—(Courier)—
I look around the current train car we are on. Heading to Blueblood village, the site of the Speaker of Nobles. Me, Raven, and Chem all went here. I look around to my fellows, “So, why did we decide the three jokers should all go on the same mission?”
Chem shrugs, “Through the power of bullshittery, we will definitely succeed.”
Raven nods with him, “Yeah, we may joke, but we will take them out.”
I think a bit more, “Still, won’t we be not as effective this way?”
Chem looks me in the eye, “Your makeing sense... shut up. We don’t like things that make sense here.”
Raven joins him, “Yeah. Either way, we should do fine. I have a plan, and it should work brilliantly.”
I glance his direction, “You have a plan that doesn’t involve just exploding the entire house? Shameful.”
He laughs, “Oh no, I have explosions planed! I just don’t want to kill the innocent workers. And... it will be really funny.”
Chem nods, “Well, tell us what to do.”
“Okay, it starts off with me getting hired as a worker.”
I interject, “Why would he hire a child?”
“A child unicorn would be more useful than an adult earth pony. Assuming he’s racist. Wich, as a noble, I think he is.” He points at Chem, “I mean, Chem is Irish, he can give many examples of that assumption being right!”
I look towards Chem, and he shrugs, “He’s not wrong. I find all of the Brit’s that try and attack us in the past to be horrid racists.”
I look closer, “Are you sure your not racist yourself?”
“I’m Irish.”
“Does that awnser the question?”
Raven interjects, “He’s Irish, that’s the awnser.”
“But what does that mean?”
Chem shrugs again, “It means yes and no, depending on the situation.”
I hit myself, “Okay, we’re off topic now. Raven, you were saying?”
Raven continues, “Right, so it beigins with me being hired...”
—(Raven)—
I walk into the huge mansion, following the pony who hired me. Getting hired was easy, just say I was a homeless child who needed money, and boom, done. I was hired as a chef, and knowing my talent for cooking... I hope he doesn’t die from my cooking alone. I still remember the Flying Spaghetti Monster... I wonder what happend to him?
Anyways, I’m taken into the kitchen, “Okay, Raven, was it?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The hirer points around the kitchen, “You have all of the equipment in this room. Make what you think you make best, and we will see if Lord Blueblood likes it enough to hire you full time.”
I smile and nod, “I will make my specialty... spaghetti.”
She tilts her head, “Never heard of it. Why not some ravioli, I know he likes that.”
“I don’t want no ravioli ni****.”
She looks around confused, “Why did I just hear a bleep sound?”
I take out a list, and hand her it, “Can’t say that on the site, as is specified on Bluebloods rules section 4.”
She shakes her head, “Okay then... just make the thing now.”
She walks out, and I turn to the equipment. I smile devilishly, “Let’s make this kitchen like Papa’s Spaghettria.”
———
*Bang!*
“Nope, guns don’t belong in the sauce!”
”Meow!”
“Not Japan, I don’t serve cat!”
”My leg!”
“Oh stop complaining, you’ve already died once!”
”My dick fell off!”
“Oh, come on! Your a fu****** skeleton!”
”Number 15, Burger King-“
“Get the f*** out of that lettuce!”
”Sims can no longer "Try for Baby" with the G R I M R E A PE R?!”
“Stop reading those patch notes and help me!”
———
I kick open the door, and dissolve all skeletons away. I carry out a pretty good looking pot of spaghetti, and place it on a huge table, “Got a spicy meatball right here.”
Blueblood, not the same I know, but looks similar. Its his father sitting in front of me, and he looks like a cookie cutter image of him. He looks at the food in front of him, “What is this?”
I smile, “It’s some o’ Moms Spaghetti. Made by a real Mama Mia, and a Papa Pia right here.”
“What’s ‘Moms Spaghetti’?”
“Ask MnM, hes the one who came up with it.”
He shrugs, and takes a bite, “Ey, that’s pretty good.” He then pokes something solid, “Why is there a bone in here?”
“Somebody touchaed your spaghet?”
He takes it out, and eats the rest. When he’s done, he looks to me, “That was quite good, I do believe I will hire you full time. Now, about payment.”
I give him a card, “For tonight, all I ask for you to do is read this.”
He picks it up, “How do I get free Minecraft and Robux? What does that mean?”
“Wait, shit! Did you put on Ingognito mode?!”
”FBI! OPEN UP!”
*BANG!*
Exactly as planned.
Courier, Chem, and a few skeletons are to break in just like this.
*BOOM!*
The door bursts open from the explosion. Courier comes in, grabs a vase, and smashes it against the wall, “FBI!”
Chem moves in with the others, all girding guns randomly in the air, “FBI!!!”
Chem moves up to me, and aims his revolver at Blueblood.
*BANG!*
With Blueblood dead, he grabs a pepperspray from... somewhere, and uses it on the maid. Of course the spray isn’t real, it’s just water.
He and the others all grab me and run me out of there. We run past a bunch of broken door panals, and roofs busted in.
We run outside, and they throw me on a ladder connected too...
”SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE A HELICOPTER!?”
“DONT QUESTION IT!”
They hop on, and we fly off with me still looking down from the ladder on the absolutely destroyed mansion.