“DROP THE SAILS!” Punch heard his wife shout over the thunder and the wind. He was sitting on his and Scarlet’s bed inside the cabin of the S.S. Destiny while the lightning and rain continued to rage outside. Love Tap was also in the cabin, sitting on hers and Cinnamon Swirl’s bed while unsuccessfully attempting to read a book.
“Ugh!” Love cried, throwing the book down on the nightstand. “I can’t believe we got ourselves caught in a storm, and the weather was so calm ten minutes ago. It’s like the storm came out of nowhere.”
“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” the former jester assured the former queen. “I’m sure Scarlet and Cinnamon have everything under control.”
No sooner had the words left Punch’s mouth than a loud snapping sound was heard, followed by the sound of Scarlet screaming, “Oh, sweet Faust!”
Love Tap gave Punch a deadpan glare while he could only grin sheepishly. Outside, Cinnamon Swirl was calling the rest of the crew to get below deck and seal all the doors and windows.
A short while later, Cinnamon and Scarlet entered the cabin, dripping wet and wearing nervous smiles on their faces. Scarlet was also holding something in her hoof and hiding it from view.
“Okay, we’ve got bad news and even worse news,” Cinnamon began. “Which do you want to hear first?”
“Surprise us,” his wife replied in a tone far too calm to be sincere.
“Well, the bad news is that the storm has probably blown us horribly off course, and we’re lost,” Scarlet informed. “The even worse news is…” She trailed off as she brought her hoof in view revealing that she was holding the ship’s steering wheel. Neither Punch nor Love Tap were shipbuilders, but even they could tell that the wheel had rather violently snapped off the whole steering mechanism.
“You two mean to tell me that we’re stuck on a ship in the middle of a really bad storm with absolutely no way of steering,” Love Tap stated as she stared dumbfoundedly at the broken wheel.
“Pretty much,” her husband replied.
“Well, then,” Punch said rather nonchalantly as he wrapped his hooves around his bedpost. “Bring it on.”
“Are we still alive? PLEASE tell me that we’re still alive,” Love Tap cried when the whole world finally stopped moving. She had pressed herself flat against the floor of the cabin with her arms wrapped around her head while Cinnamon crouched over her protectively. Cinnamon lifted his head, eyes widening at the sight of the torn paper, broken glass, and twisted metal strewn around them. Punch was still clinging to the bedpost while Scarlet was just barely peeking her head out from under the desk she had been hiding under.
“Well, the cabin’s a total mess, but yes, I think we’re alive,” Cinnamon replied, picking himself off the floor. Then, he bent down to help up his still trembling wife.
Scarlet searched through the wreckage and sifted her husband’s wheelchair out of it. Surprisingly, other than a slightly bent axle, the chair had escaped the whole ordeal intact. After she wheeled the chair over to Punch, she pried him off the bedpost and sat him on the wheelchair.
“T-t-thank you, my dear,” he said, his eyes still staring unblinkingly straight in front of him and his hooves gripping the armrests.
“We’d better check to see if the rest of the crew is alright and see where exactly we landed,” Cinnamon said, carefully stepping around the debris towards the door. “Watch your step, Love.”
The royal couple and their friends emerged from the cabin onto the deck of the ship where the rest of the crew was beginning to gather.
“Captain,” one of the crew members addressed Scarlet, “it looks like everyone is present and accounted for, and we’ve dropped anchor, but we’re going to need to make repairs.”
Scarlet looked over the ship. The steering wheel was unsurprisingly missing, the top of the main mast had broken off, and the railing was full of large gaping holes. Thankfully, the sails were still in working order if only barely. All she had to do was fix the steering mechanism and keep the ship intact long enough for them to reach a good harbor.
“Alright, crew,” Scarlet commanded. “We just need to find ourselves some tree sap, and we should be able to hold this ship together long enough for us to reach civilization.”
“Uh, Scarlet,” Cinnamon stammered. He had just gotten a look of the place where they had crashed, and his eyes widened at the sight of it. “I think we should get back inside and pretend that we’re not around.”
“Why in Faust’s name would we—?” Scarlet trailed off when she turned towards where Cinnamon was looking. The ship had crashed on an island with a mountain in the middle surrounded by a dense jungle. However, it wasn’t the mountain or the jungle that caused her to stiffen in fear. No, what had frightened the two seasoned adventurers were two beings that emerged from the jungle and moved towards the ship.
The two beings looked like ponies, but their legs were shorter, and their muzzles were longer. They also had large, iris-less eyes and round bellies. One was completely pink while the other was completely purple. Other than the fact that they were rather creepy looking, the two creatures seemed harmless.
“Everypony, hide before they—,” Scarlet ordered before being cut off by a flash of light. Suddenly, the two odd ponies who came out of the jungle were standing in the middle of the ship.
“Too late,” groaned Cinnamon.
“Why, hello, weary travelers,” said the pink one in an eerie, cheery, high-pitched voice. “I’m Briar, and this is my sister Bramble.”
