Magic on Sweet Apple Acres

by Blade Star


Chapter 7 - Lazarus

A wise woman once said; ‘Time Travel. Since my first day on the job as a Starfleet captain, I swore I’d never let myself get caught in one of those godforsaken paradoxes. The future is the past, the past is the future; it all gives me a headache’.

Personally, I’m inclined to agree with Kathryn Janeway. Time travel is something used by only geniuses and idiots. One slight misstep and you may find yourself undoing all of reality. I actually almost did at one point. It wasn’t my fault you understand. I’ve no more idea how time travel works than the next stallion. But through circumstances beyond my control, I found myself stuck in the past. Like an idiot, I intentionally caused a paradox by hurling a certain changeling queen off of a balcony before her time. In turn, the timeline that spawned from what should have happened never took place. I consequently never developed such a hatred of the changeling species, and never found myself in the situation in the first place. Thus, as a result, I could never go back in time to set the whole chain of events in motion.

Confused yet? I can tell you I was, and i lived through it! If it hadn’t been for Discord stepping in to help sort out the various timelines' ‘hissy fit’ as he put it, I’m not sure what would have happened.

Now, there is, of course, magic allowing for time travel. It is without a doubt one of the most difficult and dangerous spells in existence. And the risks of misuse are just one of the many reasons Celestia had Starswirl’s spell, which only allowed for a maximum of seven days travel into the past, and only for a few brief moments, banned and locked away in Canterlot’s archives.

Of course, that didn’t stop one very stupid, psychotic, equality obsessed unicorn from stealing it and trying to use it to get revenge on Twilight and nearly destroy the totality of existence. As if the risks of such spells weren’t clear enough.

In any case, it is something well beyond my capabilities. Even Starlight or Twilight would need the actual spell itself to actually achieve it. Heck, I’m not even sure Celestia could do it unaided. Even Discord might be pushing his magic to its most extreme limit. Still, that does not mean it isn’t interesting. As perplexing as the above paradox was, I’d personally love to know what would happen, and if there was a way to avoid it. I’d never even dream of using such a spell, not even in the most dire of circumstances for reasons I’ve already stated. But from a theoretical standpoint, time travel magic is a fascinating subject.

It’s also something that hasn’t really been written about much. Given how restricted the spell is (I only know about it due to my fandom knowledge) there isn’t exactly much in the way of research papers or essays to be found. Even the irrepressible Twilight Sparkle herself has shied away from looking too deeply into it.

So, I had myself a void in the academic world. And by Celestia, voids were meant to be filled! While it was not magic per se, it did represent a great research opportunity. Of course, there was one minor issue; I knew very little about time travel. Okay, I might know a bit more than some, but most of what you just read was drawn from science fiction, not science fact. I have no idea what happens during a paradox, and I certainly don’t fancy running an experiment.

But in Ponyville, there is one pony who might be able to help me out and give me some pointers. The only pony to my knowledge who has two hearts and an IQ well into four figures. The only pony with his own functional time machine. The only pony who could call himself Time Lord. Time Turner, as he calls himself now, while keeping the facade of a clock repair pony, is still that mad, slightly dangerous genius in a blue box and knows more about time travel than anyone.

Well, okay that’s not entirely true. If memory serves actually, he only just graduated from the academy with 51% on his second attempt, and then stole his current time machine from the museum where it was on display. But on the other hoof, all the other being that know anything about time travel either try to kill you, imprison you, or both.

So, with my new research idea in mind, and an alarm clock that needed a spring replacing, I made my way from the farm to Ponyville, and before long, I found myself at Time Turner’s shop.


Trotting up to the store front, I found it pretty quiet. I chuckled to myself as I walked up, I hadn’t been here in an age. In fact, the last time I’d come here, I’d found Time Turner up a corner staring down a Weeping Pegasus; essentially one of those Angel monsters that had somehow followed Time Turner into this world, and consequently been ponified just as he had when he regenerated (apparently, crossing universes is a bit rough). Hopefully I wouldn’t find myself in quite so precarious position as I did on that occasion.

The visit would also give me a chance to look over his TARDIS again. I’m sorry, but I will never get tired of examining her. It is the single most incredible piece of engineering, programing, and something I honestly can’t quite describe, that I’ve ever seen.

But i wasn’t here to see the TARDIS, I was here to see Time Turner. And to be fair, I also did actually need my alarm clock repaired. I don’t know about you, but getting up a half five in the morning isn’t easy without a bit of encouragement.

