When they all returned home, they unpacked the car. As soon as they finished, Luna and Chrysalis headed out for a while.
Sunset grew more nervous about their ‘talk’. Oh, please don’t give me ‘the talk’. That’s what sex Ed is for.
Celestia came back into the living room and sat on the other end of the couch but turned to look at Sunset. She herself was unsure about how to start the conversation, and she couldn’t stop thinking about how much easier it was when Celestia was just acting as Sunset’s counselor. Now though, it was obvious that’s not how they viewed each other now.
“Look, Sunset. I want to know how you really feel in your situation now.” Celestia spoke, “I can already see how your demeanor has changed since first coming to live here but I need to hear it from you.”
Sunset sighed and remained silent long enough to make silence uncomfortable, “I’ve needed someone for a long time.” She said finally, “Whether or not I could admit it, I knew. Despite popular opinion, I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to bully everyone at school. It was gradual.”
“Care to elaborate?” Celestia questioned.
She took a long, deep sigh, “I was jealous. Of the other kids I mean. They had something I never really had: a family that saw them for who they were and didn’t expect anything of them. I eventually got angry at myself, the princess and my adoptive parents. I felt like I failed them and myself, that I wasn’t good enough but also, at them for not standing by me when I needed it. I had literally no control over anything in my life. So, I took control of life at school. Then it turned to revenge and that lead to what happened at the formal.”
“I wish I had seen it.” Celestia said, “I could have stepped in a lot sooner.”
“How?” Sunset questioned, “No one knew about my situation until the formal. You were like everyone else in thinking I had parents and an actual home.”
“Yes, but all the times you gave an excuse as to why your parents could not come to the school…” She sighed, “Well, I should have known better.”
Sunset leaned back in her seat, “I’m just glad you found out when you did. I wasn’t in a good place after the formal and you were there for me the entire time. No matter how difficult I was to reason with.”
Celestia laughed, “Yes, I suppose you were but it the end, you seemed to warm up to the idea.”
Sunset smiled softly, “That’s because I realized how much I need you there. I couldn’t have gotten through that on my own, I know that now.” She paused for a moment, deciding on what she was going to say next, “You were just my Principal and you helped me so much, even when you found out where I’m really from and what I actually am. Then, you decided to take me in and I didn’t know how to feel.”
Celestia watched Sunset. She couldn’t figure out what she was feeling. Sunset seemed to want to say something but had conflicted feelings about it.
“I can’t even begin to tell you how much everything you’ve done means to me.” Sunset continued, “It wasn’t until these past few weeks that I realized how much I needed…” She trailed off and bit her lip, unsure of her words.
“A family?” Celestia offered.
Sunset nodded and gave her a small smirk, “Yeah.” She glanced at Celestia the averted her eyes, not willing to continue.
Celestia looked at Sunset, studying the younger girl. It seemed that she had something else she wanted to say but wasn’t willing to disclose the information; not yet.
Her heart swelled slightly at the small, conflicted frown on her face, With her background, I doubt she’s been able to get attached to someone like she has with Luna and I. True, it was a sad thought but it seemed to be how Sunset’s life had played out up to this point.
They both remained silent for a long while, listening to the clock tick as the seconds passed. Sunset wanted to say it, she really did. She’d wanted to tell Celestia what she really thought of her and every day that feeling grew. It was getting difficult to bear, keeping it locked inside. She’d even let it slip earlier in the month but that was all it was, a slip of the tongue.
Sunset grit her teeth as tears started to roll down her cheeks out of frustration, I can’t. She gripped her jacket that sat over her heart, But I want to.
Celestia wanted to say something but she had no idea what to tell her. Sunset looked like she was in actual physical pain over a battle she was having in her head. So, she did the only thing she could think of: she sat silently rubbing circles in her back.
“Sorry.” Sunset said, “I just…you…”
Celestia looked curiously at Sunset, “Honey,” She said, moving the hair out of Sunset’s face, “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready. I’m not going to force you.”