“Welcome to the Isle of the Lost,” said the purple one. Her voice was as similar to her sister’s but lighter and more musical. “Please, follow us. We have set out a feast just for—.”
The two ponies paused, having caught sight of Cinnamon, Scarlet, and their respective spouses.
“Well, if it isn’t Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume,” noted Bramble with an unsettlingly wide smile.
“And look, they brought friends,” added Briar.
“You know these ponies?” asked Love Tap giving her husband a confused look.
“Unfortunately,” muttered Scarlet.
“We must have a feast to welcome you two back on the isle,” said Bramble. “Follow us.”
Love Tap, Punch, and the crew were about follow them when Scarlet motioned for everyone to stop. Cinnamon stepped forward to talk to their hosts.
“That is very generous of you,” Cinnamon began, using his calmest and most persuasive tone of voice, “but I’m afraid that we’re going to have to decline. Besides, we have plenty of food on the ship, and we’re really not all that hungry.”
Briar whipped her head around 180 degrees. Her eyes glowed a blinding white, and her mane and tail stood on end and writhed like a mass of hairy snakes.
“YOU’RE GOING TO BE WELCOMED, AND YOU’RE GOING TO LIKE IT!” the pink pony bellowed, her voice becoming unnaturally deep and loud, causing her visitor’s manes to stand on end.
Briar turned her body so that it was facing the same direction as her head, and her features returned to normal. Her purple sister also turned to face the now utterly frightened travelers.
“Oh, sorry about that,” Bramble said insincerely, “but unless you want to see more of that from us, I’d suggest that you follow us.”
“They didn’t do that last time,” Cinnamon squeaked out, his eyes like dinner plates and his pupils like pinpricks.
Everypony on board looked to Scarlet, who reluctantly nodded for them to follow the two inhabitants.
“Alright, you two, where are we, and what’s going on?” Love Tap demanded as our four heroes and their crew followed the cute but scary ponies.
“Well, you ever heard of the Bermula Triangle?” Cinnamon replied.
“The place in the Coltlantic that’s famous for ships mysteriously disappearing?”
“That’s the place, and this island is the reason for it.”
“And the two creepy ponies?” Punch asked.
“They’re fey ponies,” Scarlet answered. “We ran into them the first time we crashed into this place. We nearly lost our whole crew because of them.”
“Fey ponies?” remarked Love Tap. “As in fairies but more sinister?”
“Mmm-hmm,” Scarlet nodded in reply.
“By the way,” Cinnamon continued, addressing his wife in particular. “Don’t eat or drink anything they give you unless you want to forget that we had grandkids together.”
“Wait,” Punch said, scrunching his face in thought. “How did the two of you figure out not to eat the food the first time you came here?”
Scarlet pointed to a portion of the jungle that they were passing. A troop of monkeys were approaching a shining, aquamarine lake with a flowering tree next to it. Half of the monkeys went for the lake while the other half went towards the tree. The monkeys that drank from the lake suddenly shrank and became chubbier with lighter fur, and the monkeys that ate the flowers from the tree became wrinkled and frail with grayer fur. The two groups then switched places and either drank the water or ate the flowers, returning all the monkeys to normal. The lake was also surrounded by bushes heavy with multicolored berries. Various birds were eating from the bushes, changing into a different color with each berry they ate.
“You can’t be too careful with potentially magical food,” Scarlet pointed out.
“We’re here,” Briar announced. The two fey ponies had led the group to a clearing in the middle of the jungle. In the middle of the clearing was a table piled high with the most beautiful assortment of fruit anypony has ever seen. There were pomegranates as red as rubies, pineapples as lustrous as gold, peaches like round, velvet sunsets, grapes like full moons and as dark as the night sky, and melons glistening with juice. A collective rumble emanated from the stomachs of everypony present, save for the feys. Even Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume licked their lips in barely restrained desire.
“Go ahead and eat as much as you want,” invited Bramble. “There’s plenty for all.”
The crew looked from Scarlet and Cinnamon to the fey ponies. Both Scarlet and Cinnamon shook their heads in warning, but when the crew turned to the feys, all four of their eyes began to glow menacingly. In fear of their lives, everyone except the captain, the former jester, and the two royals began to eat, causing Scarlet to facehoof.
“Well, don’t you four want some?” asked Briar, turning towards their four remaining guests with a murderous smile on her face.
“What do we do?” Love Tap whispered to Cinnamon Swirl. “How are we going to avoid eating the food without getting the murder ponies angry?”
“Last time, Scarlet and I just tossed the food while the two of them weren’t looking,” Cinnamon whispered back.
“Well, right now, they’re looking.”
“I can see that.”
“Mmmm,” Punch mumbled loudly, his cheeks puffed out. In front of him was a bunch of grapes, and one grape was clearly missing. He took another grape and seemingly put it in his mouth. “These grapes are really good. You guys should try some.”
“Punch!” Scarlet cried, her eyes wide with disbelief. Punch looked back at her.
