//------------------------------// // I Hate Myself // Story: Magical experiments and why you should avoid them // by PlayerError404 //------------------------------// “Stupid! Stupd! Stupid!” I cried, resonating each saying of the world with a dull ‘Thunk’ as I smashed my head into one of the wooden pillars supporting the food tent. “Erm… Glare you okay?” Sunet slowly asked as she walked up to me, hesitating slightly as I continued to thump my head against the pillar while saying. “Yeah…” Thunk! “…I’m…” Thunk! “…Fine…” Thunk! “…Just…” Thunk! “…Made…” Thunk! “… A really…” Thunk! “…Bad…” Thunk! “…Descision...” Thunk! “…Last…” Thunk! “…Night.” Thunk! “Erm… what exactly did you do and why are you trying to crack your skull open because of it?” Sunset asked as she grabbed my head in an effort to stop me splitting my head in two. “You know I’m tenting with Trixie right?” I asked; she’d asked me to call her by her full title in public… but sod that, I refuse to feed that girls ego anymore. If it got any bigger she’d be in danger of exploding. “Is she that bad?” Sunset asked, looking at me in confusion as I tried to get free so I could smack my head against the pillars again. “She has this habit of getting me to agree to things I never would have done in my right mind.” I explained. “Last night was bad enough… but this morning…” I explained, sighing as I looked down at my hand and realised I didn’t need a pillar to hit my head against as I began hitting my head again. “What did she do? And Stop that!” Sunset added as she grabbed my fist before I could hit myself in the head again. “She’s putting on a show.” I explained as I let my hand go limp, this wasn’t getting me anywhere anyway. “Why is that a bad thing?” Sunset inquired, clearly confused as to what the problem was; realising she probably needed that detail to explain why I was trying to crack my own skull open I explained. “She got me to agree to be the assistant, said it was vital to the act that I was on stage wearing… wearing…” I shuddered as I thought of that outfit again; once with just one person looking I could do, in front of a crowd… well let’s just say that was high up on my ‘Things I never want to do’ list. “That bad?” Sunset asked, a sympathetic smile on her face as she looked at me. “It makes your demon get up look conservative.” I explained. “And you were flying around in that skirt.” “Don’t remind me.” Sunset muttered darkly. “I will say I’m surprised the uploader of the video thought to darken out then… well you know.” “It was Flash who did it.” I explained as I sat down at one of the tables. “Guy knows what he’s doing with video editing and the Principle Celestia wanted what happened covered up somehow… guess making it look like a student film takes a lot of work off her shoulders for once.” I thought, thinking back to the pictures on her wall and how long she’d been around for… and what she’d been doing. I promptly stopped because it made my head hurt. “Sometimes I think that boy is to good for this Earth.” Sunset smiled as she sat down on the bench. “I almost feel bad I was using him as a social booster and nothing else.” “Were you ever interested in him for any other reason? I mean outside of a trophy boyfriend.” I asked, I mean, Flash was a pretty stand up guy most of the time, sometimes it was scary how nice the dude was, especially if you’re me and you know he’s not putting on an act. It was possible she… “If I swung that way probably, although I should probably try and make it up to him at some point for being a horrible girlfriend.” Sunset said in a rather blasé way as she looked out the window behind me. “Well that makes sense.” I commented, realising this conversation was getting awkward. “Well, see you later, I’ve got to meet Trixie in the woods, she wanted a place to practise where no one could see her fuck up... I mean see her tricks ahead of time.” Smooth, covered that one up well. “Well that’s what practise if for, Anyway a bad practise before the show means a good final performance… At least that’s what people who work in theatre say” Sunset said brightly. “Given this will be my first rehearsal I bloody well hope that’s true.” I muttered as I stood up. “Anyway, I’ve got to go.” … After ten minutes of walking I was at the stage. I had several questions which I will proceed to list below for convenience: 1: Where the fuck did that stage come from? 2: Where did she get all those fireworks from? 3: Were we going to set the whole forest on fire doing this show? And 4: Why was she wearing her stage outfit now!? And more to the point did she expect that from me? Please say no, please say no. I walked towards the stage, stepping gingerly onto it (for some wacky reason I doubted the structural integrity of something set up in about an hour by one person) and looked around. “Okay Trixie seriously, how the hell did you get your hands on all of this?” I asked, looking at the multitude of pyrotechnics she had set up; at this point it wasn’t a matter of if we were going to set the place on fire, it was when. “Trixie’s dad does not watch his stock as well as he thinks he does.” She explained with an grin as she rolled out more cables. “Stock?” I asked as I made my way to the back of the stage, careful not to trip on any of the wires and set something off. “Trixie’s dad run’s a store.” Trixie explained, her grin falling as she strode across the stage and began wrapping the wires up with duct tape and moving the bunches of wire to the back of the stage (presumably so we could walk around on it without tripping up and shattering our faces upon impact) “And not a good one for that matter.” She added as she