//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: And the Day's Just Getting Started. // Story: The Thief and the Knight // by Dracon_Pyrothayan //------------------------------// ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everypony knows that the Royal Guard has a few secrets they keep from the general populous, but none, not even how they kept even their coats uniform, were held so jealously as this. In fact, I’ve got them more terrified of a leak on this matter than the possibility of the paparazzi at Equestria Daily uncovering the Princesses’ travel itineraries. Careers could be unmade if anypony brought to light the fact that their Esteemed Captain, Siren Blues, was absolutely adorable in my sleep. It is also the reason that image-recording gems are forbidden in the barracks, though I trumped up some reason about counter-espionage to justify the policy. Tonight’s performance in the barracks was not so different. My cloud blanket had escaped once again, settling into the Summerlands proud that it had managed to interrupt Her Majesty Celestia’s breakfast, causing a pillow fight between the ancient sisters that gave her staff shell-shock. Judging from the distance I had bucked it, and the melody I was apparently humming in her sleep, I must have been dreaming that I had gone undercover as a River-dancer. I have no further comment on the matter. Celestia rose the sun swiftly this morning, as the royal feud had escalated to the point of water-balloons, (though Luna had yet to discover this fact), ensuring that my phantom nemesis would escape once again. A sigh escaped my lips as I tumbled out of bed, reviewing my most recent case-file as I brushed my mane. On Friday, the 23rd of [coffee stain], one Earth Pony Stallion named Hoity Toity discovered that the Canterlot branch of his clothing store “Cheval Raiments” was missing a set of Jewelry commissioned for Princess Luna’s re-coronation. The door had been locked when he arrived at 5:34, and he had locked it upon receiving the jewels the previous night (Courier Slip stamped at 21:17). Salesponies’ and on-sight tailors’ shifts ended at 17:00, and Toity was alone for intervening hours. Truth spell confirms was outside job. On Sunday, the 15th of the next month, one Earth Pony Mare named Photo Finish discovered that the five, 28-hand Neoponic magical urns that she had purchased at auction for use as props with “ze next flootershai”, had been stolen. [Urns have no intrinsic magical ability: are merely photogenic.] Though Ms. Finish sleeps in her studio, with her entourage of 37 ponies, Unicorns confirm nopony witnessed the theft of the massive jars. On Monday, the 30th of the same, the Prarisian embassy reported that political missives and passport making equipment, normally kept in a locked vault underground, had disappeared overnight. The Ambassador’s Translator, one Unicorn Mare called Fleur de Lis [originally Flower Lily], recalls a feeling of paranoia when she opened it the previous morning, as though somepony were watching her. The embassy had yet to open its doors. Curiously, Ms. Lily’s mislain diamond broach was discovered in the room, untouched. Due to frequency and improbability of incident, we are assuming that these thefts are connected, most likely being performed by a solitary, extremely skilled, pony. Officers are advised that, if they manage to apprehend the perp, they are not to take their eyes off the individual. Mid-brush, my morning reverie was shattered, as one of the newer additions to the force barreled in through the window. “Ma’am? Sorry to intrude, but there’s been a development!” Young Signal Flare had no idea how close she came to death by interrupting brushie-time without an offering of caffeine in hoof. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The absolute worst thing about this burglary case is the witnesses. Being locked in a room with a charcoal grey Unicorn stallion whose eyes and vocal chords seemed to have been surgically implanted in his nostrils should net me hazard pay. There is simply not enough coffee in the world to put up with this ‘Jet Set’ gelding, though Luna knows I drank all that I could. “Well, as I was saying Ms. Siren” (Sweet Celestia, he chews his vowels like cud.) “the Wife and I were attending another charity auction at South Bee’s, held by Fancy Pants himself you know.” (The 8th time he’s mentioned it. Am I supposed to know who this Fancy Pants character is?) “We bought this daarling chaise lounge, genuine dragon-scale you know, and my word, a set of antique spellbooks that would just look fabulous in our study, pointedly not on display so that everyone will notice them, you know…” (Nightmare, doesn’t this guy ever shut up?) “…and when our carriage, genuine apple dressage, with the roof enchanted to look like the night sky, after that maaaarvelous showing at that