“Trust me,” his eyes said.
“Look at what a good guest your friend is being,” said Bramble, “and just look at how tasty all these fruits are.”
As soon as the feys took their attention off him, Punch quickly ducked under the table, pulled out a bird whistle from his backpack, and blew on it a few times.
“What was that?” said Briar, perking up her ears and turning her head to try and locate the sound. Punch managed to scurry back into his wheelchair with Briar and Bramble none the wiser just as a flock of birds descended on the table, causing the feys to scream.
“Shoo! Shoo!” squealed Bramble waving her hooves.
“Fly away, you filthy animals!” screamed Briar.
While the fey ponies were preoccupied, Punch pulled out four large purple gumballs from his backpack and handed three of them to his companions. He then stripped the fruit off his bunch of grapes and three other bunches of grapes into his pack and arranged the bare stems in front of him, Scarlet, Cinnamon, and Love Tap. He had just enough time left to wink smugly at his wife and his friends before the feys finished shooing away the birds.
As soon as Briar and Bramble turned towards them, Punch popped his gumball into his mouth and began chewing. He covertly motioned for everypony else to do the same. Thankfully, they all understood what he wanted them to do and popped their own gumballs into their mouths.
“Honey, you were right. These grapes are amazing,” said Scarlet, trying not to look or sound too nervous.
“You, uh, sure know how to treat royalty,” agreed Love Tap, chewing her gumball.
“Mmm-hmm,” Cinnamon nodded.
The two feys looked from the four of them to the empty grape stems. Then, the looked under the table and on the floor behind our four heroes. Once they finished their inspection, they gave each other satisfied smirks before turning their attention back to the four.
“Well, I guess we’ll just leave you alone to finish eating then,” said Bramble.
“We’ll be back shortly,” finished Briar as the two of them walked backwards into the jungle, disappearing into the mist that had just begun to mysteriously roll in.
As soon as the four were sure that the fey ponies were gone, they collectively exhaled in relief.
“Punch, has anypony every told you that you’re brilliant?” Scarlet cheered before fervently planting a kiss on his cheek.
“Oh, you can say that about me more,” Punch stammered as he turned red.
“But,” Cinnamon paused, looking back at Punch in confusion, “we saw you eat a grape. They saw you eat a grape.”
“Or did I?” Punch smirked, reaching into his shirt and pulling two uneaten grapes from his shoulder.
“Well, what’s the plan now?” asked Love Tap, looking from misty trees to the rest of the crew, who were still eating the food.
“By the time those feys get back here, everypony who ate the food will be a mindless zombie,” Cinnamon explained. “We’ve got to act like them until nightfall. Then, we head towards the mountain the first chance we get.”
Suddenly, all the other ponies at the table stopped eating. In fact, they seemed to stop moving all together, simply staring ahead of them with a blank expression in their eyes.
“The food is starting to take effect,” Scarlet hurriedly whispered before imitating the soulless, unblinking posture of the affected ponies. The other three quickly followed suit.
Shortly after, Briar and Bramble materialized from the mist looking over their victims with sinister smiles.
“Okay, everypony,” said Briar, cheerfully. “Now that all of you are our slaves, please follow us to where you’re going to be spending the rest of your pathetic mortal existence.”
Everypony stiffly rose to their hooves and shuffled after the fey ponies. The royals and their friends stayed in the rear in order to better conspire against their new “masters” without detection. Cinnamon Swirl brought a hoof to his lips, signaling for the other three not to talk.
“Just stick to the plan,” he said with his eyes.
The fey ponies led their newly acquired slaves into a part of the jungle closer to the mountain. A spring of water flowed from the rocks, and all around the spring was a grove of unusual trees. Their trunks were white with thick black stripes, and instead of leaves a ball of fuzz grew at the top of the trees with each fuzz ball in a different color. Most were orange or yellow, but a few were bright pink or purple. A gentle breeze blew through the downy foliage, wafting a sweet, milky scent all through the surrounding areas. Each tree had a ladder and a basket underneath. Directly next to the spring were a row of barrels and a pile of sieves.
“Now, before we give out assignments, there’s one little thing that we need to address,” Bramble said before calling out. “Oh, Jim!”
Scarlet stifled a gasp at the sound of that name. A loud rumbling descended from the mountain as the ground began to shake. Suddenly, the ponies found themselves facing a giant troll. It stood on two thick, stubby legs and wore a loin cloth. Its two long arms were as thick as tree trunks, and it had a belly like an overinflated balloon. Two tusks stuck out from its protruding chin, and two beady eyes stared out from underneath its thick brow bone.
“Bwi-ah and Bwamble have moe pwetah ponays fo Jim?” the troll asked the fey ponies.
“Yup,” Briar replied, “and you can have your pick of any of them.”
“Oh, please, don’t pick me. Please, please, please don’t pick me,” Scarlet silently begged.
Jim the Troll gasped, picking Scarlet up with his enormous hands. “Pwetah wedhead ponay camed back!”
