloo was aware that the sounds of wheels rattling across concrete had come to a halt.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push,” she said softly. “I’m just worried. I don’t know much about what you’re dealing with, and I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
“I am. The doc said being active helps,” Rainbow said with a chuckle, “and I’m as active as I can get!”
Scootaloo nodded slowly. “That’s good. So, she’s working with you to find a plan?”
Rainbow’s smirk disappeared as she fixed her friend with a glare. “I said I’m not interested in taking pills or whatever. I’m fine.”
“For how long?” Scootaloo struggled to keep her voice gentle. “Shouldn’t you think about-”
“I don’t want to think about it!” Rainbow rounded on Scootaloo, ears laid back. Taking a breath, she straightened and continued through clenched teeth, “Look, I get you want to help. But it’s nothing. Nothing has changed, and nothing has to change yet. I told you because, I don’t know, I guess I wanted someone to talk to! Or something. Not because I wanted someone to tell me what to do!”
Speechless, Scootaloo stared. Rainbow’s wings were flared to their full length, framing her pinched, angry face, her eyes shining. Hesitantly, she swallowed, then faintly managed to whisper, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“No. It’s fine.” Rainbow pulled herself back, pushing her mane out of her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I- I think you can find the train on your own. I really should be getting back to the team.”
“Rainbow…”
“Bye, Scootaloo.”
“Teacher!” The high-pitched voice finally pierced Scootaloo’s thoughts.
“Hmm? What?” She snapped back to the present, shaking her head. In front of her stood a group of ten foals in helmets, all staring at her with wide eyes. Each held a skateboard, including the young pegasus at the front of the group.
“Um, Teacher? Doesn’t the bell mean we switch to the next thing?” A lavender colt in the front was the one who spoke up, shifting on his hooves and glancing nervously at her.
“Oh, uh, right! Of course!” She forced a smile, scrambling briefly to remember the day’s schedule. Behind the group, the ground dipped away into one of the smallest skate bowls. Right, Monday. After the skate park… the lake. Bringing her attention back to the foal who got her attention, she cheerfully added, “Good job staying on top of things, Shimmer!” Scanning the group, she did a quick count, then nodded. “All right, campers! Grab your skateboards and head back to the equipment shed. We’re heading over to the lake to start learning kayaking, so keep your helmet but not your board! Let’s go!”
With that she turned, listening as they all hurried into place behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, smiled, then started off towards the shed. On the short walk across the grounds of Camp Cutie Mark, she didn’t see the other groups anywhere, though she could hear squeals of laughter from the Art and Music Hut. Sounds like Sweetie already has things in full swing. How long was I spaced out? Pinfeathers. She squashed the temptation to ask her campers how long ago the bell rang. They reached the shed in short order, and she herded them in quickly, standing in the doorway to make sure everypony racked their skateboards properly.
Once they were all gathered back at the door, she called out, “To the lake! Everyone gather at the kayaks for instructions. Let’s go!”
I can’t get my mind off of yesterday… she thought as they walked towards the lake, her hooves finding the path by habit. I shouldn’t have tried to push. She trusted me enough to open up, probably hoping for some sympathy and support, and I jumped on her with all the questions she’s probably been avoiding. Good going, Scoot. And yet… She has to deal with them eventually. She said it’s going to get worse, so shouldn’t she be focused on keeping that from happening as long as possible? Is there any way to delay things? Ugh, I wish I knew more! I don’t have a clue about any of this stuff!
She came to a stop before the kayak rack and turned to her campers. She rattled off the instructions with as much enthusiasm as she could manage, then supervised as they all equipped themselves with life vests, oars, and a kayak each. Grabbing her own adult-sized gear, she led them to the shore where they would all sit in their kayaks and practice paddling on land before trying it out on the water.
I should reach out to her. Apologize. She demonstrated the proper paddling motions, then let her eyes skim across the foals as they copied her. But if I apologize, it will seem like I’m agreeing not to bring it up again. Which I have to, eventually. I just need to give her time. But if I wait too long, she’ll find a way to blow it off. No, I have to reach out first. But, I should give her a day or two to cool down.
