//------------------------------// // Strain // Story: Pandemic: Hope // by Cadiefly //------------------------------// The aftermath of Monty’s actions had the populous in an uproar. From the patients’ screams of panic to the swift actions by the orderlies, we had gone into defcon-5. Over the next few hours, people were sent to the west wing, even if they were only suspected of being infected. It had truly become a witch hunt. By the following day, a makeshift wall had been erected out of mattresses, pillows, and tables to keep them out. Residents on the other side looked at it with resentment. Some even looked sullen, as if their lives were forfeit. Though it sickened me to watch from the ‘safe’ side of the wall, it seemed to have worked, at least for the time being. A couple of chairs had been procured from the cafeteria and spaced apart evenly on our side of the border. I was currently seated in one next to David, whom was my only companion. He held a grim look upon his face from the moment he entered the hall and sat next to me. For a guy who always wore a smile, it somehow made him even more unbearable in a way that dwarfed my uneasiness with a judging crowd. As we guarded the east wing, something I still didn’t know whether I liked or not, my eyes were trained on someone pacing on the other side of the hall. I hadn’t yet had the pleasure of meeting her, but from the grown tail which swished back and forth, I recognized her as the culprit responsible for the mess we were in. She noticed my stare and glared at me with impunity. No one was in a position to detain her in her quarters due to the circumstance, and so she was out here with the other infected. I supposed she was scheming a way to escape, but I couldn’t be sure. “It sure is something, isn’t it?” David finally broke the silence with a whisper. “This is the kind of stuff you read about in science fiction.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “You ever read Twilight at the Towers? It was written by… What was his name, again? Clive Barker, that’s it.” I shook my head. “What was it about?” “On the surface, it was about monsters and transformations. Sound familiar?” David seemed to lose himself to contemplation for a moment. He ran his hand gently along a mattress in front of him. “In it, this idea of the ‘true self’ was discussed over and over again. It’s about werewolves, surely—” his eyes settled on the disgruntled looks from the people across the room “—but were they truly the monsters? Or was it the people who tried to suppress them?” “Where are you getting at?” I asked. “Never mind, it’s nothing.” David went back to sulking. I stared back at the young woman. For a moment, I could have sworn she had the devil’s face, accompanied by mischievous tail and ears, but when I blinked, the sight was gone. My eyes must have played tricks on me again; still, it may not have been that far off. I suddenly noticed that the cracked ground underneath her feet as she continued to pace. I found that unsettling; not for the first time I questioned whether what I was seeing was real or not. I asked, “Is the floor being damaged by that woman’s pacing?” “It shouldn’t.” He then looked over to her. “Wait. You’re right. Is that even possible? Well, not much we can do about that now anyways.” A thought suddenly manifested at the forefront of my mind by our makeshift fort and the unhappy faces across from us. I tried to block out its voice, but it demanded an answer. “How long will they stand idly on their side of the border?” It wasn’t until moments later, when I was being relieved of my shift by somebody else, that David responded. “How long can we do the same?” The next few hours went by in relative silence. I had trouble falling asleep; David’s words ran unendingly through my mind. Whatever was going through his head clearly made him conflicted. He held sympathy for those trapped within the east wing, perhaps even the person responsible for spreading the disease to this facility. If he held any convictions beyond that, however, I couldn’t see them. I turned over in my bed, and as I laid there staring up at the ceiling, my mind drifted like the waves in the sea. My thoughts drifted erratically some of the time. There was the occasional lull as well, when it was almost peaceful. The uncertainty was always present however, feeding into anxiety the more I tried to face my problem. The woman unexpectedly found her way into my thoughts as I tried to calm myself. From her personality to her condition, she was a mystery. What were the circumstances which brought her here? I imagined she even had a family who worried over her. It was easy to blame her for everything, but if Monty was friendly with her and David expressed doubt, then perhaps there was more to her than the unadulterated anger she had worn the rest of that afternoon. I wasn’t eager to socialize with her and find out, but I could find solace in that she wasn’t the source of my problem after all. The fact of the matter remained, however, that I was trapped. We