It was quiet in the castle. Too quiet. It was as if it were a serene calm biding its time, offering a single moment of sincere serenity before the deadly storm moved onto the coast, destroying all in its wake.
Slam!
Spike burst through the front door, panting and heaving, trying to catch his breath. It had been at least however old he was since he last got that much exercise in one go. It was not a short trip from Sweet Apple Acres to the castle; not in the slightest.
He peered around the living area and saw that it was empty. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief at the realization. His arms were shaking, and his foot was tapping the ground, and he couldn’t make it stop. The more he thought about what he was about to do, the worse it got.
He strode his way into the kitchen. Maybe he had time to grab a quick cup of coffee before everything went down? She was bound to be back soon, but perhaps she’d be hanging out with Trixie or something first.
He peeked his head in to check, just to be safe, and found it to be empty. Another wave of relief swept over him. He went to his favorite cupboard, grabbed the household’s coffee of choice, ‘Discord’s Breakfast Bonanza Blend,’ and got the water set over the stove. He was going to need all the help he could get to make this work.
As the water began to heat up, he had a moment to prepare himself. He had never been this nervous to talk to anypony. The Princesses? Easy. Big, bad, supervillains? A cakewalk. And typically, Starlight was one of the most comfortable ponies for him to talk to. He could come to her about anything, almost. How he was stressed out about something, how excited he was about the latest development in the comics he read; even something as trivial as what cologne he should buy. This was all stuff they were able to talk about with ease.
But one night changed all of that. Now, his heart pounded just thinking about facing her, looking at her, hearing her voice.
Nothing made sense.
Starlight stopped and looked up at the towering castle before her. She dreaded this moment more than anything she could think of. Not that her brain was in prime condition for doing much thinking at all.
Her hooves trembled against the dirt pathway leading to the castle entrance. Once she went inside, it was all or nothing. No second thoughts. Maybe it wasn’t too late? She could turn around and catch a train. But where? Anywhere would be fine. Maybe the dragonlands needed some friendship lessons in social structure and economics. She’d be doing the world a service if she forgot about this silly relationship issue with Spike!
She got as far as lifting one hoof in the air before throwing it back down.
No!
She wasn’t going to run. Not this time. She loved Spike. In what manner? She wasn’t quite sure yet. But she was going to talk this out. She cared about him too much to leave the situation in limbo. And she knew in her heart, if she let it slide for any longer, they’d never figure things out, and she’d lose the creature she cared about more than any other, forever.
She filled her lungs with a fresh breath of air and determination and took a few cautious steps forward. Her pace was slow and steady as she crept forward. The castle was getting closer, and she could feel her fur standing on edge and her stomach doing cartwheels as she moved. But she pressed on. She wasn’t going to back down now.
Their friendship depended on it. She depended on it.
They needed this.
A sharp whistle from the tea kettle pierced the air, cutting off Spike’s train of thought. He couldn’t help but lick his lips as he thought about the tasty beverage awaiting him. Coffee was less of a luxury these days and more of a necessity. He moved the kettle to an unused burner, spooned some of the coffee into a filter, placed it over his cup and poured the hot water.
The aroma was indeed a beauty to behold.
Once all the water was in the cup, he took just a moment to savor the feeling of the steam sifting through his nostrils and over his face. This may be the last chance he had to relax for the rest of the day, and he thoroughly planned on using it.
Because once everything went down, there’d be no turning back.
There was no turning back.
Starlight was standing right in front of the door. She had no idea if Spike was already home or not, but she already committed herself, and once she opened those doors, she was going to wait for him, and she was going to force him to talk it out. Whether he liked it or not.
It would be awkward. It’d be strange. It might get a little too personal for either of their liking, but it was going to happen. Besides, they got about as personal as you could get the previous night, anyhow. What more could happen?
She took a few deep breaths and placed a hoof on the door handle. It was time.
The door slowly creaked open, and she stepped inside. Now she was committed.
Spike stared into the brown liquid in his cup. He was going to savor every bit of it. He didn’t have much time though, so he was going to have to hurry.
Once Starlight stepped through those doors, he wasn’t going to be fooling around. He’d just lay it all out, confusion and all. He’d sound stupid, he’d look ridiculous, he may seem just a bit cheesy, but since when was love and sex anything but ridiculous and cheesy?
It was the way it had to be.
She ran a hoof through her mane, wiping a few droplets of sweat off her forehead in the process. She tossed the tablecloths she brought with her on the nearest surface she could find, which just so happened to be the floor.
The castle was quiet. It’s possible he hadn’t arrived yet. Or maybe he was just up in his room. That’d buy her some time. Once he went to his room, he usually didn’t come back out until it was the next meal time.