Standing and stepping out of her kayak, she carefully walked around the group, watching their attempts at a proper forward stroke. Mentally, she tried to recall her calendar. The next time the Bolts perform is in a week and a half, I think. I should ask her to go get lunch before then. The sound of giggling reached her ears and she turned to see Autumn Berry and Lily Breeze flailing with their paddles as they attempted to smack the blades together. Focus, Scootaloo.
“Girls!” The pair froze, looking at her guiltily. “What are we practicing?”
“The… um. Paddling?” Lily said softly, glancing at her friend for help.
“Paddling the forward… paddle?” Autumn supplied, teal hooves clutching her oar with a death grip.
She stopped in front of the pair, fixing them with a surprised look. “Really? Looked more like fencing to me. Or were you trying to get your cutie marks in smacking ponies with oars?” The rest of the group erupted in giggles. She shushed them with a raised wing, then gave the troublemakers a gentle smile. “What you meant to be practicing was the forward stroke. You wanna get out on the water today?” They nodded eagerly, sitting up. “Then let’s see it!”
She watched as they both tried their best, nodding with approval at Autumn’s more relaxed grip. After correcting Lily’s posture, she nodded at the young earth pony, then turned back to the rest of the group. “Remember, it’s not so funny if you end up rolling your kayak out on the water, so no goofing around. Save that for free time. Now let’s see some paddling!”
The rest of the session went smoothly, though they only got a few minutes on the lake itself, floating around in the shallows, before the clanging of the bell signalled the switch to lunch. A chorus of groans answered the bell, though they quieted at the promise of more lake time tomorrow. They made it back to the equipment shed in an orderly fashion, then stampeded to the mess hall as soon as she released them.
Scootaloo herself took a much more leisurely pace, her mind chasing itself in circles. She found the long tables already packed by the time she walked through the door. She went through the line with the last few campers, nodding distractedly to the pony behind the counter.
She wants things to stay normal. She got upset because I tried to force her to think about how things will have to change eventually. So... If I want her to feel comfortable talking about it, everything else needs to stay as normal as possible. She took her usual seat at the round table in the corner, smiling briefly at the other adults before digging into her food. She needs patience and understanding, and I have to take it slow if I want to help.
“Um, Scootaloo? Hello?”
“Yes? Hi.” She blinked her train of thought away, focusing on Apple Bloom across from her. The earth pony just stared at her, a bemused look on her face. In fact, Sweetie Belle, Nurse Pine Brook, and the two volunteer Helpers were watching her as well. “What?”
“I asked how kayakin’ went,” Apple Bloom prompted.
“Oh, it went pretty good. The Distracted Duo were at it again, but they only needed to be told once. Everypony seemed to really enjoy it,” she said with a shrug, taking another bite of her sandwich. She swallowed, then added sheepishly, “We switched late, actually. I didn’t hear the bell, so they barely even got onto the water before time was up.”
“Didn’t hear the bell?” Sweetie exclaimed. “The really big, really loud bell that can be heard from all corners of Camp?”
“Well, yeah…” Scootaloo admitted, embarrassed. “I’ve been... pretty distracted today.”
“We noticed.” Apple Bloom said dryly, then a look of concern creased her muzzle. “You okay, Scootaloo? Somethin’s on your mind.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind, actually,” she said with a weak laugh. I… I don’t think I can actually tell them, she realized with a start. She glanced around the table, noting not only her best friends but the Nurse and two volunteers as well, all politely listening. Even if Rainbow would be okay with me telling Apple and Sweetie, which she probably wouldn’t be, she definitely wouldn’t want three ponies she doesn’t know to hear about it.
Apple Bloom must have seen the struggle on her face, because she spoke up, “You don’t have to talk about it now,” Suddenly her face brightened, and she turned to the volunteers, an earth pony and a unicorn. “Hey Amber Field, Dancer! You two feel up to handling a group for the afternoon activities together?” The pair nodded eagerly, and once she got a nod from Sweetie Belle as well, she turned back to Scootaloo. “Why don’t ya take the afternoon off? Go home, rest a bit.”
