It had only been a few hours since she started her work, but to Celestia, it had felt as if months had passed. She could only imagine what Luna’s job was like, how easy it must be. Come to think of it, she hadn’t seen her sister for the better part of the weekend. Perhaps she’d have to look for her before dinner tonight.
There came a sudden knock on her door, filling her with equal parts relief and apprehension. “Princess, I need to talk to you about something,” a familiar voice said. The voice belonged to a stallion named Earth Trotter, a private contractor she’d hired some months ago.
“Come in,” She said, holding her breath. There was a soft creek as Celestia lifted her head from the pile of papers as she struggled to keep her eyes opened. “What do you need Earth- Sweet Faust, Spike!” The alicorn wasted no time in rushing over to the dragon who was covered in scratches and a light amount of blood. “What on Earth happened?”
“Isn’t that a funny story,” Earth Trotter said. “You should ask Dumb and Rich, and Dumb and Hot.” Behind him was Blueblood and Cadance respectively, Cadance had a large read marks all over her body both and Blueblood himself sported a black-eye.
“What did you two do?” Celestia growled, glaring at the Prince and Princess, holding Spike close to her chest.
“Things, they did things” Spike whimpered. “I did learn something today. It turns out the squirrels in the gardens are territorial, but slightly less than the bunnies, but more than the porcupines and skunks.”
“Why were you in the gardens?” Celestia turned to her nephew. “Blueblood, what did you do?”
“Nothing! Ask the alicorn!” Her nephew said, pointing to Cadance. “She’s the witch that attacked us!”
Celestia was taken aback by the statement, as the worst thing she’d ever done when living in the castle was buy new shoes every other week when courting Shining Armor. She was forbidden from even looking at a shoe store until she found a way to keep her shoes from getting destroyed via overuse. “Cadance, is this true?” Celestia asked, giving her niece a look, she normally reserved for Blueblood.
“I was completely innocent in-” She paused and glanced at Spike. “I was almost completely innocent in all of this.”
From a nearby cabinet, Celestia took out some rubbing alcohol and a folded cloth. She poured some on the cloth before pressing it against Spike’s scratches, earning a small yelp of surprise followed by pained hisses. “Really? You’re almost completely innocent? For this?”
“Let me explain.” The alicorn cleared her throat and came forward. “You see, it all started an hour ago. In fact, it happened right after someone sent me a letter.”
“I think she’s talking about you,” Blueblood said to his aunt.
I had just teleported from my home in the Crystal Empire, where my husband was giving me the best massage I had ever had in my life. It was needed too, after dealing with Discord and his demon filly. Anyway, Being the graceful alicorn that I was, I calmed myself as I approached the castle and went to find Blueblood to sit him down and talk to him about Spike. ‘Surely, this was all just one big misunderstanding,’ I thought to myself. It took some time, but when I finally found him, he was torturing poor Spike! It looked as if he took such joy in it to. And Spike, poor Spike, looked so lifeless. I almost thought he was a changeling, but then he began to go over the suits and what material Spike should look for when he went shopping. So, I rushed in to demand an explanation, and Blueblood cackled an empty cackle.
“I’m molding Spike into what he should be!” He said with a horridly cracked voice. “An egotistical twat that so devoid of love, he mere presence would starve a changeling hive!”
I gasped, appalled at his antics as he tried to turn Spike into a loveless husk of person that views the world so very bitterly! “Blueblood, how could you do this?” I asked, not wanting to believe Blueblood could be so cruel and vicious. His response was a laugh most foul and dark, it chilled my very soul. I tried desperately to reason with him, but my words could not reach such a heartless, uncaring individual. My mere presence seemed to escalate the situation, and he attacked me! In order to defend myself, I had to resort to violence and sucker punched him. This seemed to break the spell Spike was under, who rushed to stop the violence.
Unfortunately, sensing that someone was approaching, my instincts kicked in, and I fired a beam of magic. It was only after it was too late that I realized that I hit Spike, launching him into the animal garden. I was so ashamed, that I shut down, and then I woke up, smashing my hooves against a shield conjured by Blueblood. Not long after, the guards came, called me a menace, and began to separate the two of us. Obviously, they were truly loyal to Blueblood alone, and not truth or justice. And that’s what happened.
“Is that all true?” Celestia asked, as she began to wrap bandages on Spike’s body.
“Yes.”
