“This guy!” Discord said, two foam hands appearing on his talons just so he could point them at himself and his tasteful yet subtly exciting Team Discord T-shirt. “...Don’t give me that look, it’s a direct continuation from the last chapter.”
“How could he dodge it?” Sunset demanded. “I thought this was some kind of magical superweapon!”
“He shouldn’t have been able to,” Nightmare Moon growled.
“There’s a saying we have in the ephemerial chaos,” Discord said, lightly brushing his shoulder. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… fool me once, won’t fool me again.”
Nightmare Moon looked at her sister. “Perhaps Celestia can talk him to death.”
“Oh, I know!” Discord clapped. “Everypony can try using their own special talent to defeat me, and then in the end we can talk about the lessons we learned and wrap it all up in a cute little letter with a moral at the end!”
“It seems he’s already familiar with your methods, sister.”
“I don’t always do that,” Celestia protested.
“You do it a lot,” Twilight mumbled.
“I’ve got a better idea,” Sunset said. Her horn lit up, and she stepped closer to Discord.
“Ooh. Are you going to blast me with a fireball? Some kind of exotic spell with big scientific words like ‘sublimation’? Hit me with your best shot.” He closed his eyes and tapped his chin.
Sunset grabbed his beard and pulled him down, slamming their foreheads together.
“Ow,” Cadance winced.
“Why would you--” Discord stumbled back. “That hurt! Celestia never hit me! She tried to disintegrate me, but she never got physical!”
“He didn’t dodge that?” Midnight frowned.
“You could have broken my other fang! I’ve only got the one good one, you know!”
“Grab him!” Twilight yelled.
Sunset lunged, snagging the end of his tail as he started to slip away. Discord snapped his talons, and only managed to get as far as his tail would reach.
“What?” Discord blinked.
“It’s the Element! It’s interfering with his magic!” Twilight yelled.
Cadance jumped in to pin his talon before he could snap again.
“Stop it!” Discord growled, trying to throw her off.
“Not strong enough to get rid of the Princess of Hugs?” Cadance asked. “I bet that nickname isn’t as funny now, is it?”
“I’m starting to get a little upset!” Discord growled. “That’s it, I’m going to send all of you somewhere that makes Tartarus look like a vacation destination! I hope you like New Jersey!”
Nightmare Moon’s hoof impacted where his liver would be if he was a pony. Discord spat out a stream of balloon animals. That probably meant it had been effective, and possibly also that he had a gallbladder filled with party supplies.
“Hit him with the Elements while he’s distracted!” She ordered.
“He’ll just dodge!” Midnight yelled.
“Not if I keep holding on!” Sunset squeezed.
Discord yelped, spitting out one last balloon dog.
“I’ll be fine! Just aim at the dumb noodle instead of me!”
“Don’t be stupid, Sunset! I’m stronger than you!” Cadance pulled, dragging Discord closer to her.
“This isn’t the time to argue!” Sunset pulled back, Discord starting to stretch and pop. “I can hold him! He’s got practically no upper-body strength!”
“Both of you let go!” Discord demanded. “This is absurd! I’m all-powerful!”
“Your FACE is all-powerful!” Sunset yelled.
Cadance struggled to hold on while Discord flailed. “Is that even an insult?”
“Take the shot!”
“Don’t take the shot! She’ll be a statue too!” Discord yelled.
“You can just unpetrify me later!”
Cadance bit her lip. “Are you so sure about that?”
“This was a lot more fun when things were going like I planned!” Discord wrenched, and the talon Cadance was holding popped off his body cleanly, feather stuffing showing in the hole like he was just a plush toy. His tail started to pop like a seam stretching.
“What's wrong, you can't handle a little unpredictable chaos?!" Sunset crawled up his body, scrambling up to get him around the shoulder and neck.
“Don't you dare threaten me with a good time!” Discord wiggled. "Let go!"
He snapped his talons and they turned upside-down.
“You think little tricks are gonna work when I had to deal with Midnight as a foal? She used to reverse gravity every time she slept!” Sunset squeezed tighter. “What’s wrong with all of you?! Stop watching on the sidelines and take the shot!”
The world dissolved into prismatic brilliance.
The Elements of Harmony are extremely powerful, arguably sentient, and ultimately almost impossible to actually control. The only thing that can be said for sure is that they channel the magic of Harmony, and every use has been effective, even on extraordinarily powerful targets.
When the rainbow light faded, Sunset expected to either be a statue or to be holding onto one, depending on how well the stupid things actually distinguished targets from collateral damage. Given their ability to seek out a target, she wasn't terribly hopeful.
