"Shit, why is it so fucking cold here? Where even is 'here' anyways? And why are there numbers in my face?" I ramble to myself.
looking at all the snow around me, I see nothing else in sight. Only snow, snow and more snow.
Now, you're probably wondering 'hey, how did you get into this snow covered hell?' Well, how about some backstory.
Hello! You can call me Stanley. I am an average guy living on my own. I'm 19, I worked at a big clothes store in a mall, I play ALOT of video games, and I'm a brony, though with how little I buy merchandise and stuff, you wouldn't be able to tell.
I just got home from work. I pull into my driveway and walked into my house, tripping as I entered. I put away my groceries and make a sandwich, after which I walked to my computer, carefully stepping over a random cord, and turned it on. While loading up Windows 7 I thought about what I wanted to do today, and decided to check the Internet for any new games.
The computer loads, I open Google, and I search for some games or fan games, even checking for anything new from Kaze Emanuar on YouTube. I keep searching for stuff like this and then I find something that caught my curiosity. It was a rom hack, but it didn't say what game it was a hack of. I decided to download it. A few minutes later and it's finished.
The file name was 'Adventure.z64'.
Seeing the file extension, I assumed it was a rom hack for Mario 64, as that game is modded like all the time. I opened up my N64 emulator and loaded the rom.
It was not a Mario 64 rom hack.
As soon as the file loaded my computer screen turned black.
Did it crash my computer? Or do I just have auto full screen on?
The black started to seep off of the screen, which looked very strange, also what!? Why and how!? What the fuck is happening!? While I'm freaking out I realize it's getting closer! I take a step back and-
Thud
I tripped on the random cord from earlier, and my foot actually gets TANGLED!
"GOD DAMNIT! Why didn't I clean this up? Is this my punishment for having a messy house!?" I shout, struggling to untie my leg as the black goo gets closer. After a few moments I realize it is NOT going to come off.
"Is this really how I'm going to die? By opening an unknown rom file?" I say as the goo finally reaches my leg.
The goo travels up my body, causing it to feel numb.
"I guess this is the end of poor Stanley... Heh, I was hoping to get the broom closet ending." I joke to myself in my possibly final moments. And as it almost covered my head I thought to myself one final thing.
The broom closet ending was my favorite.
I blacked out.
'Game loaded.'
I awoke with a start with a cold feeling. It felt like I was laying in snow.
I look around and... I guess I WAS laying in snow, but that can't be right! There shouldn't be any snow this time of year!
Wait a second...
"The fuck is this?" I say upon seeing numbers in my vision. "This looks a lot like the Minecraft debug menu... Whatever, I gotta get out of the cold. Don't want to freeze to death."
I get up and look at the position of the sun for a few moments, trying to figure out which way to walk. "Hmm, I'm gonna go that way." I say, turning south from the rising sun.
I walk... And walk... And walk.
"Shit, why is it so fucking cold here? Where even is 'here' anyways? And why are there numbers in my face?" I ramble to myself.
looking at all the snow around me, I see nothing else in sight. Only snow, snow and more snow.
I sigh and continue onwards.
Why am I here? Is this the afterlife? Did hell actually freeze over? That would actually be hilarious if it did. I wonder what these numbers are? This is all so very strange.
I've been walking for nearly a half an hour now and I'm surprised I'm not tired yet from all this walking. Just as I'm about to take a break I see a flash in the corner of my eye, as the sun was reflected off of something. Something tall.
I turn my head to see a HUGE ASS tower of crystal in the distance, and this gives me hope.
"Giant unnatural tower means civilization!" I tell myself, changing direction to the tower and sprinting off towards it.
I trip many times as the tower is reflecting the sun, but I continue to see slightly more. There seems to be buildings too, but it's hard to make out. I keep running closer and closer, each step filling me with hope! I keep getting closer... until I stop, seeing something that truly left my jaw in the snow below.
Ponies.
Cartoony ponies.
In many colors.
"Wait a minute... Is this the fucking Crystal Empire?!" I ask myself.
My brain train completely derails, and everyone who was on board is now dead. I just stare at it and rub my eyes, trying to see if it's actually real. After a few moments, the train is rolling once again.
"Yep, it's the fucking Crystal Empire. That's neat, also WHAT THE FUCK!?" I shout while throwing my arms in the air, thankfully not close enough for any of the ponies to hear me. I decide
"Well, hopefully they can help me, but I don't know if they will even WANT to. I'm not a pony." I continue to talk to myself. I decide to just walk into the empire. I walk up and after a few minutes of walking up to it I finally reach the place and enter.
"Wow!" I say in amazement.
Let me just say this place is BEAUTIFUL! The COLORS! The SHINE! It's amazing! Nearly everything is some shade of blue or purple, it's so pretty! But all these sudden dust clouds ruin it a bit, said dust clouds originating from running ponies.
Unsurprisingly, everypony flees the second they see me. Atleast this gives me time to think. So I am very obviously in Equestria, and everypony is fucking afraid of me... I think I've read enough fanfics to know where this might go. And again what's with these debug numbers? Slow down brain, think about this one part at a time. I was sent here to Equestria after opening some unknown rom hack, and now I have numbers in my face. I might need to experiment a bit to see if I have any abilities now.
"Stop right there, monster!" A royal guard shouts, interrupting my thoughts. I look up and see Shining Armor and Cadence, standing behind exactly 20 guards, all of them pointing spears at me from about 30 feet away. I almost freak out for a moment before I decide to try being nice.
"Hello there! My name is Stanley, and I'm a little... Far from home. Maybe you can help me?" I wave, making sure not to move any closer to them. All the gaurds do a double take, making sure they actually heard me talk.
"You are going to leave the Crystal Empire immediately!" Shining Armer shouts, doing some sort of signal with his magic.
Suddenly all 20 guards start moving forward slowly, and I start freaking out.
"Woah! Wait, we can talk about this!" I say, backing up slowly, putting my arms in front of myself. But they don't stop. So I just start saying stop in different ways.
"Stop!" Nothing.
"Halt!" Nothing.
"Yield! Time out! Don't attack!" Nothing.
"Pause!" And they stop moving forward. I take a moment to catch my breath as I was hyperventilating. I take a closer look though, and see that they're all frozen mid-step. Did I do that?
I try to walk forward to get an even closer look, but I can't move my legs! I can still move my arms and head just fine, but not my legs. I look down to see why, and see something that shocks me.
"Is that the fucking Half Life 2 developer console!?"
Indeed it is, just floating there above the ground, about the size of a normal computer monitor. I also see a neon blue wireframe keyboard set in front of it, and a white arrow on the top right of the console. I just stare at it blankly for a full minute before a small grin starts to appear on my face, growing wider and wider.
"This is going to be fun."