Scarlet needed every ounce of willpower she had and then some not to scream.
“Dis ponay pwetah too!” Jim cried, snatching up Love Tap. If those words had been coming out of anyone besides a giant mountain troll who was currently taking her away from her husband, Love Tap would have been flattered.
After selecting a few more ponies, Jim climbed back up the mountain to enjoy his prize.
“As for the rest of you,” Bramble instructed her remaining captives. “Half of you pick the tufts from the trees and put them in the baskets. The other half needs to fill those barrels with water using nothing but the sieves. Are we clear?”
The ponies said nothing, but half of them shuffled towards the spring while the other half shuffled towards the grove. Punch followed the ponies going to the spring while Cinnamon followed the ponies going to the grove.
At the grove, the ponies climbed up the ladders towards the tufts of fuzz growing on the trees. However, as the ponies reached up to pick them, the tufts would shrink back just out of their reach.
Meanwhile, at the spring, the ponies took turns scooping out the water with the sieves and pouring the contents into one of the barrels. However, since the water kept running through the sieves, each pony brought no more than maybe two drops of water to the barrel at a time.
Punch and Cinnamon Swirl recognized the futility of the tasks that they had been assigned but performed them anyway since their captors were watching. As they worked, they couldn’t help but worry about the dangers that their wives were probably facing with the mountain troll.
The mountain troll brought his selected ponies to his cave and set them on a shelf next to a boulder with an 8 carved into it and another boulder that was shaped like a potato with detachable limbs and face parts, which were made from twigs and rocks.
“This is the worst!” Scarlet cried. “The absolute worst!”
“Why? What’s he going to do to us?” Love Tap asked her, figuring out that they were both safe to drop the charade.
Before Scarlet could answer, Jim picked her off the shelf. “Pwetah ponay with pwetah wed har go fust.”
“Scarlet!” Love Tap cried. She watched on in horror as the troll began to…brush Scarlet’s hair.
“Bwushy, bwushy, bwushy,” Jim sang as he brushed.
“Ow! Not so hard, you big lug!” Scarlet shouted at the troll.
Jim didn’t seem to hear her as he continued brushing with the same rough and painful intensity.
After hours of amusedly watching their slaves toil pointlessly, Briar and Bramble noticed that night had fallen.
Briar commanded with a stamp of her hoof, “Go to sleep!”
As soon as the command left her lips, all the magically enslaved ponies suddenly stopped. One by one, they sank to the ground and snored away. The ponies working in the trees fell off their ladders, but instead of crashing to the ground, they gently floated down as if by some otherworldly magic. Thankfully, Cinnamon Swirl was already on the ground when the feys gave their command, so he didn’t have to worry about his cover being blown.
Pleased with her work, Briar turned around the began walking to a different part of the jungle.
“Come on, Bramble. Let’s get our beauty sleep. We can watch them wear themselves out some more tomorrow,” she said to her sister, who turned to follow her.
Once they were sure that the fey ponies were gone, Cinnamon and Punch got up and met with each other at the base of the mountain.
“How are we going to find the mares and rescue the crew?” Punch asked Cinnamon.
“Let’s focus on one thing at a time here,” Cinnamon replied. “As for finding the mares, this happened to Scarlet the last time we ended up here. I think I still know where the troll’s cave is.”
Cinnamon pointed up a steep and rocky path leading up the pathway.
“Hmm,” he said, looking from Punch’s wheelchair to the path. “Looks like I’m going to have to carry you up.”
Cinnamon hoisted Punch onto his back as Punch folded his wheelchair and stashed it into his backpack. He reached into and rummaged through his pack, pulling out a lantern to light the path.
“Just what is in that bag?” Cinnamon exclaimed as he began his trek up the mountain. “Another dimension?”
“Probably,” Punch replied. “So, what happened to Scarlet last time she was captured by the mountain troll?”
“No idea. She refuses to talk about it.”
The path lead to a mountain troll-sized opening into a cavernous tunnel. The floor of the tunnel seemed much smoother than the path, so Punch unpacked his wheelchair and got off Cinnamon’s back.
They had gone some distance down the tunnel when they were met with a sight that put all the treasures in the world to shame.
“Love Tap!” Cinnamon cried, racing to embrace his wife.
“Scarlet!” Punch held his arms out as his wife rushed into them.
“Thank goodness. We were so worried about you,” said Love Tap, returning her husband’s embrace.
“YOU were worried?” Cinnamon retorted, as he and Love Tap released each other. “Punch and I were losing our minds wondering what the troll was doing to you.”
“Whoa, what happened to your manes?” Punch asked, noticing the state of the mares’ hair. Scarlet’s appeared to have increased in volume and was standing on end, giving it the appearance of a clown’s wig. Love Tap’s was tangled in a mess of ribbons and curlers.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Scarlet said, as she and Punch parted. “Let’s just go find those dwarves, so we can get out of this place.”
“Dwarves?” Love Tap asked.