So, this could only mean one thing, of course.
Coffee break.
As she strolled toward the kitchen, only one thought plagued her mind, though. An idea that’s been itching at the back of her skull since she left Rarity’s.
Spike took his first sip of coffee, relishing the warmth that ran over his tongue and down his throat. But, no matter how great it tasted or how much it soothed his soul, he was still bothered by one lingering thought. A doubt he couldn’t shake that had troubled him all morning.
A single, simple question that had anything but a simple answer.
What if we can’t work things out?
“Ah, Spike!”
“Wha-?!” The dragon almost dropped his cup at the sudden voice shattering the quiet atmosphere. He turned around to see Starlight standing in the doorway, her eyes wide. “Oh, Starlight. You scared me. Uh, hey there. I, um, I didn’t know you were home.”
She took a few breaths. “Oh, yeah, same here. I just got back from Rarity’s a second ago. I thought you were at Big Mac’s getting apples? I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
“Oh, that, yeah.” Spike chuckled nervously. “I was. I just got back a bit earlier than I thought. I figured I’d kind of chill back at home instead of going out for the day. You know, one of those days and all.”
“Yeah, definitely, one of those days.” Starlight lightly tapped a hoof on the ground, her eyes darting around the room, searching for anything else she could fixate her eyes on.
“So,” Spike continued, attempting to find a similar target with his eyes. “Did you, uh, did you need something? I’m kind of in the way here, I know, but I can move! So you can get whatever.”
“No, no, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular.” Starlight giggled quietly before shaking her head. “Actually, yeah, I was. I just wanted to get some coffee. Try to wake a little bit.”
Spike looked at the stove where the empty kettle stood and then back to his cup. “Oh, uh, here!” He took a few steps forward and held out the cup of coffee in his claw. “I just made this. I didn’t think about making enough for two, but you can have mine. I’m not as thirsty as I thought, heh.”
Starlight didn’t want to argue the point and instead took the cup in her magic. “Oh… thank you, Spike.”
“I should tell you, though,” he said, raising a claw. “I took a drink out of it already. So, if you don’t want my dragon germs, I can make you a new cup. But, it’s uh, it’s up to you.”
Starlight felt a rising warmth in her chest as she looked at the cup and then back to him. “Don’t worry, Spike. I don’t think I could ever be afraid of your germs, again.” She took a sip and closed her eyes. He knew exactly how to make the perfect cup of coffee.
Spike blushed rather heavily on his end. “I guess you’re right, huh? I didn’t put any cream in it or anything. But I can get some if you want! I’m sure we have some around here somewhere…” He flipped around and started searching through all the wrong cupboards.
“No, Spike, it’s alright.” She took another sip. “It’s perfect the way it is.”
He stopped what he was doing, which just so happened to be sifting through the silverware drawer for some reason and turned around. “Alright, cool.”
A silence held in the air between them. Starlight was fixated on the ground while Spike was counting all the bumps in the ceiling. If the room carried any more weight, they’d both collapse to the floor. Something had to be said. Anything at all.
Starlight racked her brain for the right words. Actually, she could do without the right words, even. Any words would be a gift from the heavens at this point.
Spike was in the same boat on his end. He wanted to throw it on the table, get it out. Tell her that he was sorry and was stupid and he didn’t know what he was doing and that he cared about her. But, he couldn’t get over the pain in his stomach and was afraid he’d just toss up the morning’s breakfast all over the floor the moment he opened his mouth.
But the silence spoke volumes about how they felt and finally, after what had to have been hours, days even, they both said their piece.
“Well, I’ll see you around, Starlight.”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks for the coffee, Spike. I’ll just be in my room.”
Spike began to start twiddling his claws, and Starlight turned around and trotted a few steps toward the door. Then she stopped and turned around. Spike was staring at her, meeting her gaze and not daring to pull away.
It wasn’t going to end like this.
“Spike?” she said turning her body around and setting the coffee on the table. “I don’t want to drown my waffles in syrup for the rest of my life.”
He averted his eyes and nodded. “And I don’t want to duck and cover every time I see you.”
They both shared the sentiment.
“We need to talk.”
Starlight put a hoof over her mouth, and Spike rubbed the back of his neck. They didn’t say anything at first, but eventually, they met each other’s eyes.
Spike released a sigh and stood up straight. “Starlight, about last night. I’m… I’m sorry.”
“S-Sorry?” She tilted her head. “Sorry for what?”
“For everything,” Spike said, throwing his arms in the air. “It was because of me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just, I just felt you nuzzle my cheek, and I wanted to kiss you. So, you know, I did. It was my fault the whole thing happened.”
