*SLAM*
Holy shit that was crazy!
...what do we do with his body?
hell if I know. Just leave him in the shower.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Canterlot: three hours earlier...
"All right! Here we are."
"the basement burger bar?"
"well it was the first bar we found"
“In a country of herbivores… and ponies sell actual beef burgers?”
"Eh. It is a griffin bar. But thanks to magic they basically sell chicken burgers enchanted to taste like regular burgers."
"huh"
"ok. You ready to get shitfaced?"
“More than an Irishman at Oktoberfest!”
"That's the spirit!"
The trio entered the bar and sat down at the counter where a friendly looking griffin was waiting
"sup guys? The usual?"
"Yeah... But add a big smoke"
The entire bar went silent at the order
"...what? It's for variety."
"sorry, it's just last time somepony ordered that...never mind.
HEY BLOOD WING! WE GOT A BIG SMOKE!"
A few minutes later the griffin returned with a cart of drinks
"ok boys! We got...two number nines...a number nine large...a number six with extra dip...two number 45's...a 45 large...one with cheese...and a large soda. Enjoy!"
Instead of putting the drinks on the bar the bartender simply left the cart of alcohol. Noah grabbed the soda and the nachos with cheese as the bar stared.
"What?"
Clyde grabbed a bottle and proceeded to chug it as John grabbed five shot glasses. An hour passed and John discovered the horrible truth. The drinks were weak as fuck.
"now do you understand why I wanted those drinks?"
John simply nodded as the crowd watched in aw as Clyde downed another of equestria's strongest drink: the death wish. Some were even betting on how long Clyde would last. The bartender called out the last call and the griffin's betting against Clyde went into a rage as they lost thousands on what was normally a safe bet
"this is bucking ridiculous! No creature is physically able to drink that much! He cheated!"
The griffin lashed out and took a flying leap towards Clyde when suddenly in the distance someone was singing something. The Pirates of the Caribbean theme to be specific. Right before the griffin made contact a large metallic object crashed through the the window and hit the griffin as something leaptoff the massive ball of iron. That something then proceeded to use its momentum to superman punch the griffin knocking him out in the process. Then an all out brawl began and as the other patrons of the bar duked it out the figure stopped in front of Noah.
It was none other then the crazy Dutch pirate himself. He was cloaked in a overcoat and since he had left earth he had taken the time to grow a beard. Instead of a pirate sword in the case attached to his belt was a small worn and bloodstained shovel. In his hand was a large cup of rum. John noticed something click inside of Noah's head as a large grin appeared. Clyde knew what was inevitably going to happen and was paying off the band in the corrner to play a specific song. and then the banjo kicked in:
"♫it's not...♫"
"♫Easy having yourself a good time...♫"
"♫greasing up those bits and fethers♫"
"♫Watching out and don't four letter♫"
Alex picked the griffin up as he snapped awake
"♫fuck and kiss you both at the same time...♫"
"♫Smells like something unforgotten curled up, died, and now it's rotten♫"
"♫I'm not a gangster tonight-"
"-Don't wanna be the bad guy♫"
"♫I'm just a loner baby-"
"But now you got in my way!♫"
The duo started skipping around the griffin and dodging swings
*inhail*
"♫I can't decide♫ whether you should live or die♫ oh you'll probably go to heaven♫ Please don't hang your head and cry, don't wonder why♫ my heart is dead inside. stolen heart♫ petrified!♫"
"♫lock the doors and close the blinds were going♫for♫a♫ride...♫"
Alex picked the griffin up with his free hand and took a swig of rum as he sat the griffin down on the cannon ball embedded into the floor.
"♫it's♫a♫bitch convincing people to like♫you...♫"
"Why stop now call me a quitter? If lies were cats you'd be a litter♫"
"pleasing everyone isn't♫like♫you...
"dancing jigs until I'm purple!♫"
"♫slug ten drinks I won't get pickled!♫"
"I gotta hand it to you- you play by all the same rules!"
"♫it takes the truth to fool me-and now you made me angry!♫"
*inhail*
I can't decide weather you should live♫or♫die. Oh you'll probably go to heaven. Please don't hang your head and cry- don't wonder why♫ my heart is dead inside♫stolen heart!♫ I'm petrified!
"♫lock the doors and close the blinds were going♫for♫a♫ride♫"
"♫Oh I could throw♫you♫in♫the♫lake♫ ♫or feed you poison♫birthday♫cake I won't deny. I'm going to miss you when your gone...♫" "♫oh I could bury♫you♫alive ♫but you might crawl♫out♫with♫a♫knife! And kill me ♫when♫i'm♫sleeping♫thats♫why-♫
"♫I can't decide♫ whether you should live or die♫ oh you'll probably go to heaven♫ Please don't hang your head and cry, don't wonder why♫ my heart is dead inside. stolen heart♫ petrified!♫"
"♫lock the doors and close the blinds were going♫for♫a♫ride...♫"
As the music played out, Noah and Alex stuffed the griffin into a cannon that Clyde had dragged in and the bar fight ended with a bang as Alex hit the cannon with his shovel, expertly sparking it's fuse...the griffin launched through a window and Alex downed the last of his rum. He blacked out a few minutes later and got carried home by Noah until he was deposited in the bathtub.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------twilight's basement: now
That was amazing how Alex could drink that, though, everything there was weaker than a bloody applejuice
Well it is his own special brew.
guys. Shhhhhh...sleep
...fine