“But I just got back!” Scootaloo protested, though the idea of an afternoon at home sounded incredibly appealing. “And Amber and Dancer have never handled a group on their own before. Not,” she added quickly, with a smile at the teenagers, “that I don’t think they’re fully capable.”
“The afternoon schedule is easy,” Sweetie pointed out. “Besides, you said yourself that you’re really distracted. I’m with Apple Bloom. Go take some time for yourself. Figure out whatever is on your mind. We can talk tomorrow, okay?”
“If you’re sure?” Even Nurse Pine nodded, so Scootaloo sighed. “Thanks, girls. I promise I’ll be on top of things tomorrow.” Grabbing her tray, she turned to Amber and Dancer. “Good luck, you two. And keep a close eye on Lily Breeze and Autumn Berry. You really have to keep them on task or they’ll just goof off.” She hesitated, trying to think of anything else they’d need to know, but Sweetie started making shoo-ing motions at her so she shook her head and turned away. “Alright, alright. See you guys tomorrow.”
She only made it halfway home before the idea of staying cooped up in her house with nothing but her thoughts lost all of its appeal. She slowed, not sure where else to go, until she found her hooves leading her towards the edge of Ponyville. If I want to know more about what’s going on, there’s only one place to go. Maybe I can get some answers. Her mind made up, she picked up her pace, making towards the School of Friendship.
After the destruction of the Golden Oak Library, Ponyville had been without a library until Twilight’s castle emerged and she made her own book collection the start of a public library. Then, when she founded the School of Friendship, it had needed a library for the students. So, to keep things efficient, she moved the vast majority of her books to the school and made that library open to the public, keeping only her private collection in the castle. Scootaloo had only made a few visits herself over the years, but those few glimpses were enough to convince her just about anything a pony could want to learn could be found there.
When she made it to the school, class was in session still, the halls empty. Thanks to the thorough system of signs and arrows, she was able to find the library without too much trouble. She gently closed the door behind her with a sigh of relief, then turned to face the sea of books.
To the left was the library counter, a dark green stallion sitting behind it reading a book. To her right, the card catalog wall. That would be her first stop.
She said it was a… movement disorder… Should I start with health? If I find something medical that will be a start… Right before the drawers of the card catalog was a small desk with quills in a jar and a stack of parchment scraps. She took one of each. Slowly she made her way from one drawer to the next, struggling to remember how to navigate the system. Eventually she was able find a few titles that looked promising. She scrawled their call numbers on her parchment and returned the quill to the jar. Then she grabbed one of the large book bags from the hook on the side of the desk, and turned to the stacks.
About half an hour later, she made her way towards the check out desk, bag bulging. Honestly, I’m not sure what half of their titles even mean, she admitted, eyeing her haul. I just grabbed anything that looked relevant. I’ve got books on a few movement disorders, other illnesses that involve shaking and muscle stuff, general ‘as ponies get older’ books, one on ‘degenerative’ diseases, a couple self help books, some basic health stuff… Something in there has to be helpful.
The pony behind the counter stood and set his book aside as she approached, yawning softly. “Did you find everything you needed?” He asked politely as she heaved her bag onto the counter.
“I think so,” Scootaloo replied, pulling the books out one at a time and stacking them in front of him.
He nodded, holding his hoof out. “Library card?”
“Oh. Uh…” Scootaloo’s face reddened as she tried to remember if she still had a library card. Do library cards expire? “I… think I left it at home, sorry.”
“She has a card, you can just put it under her name. Or you can just use my card,” a voice said from behind her. Even if she didn’t know the voice, the look of pleased surprise on the librarian’s face would have tipped her off.
“Twilight! Um, Princess, I mean…” Scootaloo turned, smiling at the alicorn.
“You know better than that, Scootaloo,” Twilight Sparkle said with a chuckle, her purple eyes warm.
“Sorry. I haven’t seen you in a long time! How have you been?”
“Busy!” Twilight chirped, seeming a little too proud of the fact. “The school gets bigger every year, and being the Principal takes up most of my time. Still, everything has been going smoothly, thanks to my amazing faculty.” The last was directed over Scootaloo’s shoulder at the librarian, who chuckled. As Scootaloo turned so she could see both of them, the purple mare continued, “How’s the library been today, Quill?”
