//------------------------------// // Madness in the Classroom // Story: The Insane Art Teacher // by Ironskull //------------------------------// "Behold, my classroom!" declared Discord as he reached for the door handle and pulled the door open. As he stepped aside to let Twilight pass, she eagerly stepped forward to see what strange things this Discord had filled his room with. The room inside was larger than she was expecting. Paintings lined all four of the walls. The students' desks were completely disorganized, seemingly bunched together into groups at random and not following any sort grid pattern at all. The front of the room actually had a stage, which still had props from what was likely a play or a skit about trains. Discord's desk was in the far corner of the room, and was shaped like a horse shoe. There were multiple rectangular objects standing up from the desk, and they were glowing on one side, but Twilight had no idea what they were. Behind his desk was a small square shaped closet. There was also a strange and sizable metal tube of unknown purpose on a table fixture in the middle of the room. Twilight hesitated. "I was expecting it to be a little more... chaotic." Suddenly, Discord gave Twilight a surprised look and stared at her. "Did you say... chaotic?" he asked in a playful tone. "Um, yes?" "Hmm... What an extraordinary coincidence!" "Why?" asked Twilight. "Oh... never you mind that." Twilight stepped into the room and was followed by Discord. "Hey Mister D!" cried a familiar voice. Twilight turned and saw that a human version of Rainbow Dash was lounging on a green and red plaid couch on the wall with the doorway. She had not seen her at first because the couch was out of view from the door. Rainbow was laying on her back and had apparently been looking at a rectangular object in her hands with a glowing front, much like the bigger ones on Discord's desk. She had pushed her head back into the arm rest in order to look at them and was watching them with her head upside-down. "Who's the new girl?" Rainbow asked. Actually, Twilight noticed that there was another girl on a yellow and purple polka-dotted couch next to the first one, although she was sitting on it the normal way. It was Fluttershy, and she had the same bunny, kitten, and bird from when Twilight first met her loose in the room. Twilight followed Fluttershy's example and let Spike out of her bag. He stretched on the floor, grateful to be out of his confinement. "This is Twilight," said Discord. "She's new here, but they haven't quite got her schedule worked out yet, so until then, she's going to be my student aide." "Really?" asked Rainbow in surprise. "Aw man, I wish I had thought of that. An excuse to hang out here all the time would be sweet!" "You really like Discord's classes that much?" asked Twilight in surprise. "Pssssh, of course! Everyone does!" I guess this Discord isn't as much like the other one as I thought, thought Twilight to herself. In Equestria, Discord is merely tolerated, but it seems that here, Discord is actually... popular! "Hey, Mister Discord," said Fluttershy. "Why are you carrying two copies of the fall formal crown?" "Sunset made a copy of it and we can't figure out which one is which. I'm keeping them safe until we can figure out which one is the real one. Speaking of which, I have to get changed." "Righto," said Rainbow Dash. Discord walked over toward his desk, and then opened the door to his closet and stepped inside. Twilight looked around the room and decided to walk over to Fluttershy. "Mind if I sit next to you?" she asked. "Of course not." "Huh," said Rainbow Dash as Twilight sat down. "You're not usually so friendly with new people Flutters. Have you met before?" "She's the one who stood up to Sunset Shimmer for me," Fluttershy responded. Rainbow sat up and looked at Twilight. "Really?" she asked with interest. "That takes some guts. I respect that." "What are you two doing in Discord's Classroom?" asked Twilight. Suddenly, she gasped. "Rainbow Dash, you arn't skipping, are you?" Rainbow looked back in confusion. "How did you know my name is Rainbow Dash?" Twilight blinked, realizing her mistake, but quickly came up with a way to cover it up. "Well, I may be new here, but come on, who here hasn't heard of Rainbow Dash?" Rainbow suddenly beamed. "That's true. Who hasn't heard of me? I'm awesome! And I'm the captain of the soccer team. And also the fastest runner on the track team!" "Right. So, are you skipping?" asked Twilight again. "No," said Rainbow as she laid back down and started messing with her rectangle device again. "Fluttershy and I are lab partners in chemistry and we finished our experiment early. Miss Zecora let us leave after that." "Oh," said Twilight, surprised to learn of yet another doppelganger. "Wait, you're not skipping?" asked Discord, opening the closet door and walking out. When Twilight saw what he was wearing, she stared at him open mouthed, despite the fact that his attire was actually much more normal than what he had been wearing before. "No, we're