“Dwarven iron,” Cinnamon explained. “It’s the only thing that that break a fey’s curse.”
“How did the two of you find the dwarves in the first place?” Punch asked.
“Sheer dumb luck,” Scarlet huffed. “We got lost in these tunnels the last time we came here. Luckily, we happen to know exactly where to find the dwarves now.”
Scarlet Plume and Cinnamon Swirl led the group to a part of the tunnel system that seemed to lead downward and inward. The four of them could feel the temperature slowly beginning to rise as they continued towards the bowels of the mountain.
“Oh, shoot!” Scarlet suddenly exclaimed, putting a hoof to her face.
“What is it?” Punch asked her.
“I just remembered what we had to do to get the dwarves to help us the last time.”
Cinnamon stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening as he recalled the memory. “Maybe we won’t have to do it again,” he suggested hopefully.
“Do what again?” Love Tap asked. However, before Scarlet or Cinnamon could answer her. They had reached some kind of underground fortress and were halted by some guards.
“Halt!” the guards ordered from on top of the fortress’s walls, pointing their halberds at the four. “Who dares trespass in the land of the dwarves?”
The guards were all stallions with long, flowing manes and scraggly beards. They also all seemed to be Earth ponies except shorter and bulkier. However, Love Tap couldn’t tell if the bulk was mostly coming from the heavy armor they were wearing or from their unusually enormous muscles.
Cinnamon stepped forwards to address the dwarven guards. “It is I, Cinnamon Swirl the Adventurer. My crew has once again fallen prey to the feys’ curse, and my companions and I have come seeking King Ferrous’s aid.”
The guards looked at each other with unreadable expressions before descending from the wall. The gates opened, and an armored dwarven stallion stepped out. He had a dull yellow coat with an orange mane and a beard that reached his chest. Like the other guards, he carried a halberd.
“I am Tungsten, Captain of the Dwarven Guards,” the dwarf introduced. “Unfortunately, King Ferrous, may he rest in peace, is no longer with us, but if you follow me, I can lead you to our queen.”
Our four heroes followed the dwarf captain into the fortress. Inside the fortress was a cobblestone road leading to a stone fort surrounded by several smaller stone buildings, pens holding what looked to be miniature sheep with gold fleece, and garden plots growing root vegetables. Love Tap questioned how any plant life could grow this deep underground when she noticed that each plot had a glowing yellow stone in the center. The light that the stone emitted probably mimicked sunlight. All throughout the fortress, dwarves were bustling about on their everyday business.
Every dwarf seemed to have a similar short, bulky body type even the mares and foals, and every stallion had a beard. The mares, on the other hoof, did not grow beards but kept their equally long manes in braids. Few had horns like a unicorn, but none had wings. Like the guards at the gate, some of the dwarves wore heavy metal armor while others wore lighter clothing made of wool padding.
The captain led the four outsiders into the stone fort. Inside the fort, Love Tap, Cinnamon Swirl, Scarlet Plume, and Punch were brought inside of a throne room decorated with all sorts of precious stones and metals. In the middle of the throne room sat a dwarven mare on a gold throne. The mare had hair as black as coal and a dusky red coat. She also wore golden armor and a gold diadem decorated with a single large ruby. In her hoof, she held a heavy gold scepter topped with a diamond. She stood up and descended from her throne to greet her visitors.
“I am Anthracite, daughter of Ferrous and White Diamond, Queen of the Dwarves,” she said to her visitors with an authoritative voice. “What business do you have with my ponies?”
“Your Majesty,” Cinnamon greeted the dwarven queen with a bow. “I’m not sure if you remember us, but my friend Scarlet Plume and I once received aid from your father regarding the fey ponies. If it’s not too much trouble, I’m afraid we need your aid once again.”
The queen studied the four taller ponies with a stern look. Despite her small size, the queen gave off an intimidating air. To Cinnamon and Scarlet’s relief, her face softened when she turned to face the two former adventurers.
“Yes, I remember you two. You passed the Ultimate Challenge and earned my father’s respect. I will gladly give both of you aid,” Anthracite said to Cinnamon and Scarlet.
“But,” she continued, her face hardening as she pointed her scepter at Love Tap and Punch. “These two have yet to earn our trust and respect according to the ancient rules.”
“Wait,” Scarlet replied. “You mean, they’re going to have to...”
“By the ancient rules, they must also pass the Ultimate Challenge, or else, they will not be allowed to return to the surface,” the queen finished.
“And what exactly is the Ultimate Challenge?” Love Tap asked, worry creeping onto her face.
“Well,” Cinnamon was about to answer when the dwarven queen bonked him on the head with her scepter. “Ow!”
“By the ancient rules, no outsider is allowed to know what the Challenge is ahead of time,” Anthracite bellowed.
“But they’re our spouses,” Scarlet protested. “Can’t you make an exception for them?”
“Absolutely not. According to the ancient rules, every outsider must earn our approval through the Ultimate Challenge, no exceptions.”
