//------------------------------// // Settling thoughts // Story: How many lovers have you made today? // by Sarcastic Brony //------------------------------// Luna stands beside Anon as they face Nightmare’s door. The shadow that billowed forth has calmed to a lingering mist on the floor. She’s plagued with thoughts of what Anon has asked of her. He doesn’t understand the forces he’s messing with. “She will use you.” Luna turns to face Anon, her expression devoid of emotion. “This I know for certain. She’s not a broken mare lost in her thoughts over how to improve herself. She’s evil, a beast, nothing like what you think her to be. She’s a toxin that burrows deep into your veins and corrupts your very actions. I cannot allow you to become a pawn to the likes of that disease.” Her words are so sharp that he feels cut by them, as though, despite her intention, he was the target of her ire. However, he can’t take her words at face value, not with the sneaking suspicion that there’s something Luna isn’t telling him. The thought troubles him. He must know the full story if he is to let this rest. “I get it.” Anon walks up to Luna, resting a hand on her cheek. “You’re afraid.” Luna’s solid stance goes slack at that. “‘What is she going to do to turn me against you?’ That’s what you’re thinking, right?” Luna remains silent as Anon runs the length of her cheek to the back of her neck, gently coaxing her into an embrace. “It’s something I’ve thought about as well. Perhaps she’ll use magic to erase my memory of you, or worse, just make me forget altogether.” There’s a tremble in his arms now. “I can’t say for sure what will happen, but I want to say one thing in Nightmare’s defense.” Anon gives Luna a moment to say anything but her continued silence is enough to urge him forwards. “She helped cure my nightmare for no benefit. I’m sure we’re both aware that she could’ve easily manipulated it to whatever she willed. However, that wasn’t the case. I still remember the dream vividly: I was alone. Everyone left me and I couldn’t take it. All by myself in eternal darkness.” Anon feels his grip on Luna tighten. “I was surprised to find that you were there. You held me and told me it’d be alright and I just had to wake up. The thing is,” Anon moves back as Luna faces him with wide eyes, “you were colder than usual. You also smelled of ozone. At first I was confused but then I recalled only one other pony smelled this way. It was confirmed when I touched her a few moments ago, the same coldness I felt before.” Luna tenses, eyes wide. “You have full right to think of her as evil. After hearing the horrible things she said and did to you, I don’t think hate is a strong enough word to describe what you two feel for one another. However, something is amiss, and it’s why I can’t leave this be. She very well may be pure evil but she’s never treated me poorly. So, I want to know more about you and her, so that I can draw my own conclusion and finally put this to rest.” Luna cannot turn away from his eyes. There’s so much care, and yet he wishes to waste it on the creature that corrupts her mind. “Those memories are fuzzy for me,” Luna admits. “Like a flash of images, I know what happened, but something else is lost in their meaning. All I know, is that I cannot trust her, not after what she did to everypony.” Luna leans in to nuzzle him. “I will not allow her to hurt you.” There’s that familiar pain creeping across Anon’s chest. He wants to do what is right, but he must also consider what is right for the sisters. He cares about them deeply, and it’s why he finds himself second guessing if this is something he should go through with. His mood grows dark as his thoughts run rampant. Nightmare is an entity that plagues Luna and one that will remain with her for as long as Luna lives. One day, Anon will be gone, and he worries Nightmare will bide her time until that moment when Luna is left emotionally vulnerable to strike. Anon isn’t one for the laissez-faire approach to life, so if he intervenes there’s a slim chance that he can salvage this. Maybe if he gets to know Nightmare, then someday he will bring these two to an understanding. While that’s one reason to take this monolithic task, it’s not the entire reason either: when he worked on her and their eyes met, for a brief moment, he saw a vulnerable mare staring back at him. He questioned if it was a ruse, but deep down, her knows the look was far too genuine to fake. “I know you don’t want me to do this,” Anon moves from Luna as she lands on all fours. “It’s hard to believe, but I can take care of myself. Though I will meet you halfway. If it helps, I’ll tell you whenever I visit her. That way, you can check every so often to ensure I’m fine.” Anon rubs the back of his neck. “Of course, I’ll need privacy too. I doubt she’ll be open if you’re around.” Luna finds herself questioning how long Anon has thought about this. “Anon, tell me again why you want to do this.” “Luna, if things were different and you were Nightmare, wouldn’t you be lonely in that