//------------------------------//
// 2 - Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind 
// Story: Dash to the Stars 
// by Meep the Changeling 
//------------------------------//

“The purpose of life is the investigation of the Sun, the Moon, and the heavens.” — Anaxagoras, 459 BCE.



Rainbow Dash - 2nd of Faust, 1st year of Harmony


Six Days Ago


749554.65 A.H.

Ursa's Lair Campground - Whitetails Woods, Equestria, Equus

The Whitetail Woods have been one of the most special places to nearly everypony in southern Equestria for five hundred years. They are easily one of the most breathtaking natural wonders on Equus, full of lush, unspoiled woodlands, just as things were in the days before intelligent life began. Of course such a lovely natural wonder was converted into a natural park, complete with hiking trails and campgrounds.

While perhaps a little disrespectful to one of the last truly natural spots on Equus, everypony who lived within a day’s train ride from Whitetail Woods had camped beneath its hundred-meter tall redwoods at least once as a foal. Rainbow Dash had gone camping here with her father hundreds of times. She’d spent every third weekend here during the summers, weather-permitting.

While the woods were a natural wonder, and fully-preserved, the skies above them were not, nor was the top of Ursa’s Lair. A truly colossal butte, Ursa’s Lair looked as if an archmage had commanded five square kilometers of the earth to rise up and form a kilometer-high tower of stone. Perhaps one had, but with no sign of a wizard living on the colossal tower, it had become one of the many places the flying city of Cloudsdale would land.

Pegasi had flown over Whitetail Woods for ages. Their nomadic lifestyle had prevented them from developing the region, but nearly everypony had found their favorite places to nap beneath the trees.

Rainbow growled through her mouthfull of tent pole as she struggled to erect the cheap tent she had bought for this weekend’s trip. A mere two hours into the camping trip, and she was already regretting proposing going camping with everypony to relax and have fun together.

An alabaster unicorn across the clearing from Rainbow moaned as well. Rarity flicked her purple mane from her eyes with an indignant jerk of her head and picked a burr from her pale coat with contempt. “Ugh! I swear, this is all somehow worse than when we went into the Everfree last year!”

Applejack snorted and tipped her stetson’s brim upwards to give Rarity a deadpan stare. “Ya gonna complain about every little hardship so the fun seems like it weren't nothing?”

Rarity shook her head. “No, no, I just can’t understand how things keep getting caught in my coat. We’ve been in this clearing for hours now.”

Rainbow sighed and twisted her neck, finally managing to get the tent pole hooked to the right peg. She let go of the pole and turned towards her friend. “It’s camping. You’re going to get a little dirty. Just go to the spa once we get back home.”

Rarity nodded and smiled slightly. “Well of course, Rainbow. But that doesn't answer my question.”

A small, meek, butter-yellow pegasus next to the fire raised her hoof. “Um, well— It’s a bit breezy. It could have blown into your fur.”

Rarity paused and nodded slowly. “Yes, I suppose it could… Pinkie had better not be putting them in my coat. That’s all I am trying to say.”

Rainbow felt her cheeks part in a large simile. Of all her new friends, she had to like Pinkie the most. As a friend.

Rainbow snickered and shook her head. “I can see her doing it. But she went with Twilight to get the firewood.”

Applejack sat up, the log she had been leaning against creaking. She looked around the clearing for a moment, then focused on the stone firepit they had dug. “Are ya sure this is safe, Rainbow? The fire, I mean? These woods are a mite dry.”

Rainbow nodded and pointed east with her left hoof. “There’s a firetower right over there. The ranger will have plenty of magical doodads to put out any fire we start. Besides, I’ve been camping here since I was nine. As long as we don't go crazy and burn a whole cord of wood at once, nothing will happen.”

Fluttershy’s tail flicked behind her. “Oh, thank goodness! I was worried about that.”

Rarity sat down next to Fluttershy. “Of course you were, darling. You’re right next to it.”

Rainbow’s grin widened as Fluttershy eeped and slowly scooted back from the tiny fire like a cell phone vibrating off a table. She shook her head slowly and turned her attention back to her tent.

Rainbow hadn’t set up a tent before. She would always sleep under the stars, often on a tree branch. She had ground-bound friends now, so the tent had seemed like the right thing to do. Especially since it was a two-pony tent and Twilight was the only pony who hadn’t brought one of her own.

Rainbow’s tail swished happily as she took to the air to pull the rain cover over her tent. The light-duty cover was a deep purple. Her tent was a nice pale blue. Astonishingly, her friends still had no idea as to the symbolism Rainbow’s subconscious had chosen when purchasing the tent.

Applejack looked up with a twinge of jealousy as Rainbow flew. She twitched her head, making her hat settle back over her eyes. “So, Rainbow… Any reason you didn’t get a tent that matched your colors?”

Rainbow frowned and looked over at her friend’s tents. Rarity had a white tent with purple trim. Fluttershy enjoyed sleeping outside, but had brought a small yellow tarp to use as a lean-to. Pinkie had brought a tiny inflatable play-house the size of a one-pony tent. Applejack, on the other hoof, had brought a tent the rough color and shape of a Red Delicious apple.

This further proved Rainbow’s theory that the Apple family was just a bit crazy.

Rainbow shrugged at AJ’s question. “Eh… This time, no. But to be honest, it’s a bit hard to find rainbow-colored things. Most ponies have two or three colors, not seven.”

“Ya could let yer mane grow out naturally,” Applejack said with a shrug. “Might be easier then.”

Rainbow snorted and rolled her eyes. “I do.”

Rarity looked over, intrigued by a certain possibility. “Rainbow, are you telling me your mane is naturally like that?”

Rainbow nodded, her cheeks darkening slightly. “Uh, yeah. My grandma is a tropical pegasus. Ever see one? Their feathers are really colorful, too.”

Rarity’s eyes sparkled. “In that case, would you mind collecting your mane and tail trimmings for me? Natural thread is very expensive to get in violet, and I have certain customers who demand entirely organic products. I’d be willing to pay seven bits per meter of finished thread.”

Rainbow blinked in response to her friend’s proposal. “Uh, sure. Why not?”

Rarity clapped her hooves together. “Wonderful!” Rarity turned her head at the sound of underbrush cracking behind her. Her ears twitched, tracking the sound. “Oh, there’s two ponies approaching.”

