“Spike!” Starlight called. “Could you add something to the shopping list for me please?”
“Sure,” Spike pulled out a quill. He always kept one at hand. “What do you need?”
“A live pig, an engraver’s kit, a pound of silver, ten pounds of salt, a dozen candles, a pinch of sulfur, and a sharp cooking knife,” after a moment, she added, “A cheap knife. I’m only going to get to use it once.”
“And uh…” Spike cleared his throat. “What do you need all this for?”
“I’m trying to lose some weight.”
After considering his options, Spike decided not to ask any more questions.
“Has Starlight lost some weight recently?” Twilight squinted across the way, where Starlight could be seen chatting up Trixie.
“I don’t know nuthin’ bout nuthin’.” Spike said, pointedly staring at the table.
“I think she has. She looks really fit.” Twilight and Spike were taking breakfast together on the castle balcony overlooking the town. Spike had his bowl of gems, and Twilight had a tall plate of pancakes. “Kind of toned? In a good way?”
Off in the distance, Twilight watched Starlight put a hoof under Trixie’s chin. Trixie swatted it away, but she also smiled a silly little smile, and her tail tucked up under her. “Like, you know, not out there. But confident in her appearance. That must be nice.”
“Every time you get involved in Trixie and Starlight’s business you regret it. Literally every time.”
“I could look that good.” Twilight brushed her mane with her hoof. “I don't know. Maybe braid my hair?”
“Shiny scales and large claws. Drives girls crazy.”
“You’re right. I should just go talk to her.” Twilight rose from the table. “Thanks, Spike!”
Twilight vanished in a flash of purple light. Spike sighed, and lowered his head.
“Oh, no secret.” Starlight let out a stiff chuckle. “I’ve been jogging more lately.”
“Jogging?” Twilight tilted her head. “Well, you know. It’s working for you.”
“Oh, uh… thanks!” She cleared her throat. “Well, anyway, I should really get to school for the day. Gotta shape those bright young minds!”
“Yeah, oh, of course. Pfft!” Twilight waved her hoof in the air, though precisely what she was dismissing wasn’t clear. “Don’t want to take up all your time gossiping. But hey, next time you go jogging, would you mind if I joined you? I could stand a little more exercise.”
“Oh. Join me. Uh…” Starlight took a half step back. “I mean, uh. I don’t know, Twilight. I’m kind of serious about jogging? You know. Preparing for the running of the leaves. I gallop, pretty much the whole way. You’d have to keep up, and I don’t want to put you under that kind of pressure.”
“Keep up? Uh-!” Twilight fluffed out her wings. “I don’t want to offend you, Starlight-”
“Great! See you.” Starlight vanished in a bright blue flash.
“I don’t want to put you under that kind of pressure.” Twilight sat at her desk by the window, doing her best snide voice. “My name is Starlight. My biggests interests are Trixie and being a huge jerk. And since Trixie is a jerk too, I guess I’m kind of a one note pony. And that note is also jerk!”
She tried to refocus on her book. It was well past 1 AM, and she knew she should already have been asleep, but she didn’t feel like reading or sleeping. She felt mad, and she felt like continuing to feel mad.
Then she heard hoofbeats outside the window. When she lifted her head to look, she saw Starlight running off into Ponyville, sweatbands wrapped around her ankles and a set of tight-fitting goggles over her eyes.
“And I’m the sort of jerk who wears sunglasses at night because I think they make me look so cool.” Twilight let out a sharp growl. Then she rose from her desk. “That’s it. Hey, Starlight!”
Starlight didn’t answer, continuing to jog off into the night. Twilight teleported away from her desk and into the air, taking off after Starlight with a few powerful wingbeats. It was a new moon, and the town was nearly pitch black, with only the starlight to see by. “Starlight!” Twilight called again, and again she received no answer.
“You…!” She grumbled. Below her, Starlight put on a sudden burst of speed, racing up the slopes outside Ponyville. Twilight had to beat her wings hard to catch up. “Hey! STOP!”
When still Starlight continued to run, Twilight lost her patience. “That’s it!” she roared. Her horn glowed, and she picked Starlight clear up off the ground. Her legs flailed helplessly in the air as Twilight landed beside her. “What the heck, Starlight?”
“Oh,” Starlight said. Her voice had a strange quality to it -- resonant and deep. It was like a great chorus of ponies were all speaking at once. “I’m very sorry. I did not realize you were calling me. I am not Starlight Glimmer.”
“...wait, what?”
Starlight reached up with her hooves, and pulled the goggles off her eyes. Without them, Twilight could see that Starlight’s eyes were glowing an unearthly red. “You are looking at Starlight’s body. I am Chpaxil the Bloodletter, servant to the Queen in Rags Who Waits Beyond the Crimson Path.”
Twilight blinked once. Then again. “You’re an evil spirit possessing Starlight’s body.”
“Yes.” Chpaxil nodded. “She summoned me on the night of the blood moon, and we struck a fel pact -- that whenever sleep should take her, I would possess her body and control its movements until she woke.”
“...and the jogging?”
“The terms of our accord demand that on five days out of each week, I shall use her body to perform those tasks to which she is ill suited. Namely: exercise, chores, and gardening. And I have to cook and leave it in the fridge.” Chpaxil explained. “But on the weekend, her body is mine to use for my own nefarious purposes!”
“Uh…” Twilight bit her lip. “And what nefarious purposes are those?”
“Well… honestly, it hasn’t been going well.” Chpaxil gestured up at the sky. “I’ve been trying to start a cult, but you know, it’s hard when you only have the weekends. You think you’re just going to do your job and then spend your off time on cool projects, but when Saturday rolls around, I don’t even feel like sacrificing a virgin mare to open the tenfold gate. I just want to unwind and enjoy that Starlight’s body can get drunk.”
Twilight stared in silence. She stared for a long time.
“You know,” Chpaxil offered, “I have a sister! If you want the same deal. She’s between summoners at the moment, but she works really hard and-”
“Nope.” Twilight said. “I’m out.” She dropped Starlight, teleported back to the castle, and went straight to bed.
The next morning, Starlight walked past the breakfast table, and asked Spike to add twenty gallons of blood and a hundred live spiders to their shopping list.
Neither he nor Twilight asked any questions. It was the best day ever.