Pushing open the door, my ears were quickly assaulted by a very loud, and somewhat unpleasant noise. The sound of a TARDIS taking off. Or at least, one trying to take off with the brakes still on; that’s what that noise is you know, she isn’t meant to make such a racket. Why in Equestria would Time Turner be taking off anywhere though? The TARDIS, as far as I was aware, was caught in an atron tractor beam; something to do with how time travel magic and the TARDIS interact. If let go, the poor thing goes careering through time all over the shop.

“Time Turner?” I called out, doing my best to make myself heard over the noise. “Are y’all in here?” There was no reply, aside from the continued sound of the TARDIS’ engines.
I decided that I ought to see what was going on back there, so I trotted through the shop, went around the counter, and soon found myself in the back room of the shop. It was here the TARDIS was parked, if you will. The atron tractor the old Timelord had set up was still holding the TARDIS fast, but at the same time, it’s engines were positively screaming. I guess you could say it was spinning its wheels. The large white light on the roof was steadily illuminating too, but the ancient ship showed no signs of actually dematerialising.

“Time Turner?” I called out again, this time knocking on the front door with a hoof. “What the hay is going on?”

Getting no reply, as as the ship seemed to be going nowhere, I opened the front doors. Outwards i might add. Unlike him, I can actually read what it says on the front; ‘Pull to open’, not push.

To my surprise, on stepping inside, I found the control room entirely deserted. There was no sign of the chestnut coated stallion. Hurrying up the steps, I quickly got over to the eight sided console and began to take a look, to see if i could find who or what was causing the TARDIS to try and get free of its bonds. A mixture of Whovian knowledge from the series and a bit too much free time in my teenage years, means I have a rough idea of how a TARDIS works.

From what I could work out, mainly from the large message on the screen that said ‘Automatic Takeoff Activated’, I figured that nopony was flying the TARDIS. The ship itself had initiated the launch. It does tend to do that from time to time; fly itself I mean. Usually though, it would take Time Turner where he was most needed.

This was different though. It’s hard to describe, but seeing the way the ship was behaving...it was as if it was almost...afraid of something, and trying to get away by any means. Maybe it was something to do with the telepathic link it sets up with guests and its pilot. The best description I can come up with, is that it was like watching a frightened horse, plunging and kicking at something that was scaring it, and threatening to bolt. Not really knowing what else I could, I gave it my best shot.

“Whoa, whoa, steady, girl,” I said in a reassuring voice, running one hoof along the console, like you would a horse’s neck. “Calm down, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

The TARDIS though, kept trying to take off. If it kept up like this for much longer, one of two things would happen; either the atron tractor would fail and the ship would go hurling through time at a furious pace, or the stress of continued take off power would blow out the time rotor, cook the brakes, burn out the atom accelerator and pretty much kill the TARDIS dead, or at least heavily damage it to the point it would be on emergency backup power for a very long time.

“C’mon, what’s the matter?” I asked the still panicking time machine. “What’s wrong?”

A few moments passed, and I was just about to make a run for the doors, when the engines finally came to a stop. The groaning on the engines straining against the brakes and the atron tractor stopped, and the control room filled with the foul smell of burnt clutch. At last, the TARDIS was quiet. I let out a sigh of relief. And looked up at the time roter.

“Well, there we go,” I said, with no small amount of relief. “That’s better.”

Nearby, the monitor crackled into life again. It took me a few moments to work out what I was looking at. It was the shop’s basement. That was where Time Turner stored all of his little projects that Equestria probably wasn’t ready for. The whole place looked to be in a right mess at the moment. The lights occasionally flickered and all his equipment was strewn about. In the back, I saw one of those flameless fireworks of his go off.

Time Turner himself was standing in the middle of the room, looking none the worse for wear. Opposite him was Derpy, our local mailmare, brony fandom mascot, and mother of Dinky, Time Turner’s biological daughter. The two of them seemed to be pretty much rooted to the spot, their gazes fixed on the one thing that stood out in the room; it’s third occupant.

It was a pegasus, a stallion by the look of it, with a dark blue coat and a light blue mane. He was sprawled out on the floor between the two of them. Oddly, he had quite a few clothes on. The picture on the monitor wasn’t great, but I could make out a large, dark blue trench coat. He was clearly in a bad way, unconscious at the very least. Derpy looked shocked by what she was seeing, Time Turner on the other hoof, just seemed...surprised.

Well, at least I knew roughly what was going on now. The TARDIS was no longer trying to rip itself in half, and I’d found Time Turner. Although I must admit, any questions about time travel or magic had gone completely out of my head.