disastrous gala a few months back, got us back to our mansion, all of it was GONE can you believe it?” Now my attention was piqued. “It didn’t fall off the roof or anything, right, sir?” “Madam, I do not think you understand. Apple Dressage carriages have a magical storage compartment in the roof, opened through the seat somehow. Pie-Hooves technologies, top of the line, don’t you know. We were sitting on the only access point to the antiques the entire time, so we were Absolutely Positive it had to be this Ghost Burglar we read about in the papers. Ohh, Woe is me, in my time of misf…” I stopped listening to him at this point. I’d have the techies behind the mirror tell me if he whined anything interesting while I gathered my thoughts. This burglar has managed to progress from flawless breaking and entering to international incident to stealing items out of magical impossibilities, all in the span of a month and a half? Who is this pony? “Pardon, sir, sorry to interrupt your tirade, but I’m going to have to step out for a while. We’re going to draft a copy of your statement thus far, and we’ll need you to sign it for us. We will also need to investigate the scene of the crime, as well as impound your carriage as evidence.” Hah, he’s sputtering now. Classic. “Don’t worry, sir. It is a crime to tamper with evidence, and we have the magic to make sure that it will be returned to you in the state it is delivered to us. If we find anything, it could lead directly to the villain, and we would be able to return all stolen property to you after the trial. Assuming this guy hasn’t sawn up your chaise lounge and sold it for scraps or something.” A quick trot to the mare’s room later, and I called Flare out of Interrogation B. Kid showed talent, and I figured that forcing her to take Set’s even more insufferable wife’s statement was apt punishment for this morning. Two birds, and all that. Before I could ask her if she found anything, she glared at me, eye twitching. “I’m not sayin’ anything ‘til I’ve had a smoke”. Dumbfounded that somepony in Canterlot still had access to the Buffalo’s crop after that fiasco in Appleloosa, I followed her outside. Instead of pulling out a pipe, however, her mane simply caught on fire as a wordless scream of exasperation shook the heavens. “Dang, kid, I haven’t seen a blowout that bad since we had to keep that Unicorn of Celestia’s out of a crime-scene at the Library. Wound up having to arrest her for arson. “ “That Jeanette is the WORST mare I have EVER had the misfortune of meeting! ‘Ooo, I just couldn’t do my mane right this morning and it looks so horrid. Are you from the country? I’m surprised we let you birdbrains into Our city. We should go back to the Old ways, back when there was still Romance in the air, and ponies knew their places. Discord knew how to run a tight ship! Nopony would have stolen from us if HE were back in charge! Now how much do I have to pay you servant-types to find my things?’ GAH!” Signal collapsed, having forgotten in her rage to have inhaled while bellowing. Turns out, Red Pegasi can still turn blue from lack of oxygen. I gave a weak smile to the startled crowd of spectators gathering around our building. “Caffeine Withdrawal” were the only words that came to my head that would protect the identity of our witnesses. (Laws must be followed, even when they protect the annoying.) The crowd nodded, understanding the supposed plight and dispersed. “Feeling better?” Two nods and a wheeze from the cadet on the ground. “Good news is we’re done interviewing those two. Bad news is I’m going to have to cite you for disturbing the peace. Part of that citation is that you’re not allowed out of my sight for the rest of the day, missy. For future reference, Interrogation C is soundproof for exactly this reason. Also, if you’re going to interrupt my brushie time, do so with coffee, and I’ll be less likely to make you interview the idiots, though it’s still possible. You get anything useable out of her drivel?” A nod, a wheeze, and a trembling notepad rose from the pavement. “Good. I’m going to send some techs to find out what exactly this Pie-Hooves technology does, ‘cause there’s no way in Everfree that I’m gonna understand all the jargon those genius types are going to throw around. Meanwhile, you and me are going to go investigate the crime-scene. That is to say, the carriage, the auction house, and if nothing turns up there, then the entire roadway they took from point A to point B, which…” I hurriedly flipped through her notes, as I had skipped the question in my interview, and would rather not talk to Jet Set again this century. “… according to your notes Upper Crust had memorized as being 40 blocks away from each other. We’ll be doing that aaaall by hoof, by the way. Doesn’t that sound like fun?” A whimper, followed by a tiny, sarcastic, “joy”.