Celestia turned to Blueblood. “How much did she lie? I feel like she was too innocent in her story, but then again it wouldn’t be that out of character.”
“So much of that was a lie, it’s not even funny,” Blueblood deadpanned as he cast a glare on Cadance. “And I can’t help but feel personally attacked. Something she left out was the fact that she punched me for almost no reason. Also, I didn’t hit her in anyway shape or form. Those red marks on her forehead? That was all her. Isn’t that right, Spike?”
“She did kinda lie.” Spike assured his mother, trying to move away from her as she readied another cloth dabbed in rubbing alcohol. He was disheartened when he felt her grip tighten. “Though, It’s not big lies, just a few embellished details.”
“She blatantly lied about the guards. We’re neutral to Blueblood,” The guard said.
Celestia looked towards and lifted a brow causing her to sink her head downwards. “If that’s the case, what actually happen, Blueblood? Spike stop moving, I don’t want anything getting infected.”
“You see, much like that fantasy Cadance told, it started an hour ago. Well, maybe two hours ago. I was already molding Spike since earlier this afternoon.”
After I expertly solved your problem, Celestia, I took Spike to test his talents. Turns out we plays the piano really well. We should consider getting him a piano instructor. But anyway, after hearing the beautiful sound of my cousins playing, we retreated to my study, but only after I rewarded him with a small bit of ice-cream. Positive reinforcement and all. There, I began to explain to him the importance of suits for high class galas and other such functions. He seemed to be entranced, so interested, so enlightened, that he could hardly look away from me. Even the heavens themselves sung of my poise and grace as I lectured to him, obviously becoming someone he’d looked up to. I was just starting to explain to him the difference between a double-breasted suit and a single, when the door was kicked open! The winds began to grow cold, as beast approached us. Upon closer inspection, much to our collective horror, Spike and I realized that this snarling, bitter, anger monster was none other than Cadance.
“Blueblood!” She shrieked as she marched towards me with murderous intent. “What the hell did you do!?”
I quickly got in front of Spike to protect him from what Cadance might do. Lifting my head high I said, just as the sun hit my mane perfectly, giving me a halo of light, “I’m doing what Celestia could never do, and teaching Spike about, his partial birth-right! Something you were just handed randomly, while, out of shame and bigotry, it was hidden from him!”
Cadance began to contort and sputter, as she let out a beastly wail. “How dare you, how dare you!?” She screeched. Before I knew anything, I was punched. Next thing I know, Spike is desperately trying to reason with this, this uncontrolled beast of an Alicorn! But sneering at how disgusting he was by dint of being a dragon, she unleashed a strike that launched Spike through several walls and into the gardens. There I assumed he’d either snapped his neck or was swarmed by animals.
Seeing that this beast was a threat to all that apposed her, I realized that I had to take a stand against my once dear cousin. And so, I erected a barrier between me and her until someone with a better skill set could come and handle the situation.
Silence hung in the room as Blueblood finished his tale. Celestia had several questions, most of which revolved around the validity of the claim that Spike was flung through several walls. If everything he’d said wasn’t a lie, then the whole story from start to finish was likely a monstrous exaggeration. But first, she had to clear up the air around one subject. “I did not hide the fact that Spike was my son out of shame and bigotry,” she finally said.
“And pray tell, what was your reason that you hid such a fact from Spike?”
“Reasons.” Celestia looked down at the one person that could shed perhaps a bit of unbiased light on the current situation. “Spike, what actually happened?” Surely Spike would tell her a true, slightly abridged version of the previous events. Since there was no mention of Rarity, there was likely to be almost no embellishments.
Spike let out a pained groan as he turned to face his mother. “It started right after Blueblood started to lecture me about suits.”
I was sitting in Blueblood’s study looking out the window, because I was not even remotely interested in listening to his talk. Bored, I went to my happy place and began to think about Rarity. Rarity relies on me from time to time, so I couldn’t help but wonder what she needed today. Did she need me to hold her close and lovingly stroke her mane? Take her garbage out? Did she need her loyal pincushion?-
Spike was immediately silenced as Celestia forced her hooves against his lips. “Stop, stop right there,” She demanded, giving Spike a concerned look. “Ignoring the former two statements, what does the phrase ‘Did she need her loyal pincushion’ even mean?”