Rainbow frowned and strained her ears to listen. Two familiar voices barely pierced through the trees, both complaining about how heavy something was.

Rainbow stretched out her wings to take off. “It’s Twi and Pinkie. Sounds like they’re having problems with the wood. I’ll be back in ten seconds flat!”

Rainbow jumped. The moment her legs were off the ground, her powerful wings began to beat like the blades of a turbine. She shot through the air, vanishing from her friends’ sight seemingly instantly.

Trees flashed by her like wooden walls of death. One false move, one tiny miscalculation, and her skull would shatter on the dull orange bark. Fortunately, Rainbow never made those mistakes. 

Flight came to her naturally. The faster she flew, the easier it was—for basic flight. Stunt flying produced the opposite effect.

Rainbow followed the sound of Pinkie’s and Twilight’s voices. Two seconds later she emerged from the woods above the trail her friends were taking. The two mares had purchased absolutely way too much wood, each one nearly buckling under the weight of their haul.

Twilight’s teeth were clenched; the most unathletic mare’s forehead was drenched with sweat. She was clearly having the hardest time with her share of the wood.

Pinkie was midsentance as Dash arrived on the scene. “—ing it would be way easier if you carried this with your magic.”

Twilight panted, unable to nod as she wanted to. “Yes. But… you’re supposed to... carry it! Says so, in… book…”

Dash rolled her eyes at the lavender unicorn’s antics and touched down next to her. “You know you don't need to to everything by the book, right?”

Twilight eeped at Dash’s sudden appearance, her ears perking up to search for further surprises. “Aaa! How do you do that?”

Rainbow smiled and winked at Twilight. “I’m awesome. Want me to take some of that for you? You know, since you won't magic it to camp.”

Twilight paused for a moment, considering what the Official Fillyscout’s Guide to Camping had said about sharing camp-tasks with other campers. Reaching her conclusion, she smiled. “Yes, please.”

Twilight used just a little bit of her magic to lift half of the wood she was carrying off her back, then pushed it over to Dash with her foreleg. Dash dipped down, maneuvering under Twilight’s leg to get her back beneath the stack of wood, and went to cup the wood with her wings for support.

As her left wing moved up, the tips of Rainbow’s primary feathers brushed across Twilight’s belly. Twilight giggled and twitched her tail. “Eep! Rainbow, that tickled!”

Rainbow’s cheeks flushed bright pink as the chorus to DJ pon-3’s song Everytime We Touch played in her mind. “S—sorry!”

Rainbow settled the wood on her back, ignoring the weight as best she could. Pinkie grinned ear to ear, beaming a smile at both her friends. “Dawww!”

Twilight blinked in surprise and turned her head towards the pink earth pony. “What?”

Pinkie trotted forward at an invigorated pace. “Oh, just shipping!”

Rainbow’s cheeks flushed brighter.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “But… there isn’t a post office for a hundred kilometers?”

Pinkie facehooved.

Rainbow coughed into her hoof and quickly trotted off after Pinkie. “Come on, Twilight. You know how Pinkie is. Everypony wants their s'mores, so let’s get the wood back! It’s not far.”

As Rainbow caught up with the prancing pink pony, Pinkie leaned over towards her and whispered, “Twilight doesn't have Daring Do number three yet.”

Rainbow frowned, not understanding what Pinkie meant. “What?”

“Nooothing! You two have fun,” Pinkie sang, flashing Dash a smile before zipping along up the trail at a seemingly impossible speed.

Dash shook her head and trotted along the trail, thinking back over the last year.

She’d always believed she would be famous one day. Her natural speed and skill at flight would eventually let her pull off some really impressive stunts. She would be a Wonderbolt one day, and her name would be remembered alongside every other top-tier flier in history! Though it would take many years before anypony knew her name.

At least, that’s what Rainbow believed before the last Summer Sun Celebration.

Nopony could possibly have predicted Rainbow would team up with five random mares and stop an ancient evil from taking over the world on the summer solstice. It made sense to her that Twilight would have become the hero she was today: Twilight was Princess Celestia’s personal protege, a magical genius with access to every spell ever invented. Even the restricted ones!

Twilight had always been destined to be a hero. Heck, all of her friends were special in one heroic way or another.

Rarity may be fussy and dependent on high society for self worth, but she was an amazingly accomplished mare. Her school grades were nearly perfect, she had once been the captain of the Canterlot High fencing team, and she had founded a successful nationwide business at the age of twenty. Rarity could do anything she put her mind to, and do it well.

Pinkie may have been hyperactive and a bit unhinged, but she also appeared to have genuine supernatural powers. Rainbow often wondered if she was actually a unicorn: her extra-poofy mane could easily hide a horn and the faint tell-tale glow of arcane light when she used magic. She was the mare who was everypony’s friend and could do the impossible. Of course Pinkie became a hero! She’d probably left the pages of a fantasy novel.

Fluttershy seemed like a timid coward on the outside, a pony afraid of everyone and everything. Rainbow knew better. Beneath that yellow pegasus’s cowardly exterior lay an atomic bomb’s fury. Fluttershy had gone eye to eye with a dragon and screamed it into submission. She’d walked up to a hydra and made it blink with a stare. Ponies scared Fluttershy, not monsters, and certainly not ancient evil villains from the stars. Her being a hero depended simply on her being in the right time and place for her rage to surface.

Then there was Applejack. AJ was the everypony: the ordinary pony who could do a bit of everything, a classic heroic archetype from fiction. In AJ’s case, that old archetype from Equestrian Folklore had been given a heaping dose of stubbornness and what Rainbow was certain had to be genuine super strength instead of the normal earth pony power.


Lastly, there was Rainbow. She flew fast. Yes, she flew very fast, but one could hardly call Rainbow’s best time at the track superspeed. A young mare training for the Equestria Games is several rungs lower than Fili-Second in terms of heroic potential. In her mind, Rainbow was a normal-ish mare who had never once given up on a friend, and one time, on her best day, by total accident, broke the sound barrier in a dive.

Hardly someone you’d expect to be on a team of heroic mares entrusted by the Princess to save the world again if it ever needed it.

Yet here she was, Rainbow Dash, Hero of Equestria. Everypony she ran into knew her on sight. It was a good feeling, an unexpected feeling. Rainbow did feel like she had earned the praise she got, but at the same time was certain almost anypony could have been the hero she was.