Instead, she was holding something tiny and squirming, and from the feeling along her spine she'd popped a disk in her back from holding onto a wiggling chaos spirit.
“How dare you!” Discord squeaked. “I am chaos! I am death!”
Sunset was holding up what could be mistaken (at a distance, in poor lighting, by someone who had never actually seen one before) for a very large kitten. He bit Sunset's fetlock like an annoyed pet, making Sunset drop him on instinct. Celestia swept him up in a golden aura before he could get away on his four mismatched paws.
“What are we gonna do with the Emperor of Chaos and Master of a Hundred Stupid Titles?” Sunset asked, nodding at Discord and rubbing her fetlock. “Just because he’s small doesn’t mean he’s safe.”
“He’s the same size as Spike,” Twilight said. “Wait a minute...”
“Spike’s a baby dragon, does that mean…” Midnight continued.
Twilight and Midnight looked at each other.
“He’s a baby, um...” they said together, then stumbled, as had every taxonomist who had ever tried to classify Discord as anything other than a particularly poorly-made statue.
“Draconequuis,” Celestia provided. “But yes, he’s a baby again. This is how he looked back when he and I first met.”
"Sister always liked horrible monsters as pets, as long as they vaguely resembled cats," Nightmare Moon groaned.
“You were shorter,” Discord mumbled.
“I was!” Celestia agreed cheerfully.
“He’s adorable!” Cadance gasped. “We should keep him!”
“You should throw him in the dungeon,” Nightmare Moon said.
“But he’s so cute!” Celestia argued,
“I’m not cute,” Discord mumbled, hanging limply.
“He’s cute,” Cadance whispered, into Sunset’s ear.
Sunset looked at her and glared. “Thank you for your expert opinion.”
“By the time he’s out of the dungeon, he’ll be taller and less cute,” Nightmare Moon said, snatching her from Celestia’s grip.
“Luna, we can’t just throw him in prison! He’s a child!”
Nightmare Moon looked over her shoulder. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I’m glad you see things my way.”
“A dog crate is more appropriate for something his size.”
“Luna!”
Cadance giggled and hugged Sunset. After a moment she frowned, feeling something strange, and looked at Sunset’s back. She leaned in and nipped.
“Ow! Stop it!”
“You have feathers!” Cadance gasped.
“What?” Sunset jumped to her feet, ignoring her aching back.
“Hold on, I just have to-” Cadance tugged, unfolding something that hadn’t been there before.
Sunset looked over her shoulder, her eyes full of wonder and-- her expression went flat. “You’re joking.”
Cadance had revealed a wing that was about the same size and shape appropriate for a chicken.
“They’re the tiniest wings I’ve ever seen,” Twilight whispered.
Midnight groaned. “She’s gonna start yelling.”
“What the flipping buck is this?!” Sunset flapped it and looked exactly as absurd as one would assume. Discord snickered. Nightmare Moon snorted. Celestia had the composure to only laugh on the inside.
“I told you she was gonna yell,” Midnight mumbled.
“I think I can explain,” Celestia said, clearly trying to avoid laughing. “I explained things to Cadance as best I knew, though I don’t think she quite understood.”
“It’s some kind of ironic punishment, right?” Sunset demanded. "I wanted to be an alicorn and Discord was tempting me with it, so I have to learn some stupid lesson about forgiveness and maybe another lesson about surgical amputations."
Celestia cleared her throat. “Alicorns are created when a pony with a very high magical potential is exposed to an extreme magical gradient while doing something related to their cutie mark. Or possibly their destiny. Either way, the Elements of Harmony tend to qualify."
“The Elements are certainly more than enough,” Nightmare Moon said. “Celestia and I each wielded three of them the first time we fought this monster--”
“This adorable monster!” Celestia corrected, pinching Discord's cheek.
Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes. “The point is, it wasn’t intended for a pony to use more than one at a time. Probably. There was a considerable amount of backlash.”
“Age spells are considerably more complicated than petrification and used up more of the available magical output,” Celestia noted. “There was a lot less, ah, backlash as well, since we had the proper number of ponies. Since the amount of overflow that hit you was small, your, ah, attributes are… also small. It likely wouldn’t have done anything at all if you hadn’t been skirting the edge for years.”
“Skirting the edge?” Cadance asked.
“Between either having this happening or having her magic collapse entirely,” Celestia explained. “She severely damaged her leylines doing something foolish. Over the years, she got a little taller, a little stronger, and had repeated attacks because of her damaged wellspring. It was like a cake left half-baked. If you wait too long, trying to fix it leaves it half burned and half raw.”
