//------------------------------// // 16. The Fall // Story: The Guardian // by Alexshy //------------------------------// “…There are ten gates on that dam, I mean, lower gates, of course. We examined the construction and it appears that we can effectively build generators at six of them, leaving four more free for emergency overflow and… Are you listening?!” “Yeah,” Alex seemed to be stunned by the view of Ponyville dam, but forcedly took his eyes off and turned to the pony engineer in the CSC marked helmet, who touched him on the sleeve lightly. “Surely, I am. Six gates with generators and s four more – free,” he confirmed that he followed the thread, despite the distraction could be easily justified. The one thing was to hear and know about that dam, but standing near the spillway at the lower bed was totally another story. Alex knew that he had no faintest wish to estimate the view from the upper edge. ‘No way! Even Luna and Fluttershy both can’t lure me there!’ The Sun was rising behind his back and highlighted an image worthy of some tourist post-card, but looking up at the 150-foot wall Alex wasn’t sure, if he could be the one to buy it. The terrain went uphill subtly from the railroad, reaching that place, where a curious observer could have a perfect view of both the station and Ponyville below. Here it suddenly formed a fold, turning into a high plateau, cut by the river bed. Or maybe those were the foothills already; Alex only knew that some mountains were in that direction, including the one with the cave, where the girls drove away a sleeping dragon from, saving Ponyville from the choking cloud of smoke. The road reached the lower post, the nondescript grey building, used by dam technicians to monitor water level and control the lower basin, then made a sharp turn and snaked uphill to the upper post and the dam itself, supposedly going further north, along the river. There was another way to the dam as well – the stairwell cut in the solid rock, leading from the lower post to the upper edge of the construction, if anypony was willing to climb the stairs approximately of twenty floors height… “We decided to place the first generator at the third gate, counting from the right,” continued the engineer, finally gaining Alex’s attention. “Thus the pressure would be supposedly enough to effectively spin it.” “The upper bed is not that deep,” elaborated he, watching Alex bemusement from the dam scale. “Actually, there was a waterfall here… long before the dam was built and the river used to noticeably flood the railways and old Ponyville each Spring… and sometimes in Autumn, after heavy rains in the mountains, bringing much inconvenience.” “The upper bed is slightly deeper than the lower one, but the river is squeezed between the cliffs and water levels can fluctuate noticeably. Thus we have two levels of gates on the dam, with upper being purely the emergency one,” the stallion cocked his head, throwing a glance at the upper gates sparkling in the sunlight, and held his helmet. “We cut the flow with the four of regularly used shutters, so the works can be performed safely. The water raised slightly, but it’s nothing to worry about.” Alex nodded; despite the four closed gates, the noise of falling water was so strong, even where they stood, they were to almost shout to hear each other normally. Falling from the lower level, thus 120-foot height, the water turned the lower basin into the boiling pot, hitting rocks and the dam wall itself and filling the air with foam and spray. The considerable amount of water didn’t even reach the bottom, blown away as a fine mist, which covered everything with a thin grey veil and reached them, settling down on the faces and bringing the distinct smell of the river. The lower basin was practically a small lake, limited by the wide grey concrete wall of the dam and two high cliffs, as both river sides here were rock, and nothing but rock, dark, glistening from the falling water and mist, and awfully slippery. Nothing could hold on those stones, flushed down by the artificial waterfall; although, much higher, starting from halfway up on both sides a few crooked trees fought desperately for their place under the Sun. The latter was plentiful here, so was water, naturally, but the scantiness of the soil made their task non-trivial at the very least. Alex and earth pony engineer stood at the lower bank, almost at the exit of the dam basin, yet each look thrown at the concrete monster, squeezed between the cliffs and towering above them, made Alex shudder. Here the disturbed muddy water got onto the flatland and the river calmed down, lazily flowing to Ponyville, shimmering with clear water, as the sand, small stones and other garbage eventually settled down. It was hard to believe, that was the same stream calmly rotating the Southern Mill at the town outskirts, as at the foot of Ponyville Dam the river was undoubtedly dangerous; the lower basin was definitely the place to be observed and guarded from the strangers. “Normally it’s a bit more herded here,” the stallion raised his voice. “But considering it’s Sunday today, there are only a couple of technicians on duty,” he nodded towards another earth pony, exiting the lower building and joining them, overlooking the basin with an attentive professional glance. “One on each post, monitoring the basins and gates, ready to react on any emergency.” “The dam mechanisms are very reliable in general, moreover, the shutters can be easily operated by a single technician,” elaborated the Canterlot Steam Company specialist. “It won’t be excessive to say that the company took part in building the machinery, which needs only a single pony force to move the shutters and regulate the flow. So, we are rightfully proud with that achievement and adding more advantages…” “When do we expect the big herd?” interrupted him the dam worker, whose professional interest was in letting nopony into the dangerous areas. “Well, we already mounted the crane and part of the frame,” the engineer frowned slightly. “I think we start the next week… right after the additional safety railing is mounted at the catwalks.” “Additional safety never hurts indeed!” Alex threw another glance at the dam and swallowed a lump. The lower gates row looked like a grumpy narrow mouth, spilling the water from the one side and showing dark teeth from another. The crane and the rest of metalwork, placed in the middle of “dry” sector, looked like some toys from here; metal beams, glowing in the sunlight, seemed not thicker than the sewing needles. Suddenly Alex stiffened. ‘Something is not right!’ His glance scanned the lower gates and catwalks intently, unable to spot the source of his anxiety yet. Listening to his feeling, Alex disliked it more an more with each second… ‘What if… It can’t be!..’ The distant thin high-pitch and undoubtedly girly scream pierced the air and reached their ears, making everypony twitch. “Thou said, thither was only a technician…” feeling the creeps down his spine, Alex turned to the engineer. “The voice didn’t sound as an adult mare…” He already knew, what that feeling of him was, and inwardly beseeched to being mistaken, realizing, there was no chance of a mistake. “Oh, Celestia!” the dam worker’s olive muzzle turned grey, eyes widened. “Staunch Flume brought his daughter today…” he forcedly swallowed. “He wanted to show her the workplace. I-it’s… it’s not the common practice, b-but she is a big filly and Staunch Flume knows his job… so… nopony objected. They must be at the upper post or the gallery,” he squinted, downcasting. “The gallery where the gates mechanisms and workshops are,” elaborated the engineer, catching Alex’s mad glance. “It goes along the whole dam and has exits to catwalks. The same on the upper level.” “Merlin’s pants!” hissed Alex, squeezing his temples with the palms, as if trying to drag that nightmare out of his head, chills along his spine became almost painful. “Thou!” he pointed at the dam worker, straightening at once and shaking his head. “Stay hither and let nopony in. At least until some guards arrive!” “Now,” Alex turned to another stallion. “Please, takest the road to the station fast, ask them to relay to Twilight that she, the guards… mayhap even Celestia, are needed at the dam immediately. If ‘t be true thou seest any pegasus on thy road, yell them down and ask to relay the message… same with unicorns.” “Yes, it’s that gravely important!” confirmed he, looking into engineer’s eyes fixedly. “I’m sure arrant, thither is one of those creatures, everypony was warned about recently.” The stallion shortly nodded and rushed downhill, giving no attention to his helmet, which fell and rolled on the ground. “Ohhhh!” groaned Alex, having a nasty gut feeling about all that, he dashed past the worker to the post door. “Better the stairs, than the road up the cliffs!” * “Please, sunny, stay here and don’t touch anything,” father’s warning was perhaps excessive, as the filly was noticeably intimidated by the scale of the rooms and mechanisms around. The filly quietly nodded and prepared to wait for her father, interestedly observing the arched length of the so-called gallery with numerous doors to the mechanisms, she was promised to see, and the exits to the dam face, she wasn’t going to approach anyway, hearing the roar of water outside. Staunch Flume entered the workshop, firmly knowing that his daughter wouldn’t do anything stupid; she was a smart and obedient filly, despite reaching her teen. He taught her well the difference between some casual mischief and the seriousness of obvious dangers. “Now… Where it is?” the stallion sorted out the tools on the workbench, looking for something specific. Yesterday he noticed that the lever at the fourth gate mechanism had some backlash, becoming noticeably loose and calling for large force to turn the gears. As it was late in the evening, Staunch Flume decided to tighten it, when the light would be naturally brighter, thus this morning. He could show his daughter, how the gate propulsion mechanism worked as well. “Aha. Come here!” he picked a large wrench with his mouth, when the loud panicking scream from the gallery almost made him drop the heavy tool. Staunch was to spit it away on the floor with loud metal clang anyway, as he was almost knocked from hooves by the filly, who darted inside, slamming the door shut, trembling, and snuggled to her father with all the strength she had. Being able to take his breath finally, he was immensely happy to see her safe and sound. “Hush, hush, dear, what’s up?” he hugged her by the shoulders and nuzzled her forehead, inwardly guessing which disaster he was to deal with in a moment; he was to calm the filly first and listen to her. “Dad, please, hurry…” panted the filly, when she could catch her breath. “I saw the monster far in the… corridor! We need to get out of here now!” “A monster in the gallery?” the stallion sported a bewildered and slightly sceptic look. “Are you sure, sunny? It’s dark there, I admit…” “Dad, it was there! Big… and black and scary,” the girl gabbled fast, but quietly. “It had no head… and it had… those… tendrils!” Staunch Flume stiffened: the mere look of his daughter told that she saw something and truly believed it wasn’t simply imagination, besides, the description sounded nastily familiar. “I saw that announcement letter, daddy!” whimpered the girl. “It’s one of those creatures, princesses warned about…” The sound of quiet, but very distinctive hoofstep outside, confirmed her words better than any explanation. Somepony… something large and heavy definitely was in the gallery. Taking another look at his pale and shaking filly, the technician decided to err on the side of caution. Thankfully, there was an unsophisticated hiding place in that workshop. “Here,” he nudged her lightly towards the small closet with a metal door and a through lock, following her and accidentally kicking the wrench, which noisily slid away on the floor. More determined hoofsteps sounded from the gallery, something headed in their direction. With jet-like speed Staunch Flume pushed his daughter into the closet and squeezed there himself, closing the door. The lock clicked, the stallion fiddled with his tool-belt, taking out a long screwdriver and shoving it in the handle hole, blocking the lock from their side. ‘It better be somepony’s idiotic joke! I’ll personally whip the ass throwing that trick!’ Both ponies, the adult stallion and the filly, froze listening. The hoofsteps quickly reached the workshop and stopped behind the door; by the sound one could guess, they belonged to a creature considerably bigger than an average pony, and […] started to doubt the idea of it being somepony’s joke. Whoever was there, lingered for a few seconds, stomping hesitantly, then the large workshop door opened slowly, screeching seemingly on the mere souls of hiding ponies. “Step-stop!” something got in, rustling and quietly moving along the room; the loud sound of the table, pushed by the large body, almost made them jump. Staunch carefully cupped daughter’s mouth with his fore hoof to prevent accidental scream. The sudden feel of despair and chilling fear made his coat stand; his heart ached at the view of his little princess’ painfully dilated eyes – she must have suffered the same inexplicable terror. ‘Celestia! That’s not a joke…’ “Step-stop!” Maybe it was their imagination or the noise of blood rushing in their ears, but they vividly imagined something dark and dangerous, “sniffing” the door of their closet. The large hoof, or whatever the monster had, screeched on the metal door and made their hearts skip a beat. Then something bumped the door, not very hard, simply trying it; thankfully the closet opened outside. Another bump! A thin stripe of the Dark Mist licked the narrow gap below, showing its edge inside and making both ponies wince away from the door, deeper into the small closet. The stallion supported his nearly fainting daughter, still holding her mouth shut, squinting from the becoming unbearable ringing in his ears and doing his best to grit his own teeth, not to neigh from the hammering terror. Lazily bumping the door once more their tormentor turned and heavily trotted away, out to the gallery. Panic and despair started releasing them little by little and, as soon as he could hear something except the ringing and his own blood rush, Staunch Flume turned all ears. Their lives or at least sanity, judging by what he heard in the announcement, depended on that. “Now…” he felt, how his knees suddenly shook and large drips of cold sweat ran down his neck, something Staunch was unable to notice seconds before. “That… thing must be heading to the building… Probably looking for the exit. There is one more at the other end of the gallery. The grate is locked, but I have the keys. We need to get there, sunny, fast and quietly! Understood?” he released the muzzle of his filly, when she nodded convulsively, at least her eyes looked normal already. “I know, daddy… But… I can’t,” whispered she, still holding on him. “My legs are trembling…” “Oh, Celestia…” breathed out the stallion, listening at the door carefully; the heavy hoofsteps receded to the left and vanished. ‘It’s now or never!’ he yanked out the screwdriver and carefully opened a gap – the road was clear. “Now, be quiet!” the stallion tried to open the door without any screeching, but stopped, seeing the filly almost hanging on him clenching to his neck; her knees trembled indeed and she couldn’t stand straight yet, let alone run. Staunch Flume kneeled and let her get on his back, wrapping the fore legs around his neck; he could feel now, how the poor girl trembled, and closed his eyes for a second, making a deep breath. “Hold on tight, okay! Whatever happens…” the filly nodded faintly and the technician accurately exited the workshop, listening and watching the left end of dark corridor fixedly. It was empty and silent and the stallion turned away, pondering for a second. The rising Sun bathed the dam face with bright light, which flooded the catwalks and got into the gallery through openings. That, although, made the unlit parts of the pathway almost pitch black for their eyes. ‘What now? Risk and stay here, where we could be ambushed from every corner, if only I was mistaken... or get outside, where we at least can see the threat immediately.’ He made a single step, the sound, not very loud, but quite recognizable, rolled through the gallery, making the stallion decide at once. Slowly and tensely, ready to burst to gallop at every second, he reached the nearest opening and stepped on the catwalks. “Don’t look down, sunny!” he squinted from the bright sunlight, falling right into their eyes, and stopped for a moment, letting them accommodate, then turned right. A large metalwork construction partially blocked the way in a few yards distance, overshadowed by the crane – the part of supportive frame for the future generator assembly work. Staunch Flume realized his mistake, he wanted to return and quickly pass that area through the gallery safely not to climb through the frame. The noise behind his back told him, it was late; the black horse-like monster, surrounded by flowing Dark Mist, darted to the catwalks, as if it was chased by the Cerberus. The filly squeaked and snuggled deep into father’s mane not to look; catching the glimpse of the nasty creature behind Staunch remembered the warning to the letter: “…please, leave the area of the aforementioned effects immediately and notify local authorities or/and the royal guards, if present! The anomaly may be accompanied by visual manifestations in form of shadowy horse-like creatures. Be aware, these creatures are dangerous...” In a couple of leaps he reached the metalwork frame and ducked, trying to get through the construction fast but safely, remembering about his daughter behind his shoulders. It turned out to be unbelievably hard, including the wave of mind-shattering terror, which mercilessly flooded them again, making the stallion grunt and pant groping through the scaffolding. His eyesight darkened and the tinnitus-like sound in the ears became almost unbearable. The beast lingered for a second, but some sound from the gallery made it rush, stomping the catwalk heavily and making it noticeably shake. The technician panicked, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder at the approaching menace, he paced forward, his hoof got onto something round and… unattached to the rest of the frame. In a second the world around made a couple of loops; in some wild survival spasm he managed to grasp something, which got under the hooves, and firmly clench it… hanging over the gate, the spillway and the raging waters below. His heart was beating seemingly under his throat and the noise of blood in the ears could easily compete with thunder; thankfully his daughter held onto him really tight, but he could barely recognize her voice in that pleading squeak. “He-e-e-elp!!!” * “Damn all the stairs!” breathed out Alex, reaching the top. “Especially over twenty floors high!” He flew up in about ten minutes on foot and couldn’t call that feeling pleasant. His lungs seemed to be bursting, heart pounded hard and temples were “pressed in a vice”, but he could definitely feel the Seeker; fortunately a single and… (Alex wondered the clearness of that feel) startled one. He remembered about their with the blacksmith work and rolled eyes sarcastically. ‘What’s the point of even advantageous and ultra-durable armour… if when it is needed, it’s not on you all the time?!’ ‘Huh, thou mind-wrecking bastard! Thou can feel me, right?’ grinned Alex, taking his breath and pushing the door forcedly. The mess in the room behind clearly told him, the Seeker was there, maybe even a few seconds ago, and was disturbed by Alex’s proximity, rushing back upstairs and sweeping everything on its path. Alex covered a couple of stair-sections more and quickly crossed the second storey, noticing the same mess everywhere, apparently, the Seeker looked for the exit… and most likely couldn’t squeeze through the single door to the stairwell, when Alex startled it. He took a look around, the large double doors should lead exactly to the named gallery; Alex quietly opened them, peaking into the darker passageway. ‘Whither art thou, sneaky scoundrel?!’ He quietly moved along the door on the right, listening carefully, and the openings to the left, leading to the catwalks. Alex threw quick glances there as well, but tried not to fixate his attention on the outside too much – the thought about the 120-foot high wall didn’t want to release him. He passed three already, when quiet clanking from outside and some muffled squeak caught his attention; that squeak sounded horribly like a call for help! Alex dashed into the fourth opening and… froze on the spot, feeling like the platform was floating from under his feet somewhere. The walls, the catwalks, the damned scaffolding, the amazing view on the valley far away and below with rising Sun, everything doubled, maybe even tripled in his eyes. The abyss opened up under his feet, narrowing into the tunnel in his darkening view, when he threw a glance at the raging element below, through the metal grates; the noise of blood in Alex’s ears easily overshadowed the roar of the falling water. He was to grope the railing not to fall, hit by the sudden fear wave, taken by it overhead and almost flushed away, keeping some remnants of control by the mere miracle. In his blurred view Alex spotted the stallion hanging over the spillway; something, no, somepony, struggled with gravity, trying to hold onto his back, and to his terror Alex noticed the filly – that was her scream minutes before and it was her barely calling for help. A couple of yards to the left, on the catwalk, a large materialized (Alex could tell by its solid darkness) Seeker stopped and made a step back. It was too close to the technician and his daughter, Alex could only imagine, what happened in their heads. Widely open eyes of the stallion floated, he looked at Alex, seemingly not even seeing him, then… “NO!!!” bawled Alex. “DOST NOT LOOK AT IT!!! Lookest at me only!” He rushed forward, but his acrophobia violently threw him on the knees, punching him in the stomach and flooding with the sudden strike of nausea. Everything floated before Alex’s eyes. He tried to raise, fell down on the knees again, but from the corner of his eyes he could notice that the stallion heard him. At least he looked at Alex at that moment. Pleadingly, desperately, even from that distance Alex could see that in the dilated eyes of poor pony, trying to hold on the metal beam with the remnants of his strength. Alex inched forward, towards the scaffolding, crawling, hating himself for his phobia; tears and dizziness blurred his view. One foot, another, he was to lay flat and claw on the metal grate to drag himself closer; Alex couldn’t make himself stand and proceed any faster. The Seeker preferred to avoid the fight, it turned around and rushed to the gallery, Alex wasn’t going to complain about that. Perhaps its effect weakened, when the Seeker disappeared from their view, as the stallion looked no into Alex’s eyes fixedly, but the increased weight and fatigue slowly dragged him to the abyss; Alex could see how his hooves barely noticeable gave up. He tried to concentrate on those eyes only and slowly proceeded. ‘Almost thither!’ overcoming the nausea Alex squeezed a smile, laying flat on the catwalk and extending his hand towards the earth pony stallion and his filly. The eyes didn’t plea already, they simply waited, submitting to the fate, yet hoping for the last miracle to happen. The hoof was only a few inches away… But to reach it Alex was to get to the edge… and lean over!!! He had no doubt, he could lift both. No, it was another thing that troubled him! With a groan Alex squinted and grasped the platform edge, ready to drag himself in one forceful jerk… He wasn’t sure, if he had any strength for another, and he was to drag the ponies onto the platform still. The galloping sound from behind told him that the Seeker “decided” to pass its enemy through the gallery and try to look for the exit on another end of the catwalk; the dark silhouette ran outside from the next opening and turned right. Alex gave no damn about the Seeker’s plans at that moment, his fingers slid on the fore hoof, slippery from the omnipresent mist, trying to grasp the fetlock. The same mist evidently covered the catwalks above the open gates even denser: the Seeker slipped, staggered and fell heavily on the platform, making it noticeably shake under the weight of the large body. With a muffled gasp the stallion let go of the metal beam. Alex looked into his eyes for a few endless moments more, seeing, how they widened, almost in childish misunderstanding, how the filly shrank from the realization of the inevitable terror… Both ponies fell and with the thin fading scream of the girl vanished in the swirling water clouds below. “NOOOOOOO!!!” Alex fell his face down on the metal grate, he roared and sobbed, beating the catwalk with both fists, shaking… Meanwhile, the Seeker managed to rise, first unconfidently, it trotted away along the catwalk, speeding up. Alex fell silent, he squinted and forcedly pushed himself up to the knees. When he opened his eyes, darkness filled them, making impossible to distinguish the human pupils. He clenched his teeth, the left hand stumbled upon something round, cold and heavy. Alex grabbed the railing closest to the dam wall and with another jerk made himself stand, dragging the metal pipe from under the scaffolding and heavily leaning on the railing. His field of view narrowed into the thin tube aimed along the catwalk with the receding dark figure on its other end. * “Can anypony tell me clearly, what exactly happened there?” Twilight threw a fixed inquiring look at the guards, shifting from one hoof to another at the door, at Alex, whom they were to walk in and make sit on the sofa. She felt her question inevitably turning into a rhetorical one, as the guard could see the same she did, while Alex… Alex didn’t drop a word ever since they arrived at the dam and found him near the exit grate of the maintenance catwalk. Twilight shuddered, remembering the image. “Your Highness,” started one of the guards, as the question was asked nevertheless. “There was nopony, except the human, on the dam itself… We searched both upper and lower premises, the building, the catwalks…” Alex winced slightly, but kept sitting with a deadpan look, staring at some point seemingly far-far away, maybe in Appleloosa, considering he was facing south, or maybe even farther, at the Badlands. Twilight noticed, how his fingers spontaneously squeezed some imaginary tool, or maybe it was a weapon. “…There was only one worker at the lower building.” “I know,” Twilight impatiently waved her hoof. “I asked him a few questions already. He will need to stay there, until the change arrives, then he will come to tell thoroughly, what he saw.” Twilight remembered the shocked earth pony stallion, who met them at the lower basin of the dam, and his brief inconsistent report. Due to the large distances, they all had the binoculars at their work posts and, when the human rushed up the stairs, the technician ran to grab his one, thus he was able to see the following events clearly enough. The monster didn’t actually touch anypony, neither Staunch Flume and his daughter, nor the human, as the worker told. Granted it approached close enough to affect them, if that was one of those creatures from the royal warning. The stallion was almost sure of the latter, as he managed to discern all the unpleasant details of the enemy look through his field glasses. He said that the human tried to help the technician, but… there was something strange happening to the human himself. Twilight sighed and closed her eyes for a second. ‘Yeah, I can guess, what was happening to Alex!’ The worker said that the creature retreated, when the human showed up, and went to the gallery. Apparently, to outflank the obstacle, as it ran outside again through the next, unobstructed opening. The human almost reached his colleague’s hoof, when the monster slipped and fell onto the platform, heavily shaking it, visible even through the binoculars. Staunch Flume fell from the beam from surprise or concussion of the catwalk. The rest… he didn’t see the rest… and, frankly speaking, Twilight couldn’t blame him for dropping the binoculars. It was clear for her in general, maybe some more details were necessary, but that could wait. Meanwhile, the guard continued… “Then we hardly saw more than you did, princess… (Twilight frowned) There was something… A heap… Well, it looked like a shapeless heap of flesh already, when we approached. That must have been that creature… the Seeker, or how they are called…” he swallowed a lump, feeling uncomfortable. “Strangely, there was no blood… But there was that… thing, that “mist”, coming out from the torn corpse in stripes and sheets. And he!..” the guard twitched, nodding towards Alex. “He was kneeling at the monster and simply absorbed that dark… stuff!” “He didn’t tell a word, when we helped him rise, your Highness,” added another guard. “And there was a metal pipe on the platform. I guess, that’s exactly with what…” “I saw it, thank you,” Twilight visibly shuddered. “Well, after… everything happened,” she tried to summarize, throwing a quick glance at Alex, who still didn’t change his pose. “The Seeker tried to escape, but the gate at the end of the catwalk was closed; it’s durable and high enough to jump over… And it couldn’t turn back because of you, Alex.” The human didn’t move or react to Twilight’s words, even addressing him on purpose. “Then you got up… Picked that… pipe…” Twilight inhaled deeply, suppressing the chills. “You were to walk along the whole catwalk, the six gates with falling water more underneath, to reach the Seeker and…” she gulped. Alex leaned on the backrest, gritting his teeth and squinting; trails of tears went down his face. “Oh, Celestia!” breathed out Twilight, she quickly turned to the guards. “Fine, you are dismissed for now. I suppose the princesses will ask their questions, if they have any, later.” “Aye, your Highness!” “Alex, please, talk to me!” she leaned forward, when the guards left. “There is no your fault in what happened…” He slowly shook his head, eyes still closed and watering, Twilight downcasted with a heavy sigh; suddenly something made her brighten up a little, her ears perked. “Hey! I’ve got a…” A loud sound and a flash from the kitchen, where Spike was busy with the breakfast, interrupted her and made Twilight look over her shoulder for the source of the disturbance. Spike already entered the hall, handing her a scroll; Alex hardly paid any attention. With a small shrug Twilight broke the seal and read, raising one eyebrow. ‘Hmmm… The second letter in a single morning… and that early!’ Although, with the reading her ears slowly drooped and the concerned expression touched the girl’s muzzle. “My dear apprentice Twilight Sparkle! I’ve got your message about the Seeker on Ponyville dam… and the next one about the horrible tragedy. I’m sending the search teams down the river, but… I sincerely hope that you haven’t hoofed my previous letter to Alex. If you didn’t yet, do not! Destroy that scroll instead, as it’s not the best time for that information and talk now. I shall visit you later and tell Alex personally. We had another Seeker outbreak at the North and I am to address it immediately, as contrary to yours, that one, while thankfully passing without casualties, inflicted major destruction. Henceforth I fully trust you to handle the accident at the dam, until I can attend. Please, inform me about any progress, especially about the human condition. Hopefully he’ll make it through. Princess Celestia.” Twilight’s heart skipped a beat, she knew for sure, what could be in the first letter and why it wasn’t the best time to give it to Alex. She threw a quick glance at him, watching her with a faint tint of interest. Twilight felt, she started panicking inwardly, crumpling the letter and feverishly pondering about the feasible explanation. “Princess Celestia… errmmm… was to attend an emergency,” if Alex was capable to pay his usual level of attention, he could easily see everything in her eyes and Twilight downcasted. “Another Seeker appeared at the North… Some destruction took place, no casualties though,” she noticed, how Alex exhaled. “She needs to address that case and asks me to deal with ours, until she can arrive.” She cringed at how far-fetched it sounded, but apparently, Alex was stunned enough not to think deeper into the details. “Now,” exaggeratedly cheerful Twilight trotted to Alex’s room, Spike followed her gimmick all that time silently, while Alex closed his eyes again. She rustled there for a while, moving some papers and seemingly undoing the bed, then appeared again, busily heading to the kitchen and levitating a cup. “Whatever you think of it now, Alex, you need time.” Spike followed her, hearing Twilight moving some stuff, pouring water, searching through the shelves, and entered exactly in time to notice, how she quickly took another sealed scroll from under her wing, incinerated it with the spell and pushed the ash deeper into the sink. He couldn’t help but stare at her with the raised eyebrow. Twilight intercepted his glance, while making a large cup of tea and adding several teaspoons of sugar to it, and slowly shook her head, telling with her eyes only that all the explanations could wait. “He had no breakfast, but can hardly eat anything now, and…” She pondered for a second, then poured a single drop of her sleeping potion into the cup. “Don’t look at me like that! He is in shock, Alex needs to think it through, I admit, but the last thing, Alex needs, is to overly fixate at the impressions, while they are fresh.” “And I suppose you need this!” she headed to Alex, handing him the cup. “And maybe some rest, you are truly exhausted.” Alex looked up at her and took the cup, like a clockwork doll, staring at it blindly for a few moments, then downing it whole in a few giant gulps; Twilight’s eyes dilated, she didn’t expect him to swallow the hot tea like that. Nevertheless, she leaned to him, helping him to get up. “Come on, Alex. I can’t lift you anyway!” Twilight squeezed out a small smile, trying to stir him up a bit. She walked him to the room, but instead of the sofa, Alex dropped into the armchair, as if the remnants of strength left him suddenly. “O-o-okay…” slowly breathed out Twilight. “I said that once and I will repeat. From what I heard and saw, there was no your fault in what happened. You equally could get there not in time to help. It was a tragedy, but… ” she fell silent, not knowing how to explain, and didn’t realize at once, the sound she heard was the quiet raspy whisper addressed to her. “I came in time,” Alex raised his eyes at Twilight and gave her a long desperate look. “And did nothing…” “Oh! Don’t… I don’t want to hear that!” Twilight braced herself and changed her tone to the sternest and most serious, she was capable of at that moment. “You need to have a rest and calm down, Alex. I mean that! I… I’ll notify Willsmash that you need some time for yourself. I doubt, that will drastically harm your work, besides he can make, what you ordered earlier, without your help.” In the convulsive mimics that followed Twilight was barely able to recognize the attempt to produce a faint ghost of a smile; Alex gave up and thanked her with his eyes only. “And…” Twilight started unconfidently with a tiny nose-wiggle. “I firmly believe, I should tell at least Fluttershy about… about everything. Before she heard that somewhere else in form of some wicked rumour,” concluded she quietly. Alex’s eyes glistened again, he wanted to say something grateful, but choked on air and nodded very slowly instead. * Again… The dam. The water. The vertigo-inflicting height… Somewhere deep into his subconscious Alex realized that it was a dream, despite its amazing vividness, sharpness: he could actually feel the wind on his skin and hear it whistling, the concrete under his fingers was palpable, scratchy and cold since night, Alex could feel the smell of the river, the dampness of the mist-filled air. The worse was that nightmare he saw a few times already, closer to the morning, making Alex wince each time and wake up, shivering in cold sweat in the darkness of his room. Alex slept the whole day and fell into the night, like in the bottomless well; even waking up after each nightmare, he felt an uncontrollable wish to sleep again. He guessed, that Twilight added something to his tea… and was thankful for that – he wasn’t left alone with his thoughts at least for some time, being able to sleep normally for a while. Then, as the effect of the supposed potion started to wind out, the dreams came. Alex fought the impulse to find Twilight’s sleeping potion and repeat the treatment; the first dose wasn’t yet out of his system, besides, he couldn’t spend the rest of his life under some drugs. But at that time everything was different, Alex couldn’t understand why. First, it was quite dark around, the Sun was only preparing to show into the sky, which east edge slightly glowed at the moment. Alex looked at the Ponyville Dam from above: the gates, the catwalks, falling water – everything was far under his feet. Strangely, he almost didn’t feel any fear, standing on the edge of the dam wall. The shutters below were closed and the water was coming out of the main gates, about thirty foot lower. ‘Merlin’s pants!’ Alex never was on the top of the dam wall, he didn’t even know, how to get there. ‘How the hay did you get your miserable butt here? And the main question, what for?’ He turned around, looking for a safe way to get off that dreading wall. ‘Thither must be some door or gate, I came through…’ But something kept him there, despite his fear of heights, Alex tried to understand, why he got there, be it dream or not. He carefully lay down and took a look over the edge, clinging to the concrete surface seemingly with every single cell of his body. The Sun already appeared from behind the horizon and Alex was to cover his eyes with his palm – the upper edge of the dam became brightly lit by the sunlight. The shadow quickly retreated, it’s border crawled down the wall; Alex waited, he didn’t know what for… A few minutes passed, the catwalks below and the newly built constructions got lit by the sunlight and shone brightly in the mist rising from the raging water below. Suddenly two figures appeared on the platform and Alex could glare at them and them only. One, larger, was the earth pony technician with a tool belt and familiar helmet, another, smaller – his daughter, she unconfidently clung to her father, visibly intimidated by the view, opening in front of her eyes. The helmet was too large for her, falling on her eyes and nose and making her cock her head, Alex involuntarily smiled. The stallion told her something, pointing his fore hoof to the metal frame and the crane, but Alex couldn’t hear anything because of the distance and roaring water. After a short while they returned to the gallery inside the dam wall… to exit to the catwalks from another side of the crane. But… Alex noticed that not only the catwalks, but also the gates, the falling water were lit by the rising Sun already, shimmering like a waterfall of diamonds. ‘What the… It couldn’t be… The Seeker was to be already thither!’ Alex quickly got up in a single jump, painfully scratching his hand on the concrete edge and… woke up in his room. Supposedly in his room, because it was pitch black around, Alex couldn’t see even the light ceiling. According to his perception, it was not very far in the morning, still… Suddenly he caught himself on the feeling, like being swaddled; he couldn’t move freely as something was laying on him. The darkness was warm, soft and… feathery?! And smelled of lavender! With relief Alex’s fingers felt soft velvet coat, silky mane and the cute fluffy sensitive ear almost above his nose. The ear twitched, sliding out between them. “Mmmm…” muttered Luna, waking up and nuzzling Alex’s neck, cheek and ear, as she raised her head, swaying her mane to the other side. She placed a warm kiss on his temple and Alex could finally see the ceiling and her eyes shining slightly in the early morning twilight. “Luna?” whispered Alex, running his fingers down her cheek and neck, he inhaled intermittently, calming down the racing heart. “Exactly. In pony!” she pressed her nose at his; loving sparkles glanced in her eyes. “You almost scared me, when I woke and was unable to move or see anything around.” “Oh… Apologies,” Luna moved aside a tiny bit, still wrapping her legs around him; her left wing covered him like the soft feathery blanket. “I thought, that was the moment, thou needed some love and support, mine lief. So I came hither,” she rested her head near, carefully not to poke Alex with the horn, and looked at him with concern. “But thou wast sleeping… And I decided not to wake thee… Considering… Well, I watched thee for a while and, I guess, I fell asleep likewise. The sunrise is nigh, I’ve lowered mine Moon already.” “How art thou holding, Alex?” the silver-shod hoof gently stroked Alex’s shoulder. “I found out in the evening only… and I couldn’t reach thee the whole night, thus finally decided to come hither on mine own. Thou wast… “closed” for me!” added she with obvious concern. “I slept,” simply said Alex, the memories of the recent events wiped all the light off his face. “Turned off completely. I think Twilight added some sleeping potion to mine tea… And, frankly speaking, I’m thankful for that. Because when it started winding out…” Luna downcasted with a sigh. “So, you know what happened, my princess, right?” tears start running again from Alex’s eyes, he could do nothing to stop them. “I had all the chances to save those two lives… Yet failed shamefully, all because of mine stupid phobia.” “I know,” Luna nodded slightly. “And I know, thou seest that accident in thy nightmares – I caught the glimpse of them, exactly afore coming hither. I hurried, because of that.” “I guess, at which hour Twi’s potion effect ceased, mine small inner voice took over,” Alex closed his eyes again, swallowing the lump. “I see his eyes, the eyes of that poor stallion guy, each time when I only close mine. I return to that dam, when I try to sleep. Each time differently… but I can’t change anything, even in mine dreams, Luna! At which hour I would so like to change it in reality. I simply can’t… just like I failed to help that poor stallion, despite I was his only hope.” Alex squinted. “Thou shouldn’t blame thyself arrant, Alex. Thou didst, what thou only could. That phobia, stupid or not, was a part of thee, thou can’t cut it away, like some useless rag. Would it be better, if ‘t be true thou fell likewise, forcing thyself to overcome it no matter what?” “Who knoweth?” Alex looked aside, at the slowly brightening window. “Dost not be foalish!” Luna cocked her head, sounding suddenly stern. “Thou wast the only one, who rushed to help; moreover, the only one who could really help, not becoming another victim of the Seeker. Thou did all thou could and didst it, at which hour it was necessary. Thou fought thy phobia!” “Not. Well. Enough!” rapped out Alex. “Besides, doth it matter now?” “And what alternative didst thou have?” Luna put her chin on her fore hoof, looking down at Alex fixedly. “To try saving them, which thou didst… or wait for some… pegasi, for example. But! In that case they would undoubtedly be dead anyway.” “Well… They are,” groaned Alex. “Tia sent the search teams immediately, they are still brushing the river,” Luna stroked his chest lightly. “Without the result yet, mindst that. Any result!” “I suppose thou saw that dam,” apparently Alex wasn’t that optimistic. “And speaking of alternatives, I could simply waste mine time NOT and pull them up, afore that monster fell on the platform, shaking it!” “Alex,” Luna sighed, like explaining obvious things to a stubborn foal. “And I could become Nightmare Moon not. But could I?” “What I know arrant,” she added after a moment. “Is one soul, who lived through the worst… only because she let her fears, sorrows and frustration haunt her endlessly, stuck to them, kept them to herself only.” “Hardly mine case,” Alex’s painfully grinned. “I’m a simple human, mine love. It can hardly become any worse.” “Believest me, it can,” Luna watched him fixedly. “And methinks the term “simple” isn’t arrant valid anymore.” “I would like to have thy optimism…” Alex suddenly stumbled. “Wait, strange thing befell to me tonight – the last dream I had, afore waking up with thee hither, was different,” he pondered aloud, looking for the proper explanation. “Like… like I saw the same morning, but thither was no Seeker at all. Like nothing hath befallen…” Alex told her his last dream in brief. “But that’s impossible! Didst thou…” “I know what thou art implying, Alex,” Luna’s smile was sad. “No, I didn’t change thy dreams, mine lief… Although, I would like to…” “I can take thee to Canterlot!” added she fervently. “Thus I could help thee to get rid of those nightmares. And convincing Tia is not a problem, in the earnest…” She stumbled. Watching Alex laying in her embrace, tears silently coming from his eyes, Luna flushed suddenly. “Forgivest me, mine love!” she nuzzled his head apologetically. “Thou art not a toy, which can be repaired easily. I’m sorry, Alex.” “Lu-u-u-na,” he wrapped his arms around her neck, rubbing his temple on Luna’s cheek gently. “I know, thou mean well… but… I need to find the way out myself. I’m grateful . Verily! But…” “Mayhap I felt better, feeling thee near… Stay with me, please. For a while...” “Oh, Alex…” Luna sighed heavily, unable to talk Alex round. “I fought mine demons alone and thou art so eager to follow mine…” “Luna, please!..” She snuggled into him tighter, wrapping in the feathery cocoon, wholeheartedly wishing to shield, to protect from the sorrows, perfectly realizing she has no power of protecting him from himself. Almost no power. She could give anything for him staying in her caring hooves like that forever. “Promise me one thing, Alex!” Luna looked into his eyes fixedly. “Thou can simply call me, at which hour thy pain, in thy dreams or otherwise, becometh arrant unbearable. Promise me that thou shall do that, if necessary!” * “Dear Princess Celestia!...” Having a few letters on her desk Celestia dived in deep thoughts: the image, drawn by Twilight daily part by part, got only darker in summary. She spread the scrolls, each longer than the previous, so parts of them combined in the whole picture. “…Alex spent the whole first day sleeping and I hoped for the initial shock to fade at least partially after a while, but I can’t see it happening. I admit to assisting that in a certain chemical way, but that day and next night passed relatively calm, so I hoped it could make things a tiny bit better indeed…” “…The blacksmith was quite understanding, when I visited him; I tried not to give out too many details, but, princess, this is Ponyville, everypony will know everything sooner or later. So, the next day Alex spent at home. He sat over his notes and it could look for a random observer, as if he simply worked on his problems as usual. But actually, he was like a stone statue all the day: he didn’t write a word, almost didn’t move, didn’t eat… Strange thing though, Alex woke up smiling, but it faded away as a matter of seconds. I wonder, what could happen that night… Fluttershy came today and she was the one, whose presence he finally reacted to. She sat next to Alex and they hugged each other, but Alex kept the same lifeless look. I left them alone. She tried to talk to him and he even replied occasionally, as I could hear. But when she left in about an hour, she was almost in tears. “He hurts much,” she said. “But he doesn’t want to accept any help…” I don’t know what to do either…” Celestia sighed tiredly. ‘I know, Lulu “happened”…’ she shook her head slowly, but this time her expression wasn’t reproachful. ‘If neither her, nor Fluttershy could do anything, things went deadly serious. I don’t even know, how to…’ “…Alex could hold himself staying at home for one day only. He went to the smithy this morning. Princess Celestia, have you ever seen a walking mannequin? That was very similar to it; it looked even more awful, because I can’t undertake anything to help him recover. It either didn’t work as expected, or he rejected every attempt to assist him. As you might have guessed, everypony already knows everything. Thankfully, the only source of that information was the dam technician, who actually witnessed the events in detail, therefore the rumours spread around the town were as close to the reality as they could possibly be. To my relief, nopony blamed Alex for that tragedy; for example, I talked to the girls… and each of them sympathized with him. Even Rainbow was to confess that there was hardly any of Alex’s guilt in what happened at the dam; that didn’t change her general opinion about him though. The day passed as usual… at least according to that little I could see of Alex’s face, when he returned. I wonder what old Will thinks about all that, had no chance to find that out yet, but I will try to catch his niece at the market the other day…” “…Several days passed, but it didn’t get any better. Alex is not going to discuss that matter, masterfully dodging every attempt to convince that circumstances were stronger than him. He is not going to talk much at all these days. He goes to the smithy as a… “mechanic human”, works there automatically, following his own plans. He even started to build something there, Spike, whose help he needed once, told that it looked like another smelter, but a different one: thicker walls, larger and wider in general, with more complex inner construction. But he does everything automatically, without any inspiration, like following some plan, he wrote for himself… Following simply because he must, not because he wants. Understand me right, your Highness, he cares about others around, is willing to help if asked, can even produce an occasional smile… Exactly – produce. It’s a mask, princess, he blames himself and it is burning him from inside daily. I don’t know what drives him these days… I caught him going downstairs another morning, Alex was of light lime-green colour, but strong determination was written across his face. It was the strongest expression of him, I could come across lately. When I asked him bluntly, what he did there, he said only. “Healing!” Not something obvious, I must say. That made me watch him the next morning. Princess, can you believe? He gets to the upper balcony of the library, almost to the railing, and simply sits there, looking down at Ponyville, for an hour or so. He gets down almost fainting, covered in cold sweat, but keeps doing that every day…” ‘Hmmm… He is struggling,’ the princess closed her eyes, thinking. ‘But where it will lead him, that is the question.’ “…Canterlot Steam Company started building the generator at the Ponyville dam, they tripled the safety… and pegasi guards are on duty there round the clock. But Alex is totally uninterested, he avoids any thought about that project now. Thankfully, they didn’t need his help or consultation yet and… I didn’t dare to mention the whole thing to him, your Highness. I have a strong suspicion, Alex started having nightmares (which he was seemingly never prone to before) and they are likely progressing, becoming more severe with time. I heard him groaning at night several times, but when I came down to check, it was abidingly quiet; yet I’m sure he can’t get rid of those memories even in his dreams. Dear Princess Celestia, I’m afraid, I have no idea, where it goes… but I dare to doubt the lingering with telling him… what you wanted. I think I know what it was… and I can imagine, how it can strike Alex. But… maybe it’s better to tell him, instead of waiting, until the wound heals up a tiny bit, and cutting it again…” ‘Oh, Twilight!’ Celestia bit her lip pensively. ‘If only you knew, how often I thought about that.’ ‘I wonder, where it can lead as well, my dear faithful apprentice…’ Ignoring Celestia’s fixed glance the portrait of Luna at the opposite wall apparently wasn’t going to provide any advice. * The roar of the falling water was almost unbearable, yet it couldn’t overshadow the thumping of Alex’s own heart in his ears. At the mental image of the wet narrow catwalks, shaky-looking railing and the thousands of tons of water raging below, Alex stumbled for a moment and leaned on the wall, feeling his heart skipped a beat and creeps rushed up the spine. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the treacherously shaking knees. ‘Comest on, thou art at the top of the dam already! Thou simply needst to find…’ A thin barely audible through the rumble of falling water plea for help, almost like a piteous squeak of a deadly trapped small critter, made him wince. Alex rushed through the opening and froze on spot; the horrible view opened to his eyes. The dam technician, the earth pony stallion struggled for life, clinging to the part of the construction – the thick smooth metal beam, protruding from the partially assembled frame. On his back, wrapping her fore legs around father’s neck, trying to hold on and almost fainting from the deadly scare the little filly shrank into the miserable trembling ball. Her weight dragged both into the abyss, as her father was afraid to make any abrupt movement, risking to drop her and inevitably sliding off the beam slowly. A quick glance around showed no Seeker presence, but that was the least important thing for Alex to bother about. “Dost not move! Simply hold on!!!” Alex gulped and… made a few steps forward, feeling as if some giant hand was tumbling his stomach. Cringing from the piercing thin noise in the ears and strong nausea, he lay on the catwalk and extended his arm. Alex was to drag himself closer to the edge, freezing from the mind-wrecking terror and fighting against the urge to squint, but was finally able to grab the stallion above the hoof firmly, looking into his eyes and transforming the gritted teeth into an encouraging smile semblance. “Hold on, little one!” forcedly squeezed Alex, shifting his glance to the filly’s eyes for a second, and noticing to his relief, how she convulsively nodded. Alex started dragging them up, flattening on the platform not to slide and putting all his strength into that. Another hoof of the stallion reached the catwalk, Alex kept the eye contact and allowed himself a small real smile already. The pony pulled himself up to the chest level, the filly firmly held on his back… The long nasty sound of tearing metal reached their ears through the roar of water and their own heavy breathing. Still pulling, Alex cast a wild glance over his shoulder: the rusty fastening bolts failed to hold against the weight and vibration, the whole section of the catwalk flinched and… flew down, dragging them three into the swirling waters. Alex winced madly… and woke up, trying to focus his eyes in the darkness of the room. His heart thumped heavily, but the blood rush in his ears started fading. Alex gasped, fitfully inhaling with the force of the one, barely dodged drowning, and jerked up, sitting on his sofa. ‘Merlin’s pants! Is it going to end ever? Which time for one night is it already?’ He ran his hand down his forehead and face, wiping the cold sweat and… quickly opening his eyes again, not to see the desperately hoping for the rescue eyes of that stallion behind own closed eyelids. Alex groaned and fell back, staring at the ceiling without blinking. It was somewhat hard to lie that way… ‘Damn it!’ Alex leaned on his elbow and fumbled near the sofa, finally finding the pillow and shoving it under his faintly aching head. He turned at his side, trying to fall asleep again, despite that idea didn’t bring much enthusiasm… Holding on his chest, as if catching the racing heart, Alex reached the top of the endless stairs and rushed through the door. Trying to take his breath Alex darted through the building, turned into the mess by the raving Seeker, and blast opened the doors to the gallery. The roar of the falling water filled his ears immediately and the cold fear started creeping into his soul, making the blood thicken in Alex’s veins. At the mental image of the wet narrow catwalks, shaky-looking railing and the thousands of tons of water raging below, Alex stumbled for a moment and leaned on the wall, his eyesight darkened for a second and creeps rushed up the spine. He took a deep breath, trying to concentrate and make the world around him stop shaking. ‘Comest on, thou art at the top already! Merlin’s pants, they’d better be holding still…’ He couldn’t hear anything, except the roar of the falling water under the catwalks. Alex rushed through the opening and froze on spot; the platform, the crane, the half-assembled frame… the beam, poor pony stallion was hanging on, were empty. Alex was alone on the catwalk, above the raging element. He was late: the dam technician, the earth pony stallion struggled for life as long as he could, clinging to the part of the construction – the thick smooth metal beam, protruding from the partially assembled frame. But the constructions were wet and slippery, his forces were fading, affected by the shock and additional weight of his little daughter, holding on his back, wrapping her fore legs around father’s neck; the stallions hooves inexorably unclenched and both ponies must have fallen, seconds before Alex could reach the top. Alex squinted, groaning like a wounded beast and squeezing his temples hard. ‘NO!!! No, no, no, no!’ He swayed on the catwalks, paying no attention to the abyss gaping below. Little by little he regained the ability to think clearly and finally opened his eyes… immediately regretting that, feeling as if some giant hand was tumbling his stomach. Cringing from the piercing thin noise in the ears and strong nausea, he made an accurate step back, taking a look around. ‘Whither is this bucking Seeker?!’ A horrible strike between his shoulder blades, threw Alex forward, the world made a loop around him and in some miraculous flurry Alex managed to grab the metal beam, protruding from the frame. He firmly clenched to that single chance to survive, hanging above the roaring waters and almost fainting, as his eyesight narrowed into a thin tube and his heart thumped seemingly somewhere under his throat. Alex tried to pull himself up, the edge of the platform was so close… and at the same time it could be in Canterlot. Suddenly a large shadow obstructed the light; the Seeker, it seemed giant to Alex, towered over the catwalk edge with the beam and hanging human. For a second, for the small eternity, it froze, as if pondering what to do. Alex’s forces faded, he made another desperate attempt to pull… The Seeker raised on its hind legs… and heavily threw its fore hooves onto the metal beam, which flinched with the loud metal buzz. Unbearable striking pain pierced Alex’s fingers, which let go of the beam and Alex… …woke on his sofa, staring at the backrest in the darkness of the Twilight’s Library. Alex exhaled, blinking several times and turned to another side… …to see the metal grate of the catwalk underneath, flowing water and mist below and meet the desperate glance of the eyes of the earth pony stallion holding on the platform edge; the filly was holding on his back, sobbing, whimpering quietly. Alex’s eyes dilated, fixating on the pleading hopeful eyes of the pony struggling for their with daughter lives. With a wild jerk he turned, trying to grab stallion’s leg and pull both on the catwalk… But the latter gasped, seemingly losing the last strength and released the edge… falling, falling, falling, like in slow motion, to the swirling clouds of mist below. Alex shrieked on top of his lungs and… He must have shrieked in reality, as the flickering light dispelled the darkness of the room. It went from a couple of candles in the chandelier Twilight levitated in front of her; she wrapped up in the long night robe and blinked several times, trying to wake up completely. “Did you have a bad dream?” “Apologies, Twi! Bad is very mildly saying…” Alex exhaled and sat on his sofa, catching the sliding to the floor blanket, he rubbed his face, wiping the large cold drips off his forehead. “Did I wake thee up?” “You woke up Spike even, and that says much,” Twilight sighed and put the chandelier on the small table; she leaned to Alex, looking into his eyes, like trying to see at the bottom, what was bothering him. “What is going on, Alex? Well… I know what is,” corrected she herself. “But… You can’t stand against all this alone. It’s not the first time for that night, you wake up screaming, right? And it’s definitely not the first time in general…” “I face that nightly, Twilight!” Alex ran his fingers through his hair and sat, staring in front of him, holding his temples. “Nopony knoweth, how many times each night. Each time differently, but each time to somepony’s perish… Even mine oft. I’m tired, Twi! At which hour I close mine eyes, I see them, I see his eyes, his hope, Twi.” “You should stop blaming yourself, Alex. Believe me. You said, you didn’t help them in time… Nopony knows, you could slip on the stairs, come across the locked door… You’ll never know that!” Twilight lifted his pillow from the floor again and sat next to Alex at the edge of the sofa. Alex slowly shook his head. “No, Twi, I was thither and they were still hanging on that beam, I was thither, at which hour they fell… He couldn’t make it, Twi. He was waiting for mine help, believing me…” “And I failed to help them!” Alex gritted his teeth, holding back tears. “It really would be better, if I was there instead of that pony and his daughter. Did she deserve to die?!” “Alex! For Harmony’s sake, don’t be foalish!” Twilight stared at him reproachfully, while Alex tried to lay down again, feeling the shivers, despite it was warm in the room. “Harmony? I would like to believe, thither is any!” muttered he, snuggling his forehead to her knees. With a heavy sigh Twilight stroked his shoulder lightly. * “Twilight! Twilight, are you even here?!” Spike was to tap her several times to get her attention; the book in front of her was opened at the same page, as when he saw her several minutes before, while the alicorn girl stared at the single point, being far away from here in her thoughts. “Huh? What’s up, Spike?” Twilight woke up and focused on him, squeezing a small confused smile. “I, eh…” “It’s tea time actually,” the little dragon rolled his eyes, putting the tray with cups and some cookies on the table, he sat across and looked at her fixedly. “By the way, you exactly asked me for some tea a few minutes ago, Twilight… And if my eyes don’t lie to me, you are still “reading” the same page of that book as back then.” “This doesn’t look like usual you!” he made a sarcastic face and picked up one cup. “Now you started behaving strangely as well. I almost got used to him,” he pointed back with his claw. “being weird occasionally. But it seems to be contagious.” “Ohhhhh…” Twilight sighed, levitating another teacup and staring at her own reflection in it. But before Spike thought, she got lost in her thoughts again, Twilight continued pensively. “Okay, you will get to know anyway, why not a bit earlier then? That letter princess Celestia sent us this morning, she plans to visit today…” “Well, while her Highness isn’t a frequent guest here, I admit, she writes you something daily, Twi. What’s so special about that one, that gets you out of your Element, forgive me my pun. Unless…” Spike squinted. “Unless she wants to talk to Alex specifically. Right?” “Yeah. And while I know, this talk is inevitable… moreover, this comes up anyway, through this talk or without it completely,” Twilight bit her lip and threw a concerned glance at the door to Alex’s room. “I still don’t know, if it’s a good moment. He tries to act as usual, but after all those days, it’s getting only worse. Alex has already judged himself, sentenced and is now concentrating on that feel more and more… On the other hoof, keeping this untold is simply unfair towards him… Ugghhh, this isn’t something, you are taught in the School for the Gifted Unicorns, Spike!” “Can you imagine, I don’t know, if what Celestia is going to do is right, but there is no other way around either…” added she, downcasting. “You may continue not, Twi,” Spike looked at her seriously. “I suspected something like that, when I saw you burning that scroll.” He lowered his voice, glancing over the shoulder. “She can’t send him back, right?” “Yes,” simply and tiredly breathed out Twilight. “They couldn’t find a safe method. Nopony can do anything about that… But it will hit him, like all the hammers of old Will’s smithy together.” A quiet rustle from behind the loosely-closed door made them fall silent and listen, but apparently, the human simply moved in his sleep. Twilight slowly shook her head. “I guess, we can only be glad he came back so exhausted; maybe it can block his anxiety and bad dreams at least for a short while, so he can sleep,” she kept listening to the sounds with concern. “I suspect, he wakes dozens times a night and didn’t even go around Ponyville last few times, while he did it nightly before. It’s not his duty, of course, but the mere fact he can’t do that is self-explanatory enough.” Twilight remembered, how she was to stay with Alex for a while last night, until he finally fell asleep. Thankfully, he didn’t wake up screaming after that, but the room was empty, when she got down in the morning to check; apparently, Alex couldn’t stay alone with his feelings and whisked to the smithy even before the sunrise. He worked especially meticulously and hard those last few days, as if he was trying to accomplish his job in time or tried to muffle the mental pain by the muscular strain. In the first case, Twilight knew, that he had more time than necessary, unable to leave Equestria, and both reasons made her feel for him even sharper, yet having zero opportunities to help. That’s why, when Alex came back earlier that day and practically crawled to his bed, falling asleep at once, she left him alone, not even reminding that to exist every living thing must not ignore the food completely. Twilight didn’t bother Alex, when he restlessly fiddled and groaned through his sleep, rightfully deciding that if he woke not, then it wasn’t severe, thus having some rest was in priority for him. But the feeling of the upcoming disaster kept pestering her, even the proven remedy for all kinds of anxiety – the book didn’t help much; Twilight couldn’t get rid of the mental image of Alex totally breaking down under the new problem. Spike wanted to say something, when a quite loud clap from upstairs made them both twitch and start up, looking for the source of that disturbance. The thin, but easily distinguishable fragrance of roses told Twilight what, or better say, who it was. “Good evening, Twilight, my dear!” princess Celestia personally greeted her, cocking her beautiful head and folding her vast wings tighter, not to knock something down accidentally. “Evening, Spike!” “Your Highness!” both bowed; seeing their bewildered glances the princess gifted them with a small smile and elaborated. “I left the usual guards back in Canterlot. Sometimes even princesses need privacy, I wanted to avoid the unnecessary witnesses naturally.” “That doesn’t apply to you Spike, of course,” she nodded to Twilight’s aide slightly. “I have full confidence in you both, but mind the talk isn’t going to be easy and light.” Twilight’s heart jumped as she imagined vividly, what reaction the news might cause. “Princess,” started she cautiously. “You know, that I hardly ever questioned the propriety of your Highness’ decisions, but…” she fell silent, but seeing that Celestia shortly nodded, not rejecting her point of view, continued. “I somewhat reconsidered and can’t stop thinking, if what we going to do is necessary right now.” “We all can see the reasons, why nopony is guilty in that tragedy, but Alex is too deep in his complex now to even admit their existence,” Twilight hurried to elaborate, while Celestia was listening. “While time heals generally and the one starts to criticize the situation inwardly, seeing it from the different angles, I’m afraid it’s not our case. It goes only worse with time, he fixated on the thought that he could help those ponies and he was to help no matter what. That led him to the endless nightmares, Alex can’t sleep normally, experiencing the tragedy time after time…” “Luna told me,” Celestia softly nodded, making Twilight flush. “He tries to load himself with work over the top, but it hardly helps either. Today he came almost falling over and I admit, that made him fall asleep, relatively calm… but I don’t know what the night will bring. The last one he woke us, screaming loudly from his nightmare, I assume it’s not the single time, simply the first we heard. I stayed with him, till he drifted to sleep again… and… tried to convince, he blamed himself in vain,” Twilight downcasted, obviously, she didn’t succeed. “He stuck to his own vision, no matter what... That’s why, I thought, maybe we shouldn’t…” “My dear Twilight,” Celestia brought her muzzle closer and looked into her apprentice eyes. “Rest assured, I thought about that a lot. I can see your reasons, but as you said already, “letting the wound heal, then starting to cut it again” is neither an option.” “You can probably say, that he is not healing,” nodded the princess, seeing Twilight’s expression. “Well, he is to accommodate somehow to the reality and the reality dictates, he stays here, my dear. We can only try to help him accept that easier and overcome that tragedy he witnessed. Lingering with the answers will only do worse, I believe, as I give Alex enough credit to treat things realistically.” “He was here nearly four months, three of which we were trying to find the way to return him to his home world,” Celestia subtly drove Twilight and Spike to the stairs, she made her decision. “Alex is an adult, he understands perfectly that we had more than enough time for that and if we didn’t tell him anything exact, then we had nothing to offer. Truth be told, I was sure, we couldn’t bring him back, a couple of weeks already, taking time to check everything twice – neither the Mages Council, nor I can send him back to Earth due to his magical resistance. He will ask that question sooner or later and our silence can only make him trust us all less.” “I understand, princess,” Twilight’s ears drooped. “It simply hurts to imagine, how the news will strike him. But you are right, it’s inevitable.” A loud scream from the ground floor made them wince, Twilight rushed downstairs like a lilac jet, Spike followed shortly; with a sigh Celestia trotted after them. They found Alex sitting on the sofa, already untangled from the bedding, covering his face with both hands. “Did it happen again?” Twilight’s question was rather rhetoric, she levitated and put back the pillow automatically. “This time even worse, Twilight,” Alex’s voice came like out of the barrel, he inhaled fitfully. “Good evening, princess. Apologies for greeting your Highness like that.” Obviously, he meant the mess on his sofa, the papers and drafts filling the table, his own ruffled look; thankfully, Alex simply fell down and “switched off” in his regular clothes, Twilight and Spike covered him and shoved the pillow under his head. “Good evening, Alex. You didn’t know about my visit, so it explicable…” Celestia softly approached, watching him. “I suppose, asking how you feel is useless.” It was hard to tell, if Alex shrugged or twitched convulsively, slowly removing his hands, his forehead covered in cold sweat, tears trailing from the closed eyes. “You have probably heard that countless times already,” she sat right on the floor in front of the human, watching him fixedly. “But I’m going to repeat, you don’t need to blame yourself entirely for that, Alex. You did everything you could, trying to save those ponies, while, let’s be frank, you weren’t to.” “Yeah. Exactly tried,” Alex squinted, whispering barely audible. “When all I needed, was simply to DO, to drag them back on the platform fast. I could easily do that, it was barely half mine weight!” He gritted his teeth and almost hissed. “But instead I… tried and obviously failed. I allowed mine phobia take over, yet another time, losing a few seconds… Only few seconds… and two lives, I could easily save!” “Not that easily, apparently…” after a pause Celestia explained the route of her thoughts. “You knew about your phobia, yet you rushed to help them, as nopony else could. But you’re not a machine, Alex; with all the changes, you did undergo here, you aren’t omnipresent and omnipotent. You were all alone there… and did what you could.” “What should I do?” woefully smirked Alex. “Take others with me and risk subjecting them to the Seeker impact? Double the tragedy…” “Fair point!” Celestia said quietly. “You see, you judged the situation and made the proper decision in the given circumstances, yet you think, you are… “the root of evil”. You did right, believe me, the rest is a tragic accident. They happen, despite our will sometimes.” “I failed, Tia!” Alex opened his eyes, inhaling convulsively. “I failed, at which hour I shouldn’t, according to all the reasons, thou hast mentioned correctly. Tis what counteth at the end of the day!” Tears trailed down from his almost black pain-ridden eyes. Everypony shuddered: the princess barely noticeable, Twilight and Spike made a step back. “I shouldn’t…” quietly repeated Alex; he braced himself like someone freezing and leaned forward, unwittingly snuggling his forehead to Celestia’s chest, shutting his eyes and trembling, as if he was still in his nightmare. Celestia’s eyes dilated shockingly, but she coped with herself quite fast; Twilight gulped loudly and started breathing again, feeling how Spike clenched to her fore leg. “Thou knowest, Tia! That’s mine first death witnessed,” quietly said Alex. “At which hour I realized whither I got, I could nev’r imagine things like that befalling hither. Not hither. Merlin’s pants! Not like that at least! But instead… And on top of ‘t, I’m the one, causing that death…” He squinted, a few drops fell on the floor between Celestia’s gold-shod fore hooves. “Tis not something, one can easily live with, Tia. It’s burning me from inside…” Arching her swan-like neck the princess looked down at him with the mixed expression of sheer bewilderment, empathy and concern, hard to tell which prevailed; she touched Alex’s shoulder lightly. “I’ve sent guards on the search mission as soon as I found out about that tragedy; they are still looking for… for anything, we stopped the water for a while and searched the basin and down the entire river…” Feeling, how Alex shivered, she emphasized then. “They didn’t find anything! I admit, they didn’t find them, but they didn’t find the bodies either!” “Oh!..” Alex straightened, the momentary weakness gave up to the cold sarcasm, tears dried. “That surely changeth things arrant, correct?!” Celestia downcasted with a sigh. Twilight realized that the decision was inwardly made and held her breath, when the princess looked fixedly into Alex’s eyes. “I hate to tell you this news, Alex, but I’m not going to keep you in the darkness anymore… that would be unfair to you anyway. After a few months of investigation the result is still the same and we considered all the means possible.” Celestia took a breath, the faint sparkle shone in Alex’s eyes for the first time that day. “We can’t send you back to Earth.” That sounded like the hammer nailing the coffin shut. The hope faded, as if somepony extinguished the lights in the human’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Alex! I truly am…” Alex leaned back slowly, Celestia’s hoof fell onto his knee; at first, they thought it was a desperate groan, but then to her bewilderment Twilight realized that Alex snorted. He burst laughing, closing his eyes again, shaking with his entire body, stopping for a second, then leaning back and laughing again. Spike whisked to the kitchen for some water and returned with the glass, throwing an inquiring glance at Twilight. Exactly at the moment she started to concern about Alex’s sanity, the laughter ceased, was “turned off”; that sudden change was hardly less scary than the laughter itself. “Yeah!” said Alex slowly, he got up and took a look over the audience, making a short bow towards Celestia. “Apologies, your Highness, Twilight, Spike…” Alex squeezed a tiny smile, noticing the glass, and shook his head. “Methinks I need some time for myself.” He crossed the room, stopping in front of the open window; the night was quickly taking over, flooding the square at the Golden Oak Library with darkness, pierced with the golden light of nearby houses’ windows. The crescent Moon showed up from the clouds and sharply outlined Alex’s silhouette. “Something, I for once appear to be unquestionably good at hither – expelling those monsters, is wasted, due to me succumbing to mine inner ones,” he looked at the waning Moon, arms crossed. “Whatever I touch, is ruined henceforth, except mine damned machines… Fancy, isn’t it? Not for me though… But, it reminded me of some duties, I shouldn’t sabotage forsooth…” Alex stretched to the bone crunch and inhaled full chest of fresh night air, letting the wind ruffle his hair. He cast a sidelong glance over the shoulder at two alicorns and one dragon. “Mine apologies! Nopony should suffer anymore…” Alex stepped over the windowsill and vanished into the night, followed by Celestia’s concerned sigh; Twilight downcasted with a pensive expression. * He didn’t bend his heart, saying about the duties, he wasn’t meant to forget. Deep inside Alex realized that each night he was flouncing about in his nightmares, unable to sleep, unable to either rest or concentrate, unable to sleepwalk as well, was a perfect chance for the filthy brain-tumbling bastards to appear somewhere else scot-free and hurt somepony. But if he couldn’t sleepwalk, he was able to walk around the town on his own. ‘Still better than waking every several minutes with the racing heart, screaming and cursing yourself!’ When Alex did something, no matter what exactly, something demanding his attention, the pain retreated slightly, hid deep inside, giving him a small short respite; he was thankful even for that. Alex used all his senses at double, watching, listening to every rustle, inhaling even the faintest change of familiar smells, carefully passing the sleeping houses in the shadows, becoming those shadows when necessary. Tonight though he passed the well-known places, looking at them anew; the mere thought all that could become his home now… and there was no way back, was wild, mind-wrecking, Alex couldn’t entirely believe; although, Celestia was completely serious about that, having more than enough time to make sure his transfer was impossible. So, he was stuck in the world of sentient ponies. For life. Forever?! Alex remembered, what the princess told him about his changed metabolism, and clenched his teeth not to howl. On the one hand, the perspective wasn’t entirely dreading, he personally could name a few far worse ones. For example, the fate of that unicorn, who came across the Seeker… if not Fluttershy, his life would be a constant nightmare and Alex already knew that equestrian ponies lived much longer than average humans; although, Alex wasn’t sure if that unicorn realized himself before Fluttershy… “switched him on”. On the other hand, thinking of Fluttershy, Alex was to admit that up to that moment he rather came across plenty of unresolved problems in that world. And some of them, usually those, which demanded the solution the most, he was unable to find the way out of. Leaving would make all three of them suffer (Alex realized that Rarity wouldn’t be happy likewise, but supposed her crush was something, that could release her lightly without the object), but at least equally, making them regret, live with it… and eventually turning the pain into the sad memories. Occupied by those thoughts Alex reached the south edge of Ponyville insensibly. ‘You can’t leave! Shut it finally!’ he scolded himself. ‘And even if you could…’ Alex remembered Discord’s words about him keeping all the new features he got, regardless of the ability to return. That drew the completely bleak perspective to become a… freak, an outcast, moreover, a very long living and therefore suffering outcast in his home world. Alex was unsure, what he really wanted at that moment and where he really belonged; the feeling that he belonged neither worlds now flashed through. Blood rushed into his face; Alex leaned on the nearest house wall, pressing his forehead against. Lit by the Sun the whole afternoon, the wall was warm and felt unpleasant; although, the familiar homely smell of candy and bakery sobered him up and cheered. Apparently, Sugarcube Corner had another busy, customers filled day and Pinkie and the Cake family had their deserved rest peacefully. At least here everything was alright; Alex let out a small smile, crossing the street and heading out of the town. The Apple orchard met him with the quiet whisper of the leaves in the night breeze and the sweet smell of early apples. The birds hid for the night and only the omnipresent cicadas screeched restlessly everywhere, falling silent when Alex approached and continuing their concert shortly after he passed by. Alex paced up, sensing nothing unusual in that dark warm August night, then ran, aspiring to cross the uniform sea of the trees faster. He tried to keep at the openings more or less, as got used to orient by the night sky during his walks, so the endless rows of the apple trees were not a big problem. In about twenty minutes he reached the Apple Farm, hopped over the fence, passing the crops and flowerbeds, the slowly rotating windmills of generators, approaching the house… to be greeted by the quiet, low, but unequivocal growling. Alex stopped, but after a moment the wind blew from his side and the growling changed to sniffing and recognizing whining; a shadowy silhouette emerged from the shade of the house. “Hey, Winona,” Alex kneeled and scratched the dog behind the ears, letting her sniff his face and playfully bump him with her nose, huffing. “Having a late walk, eh? I guess, everything is calm here tonight…” Winona didn’t bustle around at nights usually, but it was known that the Seekers didn’t affect the animals much, yet the latter could feel and warn about their presence; letting the dog guard the house freely was a smart idea in the light of the latter events. “Okay, okay,” Alex ruffled Winona’s fur. “You won’t mind, if I check around likewise, right?” Alex slowly went around the house and nearby barn: no light, no sound, no threat, apparently. Judging by the dog’s merry jumping – Winona followed him, bored by monotonous duty – everything was fine; loud snoring of Granny Smith sounded through the wide-open window on the ground floor, making Alex let out a little smile. Winona followed him to the farm fence; Alex stroked the fluffy head a goodbye, then hurried back towards the town, taking left, to go around it. The field rippled with its silvery-green waves in the moonlight, a late train snaked along, approaching the station with a distant whistle. The station itself was lit, so was the freight yard and the memories about the plans to electrify the place made a faint shadow run across Alex’s face. He turned away and headed through the field, passing Ponyville from the west. ‘You are without your armour again!’ sudden thought caused a wry smile. ‘Granted it’s not perfect yet, but… isn’t it funny that you always don’t have it, when it could become necessary.’ The smithy met him with silence, both Will and his niece were sleeping after the daily work and the broad yard was barely lit by the slowly smouldering furnace. Alex stood for a while, inhaling the smell of warm metal, he ran his hand on the wide edge of the newly built smelter – large construction, reaching already his waist level. ‘Properly finished it will let Willsmash continue the work…’ Alex pondered, if the blueprints contained all the necessary information. ‘Yeah, even changing the metal structure will be enough.’ Checking the sky and Moon position Alex darted around the town, skirting it from the east that time. He passed the building site, the market: everything lied in silence, not a single window was lit at that hour and the human was the only living being outside, except several dogs, sleepily barking after him and a few night birds here and there. Approaching the bridge, Alex habitually slowed down the pace, passing Rarity’s house and trying to be extra quiet, despite everypony saw the tenth dream there. He lingered for a while, watching another windmill, lazily mixing the night air, then turned away to the familiar road and crossed the river. His legs seemingly carried him on their own, lighter and faster. “Hmmm… I always thought you were rather an early lark than an owl, Shy!” The quiet phrase and familiar voice coming to her from the depth of her garden made Fluttershy squeak and jump on the spot; although, the squeak sounded rather happily than scared. In a second Alex caught and hugged tight the very determined pegasus girl, who pounced him and wrapped all four legs around. He kissed Fluttershy on the nose lightly and snuggled to her cheek, ruffling her mane, inhaling the fragrance of honey and field flowers… and forgetting about his problems for a few moments, while small hooves were stroking his back frantically. The wind and moonlight ceased, all the sounds got muffled, except the beat of her racing heart, while Alex hands travelled over Fluttershy’s mane and back, stroking and squeezing her, like trying to remember each curve and soft strand of hair; remember and keep within his tactile memory. She wrapped him in her soft wings, snuggling tighter and making Alex wonder once again, how surprisingly large and strong they actually were. Fluttershy squeaked and even let out a quiet moan of pleasure, embarrassedly biting her lip, because of him covering her neck and shoulders with quick affectionate kisses. “Alex!!!” she held his head, rubbing her cheek on his hair, while he buried his face into her chest fluff, doing his best to hold back the treacherous bitter tears. “Alex!..” Alex inhaled, nuzzling Fluttershy deeper and making her flutter in his arms, then leaned back and looked into her eyes. “I really didn’t expect to see you outside at that hour, Fluttershy,” Alex moved a naughty strand of her pink mane from her face; he wanted to say something else, but gasped and kept drowning in her turquoise lakes instead. “I-I was checking the… henhouse,” Fluttershy’s nose became pinkish, she couldn’t look away from his dilated pupils. “I l-lock some animals for the night lately… after… Ohhhh!” she clung to Alex and covered his lips with a long kiss. “O-okay, okay, who am I trying to foal,” huffed Fluttershy, when they were able to take their breath after a few minutes; she let out a tiny smile. “I was hoping to see you, Alex.” She squeezed him tighter, nuzzling his neck gently and giving another kiss, which made chills run along his spine. “I do lock some of the animals indeed though, just in case… You didn’t come for a few nights. H-how are you, Alex?” she looked into his eyes with concern and anxiety. He slowly lowered himself onto the grass, instead of an answer, holding the mare, like a mother held her child: dearly, tightly to ensure nopony can hurt it, yet lightly at the same time, like the most precious and delicate treasure. Fluttershy nested on Alex’s chest, covering them with her wings; her lush pink tail wrapped around his legs, as if trying to keep her human as close to her as it was possible. She didn’t know, how long they sat together like that, feeling his chin on her head and watching the stars with him. She even started thinking that Alex totally forgot about her question, when a hot single drop fell on her nose; the sky was crystal clear though. “I can’t sleep, each time I close mine eyes, I see the desperate hopeful glance of that poor stallion, Shy, I hear his daughter plea for help…” Alex snuggled to her cheek, stroking her amazing mane, running his fingers through, as if trying to distract his attention by something dear to him; a heavy sigh raised his chest. “Several days passed, but it’s not going to get any better. And with the latest news I doubt it can.” “What news?” she breathed in Alex’s ear, rubbing her cheek on his. “Aw! You grew some stubble.” “I’m not going anywhere,” dropped Alex, leaning back and looking at her, he noticed the bright sparkles deep into her turquoise eyes, despite Fluttershy did her best to hide them fast. “You mean?” “Tia… Princess Celestia came this evening and told me, they have no means to send me back to Earth,” Alex raised one eyebrow, trying to mask the pain behind the stone face, but Fluttershy could see everything in his eyes. “Tis final. I’m an equestrian citizen now…” “Oh…” She wasn’t sure that any comment is appropriate and, moreover, would be accepted as such here. ‘Why should I be upset because of that, not another way round?’ That thought came afloat automatically and she wondered, how naturally it sounded, yet became ashamed at the same time, watching, how Alex stared at the single point lifelessly. A few more minutes passed in silence. “Thou knowest, Shy,” suddenly slowly said Alex. “One doth not necessarily need to make some choice, but the mere fact that thou art able to make it meaneth much more, than the choice itself.” “Well, I should reconsider mine life henceforth, or…” Alex fell silent, then kissed her cheek shortly but tenderly. He kneeled, putting Fluttershy on the ground. “Go to bed, Shy, it’s really too late. Thou needst some sleep. I shall make sure that nopony and nothing bother thee!” He stared into her large beautiful eyes for a whole long minute, Alex’s eyes glistened and he blinked, looking aside. “Remember, please, what I said once,” he swallowed a lump. “If ‘t be true thou suddenly feelest anxiety, fear, anything alike, at which hour I’m not around, drop everything and run to Twilight immediately!” “Good night, mine love!” Alex stroked her cheek lightly and got up. Fluttershy watched, how Alex crossed the yard, getting over the fence, and headed to the field, running his hand through the grass, like trying to feel it better. She thought about his last words, while he climbed a small hill and sat under the single large tree on its top, watching the sleeping Ponyville. * The next day brought work, more work and nothing but work, or maybe that was Alex, who escaped the Library and headed to the smithy, as early as he could without being impolite towards Will and Silver Ingot, waking them up. He couldn’t remember, if he actually slept, as when Alex returned from his night walk, the Moon already left its starry throne and the thin opalescent stripe showed up at the eastern edge of the sky. Each attempt to close his eyes and disconnect from the reality sooner or later brought Alex straight to the Ponyville Dam, amidst the tragedy, that kind of sleep hardly delivered any rest; evidently, considering he didn’t feel completely exhausted and chivied, Alex didn’t recourse to that method of… “personal torture” much. Nevertheless, physically he felt fine and dived right into his current work – the new smithy was yet halfway built; Alex tried to dispel all the uneasy thoughts, by some simpler, more practical, referring to his business, rather than ethics ones. The smells of the smoldering furnace and hot metal, the rhythm of hammers quickly drove away the vagrant thoughts. A few of them kept buzzing somewhere in the far backyard of his consciousness though, drilling his mind constantly and making occasionally pause the work and freeze pensively for a second. One was particularly strong. “You are unusually quiet today,” Will stopped fanning the furnace and threw an attentive glance at Alex, who just fitted the large stone of the outer shell of the new smelter, naturally growing faster than the inner casings, and stopped for a moment. For a stranger that could look, like the human was estimating the solid concrete pallet at the bottom of the smelter, but the old blacksmith watched Alex since early morning to know, that stare was directed inside rather than at some primitive material objects. “Any problems with the new construction?” “What? Oh… sorry!” Alex raised his eyes and took a look around, he needed an extra second to catch up, where and how he “suddenly” got; then squeezed a strained smile. “Our work is fine, going exactly as expected… I was thinking… whither I shall move anon…” It was impossible to see in Will’s shrug, if he got satisfied with that simple explanation or kept guessing about deeper motives. He noticed that Alex made a few important changes to the construction plans of the smelter at the last moment. Another strange observation was the armour or, better say, the lack of Alex’s attention towards it that day, despite Will had a couple of ideas, how they could improve the durability with the existing methods. As if hearing his unasked questions, Alex turned away from his creation and elaborated. “Lately I decided that it would be better, if the new smelter could be operated by a single pony only… by a single unicorn I mean,” Alex amended. “As you will need to use your magic to move the trays in and out, instead of mine… kinetic impact during the… sleepwalking, if… If ‘t be true I’m unavailable at some moment.” “But, as far as I know…” “Well, I’m not going to make a secret of that,” Alex spread his hands the most casual way. “I was informed already, there is no feasible method to send me home, considering my magic resistance… At least the princess knows none of such, and if she doth not, then very likely thither are none forsooth. But I would like you to be able to operate it even… errmmm… regardless to the circumstances.” “So,” he turned to the smelter, pointing at its entrance. “Due to our technologic limitations, this smelter is still. Thus I was to incorporate some rails, for you to be able to slide the moulds in and out.” “Obviously, stone “rails”,” he added. “As we can’t put anything metal inside that smelter, because it will melt instantly... I extend mine hope this one shalt offer temperatures noticeably higher than the current one, even without mine partaking in the process, and naturally, shalt be enough for… our new goals.” “You do realize though, that without your abilities we can hardly reach the planned potential of that one,” under Will’s fixed glance Alex looked aside, paying exaggerated attention to something inside the new smelter, while the blacksmith added. “Watching your work I supposed that you planned to raise the smelting temperature considerably, to be able to use different materials and reach new qualities of the steel. But… it calls for you controlling the processes inside the smelter, right?” “In mine case – yes. But even in arrant… self-sustained mode this new smelter shalt provide major advantage…” Alex fell silent for a short while, thinking of something. “Well… As we already touched that matter…” He put away the next stone block, he was going to add to the row. “Allowest me to explain in some details, how and why it shalt work…” Will slowly shook his head with the most pensive expression. “What can I say? It’s your idea and creation, son… you obviously know better what to do. But… somehow I don’t like the general route of your thoughts…” Alex only downcasted. * The Sun passed three-fourths of its daily journey on the sky, making the colours and shadows softer; the heat subsided and the multitude of birds in the field started their melodic fuss again after the short entr’acte at the hot noon. Putting the pot on the stove Silver Ingot turned her muzzle to the fresh breeze, coming through the open window and playing with the light curtains, she murmured something quietly – a rare phenomenon, which happened more and more often lately, as the life seemed to return to the old smithy again. They got a few small orders more: even if keeping away themselves, ponyvillers directed the strangers in need to the smithy, seeing that it started working full-time. Of course, it was a single drip in the sea, but the general trend looked optimistic enough, contrary to what they had for several years before. “Did he left already?” Sil woke of her thoughts, when she heard Willsmash coming in, putting something heavy in the hallway and running the water to wash off dust and sweat. “I wanted to invite Alex for dinner…” “He was outside a minute ago, still examined the new construction or…” the rest of the phrase sank in her uncle huffing and water splashing. In a couple of minutes he entered the kitchen, taking his breath. “I seriously don’t know what is going on with him today,” Will sighed and threw a quick glance at his niece. “I mean, everypony knows, what happened, but Alex seemed to be holding… as well as one can in such a situation.” He fell silent for a while. “Although, today he is… One moment he is here and you can talk to him, another – somewhere else, and it takes some time to catch his attention to the simplest question,” Will nodded towards the window. “You can try, my filly, but something tells me that some company is the last thing the human may need today. That’s worrying, but… I have no idea, what’s going on in his head. And Alex is not telling.” The blacksmith watched his niece picking up a large jar, filling it with water and headed outside; a small smile touched his muzzle at the look of her slender frame vanishing in the doorframe and Will shook his head at some thought. The yard looked empty and Silver Ingot thought that Alex headed to the town already, when she decided to trot around and finally found the human sitting behind the unfinished new smelter, leaning his back at its wall. Alex’s glance was directed at something in front of him, as if he tried hard to see something in the long dense shadow, spreading from his feet and further away. Nevertheless, hearing the hoofsteps Alex raised his head and the weak smile, touching his lips at Sil’s appearance, looked like a single ray of sunlight in the gleam of heavy storm clouds, surrounding his head; it flashed shortly and faded away, overshadowed by some of his thoughts. “Oh, here you are…” Sil inwardly rolled the eyes. ‘Just listen to yourself…’ Although, a short glance at Alex made her suspect her uncle was right about Alex’s feelings, she felt less confident about her idea at once. “I… I brought some water…” she raised the jar higher a bit. ‘Great. The embodiment of eloquence and obviousness,’ Sil squinted. “I thought, you might need to wash off all the dust and…” “Thanks!” With another faint smile Alex got up slowly, bringing the involuntary image of a folding divider into Sil’s mind. “That shan’t hurt forsooth. Thanks, Sil!” The filly flushed slightly, when Alex dragged his shirt overhead and hung it on the half-built smelter edge; nevertheless, Sil lifted the jar higher and slowly poured the water, letting him put his hands under the stream. She stepped back with a giggle, when Alex cleaned the arms to the elbow and simply put his head under the water, brushing through his hair and splashing, cooling down and washing his neck and shoulders as well. “Mine gratitude!” Alex squeezed the water out of his hair, as the jar emptied. “I wanted to ask…” Silver Ingot seemed genuinely interested, but Alex interrupted her, picking up his bag and taking something out. “Apologies! I wanted to leave something hither,” he handed her a thick envelope, evidently stuffed with some papers. “These may provide some use anon…” “What’s in there?” light-grey transparent aura enveloped it and Sil turned it over, examining. “Some papers,” vaguely noticed Alex. “Thou…” he stumbled. “I shall tell later, at which hour they are necessary. Simply keepest them, okay?” “Oka-a-ay…” puzzledly squeezed out the girl, looking at the envelope. Uncertain thoughts overshadowed her idea to invite him for the dinner and when Sil raised her glance, Alex already put the shirt on and was ready to depart. “Errmmm…” “Thanks, Sil!” Alex threw his bag on the shoulder, leaning closer and looking into her eyes. “Cheer up, everything shalt be fine!” “I… I need some time,” added he, aiming his glance at Ponyville. “To think and…” Alex shrugged, got over the fence and looked back. “Hast a nice evening, Sil! Thou and thy uncle likewise.” “Uncle Will,” Silver Ingot slowly entered the kitchen, submerged into her thoughts, her inward glance was still chained to that envelope, she left in her room upstairs. “What do you think about all that?” “About Alex, you mean?” Sil nodded shortly. Willsmash pursed his lips with a sigh. “My filly, he didn’t reveal all his plans from the beginning. Granted, we benefitted from them so far only. But I don’t like his current mood very much…” the blacksmith cupped his beard, pondering for a couple of minutes. “I swear, Alex looked better a couple of days after the tragedy… Was more responsive at least. Now though it’s impossible to tell what’s going on in his soul… And I guess, the news, he remains to Equestria forever, doesn’t make things better.” Sil opened her mouth, but reconsidered and downcasted, sinking on the chair; she kept thinking about the envelope upstairs. * The recently restored window shone its large glass and reflected the ponies, the street, the Sun, setting far behind the fields, the thin stream of smoke from the train approaching the station and looking a thread of colourful matches dragged by a steel shiny needle from that distance. Leaning closer one could see that after the reparations the Bouncing Barrels bar was working as usual, attracting numerous visitors by the delicious smells of snacks and fragrant cider. The barrel above the entrance was fixed as well, although, now it was purely props to avoid any future accidents. Remembering about the barrel Big Mac smirked and pushed the door, entering the bar and waiting for a moment, until his eyes accommodated to the lower light inside. He then trotted to the counter and landed there, nodding to the bartender and taking a look around the large dimly lit room. “Evening!” The bartender stallion approached, throwing the clean towel onto his shoulder and nodding back to Big Mac. “Another hard day off the chart, eh?” “Eeyup!” McIntosh sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Any problems, Macky?” the bartender leaned on the counter. “You look… disappointed.” “Was at the hardware shop,” huffed Big Mac. “Out of hinges and some other stuff. Ah say, the corral fence won’t repair itself… without parts, but nopony cares there!” The bartender even raised his eyebrow at the unusually talkative client, while Mac smirked ironically and continued. “Seriously, Ah’m thinking about ordering the necessary details at the smithy. As it is working again and… Hey, you’re back to business as well,” chuckled he, winking at the bar owner. “Yeah,” the stallion shrugged, addressing another customer and quickly fulfilling the order. “I’m not even going to make Rainbow Dash and the human ponies non grata here. They paid for the damage, they inflicted, more than enough. Separately, of course!” he chuckled insinuatingly, causing another smirk on Big Mac’s muzzle. “Speaking of which,” the bartender nodded shortly towards the customers and, taking another attentive look around, Big Mac noticed the human at the farther darker corner of the room, alone behind the table, deep into his thoughts, sitting his back to the rest of the visitors. Alex’s light shirt and height made futile his unambiguous attempt to stay as unnoticed as possible; there was some obvious empty space between his seat and the rest of the customers. “Ehhhhh…” breathed out Big Mac meaningfully, quickly noticing all the worrying details. “Yeah,” the bartender made a face. “We miss only some rain and lightning here, storm clouds galore though. And if you look, what he is drinking…” Applejack’s brother leaned over the counter, throwing his glance at the bottle, he was subtly demonstrated, making quick notice of deep golden liquid inside and… an alicorn on the label. He could only whistle quietly. “And… how many?” “Six doubles,” the bartender looked at him fixedly, raising one eyebrow. “Or maybe this one is the sixth, I myself am a bit… impressed,” concluded he. “By the way, cider as usual?” he raised the empty glass. “Nnope…” slowly said Big Mac, he watched the human still. “Ah think, a large coffee is exactly what Ah need this evening, mate. Ah’ll be there.” He slowly left his seat and headed to the “stormy” corner of the hall. “Good evening, partner!” Big Mac walked around the table and faced the hall, so his muzzle was lit and recognizable, or at least so he hoped. “Won’t you mind?” “Umm… Oh… Yeah, ev-vening…” Alex’s eyes focused on his collocutor with a fraction of a second delay. “Feelest… thyself like home,” the wide gesture was a bit strained and it seemed that Alex’s aiming system was to resort to some noticeable correction all the time. Yet he held quite nicely, considering the amount of “green snake” envenomation, Alex was undergoing. “Letting out stress after a hard work day?” Big Mac inquired innocently, placing himself across and watching Alex fixedly. “Oh, yeah…” chuckled Alex sadly. “Rather morning… gah… mourning, mate… rather… mourn-ning.” “What exactly?” the stallion didn’t feel himself an epitome of artistry, but obviously it was enough for Alex in his current condition. “Well, I know about the… about what happened at the dam, but… The search is still going and they didn’t find anypony.” McIntosh looked embarrassed. “You know, what I mean… They found nothing yet, so…” “That’s…” Alex stumbled and stifled a hiccup. “That’s a part of it… A big part… but not the only…” “But…” Big Mac raised his glance. “You definitely scored otherwise… Ah mean your work and stuff. Alex, it seems, you have more orders than you can make in time. Not something to mourn, pal.” Big Mac suspected, what the human could try to muffle with alcohol, but the problem unearthed appeared deeper than his expectations. “Exactly!” Alex supported his exclamation with a wide sway of his glass, but managed to keep the liquid inside it; he squinted at the customers behind and continued quieter. “Exactly. That’s prb… prob-bably the only thing about me going well, mate – mine m-machines. Everything else, I touch, crumbles to dust almost at once. Everything… Pfff!” Alex huffed quietly, the bursting gesture of the free palm supposed to show, how exactly the stuff around got screwed. “Errmmm… Ah still think, you overdramatize a bit,” Macky balanced on the thin line between sympathy and healthy scepticism; he nodded to the bartender bringing him coffee and turned back to Alex. “But if you have to tell anything…” “Oh, tis not a secret, methinks it’s obvious enough,” Alex’s wry smile looked rather painful. “And I hardly drama… tize much.” “Look hither,” Big Mac listened quietly and Alex continued with a sigh. “I got hither… I-I mean to Equestria… purely by an… hic!.. accident. I didn’t ask to take me… and I w-wasn’t asked,” he glanced at his collocutor meaningfully. “I’ve lost mine past in… a wink,” Alex tried to click with his fingers and succeeded at the third attempt. “Well… It wasn’t… mine past at that moment… it was my present… ahhh… Whatever!” “I’ve lost my everything,” added Alex quietly in a minute. Only Big Mac could hear the next phrase. “Except mine bucking phobia and “luck”.” Alex made a sip and Big Mac noticed that his glass bottom was barely covered already; nevertheless, the human barely reacted to the “fiery” drink going down his system. McIntosh inwardly shuddered. ‘How much is actually sitting inside him already?’ Meanwhile Alex caught the tail of own thought again. “Thank… fully, I appeared to be more stable than I even expected,” Alex smirked, focusing on the stallion across. “I didn’t go… nuts, when I realized, where I got…” “Eeyup!” confirmed Big Mac with a tiny smile. He was to admit that Alex accommodated quite easily for the situation; normally, someone finding themselves among the sentient ponies could need more time and effort to keep sanity. “I didn’t… I… I probably even found mine place hither, sorta… at least for now…” Alex fell silent, trying to stay coherent, apparently, long distance logical chains troubled him at the moment. “Despite, I didn’t feel myself belonging.” He sighed and stifled another hiccup. “It’s a complex question – belonging,” accurately noticed Big Mac. “I guess nopony feels “belonging” somewhere new right away…” “Oh, I have plenty of time now… to learn… to belong… or not,” huffed Alex sarcastically, making Jackie’s brother raise one eyebrow. “That’ssss… That’s en-encouraging, mate, indeed!” “Anyway…” Alex stumbled upon some other thought and it made him pull a long face at once. He lowered his voice and leaned over the table. “I fell in love… Mac, can you imagine? I couldn’t ever… in mine… previous life. For the pony girl.” “That’s not a secret,” chuckled Big Mac quietly. “Fluttershy is an awesome young mare. Congratulations, pal! Ah would wonder, if you did not,” added he with a wink. “Ehhhh…” breathed out Alex and Big Mac inwardly praised the absence of the candle on the table, so the human couldn’t turn into a fire-breathing dragon at least; McIntosh tried his coffee instead, enjoying the aroma. “Thou didn’t listen to the whole story. Moreover, I fell in love with two mares, mate. Two!” Big Mac hummed meaningfully, nodding Alex to continue. “Both recipe… rectipro… Damn! Re-ci-pro… mmm… return love. And I can’t choose, I simply can’t,” Alex squeezed his temples, leaning his elbows on the table. “What a loser!” “Errmmm… Normally you must, sooner or later,” noticed Big Mac quietly. “Oh, believest me, mate, I know that arrant!” groaned Alex, making a mare behind the nearest table throw a reproachful glance at them; he startled her amidst the tender talk with her stallion. Alex lowered his voice. “I love both… equally! They are different, but each is… unique and dear to me on her own.” Big Mac wondered, how suddenly Alex got over a long phrase almost without stumbling, as if the alcohol fell back in front of the passion. He leaned closer to the human. “Okay, one is Fluttershy… And another?” “Wait…” stallion’s eyes dilated, when Mac suddenly realized. “Another is… princess Luna?!” He carefully looked around, if anypony heard that; Alex simply nodded, drooping his head. “Ah… Ah saw you both once… in my dream,” Big Mac still couldn’t believe entirely. “Ah knew, you were not a part of it. Not both… not that way.” “But HOW?!” asked he; Alex understood the exact sense of Mac’s question, squeezing out a smile. “At least… I can trust thee, mate. Thou shan’t tell anypony… Luna visited mine dreams… upon arrival,” Alex took a breath and spilled the beans. “Henceforth I share her ability to… “sleepwalk”… But I’m connected to her and… can’t visit any other’s dreams,” whispered he after Big Mac’s gasp. “So, forsooth, Fluttershy and Luna.” “Yeahhhhhh…” Big Mac let out air slowly, like the loco let out steam. “There is no easy solution here, Ah admit…” He made a large sip of his coffee and rubbed his muzzle pensively. “I know for sure, each of us will suffer, whichever choice I make,” dropped Alex. “Damn it! I don’t even want… to make that choice, knowing it will hurt them both anyway. Sss-sometimes I think that it would be better for me to… simply vanish,” he fell silent for a long while. “Although, I don’t know… if that can save them from suffering… Mayhap after some long time. Not myself though.” “It’s a case of no win,” Alex tiredly closed his eyes and hunched over his glass. “No… Better say, I see no way of winning without hurting somepony. I can’t s-solve that equation, Mac. So, I’m ruining mine present… and I have no future because of that. I even ruining somepony’s else life by mine mare… damn… mine mere presence here.” McIntosh sighed and examined his cup fixedly, while Alex elaborated further in half voice. “I’m sure, Luna… is fine with how it is going now. She was more judicious and cool-headed always… But Shy…” Alex ran his fingers through his hair forcedly, as if pulling them hard could stimulate some fresh ideas. “Man, it sucks! And I put into it… as deep as I only could.” “Eeyup!” Big Mac shook his head, making another sip; the coffee cooled down. “Alex, you know, the booze won’t solve the problem, right?” “I know, it can’t be solved that way,” squinted Alex. “I’m not looking for the solution hither!” he raised his glass slightly, looking at his collocutor through the contents, which noticeably decreased. “I wanted to switch, to be able to muffle the pain…” “But it works like shit!” Alex smirk was bitter like a box of hot peppers from Apples’ field. He leaned on the table heavily. “Dost thou know, what happened on Ponyville Dam, Mac,” choking on words, Alex swallowed a lump. “A tragic incident!” firmly said McIntosh, keeping a poker face. Alex closed his eyes. “Two ponies died…” “That’s not confirmed yet, partner!” “…because I tried to save them… and failed! Tried…” repeated Alex with a tear in his voice. “At which time I was to simply do! But I. bucking. Failed! All because of I’m afraid of the bucking heights, Mac.” “Eeyup! But you at least tried,” retorted Big Mac with pressure. “Not that you stood and watched, what could happen.” “I could equally do that instead…” Alex hiccupped, his eyes glistened treacherously. “Same shit, mate, same… shit!” “Nnope!” firmly dropped Macky, looking at Alex fixedly. “And you know, it’s not the same. You should stop kicking yourself all the time for what you couldn’t change…” “I was thither already,” hissed Alex, making the closer customers pay attention again. “I almost held him on the hoof, Mac! I needed only a second more… to take them out, but I had none, because of the fucking acrophobia.” “He brought his daughter with him,” groaned Alex, his eyes became wet. “Macky, he brought his daughter… to show her his workplace. Arrant safe, as one could assume… if thither were no monsters…” “Exactly!” the stallion took him on the shoulder. “Why are you blaming yourself then. Could you change that?” “I see his eyes!” whispered Alex, apparently, he couldn’t hear Mac’s reasoning. “Each fucking time… I close mine, more than for a minute… I see his eyes, his hopeful glance, Mac. That poor stallion… he believed I could save them… and I didn’t, I didn’t believe in myself enough to do.” “I see them every time!” repeated he, gulping forcedly. “Hardly can ever forget…” Both fell silent for a while, both knew how to treat things rationally… But one couldn’t find any strength to call for rationality and another realized that he could hurt rather than heal. “I could hope for the only way out…” Alex exhaled noisily. “Out of some of mine woes at least… I can’t say, I’m ready to live with two lives on mine account, but I can’t do anything about that either, shall… live with it somehow,” Alex chuckled painfully. “Thou knowest the latest news, Mac? No?” “I’m unable to leave Equestria, mate!” Alex spread his arms, shrugging and leaning on the backrest; he was to hold on the table not to fall. “Ti… Princess Celestia notified me recently… quite unambiguously, that mine magical res-sistance… maketh them unable to send me back to Earth safely. I’m stuck hither…” “Wait,” Alex suddenly remembered something else, which made him cringe. “It’s even more interesting… They found out… Celestia and her… specialists,” Alex scoffed. “That they can’t predict mine lifespan, Mac. Namely, they can’t say how long I shall live… with all