Twilight trotted past Rainbow, refreshed thanks to her load being lightened. Rainbow couldn’t help but watch Twilight’s plump flanks bob as she trotted ahead of her. Up, down, up, down, bounce, bounce, bounce.

Rainbow’s cheeks burned again. If that’s what a lifetime of sitting and reading did for your figure… If I hadn’t decided to make sure she was okay after Nightmare Moon arrived, I would be somepony completely different. I need to respect her, not picture myself under her hips. Until I know if she likes mares or not… Celestia, it’s so hard to tell if she likes anypony at all!

Rainbow shook her head to banish the lewd thoughts and picked up her pace so she wouldn’t arrive after everypony else.

Once the firewood was delivered, the camping trip took off properly. Fluttershy very quietly told spooky stories which were honestly more silly than spooky, but quite fun to listen to. Applejack made lunch, grilled apples with a side of hayfries and tomatoes, as well as a little bit of fish for her pegasus friends.

Rarity fashioned some rather elegant chairs out of some stray branches and vines, providing everypony with a comfortable seat. Pinkie had somehow managed to sneak a cake into camp, with not a single pony so much as smelling it for the entire day’s trip out to Ursa’s Lair. Pink Fairy Cake went wonderfully with the calm, cool afternoon breeze. It went even better when Pinkie handed out the rest of the cake after dinner that night.

Throughout the day, Twilight had gone on several mini-lectures about certain parts of the forest which caught her attention. Rainbow listened to them intently, even if she didn’t understand most of what Twilight was saying. She loved to hear her talk.

As the sun went down the mares piled more wood on the fire. The flames were no longer for cooking; they were for lighting, atmosphere, and mood. Everypony enjoyed the feeling of being away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. A fire had an emotion absent in electric lights, a sort of primitive joy and sense of community. Many pony homes still had lanterns and fireplaces to capture that feeling.

Twilight shook her head as she looked up into the tree canopy yet again. The view overhead was certainly impressive. The clearing they had chosen to camp in was just big enough for a small window of stars to be visible overhead, framed by the green-clad branches of the biggest trees on Equus.

Twilight smiled. “I still can’t get over how big these are! Reading about them is one thing but—I mean, look at them! Some of these trees are over five thousand years old. There could be a tree in this forest old enough for Celestia herself to have planted it as a filly!”

Applejack shrugged. “Sure, but it would be nicer if these trees produced something. Maybe some fruit, or a syrup.”

Rarity’s eyes widened. She gasped, covering her mouth with her hoof. “AJ! Are you saying we should turn all of this into even more farmland?”

Applejack’s tail stood up. “What? No! Course not. Ahm thinking about what we could do with a little earth pony magic an some of these trees’ seeds. Just one of these things could replace an eighth of my field if each branch grew apples.”

Twilight shrugged. “Well, it wouldn’t matter if they did. These trees only get this big here because of the other plants in the forest. The microbiome the plants permit provide these trees with the exact nutrients they need to grow big and strong. You would need to cultivate everything you can see around you on your farm.”

AJ laughed and flashed Twilight a smile. “You think I didn’t know that? Shoot, these trees’ friends don't need any work from anypony to turn out just fine. Do you have any idea how much work goes into caring for a single apple tree?”

Twilight nodded, then frowned. “Uh well, in theory, yes. I’d love to see it some time.”

Rainbow stretched her wings out behind her. “It’s pretty crazy. I’ve been napping in her trees for years. There’s like, nineteen different things she spreads around each tree.”

Appejack sighed and slumped down in her chair. “Rainbow, ya know napping in that tree has made the branches grow into a nest-shape for you? I’m not saying you should stop, cuz that tree’s all yours now, but we try and grow each tree in the same shape to make applebucking easier.”

Rainbow’s cheeks burned at AJ’s choice of terminology. Rarity coughed into her hoof and looked across the fire. “Darling? Must you call it that?”

Applejack nodded. “Eeyup! It’s the proper technical term. Ain’t my fault you city ponies decided that a word meaning ‘kick something real hard’ means ‘have sex’.”

Twilight grinned and held up her hoof. “Ooo! Ooo! I know why that happened! Anypony want a quick etymology lesson?”

A hoof rapped against a tree trunk three times. Rainbow jumped to her hooves and spun around to face the sound.

Rainbow’s eyes widened as she saw a dark silhouette of a pony wearing tightly-fitted clothing and what seemed to be a cowl standing right at the edge of their camp. Rainbow hadn't heard anything approach, nor seen the tell-tale flash of a unicorn teleporting. As far as she was concerned, this pony had materialized out of thin air.

As Rainbow’s mind debated how likely it was for them to have somehow encountered the Batmare, the pony took a few steps forwards, revealing the cowl to simply be a super-long black and off-white mane, and their clothing to be a park ranger’s dark olive green uniform.

The pony frowned as they watched the entire camp of mares collectively jump, recoil, or eep in fright, and held up a hoof. “Woah! Sorry, I didn’t want to scare anypony. That’s why I knocked on the tree. Uh, I’m Pandora. I’m with the park service.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. Pandora was a mare’s name, and this pony was extremely lithe, with nice, plump flanks. They sounded like either a mare with a slightly husky voice, or a stallion with a higher than normal voice. Pandora’s muzzle and jaw were ambiguous as well.

Rainbow narrowed her eyes to search for any clue as to how she should address the ranger to be polite. Her eyes briefly looked into his emerald orbs, and then finally found something. “Ah ha! Short eyelashes! You’re a colt!”

Pan blinked, and awkwardly shuffled his forhooves. “Uh, yeah. It’s cool. I get that a lot.”

Rainbow’s friends breathed a quick sigh of relief. AJ muttered something under her breath which Rainbow was pretty certain was something like “Thank Celestia somepony figured it out.”

Twilight reached over with her magic and deftly plucked their camping permit from her bags. “Is there a problem, sir? We have our permit and receipt for this spot right here.”

Fluttershy’s ears perked in alarm. “O—oh! Um, the fire isn’t too big, is it?”

Pandora shook his head The way his silky-mane flowed from the movement sent waves of jealousy racing through Rarity’s chest. “No, no… I‘m stationed at the firetower nearby, and my boss said you six were camping here tonight. I um… Could I get your autographs? Please?”

Pandora reached into his jacket’s left breast pocket and removed a pad and pen. The pad was very distinct, having a brown leather cover with a gold leaf oscilloscope screen printed on the cover.