“But I need to say this!” Sunset shouted suddenly, “I should have that day we went to the mall and that breakdown I had in my room! It’s been the same thing that’s been forcing me to evaluate myself over, and over again! I’m trying, I’m really trying to be better but there are things that I might not ever be able to forgive myself for.” Tears stung at her eyes, “I constantly tell myself that I’m not good enough and that I still deserve to be punished for what I’ve done. Some part of me wishes I had died in that hole like the other kids said. At least then…” She took a shaky breath, “At least then everyone could have been happier and gotten on with their lives instead of making me wish that I hadn’t.”
“Sunset Shimmer.” Celestia said sternly. Something about what the younger girl had said struck what only could be described as a ‘maternal nerve’. “Don’t you ever let me hear you saying that you wished you had die that day. I’ve told you before, you do deserve to be here and have friends and every other good thing that has and will happen to you. You have worked so hard to make amends.” Celestia’s eyes softened, “You are growing into such a strong young woman, Sunset. I am grateful that you came into our lives. Sometimes I don’t think I deserve you.”
Sunset couldn’t help but burry her head in Celestia’s shoulder. Even Celestia could feel the tears on her face
At that moment, Celestia wanted to say what everyone has been bugging her to say to Sunset but, she didn’t know how the young girl would take it.
Sunset bit her lip, I keep thinking that she might, but she’s not the princess, she won’t turn her back on me.
The younger girl sat up, looking away from Celestia, “I…In Equestria, I was surrounded by ponies who always expected something of me and/or isolated me. You were the first to try to remove that collar and just wanted me to happy. It’s what I had always wished I could have. I was suffocating.” A lone tear escaped Sunset’s eyes as she brought her knees up to her chest and stared at her feet, “You…you are the closest thing that I ever had to a mom and I couldn’t have been more terrified to admit that to you. It’s been eating me up all month.”
When there was no response, all Sunset felt was fear and dread. Well, that was until she glanced at the older woman and saw tears in her eyes and a pale hand covering her mouth.
Sunset raised an eyebrow, “Celestia, are you OK? I’m sorry.”
Celestia snorted a bit at the younger girl’s concern, even more so at the fact she thought it was her fault, “You, Sunset, are a wonder beyond the stars.”
Sunset’s red puffy eyes studied Celestia, then, without thinking, gave her a hug, “I-is it ok that…I see you that way?”
Celestia squeezed her close, “It is absolutely OK, Sunset.” She kissed the top of the young girl’s head, “But you must know, you have been my child since before you even stepped into this house.”
Sitting there on the couch, arms wrapped around the teen’s shoulders in silent tears, Celestia could almost feel Sunset’s relief and even joy. It was the girl she took in when she was broken and needed a home. The girl who had seemingly changed overnight and came from a world filled with literal magic. She was unbelievably smart and could have a wonderful future ahead of her.
“Do you really think that?” Sunset asked.
“Of course, I do, Sunset.” Celestia assured her, “That day of the earthquake, seeing those people dig you out of the rubble, I felt like I had lost a part of myself. It was then I definitively realized you were my child and when I learned that you were going to be OK, I swore to myself to protect you as if I had you myself.”
Sunset felt as if she had a weight lifted off her shoulders, “I’m really glad you took a chance on me after the formal. If you hadn’t, I would have definitely been put into the system and aged out.” She smiled, “I never would have found out what it was like to be a part of a family.”
Celestia chuckled, “And I would never have figured out what it was like to be worrying about you all the time.”
All tears now long gone, Sunset laughed, “No one said raising a teenager would be easy.”
Celestia nodded, “No one ever said it wasn’t worth it.”
Sunset smiled then let out a sigh, “I feel a lot better than I did an hour ago.” Her stomach growled, “I’m also a lot hungrier.”
Celestia chuckled and they ordered Chinese food and watched a movie until Luna and Chrysalis returned. The rest of the evening was spent watching movies and talking until Luna and Chrysalis returned.