void? To be imprisoned there for what could very well be eternity?” Luna starts at the insinuation. “She was on that moon for a thousand years too, and even after that, she’s still trapped by herself. Wouldn’t that be unbearable?” “I... I-It’s not the same.” “I don’t know what else to say,” Anon admits. “I just can’t pretend I didn’t sense her loneliness.” “Where will this end?” Luna tests. “What meaning does it have?” “I don’t know yet, but it’s something I will explore,” Anon says with finality. “What if it doesn’t go well?” “Then I’ll never see her again. I want the chance. That’s all I’m asking.” Luna closes her eyes as she takes this in. She already knows her answer. “...Very well. Every night, while you rest, I will give you an hour alone with her. You will be monitored by me to ensure your safety during this time. After that, I will train you in more advanced dream manipulation. If Nightmare is to attempt harming you, I want you to be able to defend yourself until I arrive.” “I can accept that.” Anon smiles as he embraces Luna again. “Thank you. I know I’m being demanding, but it’s something I have to do.” Luna rests her muzzle onto his shoulder. “You’ve always been difficult, Anon. Though, I find it hard to tell you no when you’re so adamant about it.” “We’ll see how it goes.” They move from one another as Anon thinks over the time. “It’s probably lunch time.” “I’m sure my sister is waiting for you. Ease her mind and your own.” “Alright, see you later, Luna.” “Until we wake.” Luna is roused by a knock upon her door. With a small grunt, she lifts herself from bed, making sure her connection to Nightmare is severed; there’s a headache starting to take hold of her and she doesn’t want it to be exacerbated by her unwanted visitor. She knows it’ll only be a matter of time until that disease harms Anon, and yet she cannot direct him from this fate. All she can do is ensure he’s protected when that time comes. So she’ll allow him his freedom for the time being, then, when the inevitable occurs and Nightmare reveals her hoof, he’ll know what she asserts is the truth. Another round of knocks pierces her thoughts. “One moment!” Luna shouts, agitated. Her shoes touch the cold marble flooring with a soft clack. She takes one moment to smooth her fur before answering the door, only to find that standing a few hooves from her knights is none other than the young drake. “Yes?” Luna addresses both Spike and her knights. Spike looks to say something but a knight cuts in: “The drake has returned to seek further audience, Highness.” Turning her attention back to the young drake, she finds him looking unsure of himself, as if he is considering taking his leave, as to not be a disturbance. “My apologies, young Spike. Intimidating as they may be, my Lunar Knights are the most honorable and loyal knights in Equestria, bar none. There is no cause for fright,” Luna says. “Is there a reason you’ve come knocking at my chamber doors?” Spike cautiously approaches the princess, keeping an eye on the two imposing guards despite Luna’s assurance. “I know we talked a little while ago and I was wondering if I can ask another favor.” Luna kneels low to meet Spike’s reluctant gaze. “Is that so? Well, I’m here, so what is it that you wish?” Spike is starting to wonder if it was a bad idea coming here. However, knowing how important this task was, he stays his resolve, saying “I hope you don’t mind, Princess, but I’d like to look over your library.” Luna takes surprise in the demeanor shift from Spike. Where there was reluctance, there now is clarity, a smile on his scaly face and a certain glint in his eye that spells determination. She cannot comprehend what this drake has in mind. An amused smirk crosses her lips as she rises from her kneel and walks deeper into her room. “Follow.” As Spike enters, the door behind him closes and locks. The both of them stroll over to one of the large bookshelves that line the walls. There they stop as Luna looks down to Spike. “Explore this shelf freely.” Lifting her wing, she brings it to another shelf that’s covered in a shimmer. “Refrain from touching those books, however. Their arcane energy is unstable and could cause untold damage if mishandled. Should you grow curious, ask me and we shall explore them together.” A giddiness wells inside of Spike, as his sense of discovery, once insatiable, now grows positively rapacious in the wake of being surrounded by so much knowledge. It’s little wonder Twilight can’t seem ever to put a book down. He’s hanging on to every word Luna says as he watches her sweep from one shelf to another with her wing. The next shelf is covered in what Spike can only describe as dark fog. “That area is forbidden,” Luna sternly says, noting Spike’s wandering, hazy gaze. “Not even I will peer into the depths of those tomes.” “Why’s that?” Spike asks. “Spike, you’ve been with Sparkle for many years and have seen the power magic can grant.” She kneels once more to face him properly. “There is far more dangerous magic that exists in the world. Fortunately, most