Fluttershy gasped as she saw the cover, her cheeks turning a bright pink. “Oh, my, goodness! Are you TwoForm34?”

Pandora’s eyes went wide, and the stallion immediately took a half-step back. “Um, y-yeah. I used to be… I quit drawing—”

Fluttershy stood up, beaming him a smile. “I love your work! I have your page set as one of my homepages; you haven't done anything in forever!” Fluttershy’s excited rambling drew quiet as she slowly tilted her head. “Wait, I thought you were a unicorn, not an earth pony.”

Pan’s tail and ears drooped. “I am.”

Pinkie frowned and looked at Pan’s forehead. “But your mane isn’t floofy enough to hide a ho—  Ooooohh…”

The pnk party pony winced as she noticed the short stump of horn almost entirely hidden by Pan’s mare-ish bangs. “Sorry…”

“It happened years ago. That’s why I stopped drawing,” Pan muttered before looking back up at the six mares. “I um, I’d still like your autographs. If that’s okay.”

Rainbow frowned, uncertain if Pinkie had discovered the unicorn and a tiny horn, or if something very cruel had happened. Then Rainbow too saw it. She winced. “Ow! What kind of accident did you get into? You’ve got to be one tough guy to survive that kind of pain.”

Pain’s lips pulled sharply downwards. “It wasn’t an accident.”

Twilight’s eyes widened at Pan’s words. Before the situation could escalate she got to her hooves and trotted over to pan, taking his pad and pen from him with her magic as she walked. “I’m happy to sign this for you,” Twilight said as she flipped open the notebook to the first page.

Pan’s eyes widened. “Uhhh! I um, I was going to open that to a blank page. Could you—”

Twilight hummed and looked at the first page, then began to slowly flip through the book, an intrigued expression slowly building on her face. “This is cool! I’ve never seen anypony do fantasy anatomy drawings before. It’s like reading some kind of parallel world’s medical text. Or a treatise on intersex ponies. Were you inspired by third century autopsy manuals?”

Pan blinked, a confused frown overtaking his face. “Um, yeah. I was. Sorry the subject matter is uh, weird. That’s just… what I like. Could you sign a blank page? It would be cool if you each signed a blank page.”

Twilight waved a hoof in dismissal. “It’s art. Good art. Fluttershy? Show me his gallery when we get back, please. I’d like to see more of this.”

Twilight flipped through the notepad, finding a blank page and quickly scribbling her name on the sheet.

“There you are,” she said as she passed the notepad to Rainbow with her magic, flipping it over to a fresh page.

Rainbow took the book, curious about what was on the first fifty pages. She almost looked, but decided to be polite. Pan had said he didn’t want anyone to look, after all. She signed her name and passed the notebook on to Pinkie.

One by one everypony signed a different page, with Fluttershy being last. As she took the notebook she looked up at Pan with a hopeful shimmer in her eyes. “Is—is the art here something you posted?”

Pan nodded slowly. “Yeah. It’s uh, it’s the anatomical study series I did for my avatar.”

Fluttershy’s ears perked up. “Oh! That was really good.”

Twilight smiled and nodded in agreement. “I agree! The biological systems all made sense. I’m not sure how the hormone balance would be in such an individual, but that was all very well designed.”

Pan scratched the back of his head and walked forward to take his notebook back. “Thanks. I uh… Well, that makes talking to you less awkward. I’ve drawn you guys on request once. Good to know that you’d like that.”

Fluttershy flashed Pandora a smile. “I um, that was me. I commissioned the group picture of uh, us. If it helps you feel less awkward.”

Pandora let out a genuine sigh of relief. “Oh, thank Celestia! That does make things much better.”

Twilight’s eyes sparkled. “Fluttershy, why didn’t you tell us you had a group picture commissioned? I’d love to see it sometime.”

“I agree completely. You should show us when we get back,” Rarity said, nodding in agreement.”

Fluttershy’s ears drooped back. And embarrassed smile and blush overtook her face. Fluttershy handed the notebook back to Pan and awkwardly shuffled off to the side. “I—um, well—that is—okay…”

Rainbow’s eyes dilated as everything clicked into place. In an instant, she understood that Pandora drew porn. A quick look at her friends revealed that either they didn’t realize that, or were very good at concealing their reactions to knowing someone had drawn what Rainbow could only assume was them having an orgy.

A spark of hatred flared up in Rainbow’s heart, only to be quickly extinguished when she remembered Fluttershy had been the one to commission the picture. Pan hadn’t drawn that just to draw it. He did it for money. It was just business. Business which she should have expected to be a popular thing, after they saved the world.

I’m going to wait ‘till he leaves, follow him, and have a little talk about this. I will be as polite as I can, but we’re going to have a talk.

Pan tucked his notebook back into his pocket and smiled shakily. “Um, thanks! It was good to meet you guys. Thanks for saving each and every one of us.”

AJ tipped her hat. “‘Tweren't nothing.”

Pan took a few steps away then stopped. “Oh!” He exclaimed, quickly turning around and pulling a tape recorder out of his pocket. “Um, Twilight? I’m doing an astronomy paper for college by mail but I don’t get internet out here, and I forgot to order one of my textbooks. Um, you don’t happen to know the five nearest pulsars to Equus, and like, how to find them in the night sky, do you?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow at the odd question and turned to exchange looks with everypony else. Her friends didn’t seem weirded out by the question at all. In fact, Pinkie laughed at it.

Pinkie sprang to her hooves and zipped over to Twilight, gripping her shoulders intensely. “If anypony knows that off-hoof, it’s Twilight! Go on, Twi, be the bookhorse you were born to be!”

Twilight’s ears folded back. She stepped away from Pinkie. “Uh, Pinkie? I don’t need cheerleading to help remember basic facts,” Twilight looked over at Pan and took the recorder from him. “I assume the recorder is so you don't forget?”

Pan nodded.

Twilight clicked the recorder’s button and cleared her throat. “Coordinates are given as the right ascension, followed by the declination. The five closest pulsars are: PSR J0108-1431 located at 01h 08m 08.29s by –14° 31′ 48.5″. PSR J2144-3933 located at 21h 44m 12.10s by −47° 15′ 08.6242″. PSR J0437-4715 located at 04h 37m 15.81476s by −47° 15′ 08.6242″. The Vela Pulsar aka PSR J0835-4510 located at 08h 35m 20.65525s by −45° 10′ 35.1545″. Lastly there is Geminga aka PSR J0633+1746 located at 06h 33m 54.15s by +17° 46′ 12.9″. Is that all you needed? What about their spin rates?”

