//------------------------------// // Chapter Two: I make fun of the Shy one // Story: An Emo EQG OC Makes Fun of Everything // by Asunyan //------------------------------// Remember how in the prologue I mentioned I was in the same class as Fluttershy? Apparently, the Author forgot that last chapter and didn't realize I could've just talked to her today (being Friday) rather than go through Twilight. At least he remembered that today. As the bell rang for lunch, I was in my usual position: Hunched over my desk, half asleep with drool coming out of my mouth, listening to heavy metal hoping that no one would notice me. Cheerilee has already left, rather than trying to wake me up like normal, so I was probably going to have to lay here, allowing my saliva to slowly drip away on the desk and gather in a puddle that made it's way up to my eyes. Cute, right? Well, that was the plan, at least until I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I wonder who it could be... I looked up from my desk and saw (surprise, surprise) Fluttershy standing above me, her hand extended to my shoulder. I must've looked great. Half asleep, massive bags under my eyes, hair that resembled a birds nest dipped in tar, and a face covered in drool. If Fluttershy liked animals, then she might've thought I looked like a dog. "Um...excuse me?" The obligatory shy one asked, "I didn't mean to wake you, but you have something on your face." "If you didn't mean to wake me," I asked, allowing the slobber on my face to stay there, "Then why'd you tap my shoulder? Oh, never mind, we needed to jump-start the plot anyway. Whaddaya want, Fluttershee?" "Flutter...what?" She asked, not understanding the joke. Hell, I don't understand the joke. "Some guy (or girl) said I should call you that in the comments on the last chapter," I explained, "A reference to some YouTuber." "Um...okay," Fluttershy replied. Her hands were folded in front of her dress, prim and proper as she should be. "Anyway, I have a question to ask you." "Ooooh, a question!" I gushed, "What could it be, I wonder? If it's anything about having sex, I'm out. I'm waiting for one person, and even then, this story has a 'teen' rating, so it won't happen. I'm happy to make innuendos though!" "Oh no, nothing like that!" Fluttershy babbled, "It's just that...Twilight told me that you agreed to help me at the animal shelter today after school, and I was wondering if you going to do that, or if you were going to stand me up." "Why would I stand you up?" I asked, "That would ruin the plot of the chapter." "Oh, um...no reason!" Fluttershy tried to laugh her way out, but she was a horrible liar. But, I didn't care so, I didn't press further. "Don't worry, Fluttershy," I replied, trying to sound reassuring. I probably just sounded annoyed. "I'll meet you at the statue after school." "Really?" Fluttershy's face widened into a smile, "Thank you, Robyn!" Her face was in such an expression that it would make anyone's heart melt. Fortunately, I don't have a heart, just a black void of 'fuck this.' After she stood there for a few moments, I gently asked, "Can I get back to my nap now?" "Oh, um...I'm sorry!" Fluttershy ran off, probably to lunch, while I face-planted back into the saliva puddle, put my earbuds in and pressed play, gently falling asleep to intense heavy metal. Later when class resumed, Cheerilee gave me the 'deadly stare of death' that could rival Fluttershy's as I loudly ate my lunch in the middle of class while she was giving a lecture on the human reproductive system. Good times. I was right where Fluttershy expected me to be after school, give or take an action or two. After all, I seriously doubt she expected me to be repeatedly banging my head into the mirror below the statue. "Robyn?" She asked, walking up to me. "Yes, Fluttershee?" I replied, bonking my head into the mirror once again. "W-What're you doing?" Fluttershy asked. "Repeatedly bonking my head into the mirror," I answered, "Didn't I say that already in the exposition segment following the page break?" "But why are you doing it?" Fluttershy urged. "One of two reasons," I explained, "The Author couldn't decide which to use. I'm either desperately trying to go to ponyland for a sequel/spin-off story, or I'm trying to break the mirror. Either way, I'm hoping the spin-off story wins the 'longest title on FiMFic' award, for being called 'An Emo EQG OC goes to ponyland and makes fun of everything for a second goddamn time'." "Either way, you really should stop," Fluttershy warned, "You're going to give yourself a headache and a nasty bump if you keep doing it." "You're probably right," I nodded, stopping and resting my head on the mirror, "But you're a little late. I already have the bump." "Oh, I'm sorry," Fluttershy replied, "I have a band-aid and some anti-itch spray in my backpack if that'll help." She began searching through her bag to try and find the items in question. "Well, I really don't need them," I groaned, leaning upward only to get dizzy and fall on my ass. "Oh, are you okay, Robyn?" Fluttershy gasped, kneeling down to look at me at eye level. "I've been bonking my head against a mirror since school ended, and my ass just impacted on the concrete," I snapped, "Not to mention, my ass doesn't have much meat on it, and is pretty much bone with skin hanging off. So, no, I'm not okay." "I should call Nurse Redheart," Fluttershy stood up, and prepared to jog back to the school, but I grabbed her lower leg before she got the chance. "Relax, Fluttershy," I said, stopping her, "I only fell down and have a headache. Don't worry about it." To reinforce