"Hold on! So you got punched for coming onto him?"
"Yes! He called me a whorse, then told me to be gone! Nopony ever turns me away when I turn on the charm. NOPONY! I just do not under- ...Oh no. Pinkie, I need you to be honest. Am I, dare I say it... ugly?"
"NO, Rarity! Don't start thinking like that. Other than the nose plugs, you are a beautiful mare. Really beautiful! If you ask me, he missed out on not only a great time, but a great friend."
"...Thank you, Pinkie. I needed that. On the other hoof, it is quite a shame. He was so handsome! He seemed like he would know how to handle me like a lady, if you catch my drift."
"Ooooh! Who was it? Dr. Whooves? Thunderlane? Bulk Biceps?! CRANKY DOODLE DONKEY???!!!"
"Pinkie. Just... No."
"Keep your options open, Rarity. Fun comes in all shapes and sizes!"
"Ahem. Anyways...Actually, I don't think I have ever seen him around Ponyville. He might be fairly new here."
"A NEW PONY?! *GAAAASP* I know just what to do."
***
Pinkie needed to find the stallion. He needed a party, and PINKIE SHALL PROVIDE!
"What did he look like? I'm pretty sure Rarity left that out. Eh, questions for later. I know exactly how to find him! He can't hide forever!" After pulling out a picture album of every known pony in Equestria, she started going through. Pictures flipped fast and blurred together, but Pinkie's eyes and brain could somehow keep up. (Hint: White powder that gives a super vitality overdose.)
Newspaper clipping of Celestia and Luna. Mayor Mare with her natural hair color. Portrait view of Twilight. Rarity posed on her couch. Rainbow Dash with a wingboner. Applejack's behind. Fluttershy reading '50 Shades Darker'. Pinkie covered in rainbow-colored frosting.
Pinkie stopped on that last picture for a brief second. Good times. Interesting times. Pinkie.Search(resume).
Going through ALL of the pictures, she could not find somepony she did not know. Wait. She wasted time with actual, tangible pictures when something better exists? Silly Pinkie! A ritual involving hoods and a sacrifice of Angel Bunny later, and she will get ULTIMATE POWER TO RULE THE GALAXY!
A Macbook Air appeared out of nowhere with Google Chrome opened to the home page, somehow staying at full battery with no power source or cable. As it floated down from the portal, Pinkie wondered, 'Why does this have an apple as the logo? I prefer the one with the squares or that penguin, but this will work!'
"Just gotta search good ol' Google!" Hooves clopped on the keyboard, and the words 'ponies in Ponyville I don't know' appeared. The search didn't load; instead, a 404 error showed up with a microphone prompt. 'Please verify your identity.' First, a heavy sigh. Then, "Celestia DAMN IT! Century Link sucks Cox!" After that, the search happened. Pinkie clicked on the first link, leading to pinkiesdatabase.haha. Yes, Pinkie's smiling face was the favicon.
"Minuette, A.K.A. Colgate... Trixie insert fandom last name... Bon Bon... Wait, shouldn't that be Sweetie Drops? Eh, depends on what's canon. Lyra... Starlight...Lemon Drops." The ponies on the page matched all of the ones in the album to a T. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!" This means only one thing that can't end well.
"A mystery?! Oh, it's been a good while since this has happened!" While she spoke, a manic grin spread ear to ear. 'It's time to become in touch with the ground and lost in the crowd. And I'm hungry- Wait, wrong script.' "Pinkie Bot, roll out!" Still the wrong script.
She didn't move. Instead...
***
"That scene transition was convenient enough. Thank you, author!"
Sure thing, Pinkie.
"He lives here? Hm. Well, PARTY TIME!!!" *BOOM BOMM MOBB!*
After a few seconds of waiting, Pinkie got ready to pummel the door with her head and muzzle again. She reared her head back, unaware the door was open and the stallion was right THERE!
*KNOCK!*
"OW!"
Pinkie could do nothing but rub her head for a few seconds. It felt like hitting her head on wood. Wait. She looked up, and felt immense embarrassment. She hit the door frame, not even close to the door. After a brief concussion, she asked sadly, "Author, why are you so cruel?"
Pinkie, I'm making this up as I go. Don't worry; you're good for now.
She looked up to the sky. "Thanks- wait, FOR NOW?!" Her eyes widened. "Let me have SOME dignity!"
"Um... are you okay? Done talking to yourself?" Oh right, the stallion she originally came for. Her eyes traveled to the pony, widened even more, and she came for something else entirely. But according to some law, where something came, something left: her consciousness.
"Hey!"
***
*GAAAAAAAAAAASP!*
Pinkie woke with a shock. The first thought that entered her mind and she spoke? "What have I done to you, author?!"
You haven't done anything. But I'm going to let this become awkward. Good luck. Nice knowing you.
