//------------------------------//
// Chrysalis can't believe she wrote this 
// Story: Maud and Chrysalis Do Stand-Up 
// by SoloBrony 
//------------------------------//

The curtain rose. Maud and Chrysalis were seated across from each other on red lounge chairs, with Maud having a notebook and pen, a suit, a completely unnecessary pair of reading glasses perched on her muzzle, and a hat with a card saying "Press". Chrysalis had no such accoutrements, but simply folded herself up in her chair in a relaxed yet imperious pose.

Maud glanced up from her notebook at Chrysalis with her typical semi-bored expression. "Miss... Chrysalis, right?"

Chrysalis looked offended, holding a hoof up to herself haughtily. "Queen Chrysalis, not 'miss'."

"You no longer have a hive. You aren't the queen of anything."

Snickers went up from the ponies watching.

Chrysalis sniffed disgustedly, as though the pony before her stank. "That does not change my regality."

"This is the stand-up night, Chrysalis. If you want to be called 'queen' without a nation, the drag show is tomorrow evening."

That got both laughter and a few whistles from the ponies, one of whom loudly shouted 'YEAH!', for reasons unknown.

Chrysalis' eyes widened and she leaned forward, lifting a hoof as though to speak conspiratorially, though her voice was quite audible across the venue. "Maud! You said you wouldn't break the fourth wall!"

Maud continued staring at Chrysalis impassively. "And you said you were a Princess of Equestria. It is a vicious and deceptive world we live in."

Chrysalis buried her head in her hooves. "Why did I agree to have you as part of my act again?"

"Because this act can't help but rock with me here."

That one got both laughs and groans out of the audience.

Chrysalis groaned. "Puns? Are you trying to ruin me? I thought ponies were nice!"

"Tell that to Sombra."

"Who?"

"Exactly."

Some chuckles went through the crowd, though the almost psychotic laughter of a PTSD-triggered crystal pony in the back of the room stood out.

Chrysalis sighed. "I think we've gotten off the rails, here."

"Yes, Equestria is good at derailing the plans of villains."

Chrysalis looked wounded. "But I'm not a villain anymore!"

"Exactly."

Laughter rang out through the crowd again, though one pony loudly informed everyone present that reformed changelings look stupid.

"Maud, wasn't this supposed to be an interview?"

"You tell me. You wrote the routine."

Chrysalis frantically waved her hooves. "Don't get into meta-humor! It'll just confuse the audience!"

"I didn't say you did a good job at it."

Chrysalis slumped in her chair while a series of confused-sounding murmurs and a few chuckles passed around the room. A familiar princess' voice announced that she got the joke.

"Just get on with the questions, Maud."

"Fine. 'Queen' Chrysalis, is it true you are now dating Starlight Glimmer?"

Chrysalis looked abashed. "Umm... yes."

"And does Miss Glimmer know you still harbor feelings for Prince Shining Armor?"

Chrysalis recoiled in horror. "What?! What makes you think I have feelings for him?"

"You've been seen attending public events with him, going into and out of his bedchambers, and rumor has it you even have a baby with him."

Confused murmurs went about the room, cut short by somepony yelling 'I KNEW IT!'

Chrysalis blinked slowly. "Are... you talking about Princess Cadance?"

"Yes, your better-known alias."

Laughter went up from the room.

"Alias?! Princess Cadance and I are not the same person!"

"A likely story."

Chrysalis pointed at a snickering Princess Cadance, sitting in the front row. "She's literally right there!"

"Now who's breaking the fourth wall? The answer is you. You are."

Pinkie Pie's voice could faintly be heard objecting that Chrysalis hadn't really broken the fourth wall over the snickers of the ponies.

Chrysalis' eye twitched a few times. "Are there any questions that don't involved wild conspiracy theories?"

"Yes. How long until your current plan to conquer Equestria comes to fruition? Ponies in Ponyville like to schedule their panicked stampedes."

'It's true!' cried out a silver-maned bespectacled mare.

"I'm not planning to conquer Equestria! And I thought we were off of conspiracy theories!"

"You said questions not pertaining to wild conspiracy theories. Most reasonable ponies probably expect you to try at least one more time."

"Oh COME ON! Why are you even letting me roam freely then?"

"It's not like anypony expects you to succeed. That would be even more far-fetched than you being Cadance."

"Hey! I could take over Equestria if I wanted to!"

"You and what army?"

"My army of... oh. Right."

Amidst the laughter, one reformed changeling near the back was waving frantically, yelling 'hey, I'll still follow you!'

"Don't worry, Chrysalis. We'll probably forgive you after your inevitable betrayal; Discord even got away with it twice."

Chrysalis rubbed at her forehead with a hoof while ponies jeered and laughed. Discord folded his arms in the front row, grumbling about how one of those was before he was reformed.

"Why do you ponies get betrayed so often?!"

"It may be because we forgive those who betray us so much."

"But... if you know it's because you forgive those who betray you... why do you..."

Chrysalis eyes bulged more and more as she tried to wrap her head around the situation. Finally she just threw her hooves up in frustration.

"You know what? You ponies are all crazy. And don't talk bad about Discord; I owe him for getting me and Starlight together."

"That brings me to my next question. Will you refrain from using time magic in your inevitable villainous teamup with Starlight and Discord? Ponies are still trying to understand what they're supposed to be mad at Starlight Glimmer for."

Chrysalis glared at Maud for a few, tense seconds before responding. "No promises; we're letting Discord handle planning it, and he's crazy, so."

Nervous chuckles went up from the crowd, except from Discord, who was literally beside himself; both of them were laughing uproariously. 'Me, planning. Really.'

Maud just nodded, jotting a few things down in her notebook. "Last question. If you could have a cutie mark, what would it be?"

Chrysalis, who had started cringing when she heard another question was coming, froze. "Wait, that's it?"

"Answer the question, please."

"But all of your other questions were super weird. This just seems so mundane."

"Are you saying you don't know?"

"No, I... uhh... I guess it would be a cutie mark for magic. I've studied it extensively, and—"

"So your plot to take over Equestria and openly claim Shining Armor involves stealing Twilight's cutie-mark. That explains Starlight's role. Thank you."

Chrysalis leapt to her hooves. "THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!"

Laughter rang out as the curtain fell. It raised shortly after, and both Chrysalis and Maud took a bow, waving to the ponies.

Near the back of the room, Marble nuzzled into Minuette and murmured, "That was funny, but a little morbid, wasn't it?"

Minuette shrugged with a grin. "What would you expect from a comedy set by Chrysalis?"