//------------------------------// // 10 - A Genie and a Meteor // Story: War Games // by Darkstarling //------------------------------// “Look at all this Tempest, it’s wonderful!” Twilight was practically dancing in the rain of classified documents that were pouring into the map room in a stream of dragonfire. It was so exciting, hours of reports to go through and sort, the kind of details she never got to handle. She beamed at Tempest, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room, and received a satisfied smile in return. They had just finished their preparation. Or rather Tempest had put her hoof down at a fourth review of the notes and Twilight had been contemplating the best way to discreetly dismiss the chaperone, a resigned looking Crystal Pony named Boring Hours. “It certainly looks promising. I’m impressed, I was a bit worried when you gave Pinkie her assignment without even the beginnings of a plan.” Twilight shrugged. “She’s Pinkie Pie. I know it seems odd, but she really is a force of nature when she gets going on something. And since I don’t know how she does it, all I can do is point her in the right direction.” “People kept telling me that, and even with everything I’ve seen her do I still have trouble believing it. I guess it’s impossible to argue with the results though. Do you find it unnerving? That she’s inexplicable?” “Well I actually can explain some of it.” After seven years of research and an enormous number of headaches, which she did not want to admit aloud. Non-unicorn magic was a shockingly obscure field, and she’d had to dig out actual mystical texts. She much preferred the rationality of a good spellbook. “She’s really developed her Grip to an unusual degree for a start, which is how she can literally walk up the walls. And apparently the ‘Pinkie Sense’ runs in her family. Divination is most common in Earth Ponies anyway, so it makes sense. It’s a weird manifestation of it, but it’s not quite unheard of.” The torrent of scrolls was petering out, and Twilight shook her head to dislodge one that had landed squarely on her horn. “But for the rest, all I can tell you is that it’s some kind of magic and that Discord swears blue it’s not Chaos.” “Literally I assume?” Twilight snorted. “How’d you guess? All Pinkie will do is joke about how she can ‘only do it if it’s funny’, so I’ve just had to accept that some things are real even if we don’t understand them yet. You get used to it.” At that moment sparkling pink cloud swirled into the room with a delighted “WHEEEEE!” Tempest jumped up and her horn began to spark while Twilight nearly toppled over in shock. It circled the room, rushing around Boring Hours as he galloped wild eyed for the door, and began to coalesce into a familiar form. “...PINKIE PIE?!?” Twilight goggled. Pinkie’s head and front legs were solid, but floating in mid air, while her back end appeared reluctant and trailed off into a tail of that strange pink smoke. She was apparently wrestling to solidify, struggling with something invisible around her hips like she was trying to get off a hoop skirt. “Hi TwiTwi! Hi Fizzie!” Pinkie gave them a strained smile as she continued her efforts, apparently either not noticing or not caring that she had drifted upside down. “Oof! Wow, the flight is great but the landing? Not so much. Maybe this will...aw fiddlesticks.” Tempest and Twilight shared a Class 3 Look. Tempest raised an eyebrow. “Okay, no you don’t” Twilight admitted. “Pinkie, what happened? Are you okay?” “Well I would be except that SOME meanie-pants shot me with a rubber band. Pow, right in the snoot. So of COURSE something like this would happen.” There was a moment of silence. Twilight’s mouth hung open. It was finally broken by Tempest. “...Your secret weakness is rubber bands. You’re indestructible, you’ve got power over space time and gravity, and your weakness is rubber bands.” “Well, one of them. At least it wasn’t a pie.” “Right. Pies. Why not.” Tempest threw her hooves up in exasperation. “I’m just a general. I try to be sensible, I try to be professional, I try to make plans. And I live in a world where a single unstoppable mare can steal all the government’s files at any time and then be turned into a bucking genie because some foal shot her with a rubber band. Why the buck not.” Twilight trotted over to comfort her marefriend. She still thrilled every time she thought that, and judging by the last few hours that wasn’t changing anytime soon. She put a wing around her. “It’s okay Tempest. Just do what I do, accept that the world really is this stupid sometimes. Which means that really we sane ones are just as crazy as everypony else, so we belong after all.” Tempest gave an amused snort, which was definitely an improvement, but her response was cut off when Pinkie whooshed over to give Twilight a hug. “Twilight, you finally learned! I’m so proud of you!” “Whoa, learned