“That’s a terrible metaphor,” Nightmare Moon sighed.
“Do you have a better one?”
“...No,” Nightmare Moon admitted.
“The good thing is, you’ll have plenty of time to come up with one,” Celestia said.
“I’m sure that you all have many questions,” Celestia said, once the press had been gathered, the sun and moon set back in their proper places, and the Royal Guard had recovered and restored order.
They'd decided to let Celestia handle the talking purely on the merit that the press would bend over backwards to put a positive spin on what she said.
“Equestria has been through an almost unprecedented period of chaos and uncertainty, but I assure you that the threat is over, and you are all safe once again. I wish that I could take credit for this, but in truth, my part in this was the smallest amongst today’s heroes.”
Celestia motioned with her wing to the ponies at her side.
“I would like to formally introduce my sister, Princess Luna.”
Nightmare Moon frowned at that but didn’t correct Celestia.
“My sister has been long absent from the throne because of misunderstandings between us, but when Equestria needed her most, she returned and personally led my students, both current and former, to success alongside Princess Cadance. She saved me, and all of you, and has my deepest thanks.”
“What exactly happened?” Yelled a reporter from the Canterlot Daily.
“There was a massive surge of chaos magic,” Celestia explained. “I was unfortunately caught in the initial manifestation. I assure you that there was no real danger to life and limb. Next question.”
“Where’s your throne?”
Celestia looked through the window. The huge golden seat was just visible on the lawn.
“Next good question?” She suggested.
“Amazing,” Nightmare Moon said, walking alongside Celestia as they left the throne room. “You spoke for almost an hour, answered every question, and you managed to avoid actually telling anything even remotely related to the truth. You do truly have a talent for politics, sister. Perhaps in other circumstances, you would have a tax form on your flank instead of the sun.”
“It’s distasteful but necessary,” Celestia said. “I can’t always protect them from a dangerous world, but I can try to shield them from the harsh truths.”
“So instead of being banished, I was merely away in the very vaguest of terms. And instead of Discord being a deadly threat, it was merely a magical accident with no villain.”
“It’s easier this way. I want our ponies to see you as a hero, and Discord… I meant it when I said he was my friend. Maybe with how Equestria is now, we can be friends again.”
“Remember that easy isn’t always the best option,” Nightmare Moon cautioned. “You’ve always had a bad habit of taking the easy path just to avoid conflict now, even when it hurts ponies later. Your students. Me.”
“You’re right,” Celestia admitted. “I was already planning on having a chat with them.”
“Stop planning it and do it,” Nightmare Moon ordered. “You owe me. I’ll consider your debt lessened if you’ll mare up and do something hard for once in your life.”
There was a slow knock on the door.
“It’s open unless you’re the press,” Sunset yelled. She tossed the vest she was wearing aside and tried on a white cape with gold trim. It almost immediately slid over to one side, making it completely useless for what she wanted.
Celestia took a cape to the face when she opened the door.
“Outfit problems?” She asked, trying to dislodge it from her horn. She tugged a few times before it came free.
“I need to cover these stupid things,” Sunset muttered. Her tiny wings... well, flapped is far too elegant a term for limbs that could only flail like a barnyard fowl's.
“You’ll grow into them,” Celestia assured her.
Sunset frowned. “Unless I grow backwards that doesn’t seem likely.”
“I mean they’ll get bigger, eventually.” Celestia sighed. “It’s just going to take a few years.”
“And I’ll be a laughingstock until then.”
“I think anypony who laughs at you deserves what they’ll get,” Celestia said. “I thought Cadance would be here.”
“She’s trying to find something that won’t make me look fat or stupid.”
“You realize she’s going to come back with something…” Celestia trailed off.
“I know. Something even worse. Probably with lace.”
“What about a jacket?” Celestia asked, taking a rather plain black coat from the closet. “It won’t slide around like a cape thanks to the sleeves, and it’s thick enough to cover your sides.”
Sunset pulled it on.
“Hmm…” She turned to the side. “I think I can make this work.”
Celestia glanced towards the next room. “Could you get Midnight? I think I owe her an explanation.”
Midnight glared at the huge white liar.
“So he was telling the truth. You knew all along.”
Celestia nodded wordlessly.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“At the time, it seemed like the thing to do,” Celestia said. “I thought it would be a few moons at most, and you’d be going home, and Sunset would have learned a valuable lesson. She’d be learning about the mirror, ending her obsession, and doing it for somepony else instead of her own ambition.”
“Where is my home?” Midnight whispered.