“Well, then I guess we really don’t have much of a choice then,” Punch remarked in resignation.
“Captain Tungsten will escort you to the armory,” said Anthracite. “You may equip yourselves with anything there or on your pony. Then, the captain will lead you to where the challenge will take place. Any questions?”
“Yeah. Is there anything edible around that won’t magically enslave us or anything? We haven’t eaten anything in a while.”
After a filling yet unappetizing meal of the toughest potatoes and parsnips that the four of them have ever eaten, Love Tap and Punch were led by Captain Tungsten to the armory while Cinnamon and Scarlet were led away by the rest of the Dwarven Guard to an undisclosed area.
The dwarven armory mostly held heavier weapons such as axes, hammers, maces, and flails. There were a few more basic weapons such as swords, clubs, and quarterstaffs as well as a some rather unusual choices like an assortment of pots, pans, and golf irons. Love Tap chose a wok, reasoning that it could also double as a shield if worse comes to worse, while Punch filled his backpack with whatever weapon he could lift.
“What?” Punch remarked, seeing the strange look Love Tap was giving him. “You never know which one of these will come in handy.”
“Just how are you able to fit all that in there?” Love Tap exclaimed, turning her stare towards the pack.
“By all accounts, it doesn’t make sense, but I’ve never really questioned it.”
Tungsten led Love Tap and Punch to an area outside of the dwarven fortress. They stopped at what looked like the beginning of a path full of twists and turns. Various obstacles made of rock and metal were scattered along the path. Punch couldn’t help but notice some strategically placed holes along the path. Before he could ask questions about them, however, Queen Anthracite stepped forward to give them the challenge.
“Greetings, outsiders. As by the ancient rules, you both must withstand the Ultimate Challenge. I trust that you’ve equipped yourselves well,” said the queen.
“We sure hope so,” Love Tap replied.
“Good.” Anthracite motioned for a horned colt to step forward. The dwarven colt had a bronze coat and a black mane and was levitating a pillow, and on that pillow was what appeared to be a small iron ball. “You will each take turns using your chosen implements to strike this ball forward, trying to get it inside each of the holes. Once the ball lands inside a hole, it will magically teleport to the next part of the course. You must play where it lands, and you are not allowed to touch the ball with your hooves. Don’t even bother attempting to break those rules. The ball has been enchanted to shock anyone who tries. The challenge is passed when you complete the course.”
“Are we required to get the ball into the holes in only a certain number of strikes?” Punch asked.
“No. Just finish the course.”
“So, this Ultimate Challenge is just a game of mini golf except that there’s no par, and we get to take turns. This should be easy.”
“Easy?” Love Tap exclaimed to her companion, her hooves beginning to shake. “If my golf game’s anything like my croquet game, well, let’s just say that I’ll probably end up slowing you down.”
“Well, there’s no par, and I’m probably good enough to make up for your lack of game. There’s probably nothing to worry about.”
The colt set the pillow on the ground before walking out of sight.
“Which of you wishes to go first?” the queen asked.
Love Tap hesitantly stepped forward with her wok and tapped the ball with it. The ball rolled about six inches before coming to a stop.
“Umm, maybe hit the ball a little harder next time, Your Highness,” Punch said to the former queen. “If you like, I did stash some of the golf irons from the armory in my bag. Maybe you’d like to use one of them instead of that pan.”
Love Tap simply sighed and stepped back allowing Punch to position himself next to the ball. He pulled out one of the dwarven golf irons from his backpack and yelled, “Fore!”
With one smooth swing, Punch sent the ball flying over the first set of obstacles, causing it to land a mere two inches away from the first hole.
“Wow,” Love Tap exclaimed, completely impressed. “You are good.”
One montage of Love Tap and Punch persevering through the course later, the two of them arrived at the last hole.
“You know, you did pretty well for somepony who’s bad at golf,” Punch said to Love Tap.
“I sent the ball flying three holes back when we were already halfway through the course, got it stuck in a crack in the wall, and sent it onto an island in the middle of a pool of lava,” Love Tap deadpanned.
“Yeah, good thing I had duct tape with me or else we never would have gotten past that last one. Fore!”
Punch sent the ball flying straight towards the last hole. However, before it could land in the hole, a creature emerged from the ground, coming between the ball and its target. The ball struck the creature and ricocheted off to the side. The creature looked like a minotaur made of lava and stood about twice as tall as one.
“Oh, dear,” Love Tap squeaked out as the creature roared at them. It conjured up a ball of fire in its two clawed hands and prepared to throw it at the two ponies. Thinking fast, Love Tap pulled the dwarven wok from Punch’s bag and used it shield herself and Punch from the fireball.
The fireball struck the wok and sent the two ponies flying backwards. Besides being unbalanced and disoriented, the two of them managed to escape the ordeal unscathed. The wok, on the other hoof, ended up with a large dent in the middle of it.
“Wow, it’s still in one piece,” Punch exclaimed, picking up and inspecting the dented wok. “Dwarven iron is really something.”