Everypony stared at Twilight open-mouthed for several seconds. Twilight blushed and clicked off the recorder. “What? I like to read!”

“But how on Equus do you remember all of that?” Rarity demanded, shaking her head slowly.

AJ whistled. “Yer brain’s a library, Twi.”

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah! Do you have any idea how se—uper smart you are?”

Rainbow bit down on her lip, hoping her slipup wasn’t noticed. Pinkie noticed, and flashed Rainbow a grin and held out her hoof for a bump. Nopony else seemed to notice.

Rainbow didn’t bump Pinkie’s hoof. Pinkie set her hoof back down and looked at the ground, somewhat hurt by Rainbow’s refusal.

Pan took the recorder back and gave Twilight a bright, genuine smile. Gratitude seemed to ooze from every fiber of the effeminate stallion’s being. “Thanks! I didn’t think you’d know that at all! You’ve done me a huge favor. Maybe I’ll be able to pay it back one day.”

He tucked the recorder into his pocket and turned around, waving as he walked into the woods. “Bye! It was nice meeting you all.”

Everypony said their farewells as Pan walked back into the darkness. Rarity frowned as he left and leaned back in her seat. “He could have at least told us how in the world he got his mane to flow like that.”

AJ looked up at Rarity and raised an eyebrow. “Stallion’s hair just does that if it’s clean. Did you never have a brother?”

Rarity shook her head. “I haven’t had a brother. But I can assure you my father's mane doesn't do that.”

“He probably just don't wash it right. Trust me, Big Mac’s mane does that if he grows it out and keeps it clean.”

Rainbow cleared her throat and opened her wings to take off, spouting the first excuse to leave that came to her mind. “Hey, uh, girls? I’ve got to go to the bathroom. Be right back.”

With a twitch of her wings Rainbow took to the air. There was no sense letting her friends worry about perverts on the internet. Not when she could handle this herself.

Twilight waved a hoof as Rainbow flew off. “Okay! If you use the ones at the camp check-in, can you get me some cranberry juice?”

“Sure,” Rainbow agreed as she flew off into the forest.

Rainbow found flying through the darkened forest much more difficult than it had been before. She was still able to wing her way through the trees without incident, but at a much slower pace. Far too much of her attention had to go into avoiding trees, making tracking Pandora through the woods from the air impossible.

After nearly ten minutes of searching through the trees for any sign of the long-maned stallion, Rainbow sighed, pulled up, and rose above the treeline. She hovered in place long enough to get a good look at her surroundings, easily spotting the nearby firetower perched atop one of the massive trees to the south east.

The tower was fairly simple. Little more than a box with windows all around it perched at the very top of a spindly platform built on one of the taller trees in the forest. A warm light glowed in its wrap-around windows, and Rainbow’s pegasus eyes could make out the shape of a pony-sized object moving inside.

Huh. So he’s quiet and fast, Rainbow observed, as she turned and flew towards the distant tower.

It took Rainbow no time at all to cross the open skies to the tower. As she drew near she could see Pan was inside, seated in front of a rather large and old-looking radio set. The stallion had discarded his uniform for a black hoodie which was a few shades lighter than the black of his mane.

Three things crossed Rainbow’s mind. First, his mane was so long he should cut or braid it. There was no way he didn’t sometimes get it caught on things. Second, Pan was clearly one of those weird ponies who preferred to dress at all times. Third, his cutie mark suddenly made sense. The other park rangers had little belt-clip radios. Pan worked the base station. That had to be his talent.

Rainbow landed on the tower’s staircase and walked up to the deck. While she was okay with confronting Pan over his art, she didn’t want to spook the poor stallion like he had spooked her before.

Despite making a good bit of noise by walking up the last few steps and crossing the tower’s deck, Pan didn’t look up as Rainbow approached. His attention was fully fixed on his radio. Rainbow frowned, worried he might be paying attention to some sort of emergency, and decided to stop and wait by the tower’s open door.

As she stood watching, Pan sighed and rocked in his seat slightly, mumbling to himself.

“Come on… The lag is bad enough; it’s even worse when you have to do something.”

Rainbow tilted her head to one side, slightly confused. A moment later a female-sounding voice speaking heavily-accented, somewhat broken Equish crackled over the radio. “Okay, it’s all good to go. Give me the coordinates.”

Pan’s ears perked up. He reached over and took hold of his tape recorder, and plugged its headphones jack into his radio with an aux cable. “I had her record it so I wouldn’t forget. Standby for transmission.”

Rainbow’s brow furrowed in confusion as Pan played back the tape of Twilight into the radio. Forgetting about waiting politely, Rainbow trotted up to the door and knocked on the frame.

Pan jumped, knocking over his chair with a frightened yelp. He turned around, eyes wide with fear for a moment before he saw Rainbow and let out a deep breath, reaching up to his chest to grab at his heart.


Rainbow’s wings flared as she worried she may have given the poor stallion a heart attack. Fortunately, Pan calmed down quickly.

“Thank Celestia! I thought you were another bear!” He said with a shaky smile. “I uh, I don’t normally do stuff for campers. I can make an exception for you girls, obviously. But um, the ranger station will be better equipped to handle—”

Rainbow shook her head stiffly, not taking her eyes off Pan. “No. I came here for something else. But first, what the hay are you doing?” Rainbow gestured towards Pan’s radio.

Pan frowned. “Oh. Uh, well…” He tapped his forehooves together nervously for a moment, then twisted his lips in thought. “Screw it. Why not? I’ve only got a few days left. I’m giving a friend directions so she can pick me up and I can finally stop working this dead end job in the middle of nowhere.”

Rainbow raised a skeptical eyebrow. “And she uses space things for directions?”

Pan nodded. “Yeah. It’s called XNAV. You use the x-ray pulses from pulsars and a database of those pulsars to triangulate stuff.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes as she looked over the rust-colored unicorn. “Annnnd you didn’t tell Twilight you needed these for directions, and lied, because why?” 