Spike shrugged his shoulders, unaware as to why his mother would be so upset at the fact that he was sometimes a stand in for Rarity’s pincushion. Removing the hoof from his mouth he said, “She sticks needles into my back, and I wait until she calls me. Then I go to her and she takes a pin and puts it in a dress.”
Celestia’s vision became blurred for a moment as she struggled to keep herself sitting up wards. The guard quickly came and had the princess lean on him for support.
Discord could have released every villain in Tartarus, Twilight could have been assassinated by a villain, Cadance could have gone in to labor, and Celestia would have written them all off. All she could think about was the word pincushion as her wits returned to her. “Sweet Faust, where did I send you with Twilight?”
Meanwhile, for reasons known only to him, Blueblood was grinning from ear to ear, as if a wonderous miracle was about to occur. Although his outlook on Spike had changed for the better, Blueblood was only mortal and therefore, held grudges. One particular grudge was against one Rarity Belle. Simply knowing that Spike had landed her in hot water made his injuries and demeanor all the more pleasant.
“Anyway, back to my story?”
All Celestia could do was nod, looking at the dragon with a worried look in her eyes. “Just keep it relevant to why you’re covered in scratches.”
Oh yes, Blueblood thought to himself as his grin grew even wider. Do tell us more.
As, I dwelled on the thought of Rarity, remembering her sweet scent, her soft fur, her sparkling sapphire eyes, and her sweet voice, the door was thrown open and there stood Cadance.
“Blueblood!” She shrieked as she marched passed me and towards Blueblood. “What the hell did you do!?”
“Sweet lord, Cadance!” Blueblood cried. “You look so tense! You really could use a massage.”
I don’t know why, but Cadance just hauled off and punched him after he said that. That’s when I did my best to de-escalate things. I ran to get you. I took one step and the floor creaked. The next thing I knew, Cadance blasted me through two walls and into the animal garden. The animals did not like me being in their home. After about fifteen minutes of screaming the guards saved me.
“Again, I was running on instinct when I did that,” Cadance clarified as Spike’s story came to an end.
There was only one thing Celestia could say in response. “A pincushion.” Celestia took her son by his shoulders and gave him a serious look. “Spike, tell me that a grown mare does not use you as a pincushion.”
“Of course! She even lets me take out her trash, be her fitting dummy, and a bunch of things! Gotta play the long game.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I made that mare he’s driveling on about have the worst night of her life,” Blueblood said. “And as a side note, Cadance was the villain here, I was just a bystander.”
“Blueblood, not now.”
Blueblood frowned at the declaration. “Why?”
“Because I’m more focused on the pincushion aspect of this conversation.”
“Why? She needed my help,” Spike said as if were a simple matter of fact.
Celestia’s mouth went dry for a moment, as she tried to comprehend the moral negligence of using a child as a pincushion. “Spike, you and I are going to have conversation about Ponyville later today. Earth Trotter, how did this all end?”
The stallion, who had been waiting for the command to continue with his day, obeyed with a nod. “Here’s what happened. We found those two fighting,” He said, pointing to Cadance and Blueblood. “I use the term fighting loosely here. It was more like the crazy one was trapped in a shield while the spoiled one hid inside another shield. We had Blueblood lower Cadance’s shield and we subdued her. While this was happening, another group dispersed the animals attacking the boy, and here we all are ten minutes later.”
“So, Blueblood did nothing?” Celestia asked.
“He might have put a hoof in his mouth the moment that Cadance showed up, but if that happens, it’s a day that ends in Y.”
“Amazing.” Celestia began to rub her forehead as an aching pain began to spread. She took a deep breath before turning to Cadance.
“Cadance, I am sorry for disturbing you, I should have made this entire ordeal optional. Do whatever you need to do to calm down and relax. And if you slip up again, I am going to snap that horn off of your head. Also, I cannot promise you that I am not taking your first-born trick or treating for their first Nightmare Night.”
"I understand. Thank you, Celestia." Cadance could breathe easier now. She was expecting much more than a scolding for what she did, but she was not complaining.
Celestia turned to her nephew. “Blueblood, I’m very happy you were not yourself when this happened. And Spike,” she said as she stood up. “You and I are going to the medical wing.” She placed Spike on her back and left the three remaining ponies alone. Hopefully, today would be the end the insanity that had been spreading throughout the city, and Celestia could just relax. Little did she know, that her sister had other plans.