of the more baneful magicks have been lost with the ages, but as fortune would have it there are plenty still left uncontained and seductive. It’s best to leave it at that. Do not allow yourself to grow curious, as what is locked away could very well harm all that you love.” “So why not destroy them?” “They’re bound by what’s known as ‘soul magic’. I will not go into details, but suffice it to say that no known magic can tear these books asunder without great risk. I’ve placed a ward onto these books until such a time comes where they can be appropriately disposed of. Should anything be removed from this shelf by anything other than myself, the culprit will turn to ash.” At those words, Spike makes sure that that particular shelf is burned into his memory so he can avoid it. Luna rises up as she waves to a few other shelves in a broad sweep. “The rest is free to explore as you see fit,” Luna walks past Spike towards the door. “My knights will let you in, should you ask.” She stops briefly to face Spike, waving him to her side with a wing. “Would you like to accompany me? Lunch is nearing and I’m sure you’re hungry.” “Uh, actually I was wondering if I could do some research now?” Spike asks. “I’ll just have dinner later.” Luna shakes her head, “Nonsense! A young drake such as yourself needs to eat properly, should you wish to grow.” Spike teleports to her side as she rests a wing on his back, opens the door, and leads them towards the dining area. “I’m certain you’re eager, but you’ve all the time in the world, little one. After our meal, you may return to study.” “I guess I could use a snack,” Spike relents. “May I ask why you’re interested in my library?” Spike twiddles his claws. “It’s a secret, but I swear if I find the answer you’ll be happy.” Luna smiles. “Very well, then I await this surprise with baited breath.” This puts Spike at ease as he smiles back. The two of them walk towards the dining hall and Spike can only hope he finds the answer Twilight is looking for. Hot... That’s the leading thought for Anon as he comes back to the conscious world. He kicks his blankets off to try and gain as much relief as he can from this unbearable heat. Anon opens his eyes to see Blossom in his arms, snuggled up to his chest with her mane covering her face as she rests peacefully. Blossom can’t be responsible for all this excess warmth. Anon’s focus shifts as he notices a long, slender leg resting over him from behind. There’s no doubt in his mind whose limb that belongs to. Peering over his shoulder, he confirms that it is indeed Celestia in bed with him. Not only that, but she’s the source of this heat right now. It’s no secret to Anon that each sister has their own unique body temperature. Luna tends to feel somewhat cool to the touch and Celestia warmer than the average pony. He’s slept in bed with them long enough to figure this out. Now there’s a stark contrast between the heat she usually emanates to what he feels now; she’s practically a furnace. It’s not painful by any means, but it is indeed uncomfortable. If the weather were colder, he’d probably enjoy the warmth, but that isn’t the case. His body is covered in sweat, and his clothes are feeling like a soggy mess against his skin. Anon rolls over to face Celestia. “Hey, Tia.” Anon prods her snout. Her nose twitches slightly as her grip on him tightens. She mumbles in her sleep and starts to roll over. Anon’s eyes widen as she rolls towards the edge with him held firmly in her grasp. There’s no time for him to react as she falls off the bed and right on top of him. Celestia lets out a yelp in surprise as she wakes from her dream, only inches from Anon’s face. “Good to see you’re awake,” Anon groans, rubbing the back of his head. The blood rushes to the princess’ face as she comes to realize the position she’s in: she has Anon pinned to the floor, his body pressed firmly against her own. She can smell his musk. It’s enough to get her heart to flutter, but she takes back control as she hops off and helps him up with her magic. “I’m so sorry!” She brushes off whatever dust that’s on him with a hoof. “I must’ve thought we were in my bed.” “It’s fine.” Anon pushes her hoof down. “No harm done.” Celestia fights back the urge to hide behind her wings, to pretend that didn’t just happen. In all her years, it’s moments like these with Anon that she feels the most foolish. She has to get a handle on her behavior before it gets the better of her. With Celestia off and him still covered in sweat, he walks over to his dresser and pulls out a change of clothes. He doesn’t pause for her as he tears off what he’s wearing and quickly dresses. At this point, she’s already seen him naked, so what’s the point in asking her to leave? Celestia’s eyes are locked on Anon’s body, taking in every inch of him, that burn swelling up inside of her. “The reason I’ve come to your room is to speak in private. Are you free?” Celestia asks, casting a brief glance at Luna’s captain, who’s still resting, before turning back to Anon. Once Anon is changed, he