not," said Rainbow without looking at him. "You never asked." "I never asked because if I did, and then if you said you were skipping, I would have to make you leave." "What in the world are you wearing?" asked Twilight. "Seriously? You're asking Mister D that question? Mister D doesn't need a reason to wear anything, he just does. Sometimes it makes this other girl in the class named Rarity throw a fit." Rainbow put her rectangle away and sat up again to get a look at Discord, and then she burst out laughing. "Good one, Mister D!" Discord was dressed up in blue jeans and a simple long sleeve shirt and a a triangular hat with a bob on the end, but the hat and the shirt were both white with horizontal red stripes. "I don't get it," admitted Twilight. "Seriously?" asked Rainbow Dash. "You don't know?" "No, I have no idea why he would dress up like that, or what it has to do with putting the fall formal crowns in a safe place." "Well, you see," said Discord, "I have to put them in a place where nobody sees me do it, and everyone knows that if you dress up like this, nobody will ever find you so long as you stay in a crowd. The bell will ring any second now, and when it does, I'll just step into the crowd and nobody will see me when I hide the crowns." "Um, in that outfit?" said Twilight doubtfully. "I'm pretty sure that it will draw attention to you." "You'd think that, but it's strangely true." Suddenly, the school bell rang. "Thar she blows!" cried Discord. "Rainbow, time me!" "Gotcha!" cried Rainbow, getting to her feet. "Hold on..." she said, still messing with her rectangle. A stream of students stared to walk past the window in the doorway. "Hold on... Go!" Discord raced toward the door and flung it open. Twilight scrambled right after him, unable to bear the curiosity of whether or not Discord's strange outfit would function as advertised. Twilight looked down the hallway and saw no sign of Discord. She quickly looked in the other direction, but failed to spot him. "What?" she cried out in confusion. "He actually disappeared! He should be easy to see, he is taller than everyone else in this whole school! How in the name of harmony?" "Doesn't surprise me," said Rainbow Dash. "It's not like this is the first time that he's done something like that." "What do you mean?" asked Twilight urgently. She approached Rainbow. "Does Discord have magical powers?" "Don't be ridiculous, of course not. He just has this weird ability to pop up out of nowhere when you would swear that he wasn't anywhere near you a second ago. Makes sense that he can disappear when he wants to as well." "I have to go to my next class," said Fluttershy, walking past them. "See you later, Flutters," said Rainbow. Fluttershy left the classroom, leaving Twilight and Rainbow Dash alone. "Don't you have to go to your next class too?" asked Twilight. "Nope! I'm already here! This is my next class!" "Oh. Well, that's convenient." "And awesome!" The pair stayed quiet for after that, neither one of them having anything to say. Without warning, the door opened again and Discord came running through, unexpectedly carrying a pail of water and a mop, before skidding to a stop. A black streak was left on the tile floor from his brown boot as a result. "Time!" cried Rainbow. "So, what was it?" "Two minutes and thirteen point forty-seven seconds!" "Ha! That's exactly four thirds of my record! Haha!" "Why did you come back with a bucket of water and a mop?" asked Twilight. Rainbow Dash let out a snort. "I know why!" she declared happily. "Why?" "Just wait, it'll be great!" "Let's just say that I'm going to need it for today's class," said Discord cryptically. "Are you going to let the class paint the floor?" asked Twilight. "Nah, we already did that," said Rainbow Dash. Suddenly the door opened again and a person that Twilight would swear was Roseluck entered the room. "The students are starting to arrive," said Discord. "Twilight, why don't you sit... um, here let me just move this..." He walked over to one of the couches and started dragging it across the floor. Twilight quickly ran over to help him, only to find that Rainbow Dash had had the same idea. "Here," said Rainbow. "You take that corner and I'll take this one." "Thank you," said Discord as they lifted all of the legs of the couch off the floor at once. "Over here, if you please." Discord walked them over to a spot next to his desk, where he set the couch back down, and Twilight and Rainbow followed his lead. "You want me to sit here?" asked Twilight in confusion. "Well, you are my student aide, are you not?" "I suppose so." Twilight sat down and watched as the students continued to fill the room and take their seats. Soon, she was surprised to see a girl who was a match for Rarity come through the door before remembering that Rainbow Dash had mentioned that they had this class together. Twilight noticed that Rainbow Dash had taken a seat at the front of the classroom while Rarity had taken a seat in the back. Worried about the implications, she stood up from her spot on the