“Punch, we don’t have time to admire the craftsponyship. We gotta move,” Love Tap cried, righting Punch and his wheelchair before hurriedly wheeling him away as fast as her legs could run. The creature lumbered towards them, throwing fireballs at them all the way.
“Good thing I remembered to install seatbelts in this thing,” Punch remarked as the two dodged fireballs. Punch reached in his backpack and pulled out two smoke bombs, tossing them behind Love Tap. The smoke enveloped the two ponies, allowing them to duck behind a nearby rock formation without the creature noticing.
“What in Equestria is that thing?” Punch whispered to Love Tap.
“Well, if I remember my mythology, that thing is a balrog, a pony-eating creature made out of fire and darkness that lives deep underground,” Love Tap replied. “I also remember that they’re not supposed to exist. How the dwarves managed to subdue one and make it a part of their challenge I’ll never know.”
“Well, we’re not going to be able to complete the course with it trying to eat us, and now, I understand why this course doesn’t have a par.”
“No wonder Cinnamon and Scarlet didn’t want to go through this challenge again,” Love Tap groaned. “They were in their prime when they faced this thing. Now that their older, they wouldn’t have as good of a chance of taking it out. Not only are we past our prime, but we also don’t have Cinnamon and Scarlet’s adventuring skills and experience. Just how are we supposed to go hoof to hoof with a balrog?”
Punch didn’t answer. Instead, he stuck the entire front half of his body into his backpack and began rummaging through its contents.
“Let’s see,” Punch said from inside of his bag. “Dwarven golf irons, dwarven swords, dwarven quarterstaff, dwarven clubs, dwarven frying pans, dwarven pancake griddle, dwarven waffle iron. A crutch, makeup kit, a package of saltines, my camera. Hey, a bit. Oh, and the grapes from the fey banquet. If only we had a way to get the balrog to eat these, then we can make it do our bidding.”
Love Tap's eyes widened as an idea formed in her mind. “Punch, you wouldn’t by any chance have a couple of mannequins and a sewing kit in your bag, would you?”
The balrog snarled as it searched through its domain for its prey. He turned around and saw two pony-shaped figures just standing stiffly in front of a rock formation. With a hideously wicked smile, the balrog snatched them up and swallowed them both in one gulp. It let out a satisfied growl, believing that I had won, but suddenly, the balrog froze in place as if it had lost every ounce of free will that it had.
Punch and Scarlet stepped out from behind the rock formation with Punch smugly grinning at the frozen balrog.
“I hope you like grape-stuffed mannequins,” Punch taunted, wheeling himself closer to the balrog.
“Punch, wait,” Love Tap exclaimed, blocking her companion. “Remember what Cinnamon said about dwarven iron breaking fey curses? If we don’t keep our distance, we could end up accidentally freeing the balrog.”
“Can’t have that now, can we?” Punch said nonchalantly before pulling out his camera and snapping a picture of the balrog.
“What?” he said defensively, noticing the disapproving look that Love Tap was giving him. “How else are we supposed to prove that balrogs are real?”
Love Tap just sighed and turned her attention back to the balrog. “Balrog, by the order of the queen mother of Marendelle, I command you to go to sleep.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, the balrog swayed unsteadily before falling to the ground with a crash and a tremor. Once the ground stopped shaking, Love Tap and Punch rushed back to find the ball which had landed not far from where the balrog emerged. The balrog’s appearance had left a wide chasm between them and the last hole.
“Okay, all we have to do is make the shot over this chasm, and, oh, no,” Punch’s eyes widened as he made a very important realization.
“What?” Love Tap replied.
“It’s your turn to try for the shot.”
Love Tap froze as Punch’s words and what they implied sank in. “Oh, bother.”
“Just take the shot. Don’t even think about it. We might get lucky.”
“So, we’re putting both our lives in the hooves of sheer dumb luck? Great,” Love Tap winced as she chose a golf iron from Punch’s bag.
“Dumb luck is better than no luck at all,” he replied with a horribly forced grin plastered on his face.
Love Tap’s hooves shook as she stepped up to the ball. She could feel sweat pouring from her forehead as she nervously looked from the hole to the ball to the chasm and back again. Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes and forced her hooves to stop shaking before blindly swinging at the ball.
The ball went flying across the chasm and landed inches away from the hole before slowly rolling towards it. The ball rolled and rolled and …stopped just before it could fall in the hole.
“Really?!” Love Tap cried as she fell to her knees.
“Hang on. I’ve got this,” Punch said as he took out his throwing knives. The knife swished through the air, hitting the ball with a clang before the ball rolled into the hole.
As soon as the ball entered the hole, an eerie blue light shot out of it and a swirling blue vortex appeared on the ceiling. The vortex forcibly sucked Love Tap and Punch into its center, the two ponies screaming the whole way.
Meanwhile in an undisclosed location inside the dwarven fortress, Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume waited for their spouses to return. Cinnamon was pacing the floor while Scarlet was nervously chewing on a carrot. In the room with them were Queen Anthracite, a gray dwarven stallion with a horn and an absurdly long white mane and beard, and the colt from earlier.