“The mirror was created by Star Swirl the Bearded. It’s a portal, which opens from time to time to another world. He never taught me the secrets of making them, and despite all my efforts I couldn’t repair it.”
“So you just never told me?!”
“It was easier. You were happy. You didn’t remember anything of that horrible place. I’ve seen the other world. It’s cruel and terrible in ways you can’t imagine. No magic or harmony, just random chance. When I saw it, the natives had barely mastered the written word and buildings were made of animal skins stretched over wooden frames. Ponies were enslaved and, as far as I could tell, little more than animals.”
Midnight looked down at her hooves.
“For a year I did everything in my power to fix the mirror. Then your birthday came around and I wavered in my resolve. I saw how you and Sunset were. Sunset is like a daughter to me, and I was losing her. When you appeared, at first you were a project to keep her attention. I thought it would just be a way to curb her growing ambition.”
“So if Sunset hadn’t taken me in, you’d have let me go?”
“Even if I could send you back, how could I justify sending a foal into a place so bad Star Swirl used it as a prison? By keeping you close at hoof I could at least make sure you were happy. And you were. And, I hope, you’ll be happy again.”
“I want to see it.”
Spike clapped his hands while Discord used what tiny spark of chaos magic he still possessed to make the gems in his dinner change color.
“So the dragon is… your younger brother?” Nightmare Moon asked, slowly. “Your parents must have a very interesting lifestyle which I don’t wish to know anything about.”
“No, no, he’s adopted because I hatched him,” Twilight explained.
“You hatched him?” Nightmare Moon frowned. “Doesn’t that make you his mother?”
“By dragon law, sure. But officially he’s my brother because I was only a filly when he was born. Celestia said it would be easier if we were siblings since we were so close in age.”
“With all these interesting decisions my sister has made it makes me wonder if overthrowing her and plunging Equestria into eternal night wouldn’t be better for everypony.”
Spike burped loudly. Discord yelled something and his voice abruptly cut out.
“Oops,” he said. “I accidentally, uh…”
“I’ll get the bucket,” Twilight sighed.
“Where’s Discord?” Nightmare Moon asked, with some alarm.
Celestia pulled the tarp free.
The mirror looked the same as it did years ago, a crack running down the glass, the silver dulled. It reflected the sealed room dimly, more like a gently rippling puddle of mud than a real mirror.
“It opens once every thirty moons,” Celestia explained. “Or at least it used to. In its current state, if a pony tried to go through, they wouldn’t reach the other side.”
Midnight glared at her distorted reflection. “Discord said he could get me there.”
A curl of smoke flitted through the room to stop in front of Celestia, erupting into green flame and depositing a baby Draconequuis in mid-air. Celestia caught him just before he hit the ground.
“That dragon is a menace!” Discord squeaked. “He set me on fire!”
“You seem fine,” Celestia said. “You should be glad he just sent you like a letter instead of actually burning you to a cinder.”
“Yes, but I’m the only one allowed to be a menace!”
“As long as you’re here, perhaps you’d like to help?” She motioned to the mirror.
“Oh. That.” Discord frowned. He folded his paws. “You know I never planned on fixing it, right?”
Midnight huffed. “I should have known.”
“I was quite serious with my offer to send you home,” Discord said. “I just wasn’t going to do anything as droll as repairing anything. Chaos magic is terrible at that. If I tried to snap my talons and put it back together…” He snapped, and nothing happened. He tried a few more times until there was a spark. “...we’d only get seven years of bad luck.”
“Then what would you have done?” Celestia asked.
“Fixing things is impossible, so I would have torn a hole through the universe and tossed her through. It would have been hilarious! She’d have gone home but still been a pony while in a world of bipeds!”
“Could you do that?” Midnight looked up at Celestia.
Celestia shook her head.
“Hmmm…” Discord leaned in close to the mirror, scratching at it with his talon. “There’s still a little give in this, you know.”
“A little give?” Midnight asked.
“If you tried to go through, you’d turn into a plate of tragic purple spaghetti, but you could get something smaller through.”
Nightmare Moon read over the scroll that had appeared in front of her.
“Sister found Discord. Apparently, he didn’t burn to death. I suppose not everything can go as well as we hope.” She rolled it up and tossed it aside. “We should keep him on a leash.”
Twilight rocked Spike back and forth, lulling the dragon to sleep. “Is it true you’re leaving?”
“I believe it would be best. I don’t like the fawning nobility here worshipping my sister’s hooves.”
“I want to go with you,” Twilight said.
Nightmare Moon raised an eyebrow slowly. “Oh?”
“Well, um, you’re going to be at the Castle of the Twin Sisters, right? There are a ton of books there I’ve never even heard of before!”