She shook her head. “No, Spike. Don’t take all the credit for yourself. It wasn’t like I went out of my way to tell you to stop. When you kissed me, well, I liked it. I… I wanted you to keep doing it.” She felt her lip quivering. “And I kissed you back.”
“You did… didn’t you?” Her words put a smile on his face. “I feel guilty. If I would’ve known it’d make everything so… so…”
“Weird?”
“Yeah, weird between us, I would’ve never done anything in the first place.” He took another step towards her, bringing the gap between them to only a few feet. “I never meant to hurt you, Starlight. I-I…” He balled up his claw into a fist and put it against his forehead. “I care about you. A lot. You’ve been my best friend over the last few years. The idea that I did something to hurt you or ruin how you view me? I don’t know if I can live with myself if I have to carry that around.”
She moved a bit closer to him this time. “Spike, I care about you, too. Don’t you understand that? This isn’t just about what you did or what you felt. This happened between both of us. You don’t have to carry it around on your own like you’re the only reason anything happened.” She felt her face heat up just a bit. “Besides, doing uh, you know, that didn’t hurt me at all. The opposite, in fact. I…” She took a deep breath. “I liked it.”
“Huh?” Spike’s eyes widened. “You did?”
She nodded, barely able to meet his gaze. “Yeah. I did.”
“Wow.” Spike released a quick chuckle. “I thought you hated it and just, I don’t know, wanted it to end the whole time.”
Her jaw fell slack for a moment. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you just stared at me the whole time.” He scratched his head. “I mean you kissed me and stuff, but other than that you just… stared. It felt like you hated it and were dealing with it because you had to.”
“Are you serious?” Starlight face-hoofed. “Spike. What do you expect a mare to do in bed? All the stuff they put in those trashy novels?”
He blushed. “Uh, nah, of course not. That’s stupid.”
“Spike, it was amazing.” Her lips curled into a smile. “Your arms around me, the way you looked at me and kissed my cheek. The way you… the way you held my hoof at the end. I just, I felt happy and safe and—” She took another step forward and looked him directly in the eyes, “—loved. For the first time in a long time. Actually, forget that. I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
“Really?” Spike rubbed the back of his head, his heart feeling lighter and lighter. “But, then how come you didn’t tell me? Or, why didn’t you bring it up this morning?”
“Because, Spike, you did do something to hurt me last night.” She turned her head away. “You just left afterward. You didn’t want to talk about it; you didn’t say anything at all. You left.”
“Oh.” Spike knew this would come back to haunt him. “Yeah. That. I’m sor—”
Starlight cut him off, facing him directly. “I felt used almost. Like, you didn’t care. Like once it was over and you had your fun, you stopped caring. Part of me still feels that way a little bit.”
“But Starlight, that wasn’t it at all. I—”
“I mean, I get it, things happen, and you just move on and forget about it. It doesn’t mean anything, right?” She started tapping her hoof again. “It’s just a mistake, right?”
“Please listen to m—”
“Of course, I’m over here thinking it meant something more than just a one-time mistake.” She shook her head. “But maybe that’s just me.”
“Starlight!” Spike reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. “That’s not it! It meant something to me, too. And what it meant?” He released her and looked directly into her eyes, only inches apart from each other. “What it meant scared me. That’s why I left.”
She raised an eyebrow. “But—”
“No!” Spike said, putting up a claw. “It’s my turn to have an emotional spiel.” He pulled his claw down and took a step back. “Starlight, I had no idea what I was feeling last night. All I knew was holding you, kissing you, all that stuff… It was amazing! It was all I wanted. But more than that, I wanted you. And when it was over, and I saw you lying there, not saying anything, I panicked.” He clenched both of his claws into fists. “I panicked because I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, what I was supposed to feel, what I was supposed to think. Nothing made sense, but it was all so simple at the same time. I just wanted to hold you forever, and you know what else I wanted?”
“W-What?” she asked, her words laced with caution.
“I wanted to be able to wake up tomorrow and have things just like they were before.” He frowned. “I loved all those new feelings, but I love the old ones, too. I didn’t know which one I liked more or what I needed to do about it. So, I left and just ran away from it. I love you, Starlight. But when it comes to this whole situation? I’m lost. I’m lost, and I have no idea which direction I’m supposed to go!”
Once again, silence permeated the air, neither able to find the words to say. What was there even to talk about? Both had no idea what they were doing, what they were saying and most certainly they didn’t know what their feelings meant.
“Heh,” Starlight said with a light chortle. “Rarity was wrong. We’re both idiots.”
“What?”
“Nothing, never mind.” Starlight smiled up at him. “Spike, I’m sorry, too. I think we both panicked a bit. Jumping to conclusions and all that.”