“Master Argentum, when will we know if the outsiders have passed the challenge,” the colt said to the stallion.
“Patience, Cupric,” answered the stallion. “When the ball falls in the last hole, the spell will activate, and they will be brought to us.”
As soon as the stallion finished his explanation, a blue vortex appeared over the middle of the room.
“Speaking of which.”
The vortex unceremoniously spat out Love Tap and Punch before vanishing. Punch was still strapped to his wheelchair which tipped over and fell on its side.
“Ow!” Love Tap cried as she hit the floor.
“Can somepony please help me up?” Punch dramatically shouted.
Scarlet rushed forward and righted her husband before kissing him fully on the lips. After she broke the kiss, she threw her arms around him and cried, “Oh, thank Faust, you’re okay!”
Punch turned red as a beet before returning his wife’s embrace.
Cinnamon held his hoof out to Love Tap and helped her up before also pulling her into an embrace.
“I’m so happy that you’re alright,” Cinnamon exclaimed as he and Love Tap pulled away. “I don’t know what happened out there, but I’m never letting you go through that again.”
“You better not,” Love Tap retorted. “I’d rather go through another pregnancy than what I just went through.”
The colt identified as Cupric smiled mischievously as he lit up his horn only to extinguish it when he caught sight of the stern glare Master Argentum was giving him. Cupric grinned sheepishly as he slowly backed away.
Argentum stepped forward and greeted Love Tap and Punch, “Worthy friends, I am Argentum, the court wizard of the Dwarven Kingdom. On behalf of Queen Anthracite, I am pleased to announce that the two of you have passed the Ultimate Challenge and have been found worthy of being called Friends of the Dwarves.”
Argentum levitated two iron writing pens to Love Tap and Punch and pointed to a stone tablet that stood across from the door. The tablet had strange runes along the top with Cinnamon Swirl and Scarlet Plume’s names etched in the blank area in the middle.
“Please write your names on the tablet so that we and our posterity may remember you always,” Argentum instructed.
Love Tap and Punch glanced at each other in confusion, unsure how the pens were supposed to even make a scratch on the tablet. They took the pens in their mouths anyway and stepped forwards towards the tablet. Love Tap wrote her name first, and to her amazement, the pen began to etch the tablet as soon as its metallic tip touched the tablet’s stone surface.
When Punch finished writing this name, Anthracite addressed them, “Now that all four of you are officially Friends of the Dwarves, we will gladly help you break the feys’ curse from the rest of your companions. Cupric!”
As soon as he was called, the dwarven colt stepped forward levitating an iron box. He opened the box using his magic and from it, levitated an iron nail dangling from the middle of a piece of string.
“Tie these nails on yourselves and those affected. Not only will they break the feys’ curse, but they will also protect you against any of the feys’ future attempts to harm you,” the queen explained.
“As for the feys themselves,” the dwarven wizard added, levitating a folded iron net to Cinnamon Swirl. “Trap them under this net, and they will be forced to do your bidding until you free them.”
“Why would we want to free them if they’re just going to keep enslaving shipwrecked travelers?” Punch asked as Cinnamon took the net from Argentum.
“Because as sick and twisted as they are, the island depends on their magic, and if we keep them trapped for too long, the whole island will sink, and everything living in it will die, including the dwarves,” Cinnamon explained.
“By the way,” Anthracite continued, “we’re going to need you to return the weapons that you borrowed from the armory.”
Punch sighed and rolled his eyes as he set his backpack on the ground, emptying it of the borrowed weapons. The last item that he unpacked was the dented wok.
“You know what? On second thought, keep that one. Think of it as a souvenir from the kingdom.”
Meanwhile, outside of the mountain, almost an entire day had passed. The sun had not yet set but was already fairly low in the sky. Back at the spring next to the grove of fluffy trees, two fey ponies were grumbling to each other about how they had once again been outwitted.
“Stupid Cinnamon Swirl and his stupid handicapped friend tricking us into thinking they had eaten our food,” Briar complained. “No doubt they’ve already rescued Scarlet Plume and that other mare and have already made their way to the dwarves.”
“Don’t forget that the dwarves don’t help anypony who doesn’t pass their Ultimate Challenge,” Bramble attempted to mollify her sister. “What are the odds that that other mare and that handicapped stallion actually beat the balrog?”
Before Briar could answer, an iron net was thrown over them causing them both to shriek, “Ah! An iron net!”
“I’d say our odds are pretty good,” Love Tap retorted, as she and Cinnamon smirked triumphantly at their handiwork.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Cinnamon said in a condescending tone. “We’ll let you out as soon as Punch and Scarlet rescue the ponies that Jim snatched.”
“And after we free the crew from your control.”
“And after you fix our ship, so we can get the heck out of here.”
The two feys just sighed as they resigned themselves to their fate. “Aw phooey.”