starts to feel better. The lingering heat from Celestia that clung to his body finally settling down to his average temperature. “I’ve got the time.” Anon waves for Celestia to follow him out the room. “Let’s talk.” She’s quick to join him and walk out the door he opened for her. Anon takes a step out, but pauses as he leans into his room before shutting the door. “See you later.” “I’ll be around,” Blossom replies. Closing the door, Anon turns to face Celestia, but finds she’s already a few feet ahead of him down the hall. He quickly catches up to her as they walk side by side in silence. The clopping of her hooves and the rhythmic thuds of his feet are the only noises that collect from the marble floor below. Casting a brief glance to Celestia, Anon finds her lost in thought. He can’t stand this silence and her trepidation, so, he’ll be the first to speak on this matter. “I should’ve told you what Luna did, but I didn’t want you two fighting over it.” Anon looks to the floor disappointed. “I’ve betrayed your trust.” Celestia allows his words to sink in for her. He doesn't know the whole reason and yet he still believes he did something wrong in the end. “You’re wrong. My sister had her reasons for what she did. True, they may have originally been guided by her want to protect you, but, over time, it turned into something else. Do not blame yourself for her actions. She is her own mare, you have no control over her.” Celestia sidles closer to Anon. “As for what you’ve done, I do not take it as an act of betrayal or a strike against the trust I’ve placed in you. You care deeply about my sister and I. It’s because of this that I understand why you made the choices you made when faced with what could’ve been total destruction.” Celestia takes a moment to gather her thoughts. “If we trust each other, we must not fear the thought of growing apart. Instead, we must work together to ensure any difficulties that lie ahead are overcome. This is what trust is, Anon. To allow others to wither the burden and look out for one another other through trying times.” She rests a wing on him to pull him close. “I know it’s hard for you, but you must allow yourself to be vulnerable, to tell me you are afraid and that things about the future have you worried. We cannot help each other if we hold our problems to ourselves, and keeping secrets will only burden you in the long run.” Celestia can feel Anon shake slightly in her hold. Yet as they walk, he doesn’t say a single word, instead keeping silent as he matches her pace. Twilight trembles in place as she brings a hoof to her chest in a vain attempt to calm herself. She’s already made reservations at the restaurant. Now all she has to do is tell Cadance about it. She doesn’t like this, a weary sensation that tickles her spine and weighs heavy on her withers. Despite her apprehension, a smile curls onto her lips. If Anon was able to overcome this, then she can too. That helps calm her considerably as she faces the door in front of her with determination. Twilight knocks a few times and waits. The door is answered by a surprised Cadance. “Twilight?” The shaky confidence Twilight had built before is culled, falling to a timid demeanor as she shifts uneasily from hoof to hoof. “I would like to speak with you and Shining tomorrow morning where we ate. You know, before… my outburst. Does seven work for you?” Twilight asks. “Uh... Sure.” Cadance responds. “Is everything alright?” “Y-yeah. Just fine.” Twilight turns away, walking off down the hall. Cadance watches Twilight walk off with her tail hanging low. Why did Twilight ask to see them again? This is what has Cadance the most puzzled. “Who was that?” a voice asks from inside the room. Cadance closes the door and walks into the sitting room. Shining, a cup of tea in hoof, looks up from a book as he takes a small sip. “Twilight. She wants to meet again.” Shining’s mood darkens a bit as he stares into his tea. “I don’t know what she’ll say, but it’s clear that it’s about what we talked about.” At Shining’s silence, Cadance walks to her room. “We have one day. Remember, we’re doing this for Twilight.” “...Yeah,” Shining says as he’s left alone with his thoughts. Celestia pulled Anon off to a sitting room. She wants to spend more time with him alone and talk more about what’s happened. However, the entire walk, Anon kept silent, not uttering a single word. She questions if she made the right call back there. Perhaps it was too much to ask of him but she wants there to be a day where they can freely speak to one another about anything. It would make things easier for them and, should things become more romantic, they could talk about it and not bury it away. There’s also the rising problem of her constant fantasies whenever Anon is close. Even now, as he sits beside her, she finds her mind wander. Thoughts of him taking hold of her withers and pulling her into a forceful kiss. She’d fight back lightly in surprise, but soon fall into his arms and allow him to take the lead. The pure passion, all of the fear