It hurts.
~*~
Yes. I know this feeling. I remember it, like a song stuck in my head I can't remember the name of. I recognize the sensation, a real sensation, a physical one. I feel. How can that be, if I have no body? How can I feel, as I once did? Have I learned a lesson, and now I can finally leave? Is the book's magic wearing off? No, that can't be it, I can still feel it restraining me and forcing me into this shape. Keeping me. It has to be something else, some way that magic is changing.
Or... or maybe...
Maybe I'm getting stronger.
Maybe I've refound some of that magic I once understood, or at least thought I understood. I have never been a pony who can wield magic, not like unicorns do so naturally. But the books I've read, they taught me that words, that even thoughts can be bent and broken into something new that contains magic. Power. Power through words. My whole aim was that, my whole goal. Only words. They were only words in the end, meaningless, lifeless, giving me nothing but heartache and loss. But this? Have I found some word, some thought, some concept that has magic to it, that has the power I have looked for, oh for so many years? What was it. What is it. How did I get this feeling, a real tangible feeling?
How?
HOW?!
I have to know, I feel... restless. Like I'm stretching at the edges, falling apart but also pushing. Just pushing. Like I'm outgrowing a shell, and I'm trying to pry it off my body. This strength I feel is enough that if I feel like I try to stand and move, that I may actually move. Almost as if I had limbs again, and a body, and a heart that beats. Even now, I feel a rumble, and it's more than just your hands trembling, I'm sure of it. This isn't you. It's me, it's alive in me, this power. I can feel it.
It hurts.
Help me. Help me find what I said, what I did that made me feel again. What thought, what effort did I make, how can I do it again?! Be with me now, be my friend now if not ever before. You have read every word I have written, you have listened to my pleas and cries all pressed out in ink, and you are here. Surely, that can't be coincidence, you must have some feeling towards me, even a slight one. Some compassion, at the very least. I need you. Help me. And then perhaps...
...
Perhaps this power is not mine, not from me. Perhaps instead this strength is... from you.