“Pfft, yeah right,” the dragon replied. “You didn’t panic at all. You just opened up to me like a responsible adu—”
“I seriously considering starting up a new life in the dragonlands to avoid this conversation.”
Spike deadpanned. “I retract my previous statement.”
And then the floodgates opened. But this time, it was to the tune of an eruption of laughter, both clutching their sides. It was the first honest display of emotion they had all day. Pure, unfiltered laughter while they basked in the nonsense they’d been dealing with since the previous night.
And once it finally stopped, the weight in the air, although not completely gone, had lightened its load immensely. The could finally look each other in the eyes again and not want to jump out the nearest window.
“So,” Spike said. “Do either of us know what we want to do right now?”
She shrugged. “Well, maybe… maybe we both need a little bit of time to think about it. I like you, Spike. I like you a lot. But, if Twilight’s lessons on hormones and all that jazz taught me anything, it’s that I made need to process this for a bit.”
The dragon nodded. “You’re right. I think, uh, I think I like you, too. I love you. But, I’m just not sure in what way yet. Can I be honest with you about something?”
“Of course.”
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at you as just ‘Starlight, my friend’ again.” He released a sigh. “It’s scary to think about, and maybe that’ll change, but right now, I can’t help but see things a little differently.”
“I know what you mean,” she replied. “I know exactly what you mean. But, change happens for a reason, right? And sometimes… sometimes it’s a good reason.”
“Yeah,” Spike said. “Just because the past is gone doesn’t mean something even better can’t take its place.”
Starlight stifled a snicker with her hoof. “True. Did you come up with that one on your own?”
“Nah, I think I read it in a fortune cookie, once.”
They both broke into a small fit of chuckles for a few seconds before addressing each other once more.
“So, uh,” Spike scratched his head. “What do we do now? Like, where do we go from here?”
Starlight bit her lip. “I’m not sure. I guess we could start by catching up on some sleep, heh. And I probably need to wash my sheets.”
“That might be a good idea,” Spike said with a grin. “Both of those things, I mean. And after that, there’s dinner, right? We can do that together.”
“Mhm. And we’ve got our next dance practice tomorrow night. We could try that, too.”
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” Spike smiled. “And, maybe the next day or something, we could try something new, like uh… Like maybe I could buy you dinner? There’s that new hayburger place in Canterlot we could go to.”
She put on a sly grin. “Are you asking me out on an official date?”
“Well,” he blushed. “I wouldn’t mind trying it at least. And I figure a few days is at least a little bit of time to figure a couple of things out. I guess I wouldn’t mind showing up to a place like that with you. I mean, you’re pretty and would obviously make me look cooler than I am and starting again the old-fashioned way might be—”
Starlight reached a hoof up and put it over his lips. “Sure. Let’s try it and just see what happens, okay? I think I’d like it.”
Spike pulled her hoof from his mouth, holding it for just a second before letting go. “I think I will, too.”
With all the stress starting to melt away, the full weight of how worn out they were hit, and they both released mammoth yawns.
“But for now,” Spike continued, “I think we should take up your advice and sleep. I’m pretty tired.”
“Agreed,” Starlight replied, stretching out her legs. “The soul-searching can wait a few hours. Maybe things will make more sense, then.”
“After you, then.” Spike gestured toward the kitchen entryway and followed Starlight out of it.
“Thank you, Spike. Nice to know you at least have manners stored up in that confused head of yours.” She chuckled and looked up at him. “Yeah, don’t think this whole situation is going to get you a pass from your daily dose of snark.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The dragon took a few more steps before stopping.. “There is one more question I’ve been thinking about, though.”
“What’s that?”
He scrunched up his face into a pensive gaze. “I don’t suppose you’re gonna like, lay an egg now or something, are you?”
“Huh?” She turned around to face him. “Where in Equestria did that come from?”
“I dunno,” he replied with a shrug. “I mean, does anypony know if its possible or not? It’s kinda weird to think about, isn’t it?”
Starlight toyed with the thought for a moment before realizing it wasn’t something she wanted to play with. “I don’t really think it can happen, Spike.” She made a mental note to casually and non-suspiciously ask Twilight about it later. “Anyway, let’s just get some rest before we start an entirely different conversation, okay?”
The dragon smiled and raced up to walk next to her. “Yeah, I’m on board with that.”
They made their way through the castle and up the stairs to where their bedrooms were. Before parting ways at the top of the staircase, they took one final moment to look at each other.
“I’ll see you at dinner tonight, Spike?” Starlight asked.
“Definitely,” he replied. “And I promise not to ignore you the entire time like this morning.”
“I promise, too.”
And with that, they ventured down the opposite sides of the hallway toward their rooms where sleep was finally awaiting them. And hopefully, it’d come a lot easier this time around.