"This author figure must be interesting, since you keep talking to him."
"WHAAAAA...-?!" Pinkie's head snapped, breath trailed off, and jaw opened when she saw the stallion. The only thing she could only think of was mere perfection, with a dash of sugar for that sweet ass!
After some time of obvious ogling, the hunk of a stallion put a hoof under her jaw. "I know mares love how I look, but please keep your mouth closed." He did just what was suggested. Bringing his hoof back to stand on, he inquired, "So despite banging on my door in a really weird way and passing out, what do you want?"
Pinkie was too caught up fantasizing about the stallion to remember why she came here in the first place. Or how she wound up in his house.
"No, I remember about the first part-"
SHE FORGOT WHY SHE WAS THERE!
The stallion nickered. "If you arrived just to be crazy and waste my time, then there's the door. So if there is something you want, say it."
"NO! I want to throw you a 'Welcome-to-Ponyville' party, but I don't know why I am acting soooo out of character! I hate the author!"
Ouch. Well, now the feeling is mutual, Pinks.
Mr. Perfect only got more confused. "I don't understand half of what you are saying, but I don't want a party. Besides, I've been in Ponyville for a while, so it really wouldn't be a 'welcome' party as much as a regular party."
"You- Wait. But a party is really fun, and being with friends is AMAZING!"
"I have friends, but I do not like the whole party atmosphere. Just being with friends in a calm space, hanging out, is what I like."
Pinkie just could not understand why he did not want a big party. However, she can adapt. "Well, if that's the case, we can hang out, just you and I, and THAT would be a party!"
Mr. Amazing had the gears turning in his head. "Hm. I mean, that could work. I would like that." A small smile began to form, quickly replaced by a neutral expression. "But there's one issue."
Pinkie's head cocked like a dog's, waiting for the problem to be announced.
"We're not friends. Unless you want to change that now and hang out."
*GAAAAAAAAAASP!* "A NEW FRIEND! I'm so excited!" Out of nowhere, as per Pinkie, a party cannon came out and blew its multi-colored load everywhere. "OOOOOOOHH! I'm really excited right now!" Mr. Great put a hoof on Pinkie's mouth to calm her down. "Breathe. Calm down." He removed his hoof, and Pinkie was, in fact, not cocaine-induced. After a breath, she started again. "Well, since it's going to be your party, how do YOU want to have it?"
"Let's start with names. I haven't even learned yours yet."
Rather than simply say 'Pinkie Pie', she decided to launch into song. "My name is Pinkie Pie! And I am here to say! I'm gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your day-"
Mr. Tasteful again put a hoof in it to silence her. "Pinkie Pie, then? You could have just said that instead of a song."
Pinkie let out a loud sigh. "Damn you, author!!!"
Quiet, Pinkie.
The stallion was looking a bit scared. He might not want to be friends! No. No! There must be a way to salvage this! "Don't be scared! We can still talk! I'm not crazy! What's your favorite cake? Favorite pie?"
"Vanilla and blueberry."
"Mine too! Actually, my favorite pie is cream-flavored-"
Mr. Wonderful once again put a hoof to her mouth and shut her down. "I just don't want a party right now. You seem really nice and cool, but you also seem a bit too much for my tastes. It's a bad deal, and for that reason, I'm out. Maybe a party at a later time, but not now." It would have been better if he kept his hoof there, considering what happened next.
"But... But... BUT..." Pinkie.exe ran into an error and just could not respond. Her eyes kept shooting around, trying to make sense of the world around her. No parties?! Parties are part of a healthy day and keep Redheart away! But she focused on something peculiar. "BUT! BUTT! BUTT!!!" A hoof found itself going from Pinkie's body to Mr. Perfect's rear. "BUUUUUUT!!! BOOTY!" She looked up to the sky. "WHY, AUTHOR?!"
In the background, there was a *BOOM-BOOM* sound, signifying a soon-to-be court case. A light in front of her illuminated brighter than Celestia's sun. Her eyes snapped to the bright mass, then her ears perked up.
"BEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"GOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!"
"WHOOOOOOOOOOORSE!!!"
Due to the light, Pinkie could only go by feel and Pinkie sense- Hold on.
Pinkie.sense.active(false);
'Pinkie sense deactivated.'
"What- OOOOWWW!"
Cool. So, due to the light, Pinkie could only go by feel. And broken muzzles. Also, distance. Once everything settled down, Pinkie's body laid outside of the house, consciousness outside of her body. There was a hole in the door. The stallion sighed from inside, obviously irritated.. "I need to fix that." His eyes laid on Pinkie. "Cocaine-fueled junkie." Now is a good time for monologue.
"Well, Pinkie, you can have 'parties' with your other thots and whorses, but I will not partake. Begone, thot."