that.” Big Mac exhaled slowly and Alex nodded meaningfully. “Yeah, mate. I’m stuck hither and I have no idea how long for. Fascinating, isn’t it?” Big Mac kept silence, he felt his eyes became slightly bigger than normal, despite the thought, he wasn’t the one easy to impress or shock. “So, I supposed that if ‘t be true we couldn’t… solve the equation, we may try to remove… one variable arrant. Simplify it, so to speak,” Alex smirked. “And no… No solution. No escape. No remedy! Although…” “You want to escape?” Big Mac blinked and looked into Alex’s eyes, which wasn’t a simple task already. “And what else can I do?..” Alex leaned on the table again. “We broke with Fluttershy… I admit, I got mad at her attempts at pampering me, mate… But I regret that we didn’t even try to solve the problem differently. I can’t stay with one of the girls, not breaking another’s heart and mine own. I can’t sleep… I can’t forgive myself for the… dam…” he took a breath fitfully and added. “And now I find out that I am to live with all that… nopony knows for how long.” Alex downed the remnants of his drink and stared at the empty glass pensively, as if not knowing what to do with that trouble. “Eeyup,” nodded Big Mac. “You are right, Alex. Life can be painful very often… but you still can fight it, partner, can’t you?” he softly stopped Alex, ready to call the bartender and order another drink, and shook his head slowly. “I tried, Celestia to the witness, I did,” Alex dropped his head. “But I keep returning to the dam, into that morning, no matter what… I see that worker and his daughter falling, I see myself… Merlin’s pants, I even see Fluttershy… Man, I’m regally screwed!” he raised the eyes at Big Mac, pain splashed into them, filling to the brim. “What can I do?” “Methinks to solve a problem we need to remove the source of that problem oft,” added he barely audible. “Who said thither was no way out? Thither is always some… One must find it only…” “What we really need now, mate, is to get you home,” Big Mac swallowed his cold coffee and raised on his hooves. “C’mon, big guy,” he took the glass from Alex’s hand, returning to the table. It appeared that Alex could stand more or less straight, but walking was a task too complex for him that evening; he almost fell and grabbed the table to keep balance. “Ehhhh…” sighed Big Mac, he left a few bits on the table, nodding to the bartender. “You need to hold on me, Alex, okay? We don’t want to lose you on the road,” he chuckled, supporting the human and picking his bag. Darkness filled the skies and stars were shining, when they left Bouncing Barrels, but numerous windows and torches in the streets were lit as well – the town only prepared to sleep yet. Changing position became crucial for Alex’s intoxication and whole Ponyville smudged around him in dark and bright stripes, while he surfed the suddenly unstable ground, holding on Big Mac’s shoulder and stumbling, when the road under his feet started dancing too vividly. He seemed to reach his goal, at least for a short while: the amber liquid finally got to his system, putting a powerful mental block and covering all his thoughts and troubles with merciful veil; Alex’s head was awesomely empty the first time for quite a long while, with only one lazy thought floating there – to reach the Library, before he fell asleep completely. Alex blinked and smiled to the world slowly spinning around, he grasped Mac’s shoulder firmly and forced himself to walk forward. He couldn’t remember how they reached Twilight’s home, but was sure, he managed to make from the first attempt, not falling during their slow walk. “Good evening, Mac! How can I…” Twilight looked a bit surprised, seeing Applejack’s brother on her doorstep. Then she noticed him supporting something or somepony and opened the door wider to see, who that was, her eyes stopped on the dark, tall, slowly swaying on the spot figure in the shadow. “Oh, sweet Celestia!” Twilight’s eyes widened and she stepped back, letting them both inside. “Nnope!” stated Big Mac with visible pleasure, dropping Alex’s bag from his mouth. “That’s not her, that’s only Alex. Although, he seems a bit above this mortal land tonight…” Right at that moment, Alex left without his support, made a complex pirouette on the spot and grabbed the door not to fall. He seemed to be sleeping on his two and wasn’t going to let go off his accidental anchor that easily. Twilight needed to pull him by his shirt and Big Mac nudged from behind, so, they managed to push Alex in, closing the door. Evidently, he realized that his destination was reached, as forces left Alex and he slowly kneeled on the floor, blinking and focusing his glance at Twilight with visible effort. “G-good… evening, Twilight,” Alex let out a cute smile and placed a small kiss on the nose of completely stunned Princess of Friendship; Big Mac snorted quietly and Alex added seemingly addressing the ceiling. “My kind… and caring f-friend!...” With those words Alex’s eyes closed and he sank down, stretching on the floor right where he stood. “Oh, my…” it was one of those rare cases Twilight felt helpless, wiggling her wings nervously and looking around for help. “I never saw him in that condition!” Obviously, she already felt the strong smell of alcohol, specifically at the moment her nose getting kissed. “Where…” “Ah met him at the bar,” chuckled McIntosh. “Or… better say, found him at the bar, nicely loaded already.” “I never saw him like that,” repeated Twilight, watching evenly breathing Alex. “Same!” Big Mac was more practical. “He was trying to shut the uneasy thoughts, but Ah realized, he could need some help… It didn’t look like Alex succeeded,” added he more seriously. “Thanks for walking him here, Macky!” breathed out Twilight feelingly. “What did he drink by the way?” Big Mac’s muzzle expressed surprise and mischief simultaneously, he raised one brow, telling Twilight in dramatically and trustfully lowered voice. “Old Alicorn” whiskey…” “Oh, Celestia, I need to move him to the bed somehow… but how… ugghhh! Oh… I know!” Twilight pondered aloud in the meantime; she gasped and turned to Big Mac slowly. “Wait… what?!!” “Old Alicorn” whiskey!” nodded the stallion, confirming. “Six doubles, as the bartender said…” he watched her reaction with a mix of curiosity and concern. “Eek!” Twilight produced a “rubber duck” squeak and dropped her jaw, her eyes could make Rarity jealous of their size at the moment. “You… sure? Because… f-for the majority of ponies… one shot is a… “knock out” dose.” “Eeyup!” nodded Big Mac. “Nevertheless.” He meaningfully glanced at the human. “Ah think the bartender was as shocked as you, Twilight, after Alex didn’t fall flat after the second glass. Shocked and curious, how much the human could take, otherwise he wouldn’t let him a few,” added he, while Twilight opened and closed her mouth, completely wordless. “Ahhh… Are you sure, he doesn’t need help?” she finally regained her voice, her eyes almost returned to their usual size. “He made it through the whole town on his two… with little help from me,” noticed Macky calmly. “What he needs is a good cool shower… But Ah doubt that we can… persuade him. Other than that, he needs some good sleep only. And the dose, he took, will help him, Ah’m sure.” “You sure?” re-asked Twilight, watching sleeping Alex with concern and disbelief. “Eeyup!” Apparently, Big Mac didn’t find it necessary to explain further. Together with Twilight they managed to drag Alex onto a thick blanket and only then Twilight could apply her magic to the edges, moving the whole “construction” to his sofa. She closed the door and took her breath with relief. “Keep an eye on him,” advised McIntosh. “But Ah think he will be okay… except for the darn strong headache,” shrugged he. “Thanks again, Mac!” Twilight let out a tired, but grateful smile. “I couldn’t cope without you, mate…” “No probs!” he was at the front door already. “Ah better go… Before girls start worrying.” After Jackie’s brother departure, Twilight exhaled deeply, trying to embrace her thoughts. ‘Six double shots of “Old Alicorn”… For the Harmony sake, where was his head?’ * “AAAARGHHH!!!” Alex shuddered hard and sat on his bed in a convulsive jerk, staring into the darkness and feeling large drips of cold sweat all over his forehead and neck again. He wiped his face and rubbed the temples forcedly, the heart seemed to be jumping out of his chest, while the room around him slowly stopped spinning. The bloody boosted metabolism did its unholy job, converting the alcohol to derivatives in a matter of a couple of hours and removing the most anticipated effects, leaving the most tormenting unfortunately. ‘Headache – check. The feeling of a few cats shitting in your mouth – check. Nightmares…’ Alex sighed heavily. ‘Double check!’ Alas, he was almost completely sober already, despite checking the clock told him that only three hours passed since he consumed his last shot. The merciful mental blockade crumbled to pieces, letting his usual thoughts flood his mind again. The pulsing headache and slight dizziness only made it even more disgusting, while Alex was sure he could hardly feel any worse. He swallowed a lump of sandpaper, at least that was the effect of the simplest move; Alex gasped and coughed. He just fell from Ponyville Dam, holding the earth pony filly, snuggling tight to him with silent tears… And the mere fact that it was in his dream didn’t make it easier! ‘Merlin’s pants! Ohhhh…’ Alex could benefit from some water, but the first attempt to get up caused such a massive… Alex-quake, followed by the new wave of cold sweat and faintness, that he reconsidered trying his luck and fell back weakly, mentally anathematizing everything. The hangover he had wasn’t the “light version”, unlike the oblivious effect of boozing off his problems. Alex found a pillow, thoughtfully placed by somepony under his aching head; although, the blanket was strangely under him. He couldn’t remember the events after them with Big Mac entering the Library, but it seemed he was carried that way onto his sofa and left unconscious, relieved from his boots only. The window was open as usual and the air coming in from the street was quite fresh, but trying to take the blanket from under himself was probably a “deadly trick” at that moment. Alex picked the edge after a fashion and covered himself, forcedly closing his eyes and hoping for his hangover to pass at least a bit faster; the cool air could help that supposedly. Trying not to think of the possible outcome he fell into the spinning well of his restless sleep again. The catwalk platforms were frail and felt groggy, when Alex went on them, inwardly shuddering at the view of the raging waters below. He wasn’t sure, if they could hold his weight, proceeding unconfidently slow, as they trembled under his surprisingly heavy steps. The first idea was to grab the railing to support himself on that slippery path, but somehow he couldn’t; Alex wasn’t going to fixate on that sudden inconvenience, he looked around – the dam worker was to be there. His vision was blurred and strangely reddish, maybe the rising Sun gave everything around that weird tint; the thick mist coming from the artificial waterfalls underneath made it worse and the roaring water distracted much. Alex caught himself on the thought that he moved on the catwalk quite freely, except concerning about the flimsy constructions, without his usual striking and tumbling fear at least. He didn’t have time to wonder though… Staunch Flume was there, clinging with his fore legs to the metal beam of the half-built frame under the crane. Holding on his neck, snuggling to him shakily in her devastating fear, his daughter could barely breathe, almost fainting at the look of the abyss under their hooves. Alex’s heart sank at that image, carefully he tried to approach the edge. The stallion noticed him – their only hope and help, but the his eyes dilated in terror; the muffled sound he produced wasn’t something Alex ever heard before. A mix of gasp, scream and groan, with which the stallion winced and made an attempt to move away, totally futile in his condition; the filly could only whimper faintly, but the fear in her eyes was of the same nature, as Alex could notice. The stallion squinted, closing his eyes shut and screaming something to his daughter. Alex couldn’t catch up the phrase, as Staunch Flume’s fore legs trembled and his hooves slipped off the beam. Alex was at the edge of the catwalk already, he could watch both ponies falling to the boiling wet death at the foot of the dam… for a few endless seconds, until two small figures vanished in the mist clouds below. He looked at his strong black legs and carefully retreated from the slippery edge, turning away, already seeing the exit from the catwalk, barred with the metal gate. Alex heavily trotted towards the way to freedom and… …woke up with a loud scream, wincing and sitting on his bed again, clasping his mouth. The hand was normal, his vision – as well, when Alex accommodated to the surrounding darkness. ‘Tis slightly encouraging,’ Alex smirked venomously and rubbed his face forcedly, returning to the reality completely. The nauseous thought that he is not better than them still drilled the brain, despite he tried to convince himself, he didn’t hurt anypony on purpose. ‘What about Fluttershy?’ sarcastically inquired the small inner voice. ‘Her and… Luna, if you left or decided to stay with none of them… Although, what you are doing isn’t much better…’ Cringing, both inwardly and actually, Alex tried to rise, finding that he, at last, could do that without weakness strike and vertigo was quite satisfying, if there could be anything satisfying in his condition. His head ached mercilessly though and the feeling of his tongue becoming made of sandpaper stayed; Alex groaned and headed to the bathroom, holding on the wall with one hand. ‘Ain’t thou going mad, Alex? A few more days… and nights alike, and thou art arrant mental…’ the hangover didn’t affect his night vision and Alex could enjoy his ruffled, tired, painfully squinting face in the dark rectangle of the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and red, wry smirk looked like a scoff of some demon; although, there was nothing that can’t be fixed with some rest for his body and mind both. ‘Nothing like a Seeker, eh?’ Alex sadly chuckled at his reflection and opened the tap, splashing cold water onto his face, he brushed his wet hands through the hair to straighten them and bring to nearly some order. Suddenly the bright light flooded the room, making Alex squint tightly for a second; a hoof lay on his forearm softly. “I’m sorry, Twilight,” Alex slowly opened his eyes, accommodating to the magical light and turning to her. “Did I wake you up again with my screaming?” “I heard it, but that doesn’t matter,” Twilight shrugged sleepily, wrapping in her nightgown, she looked at him with concern. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Alex.” “Kinda,” with a wry smile Alex nodded towards the mirror. “It’s all the same, Twi… these nightmares only become weirder each time. But I’m holding,” he was looking seemingly through her. “If I can call it that way.” “You seriously scared me, Alex!” Twilight shook her head reproachfully, seeing that Alex could finally react coherently. “What did you think of, drinking that much? Do you know that “Old Alicorn” whiskey is very strong? And I mean VERY.” “So, this is how it is called…” chuckled Alex sadly. “I simply asked the bartender for the strongest stuff they had and, after a short pondering, he brought me the bottle. I wanted to muffle the thoughts of my problems, of… what a problem I am. He was very surprised to see me standing straight after the first shot.” “Well, I got a couple of hours of dreamless sleep,” the fake cheerful tone of him turned out quite painful. “Mine head acheth mercilessly though,” he added quietly. “The problem seems to be solvable by removing the problem itself only…” “What are you talking about, pray tell?” Twilight strained and threw a quick glance at Alex. “It’s too late for deep thinking, Alex. Please, go back to… sleep,” she downcasted in realization. “Sorry!” “Tis okay, Twi” Alex sighed, heading back to his room past her. “Thou art right, of course. Forgivest me for waking thee…” Under her fixed and concerned glance Alex straightened the bedding, half of which appeared to be on the floor again, and nested on the sofa, putting the blanket over, not under himself this time and trying to think not, where he was going to find himself shortly after closing the eyes. “Good night, Twilight,” Alex tried his best to remove any faint tint of sarcasm from those words and watched the alicorn girl leaving him alone, extinguishing the magical light orb with a heavy sigh. He restlessly turned from side to side for a short while, when his head unambiguously told Alex that its ache would be better overcome with eyes closed; with the heavy heart Alex obeyed. The catwalks were wet and slippery, the thick mist filled everything around him and Alex wondered, how that was possible – the height was too big for water foam reaching there. The Sun barely appeared from the horizon, lighting the top of the dam brightly; where he was, the shadows were still thick though, making him stare at the platforms fixedly not to miss somepony, he came there because of. He was almost stunned by the roaring water, spilling from the seven wide “mouths” of the opened gates, and his heart and whole body froze at the first glance of the flimsy railings above the swirling abyss, chills rushed up Alex’s spine, his feet became glued to the spot at once. Nevertheless, the awfully familiar thin scream woke him up from the sudden stupor immediately, dispelling the terror and making his blood rush. Alex rushed to the voice along the catwalks, to the half-built frame under the large crane. One thought filled his mind, pulsing disturbingly, “bouncing off the walls”. ‘She?! How that could be… She can’t be hither! Merlin’s… Please, not her… Please!’ Alex made himself proceed faster, holding on the railings with one hand, but still going, despite the overwhelming heartbeat and noise in his ears. This time he had no right to fail, he wouldn’t ever forgive himself, if he did. His heart froze, when Alex came closer, so the mist revealed the awful scene: there was a pony on that dreading metal beam protruding from the catwalk, the beam becoming one of the main motives and “characters” of his nightly fears. Only one pony this time, but the colours of the coat, mane and tail would hardly make Alex flutter in terror more, than if there was half of Equestria in danger instead. She barely held on the very end of the beam already, hooves were not the best instrument to grab something round and slippery. The idiotic thought, that she had wings and thus could fly, easily avoiding the danger of that fall, didn’t even come into Alex’s mind; he knew perfectly that in situations alike Fluttershy simply couldn’t unfurl them, even if her own life depended on that – Alex could understand her. “Hold on, Shy!” in a fraction of second Alex covered the remaining distance and lay on the platform, getting to the edge and trying to reach her fore legs. “Simply hold on!” Alas, the extending part of the beam was slightly longer than his arm, Alex couldn’t grab Fluttershy’s hoof, while keeping himself completely on the catwalk. Inwardly sending the most awful damnations, Earth and Equus both knew, to the dams, bridges, waterfalls and generally any heights, Alex squinted and tried to pull forward a bit more, despite his whole body seemed to be screaming and pulling back. When his chest appeared above the boiling abyss, Alex made an inhuman attempt to suppress the feeling of entire dam suddenly spinning around him; nevertheless, his view narrowed to the thin tube again with the noise in the ears and mortal danger chilling Alex’s blood at once. He avoided looking directly into Fluttershy’s eyes, fearing that unwelcome memories might make him lose precious seconds. ‘Hold on! Please Shy, dost not let go…’ She painfully bit her lip, visibly getting tired and slowly sliding to the very tip of the metal beam, yet he was still unable to reach her fore legs. Despair made Alex take that decision at once, dispelling fear and doubts: praying for his touch not to make the construction tremble and Fluttershy slide off it, before he could catch her, Alex grabbed the beam with his left hand, forcing himself forward and firmly grabbing Fluttershy’s pastern right at the moment her fore hooves slid off. “I… got thee!” he could look into her eyes now, in the fraction of second seeing everything, they could tell each other, and realizing, he could never let her back for somepony. ‘I got thee, but we both are doomed…’ Although, his leap of faith shifted the center of mass and broke the balance: for a few seconds Alex was holding on the platform with his left leg, futilely trying to lift himself back, the next moment he slid, hanging on his left hand only and holding Fluttershy. The catwalk was so close, yet unreachably far… “Alex!” “Dost… not move!” Alex looked into her scared dilated eyes again, inwardly amazed how beautiful they were even at that moment. ‘If only I could get her back onto the catwalk…’ But he understood, that he couldn’t get the necessary swing, strong enough to throw Fluttershy up and left, to the safety of the railings; besides, the overhanging metal frame would interfere such attempts, making them dangerous. Instead of that, Alex pulled Fluttershy up a bit, making her reach and wrap her free legs around him, he still held her fore hoof like the last treasure in this world. The rising Sun lit the catwalks and two figures: human and pony, struggling for their lives, with the merciless dispassion of the theatrical spotlight. Alex gritted his teeth, feeling his left arm getting numb and aching more and more with each second, and closed his eyes… ‘Luna!!! Luna, mine love, please help… Help, if ‘t be true thou heed me!!!’ Suddenly a bright flash, brighter than the morning sun, made them both squint; the next moment some shadow eclipsed the daylight. Risking to fall Alex turned his head to see the vast wings of the blue alicorn, approaching in the halo of sunlight. She descended fast, noticing them at once and… floated in the air, desperately looking around. Luna could easily catch Fluttershy with her magic, she could grab and move anything around, but she couldn’t touch Alex with her aura, risking to inflict more damage that way. For the first time in her life the Princess of the Night didn’t know what to do. “Here!” overcoming the sharp pain Alex smirked wryly. “Closer… and above me!!!” Seeing Luna following his words and making small circles above them, Alex turned to Fluttershy. “Shy… Let thy legs off me,” seeing fear and concern in her turquoise eyes Alex breathed out. “Please. Trust me, Shy!” Shivering and shrinking from terror Fluttershy opened her legs, pulling Alex’s right arm down with her weight and letting out a small squeak; the strain in his left arm seemed to double with those movements. Feeling his fingers slowly weakening and sliding Alex realized, he had only one attempt and it was to be successful. He made the decision already and nothing and nopony could make him change his mind. “Luna! CATCH!!!” gathering all the remaining forces in one jet-like throw and feeling like if his left arm was being ripped from the shoulder by somepony, Alex launched Fluttershy as high above the beam as he could the second before his own fingers let go off the cold metal. He saw the blue aura enveloping the yellow pegasus, Luna’s fore legs catching Fluttershy and holding tight. Alex could see both girls’ dilated eyes and mouths open in silent scream… and then Luna and Fluttershy started receding. Their figures, brightly lit by the Sun, vanished in the thickening mist and the growing roar of water filled Alex’s ears… Alex opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling, the reflected light came through the window, telling about the brightening dawn; he felt like being forcedly thrown against his bed, against the pillow and blanket, like if they were the stones of the river lower bed. But he finally knew the solution for that “equation”. ‘Thither is no other way! Alas…’ Alex cringed, sitting on his sofa and wrapping himself in the blanket; he watched the darkness being dispelled outside by the morning, taking over the nightmares, but not the problems themselves. * A large raindrop, unusually cold for the summer, smacked on her; Fluttershy wiggled her nose, shaking the water off, and pulled forward her hood, hiding her muzzle and wrapping in her cloak tighter. Looking at the sky was futile – the same grey cloudy space was everywhere her glance fell, without any hope for the tiniest gap, and Fluttershy preferred to look under her hooves not to slip and fall into some pool. She left her cottage, like usually that Sunday evening, because Sunday was the day… the day it happened. Wiping a few tears Fluttershy braced herself, she was yet to cross the field of high wet grass to reach the small hill with the single large tree. The hill where… Tears ran down Fluttershy’s face like the salty waterfall, mixing with the rain water and blurring her view; risking to fall on the slippery grass, she shook her head and sped up towards the hill behind the grey veil of the rain, which mourned with her. Some part of her conscience knew perfectly that everything happening was a dream, another iteration of the same recurring nightmare she had lately. She had good as well, but that one was constantly haunting and torturing her… Yet at the same time her heart and the rest of her mind firmly believed in the reality (or maybe possibility, she never could tell) of what happened and she never did any attempt to wake up consciously, before something in her dream eventually led her to the awakening. She could stay there till darkness (or better say, till some other dream changed that one), finding some bittersweet relief in that unity; sometimes the mere glance onto the stone made her wince and wake up, biting her lip in a woeful groan, breathing hard and pulling the blanket up, like some shield. ‘It’s too rainy today, even for a bad dream…’ Fluttershy threw another glance at the low heavy skies from under the hood, squinting from the raindrops on her face. Finally – the hill, the tree spread its large branches above her, giving Fluttershy shelter from the weather as usual. But… something was different that evening, the very important detail of becoming customary to her scene was missing. Fluttershy didn’t have time to wonder, when she noticed the grass under the large tree was… flowing, because it wasn’t the grass actually, it was all tints of night sky starry mane and tail. The familiar tall silhouette detached from the tree shadows, eyes flashed in the twilight and quiet silvery voice greeted her. “Good evening, Fluttershy!” “You!!!” Fluttershy stepped back, but sounded as determined as she ever could. “What are you doing here?.. your Highness,” added she after a short, but noticeable pause. “I’m glad to see thee likewise,” the shadowy figure smirked sadly and stepped into the scarce light of the gloomy day, turning into princess Luna herself. She looked at Fluttershy fixedly. “Methinks we decided it should be simply Luna almost three years ago…” “I thought so,” nodded Fluttershy shortly. “I thought, we w-were friends… Luna. But…” she looked around, like if trying to find something, she missed. “We were friends. And we still are,” Luna’s calm voice called for Fluttershy’s prudence. “That is why exactly I came to thee, that is why and… for one obvious reason more.” “Thou can see something is missing from thy regular dream, Fluttershy,” seeing her opponent is listening, Luna took the advantage. “Things came to the moment, the tombstone can actually appear, whither we’re standing, not in thy dream only. Alex is on the edge…” “You came here, trespassed into my fears and sorrows,” quietly started Fluttershy, but her eyes sparkled. “You, who partially made him the one he became, who constantly pulled him from my hooves, who…” Fluttershy gasped, unable to continue. “And you want to talk about Alex?!” exclaimed she after a second. “Exactly!” Luna’s serene smile disarmed ready to blow Fluttershy better than any words; Fluttershy’s ears, once perked in rage, drooped and Luna elaborated. “I know that thou lovest him… and I know that thy love is pristine, Fluttershy. Thou art the only one who can help me… not allow the stone to appear in reality,” ended she with severeness. “But…” “I was unable to reach Alex’s dreams quite frequently as of late,” Luna stated without any foreword, not giving Fluttershy any time or chance to reply. “Last night even more, he… his mind was shielded from me somehow. I know, he is suffering, but I was unable to see exactly, what was befalling to him in his dreams…” “… until the last one,” the words dropped like heavy stones. “Methinks the signs were quite obvious: Alex is going to do something, we can’t allow him to do. He found out, he is unable to leave Equestria, but he is determined to do that at any cost. Deadly determined, if ‘t be true I’m allowed to say so.” Fluttershy squeaked like a wounded duckling and Luna shook her head seriously, making her mane flow in the wind. “Alas, I can’t follow him hoof by hoof, Fluttershy, staying unnoticed and standing out, at which hour it’s gravely necessary,” Luna looked deep into her scared eyes, noticing with satisfaction how they filled with determination, despite all the fears, distrust and offense. “We can’t “prevent” him from doing anything, he planned to do! He shalt simply wait for the moment and chance, and tryeth again, at which hour we least expect.” “He must be intercepted right at the moment of the highest determination, Fluttershy. Then mayhap he realizeth, the exit, he thinketh he found, is unacceptable arrant!” “Thou art the only one, who can do it!” added Luna meaningfully, leaning closer to Fluttershy, so her deep blue eyes almost filled the vision of the pegasus girl. “Thou must follow him close this upcoming day, staying unnoticed until it’s time, keeping both eyes on him, constantly!” The voice, the whole vision faded, blurring away in the milky mist. ‘…Both eyes on him! Constantly!’ sounded in Fluttershy’s head upon awakening, when she sat on her bed in a flurry, inhaling deeply, almost gasping. “Alex! No!” * One well-placed hit and the door, made of a few hurry-scurry attached wooden planks, gave up and hung on one hinge with a plaintive creak. Alex didn’t want to lose time with a massive padlock and simply kicked the plank, the rim was attached to, breaking it into halves and opening the skewed door. It was the first consciously inflicted damage, Alex made since almost four months in Equestria, not counting the tumbled chandelier in the castle during his sleepwalking shenanigans and Fluttershy’s front door, they spoiled by darts with Angel; he inwardly smirked, imagining somepony’s frustration, when his ruffian act was revealed; but the decision was made, nothing should stand in his way. Alex threw his head back, the top of the old time-worn tower was surrounded by the low clouds; the wind blew stronger up there, herding them and driving round the obstacle. The day became gloomy after the noon and precipitation looked imminent: nature was simply deciding, if it should be a mild rain or a real flood accompanied with the thunderstorm. Smooth after the partial restoration, dark brown, immovable wall towered over the landscape, looking more oppressive than ever, when he was standing right at its foot. Involuntarily Alex swallowed a lump, unsure if his acrophobia allowed him to follow the plan; he knew that it was going to give him some hard time anyway, despite he was to admit of making certain progress in fighting it lately. Following that route his thoughts naturally reached the reasons, he came here for, slowly boiling up Alex’s anger at his own weakness; weakness, which appeared to be morbid for others as well. He gritted his teeth to the rasp and stepped in, moving the “Falling bricks danger! Do NOT enter!” sign aside. Surprisingly, the spiral stairs remained in considerably good condition or were restored nicely, at least at those levels of the tower; as Alex remembered, the giant clock was built at the lower third of its height, thus at least one third of the tower must be kept in relative order and the sign was rather a precaution measure against accidental trespassers. To his relief, the named stairs went on a large wide spiral around the central trunk of the tower containing the actual rooms. A quick glance up didn’t stumble upon any visible gaps, the stairs looked solid and reliable there, unlike the Sisters’ Castle tower he first arrived to. Alex smirked sadly – it started with the tower and with the tower it would end; although that one was noticeably higher, thus not hollow in the middle. That allowed Alex to imagine, he wasn’t constantly ascending above the ground; at least he could try to, until… Until the top was reached. Alex sighed, putting his foot on the first step and inwardly burning all the bridges behind himself. That day, or better say early morning started as usual: despite the plans, or perhaps supposing that it might help him fulfil them, Alex spent about an hour on his morning “ritual” – getting to the highest balcony of the Library and sitting there, watching the waking Ponyville, sweating and forcing himself to stay, even if some part of him was pleading to run down as fast as he could. Alex couldn’t explain why he did it that day, as naturally, it must have been a waste of time; he simply felt strangely obliged to, regretting, like every morning, that he didn’t think about that method before. Before it was too late to overcome himself, while he was to act instead. Alex even noted that it took him less effort to enter the balcony this morning, coming closer to the barrier than usual. His mind got tired of fear and despair, purged by the thoughts about the possible escape, perhaps the mild remnants of his hangover smudged the effect as well. The rising Sun lit the rooftops, painting them pink, candent golden and bright silver, depending on the view angle and roof material. The long shadows of trees, flagpoles and lighting posts stretched on the ground like giant clock hands. Dense august fog disturbed by the morning unwillingly retreated from the streets, snaking to the gardens and narrow alleys, making the houses and trees there look like if they were floating on the milky sea surface. The gust of south wind ruffled his hair, bringing the smells of apples and something sweet and caramel-like; Cakes family and Pinkie seemed to be the early birds, starting the work already. Alex caught himself upon enjoying the view, being able to estimate the beauty of the landscape for the first time from the vantage point that high, not entirely fixated on getting down in one piece; that simple thought brought a sarcastic grin on his face and Alex squinted from the reminding of itself headache. ‘Right about time, Alex, right about time! How ironic…’ His gaze turned south-east and stumbled upon the distant dark mass of the Clock Tower, blurred and ghostly in the air heated by sunlight. Alex downcasted, he felt that one of the tower stones was already placed over his heart. Half an hour later Alex leaned on the bathroom sink examining his jaded face in the mirror; he was to splash a couple gallons of water onto his head to wash away the tension, but he definitely wasn’t of the same tenderly green colour that time. Looking fixedly into the bloodshot eyes of his reflection, Alex overcame the exhaustion and started shaving off the bristle, which peppered his chin since yesterday morning. ‘I wasn’t far from the truth, telling Twi, I saw not a ghost, but mine inner demons,’ concluded Alex, examining the more civilized, yet quite ruffled “demon” in the mirror, pondering how much more he could probably hold without normal sleep. He had no idea, how he was able to think coherently after the last week: contrary to his sleepwalking, when Alex consciousness was still resting in the process (the phenomenon he was unable to explain, so was Luna, despite having immensely more experience), those few nights appeared the endless sequence of nightmares and abrupt waking, hardly something capable to bring comfort and serenity to any soul. Perhaps his changed metabolism and regeneration helped Alex hold, struggling yet with the mental and physical stress, thus being his blessing and curse at the same time, considering the situation Alex got into. The stairs were quite steep and Alex thoughts returned to the Old Castle again, his arrival playing before his inner view as fresh and vivid as yesterday’s events. His own concerns and hopes of those days, made present Alex cringe. ‘You thought, the worst already happened,’ the inner voice was merciless. ‘Praying for the princesses not putting you to the jail or zoo and quickly sending back… because they had magic. Merlin’s pants, how naïve!’ Considering Celestia’s doubts about Alex, her inability to send him back to Earth wasn’t something she could overcome, otherwise she would do that with great relief. Alex was sure that Luna couldn’t help, she wouldn’t do that to him even being tempted to keep him in Equestria. Of course, she overcame their complicated relationship better from the height of her experience and temper, but that didn’t mean she liked that vagueness. If he chose another girl, her heart would be broken, regardless of how much of that she considered dignified to show. The sudden memory of the Old Castle and its garden specifically pierced Alex’s mind with the realization of one promise, he had no chance to keep; Alex was to stop and lean on the wall for a second, as his heart painfully skipped a beat. ‘Apologies, Luna! The Star Lilies stay, whither they are… if ‘t be true thither are any still,’ Alex squinted and gritted his teeth. Passing a few dozens of steps Alex was to stop for a while, making his night vision compensate the lack of light; the narrow entrance left below and the rare barred windows made the stairwell completely dark. Although, Alex was glad about that; some tiny part of him still opposed his idea aggressively and he didn’t want to give it any aid, feeding his acrophobia with picturesque views from the tower. He avoided opening any of the doors to the inner rooms due to the same reason, fearing that if any of them had no floor, the vision could shatter his determination, before he reached the goal. There was no place for curiosity, Alex slowly went higher and higher, unable to dispel his depressive thoughts. He slipped out of the Golden Oak Library right after bringing himself to some semblance of order, completely ignoring the breakfast, not even trying to cook and consume anything. Maybe the hangover unambiguously “voted” against, or maybe his body simply forgot how to operate properly. Anyway Alex did his best not to wake Twilight or Spike, especially Twilight, not to give any explanations about the last evening and moreover the upcoming day; Alex noticed at once, how their night talk with accidentally awoken Twilight planted a faint concern, which could only grow fast, if they could have a word in the morning. Although, getting away quietly wasn’t a big problem this time, as Alex didn’t take anything with him, except his pain and troubles – the luggage he was unable to get rid of, no matter how ardently he wanted to. He left through the usual exit, this time closing the window after himself with a wry grin. Visiting the smithy or any of his customers wasn’t in Alex’s plans for that day. Truth be told, he didn’t want to see or talk to anypony at all; fortunately, avoiding the town folk wasn’t a hard task in the early morning and Alex spent some time at the northern edge of Ponyville, simply watching the Sun rising higher and higher. He couldn’t confess to himself, but something prevented him of simply going directly to his aim, kept him lingering, watching trivial things, he couldn’t pay attention each day due to work. It was shameful, cringe-worthy, but deep inside Alex was scared by his idea of remedying the heartache, by the mere fact that this idea came into his mind and, apparently, he accepted it as feasible without much pondering. Some part of him struggled yet, made him delay the final act of that drama. He could roam the town for a while, despite the obvious futility of that move, because tomorrow would bring the same pain and nothing could magically change for Alex. ‘Waiting for the execution is unimaginably worse than the execution itself!’ cringed Alex, finally looking away from the fields, the already smoking smithy, the brightly shining mountain tops far to the north. That morning was wonderfully bright and with a certain bit of effort one could even see the distant bright spot of Canterlot on the mountainside. Alex headed East: the same clear sky and air made the cliffs, framing Ponyville Dam, perfectly visible, if he turned to the opposite direction; Alex was unsure, if he could tolerate that vision. Undoubtedly all his torments were written across his visibly exhausted face and Alex reconsidered about deepening into Ponyville, the day claimed its rights and avoiding the excessive attention of the ponies filling the streets, became an impossible mission. He decided to sneak through the northern outskirts of the town, not going out into the fields though, where he was visible from the great distance, but using the narrow backstreets and shadowy alleys, not fully awake yet. There was another reason as well: Alex had a feeling of being followed, he could have sworn that it appeared almost right after leaving the Library through the ground floor window. That exactly feeling, when he couldn’t tell, why it appeared, as he couldn’t notice anything strange or anypony suspicious, regardless of if he turned around fast or looked over the shoulder subtly. Nevertheless, wherever Alex walked, crossing the larger already herded streets quickly, hiding in narrow passages between houses, being seemingly completely hidden in the shade of lush trees of ponyvillers’ gardens, that strange watching eye never released him. Alex was to admit that he didn’t feel any threat, but the general impression was disturbing to some extent. ‘Congratulations, hay-head!’ grinned Alex venomously. ‘Thy nightmares and concerns finally paid back, thou art going insane, mine friend!’ That assumption, if being justified, spoke in favour of his decision; inability to think coherently was among the few things Alex feared the most and desired to avoid. Alex passed a few more spans… everything in the stairwell of the round tower looked quite similar, but a few differently barred windows let Alex feel that he was proceeding. Making all the possible precautions not to slip on the smaller stones, littering the stairs here and there – the memory of his fall in the Old Castle tower was still quite vivid, not something one wholeheartedly wanted to repeat. ‘Hmmm… That could help solve the problem otherwise…’ at that thought Alex even laughed aloud and the echo of his voice blasted in the stairwell and rolled along fading in the darkness far above. The sound of his laughter, voicing quite creepy in the old abandoned stone tube, shook Alex and sobered him up fast. ‘Yeah, errmmm… ‘t was a bad idea!’ shuddered Alex, not risking to say that, when the silence, disturbed only by accidental stone crackling, reigned again. Dust, cobwebs, although it wasn’t clear, whom local spiders hoped to catch in the complete darkness, except each other, wooden flinders, perhaps the remnants of restoration scaffolding – Alex’s night vision gave him the complete image of neglect, despite the lower part of the tower was masterfully restored. He sighed, imagining the condition of the stairs on the upper levels and the troubles, supposedly waiting for him there. The overall picture of coexisting order and management semblance with visible neglect and mess made Alex smirk sarcastically. ‘Isn’t my life practically the same now?’ Alex stepped over an old wooden beam, checking first, where that thing could fall from. ‘I try to pretend everything is normal, everything happening is exactly as it supposed to be, while actually, I should ask myself, how the hell I came to that bloody mess.’ ‘I was torn from my native and familiar world and thrown here without anyone giving a damn about my own opinion about that. I don’t belong here, but everypony, including me, keeps pretending that it’s merely a temporary inconvenience and all I need is to keep living further, until I eventually accept the surrounding as my new home.’ ‘I found myself among the sentient ponies,’ Alex stumbled and sneezed from the cloud of dust he swept from the wall, holding on it to keep balance. ‘Which I thought were a part of a bucking kids show, but appeared to be real… If we think better, even more real in this world, than I am. And on the top of it, I’m in the relationship with two girls.’ ‘Two PONY girls, Alex!’ but his mind evidently didn’t find any contradiction, accepting that. ‘Actually loving them both,’ Alex stopped, his heart painfully winced. ‘I’m completely aware of my feelings being genuine and I treat them as my women… in all the senses. Unable to choose, unable to break one’s heart and my own… Merlin’s pants, I love two mares and it’s completely fine with me!’ “And one more is dreaming about making me her own,” whispered Alex with a wry grin, remembering about Rarity. ‘Still, that didn’t make me belong here more,’ Alex stopped for a minute. ‘The girls are friendly… Well, except Rainbow… because they are quite unique anyway. Damn, they are the Elements of Harmony after all! Many treat me as an interesting stranger, some – as a scientific interest, quite a few – as a potential danger…’ ‘…including princess Celestia, by the way!’ Alex forcedly pushed himself from the wall, he was leaning onto. ‘I’m the source of constant tension and suspicions for her and I hardly err, supposing her dearest dream to be getting rid of me and returning things to their usual, normal state.’ ‘I could have hoped, she found the way to send me back and end this…’ Alex swept the cobweb off his way, pondering how high he had climbed already. Judging by him not reaching the large clock yet, and Alex was sure, he could hear it, he still was lower than roughly one-third of the tower. ‘But she can’t!’ Alex chuckled sadly. ‘I wonder, who was surprised by that more: me, finding out that Tia can’t do something, tied with magical limitations, or her… for the same reason!’ Remembering, how at the top of all that he was informed, nopony was going to predict his lifespan, considering his immense regeneration levels and supposedly still ongoing changes, Alex groaned. He wasn’t simply going to be a stranger there, he was going to be a stranger forever technically. If nothing supposed to change, of course… but Alex knew only one method of changing things at that moment. He didn’t want to be some freak, a source of troubles and distress, and constant threat, even if the latter was somepony’s farfetched assumption; yet he didn’t have a variety of means to avoid that either. The simple thought that even if he could somehow (in pure theory) return to Earth, he would hardly be accepted the same as before his sudden journey, made Alex almost howl – he became a stranger even for his own kin. Alex remembered the words of Discord well, that supposed travel back to his home world wouldn’t change or revert any of his already received abilities. Even if Alex could probably hide his regeneration – he wasn’t a fan of getting locked in yet another research facility to the end of his days… which wasn’t going to come soon (Alex facepalmed at the mere image of that), even in that case people surrounding him were to be completely blind not to notice that he didn’t age, despite quite some time passed. Not to mention him being doomed to stay alone in that case… after witnessing all his friends passing one by one; he preferred not to think that the same problem existed, if he stayed on Equus. Alex stopped again and closed his eyes. Friends… Did he still have any left on Earth? Alex remembered his old dream about his own funeral. The reality was cruel: having no information about him, his parents most likely admitted him being dead and already tried to live with that fact. Same for Elen and others… Would he have any chances to show up, out of the blue again, after all that? Moreover, would he have any chances to prove that he was the same Alex, they knew and loved? It seemed Alex had the answer; the one providing no optimism. Parents… His last dream, one of a few and rare normal lately, where Alex didn’t fall or fail to save somepony from the dam, was about his parents exactly. Or rather about his mother, as she was the one he saw, assuming father was somewhere in the house as well, as it was the late evening in Alex’s dream. The memory of her being glad to see him evidently, not treating him like a ghost or a hallucination, called a small warm smile on Alex’s face; he squinted, like if some dust got into his eye. She was concerned about her son, asking him something, most likely about his wellbeing and about troubles clouding his life, as she seemingly noticed Alex’s gloominess. Although, he wasn’t sure, if he answered any of her concerns, moreover, if he said a single word during that dream. But mother’s heart was happy to have even that, to be able to see even the silent presence of the one she loved. That was Alex’s mom he remembered from his previous life; he was afraid to admit that in reality she would be deadly scared to see him again most likely. The coveted belief, everything can be reverted to normal, was exactly the strongest of motives, driving Alex to try and return to his home world. Even if rational thinking had a few doubts. For example, Elen: a year, maybe slightly more, and she would look for someone else to… ‘I won’t be surprised, if she is already having exaggerated attention from guys around,’ Alex sighed, inwardly accepting that as a common order of things. ‘She needeth some time to release me and resign herself, but that’s inevitable.’ ‘Shan’t the same befall to Shy and Luna, if ‘t be true I suddenly vanish? It looketh like the best way out of otherwise unsolvable situation. Someone needeth to accept the responsibility of making that decision. Why not me then?’ Alex was perfectly aware of him being able to avoid both girls completely in one case only. Reaching the eastern edge of the town Alex crossed the bridge over the wide stream and dived into the crops field, trying to cross it as fast as he could, using the few small bosquets for cover. Gaining anypony’s attention, let alone getting into Rarity’s field of view was undesired. Besides, Alex remembered that he could easily meet Rainbow Dash there, unless she had her midday nap at the moment; she would enjoy the opportunity of some revenge though, as she had no chance to pay him for the accidental cider shower back yet. Thus Alex took a deep breath, when he reached the dense foliage of the Eastern Orchard only, hiding under the lush crowns of the old apple trees. Normally he would leave it behind to reach another field at the south, where the direct road to Fluttershy’s cottage was laid, but not at that day. Alex’s aim and the persistent feel of the foreign eye watching him, which alternated between strong and almost insensible eventually, but never vanished completely, made him sneak through the edge of the orchard, passing the pegasus girl’s home unnoticed and approaching the final point. The mere look of the old dark giant Clock Tower, standing in the open field like a silent guard, the most durable and loyal from the whole garrison of once unshakable stronghold (a few pieces of walls and single stones still lied here and there near the tower), made chills run along Alex’s spine. Later he was to admit that it was a pure strike of faint-heartedness, which made him took further East and pass the tower, finally reaching the edge of Everfree and dropping under the large shadowy tree, as his legs suddenly felt limp and cold sweat ran down Alex’s back. Alex asked himself often, what would have happened, if that moment of weakness didn’t occur. Inwardly scolding himself for that weakness, yet unable to fight it effectively, Alex spent quite some time under that tree, hidden by the spinney and trying to bring suddenly hesitant thoughts to some order. He had no idea how long he spent at his forced halt, but when Alex woke from his concerns and fears, the day passed noon, the weather changed completely and irrevocably, low clouds gathered from somewhere and the rain became almost promised. But the main thing: the signs of that strange feeling of being observed left Alex alone entirely, for the first time since morning, or became that subtle, he couldn’t register them. He took that as an encouraging symptom, quickly getting up and heading to the tower, hurrying to utilize his sudden serenity, before anything distracted him again. The dark, smooth below and chipped and stained with weather above mass of the Clock Tower didn’t obviously become more attractive or friendly since morning. The shadows of running clouds and wind whistling in the holey walls at the top didn’t add any charm to it, even if Alex approached the tower from the west, where the small entrance door… and the Sun, showing itself rarely in the gleams, currently were. Risking to have another anxiety attack, Alex threw up his head and watched the top, almost dissolving in the clouds; he broke the wooden plank, holding the padlock, and started his ascension. Alex came back to reality with the strong hum and regular ticking, he could hear and even feel, touching the rough cold stone wall. He couldn’t hold his curiosity back and opened the door at the next loop of the spiral stairs, freezing on spot in awe and giving due attention to the giant clock mechanism, occupying the large hall taking the whole space in the central trunk on that level. Alex rather felt than saw the faint metallic luster of large cogs slowly and nobly turning in the darkness, involuntarily wondering how the whole heavy precise mechanism was set in motion, despite the obvious and most natural answer was – magic. The cogwheels, the chains, the smooth, accurately matched and managed shafts, kept their measured work; they paid no attention to others’ surprise or admiration, having the incomparably more important task. They counted everypony’s time! Closing the door respectfully, Alex went a few stairs up, finally coming to an obstacle. The wall crossing the stairwell was obviously a new construction, built much later than the whole tower. Made of wood it was nevertheless solid and extremely durable compared to the entrance of the building. Another door of the same nature blocked his way up, carrying the similar caution sign, warning strangers about the danger of climbing the old tower ruins. Thankfully it was locked with a large bar only, as the proper lock would take a lot of time or even make Alex retreat. With a considerable effort Alex slid the bar aside and pulled the door, it didn’t want to give up, seemingly weighing tons, like if it was made of stone or metal instead. Alex strained his muscles to the limits and could move it very slowly, little by little separating from the wall and opening wide. Immediately he was hit into the back with the air flow that strong, that Alex almost fell on his knees on the stone stairs, releasing the door, which slammed into the wall. The whole tower sighed loudly, almost deafening Alex, making his hair stand on ends at once and chills run up his spine; he shuddered, hearing the wind whistling and roaring far above in the holes and windows of ruined parts of the walls. Apparently, restoration didn’t yet touch that part of the trunk or perhaps was considered unnecessary and the whole tower didn’t have any closed doors or solid walls across the remaining stairwell. With the holes at the top that turned it into an aerodynamic tube, making that strong draft possible; cold sweat covered Alex’s forehead and he almost panicked, imagining the height necessary to create such pressure and temperature difference and the resulting wind. That was the reason of the door sudden and unusual “weight”. Alex clenched to the doorframe to the whitening knuckles, fearing that his shaking legs turn him back and rush away from that place. It took him a good few minutes to return to some semblance of straight thinking. ‘Fuck you, Alex! Don’t be a foal-sissy! That’s exactly what you came here because of…’ Alex almost threw himself into the doorway, stomping across the step heavily and shakingly. The even breath of the tower picked him and pushed forward. ‘What’s my purpose here?’ the wind wasn’t that strong in the wide stairwell, but Alex felt the constant draught following and flowing around, as that door was opened; like if some foreign touch was guiding and supporting him in his endeavour. ‘What I can do the best is not needed here… what I can do well, as it suddenly appeared, while of course capable to ease somepony’s life much, is hardly some unspeakable advantage. They have lived without that before, naturally, they can cope further. Was I brought here because of the Seekers indeed, like some sort of a weapon?’ Alex cringed, the mere thought of being a tool in some hands or hooves or whatever else didn’t rub him well apparently. ‘What if I don’t want to?’ Alex paltered, he knew pretty well, that he wouldn’t be able to stand aside, seeing somepony suffering. Exactly that trait brought him to the top of Ponyville Dam, making him not a saviour, but the witness of the tragedy. He was to stop for a moment again and close his eyes, fighting the strong urge to howl and beat the stone walls. It was stronger than him, in his grief Alex completely ignored at least one evident fact – if he wasn’t brought to Equestria, nopony could prevent that infamous timberwolf from pouncing Fluttershy. ‘If I’m a weapon, then a faulty one… Sure thing, I can inflict major damage to the Seekers, but when it comes to defending somepony, I’m a disaster… Not mentioning the pain I bring to some particular ponies…’ From Luna and Fluttershy Alex’s thoughts fluently reached their concerns, especially those of Fluttershy; while the desire to keep him away from the “front line” was generally understandable, her and others’ attitude towards the blacksmith and Alex’s cooperation with Will looked irrational. The blacksmith, Willsmash Steel… and his niece: Alex felt a faint sting of conscience, he was practically dropping them midway, when the life finally changed colour for them for the more optimistic one. Alex tried to convince himself that he did for them enough before leaving, for Will and Sil having a competitive advantage even against the background of large companies. The simple thought that they had only approached the stage, when they could try to restore the smithy reputation, thus gain some actual customers, didn’t occur apparently. Besides, there was a certain possibility that Will and Silver Ingot wouldn’t want to use the advantage received for that price. Still, he wholeheartedly hoped that Willsmash could use the improvements, Alex already implemented, and maybe even those he had time to describe only. At least that part of his deeds shouldn’t be a failure. The stairs became chipped, walls uneven, with smaller blocks missing here and there; apparently untouched by the restorers. More debris littered the steps, mostly dust and small stones, so, Alex doubled the attention, choosing where to put his feet not to stumble and inwardly chuckling at his caution. ‘Doth it really matter now?’ It was a bit brighter there, as the rare windows were unobstructed on that height. Even not approaching them Alex could assume the weather turned worse since he entered the tower: the clouds became thicker, the sky darkened and he fancied the distant sound of thunder, but couldn’t spot the lightning – the storm was far away yet. Alex passed more stones, dry leaves, brought here by strong winds; a few old feathers told him that probably some hawk had its humble abode there for a while and some unfortunate birds met their end in that tower. He was going to leave slightly more behind than a bunch of feathers, but Alex wasn’t sure, if he wouldn’t leave way more woe. ‘I wonder, if ‘t be true somepony, except Shy and Luna, shalt regret mine absence,’ Alex stepped over the feathers and continued ascending. ‘Mayhap Rarity, but I’m sure, her interest is a passing crush, it shalt dissolve in daily routines, being impulsive and purely… inspirational. Well, I really extend mine hope she suffereth not.’ He actually regretted about Twilight, who sympathized him sincerely and never actually tried to influence his decisions, wisely stopping exactly at the thin border of friendly advice. Her regal mentor, Celestia, on the contrary, never stopped considering Alex some sort of a threat, staying on the side of caution; she would feel major relief rather, seeing the source of so many troubles (actual and suspected ones) removed without much effort and questionable ethics. “I’m more than sure that Lyra will miss her favourite study subject,” muttered Alex with a wry smile. He swept the momentary thought that Lyra could be the reason for that sense of persecution, he had earlier that day, as she hardly could stay effectively unnoticed for that long. Truth be told, Alex was cautious enough, needing no witnesses of his walk. “But that’s about all…” He was a complete stranger for everypony else, regardless to his helpfulness; ponies were of no difference from people here – being generally friendly didn’t mean actually caring much of… an alien. Maybe fillies, especially Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, and Jackie would be sad, because of him vanishing just as suddenly as he appeared. Pinkie became undecided about him right when Alex bucked up his relationship with Fluttershy, not blaming him directly and solely, but eager to put him on the “right track”, not listening to his reasons. The worst thing was – Alex admitted to agreeing with her on many points. Rainbow Dash… ‘Rainbow shalt be arrant happy,’ rolling his eyes Alex tried to keep away from yet another window, not risking to take a look through, before reaching his actual aim – the top. ‘Methinks she shalt be even happier than Tia about the… “automatically solved” problem and definitely shan’t hide her feelings.’ ‘So what doth that leave me? I’m most likely already dead for those I cared about on Earth… Hither then…’ Alex sighed. ‘Hither me vanishing shall hardly bring more harm than good.’ Something softly smacked in his face; Alex didn’t have time to become surprised or scared, he simply took off this large flat damp object, pensively examining the large leaf of some tree, thrown there by the sudden gust of wind through one of the holes in the tower wall. That leaf reminded him of… Alex couldn’t catch the memory, spinning the silvery-green, almost glowing surprise in his fingers, then shoved it into his pocket for some reason. It definitely meant something, something he couldn’t recall right at that moment, being on another loop of his painful reflections. The dam tragedy became the last drop of poison, which turned his newly found reality into the complete mess. Whatever he tried, Alex had no naïve illusions – he wouldn’t be able to get rid of those nightmares completely. Each time, he went to sleep, returned him to Ponyville Dam and Alex was to look into that poor stallion eyes, watch that glance full of faith in the sudden “saviour” and fail to fulfil that hope. Each time differently, sometimes he even saw somepony else in place of that technician and his daughter… but every time he returned to the vision of the silently waiting for help glance and their endless drop to the bottom of the artificial deadly waterfalls. Each time Alex woke up in cold sweat from the pleading scream of that filly, hearing upon awakening his own painful groan. Alex saw no way to stop that happening, he couldn’t sleep normally, he couldn’t sleepwalk most of the time; how he could keep his legs was a mystery for him, as he felt exhausted lately, tumbled by those nightmares and guilt. It didn’t matter, if it was justified or not. Of course, time might heal that wound at least partially, but Alex didn’t know, if he could keep his sanity long enough for that. Besides, time was the only thing he had, instead of any solace; plenty of time, almost eternity, if he was going to believe Tia’s medics and mages. That single thought could make anypony insane, for Alex it became a real torture: seeing no way out, he was to seek it as long as he kept breathing. ‘I had no chance to talk to their relatives… The girl must have had the mother at least,’ Alex gritted his teeth, squinting; the sorrow took his throat in a tight grasp. ‘A shame… and a blessing at the same time. I don’t know how to look into her eyes… how to tell her, what actually happened to her foal and husband. Damn it!!! It looks a worse perspective than standing on the top of the dam again.’ He wasn’t sure, if anypony left of that family would even want to see him; whatever they were told, that would be enough most likely to imagine the tragedy in general. ‘Whom to blame likewise!’ concluded Alex, inwardly admitting that he couldn’t rebuke them either. Alex accommodated to the seemingly palpable darkness that well, so, passing another turn he almost got blinded for a short moment, by the sudden bright (in comparison to the stairwell) light. Protecting his blurred eyesight with the hand Alex observed the white spot at the tower wall, when he realized that it was actually a giant hole in it; the huge part of the wall was missing, destroyed by time or by a sudden thunderbolt strike. Feeling the ice in his stomach Alex quickly turned away from the large gap and carefully passed that place, clinging to the inner wall of the tower, keeping his eyes fixated at the stairs, not to throw an accidental glance at the ground far-far below, and shuddering from the sudden chills. The wind was indeed stronger and colder here, but Alex felt, as if it was sending its frozen breath right into his soul, through the fissures of his miserable life. He was approaching the top and the dark clouds with rare gleams seemed touchable, if Alex could dare to stretch his hand outside. His only two rays of light here, two mares he loved and valued, were just as close and at the same time unreachably far from him, as Alex was unable to stay with one, thus rejecting another and starting to disgust himself. Alex wouldn’t be able to do that with either Luna or Fluttershy for a number of reasons: he loved each too much to break her heart; he knew that another, despite being chosen and supposedly happy about that, would never stop feeling the presence of another and unwitting competition, jealousy and suspicions; Alex would also suffer from those reasons and from the once-and-forever choice he would have made. Without that choice it seemed, there was no future for him in Equestria, unless the endless suffering, doubts and regrets were accepted as feasible one. ‘Leaving both would be only fair methinks,’ Alex was to admit, that blasphemous thought being reasonable, despite highly unwelcome. ‘We will regret that decision and look for excuses to break it, but the time could heal forsooth, if ‘t be true I could vanish from their lives only…’ With the latest news from Celestia that appeared to be impossible: Alex couldn’t be sent from Equus anywhere, not by the magical means leastwise. Leaving Ponyville or whole Equestria in addition to being problematic, as Alex could use only land or sea transportation, wasn’t yet an option. Their bonds with Luna wouldn’t simply dispel, being unable to hold themselves from seeing each other, they would betray Fluttershy that way only. Previously Alex wondered, if his hypothetical departure to Earth could “break the connection”, realizing it would become a real torture, if not. But at least that problem was effectively solved by the Royal Mage Council: no meant no, without any stipulations. Alex knew that princess Luna and Fluttershy became friends shortly after Luna’s return; Fluttershy, the Kindness embodied, along with Twilight helped the princess to rehabilitate for the pony society, not causing dread anymore. Luna was to overcome her estrangement and Fluttershy – her trepidation at the face of the mighty Night Princess, but since they succeeded, Fluttershy became one of the few closest friends of the princess… till the recent days. His sudden stepping in could easily drive a wedge between two girls, ruining that friendship. Luna wasn’t spoiled by friendship galore, the majority of her subjects respected her and admitted she wasn’t a threat anymore, but weren’t sure of how to approach the princess without their awe making them not quite eloquent and socialite. Besides, unlike for example Pinkie, being the life of the party was never in Luna’s character (thus their performance at the Gala had that shock effect). Knowing that Alex couldn’t afford to commit such a crime – break one of a few really close friendly bonds of his beloved alicorn and pegasus girls. ‘Unable to be with the one only, I must stay away from both,’ Alex choked on air upon this looking natural to him idea. ‘The way which no magic can overcome… Mayhap they can finally release me then. I have enough guilt burdening mine soul without taking the responsibility for a broken friendship.’ He fancied the wind whistling outside and after a moment Alex found himself standing under a familiar long opening, which had a wooden hatch long-long ago, protecting the stairwell from winds, rains and snow, before the time chipped and chiseled the stone edges, making the hatch decay and crumble into dust. ‘This is it… End of the road!’ The setting Sun blinded Alex for a moment, peeking through one of the rare gleams, and made him shield with the hand, as he emerged from the darkness of the Clock Tower, exiting to the observation area. Apparently, the tower once had a proper room at the top; regaining clear sight Alex could notice the uneven edges of the walls, which supposedly had windows and some sort of coverage or roof… before time and weather took them away and made the wall edge look like an old man’s mouth with remnants of rotten teeth. Alex pushed himself up and climbed out of the hatch, straightening and letting the wind ruffle his hair; it was noticeably colder here, this or the mere height made his skin crawl under the thin shirt. A few first drops of rain fell on Alex’s face; a long zigzag of the lightning ripped the sky far away and in a few seconds a blast of thunder reached his ears. Somewhere behind the thunderstorm, further to the north white walls and towers of Canterlot nested in their mountain cradle. ‘Luna!’ Alex approached the edge, swallowing a lump and not risking to take a single look down, his eyes were riveted to the gloomy sky in front of him. Somewhere below, almost right to the North from the tower as well, lied the cottage, which nearly became his home. ‘Fluttershy!’ Alex still didn’t dare to look at the ground, he inhaled fitfully instead and put one foot on the dented parapet, shifting his weight on it. The Sun hid behind the clouds, leaning forward Alex managed to notice in thickening twilight a smudged dash of dark, yellow and amazingly bright pink… Something pushed him and threw back from the edge, knocking Alex down to the floor and nearly making him roll. The impact, thankfully he didn’t hit with his head, and something on his chest squeezed all the air from Alex’s lungs; he coughed, gasping, dumbfounded by the sudden strike. When Alex stopped seeing stars and managed focusing his eyes on the force that hit him, he found extremely embarrassed, yet at the same time irate Fluttershy in a tight dark suit, unzipped at the collar, as if she was short of air hurrying somewhere. With meticulousness, which could be explained by the utter shock, Alex noted that the suit looked armoured, made of durable fabric with solid sections, belts and cords of unknown purpose, zipped pockets and a black medkit with the small purple cross on the left flank; the only part missing was the supposed headpiece, revealing Fluttershy’s sumptuous mane and flushing cute muzzle. Her eyes glared though, despite the visible abashment, she breathed heavily after her mad dash across the sky; Alex stared at her, stunned, eyes like teacups. “Alex!..” She choked on air from the visible resentment, inhaled fitfully; the small hoof hit his chest lightly, but scowlingly, Fluttershy’s braided tail swept from side to side. “From all the ways… to show, your life belongs to you only… that was the most… uggghhhh! I can’t even…” her eyes shone wetly. “Alex, how could you come to that idea?!!” “Seriously! That was the most stupid and uncalled thing among those, you could undertake,” tears sounded in her voice, slowly taking over the anger. Yet at the same time Fluttershy’s voice became more confident with each word. “You are not among foes here, Alex. Never was! Nopony is going to judge you for the crimes, you never commit.” Alex found out that a quiet sibilance was the air coming out of his mouth, he closed it, gulped and opened again… to be immediately interrupted and shut by the agitated pegasus. “Killing…” Fluttershy half-gasped, half-squeaked on that word. “Killing yourself wouldn’t solve any of your problems, Alex!” She leaned closer and almost shouted at him, tears falling from her eyes. “It wouldn’t revive those ponies, don’t you understand… return you to Earth neither,” her voice dropped again. “I wouldn’t save you, if I was going to allow your life to be wasted that way,” tears formed trails on her cheeks. “I never doubted, you deserved the better fate, Alex, thinking that you should value your life a bit more… at least not taking it away, because of some problems, you didn’t need to fight alone.” Alex exhaled, tried to put a word in, but Fluttershy wasn’t going to stop, before venting out all she had on her heart. “You are not alone, Alex!” she sniffed and took her breath convulsively, tears flowed freely from her eyes, falling on Alex’s cheeks and neck, mixing with the started rain. “If you are that fixed on the idea of leaving Equestria, I will be with you till the end… whether or not it is possible, helping you, as I said already. But… b-but that w-wasn’t the way of “leaving” I could ever think of… or understand, Alex. How could you think about something that stupid and selfish?!” “I… love you! If you are that blind that you didn’t notice yet… And I’m not the only one who does,” added she quieter, through more tears. “Luna warned me and asked to keep an eye on you, Alex. She couldn’t decipher your dreams completely… but what she saw scared her. Me either…” “I can probably put up with you not being mine… but I can’t live with you not… not being at all,” Fluttershy realized that she was still mounting Alex and flushed even more, becoming like a tangerine, flaming from her catsuit collar to the roots of her mane. “Shy!” he sounded raspy, but Alex couldn’t swallow that lump, no matter how he tried. ‘I’m sorry!’ sounded pathetic and out of place; he couldn’t find words to thank her or apologize, rising his hand instead and trying to touch Fluttershy’s cheek, feeling sudden chills and weakness from the understanding of what he had done almost… If not for his flower fragrant guardian angel. “I love you, Alex,” repeated Fluttershy, yet she winced from his touch, bursting into the real waterfall of tears. “B-but I can’t look at you… without crying now!!!” She jumped off, biting her lip, and rushed down the stairs into the tower, vanishing in the darkness; the sobbing faded away, leaving Alex one on one with the whispering rain. The raindrops mixed with his tears and rolled off the face, laying under the darkening sky Alex felt that it would have been better, if Fluttershy had hit him hard, blamed him of sheer egoism and stupidity, instead of asking him, then running away crying. After the eternity, getting completely wet and feeling the stones of the ruined tower top with his entire back, that feeling overshadowing Alex’s inner shivers, he turned over slowly and painfully. Fluttershy knocked him down quite sensitively, but the psychological drop was incomparably longer; something broke in Alex, burst like a strained string, something detrimental, as Alex felt a faint glimpse of relief, he wasn’t able to explain yet. Alex got up and almost rolled into the tower womb, grasping the wall not to fall on not entirely responsive legs. The actual way down took him much more than his ascent: he was quite shaky and damn certain that wasn’t acrophobia that time, besides, Alex had quite a few things to think about. Only reaching the restored part of the tower and shutting the door behind, cutting off the solo of the wind in the stairwell, he could take a deeper breath and brace himself. ‘The girls saved your miserable ass again!’ the stung of his small inner voice was well aimed and relentless. ‘Both of them. Together this time! They both do care about you, otherwise you would be an unpleasant pancake already. What will you do now… considering nothing has changed?’ ‘Whatever I do next, I need to talk to Fluttershy,’ decided Alex, brushing aside all the tricky questions. ‘Even if she can’t look at me, mayhap she can listen to me at least…’ The rain faded out already, only a few last drops fell on Alex, when he finally exited the tower; the wind, which quite nicely dried his clothes in the stairwell, winnowed its way through the field and herded the clouds away as fast as it brought them there before, little by little clearing the sky and revealing the sunset. Alex inhaled the damp air and headed to Fluttershy’s cottage as someone finally taking the right decision. Viewing his chances realistically after the incident, Alex wasn’t expecting to be greeted with the red carpet, thus the silence and extinguished lights didn’t become a surprise. Although, when Alex approached, leaning to the front door and listening, he fancied quiet muffled sobbing, interrupted by a single woeful sigh. The mental image of Fluttershy sitting curled in the armchair, cuddling Angel – the bunny expressed unusual compassion in such circumstances, with awesome pink mane curtaining her pretty face and turquoise eyes full of tears, made Alex’s heart painfully shrink. “Fluttershy…” he barely knocked on the door, hoping to be heard nevertheless. “We need to talk. I’m… I’m sorry, Shy!” “I very much hope you are!” another light sigh interrupted her tears, Fluttershy’s voice sounded stern despite them. “I don’t know… Just… not now… I can’t…” More sobs swallowed the rest of her words. “Please, Shy… Can you simply listen?..” “I… we… I can’t now… Please… go away, Alex!” The armchair creaked on the wooden floor, convulsively moved aside, the quick rattle of hoofsteps towards the stairs told him unequivocally that the talk was to be postponed… if his little saviour ever wanted to talk to Alex again. The door slammed shut upstairs and everything fell silent. The cottage stood dark and unusually inhospitable in the last rays of the setting Sun, Alex reconsidered going around and calling Fluttershy under the bedroom window, not risking to add another foalish act to his today’s account. He stood for a while, leaning his forehead at the cold door, and having no alternative, trudged to the field across the road; gathering his thoughts seemed a non-trivial task, but absolutely necessary at that moment. * Old Will was extremely puzzled: he couldn’t decipher the human’s behaviour completely. Regardless to the small number of purely random visitors, mostly strangers passing Ponyville and unaffected by local rumours and prejudices, Alex was still their main customer, source of income and, truth be told, their only guide to some brighter future, than the one they have resigned to already. He got plans, his ideas worked for mutual benefit, finally somepony managed to make the smithy progress, despite the resistive mood of the society. When everything seemed to roll back to the normal, proper tracks, long ago forgotten due to lack of customers, so, both unicorns finally felt like being demanded for, felt the wish to work, started to look into tomorrow seeing some light, instead of endless storm clouds there. Right at that moment everything suddenly became strange and worrying. The last couple of days old blacksmith caught himself on the thought that he had no idea of what was happening inside Alex’s mind. Obviously, the tragedy on Ponyville Dam could easily make anypony drop out of their element; one could imagine, what Alex must have felt, being the witness of the accident, let alone the partaker. But there was more to his behaviour that made Will ponder and concern. The last day the human was particularly strange, meticulous, while working on his beloved “project”, yet absolutely absent-minded, when it came to everything else surrounding him. As if some uneasy, but very important thought was constantly drilling his mind, distracting from the reality completely, making him unable to concentrate on the simple request from the first time. Will knew that Alex was told, he was unable to return to his home world; he wasn’t blind to not notice Alex’s complications in his relationship and he inwardly guessed about Alex’s nightmares, watching his exhausted look day by day. But even all those combined would hardly form a rock as heavy as the one, that was seemingly placed over Alex’s soul. And a few weird phrases he dropped… Willsmash shook his head, Alex’s mood looked the more alarming, the more he thought about it. If the human wasn’t so determined and inspired by his work, the blacksmith could suspect, that… Will frowned at the last thought. That day Alex didn’t appear at the smithy since morning and sent no note about the possible reasons of him sabotaging his advantageous project. Moreover, Alex didn’t show up even after the dinner, that was totally uncommon since Alex started working at the smithy; time passed, Sun rolled to the sunset slowly, still no signs of the human. The unicorn cupped his beard pensively, but the sound of hoofsteps of his niece made him relax the mimic muscles at once: Will didn’t want to worry Silver Ingot with his own, frankly speaking, very vague suspicions. Although, the first glance at her muzzle told Will that the young mare was already overly concerned about something; she hurried downstairs exactly to share with her uncle, what was obviously bothering her for quite a while already. “Uncle Will, I need to tell you something very important,” her golden head was surrounded by the clouds of uneasy thoughts, the eyebrows almost met and the glance was serious and worried. “I probably shouldn’t do that… That was a bit impolite towards Alex, as he asked me to keep them… “till it’s time”. But exactly that phrase, among others few, to be honest… How he made changes to the new smelter… For it to be operable by a single pony… How he explained to us the process and its benefits…” Silver Ingot gasped. “And?” asked Willsmash shortly in a hushed voice. “Tell, what bothers you, my filly, don’t keep it…” “That envelope!” Sil wanted to nod towards her room, but it looked like a nervous twitch instead. “I thought about it since morning. No. I thought about it since yesterday, since the moment Alex asked me to keep it… The more I thought, the more worrisome it looked to me.” “I couldn’t hold myself,” quietly said Silver Ingot, apology mixed with the certain dose of fear in her voice, making Will raise on his hooves involuntarily. “I opened it finally, a few minutes ago, and took a look. There were blueprints of the new smelter, plans of the improved smithy, some tables of metal properties and more stuff… chemical formulas I didn’t understand yet… Quite a load of information about his work, which he, of course, wanted to keep safe. But considering all that happened and that he was saying…” “It’s practically the testament…” dropped Silver barely audibly… Willsmash knew already, what she was going to say; the old unicorn frowned and pursed his lips, quick thinking was written across his forehead. “Run to princess Twilight, my filly,” quietly stated he in a moment. “Alex lives at the Golden Oak Library, she knows where he can be. It doesn’t matter, if we mistake or not, he may be there still… he better be there. Otherwise…” the filly squeaked involuntarily, attracting his serious glance, and Will shook his head. “Celestia! I hope young Twilight can search for him effectively at least…” The end of his phrase was cut by the sound of the front door hitting the frame, Silver Ingot dashed down the road to Ponyville already. * ‘Merlin’s pants! I admit, that way of dealing with the problems would become very far from the ideal…’ Alex sat under the large tree, eyes closed, holding his temples; he finally reached the single hill in the slowly turning yellow sea of the field. Widely stretched branches and the lush crown preserved the dry spot under and the cover, he was using now, inhaling the tranquillizing smell of wet oak leaves and trying to recollect his thoughts. ‘Shy was too gentle, describing me! That’s giving up… the most stupid and… ugly way!’ The mere glance at the tower, the black column standing out against the darkening landscape and the sky cleared by the wind, made him shudder from the realization of what he had evaded. Evaded by sheer luck of being loved by two amazing girls… Alex shook his head. ‘Okay, one more chance…’ Being extremely generous today Celestia lingered setting the Sun completely, granting her subjects the colourful show of variety of pink, golden and even greenish tints, because of the thin and transparent low clouds at the western skyline; the colours faded slowly, giving up to the softly descending night, like the flowers closing their sleepy eyes at the foot of his hill. The omnipresent cicadas already crept out, invading the dried grass, and started sawing the warm August twilight. ‘I would bring more troubles than I solved. Those neither me, obviously, nor anypony would have any power of preventing. Damn, where was my head… planning something as foalish and egoistic, as… suicidal…’ a bitter wry smile wormed on Alex’s face. ‘Man, your sarcasm is still here, you are definitely alive.’ ‘That means, you can struggle a bit more… but…’ the insensibly falling night reminded Alex about the most vital problem at that moment. ‘But I have no solution for my nightmares. No matter how long I can still hold, I’m gradually turning insane, if nothing is done.’ He ruffled his hair tiredly, listening to the persistent choir of cicadas and throwing a look at the finally darkening sky, which revealed a few brightest stars already. ‘I doubt even she can help me… Besides, constantly altering my dreams, even if possible, is not an option.’ “Luna!” Alex whispered that, still looking at the deepening sky quickly absorbing the remnants of daylight and spilling the multitude of stars instead. He didn’t expect an actual response and was immensely surprised, even shocked, shocked and stunned by the bright flash above the field. Shielding his eyes from the light, which faded fast, but left an afterimage, making him blink, Alex watched the landing alicorn, whose coat almost merged with the sky, but the starry mane played with the tints from darkest of the night to most gentle of the dawn. Leaving the shade of the oak tree Alex made a few steps toward the princess, but stopped, noticing her expression. Luna touched the ground lightly, the grass barely moved under her hooves, but her eyes were glowing bright and wings were still spread. Alex was granted by that look of the Night Princess only once, when Luna found out about his less than friendly encounter with some stallions in the bar. Being stunningly beautiful her look didn’t bode well, Alex was to admit Luna being rather beautifully dangerous at that moment. She quickly approached and her wings and flowing mane filled his view entirely, amazing and intimidating at the same time. Alex carefully took his breath, forcedly not stepping back, despite the first impulse. “Luna…” he couldn’t endure her glare and downcasted. “I…” “Alex!” she almost hissed through clenched teeth, towering above him and electrifying the air around; the hit of Luna’s silver-shod hoof in his chest, quite palpable, while not being exactly painful, made Alex stagger. Luna almost repeated Fluttershy’s words. “How could thou be such a no more brains than… such an idiot! Refusing the help of everypony and deciding instead that finishing thy life could be the best solution. Why dost thou fight to save each life thou can, if ‘t be true thou dost not value it arrant, dost not value thy own life? Thou even tried to shield from me most of the time… Ugghhh…” Luna groaned, stomping the ground forcedly and moving closer. “How…” “I’m… I truly regret…” “Thou regret?!!” Luna’s eyes launched sparkles. “Can thou even imagine how scared I was, thinking I… we may be too late to change anything? How scared Fluttershy was, at which hour she realized, what thou planned to undertake? But she darted to save thee without the second thought!” “Now lookest!” Alex swallowed a lump and finally took a small step back, only to see Luna better, not only her glowing eyes, he finally made himself look into. “I was exhausted by regret, by mine nightmares, by all the shit I have done...” eyes shone brightly, he almost shouted, venting all the tense of the last days. “By the life, as thou sayest, the life I FAILED to save,” he added quieter, the outburst faded. “I couldn’t live with that peacefully… I still can’t. But I am sorry! Verily!” Alex’s eyes dimmed and he closed them tiredly. “Please, forgivest me! I don’t know what to do now…” The silence lasted for an endlessly long minute, Alex was ready for Luna hitting him, as he thought, he probably deserved, even for her leaving without a single word. But instead he heard a tiny silvery, quite nervous, yet still a laughter. The velvet wings were not spread to oppress, they wrapped him into the warm feathery embrace… and a stone fell off Alex’s heart. Only one. Not the largest. But it was the beginning. “Finally!” the glow faded in Luna’s eyes and Alex could look into the familiar deep blue lakes with relief. “Finally I am observing Alex I know and love… not that grey shadow thou wast resembling ere. I know, it shan’t be easy, but thou art ready to fight… And, which is more important, thou art ready to accept the helping hoof.” “Luuunaaaa!” Alex snuggled his face into the silk of her coat, resting his head on the night blue shoulder, he ran his fingers across Luna’s cheek, inwardly hoping the darkness conceals his flaming face. “Please, forgive me… I don’t know if you both can, but…” “Thanks Harmony, I could catch thy last dream,” Luna’s head took the usual place on top of Alex’s and with a deep sigh she squeezed him tighter. “The one with Fluttershy falling… almost falling from the dam?” “Yes. Thou finally called me,” Luna huffed quietly, ruffling his hair, sending chills up Alex’s spine. “I suspected the worse… Ohhh… I was scared, Alex, thou can’t imagine how… I dreaded to think, it was too late, yet it was to be done exactly that way. Thou was to realize thyself, thy life being thine, doth not mean, thou can take it away futilely.” “But why her? After all… after our…” “Because I couldn’t follow thee without gaining harmful attention. Because she can fly…” Luna chuckled, looking down into Alex’s eyes. “Because she loveth thee, thou foal! Loveth thee no matter what and shalt do anything to save thee. Like I do!” Before Alex could say a word the soft lips covered his own, making his thoughts dissolve completely in the moment of bliss; unconsciously wrapping his arms around Luna’s neck Alex buried his fingers in her flowing mane, wishing for that minute to last forever. A load of his problems waited for him on the ground, but that meant nothing, while they were sharing that heavenly embrace. “I love thee!” quietly said Luna, when the stars in their eyes faded; she rubbed her soft cheek against Alex’s. “But I don’t know, what to do now either. I can’t take THAT burden. I can’t live without thee, Alex… And I can’t take thee for such a price. Stepping aside is the last thing I want… Mayhap we could… I don’t know…” “What dost thou mean, mine princess?” Alex felt how fast was Luna’s heart beating, he stroked her shoulders, getting another lavender kiss on his cheek. “Allowest me to show thee something,” Luna waited for an answer and Alex slowly nodded, not completely catching her thoughts. Luna’s eyes approached, filling his entire view, as she brought her muzzle closer and closer, this time not kissing Alex, but touching his forehead with hers; he was already drowning, choosing not to resist, but instead be driven by the deep blue whirlpools, where his dissolving consciousness led him. The yellow dry grass with colourful fallen foliage, the grey-blue sky with rare clouds, crossed by dark naked branches, the air filled with the smell of damp soil and leaves and the barely perceptible breath of winter. Alex’s feet didn’t hit the ground, to his surprise he could see everything around, except himself, when he looked down. The familiar low fence nearby gave him the cue and, turning abruptly, Alex saw the façade of Fluttershy’s cottage, lit by the low evening Sun. “What?..” started Alex, but the silky lips touched his ear; he could fall (having his body at the moment), startled by the dissonance between tactile and visual sensations. “Shhh… It’s a dream. Not thine or mine, obviously. It’s Sunday evening…” Luna fell silent, interrupted by the sound of the front door. Somepony slid outside, wrapped in the thick warm cloak; the deep hood fell almost on the snoot, but a strand of pink hair… ‘Wait, why her mane looketh that dull, the colour is a faint semblance, greyish and pale?’ Alex was unsure if he asked himself or said that aloud. It appeared to be of no difference, as he got his answer immediately. “Yes, that’s Fluttershy,” the silvery voice was sad and spiritless in its empathy. “She can’t hear us, Alex. I would like thee to watch though, thither is time for questions anon.” Fluttershy shrugged under the hood convulsively and pulled it forward, hiding her muzzle and wrapping in her cloak tighter. Looking under her hooves not to slip on the dead leaves, she headed to the field, closing the fence gate behind. Alex noted that despite moving with her usual grace, she walked slowly and mournfully, something took away an insensible part of her gait, making it different, less vivid. He was to follow Fluttershy, obedient to an unknown bond, leading him where his marefriend’s goal was. Apparently, Fluttershy followed the usual path, as she proceeded fluently and determinedly, even submerged in her thoughts; Alex concluded that these walks, or whatever it was, occurred regularly. Wiping a few tears Fluttershy braced herself, she was yet to cross the field of high dry waving grass to reach the small hill with the single large tree. The hill where… where he and Luna were in reality, even knowing it was Fluttershy’s dream Alex winced from that notice. He kept watching, pulled by the dream route and given no alternative; shortly Alex couldn’t stay dispassionate, wishing with the entire aching heart to become a more tangible part of that dream. The further in the field, the closer to the hill, tears ran down Fluttershy’s face like the salty waterfall, blurring her view; tangling in the high grass, she shook her head and sped up towards the hill clearly visible in the crisp cool autumn air. The large oak seemed older, more overgrown, it dropped the last leaves, covering the ground, where its shade gave shelter in summer. Something protruded from the hill surface, something solid, cold, high and smooth enough, so the leaves couldn’t hide it in their last futile attempt. Fluttershy approached that, looking foreign at the familiar place, object, giving Alex an opportunity to look. “Alex the Human, unknown - 4 NLE August …” said the grey stone, a few oak leaves stuck to the surface, covering the last digits. “Good evening, my love!” quietly said Fluttershy. The tears already dried, giving up to fateful tranquillity; with a tiny sad smile she lay in front of the memorial, resting her head on the folded fore legs. Fluttershy’s breath caught and swirled the oak leaves, sweeping them off the stone. Alex’s vision darkened, dragging him into the tight whirlpool again, and in a second he found himself standing among the warm summer night, in Luna’s embrace… catching for air, like drowning, and shivering. He raised dilated eyes on Luna, unable to find proper words; the princess nodded shortly. “The stone is supposed to be right whither thou art standing…” “What’s NLE?” Alex’s voice was barely audible. “New Lunar Era,” said Luna calmly. “This year exactly. And the second date could easily be yesterday, if ‘t be true thou got wasted not; it was Sunday,” she fell silent for a brief moment. “She seeth that dream regularly since…” “Since the… Dam?..” “No, Alex, since thy fight with the Seekers at the warehouse.” “Merlin’s pants! No wonder she was…” Alex covered his eyes with the palm. “I had no idea, Luna. I was such an idiot…” “That doth not mean thou needst to avoid doing, what thou findst dignified,” Luna mercifully looked away. “Although, a zilch more consideration towards others’ feelings would be quite a prize for everypony.” She let out a tiny smile and added gently. “Thither is one more frequent dream of hers, alas, the first one prevaileth lately, but…” Another familiar swallowing glance and feeling Luna’s silky touch on his forehead, Alex dived into the next vision. When the milky haze dissolved and the world around him took clear outline, Alex could easily tell that whatever he was going to be presented, the dreamer’s mood was completely different, compared to the first vision. It was the day or early evening, the Sun shone quite high into the sky, escorted to the distant nightly rest by the birds’ singing; various insects, among which the awesome large blue butterflies took the place of honour, filled the garden; the shape of the house could be seen behind the trees and with amazement Alex recognized Fluttershy’s place again. The house seemed bigger though for some reason. The unforgettable scent of flowers, Alex was able to enjoy only once, when he first arrived in Equestria, told him, it was late spring or early summer. Accompanied by the freshness from the nearby stream it filled Alex’s imaginary lungs, making his imaginary head spin. He squinted… When Alex opened his eyes, the vision moved aside slightly and… Alex’s heart fluttered unwillingly: under the large tree, bathing in the warm setting Sun, lied Her. Resting in the almost regal pose on the lush grass, amazingly contrasting with her silky yellow coat and bright sumptuous pink mane and tail, which covered almost all space under the tree, visibly becoming even longer since last time, Fluttershy looked more mature, but at the same time even more stunningly beautiful, if that was possible to imagine. Long slender legs, perfect mare shapes, luxurious shiny mane and tail, sharper, but wonderfully fitting and aristocratic lineaments; Alex stared and stared in awe. He almost felt by the back of his head the faint smile of Luna, but he couldn’t do anything to himself. After a few endlessly long moments some noise attracted his attention, Alex turned to the source of it and… froze again surprised and stunned even more: two foals played in the garden, running jumping, chasing butterflies and making the merry fuss. The unicorn colt was younger, he jumped a bit clumsily yet, funnily throwing his hind legs in the air; the pegasus filly already tried to fly, teasing and fluttering above her brother with loud glinting laughter. Their noisy romp brought a peaceful and loving smile on Fluttershy’s muzzle, making Alex’s heart skip another beat. “Mom, when is dad coming?” getting a bit tired of making circles around her mother the filly snuggled to Fluttershy, nuzzling her shoulder and looking into the bigger version of her turquoise eyes inquiringly. Her little brother almost rolled near and supported her eagerly. “Yeah, when, mom, when?” Fluttershy wanted to reply something, but throwing a quick glance at the road behind the fence, she let out a joyous smile and simply nodded there instead of the answer; Alex fancied the dear floral-honey aroma. He or his vision,it didn't matter, froze on the spot, as if the gigawatt of electricity flowed through him… facing himself! Almost unchanged, tiredly smiling, shaking the dust off the long blacksmith apron, he opened the gate and headed towards them with wide springy steps, at once losing all the visible fatigue. Foals darted to him with happy squealing and hung in his embrace. With double load Alex crossed the glade and kneeled to Fluttershy, she leaned to him in response and their lips melted in a loving kiss. The vision already fell apart dissolving in swirling mist and after a second Alex found his actual self under the same oak, next to Luna. “Merlin’s pants…” exhaled he, hiding his face in trembling hands, gasped and couldn’t say anything else. With another understanding smile Luna didn’t tell him that he was repeating. She patiently waited till Alex could brace himself. Finally, he raised eyes at her, asking unexpectedly. “A unicorn colt? How on… Equus?” “That’s what puzzled thee,” Luna couldn’t hold a smirk. “So, the idea of having foals with the equestrian mare isn’t looking strange for thee already…” Seeing him flushing to the roots, she mercifully changed the topic. “I can’t tell for sure. Tis her dream, I’m not adding anything. Mayhap she considers thee, the human, different enough to provide strange combinations…” Alex choked on air and Luna continued, as if noticing nothing. “Or mayhap thou not being arrant inert to magic could give a chance of the unicorn foal… theoretically, of course,” chuckled she, seeing Alex flaming, ready to fall through the ground. Then suddenly her voice became completely serious again. “Anyway, that made me think a lot, mine love. If that’s what I’m ready to prevent befalling. I don’t see the univocal solution now, it’s too hard, too gravely crucial for all of us.” “I love thee too much, Alex. Thus I better step aside, than allow any of us to make some drastic mistake… despite giving up on thee is the last thing I wanted to do,” whispered she barely audible, nuzzling Alex’s cheek. “I nev’r minded sharing, as I said, but…” Alex raised his hand and stroked Luna’s neck slowly, still dumbfounded by what he saw and heard; she sat next to him and cuddled with her fore legs, Luna’s heavy sigh was more meaningful than thousands of words. “Thou needs to talk with Fluttershy, mine love!” “I tried, Luna, I truly tried,” Alex held her carefully, like made of porcelain. “Shy is angry with me… and she can’t be blamed for that, in the earnest. She didn’t want to see me, when I tried to explain…” “It shalt take some time, mine love. She is shakingly scared… and angry at thee vastly because of that. Thou must show the readiness to talk, to move the situation from the dead point. Beest patient…” “I feared, I could lose thee, Alex!” added she, nuzzling his hair like enthralled. “I still can’t believe that could actually befall…” “I shall do mine best…” Alex wrapped his arms around Luna’s swan-like neck, snuggling to her. “But I don’t know what to do with my nightmares. They keep me restless, exhausting me arrant, I feel like a tiny bit longer of that torture and I shall go insane…” Shadow ran across his face. “I can struggle at daytime, work helpeth immensely… but at night I’m helpless. Each time I close the eyes, I see that stallions hopeful glance. It burneth me from inside!” “I understand that thou can’t pamper me all the time,” Alex looked away and immediately felt soft loving lips on his cheek. “But I’m desperate, Luna… I don’t know what…” “Alex, mine love, methinks I have an idea, which shalt help thee survive, while thou art learning to accept, what befell. Hast thou ev’r had any dreams while sleepwalking? I mean, any actual dreams, seen by the sleeping thee…” Alex turned to Luna like thunderstruck, noticing the sly sparkles in her bottomless eyes; Luna nodded, raising one eyebrow. * The fast and loud knocking on the front door made Twilight jump on the spot, she was peacefully gathering a few things in her saddle bag, planning to visit Fluttershy that evening and didn’t expect anypony to come that late. Spike was going to take a nap, resting of his daily chores… after he subtly inquired and found out that Rarity wasn’t going to join the girls that time. Twilight didn’t see Alex since morning, but she wasn’t worried, as that was quite a common case for him to get up early and quietly whisk, minding his own business; lately even more often. Besides, his bed was accurately fixed and the damp towel, drying in the bathroom, told her that Alex came through his morning “ritual” of sitting for quite a while at the upper balcony of the Library, coming down a bit shaky and nauseous and needing to cool and calm down. She made no reckoning of nothing being prepared for the breakfast, despite it was a rare occasion normally, while returning late was entirely common for him. Raising one eyebrow from pure curiosity – it couldn’t be Alex, then whom it was, Twilight opened the door; she froze on the step in surprise, least expecting to see that guest, late or not. “S-Silver Ingot?” “Sorry for bothering, princess Twilight,” the thin frame and posture of the unicorn filly expressed the indescribable mix of extreme confusion, strong determination and utter terror. “B-but… it’s an emergency. Alex…” “Oh, Celestia, you are shaking, Silver. Come on in, please,” Twilight held the door, the anxiety started to infiltrate her soul as well. “And… it’s simply Twilight, okay? Please,” added she automatically. “So what’s about Alex?” “I… We need to find him. Immediately!” seeing that strong embarrassment touched Twilight’s muzzle, Silver Ingot threw away her doubts and dropped bluntly. “Alex… may want to commit suicide!” “Sweet Celestia! What am I saying, he is most definitely going to commit suicide!” Silver Ingot almost jumped on the spot, her voice gained an octave. “What?!” Twilight’s eyes got round, she produced a nervous cackle, but quickly pulled Sil inside and slammed the door shut. “What, sorry? Are you sure? He…” “I’m terribly sorry, princess… but I am absolutely, entirely sure,” Silver Ingot stomped her hoof impatiently, despite the guilty expression on her muzzle, she wasn’t going to give up. “I can swear by anything we have with my uncle, by the smithy… by anything… that I am not making things up!” “Okay. I admit he is depressed and shattered after… the dam… But suicide. I could never imagine, he looks determined in his struggling with those memories. Please, do tell!” Twilight shook her mane. Silver Ingot quietly groaned, visibly desperate about the necessity to explain and lose time. “The whole his behaviour, pr… Twilight,” she remembered. “Alex was drowning in his regrets and terrors more and more each day. He came exhausted since mornings and I hardly mistake, if I suppose, he couldn’t sleep: eyes bloodshot, he was absent-minded, if he concentrated on something, he couldn’t switch fast, he became pensive occasionally out of the blue.” She took her breath and continued, not giving Twilight, who looked sceptical still, a chance to interrupt. “But the main thing – the changes in his work. He suddenly made a few complex amendments to the new smelter, he was building, making it operable by a single pony. Even if it was obvious: for the full advantage we couldn’t cope without his abilities.” A faint shadow ran across Twilight’s stretching muzzle, while Silver Ingot quickly proceeded. “He mentioned his inability to solve his problems, him being tired, coming through that tragedy repeatedly, having only one possible way out,” Sil shuddered catching herself on speaking about the human in past tense already, but found the strength to exclaim. “The only possible way out, Twilight! And on top of that, he brought me his papers one day, asking to keep them safe “until necessary”. I admit, that alone is not enough to suspect… But with the rest, with what he came through…” she gasped. Twilight approached and wrapped her fore leg around unicorn girl’s shoulders. Getting over herself, Sil whispered. “I couldn’t hold myself… It bothered me much and I took a look… Blueprints, notes, future plans, quite a portion of his work… Alex left those for us to keep, until it’s time to use them, while we can barely implement the half. Do you understand, what it means, Twilight?” Twilight shuddered, at that moment, reimagining all the strange things Alex said recently, she was to admit the rationality of Silver Ingot’s words; she remembered that she didn’t see Alex since the very morning, moreover she didn’t see any signs of his activity except the damp towel, the cold fear started creeping into her soul. Confusedly apologizing, Twilight rushed to Alex’s room: everything was on its place, almost exemplary order, hardly achievable where somepony lived and worked. The curtains hang dull and motionlessly, the window was closed. The window was closed! ‘Alex never closes it. He comes and goes through the window too often,’ Twilight tried the frame, finding it firmly shut, no wind could do that. Twilight’s heart dropped somewhere below her fetlocks and fluttered there. ‘He closed it… knowing… that he was not coming back! Alex didn’t plan to return!!!’ Apparently, everything was clearly written on her muzzle, when she dashed back into the hall; Silver Ingot easily read the worst signs and squeaked in despair. “Now! Where can we look for Alex? Where could he go to… Arrrghhh!!!” Twilight trotted a nervous circle around the Library hall, pondering aloud. “Calm down, Twilight! We need a solid plan…” she turned to Silver Ingot. “Did he tell anything… well, mention occasionally. Maybe the place, which could improve his state of mind, or… He spent more time at the smithy than here.” “I’m afraid, we talked only about the work,” the unicorn filly shook her head, downcasting. Twilight facehoofed. “It’s so Alex-like!” “Well, fortunately, there are not so many places around Ponyville… And Alex couldn’t reach some far point that fast… There are not so many places, where one can… can…” Twilight twitched visibly, glancing at blacksmith’s niece. “Where… you know…” Sil convulsively nodded. “I wholeheartedly hope, he didn’t use the railroad,” muttered Twilight; seeing that Silver Ingot is close to a blackout, she quickly explained, feeling the cold sweat on her own forehead. “To ride somewhere far from here, not to… Although… No! I sure hope not…” “Wait!” Twilight’s eyes shone with some memory. “He was fighting is acrophobia lately. I thought, that was purely not to let the dam… incident happen again, but now…” “The mountains are too far,” as usual, having a clear route, Twilight thought fast and sharply. “Another place is the dam… I doubt that Alex could go there willingly, of course… but we can’t drop that possibility. What else do we have?” she scratched the back of her head, Ponyville wasn’t surrounded by the dangerous places, especially heights; suddenly her eyes dilated. “The Clock Tower!” She examined Silver Ingot fixedly, most ponies in the town treated the blacksmith small family with a certain degree of distrust; Twilight couldn’t risk, sending her, where long and uneasy explanations would be necessary. Although, Alex worked with Apples the longest and assembled the biggest party of machinery for them, he was close enough with the family and Twilight knew, he discussed the blacksmith with Applejack and others. Naturally, Apples must show more tolerance and trust. “Time is short! Silver, please run to the Apple Acres and tell everything briefly to Jackie and Mac. Refer to me, if necessary,” Twilight picked her saddle bag. “Send Big Mac to the railway station, they know what to do in such cases. You and Jackie check the Dam, please. It’s a low chance, but…” “Then… Spike… No, let Spike sleep,” Twilight shook her head. “I notify Pinkie and Rarity myself, they both can run around Ponyville and find out anything they can. I can ask Rainbow, but I doubt, she joins…” “I go to Fluttershy and we try to search around the tower and the tower itself carefully!” Twilight was ready to teleport, lighting her horn. “What are you up to, girls, pray tell?” the tired voice sounded like a sudden strike of thunder, making both Twilight and Silver Ingot jump on the spot and turn around fast. Alex stood as large as life in the front door, leaning on the frame, jaded, ruffled, grey-faced, but safe and sound. The deafening silence made the rustling of coats perfectly audible; both girls sat right on the spots they were standing. It took a few minutes to convince Silver Ingot, she was not seeing things. At first, Alex wanted to suggest his own version of events, totally unrelated to suicidal thoughts, but the look of utter embarrassment and shame on Sil’s muzzle made him abandon that; he couldn’t let her look completely nuts, because of his own wicked ideas. “Look, Sil, whatever it was, I reconsidered,” Alex looked fixedly into the eyes of unicorn girl, who was ready to drop a tear. “Rest assured, I’m not going to do anything stupid!” Silver Ingot inhaled fitfully, realizing that in point of fact she was right and only some outstanding accident made Alex actually change his mind regarding his “departure”; Twilight cupped her mouth with the fore hoof in shock, apparently, she doubted the mere possibility of such thoughts coming into Alex’s head, but almost the literal confession caught her off guard. “Thanks for concerning about me that much,” Alex took Silver Ingot by shoulders softly, feeling how her strained muscles finally started relaxing; she closed her eyes and nodded shortly. “And… I’m very sorry, Sil, for scaring you so much.” She nodded again, it wasn’t obvious, if the tension released her completely, but in a moment Sil squeezed a small smile. “I… I better go now. Sorry, pri… Sorry, Twilight!” she turned to Alex again. “I’m glad that… that you changed your mind.” In the doorway something made her stop and look over the shoulder. “Your papers, Alex… I’m sorry, I didn’t bring them with me and…” “Excellent!” overcoming the fatigue Alex made the most cheerful face he was capable of at the moment. “Let them stay with you for now. I’m sure that they are as safe as the could only be. We need to check them tomorrow, I have a couple of ideas, how to improve the smelter. Tell your uncle, I shall be as usual, please.” This time Sil nodded vividly with a heartily smile. “So?!” Twilight stared at Alex fixedly, when the front door closed after the blacksmith’s niece finally. That short “so” was worth a thousand words, making Alex imagine that if Twilight was a human girl, she would be standing hands akimbo most likely. He expression was identical to the human equivalent for the similar situation though. “Don’t you want to tell something, Alex?” “Well… I actually climbed the Clock Tower,” Alex noticed, how she twitched, and continued neutrally. “But… two girls helped me see the things differently.” Twilight raised one eyebrow slightly, explaining, who those two girls were, wasn’t necessary. “And while I know, what the Seekers’ victims feel… right before… well, thou knowest… Methinks I’m ready to struggle a zilch more, despite that. I can’t allow that befalling again and again.” “Oh, dear!” Twilight took her breath, watching Alex’s expression carefully. “I’m glad… that…” She couldn’t continue and simply waved her fore hoof, sniffing and blinking fast. “Thou seest, Twilight,” Alex heavily dropped next to her on the floor. “Figuratively I fell from that tower… but managed to survive!”