began to unroll one of her background posters. “I think Mom makes more than he does selling her ‘Magic Flutes’” “Ouch.” I said, trying to act like a ‘Magic flute’ wouldn’t have eased my stress recently (Presumably anyway, I wouldn’t know, has anything I’ve done implied I’ve got even close to the balls (metaphorically) necessary to take anything stronger than cough medicine if a doctor didn’t prescribe it to me?) “Sorry to hear that.” “It does not matter.” Trixie said, a hard edge to her voice as she unfurled the other rather impressive background, seriously I want to know who made those banners, that was a high quality job they did there. “Trixie will instead enjoy laughing at them later in life when she’s on the road.” “That I can buy.” I said simply, seeing the down look on her face I decided to swallow my pride in an effort to cheer her up. “Hey, should I get changed or?” Please say no, please say no! “Yes that would be good… Hey!” Trixie suddenly called, looking at someone who’d just walked into the clearing. They looked vaguely familiar to me, green hair didn’t stick out too much at Canterlot high but I didn’t recognise that shade specifically… or did I? Urgh this is a pain. “Gah!” The girl cried, jumping into the air and looking at Trixie in shock. “Who are you and why are you Spying on the Grreeaat and powerful… Trixxie!” This girl knows no humility. “Trixie don’t be an ass.” I said simply, jumping off the stage and walking towards the girl (She was actually kind of cute I realised as I got nearer) “Sorry about her, you okay… Erm… Okay sorry to say this but I’m new…” “Oh, I erm…” The girl blurted, looking around desperately before suddenly dropping her backpack and pulling out a rock, aiming it at my face as it flashed. “Argh! Fuck!” I cried as I staggered backwards. “Spark what are you doing down there?” Trixie asked, looking confused, her eyes darting back and fourth between a point in front of her on the stage and where I was currently. “I was talking to that girl…” I began, suddenly realising there was no one around me. “You appear to be alone.” Trixie pointed out. “You yelled at her when she walked past.” I pointed out. “No I didn’t.” Trixie responded flatly. “Yes you were.” I shot back, was she just fucking with me now? I mean I could buy it… “Trixie assures you she was not.” Trixie said, looking legitimately surprised as she looked at me. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be getting changed right about now?” “Sure…” I muttered as I walked away. Something was wrong, that flash came from a rock and I know the girl was real because I could see her footprints. I suspected I knew what was going on here… and I was not happy about having even more magic to deal with. … “Trixie this is getting silly.” I said dully from inside the box, as in the kind you cut in half. I’m pretty sure most magicians get a second person to help with this particular trick, as opposed to some kind of bad fake legs that Trixie had. I know the girl was on a budget but still. “You have no faith.” Trixie shot back. She’d been snapping a lot recently. I think she was probably stressed (which admittedly probably wasn’t helped by me not having a clue what I was meant to be doing most of the time) going by the slightly crazy eyes and the fact her left hand was always stuck in a permanent fist. “I think you might be overdoing it.” I responded as I got myself out of the box (Being scrunched up inside it frigging hurt after a while) and stretching. “I think we need a break anyway.” “We are doing just great!” Trixie declared, standing up and wobbling slightly as she staggered backwards a few steps. “Uh huh.” I said, hoping she could read ‘I don’t believe you’ off my face as I walked towards her. “Look, the show isn’t for a few days, we’ve got time to take a break.” “You say that now, but that sort of thinking leads to a never ending slope of procrastination and unexceptional-ness and Trixie refuses to fall into that.” “Okay, sure.” I said as I walked towards the back of the stage to change out of the assistants outfit (which would have been a nicer experience if not for the tiny issue of their being no walls aside from the one at the back of the stage, meaning you were exposed from most angles) “But even professionals have breaks and stop to eat.” “It hasn’t been that long…” Trixie began before I remerged and held my phone out, showing it was currently three in the afternoon. We’d eaten at about 8am (Stupid sun, rises far to early for my liking and it’s not like you can ignore it when all you’ve got is thin tent walls to keep the sun out) “…Oh.” “Yeah.” I said as I walked towards her, grinning slightly as I approached. “So go change and lets see if we can get some food.” “They stopped serving lunch two hours ago.” Trixie pointed out as I smiled. “Yes, however I have two things to say in response.” I explained. “One, Gloriosa really will probably give us something if we explain it and two: its not exactly a high security bank; we can grab some food easily… hell I think I’ve still got my pack of digestives in my bag.” “Okay, Trixie will return shortly.” She said as she left to the back of the stage and got changed, reappearing in the shirt and shorts of the camp Uniform, though I did notice something odd about her get up. “You’re wearing the cape and hat?” I asked in slight amazement as I looked at her wearing the get up over the camp uniform. “Oh Naive Assistant I have to market myself somehow, how else are they meant to know I will be performing soon?” Trixie asked with a smug grin. “Trixie everyone at CHS knows you do magic, you never shut up about it.” I said, rolling my eyes as I