couch and approached Rainbow Dash. "Arn't you and Rarity friends?" she asked. "Why are you sitting so far apart?" "Huh?" asked Rainbow in confusion. "Oh, yeah, she's cool. She just isn't as enthusiastic about this class as I am." "Oh. Sorry to bother you." Twilight returned to her spot just as the bell rang once again. The students started looking around in slight confusion. "Where is Mister Discord?" asked an extremely muscular young man that Twilight was absolutely certain was named Bulk Biceps. "I'm right here!" cried Discord's voice, and he stepped out of his closet once again, now wearing his 'normal' clothes again. Twilight's jaw dropped. I never even realized he had gone back in there! she thought. Did Discord actually disappear again because there were too many students in the room while he was wearing that strange outfit? She refused to believe that the outfit had any magical properties. Magic wasn't supposed to exist in this world. It had to be some sort of trick that Discord knew. The question was, was Discord magical? Or was it merely a sleight of hand? Unfortunately, there were no answers to be had at this time. She decided to worry about it later and wait to see what Discord would do. He walked up to his desk and lazily picked up a piece of paper. "Alright, so is anybody not here?" he called out. "Daisy is home sick!" called Roseluck. Discord picked up a pencil and made a mark on the paper. "Anyone else?" There was a period of silence as the class looked around the room, looking for other missing classmates. "I guess not." "Wait, that's how you call roll?" asked Twilight. "Why not?" asked Discord. "If someone is missing, someone would tell me. Class, this is Twilight. She's going to be my student aide for a little while." "Like you need one!" cried Rainbow Dash. "Alright, now that roll is called, let's get on with today's activity." He walked behind his desk and opened up a sideways door on a box sitting underneath it. Twilight could see this and realized that it was a small refrigerator. He pulled out a gallon jug of milk and set it on his desk in view of the class. "Have you ever seen a person down an entire gallon of milk in one go?" he asked eagerly. "It can get rather messy. You see, you're stomach actually expands to make room for it all. Sure, some people can hold it in for a little while. Most people can actually manage to keep half a gallon down if they haven't had anything to eat or drink in a while. A few can even manage three quarters. But once you get a whole gallon in you, it's just a matter of time before it comes shooting out of both your mouth and your nose! You won't believe how fast a human can expel liquid from their body until you've seen this! Any takers?" Twilight stared at Discord in complete and utter horror. A student raised their hand and stood up. "The great and powerful Trixie accepts your challenge!" she cried out. "Maybe nobody else has managed a whole gallon yet, but Trixie will be the first!" "I wouldn't count on that!" said Discord with a grin. "But by all means, feel free to show us all. Here, come and get it." "This isn't a lesson!" blurted Twilight. "This is madness!" Discord hesitated, and then shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much." "Didn't you know that he was like this before you signed up to be his aide?" asked Rainbow Dash. "No! No, I did not!" "Perhaps you should just do what I do when the class gets up to some of the more... outlandish things we do," called Rarity from the back. "Just pull out your phone and ignore it." Twilight didn't know what Rarity was talking about, but she knew that there was no way that she could ignore what was about to happen. Trixie approached Discords desk with a smirk and snatched the jug. "Watch in awe!" she cried out. "As the great and powerful Trixie chugs a whole gallon of milk!" She raised the jug to her mouth. "Those of you close to her, I would get away!" called Discord. The students who were close to her quickly grabbed their desks and scooted them far away from Trixie with much squeaking. Trixie kept on drinking the jug, and Twilight could only watch in horror. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash started chanting "Chug, chug, chug!" Much of the rest of the class joined in. "You people are crazy!" Twilight said half-heartedly, but her voice was entirely drowned out. Soon enough, the jug was entirely empty. Trixie set the empty jug back on the desk and started to bow to the class, but them abruptly stopped. "Trixie thinks that perhaps bowing would not be a good idea. I'm afraid that I might throw up. Also, Trixie did not realize how heavy her stomach would feel." "Wow," said Rainbow Dash. "I didn't think you would actually finish it." "Trixie always finishes what she starts," Trixie answered. "Actually, Trixie doesn't see why this was supposed to be hard. She could stay like this all-" Before Twilight could react, Trixie suddenly and rapidly lurched forward and milk was ejected from her face. Twilight quickly brought an arm up to cover her eyes, but could not