Pan frowned as he thought about how to best explain himself. Like most ponies, he hadn’t thought anyone would question a plausible lie. Though, to be fair, Pan had never lied enough to be any good at it. “Well, asking somepony for coordinates for your own planet is pretty weird. I didn’t think she would help if I didn’t have a plausible reason. If someone asked me for directions for an interstellar trip two years ago I would think they were insane and walk away very fast.”

Rainbow nodded slowly. “Right. Okay. So—” She paused, her wings opening as she fully processed what Pan had said. “Wait, interstellar? As in space? Why the heck would they need to know where the planet is to pick you up?”

Pan cleared his throat and bit his lip. “Well, because Penny’s not on Equus right now. At least, I’m pretty sure she’s not. She’s either in space or very, very good at roleplaying. And a tech genius.”

Rainbow tilted her head, her mouth opening slowly as she feared upsetting the crazy pony who thought he was talking to aliens. “Uh, okay… I um, you’ve been alone for a long time, haven't you?”

Pan sighed and turned his attention back to his radio. “Yes. I’ve been on my own for years. But I’m not crazy. She’s a real person, and she talked me through building what seems like alien technology. That actually works. Hold on, her reply should be here in a second or so.”

Rainbow raised a hoof to protest but the radio crackled, interrupting her as the mare on the other end spoke again. “Okay, I got most of it. Can you send it again, Pan? The third coordinate didn’t come through properly. I’m not making a jump with only four pulsars; that’s how you get to pizdec.”

Pandora grabbed his microphone immediately. “No problem, sending again.” The stallion quickly rewound the tape recorder and hit play one more time.

Rainbow cleared her throat and rolled her lips, debating what she should do. Two seconds passed, and she decided to leave the lonely stallion to his roleplay. “So um… I’m just going to say my piece and leave. Okay?”

Pan turned back around, a dull look in his eyes. “Go ahead. I’ve heard it all before. Might as well be called a sexual deviant one last time before I leave this stupid planet.”

Rainbow frowned and scratched the back of her head with a hoof. “Uh, that’s not—I mean, kind of, but… Look, I know Fluttershy bought it from you. She’s the reason there’s porn of me out there. But I don’t appreciate anypony drawing porn of me without my permission. Understand?”

Pan blinked, then snorted, a smile spreading across his face. He shook his head slowly and gave Rainbow a reassuring smile “Heh, first off while I used to draw porn, I never drew real ponies. Second, Fluttershy commissioned a safe for work drawing from me. The picture in question is um, well it’s the six of you cuddled up on a bed. Yeah, the pose kinda implies sexytimes were had, but like, there’s no sexual acts happening. It’s just cuddles.”

Pan blushed a bright red and looked away from Rainbow. “And uh… well, you’re all herms in the picture sooo, yeah… there’s that. But it’s not sexual, I swear!”

Rainbow blinked twice. “Really?”

“Yeah....”

Rainbow pursed her lips and shook her head back and forth for a second. “Huh… She wanted us cuddling, but like, we all have dicks?”

Pan nodded slowly, a worried wince overtaking his face. “Yes. I’m best known for futa artwork,” Pan trailed off, looking up at Rainbow, expecting her to glare at him or otherwise voice her instant dislike of him.

Rainbow shrugged with her wings. “Cool. I’m not into that… but hey, whatever floats your boat. Also Shy’s, I guess.”

Pan’s face slowly brightened. His eyes lit up with genuine delight. “You don’t hate me for liking that?”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Wait, is that what you meant by deviant? I thought you meant you were gay.”

Pan shook his head. “No, I like mares. I see herms as mares with extras. It’s a neat concept; I like it. Heck, I wouldn’t mind being one sometime. I know there’s potions that can transform you like that, but I never found anyone who sold them… That’s not the point though. The point is that I am a kinda effeminate stallion who likes clothes, draws porn that’s not “straight” in other’s eyes, and, yeah… I got a lot of hate for that.”

Rainbow frowned, and turned to the side, looking past Pan towards her campsite. “Hey, well… I’m sorry you were around ponies who were like that. I also don't care that you used to draw smut, or even if you still do. Just don't draw me, or my friends, okay?”

Pan nodded twice. “Don’t worry. I can’t draw anyways. I’ve only just started to regain my telekinesis. Also, I have a policy. I figured drawing real people is how you get beat up,” Pan spun back around in his chair with a shrug.

Rainbow frowned, her eyes narrowing with suspicion and sympathetic anger. “Beaten up? I don’t think many ponies would do that to you for drawing smut. I mean, if they were a family member sure but—”


Pan held up a hoof, prompting Rainbow to stop talking. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “This might be the last conversation that I’ll have with another pony. Like, ever. I’m not planning on coming back if Penny picks me up. So yeah, I’m going to be open about things. I’ve got a few complaints.”

Rainbow nodded slowly, still not certain if Pan was a bit crazy due to isolation. “About what?”

“Life,” Pan sighed. “How it goes for different people. Ponies like you have a great time here. Equestria is for you because it was made by ponies like you. That’s fine. I think everyone should have a place they can be themselves... but not everypony thinks that. They say they do, but they don’t, really.”

Rainbow frowned, her eyes narrowing in response to Pan’s choice of words. “What do you mean, ‘ponies like me’?”

Pan blinked. “Oh! Nothing bad. I uh, I just assume you don’t find sex interesting and think of it more as a game to play with people you like. Friends, lovers, you know. To me, it’s a hobby.”

Rainbow’s cheeks flushed as she imagined slipping into bed alongside Twilight. “Uhhh, yeaaah… it's definitely romantic to me.”

Pan nodded politely. “Right, that’s what I meant by ponies like you. For those like me, well, we’re outnumbered by you guys. Which would be fine, if all of you were okay with us existing on the fringes of your society. Most of you are, but some people are… evil. Some people see a weird little stallion who likes to draw fetish art because he likes it and then jump him late at night, then take out a saw to make sure he won't draw any more of it.”

Rainbow recoiled her eyes shrinking to pinpricks. “Wait, what?! That’s why you lost your horn? Because you draw porn? What the actual buck?”

Pan nodded slowly, then turned around, facing away from Dash. “Yeah... a bunch of stallions beat me up, then cut off my horn because I like drawing porn, and one of my close friends told them about that. And also one of my personal fantasies…”

Rainbow snorted angrily and grit her teeth. “That’s just—Ugh! That’s completely against every last principle we have!”

