Dear Princess Celestia,
I am fucking pissed and horribly hurt. I don't think I have felt more horrible in my life than I do right now. I just received a letter from Fluttershy telling me how she has been screwing the vet every single night ever since they started making plans for that fucking animal sanctuary. How the hell could she do this to me? I gave her my love, I gave her my heart and I even wanted to marry her and hope we could spend many, many millennia together. Hell I was even going to beg you to make the two of us immortal so we would have an eternity together but not anymore.
You know what, fuck this shit. Love and romance are nothing more than a crock of shit and commitment is nothing more than a government run scam to tie ponies down to one another. Right now, I want none of it and I mean none of it. I don't want to be tied down, I am shutting off my heart forever and I don't even feel like being intimate with anypony anymore. Unless it is a friendly hug from one of my friends, I don't even feel like being touched by anypony.
This is one of those moments where I truly wish you wouldn't have cast that longevity spell on Fluttershy. I don't know if I can stand to be around her for 3,000 years because all I will ever be able to think of when I see that little whore is what she did to me and as far as that vet goes, it is all I can do right now to not go out, abduct her and then torture her to death. I know seeing her will do nothing more than bring about a rage within me, a painful rage.
I know you'll likely say no but could I come up to Canterlot for a couple of days and visit you? I know we have had bad times, very bad times but I just need some motherly advice, motherly advice like you gave me when I was a filly since you are the one who basically raised me.
Devastated, Angry and In Need of Advice,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Twilight,
She did what? You have given her so much and she cheats on you? What a fucking little whore. Yes you have been a bitch for a good part of your life but even I wouldn't wish such heartache on you. Right now I feel truly bad for you and if you didn't have that fancy castle, had a student who is extremely successful and had four other great friends, I would have allowed you to come home. Hell I would have even given you a throne here in the throne room but I know you are strong and like she has on other occasions, I know Starlight will help guide you through these rough times.
Now I don't blame you for not wanting to have to even see her right now or anytime soon for that matter because if I were in your situation, I would be in the same mindset. Now when it comes to you not thinking you will be able to handle 3,000 years of her, don't worry about it because if she is outside, I can reverse that spell from my balcony. Don't worry Twilight, I will not allow her to hurt you like this anymore.
Regarding you coming up for advice for a couple of days, I think it would be best if you did. I see this going on and I can't help but have fond memories of before you matured and you and I had what amounted to a mother/daughter relationship. Yes you are fully grown and have long ago fulfilled your destiny but I would like for us to grow close again, like we should have been all along.
Looking Forward to Repairing Our Relationship,
Princess Celestia
Dear Fluttershy,
You little bitch, you dirty little bitch. Twilight wrote to me and it looks like my suspicions were correct. She gave you so much and hell she even gave up the spa twins for you yet you pull this shit. Hell I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you haven't been screwing that vet for quite some time and doing a damn good job of hiding it from the one you claim to love.
You sicken me Fluttershy, you truly sicken me and since your relationship with her is no more, I am reversing that longevity spell I cast on you. You don't deserve to hang around for 3,000 years and make Twilight miserable and be nothing more than a reminder of this moment in her life, you don't deserve to be a constant reminder of how infidelity crushed her sweet, loving heart.
Disgusted by You,
Princess Celestia
To Bitchlestia,
Oh so now all of a sudden because Twilight got her heart broken you are going to care about her again? Does seeing her heart being broke actually prove you have one? This right here is proof that you are nothing short of a hypocrite. For so long you have been one of the worst bitches of all time towards her and now it seems like you want to protect her like she's your fucking little precious daughter.
You know what, fuck this shit. Go ahead and remove the longevity spell and while you're at it, take Twilight home. Yes she is friends with my other friends but we lived perfectly fine without her before and we can do just fine without her now. Oh and while you're at it, could you take Starlight and Trixie off our hooves too? I'm still pissed that Starlight left me for her and basically proved to be just as disloyal as everypony else.
Here's an idea, promote that white unicorn with the pink mane and tail to being a princess and send her down here. I know that she wouldn't mind it if I had both her and Dr. Fauna as "friends." Just consider what I suggested because I do think Twinkleshine is hot and seeing her all the time would be much better than having to put up with a pony who will likely start bitching all the damn time again.
Hoping You'll Send Me Twinkleshine,
Fluttershy