“Fairly quiet today, Boss,” he answered, then saw the Princess’ disappointed look and added, “but I’m sure it will pick up next week as midterms approach.”
“Good.” She nodded, then looked at Scootaloo. “It’s certainly good to see you in here! Finally found some time for reading?”
As she spoke, Twilight took a step forward, looking at the books stacked on the counter. “Oh wow, looks like some heavy reading!” Suddenly remembering the subject of the books, Scootaloo took a half step forward, but already Twilight had tilted her head, scanning the titles. “Neurodegenerative Diseases: Neurobiology, Pathogenesis, and Therapeutics… Mareden’s Book of Movement Disorders… Is this for your camp? Or a research project? Or-” Her voice faltered, first confusion, then concern flitting across her face.
“Yeah, kinda research,” Scootaloo said quickly. “Just, trying to educate myself.” She shrugged, smiling. Technically that’s the truth. Still, she felt more than a little uncomfortable as Twilight’s eyes searched hers, still looking concerned.
“It looks like you’ve chosen an interesting topic to study,” Twilight said slowly. Turning, she produced a library card and passed it to Quill. “Just check these out under my name. I’m sure Scootaloo will return them all on time.” As soon as Quill took her card and started writing the information on the check out sheet, Twilight took a step to the side, motioning with a wing for Scootaloo to follow. “That’s going to take him some time,” she said as explanation.
They stopped just past the desk, near one of the book-covered walls. “Thanks for lending your card. I didn’t bring my card, because I wasn’t really planning on coming to the library today,” Scootaloo started, a sheepish half smile across her muzzle. “I just ended up here.”
“You had something on your mind, and decided some research might make it easier to handle?” Twilight suggested with an understanding smile.
“Exactly that, actually,” Scootaloo answered, startled. Well, I guess being good at understanding ponies comes with the friendship stuff. “I guess, sometimes it’s easier to think about something once you understand it better.”
The princess nodded. “Trying to handle something you don’t understand can be overwhelming. I find research is a good place to start with something unfamiliar. Once you know your enemy, so to speak, it’s usually not so scary.” She paused, glancing at the nearest shelf. “I’m pretty good at research, if I do say so myself. Plus, I know this library like my own hooves,” she said lightly, glancing at the pegasus. “If you need help finding anything, I’d be happy to help. No questions asked.”
Suddenly the alicorn’s edges went fuzzy, and Scootaloo was embarrassed to discover her eyes filling with tears. She blinked rapidly, looking down. “That’s really nice of you. I… I might take you up on that,” she said, only looking up when she felt confident the moment had passed and her eyes would stay dry. When she did, she found Twilight reading the nearest spines, clearly giving Scootaloo a moment.
“Twilight… thank you.”
“Of course,” Twilight answered easily, turning to face her fully. “I mean it about helping you find books. And I will respect your privacy. But… I’m also here if you want to talk.” She reached out a wing, giving her a small hug. Taking a breath, she added gently, “I’ve known you since you were a filly. If something is wrong, I would love to be able to support you and be there for you.”
“It’s not m-” Scootaloo bit off the rest of that sentence, and the desire to correct Twilight’s assumption. Instead she settled for, “I appreciate that. If I need to talk, I’ll know where to find you. For now, though, I have a lot of reading to do…”
“That you do! And it looks like Quill has them all ready for you.” They walked back to the counter where the librarian was, indeed, done. When Scootaloo started to balance a book on her back, Twilight snatched it from her, shaking her head and placing it in the book bag instead. “Take this one with you. You need it.”
“Thanks. I’ll bring it back when I return these,” Scootaloo promised, loading the bag up. “Thanks, Quill, and Twilight,” she said, the words suddenly seeming inadequate.
“Any time, Scootaloo,” Twilight replied, hugging her. Quill just nodded.
Grabbing the bag in her teeth, she gave the best smile she could manage, then turned towards the exit. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight. But maybe she would get some answers.