forget the brief moment that she had seen. "Ooooooh!" cried out much of the class. "Trixie is okay!" Twilight heard from the floor. "Oourughhh..." "I have another one!" cried Discord, producing another jug. "Does somebody else want to give it a go while I mop up Trixie's mess?" "I call it!" cried Rainbow, standing up and running forward. "What?!" cried Twilight in astonishment. "Why would you do that? You know what's going to happen, you just saw what happened to Trixie!" "Yeah, it was awesome!" "You're insane!" Rainbow Dash shrugged and grabbed the jug. "I can't watch!" cried Twilight, standing up and running to the back of the room. Twilight ran behind Rarity's desk and stared straight at the wall. Although she didn't dare watch again, she couldn't help but listen to the sound of Rainbow hurling and the reactions of her classmates. When she was sure that the worst of it was over, she ran back to Discord, who was now mopping up Rainbow's mess. "This is completely insane!" she cried. "Why does Principal Celestia even let you teach here? Don't you ever do anything productive?" "Of course we do," said Discord. "Have you not noticed that the walls are lined with student artwork?" "And that's it?" demanded Twilight. "Well, no, we do other stuff." "Like what?" "Um... er, I guess now is not the time to mention the time we tried eating spoonfuls of pure cinnamon?" "No, it's not! What about that weird tube thing over there?" asked Twilight, pointing at the object in question in the middle of the room. "What is that thing? Is it a piece of abstract statuary?" "Ah, that thing!" cried Discord happily. "Say, class, what do you say? Want to fire it up again?" There was a great cheer of approval from the class. "It's a machine?" asked Twilight, surprised. "What does it do?" "That, my dear Twilight, is a Rubens' tube. Not to be confused with a Rubik's cube. Although, if your name is Ruben, then it becomes a you-tube and you can watch videos with it." Much of the class started laughing. "What?" said Twilight helplessly. "Just a little joke. In all seriousness, it's a device that shows the hidden artwork in the very nature of the world itself." "I don't understand." "Allow me to demonstrate. I just need to get my gas pump. Rainbow Dash, would you please go to one of the science rooms and ask for a couple dozen protective goggles?" "Sure thing Mister D!" Rainbow Dash stood up and dashed out the door. Twilight watched as Discord produced a strange machine from behind his desk and attached a hose from it to the tube. Discord spent some time fiddling around with the machine and checking that the hose. Once he was satisfied, he went behind his desk again and grabbed a black box from it's surface, but not one of the glowing ones. He set it right up against the other end of the tube. Rainbow Dash came back into the room at this point, carrying a box full of goggles and already wearing a pair. "Got the goggles!" she cried out. "Good, everyone put a pair on. The last thing I want is for you to burn your eyes out." Twilight was startled to learn that whatever was going on was potentially dangerous, but at least Discord had enough presence of mind to maintain basic safety procedures. She got up and followed the other students to grab a pair of goggles. Once she had acquired and adorned a pair, she returned to the tube, where all the students had gathered to watch what was about to unfold. "Looks like everyone is ready," Discord declared. He turned a valve on the gas pump, and then suddenly produced a large matchbox. He opened it up and struck one along the side of the box, lighting it aflame. He ran the burning match over the holes in the tube, which were all releasing gas, and therefore immediately caught fire. Within seconds, there was a row of dozens of small flames burning along the top of the tube. Discord then did something to the box, and it started playing music. Twilight gasped in astonishment as the flames immediately reacted. She had never seen such a thing before, but she easily identified the sine wave pattern that the flames adopted as the sound resonated through the tube. Even more astonishing, the flames bounced up and down as a reaction to the changing pitch of the sound of the music. It looked for all the world like the flames were dancing, and they weren't even alive or being manipulated by magic. She looked over to Discord, who was looking back at her expectantly. Actually, she realized that the entire class was. "This is unbelievable!" she said in reverence. "Did you come up with this?" Discord laughed. "Oh no, of course not. Mister Ruben did. All I have done is spread the wonder of this little gadget." "I don't understand, is this an art class or is it a science class?" "Twilight, if you stick with me, you'll learn that there is art to be found in everything. Literally everything. You just have to know the right tricks. "Now!" he called out loudly, addressing the entire class. "Who wants to plug in the microphone and see how the flames react to someone singing?" Twilight was the first one to volunteer.