of what is happening, what it could mean, but all of it means nothing at that moment. It’d just be the two of them, sharing their love for one another... She shakes those filly thought clear. This is what she’s talking about! She must get these thoughts under controls and above all else not allow them to drive her actions. She turns her gaze back to Anon where he sits staring off into nothing. His unmoving nature, the slow rhythmic breaths; while appearing as nothing to others, she can almost sense the tension to his demeanor. “Tia.” Celestia starts at his voice breaking the silence. “Tell me something you’re afraid of.” Anon continues to stare off into the distance. “You said that trust is based on allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others... So, what are you afraid of?” Celestia takes a moment to think that question over. “I guess you could say that my fear is putting a burden on you. You believe that the problem of others is in some way a mantle placed on you. That’s not something I want, so I try and tread carefully, as I’m sure you do the same. We are alike in this mindset, but as we both know, it feels as if we carry the world on our withers.” Her mind starts to wander to Anon for a different reason now. Her worries taking hold. “I fear to lose you.” There a catch in her throat that she can’t suppress. “Either by the problems we lay on you or the unknown you constantly face. I find myself thinking often, ‘Is today the day he’ll leave?’ Because I know how much you strain yourself to meet our needs. Twilight, my sister, and even myself. I’ve become so comfortable in your presence, that I often forget that you come from another world. This morning, when you spoke of the clouds, I was reminded of the fact that you tread a world so foreign to your own and that must be terrifying.” She looks over to Anon as he now faces the floor, his expression grim. “You have so little to call your own and it makes sense why you cling to us with such intensity... It’s why you tried to keep what Luna did a secret.” Anon is trembling as her words sink into him. She can read him like an open book. Have they really become this close? It’s funny in a way how Celestia can peer so far into his thoughts that even Luna herself, the mare he shared his memories with, cannot match what Celestia can see. “Magic, ponies, griffins... The majority of these creatures can overpower me and I’d be at their mercy.” Anon speaks with a shaky sigh. “I don’t have magic, I’m no fighter, and talking can only get me so far. In the end, I’m weak, alone, and afraid of the world.” His grim mood turns slightly to joy. “Well, not alone; I have you, Luna, and all the friends I’ve made. That changes things for me. I’m afraid because I don’t want to let any of you down.” Celestia scoots closer to Anon. “I can only speak for myself, but nothing you do will ever make me disappointed. I know it comes from a good place in your heart, that’s why I trust you as much as I do.” There’s the wince again. He doesn’t understand how she can make him hurt with such sweet words. Why everything she says weighs on him so heavily? Being near her, it’s agonizing. Anon tries to rub the tension in his neck away. “It’s hard for me to accept something so unconditional. I just question why and for what purpose.” He lets out a sharp sigh, turning to Celestia with a smile. “Guess I’ll just have to get used to it.” Celestia allows herself a titter. “That you will.” As Anon faces Celestia, he leans in and hugs her. He takes this moment to relish the feel. Her warm body, soft fur, even the rapid beat of her heart. A small chuckle leaves him. She’s as worked up as him. Still, holding her like this feels right and calms him considerably. Celestia’s eyes are full, but soon calm as she wraps Anon into her wings. “Everything will be alright. I promise,” she whispers. “I trust you, Tia.” Anon speaks. “I don’t know if I’m a good friend or not, but I’ll try my best.” “You’re perfect the way you are.” Celestia nuzzles the back of Anon’s head. “To me, at least.” Again, these words. They’re so sweet and pure, it hurts, but in a right way for Anon. He doesn’t want her to change, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. He’ll make things better. It’s all he wants for all of them. It’ll be a challenge, but with Celestia by his side, he’s sure it’ll work out in the end. After a moment, they move from one another. “Do you wish to have lunch?” Celestia asks as she looks down at him with a sweet smile. As Anon looks at Celestia, the way she’s looking at him, the way he feels inside right now... That’s when it all stops for him. He swallows hard as he gives her a small nod. “Yeah, that’s a great idea.” “Alright, give me a moment to call a servant. If you don’t mind, I’d like to eat privately with you.” “I’m fine with that,” he answers, losing himself again in thought. Celestia doesn’t even notice his slight mood change as she casts a spell to summon a servant to the sitting room. However, for Anon, he’s stuck with one thought... I love Celestia.