what Pinkie?” Twilight gently pushed Pinkie back, which was much easier in her current form: Pinkie was surprisingly strong under her slightly pudgy build. She’d have to tell Pinkie that hugging Tempest was a personal space time, she noted to herself, and added it to a to-do list. “That the world is ridiculous! I’ve been trying to show you that for years! If you take it too super serious all the time you’ll go all grey faced and blah.” She made a sagging face with her tongue sticking out before returning to her chipper smile. “We need to celebrate! Ooh, first, wait, something you said earlier, Fizzie. Something very important.” “That your secret weakness is rubber bands?” “No, that I’m a genie! You were right. Woo!” Pinkie zoomed in a loop about the heart chamber, and somehow had acquired a saddle-arabian headscarf by the time she returned to them. “So! Cool! Oooh I know, make a wish! Make a wish!” “I wish for two wishes!” Said Twilight quickly. She’d thought about this for a long time, and while the classic ‘infinite wishes’ was probably stretching it with an extra wish she could experiment to find the maximum number of additional free wishes possible. “Silly Twily, I never said I was giving you a limit! Friendly neighborhood genie at your service for reasonable wish-granting.” “Oh, that does make sense.” Twilight’s face fell. Sure, having more wishes was nice, but she had wanted to experiment! “Don’t worry Twilight, you can tempt the wrath of powerful, fickle, immortal beings for science another time” said Tempest. Twilight perked up. “You really think so?” “I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable.” Twilight frowned. Judging by her life these past few years, she couldn’t tell whether Tempest was teasing her or not. That should probably worry her. “Meanwhile Pinkie, how about something small to start. I’ll wish for a cake, thank you.” “Okie doki loki, your wish is my command!” Pinkie zoomed from the room. Tempest turned to Twilight. “So, do we think she’s actually got new magic powers or is this just her being herself?” Twilight shrugged. There was another whoosh, and Pinkie was back with a chocolate cake. One covered with purple candies and dark chocolates in the shape of hearts. “Tada! I had this all ready for when you two finally got together, I hope you enjoy it!” Tempest sighed. “Of course you knew. How?” “Well when I got back I saw the new banners, but I hadn’t been getting any buzzing for friends getting seriously smoochy, so I knew I wasn’t too late.” “I meant how did you...no, you know what? Never mind.” “That’s the spirit! Just follow Twilycorn’s example, you old spark head!” “...You know there’s noone else alive who could get away with calling me that without a blast to the face? And that I only let you do it because it wouldn’t make a difference?” “Yep!” Meanwhile another thought had just caused hairs to spring from Twilight’s mane. “Wait Pinkie, your Pinkie Sense for friends being...um...intimate is a buzzing? Like a vibration sort of buzzing?” “Yep!” “So then...um…” Twilight was turning beet red. “Yes?” Pinkie smiled guilelessly at her. “Well what I mean to say is, where does it...no, you know what? I’m not asking that either.” There were some things ponies were just not meant to know. “OH! You’re asking if it’s one of the SPECIAL kind of Pinkie Senses.” Damn it. “Well…” “IWISHYOUWOULDN’TTELLMEABOUTYOURSEXYPINKIESENSES!” Twilight got out in a rush. “Aw. Okay fine, Princess Partypooper. All I’m saying is, if you and Tempest ever need some advice you come talk to Auntie Pinkie.” “We’re both older than you” said Tempest, rolling her eyes. “I know! Bogged in the prudish traditions of the older generation. It’s so sad!” More of Twilight’s mane sproinged free, and Tempest’s eye began twitching. “Heeeey, wait a minute…” Pinkie looked down intently at the vapor trail and then, in a feat of flexibility Twilight really didn’t want to think too hard about in context, stuck her head between where her back legs would be. “Oh dammit! When we get Spike back I am going to have WORDS with him.” A number of scenarios she really didn’t want to think about flashed through her mind, before Twilight settled on the least disturbing as a beacon of sanity. It wasn’t a high bar, which was fortunate. “Wait, Pinkie, when you arrived here...are you trying to tell me you mailed yourself by dragonfire?” “Well yeah. How else would I have done it?” Twilight and Tempest performed synchronized facehoofs. Then Tempest glared. “Wait, so then all that about rubber bands and pies was you messing with us?” “No! That head beaurocrat guy you told me about, Dotted Line? He messed up my exit. He turned the joke around on me, and now my mojo is all messed up.” Pinkie folded her legs and pouted at that. “I think it’ll be a bit before I can be too Pinkie for you for a bit, Twilight. I’m sorry. We’ll have to work around the bits where you needed that