Trotting back down the steps to the doors, I quickly walked back out into the shop and made my way downstairs to the basement.


Hurrying down the hallway, I quickly found myself at the door to the basement. Flinging it open, I quickly caught the attention of both Time Turner and Derpy. The latter let out a shrill scream of fright at my sudden arrival.

“Who’s that?!” Time Turner barke,d putting himself between me and Derpy.

“It’s Bones, Time Turner,” I called back from the top of the stairs as I trotted down. “Ah came by to see if ya could fix an alarm clock for me. But Ah see y’all have bigger problems right now.” I gestured to the unconscious pony.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Derpy wailed in fear. “We didn’t do anything to him; he just appeared out of nowhere!” I got to the bottom of the stairs and walked over to the pair.

“Look, just tell me what’s been goin’ on,” I said firmly, I turned to Time Turner. “Doc, the TARDIS was going crazy upstairs just now, tryin’ to take off or somethin’.” Time Turner ran a hoof through his mane and grimaced.

“Yeah, I don’t blame her for that,” he said, not look at me. “To be honest I’m not feeling so good myself. I’ve got this splitting headache.” He paused to rub his temples.

“How did this all happen?” I asked.

“I was tinkering with that rift you and your friends found in the Everfree Forest,” he explained. “The TARDIS was a bit low on fuel, so I thought the energy might top her up. I’m halfway through the process, when all of a sudden, there’s a great big bang, and then low and behold this poor chap’s here.”

My attention now shifted to the unconscious stallion. I’d got some basic first aid from St. John’s Ambulance, so I went over to check on him. It also gave me a chance to get a better look at him.

As I said before, he was a pegasus, with a dark blue coat and a light blue mane. He wore a long trench coat that presently obscured his cutie mark. He also had on a light blue shirt and dark grey waistcoat. On his right foreleg, there was some kind of leather band, not something you see much of in Equestria, with some kind of device fixed into it. Whatever it was had burnt out. I remembered when the rift had last opened, and supposedly been sealed, it had had a destructive effect on electronics.

I checked for vitals. With hooves, you can’t really check for a pulse, so I went for the next best thing. Putting my cheek near his mouth, I tried to feel his breath. There was none. His body was completely still. I opened one of his eyes just to be sure, the pupils were non reactive.

“He’s dead,” I said quietly. Derpy started to cry again. I turned to Time Turner. “Ya got any idea where he came from?” He shook his head.

“Only that it was from the other side of that rift.”

“So what, you think he’s human?” I asked. Time Turner nodded.

“Maybe. Could be anything. But he’s certainly a pony now. Even his clothes have changed to fit in with the world.” Ah yes, that would explain the lack of trousers or shoes. Time Turner stepped away again, putting a hoof to his head.

“You okay, Doc?” I asked. He snarled.

“Not really,” he replied, scrunching his eyes shut. “My TARDIS is going nuts trying to take off, I’ve got a dead pony in my lab, and this headache is just making things worse.”

I tried to think what to do. We’d have to tell the authorities. And there would no doubt be an investigation. An idea came to mind.

“Well,” I said, walking over to the body. “The least we can do is try and find out who this guy is.”

Reaching inside the trenchcoat, I began to look for a wallet. Not a nice job, but like I said, whoever this pony was, he at least deserved to have his name on his headstone.

To my surprise though, my hoof made contact with something metal. Withdrawing the object, I let out a low whistle.

“Hey, look at this. An old Webley.”

It was a British Army service revolver, with six bullets still loaded. This guy definitely wasn’t from around these parts. Still, between the old gun and old clothes, I’m not even sure this pony was from our time. Heck, looking closer, the trench coat looked to be part of an RAF uniform, a captain too if I remember my rank insignias. Best guess, somewhere in the 1940’s, during the last war.

Hang on a minute…

Oh no...you've got to be kidding me.

Derpy trotted over to join me. I was most sorry for her. The poor mare was petrified by all this. She’d stopped crying now.

“I just can’t believe all this happened,” she said softly. “The Doc was just trying to learn a bit more about the thing that brought you here.” I put a leg around her comfortingly, my worried thoughts briefly forgotten.

“It’s not your fault, Derpy,” I said kindly.

As we were talking, Time Turner stepped away, his headache seemingly getting much more acute. Derpy meanwhile leaned down toward the dead stallion.

“I’m sorry,” she said, barely audibly.

And with that, we got the shock of our lives.