my words, I stood up, using the pink-haired girl for support, and got back on my feet. "See?" "But you still have that bump on your head," Fluttershy noted, and without warning, she sprayed the top on my head with anti-itch spray, and gently pressed the band-aid to the bump on my scalp. "Um...thanks?" I said, rubbing the area of my head where a band-aid now was. "You're very welcome," Fluttershy replied, nodding, "But it's no trouble. I like helping people who are hurt. That's partially why I work at the animal shelter." "Speaking of the animal shelter," I said, pointing away from the school, "We should get going." "Oh, you're right," Fluttershy agreed, checking her phone for the time before putting it back into her bag, "My shift starts soon." And, off we were like a herd of turtles! We walked in silence for a while (anyone else getting déjà vu from the last chapter?) before Fluttershy spoke up. "I've noticed you don't talk to anyone. And that you don't have any friends. I was surprised when Twilight told me you volunteered to help me. Do you like animals?" "Um...kinda?" I shrugged, "It depends on the animal. I know the Author has like...eight cats or something. She even trained one to climb her shoulder. But for me...meh. I don't like cats that much. They're either really touchy-feely or extremely hissy. There's a reason people use 'pussy' as an insult." "Do you have any pets, Robyn?" Fluttershy asked, causing me to stop in my tracks. "Not to my knowledge," I replied, gazing at the concrete, "The Author didn't think it was important enough to write me one." "Well, maybe I can help you find a pet," Fluttershy smiled, "I helped Rainbow Dash find her pet tortoise." "Maybe," I shrugged, starting to walk again, "I could always use some company at home. If the Author feels like writing me a house." "Really?" Fluttershy's smile turned into a grin and her eyes widened, "You'll actually let me help you find a pet?!" Whaddaya know, the girl was excited. "Sure, whatever." "Oh, thank you, Robyn!" Fluttershy reached her arms around me and hugged me tightly. "Ah, she's hugging me!" I squealed, "Why's she hugging me!?" The 'shy' one let go of me, "Oh, sorry, I got a little carried away." She touched her grin in embarrassment. "'A little'?" I groaned, stretching my compressed joints. "Sorry, I just am so happy when someone tells me they want me to help them find a pet," Fluttershy explained, looking at her feet and twiddling her thumbs, "I sometimes find it hard to contain my excitement." "Well, I suppose it could've been worse," I sighed, "You could've had the strength of Snowflake. I think if he hugged me I'd snap like a Kit-Kat." "Come on," Fluttershy grabbed my hand and started walking faster towards the animal shelter, "The sooner we get there, the sooner we can help you find a pet!" "Just don't sing a musical number about it!" I shouted, "They don't translate well to text!" When we reached the animal shelter, which only took us one-thousand, four hundred and ninety-five letters and fifty-three paragraphs to do, Fluttershy wasted no time introducing me to the various residents of the animals shelter. On a side note, have you ever noticed that the animal shelter is in the mall? Isn't that extremely impractical? I suppose it doesn't matter anyway, so let's move on. You know what the animal shelter looks like if you've watched the YouTube shorts, so I'm not going to bother detailing the interior, and just continue with the 'I'ma gonna get a pet' plotline. Almost immediately after we entered the shelter for animals, Fluttershy wasted no time pulling me towards the various locations where pets are. "Look at this little kitty," Fluttershy cooed, petting an orange tabby cat, "Isn't he cute?" "Too much fur," I groaned, crossing my arms, "The Author has enough cats. She doesn't need her fanfiction character to have them too." "Okay," Fluttershy gently put the kitten down and quickly skipped over to another part of the store, coming back with a fish in a bowl. "How about a beta fish? They don't have any fur and are easy to take care of." "You went through this same routine with Sunset Shimmer, Fluttershee," I rubbed my eyes, "If you take me to look at the lizards next, I'm going to take all the kittens in this store and turn them into handwear they rhyme with. Try something new." "Well, it would help if you had something in mind," Fluttershy's voice began to show agitation. And no one likes the agitated Fluttershy. "How about something...uncommon? Unique? That would make most people freak the hell out." I explained, looking around the shelter for something that might work. Fluttershy thought for a moment, and then perked back up, "Come with me, I think I have an idea for you!" She grabbed my hand, and pulled me over to an area labeled 'reptiles.' In front of me were several lizards. "Fluttershy...I told you no lizards." "Not the lizards, Robyn," Fluttershy chuckled, and I turned to see she was looking at something else, 'I'm looking at these." She pointed in front of her Can you guess what she was looking at...? Roll a perception check and add your wisdom bonus. If you rolled above eleven, you can continue reading. If not, you can click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU3Vn3xI-kA "Snakes..." I grunted, "Why'd it have to be snakes?" "Do you not want snakes either?" Fluttershy asked, her shoulders starting to droop. "Oh fine, I'll take a look at them," I walked up next to Fluttershy and stared at several slithering serpents. They were one snake, two snakes, red snakes, blue snakes! So many snakes! Wait a second... rewind eight words ago...red