all were, in one way or another, but my hardship felt especially daunting to me. If I applied myself, I might find a solution to our predicament only to discover this event turned out to be some twisted delusion I conjured the entire time. The only other recourse left was to wait this out, as if that would magically solve everything. I was so used the snide remarks made by my other self, or whatever he was, that I felt hollow when they didn’t come. He may have always been negative, but at least he provided me direction. Now, I didn’t even have that. My sheets fell away as I jumped up in frustration. So much for having a good night’s rest. If I was being realistic, though, everyone else was probably having just as difficult, if not more so, of a time sleeping. I rubbed my eyes absentmindedly and then glanced over to a clock which hung over the only door in my room. It read two o’clock in the morning; I wouldn’t get much rest tonight indeed. Setting aside the thought of sleep, I got dressed and exited my room. There wasn’t really a destination in mind. The walls were empty enough as it was during the daytime, but at night it seemed practically deserted. My feet eventually brought me to a common room at the far end of the hall. Because I had spent as little time as possible in the presence of others, I wasn’t sure what to expect inside. I was caught by a sudden intrigue to explore it, so I peered inside. It was about what I expected to find. There was an open sitting area with a few tables for the residents to gather around, and on the other side of it, in the corner of the room, was a small library replete with books and board games. The only other occupants of the room were two men seated not too far from me. They paid no attention to me as I entered, their entire focus remaining on a game of chess that was situated between them. Since they were totally engrossed with it, I gave their table a wide breadth so as to avoid bothering them. When I reached their library, which was only comprised of a few cubbies, I stared at the catalogue, searching lackadaisically for any titles that grabbed my attention. As my eyes trailed over the covers, I wondered if any of them had the power to whisk me away. I pulled one out, opened to the first page, and glossed over its contents. I understood the written words, but I couldn’t really process what they meant. I gave up with a tired sigh; it was just another story I had to put down before I had even begun. “You lookin’ for a good book?” A short woman stepped into my periphery. A baggy jacket masked her frame, and the long hair cascading down her face made it difficult for me to identify her as well. When she kneeled down to retrieve something from one of the cubbies, she had to pull her sleeves away from her hands in order to get a better grip of it. “You seem out of sorts. I generally find the best books are the ones that hit closest to home.” She offered one to me. “Here, try this one.” “I didn’t see you come in,” I said. I glanced around the room as if it would give me an indication of where she had come from. “Yeah, I usually prefer to be alone, so I tucked myself away from prying eyes.” It was only after she statement that I noticed her shying away from me. She pointedly faced the ground as she handed the book to me. I opened it hesitantly, as I had with the previous one, with a striking interest. The possibilities of what her recommendation entailed were endless. I was rewarded with a befuddling riddle. The pages were all blank. “Why did you hand this to me?” When I turned to face her, however, she was no longer next to me. The only sign she had ever been in the room was the book I held in my hand. Its texture felt as real to me as anything else, and as I stared back down at it, I wondered if I had somehow conjured her in my mind. A growing sense of dread began building inside. If that was the case, if I couldn’t even tell who was real and who wasn’t, then what chance did I have of piecing together any semblance of order in the midst of this outbreak? My life was in shambles, and there was nothing I could do to change that. I flung the book into the shelf with a furious cry. A number of them toppled over, and when that wasn’t enough, I wrenched the entire shelf away from the wall. Everything went flying, which elicited frightened shouts from across the room. I didn’t care for the chess game that I had undoubtedly interrupted, however, so I paid them no mind. I sprinted out into the halls and made a beeline for my room. Once I reached it, I slammed the door behind me and didn’t come out even after the sun rose. Quite some time had passed. I had lost track of how long I spent in my room, but it was long enough to alert the staff. When an orderly couldn’t rouse me, with soothing words alone, from my quarters so that I could eat, that caused them worry. I had refused the first two meals offered to me. I told them I wasn’t hungry, but the truth of the matter was I couldn’t deal with anyone. My stomach growled in protest, but it