sort of thing unless I can get it back.” Tempest nodded and made a note. Meanwhile gears were turning in Twilight’s head. “Turning the joke around on you…” Twilight did a quick magical scan of Pinkie, and blinked to see her suspicions confirmed. For anything related to Pinkie that was a first. There was the familiar magic of sending fire, and then Pinkie’s own strange variety, but all entangled and Pinkie’s magic actually refusing to let the remaining enchantment die. It reminded her of a case she’d seen of auto-magical immune disorder, where an unfortunate unicorn’s innate spell resistance had turned against her own cutie mark. “So wait. All the times when you told me you couldn’t do something unless it was funny and I thought you were joking it was actually just true? All this strange magic you do is literally from humor?” “Yes! Twilight I’ve been trying to tell you…” Twilight’s head was spinning. She finally had a serious insight into the Pinkie Conundrum and it made no sense at all. Magic just didn’t work that way. Magic manipulated forces and energies and rules, not fundamental concepts. The only exceptions she knew were the artifacts of the founders and the Elements of Harmony. And they were unique miracles, manifestations of the divine. Weren’t they? She almost toppled over as she considered new possibilities, that even as Element of Magic her fundamental paradigm might be wrong. Twilight might have stood there all night, her mind completely blown, if the alarm she had set for just such a circumstance hadn’t gone off. That still didn’t jolt her out of it, but Tempest shaking her did. “Bwuh?” She said intelligently. “Princess, I understand you may have just had a cosmic revelation of some kind. But the cosmos will still be there in a few hours, and we have an agenda.” Twilight shook herself to clear the daze. “Ugh. You’re right of course.” She had to pull herself together. “But I don't care if Sunburst is done fixing whatever mess Discord caused in the Library, I'm going to dig into this with him later. Alright, yes, I need to do this. Pinkie, make sure Cadence is on the way.” “Say the magic worrrrrrd!” Said Pinkie, seemingly completely oblivious to the bombsell she’d just dropped. “I wish you would go get Cadence for us” said Tempest. “Right!” And Pinkie vanished with a whoosh. In the distance they could hear Pinkie calling her name. “And peace at last” said Tempest. “Explicable or not, that mare is the most exhausting person I have been around in my life.” “Well, it’s been an exhausting day either way” said Twilight. “Revelations, romance…” at that she sidled up to kiss Tempest, who relaxed into it with a sigh. “And with this battle it’s going to get worse. I’m lucky I’ve got something to look forward to at the end of the day.” “Heh. Softie, like I said. Alright Twilight, I’m set. So whenever Cadence gets here we’ll get this show on the road.” Celestia and Luna appeared side by side in the wreckage of downtown Canterlot, armoured and weapons ready. Luna had her six swords, while Celestia had a Halberd she would never let Luna know she had named Sunbeam. She surveyed the scene, Spike looming by the royal library. In this state he probably considers the books treasure, she thought. Fortunately his magic wouldn’t agree. Innate draconic greed magic had a hard time getting a grip on more abstract forms of wealth. “Just like old times, is it not?” Said Luna, “Indeed. At least he’s grounded. The usual way then?” “I am hardly one to change a winning strategy. But beware of tricks. Spike is quite intelligent, and will retain some cunning even in this bestial state.” “I do remember when he defeated the Wonderbolts, Luna. Now lets…” She was cut off by a crack of lighting, and a blinding pink light from the sky. More worryingly, she also felt the tingle of a teleport ward sweeping the area. That couldn’t be good. The light resolved into Twilight and Cadence, posed dramatically in the sky. “Oh Harmony” muttered Luna. “Are they going to…” “They are.” Celestia quirked a smile even as she began probing the ward for weaknesses. She felt Luna beside her doing the same. “Twilight always was a fast study.” “Luna, Celestia, behold the future!” Cadence and Twilight’s voices rang out in synch. Impressive, Celestia thought, they even have the voice. They don’t quite have the timbre or resonance down yet, but that will come with time. “On this day, Equestria’s heart lays rightful claim to the land” Cadence pronounced. “A new age of Love and Friendship is come, from horizon to horizon and beyond the stars” added Twilight. “Bow and be lifted in glory, or fight and fall into the mists of history.” “Surrender the Sun and Moon to their true rulers, the Queens of Dusk and Dawn!” Oh, they had rehearsed! Celestia struggled to retain an appropriately grim expression, but she wanted to prance with glee like a filly. “How dare you challenge us?" She shouted