snakes? Red snakes are cool. "What's that red one?" "Oh, that's a Rosy Boa," Fluttershy explained, "They want to frequently escape their cages, so we leave them in their own pen. This one is a female. You have a good eye, Robyn. Rosy Boas are good snakes for beginners." "Well, this chapter just went past two thousand words, so I'll take her!" I shouted, pointing at the snake. Fluttershy's eyes lit up. "Wait...really?!" She gushed, her hands coming up to cup her face. "Sure," I replied, "This chapter's getting long, so we need to get rolling to the end segment. We don't want to bore the readers with pointless pet talk. So, yes, I'll take the Rosy Boa." "Oh, that's wonderful!" Fluttershy wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. "GAH! HUGGING AGAIN!" I shouted, likely loud enough to where anyone in the entire mall could hear me. Fluttershy let go of me and walked over to the counter. "I'm glad you're getting a pet, Robyn. They can really enrich your life." "So, how much is this gonna cost me?" I asked, leaning on the counter. "Well, the Boa costs forty dollars," Fluttershy began, ringing up the totals on the cash register, "And you don't need to buy a huge tank at the moment. A shoebox will work for a hatchling for now, and you should lay down substrate for her to move around in, such as newspaper or paper towel. You should also seal up any large holes in the shoebox because she'll try to escape. Also, I should warn you, they can get up to four feet in length, so you'll eventually want to buy a twenty-gallon snake tank, which is about sixty dollars. As far as food, the animal shelter will supply you with a free two weeks worth of food to get you started. Once she gets bigger, you can feed her bigger meals, mainly thawed frozen mice, though you'll only have to do it at most four times per season. While special lighting is not necessary, a heat source is. The best heat source is an under tank heat pad or tape on one side of the enclosure so the snake can thermoregulate. This also aids in digestion. Are you sure you want to buy her?" "That was a lot of exposition..." I gasped, my mouth agape, "But sure, I'll take her. Can her take her out of the shoebox?" I handed Fluttershy my debit card. "Of course," Fluttershy replied, swiping the card, "But keep her on you or around you. Don't let her escape. Think you can handle her?" "For the sake of our friendship, I sure as hell hope so." I took back my card and Fluttershy walked over to the tank, and carefully extracted the Boa. She put her into a small tank with tiny air holes, and handed her to me, along with a bag of food. "Here you go, Robyn," Fluttershy put her folded hands in front of her, "I'm glad you decided to get a pet." "Yeah, well...we needed a plotline," I replied, looking at the mistake purchase I just made. Seriously, was this necessary? "Have you thought of a name for her?" Fluttershy beamed. "Wait, I need to name her too?" I whined, "You honestly expect me to name her after I just bought her? Do you know how long it took the Author to come up with Robyn? Not to mention, it was originally spelled 'Robin' with an 'i' like the bird! Or the Boy Wonder!" "But if you don't think of a name for her, then you'll never get attached to her," Fluttershy warned. "A name, huh?" I rubbed my chin and thought for as long as it took the Author to get up, eat dinner, check the grammar on this chapter and count the number of paragraphs ago the last reference was, "I got it!" I shouted, finally thinking of something. "Suessette." Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. "Suessette?" "As in Dr. Suess," I explained, "Nineteen paragraphs ago I made a Dr. Suess reference before finding this snake. Therefore, from this point on, this snake shall be known as Suessette, and there's no one who can change my mind!" Fluttershy chuckled, "Well, I'm glad. Just be sure to take care of her and to clean her tank. Snakes don't require as much emotional attention as other animals, but they do require standard maintenance. If you want me to, I could always come over to your home and help you take care of her. And if all else fails, I can always petsit for you." She closed her eyes and grinned. Y'know, for someone who always claims to be shy, she's not all that shy. If anything, she's just really timid. Must be post-season four Fluttershy. "I might take you up on that offer, too," I replied, and turned to the exit of the shelter, "This chapter's pushing three thousand words, so I don't have much time to say bye." "Well, I understand if you need to leave," Fluttershy nodded, "I'm still just so happy you decided to get a pet." "It was required by the Author," I groaned, and walked out of the store. "Oh, Robyn!" Fluttershy called, jogging up to me, "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" "Wait, I have to deal with a weekend?" I stopped, turning to face the pink-haired girl, "Why? What's the point of that? I was hoping we'd just skip directly to Monday, not cover two separate days! Do you know how long of a chapter that'll be?! Grr..." I stomped away, leaving Fluttershy there. "The Author better write me a fucking house!" "Um...bye," I heard Fluttershy mumble behind me. I was busy grunting and groaning as I stomped away to care. Do I have to deal with a weekend next chapter? Nothing interesting happens during a weekend! And I can't just sit around playing video games and watching anime! I have to actually do something. Dammit...but as I walked away from the mall, and into the night outside, I had one final question. What was I supposed to help Fluttershy with at the animal shelter again?