Out of nowhere, the previously dead stallion suddenly took a very deep breath, like he’d just come up from underwater. The both of us, pegasus and unicorn, leapt a foot in the air. Derpy screamed in fright. His eyes shot open and he began to taken ragged breaths again. A moment later, we both recovered from the shock and Derpy took a hold of him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re alright now,” she said, probably not believing her own eyes. The stallion looked at her with deep blue eyes and smiled. And then proceeded to confirm my worst fears.

“Captain Jack Harkness,” he introduced himself as he struggled to get his breath. “And you are?” Derpy, predictably, swooned.

“I’m...I’m Derpy Hooves,” she said, blushing. He smiled at her.

“Well nice to meet you, Ms. Hooves.”

“Oh don't start!” I exclaimed in annoyance. He now turned to me as he sat up. The bastard flashed me a winning smile.

“Woah, easy, Johnny Reb. I was only saying hello.”

“Yeah, hello is all it takes with you,” I shot back. Time Turner now returned, his headache temporarily forgotten (although given that this bisexual time travelling muppet, and fixed point in space/time, was the cause of it, I’m sure it would come back soon). His eyes went wide as he came to the same conclusion.

“Jack?”

“Doc?” There was a moment of silence between the two. “What’s with the horse gettup? I’ve seen you with new faces, but I always thought you prefered two feet, not four hooves.” The old Timelord smiled.

“I could say the same for you,” he replied, walking over to him with a smile and helping him up. “Although I suppose in your case you didn’t have much of a say about it.”

The ex-Time Agent now looked down at himself and noticed for the first time, his new appearance. Like most people in such a situation, he was quite surprised.

“Whoa! Okay, that’s not what I remember going to bed with!” he said, looking down at itself. Time Turner shrugged.

“Well, falling through a rift into another universe does tend to do funny things to the body. Best guess is that vortex manipulator of yours reacted with the rift and activated its own version of a chameleon arch.”

Jack wasn’t really bothered with the scientific explanation though. He was much more curious about his new form and was turning around on the spot in effort to get a better look at himself. Derpy certainly didn’t seem to mind, I’ll say that much.

“How in the name of Celestia has he ended up here though?” I asked, putting the brakes on the pair’s reunion. “We sealed the rift years ago!"

"Very true," Time Turner agreed. "So I'd say he didn't come through the rift. at least, not that one." He seemed to come to something of a realisation." Ah, I may have dented the fabric of reality a bit."

Hell's Bells! This is why you don't let the Doctor experiment with things. It either explodes, summons unspeakable horrors or both! Derpy though was less interested in the untold risk to reality as we know it, and more curious about the dashing and handsome stallion standing before her.

“But who is he?” Derpy asked curiously as she continued to look on. “Is he a friend of yours, Doc?”

“Oh, we’re old friends,” Time Turner replied. “Haven’t seen each other for years though, have we?” Jack smiled.

“It’s good to see you again, Doc.” They both smiled.

“But he was dead,” Derpy insisted. “Blade Star, you said he was completely dead.” I nodded.

“He was. Only he has this annoying tendency of coming back. Like a bad penny.”

“You know,” Jack spoke up. “Most people only dislike me this much after having met me. You’ve been at me since I woke up here.” Time Turner was kind enough to explain the odd little link between our worlds. I certainly didn’t feel like giving yet another explanation.

“Ah know quite a bit about ya, Captain,” I said. “Includin’ the fact that that rank ain’t yours. Ya never served in an Eagle Squadron, your name ain’t Jack Harkness, and ya used to work with the most dangerous, unpredictable organisation on Earth!”

“True, true, true, and sort of true,” he replied, with a roguish smile. I scowled back at him.

“Alright, why don’t we stop riling each other up,” Time Turner said, stepping between the two of us. “We need to figure out what to do about all this.”

“Ah’d say shoot him, but that’s only a temporary solution,” I said snarkily.


Of course, I didn’t shoot him. Jack Harkness may be the single most annoying 51st century human I’ve ever come across, but he’s also up there on my list of people not to tick off. We did on the other hoof, go and tell Twilight what had happened, who in turn to told Celestia and Luna. The former of the sisters came down to Ponyville that evening. Time Turner explained who Jack was, how he’d been a friend and ally for several years. Jack then went on to introduce himself, blatantly flirt with Celestia, and explained his part in running Torchwood. That seemed to intrigue the princess

Equestria has faced many threats through the years. While none of them are truly alien, they are often alien to Equestria, coming from other lands, times and places. If we’d known about things like the cutie mark vault, the memory stone, or how the Element of Magic could be corrupted, we’d be better able to prepare for them, rather than just throwing Twilight and the others at them and hoping for the best.