back. She was enjoying this. "We are Celestia Sol Invictus and Luna Nox Aeterna! You stand before the Unconquered Sun and the Eternal Night, and we will never surrender!” She really should have prepared material in advance, but she could improvise. “Especially never to ungrateful whelps like you. Oh woe, it seems I am doomed to ever be betrayed! It is the curse of…” She was cut off when Luna fired a coruscating blast at Twilight and Cadence, catching them off guard and forcing them to dive out of the way. “Luna, I wasn’t finished!” “Sister, in your amateur theatrics you have forgotten the dragon! Besides which, your delivery was trite.” Celestia gasped in offense, but Luna ignored her. “Go, your strength will best be used in the city’s defense.” Luna’s power rose, shrouding her in a maze of shadow, and her swords gleamed like teeth. “I will deal with these traitors. Join me when you are able.” A roar and the thundering crash of a research building going down put an end to further discussion. Rainbow sparks flew to the sky. Celestia nodded her acknowledgement and galloped towards Spike, Sunbeam beside her. It had been a long time since she had fought a dragon, but it was hardly the kind of thing you forgot. First, you had to get their attention. A bolt of her sunfire plowed into Spike’s chest, knocking him off balance. It didn’t hurt him, of course, but that was hardly the point. She prepared herself for the counterattack as his enormous reptilian eyes focused on her. You had to get them angry, tunnel vision focused on you, not thinking. And to help with that...a brief flare, and the Want It Need It spell took hold on her. His resistance now would be formidable but at least some was sure to get through, and his nature would work against him here. “Pretty Pony” Spike spoke for the first time since the rampage began. Celestia felt his voice vibrating in her chest, and she unfurled her wings. The ground shook as he descended to all fours, stalking towards her around the library like an enormous cat. “Pretty mane.” Good, it was working. She prepared for the inevitable pounce, to dart forward through his grasping limbs and drive Sunbeam into a gap between his belly scales. “MIIINNE!!!” Windows cracked from the noise, Celestia’s ear’s swept back, she raised her halberd for the final blow. And then he whipped his head around, directing a scorching wave of flame into the library. Green fire blasted out of every door and window in the building as his breath consumed the literature of ages. Celestia barely had time for a moment of confusion before thousands of tons of books came tumbling at her head. Twilight recovered from her evasive dive, and from the corner of her eye saw Cadence do the same. Attacking during a monolog...who did that? Luna apparently, who stood her ground as Celestia galloped to confront Spike. Perfect. She couldn't see them, but Tempest Rainbow and Applejack would be ready by now. "You really should surrender, Luna. You're outnumbered." At that signal a scintillating blast of lightning tore from the nearby rooftops, driving Luna to the ground. An expertly thrown net fell, snaring her wings, and Rainbow dove from the sky like a comet. The ground level Rainboom nearly knocked Twilight from the air, even braced for it and bolstered by Starlight's flight spell, but she fought through the chaos to add her own energy lance to the attack. At the same time Cadence snapped up a one-way containment sphere, in case Luna could somehow still evade. But as it turned out it was unneeded. Twilight's blast cut clean through, and struck home with a clap of thunder. She touched down, and shook her head to clear the spots from her eyes. Her ears were ringing, and she had put a bit more into that last attack than was probably wise. But it was done. Luna's unconscious form sprawled before her, snared and contained. "Good work girls, we've got her. Now quick, lets get her out of here before Celestia realizes what happened." But at that moment laughter rang out. Luna's laughter, wild and scornful. It echoed across the burning streets, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. They all looked around wildly for the source, to no avail. "You fools" a voice said, whispering from just behind her. But no matter how she twisted there was nothing. "You stand in the presence of the Princess of the Night. This is my hour. And I am never outnumbered." Twilight gasped as three, four, five Lunas emerged from the shadows, and the shadows followed after. She backed up as they circled her, horn flared desperately. "Why do you cower so Twilight? You sought to seize the moon, proclaimed yourself rightful ruler of the night. Tell me truly, after all this. Are you afraid of the dark?" They raised their swords and the darkness rushed forward, and with it came an utter appalling silence. Twilight screamed, and heard no noise but the rushing of blood in her ears.