Pan sighed and sat down in the chair in front of his radio. “Mmmmhmm. It is. But it happened. I heard about stuff like this happening to others, too. Not as bad as me. But yeah. I’m not welcome here. I’m too different. A deviant. So I’m done. This place isn’t for me. But that’s fine. It turns out there are a lot of places out there waiting for somepony to set hoof on them, and I’ve got a ticket out of here.”

Rainbow felt compelled to give the poor stallion a hug. She’d heard that more extreme conservatives could get violent, but as far as she knew, nopony had ever been badly hurt. I guess I should read the news more… I know that Princess Celestia wouldn’t want things like this to happen. She has to just not know some ponies take her message too far.

“I—I’m sorry,” Rainbow said, her ears drooping down as she looked into Pan’s eyes. “That shouldn’t have happened to you. Ever. I’m not like them. I’d have stopped them.”

Pan shrugged again. “Yeah, you would. Too bad you didn’t…” Pan eeped, his eyes flying open wide. “Oh! Uh, not that I blame you. This was years ago. You weren't a hero or anything yet. I blame the campus cops.”

Rainbow smiled. “Hey, it’s cool.”

Pan sighed and slumped in his seat. “Maybe I shouldn’t have opened up… This is hard. Look, I just… I hate this place. Not just Equestria, but Equus itself. I had friends all over the world. Everywhere is like this, not just here. But up there? Penny tells me it’s different. The galaxy is so huge and diverse, that there’s literally the perfect place for everyone out there somewhere. You just need to find it.”

Rainbow tilted her head and grimaced. “Uh, look, let’s say you can leave the planet. Isn’t there like, a billion planets out there? It seems like you’ll die before you find it.”

Pan winked at Rainbow. “Alien technology. Life extension. From what I hear, a decade of youth costs about a month's pay for the average worker. I get a job somewhere and I can live as long as I want to. Yeah, maybe where I’ll wind up is like here, but once I’m up there, I can always go somewhere else.

“I can find a place where it’s okay for a colt to like filly stuff and colt stuff at the same time. Where I can dress how I want to, and just be an adorable guy who likes clothes because they make you look cuter, and draws kinky stuff for people who like it. Where that’s at least accepted, instead of disapproved of. You know, home.”

Rainbow nodded slowly. “You like to look cute, too? Yeah, that would tick some ponies off… It’s stupid, but, yeah.”

Pan sighed. “Yeah, but only for fashion’s sake. My dad caught me wearing socks once and got pissed. Real pissed. That messed with me… It's weird how we just decided mares get to be cute, and stallions don’t. Well, usually don’t. Hoodies are awesome! But yeah... it’s all meant to be accessories for looking nice. But I can’t look nice here. Because hypocrites will hate it and might hurt me again.”

Rainbow nodded, surprised to find herself in complete agreement. “Yeah! That is a little weird, isn’t it? I never thought of it, but you’re right. Mares in clothes do look nicer most of the time.”

With how much Pan had opened up to her, Rainbow felt compelled to share a bit about herself to even the conversation out. “You know, my dad had some issues with my own likes growing up. too. I uh, I like mares. Stallions too. Yeah that’s more accepted now, but it wasn't when I was little. I never told him about that, but he knows. I think he doesn't like it, but he never said anything. I know he knows though.

“But he did get real mad at me sometimes. For doing things that fillies aren't supposed to, I mean. He didn’t like it when I went off to explore places on my own. Even after I showed him I could handle myself if something dangerous happened. I can understand some of what you’re saying.”

Pan frowned, and his eyes held a look of genuine sympathy. “Then you do understand a little. Good. I’m glad you have friends. I never felt like I didn’t want to live on this planet until I didn’t have any friends…”

As if on cue, Penny’s voice came over the radio again. “Opa! There it is. I’ve got your system up on the astrometrics system and— Chert voz'mi! Either your sun is drunk, or my sensors are pizdec.”


Pan lifted his mic to his mouth while raising an eyebrow. “Uh, what do you see it doing?”

Pan lowered his mic and looked over to Rainbow. “You work with the princess. If she fought something big she would move the sun to help her, right?”

Rainbow nodded slowly. “I think so? I um, we’re just like on retainer as heros. I don’t work with the princess directly or daily or anything like that.”

Pan blinked. “Oh! Uh, well… we’ll just have to wait for Penny to tell us what it’s—”

“You don’t have to wait for anything, comrade,” Penny laughed. “Astrometrics uses tiny wormhole for real-time long-distance viewing. I routed our call through it. Who is with you?”

Pan sputtered and fumbled with his mic. “How long could you have done this for?!”

“I can only do it while in the neighborhood, Pan. Astrometrics has a three parsec range and burns a lot of fuel. It’s only supposed to be used for targeting jumps you don't have nav-data for. I can keep the scan running for three minutes before we won't be able to make it back to civilization after I pick you up. Who is with you? Someone else want a ride?”

Pan looked over to Rainbow with a curious expression. “Do you?”

Rainbow shook her head. “No. I’m just somepony whose camping out here and was asking the park ranger a question. That’s all. I uh, I’ll leave you two to it. After we learn what’s up with the sun.”

“Right. That. Is your planet supposed to be orbiting the dead core of a black dwarf, while having a tiny yellow dwarf orbiting your planet along with a huge moon?”

Pan and Rainbow shared a confused look. Pan nodded. “Uh, yeah. That’s what suns do.”

An exasperated sigh came from the radio. “Oi, blin…”

A look of surprise overtook both Rainbow and Pan’s face. Whatever Penny’s oath translated as, its meaning was clear. She was beyond shocked to see a perfectly normal sun doing what suns do.

“Pan, that is not what suns do. Your planet’s got First Race stamped all over it. I knew poking into the K3 Sector would be weird… Are there any artificial objects in orbit, or in your system? We could sell scans of First Race tech for millions of credits.”

Pan frowned into his microphone. “Sooo, most stars don’t orbit planets?”

“Nyet.”

Rainbow looked over at Pan and frowned. “What language is she speaking sometimes?”

“She calls it Chernin. Nyet means no.”

Rainbow felt a filly-like glee well up in her heart. Whatever this roleplay Pan and Penny were up to was meant to be to them, it lit the same flames in Rainbow’s heart that good comic books once had. The urge to explore the unknown slowly began to poke at Rainbow’s conscious mind, compelling her to stay a while longer.

At least long enough for her to ask, “What do most stars do then?”