began to walk back to camp, Trixie following behind me, her head seemingly down and deep in thought. … Unfortunately as we walked back we got rained on. Rain gets a bad rep, its not super fun if you get caught out in it but ultimately all you ever get is wet, so; you know it’s not that bad. Unfortunately, the rain we got on the walk back to camp was… erm… Bad. Like, really, really bad. As in the rain was literally flooding the path. “Trixie blames you for this.” “Trixie is probably right.” I said dully as we trudged along, my trainers long flooded and squelching as we walked along. “And are you sure we’re even on the right path?” Trixie asked as we looked up at the sky. They dark grey sky, the sky so dark grey it was practically black and that made navigating a massive pain. Especially given the woods all kind of look identical. “Not really…” I muttered as we passed a rock I was fairly sure I didn’t recognize (I know all rocks look the same but this one was unique in that it resembled a six legged horse with ram horns on its skull) “You’re the worst.” Trixie said dully. I wanted to respond but I was too busy screaming as the ground beneath me gave out and I started falling. I wasn’t sure how long I was falling for but I do know I eventually slid out, clutching my ankle as it made contact with a rock on the floor and bent in a way I don’t think it’s supposed to and made a noise I also don’t think it’s ment to do. “Sparks are you okay?” Trixie yelled down the whole as I pulled myself towards the cave so I could yell back: “Not really no.” I responded, mostly because I couldn’t stand on my leg now. “Trixie is coming down!” She called as she lowered herself into the whole that had opened on the ground and carefully slid herself down without hurting her foot this time given she was moving slow enough to not crash into the offending rock at too high a speed. “Hey.” I said from the floor, pulling myself into the cave and smiling weekly up at Trixie. “Let me see that foot.” Trixie said simply, walking closer and looking down at the offending limb. “Oh… that is not good.” “I don’t think it’s broken.” I said, looking down at the ankle, noticing the problem Trixie probably had. “No neither do I, However I also know that your ankle isn’t meant to be that thick.” Trixie said, noting the fact that it had swollen to about twice its normal size. “What is it with me and injuring myself?” I asked to no one in particular as I looked at the offending ankle. “Seriously this is the second time in two days.” Not to mention all the times at home, I will never trust that flipping wardrobe again, why did Blooming have to teach Dazzle that bloody Mimic creation spell? “I don’t know, however if you’re this accident prone I might not trust you with the pyrotechnics, nothing against you I just really don’t think it would end well given your track record for bad luck.” Trixie said with a smug grin as she looked at me. I couldn’t help it, I completely lost it at that, forcing out: “You have no bloody idea!” Eventually I stopped laughing and took the opportunity to assess the situation. “So… We’re lost aren’t we?” “Yes and Trixie blames you for this.” Trixie said dully as she leant back against the cave wall. “As you should.” I responded, pulling my phone out, happy to see that Dazzles durability spell had held up. Grinning I turned it on and looked at the bars; we still had a signal. It was then that stupid naive me really thought it would be that simple to, you know; call someone, let them know where we were… Yeah that didn’t work. We might have had bars but the phone glitched out, sparking and causing me to drop the devise. “Argh!” I cried as I clenched my fist, looking down at my burnt hand. “What the hell!?” “Something is not right here.” Trixie muttered. “Yeah I think you’re right, something about this entire situation is off, like, have you noticed something off about the rain?” I asked, looking out the cave’s mouth at said rain. “Yes… now that you mention it something does seam off to Trixie… tell me assistant has rain always been black?” She asked. She wasn’t wrong. The rain itself may not have been black but the light emitting from it defiantly was. “No, no it hasn’t; I wouldn’t be surprised if it broke my phone, this whole situation just screams magical clusterfuck.” I said as I looked out at the rain. “Trixie believes you to be right.” She added, backing further into the cae as a bright light suddenly shone out at us from deeper in. “I’m willing to be that’s the source of all this.” I said, pointing at said glow, in the unlikely event you’re wondering how black glowing works it kind of doesn’t; it’s more like a white glow around the edge of a patch of pure black. “Well, what are we going to do?” Trixie asked, looking down at my injured ankle. “Even if we were dumb enough to want to walk into that light you aren’t going anywhere on that leg.” “If you supported me I could probably make the trip.” I said simply. “It’s only my left leg that’s fucked.” “Yes but that would still mean we’d have to be dumb enough to want to go look at what that thing is as opposed to staying away, and I mean, we’re not that dumb… right?” I responded by giving her my best Cheshire cat grin as I began to get up on my right leg, using my hands to keep the weight of my left leg. “Trust me, I’ve delt with magical stuff before.” I said with a grin as I hopped along. “Come on, something tells me this storm isn’t dying down until we do something about this.” Trixie had to sit and think for a second before she pulled herself to her feet and saying, with a distinct note of resignation: “If we die Trixie is going to kill you.”