“Ah, so it’s my library you’re after, is it?”
“There’s also…” Twilight looked down. “If I stay here, ponies are always going to compare me and Midnight.”
“They’ll do that no matter what.”
“Yeah, but if we’re together doing the same things all the time it’s like constantly being in a race! I mean I’m not afraid of losing and my grades are better--”
“But staying ahead is exhausting,” Nightmare Moon said. “I sympathize. I had to deal with my sister.”
“And I want to be your student. You can teach me things Celestia wouldn’t.”
“I won’t teach you things she would,” Nightmare Moon pointed out. “She’s a better teacher and has far more patience.”
“I’m a good enough student to make up for it. I don’t want the same education as Midnight. We’ll always be connected, but this whole thing with the Elements taught me that we don’t have to be the same to work together. Our differences make us stronger because we bring different things to the table.”
“You certainly are one of Sister’s students. She loves summarizing things in pithy little lessons like that.”
“Will you let me be your student?”
“It would be an unnecessary burden. What would I get out of it?” Nightmare Moon examined her hoof with apparent disinterest.
“How about a head of staff?”
“I can’t convince you to stay?” Celestia asked.
“We’re on the parade grounds,” Nightmare Moon said, her voice flat. “I’ve already packed a luggage train with everything I’ll need in the immediate future. The Night Guard is assembled to go with me. My sencheal spent a week planning this with your help. And now you ask if you can convince me?”
“She’s got a point,” Sunset said, tugging on the leash she was holding. A tiny chaos spirit was on the other end, struggling with the collar. Cadance was busily tying a pink ribbon to his horn.
“This is humiliating,” Discord mumbled.
Midnight yawned. “Did we really have to do this in the middle of the night?”
“The Night Guard couldn’t provide an escort during the day,” Cadance said. “You have to admit their armor looks nice, though.”
Celestia looked around. “I suppose it is a bit silly to ask. Is it too much to hope we can at least stay in touch?”
Nightmare Moon sighed. “I won’t be on the moon. Our castles are close enough that we could see each other if we wave.”
“Oh good,” Celestia smiled. “That means you won’t mind joining me for dinner on occasion?”
Nightmare Moon cleared her throat, and Twilight trotted up with a scroll.
“Full moons at the Castle of the Twin Sisters, new moons at Canterlot,” Twilight said. “Holidays are negotiable, but the Summer Sun Celebration and Nightmare Night events will obviously be coordinated by the respective party.”
She gave Celestia the scroll to read.
“I see you have a calendar and suggestions,” Celestia laughed a little.
Cadance read over her shoulder. “I’d better still be in charge of Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“The schedule will be tight for the first full moon depending on how long it takes to have the castle renovated,” Twilight said. “I’ve already sent letters to the nearby towns of Hollow Shades and Ponyville, and they’ll be sending ponies to assist with the repairs.”
“Don’t be afraid to ask for help,” Celestia said, leaning in to hug Nightmare Moon. “I know you don’t need it, Luna, but it would be a favor to me if you allowed me to help you with some little thing once in a while.”
“I’ll consider it,” Nightmare Moon said. “As a favor to you.”
“Hey, Twilight,” Midnight said, quietly. “You’re not just leaving because of me, are you?”
Twilight shook her head. “Don’t be so self-centered. I’m doing this because it’s a great opportunity.”
Midnight narrowed her eyes. “You have a crush on her, don’t you?”
“What?! Your mind is warped by being too close to Cadance all the time! I respect Nightmare Moon and she saved everypony but that doesn’t mean I like her in that way! Ponies can respect each other and be friends without there being romantic feelings involved!”
“Mmm…” Midnight smiled.
“I always shipped her with you, Midnight,” Cadance said, loudly enough that there was absolutely no way everypony on the parade ground didn’t hear.
Midnight and Twilight both looked at her.
“You wanna trade places?” Midnight asked.
“Not on your life,” Twilight snorted.
“We’re leaving,” Nightmare Moon called out. “Twilight, with me.”
Twilight waved and bounded off to the waiting chariot. The Night Guard took to the sky, Nightmare Moon and Twilight at their center, a dark arrow pointing right to the center of the Everfree and the uncertain future.
Discord sighed, sitting on the cobblestones and picking his nose. “This would be a good time for some kind of pithy quote.”
“Yes,” Celestia said. “It would.”
“Maybe an ominous sign of things to come?” Discord suggested. “Sequel bait type of thing?”
“What are you even talking about?” Sunset sighed.
“Never mind,” Discord sighed. “Let’s just get to the epilogue.”