“They are normally huge fusion reactions bigger than any planet you've ever seen, and your planet orbits it,” Penny said as the sound of clicking keys came over the connection.

The clicking sounded remarkably like hooves typing at a keyboard, only a good five times faster. As if five ponies were typing together almost at the same time.

Rainbow nodded, impressed. “Colt, she can type real good, can’t she?”

Pan shrugged. “Eh, she has hands, and fingers. Makes that easier.”

Rainbow hummed. “Oh, like a minotaur? I guess they would have an easier time typing, wouldn’t they?”

The radio crackled. “Opa! We have tech in your system. Munnar orbit, geosynchronous, on the darkside… Huh. That’s where you'd be if you didn’t want locals to spot you. What is this thing?”

Pan tilted his head slightly. “Wait, will we really be able to sell data for millions?”

“Easily! The last piece of First Race tech sold for eighty two million credits, and it was just a data-storage format. This is big. Maybe it’s a generator for your ‘sun’, or—” Penny squeaked, terrified by whatever she found. “Suka blyad! Hokay, that’s a Nova Wing cruiser. Pan! I am making the jump now. Those are pirates. They deal in primitive slaves on occasion. Keep your head down for… six days. Your time, not mine.”

Pan’s eyes opened wide. “Wait, pirates, what?!”

The radio crackled as Penny diverted some of her ship’s power to begin charging up the surf drive. “Remember that pistol I talked you through building? Keep it on you. Nova won’t field proper armor to kidnap primitives. It should punch through. Keep your head down, and stop broadcasting! I’ll call you when I’m ready to pick you up.”

The radio hissed and went dead as Penny switched off her astrometrics scanner. Pan stared into his mic, ears perked, eyes wide, terror oozing from every pore.

Rainbow smiled. “Space pirates… That would be fun.”

Pan sputtered and shook himself before looking at Rainbow. “This isn’t a game! There’s a starship up there full of pirates who are here to enslave people. Unless they decide to take Applewood, it’s not a good thing.”

Rainbow winced. “Oh! Applewood. Now your story makes perfect sense. We went over there on a mission once. Those ponies are the worst!”

Pan couldn't help but nod in solemn agreement as he stood up from his chair and walked over to a hooflocker at the end of his bed. He popped the locker open and began to dig through it. Clothing flew everywhere as Pan searched frantically for his plasma pistol.

Rainbow blushed as she saw more than a few pairs of socks, short-shorts, hoodies, and halter-tops hit the floor. “I um… Don’t wear those near a window. If Rarity sees you in those, she’ll go ballistic.”

Pan closed his eyes for a moment. “Nice to know that one of my heros is one of them.”

Rainbow shook her head. “N—no! She’s big into fashion. She’d probably force you into a dress… I uh, I’m going to go. I get the feeling I’m interrupting um... warmup roleplay. Yeah...”

Pan shivered. A dress would be too much for him, but now was not the time to worry about fashionistas not understanding one’s preferences. It was time to worry about them being hurt, or worse...

“You do that,” Pan said as he finally found the weapon and picked it up. “Actually, get your friends out of here. It’s not safe.”

The plasma pistol had been the trickiest thing Pan had ever built, and he had built most of his radio equipment. Penny had designed it, lamenting the entire way over Pan’s lack of hands. The finished gun looked more like a bracer than a weapon, but with a large blister on the back from which crystals, wires, and homemade circuitry protruded.

Pan slipped the weapon in place, and with all of his will power and a few sparks of crackling, nearly-uncontrolled magic, flicked the charge switch.

Rainbow’s ears swiveled as the weapon charged with a painful hum, the crystals glowing in sequence to indicate the charge levels as blue light oozed from the crude weapon.

Rainbow’s eyes locked onto the plasma pistol as Pan unfolded the hoof-trigger and fit it into his hoof. “Woah! Is that actually a—”

Rainbows words were lost in her sharp gasp as a huge black starship shimmered into existence above the woods as its cloaking field dropped.

It was huge, blacker than black, as if a patch of the void between stars had been chipped away and carved into a long, thin, cigar-like shape. It floated in the air in the way bricks don’t, the large silver skull on the bow grinning dowards at the world as if it were staring at prey.

Black clouds oozed out of the ship’s hull, blotting out the sky around it as dull red spotlights shone down into the trees as the shuttlecraft searched for the lifeforms who had been transmitting a signal to the system’s relay. The transmission had ceased, but it had been coming from someplace around here. Somewhere, there was intelligent life, and this region was very much isolated and remote. There was nowhere for that life to run, nowhere for it to hide, and most importantly, that life’s family would assume it had merely gotten lost in the woods.

Rainbow turned to look at Pan. “My friends are down there! We have to do something.”

Pan bit his lip. He didn’t want to stick his neck out for a pony ever again. Not after what that pony had done to him last time. But, it wasn’t that pony in danger. These mares had saved the world.

Pan nodded and stepped past Rainbow, moving through the door. “I’ll do what I can.”

The hovering starship’s searchlights stopped moving. The bioscanners attached to the red lights had located five highly-evolved mammals on the forest floor. The ship rolled slightly, angling a small pod on the bottom of the ship towards the stern to face a clearing in the woods.

Rainbow did some mental math. Her eyes opened wide. “No!”

The pods were pointed at the clearing her friends were in.

Rainbow jumped back through the doorway, snapped her wings open, and took off. She twisted midair, aiming a shallow dive towards the clearing. If I can get there before the ship does something, I can move everypony out of the way in a few sec— 

A beam of dull purple light shot from the pod, followed by another, then three more. The skyhooks seized hold of five ponies and everything around them, and everything fell up in the beam.

Rainbow grit her teeth and beat her wings as hard as she could. The purple beams of light were so close she could see her friends falling up into the sky, along with leaves, sticks, camp chairs, and even her tent. Rainbow had no plan of what to do to get them out of the beam’s gravity-reversing grip, but she had to do something or— 

The starship’s capture pod registered the arrival and incapacitation of the targeted biosignatures. The beams shut off. The ship shuddered in the air, its hull groaning as it turned skywards and shimmered out of existence.

It had cargo to deliver to the evaluation laboratory on the mothership. No Nova Wing crewmen ever kept their captain waiting for new business opportunities. It’s a good way to get wages garnished.

Rainbow’s heart screamed as the ship vanished from sight. All she had going for her as a hero was being fast. She hadn’t been fast enough.