That was precisely what Jack suggested. Working with Time Turner, he proposed to let up a sort of listening post in the Everfree. It would give us an opportunity to monitor any other odd magic or anomalies, as well as deal with anything that appeared because of them. I know for a fact that when the rift opened last time, when it was sealed up, a few things came through that were dangerous; things that ponies wouldn’t understand. In many ways, it was a lot like my own research into dark magic. If you can understand your enemy, you can more easily defeat them. It would be a sort of research site for dangerous artifacts, both magical and otherwise.

Celestia was more than happy to endorse this little project, putting Twilight in charge to oversee the work. Although she did tell Time Turner to stop messing around with rifts and other forms of mirror portal magic. The plan they eventually came up with was to refurbish a part of the old castle, hidden away of course, giving Jack and his team (a bunch of eggheads hoofpicked by the princesses) a place to stay, work, research and store anything they were working on. Paid a handsome stipend, Jack readily agreed to the proposal, seeing it as a major step up from his previous employers.

Of course, ever cautious, Celestia wasn’t entirely trustful of the former Time Agent. His burnt out vortex manipulator was confiscated and given to Time Turner for safe keeping. The princess also warned him, in no uncertain terms, that is anything he did brought harm to her little ponies, she would deal with him herself; one immortal to another. He was to stay in the Everfree unless told otherwise, or circumstances forced him to leave to protect Equestria.

I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. I didn’t really have much say in the decision. I am just a farmer after all. In the grand scheme of things, I’m just another background pony. Still, it was somewhat reassuring to know that there was somepony keeping an eye on the peculiar phenomenon that had brought me and my family here. There was however, one small issue.

“What do ya mean Ah can’t tell anypony?” I exclaimed, looking incredulously at Twilight. The alicorn was walking alongside me, heading up to the castle.

“I mean that this whole thing has to stay a secret, Blade Star,” she replied. “You heard what Celestia said. This whole project is to be kept top secret. Nopony can know about it, for their own safety.”

I sighed, remembering the time Dad had jokingly told me he had a bunch of secrets in his head from working in Canterlot that he’d probably never get to tell.

“Fina, Ah’ll keep quiet. Pinkie Promise.” I did the required motions, avoiding poking myself in the eye.

That would be the last I’d hear from Jack Harkness for quite some time.


The next time I saw anything relating to the the ex-Time Agent, Torchwood, or that blasted rift, was about three months later.

It was evening, and I was working on my own repairing the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse. We’d recently had a big storm that had gotten out of hoof, at least, that was the story Dash was sticking to at the moment. The windows had all been smashed in by flying branches and debris. So, as I’m always trying to improve my skills, I’d borrowed Applejack’s toolkit  and had set to work replacing the windows and fixing some minor damage to the roof.

I was presently perched on top of the clubhouse, replacing the weather vane, which had burst free from its mounting and landed on the ground below. I was just finishing getting it back into place where I saw the damndest thing.

There was a helicopter, flying pretty low, pretty much on the tree tops. These things are a rare sight in Equestria. The only real form of flight outside of pegasi is an airship. Aeroplanes as we’d recognise them don’t really exist. Helicopters on the other hoof do, although they’re few and far between. To my knowledge, there’s only one registered in Ponyville, excluding Tank of course.

This looked to be it slowly making its way over the trees. But instead of a pony at the controls it was...well, i’m not sure what it was. It had the body of a pony, but it’s head was...kind of like a blowfish, covered in spines, and with no ears or fur. The odd creature looked down at me impassionately as it flew by, leaving me very confused.

A few moments after this strange apparition passed me by. I heard the sound of a lot of hooves coming up the track. A few moments later, I found Jack, and a few of what I assume to be his colleagues, standing at the foot of the clubhouse.

“Hey there, Bones,” he called up, evidently having picked up on my nickname at some point.

“Captain,” I replied, touching the brim of my hat.

“You er…” He grinned at what he was about to say. “You haven’t seen a sort of blowfish pony flying a helicopter, have you?” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and pointed towards town.

“Just flew by, headin’ that way,” I replied.

The captain waved in thanks before galloping off with his compatriots following close behind him. I sat down on the roof and looked over to the west toward the setting sun. Letting out a sigh, I shook my head.

“Bloody Torchwood,” I muttered to myself.