was ignored. My stubbornness awarded me a greeting from David after a while. He knocked on the door late in the afternoon and then greeted me. “I hear you’ve not been eating.” “Please, I’m not in the mood.” My words somehow felt hollow even as I said them. I had no reason to believe David would be dissuaded by them. In order to avoid showing any signs of weakness, I laid stock still with my eyes trained at the wall. “You might feel in the mood to eat once you tell me what’s wrong, then.” I heard David approach the bed and sat down by my feet. “You have plenty of time to talk about it.” “Oh no, I see what you’re doing. This is the part where you manipulate me into letting you in. Trust me, this is nothing that needs to concern you.” After a moment of silence, in which I felt awkward under his prying gaze, I added, “I’ll feel up to eating tomorrow.” “Even if we already have a steaming hot plate waiting for you?” David asked doubtfully. “Come tomorrow, it won’t be as fresh.” It wasn’t until then that I finally turned to face him. “You can give it to someone who hasn’t already eaten then. I’m sure there’s plenty of hungry souls. Maybe someone over in the west wing will want it.” Upon hearing my suggestion, David’s expression darkened. He retreated to the door with a slump in his shoulders. His hand found purchase on the frame once he was there, and his knuckles turned white as he gripped it. When he didn’t say anything, I asked, “What is it?” “It’s nothing that should be of any concern to a patient.” He brightened afterward, as if he didn’t just become broody. “Are you sure you don’t want any food right now?” “I’m sure,” I said dryly. “I’ll feel up to eating tomorrow, I assure you.” “Tell you what then.” He paused for a moment of contemplation to eye something, presumably the plate of food he tried to offer, in the hall. “I’ll take your food away and ask the other orderlies not to bother you the rest of the evening. But only if you promise to let me know what’s eating at you in the morning.” “Fine.” I relented. “I could use an evening of silence for a change.” I readjusted myself so that I was covered by the bedsheets. I felt a sense of pride as I closed my eyes. There wasn’t much I could control nowadays, but I was satisfied in knowing that I still had control over this. On his way out, David said, “I’ll hold you to that promise.” I was awoken later that evening by yelling. I tried tuning it out and returning to sleep, but there were no signs of it dying down. By the time I resolved myself to investigate it, I was already too awake to ignore it. When I peered out of my room, I realized I wasn’t the only one that had been disturbed. I saw nearly about a dozen confused people fascinated by the spectacle. A few of them clung to their doors, shuddering and unsure if they should cover their ears or withdraw back into their quarters. Down at the end of the hall, before our improvised fort, were David and Dr. Webster in a heated argument. David seemed to be in a frenzy. Gone were his cordial sentiments as he shoved the doctor menacingly. “You treat them as monsters!” Dr. Webster gaped at the accusation. He shook his head, dumbfounded. “That is preposterous!” “Preposterous, he says,” David grumbled before turning away. There was a collective gasp when David stepped up onto one of the mattresses that made up the fort. “Please, think about what you’re doing.” David scanned the halls, making no effort at hiding contempt for the Doctor in his announcement. “I could say the same for you, but you seem to have lost all sense of reason after just a single day. Go on, tell them how you plan to abandon everyone on the other side.” “Be reasonable,” Webster said. “There’s no telling how long we’re going to be in this mess. We have to prepare for the worst.” The orderly merely scoffed. “This is how you justify starving out half of our residents? ‘Prepare for the worst.’ Since when did this become so dire that we can’t spare even a single plate of food for them? I’d love to know.” “I’m... not the enemy here.” Webster was only just audible enough for me to hear the desperation in his voice. Whatever the full picture may have been, this was surely not the reaction he’d anticipated. Then again, none of us foresaw David behaving in this manner. “Then tell me who is, because from where I’m standing, it’s hard to see it any other way.” “No one is.” Dr. Webster clenched his trembling hands. “We’re holding things together by a single thread. I-I’m just doing what I think is best for us.” David halted his verbal assault to process the doctor’s statement. When he finally spoke, it was with the passion of someone who was committed to his cause. “I’m doing what I think is best as well, Doc. Now if you’ll excuse me, the residents in the other wing need my aid.” Dr. Webster reached out for David. “There’s no turning back from this, David. The virus could kill you.” The orderly recoiled from the doctor’s hand. Without listening to another word, David crossed the final threshold and entered the west wing.